


Afternoon

by Snowpiercer



Category: Dunkirk (2017)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, Secret Relationship, Slow Burn, Smut, Wartime Romance, World War II, i just love my flyboys so here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-06-26 21:00:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 57
Words: 171,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15671202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowpiercer/pseuds/Snowpiercer
Summary: A detailed story of Collins and Farrier's relationship from when Collins begins training until after the war has ended.





	1. Welcome to the RAF

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, this is my first ever fic so be nice! Because the first chapter is setting things up, it's of note that you may want a little RAF history to read this. (ie the levels of training were split into beginner which was independently run, and then intermediate and advanced were officially RAF run) but you may also learn a bit from reading, because I've tried to make it historically accurate to RAF procedure where possible being a big history fan myself!  
> Enjoy :)

It was the last day of March, 1938.

Jack had been looking for work in Scotland for many months, and had finally moved to England for a fresh start. He'd completed the rudimentary training course and had been employed with the RAF for 6 months, before some of the officers began to suspect him of being homosexual. Collins was never good at hiding it, and nobody had every accused him of it before, so in his eyes he was being subtle enough. No longer. They eventually forced it out of him and decided that it could not stand in such a job. Since his record stated he had been expelled from the RAF and since Scotland held everyone's records at every base, no other RAF centres would take him, so he had to move. He had completed the independently run civil flying school successfully, but he had already gone into the intermediate school when they found out, so his beginner record, which was seperate to the others was clean, only his intermediate was tainted with his expulsion. Collins had no choice but to leave Scotland for England, there he could start again with the intermediate training. He took his civil flight training graduation paper with, but had to destroy the intermediate. He did keep his uniform for some reason or another, he told himself it wasn’t sentiment. Within a week or so of arrival the blonde found RAF Gatwick, smaller than a lot but near to the capital. Collins' only option was to lie and say he'd only done the beginner training, not attempted intermediate, he didn't want to have to begin again altogether, nor did he have the patience to, so Collins made peace with himself to lie.

He knocked on the wooden door of the building and waited for an answer. An older man wearing a navy blazer with several patches sewn onto the sleeves and medals dangling on the breast opened the wooden door and smiled. “Hello young man, what can I do for you?” The man spoke with a gravelly voice and a posh accent, making Collins slightly self-conscious of his thick Scottish one. He fumbled over his words a little, “Hiya, I’d uh, like to apply to join the RAF. I’ve already gone through civil flight training.”

The man chuckled, wondering why this lad was so nervous. “Of course, of course! You’re a long way from home aren’t you son?” “Yeah uh, not so much work where I’m from, the Depression is even worse up there” and although it was true, it wasn't the reason he'd moved.

“Good point, why don’t you come in? We just need to do a quick background check and have a look at your certificate, then we'll have you measured for a uniform.” the man said. “Sure thank you, Mr. Uh, I didn’t quite catch yer name." Collins replied said.

“I didn’t say it son, you may refer to me as Canfield, but my title is Wing Commander.” the man gave a friendly smile,

“And what’s your name?” the man asked, stepping aside to let Collins inside.

“Thank you, Mr Canfield sir, you may refer to me as Collins.” the blonde said, jestingly copying Canfield’s words with a smile. He walked past Canfield into the building. The older man closed the door behind Jack and walked with him.

“Well it’s very nice to meet you, Mr. Collins.” Canfield shook his hand.

“Now, you’ve got very good timing I must say, first day of training is tomorrow for a new group! Let’s get you through the paperwork and have you measured up, then you might just be lucky enough to join the other lads we’ve got.” Said Canfield. Jack laughed nervously, he knew the term began tomorrow, the reason he'd rushed in today.

“Just lucky I guess sir” Collins said,

“Lucky indeed son.” Canfield replied warmly. They walked down a wooden hall with windows on one side and doors on the other. Out the windows Collins could see a dusty quadrant, and realised that he was walking down one wing of a square building around the central quadrant.

“Do ye train out there?” He asked,

“Yes we do, we also have indoor classrooms for the theory, and behind the building is the hangar and runway for the exciting stuff” said Canfield. The older man found it nice that the lad was actually curious about what was going on, most of the new recruits just wanted the uniform as soon as possible. Collins thought to himself, as long as he didn’t do too well at anything, he supposed he could pass as a beginner, it wouldn’t be that hard.

“Now Collins, you’re going to meet the Squadron Leader now, he’s an old friend of mine so be nice to him.” Canfield smiled.

”Yes sir.” Collins replied. They reached the end of the corridor and faced a door which opened into a room which took up one of the corners of the square building. Canfield opened the door to reveal a younger man sitting at a desk writing some paperwork, dressed in a light blue button up with a navy tie, the same colour as Canfield’s blazer.

“I’m a little busy with these files right now Michael, is it urgent?” Then the man looked up into Collins' inquisitive blue eyes. The man had dark stormy eyes that held a look which appeared to be a mixture of irritation, surprise and curiousity? Collins guessed that the man had thought Canfield entered by himself.

“Who is this?” The man at the desk asked, pointing at Jack with his pen, holding eye contact. Collins liked how his voice sounded, and how his eyes looked, but then he remembered not to think such things because that’s what got him kicked out in the first place, he mentally scorned himself and looked away from the man.

“This is Mr. Collins, Farrier. He would like to apply.” Canfield’s sentence interrupted the uncomfortable eye contact Farrier was giving Collins, the man dropped the impatient look and became more professional upon realising this was a potential new pilot,

“Does he now? Well come with me Mr. Collins, I can check through your file with you now” The man put his pen down and held his tie to his chest as he stood up. He walked over to Collins and held out his hand to shake, which Jack took,

“I’m Squadron Leader Farrier” Said Farrier with a small smile. His hands were warm and strong. He let go of the handshake a beat quicker than felt necessary.

“Would there be anything else Canfield? I’m able to check Mr Collins through but I do need to attend to these papers as soon as I can, they’re for the other new recruits.”

“No no by all means do it whenever suits!”

“Thank you Canfield.” Farrier said warmly,

“Of course Farrier, I’ll be back in my office if you need.” And with that, Canfield left and closed the door behind him.

“Now, I trust you have your civil certificate with you now?” Farrier asked, Jack noticed that he was slightly taller than Farrier.

“Ya, it’s been folded up a bit but I have it”

“That’s absolutely fine, now come with me into one of the classrooms and we’ll sit down and go through some things”

“Right, thank you” Jack answered. Farrier turned and opened the door for Jack, waited for him to exit and then closed it. They walked down the hall adjacent to the one Collins had walked down with Canfield, Farrier was slightly irritated at himself, partially because he acted rude to the newcomer upon entrance, and secondly because he’d held eye contact with him purely because Farrier found him nice to look at. He was sure nothing would come of this one though, he wasn’t special. Farrier tried to drop the curiosity he felt, just like he successfully did all the other initiates he’d felt that way about in the past, which was a lot of them if he was honest with himself. The two walked into an empty classroom. Farrier sat in a chair next to a window looking out behind the building into the airstrip. He pulled out the chair next to his for Collins to sit which he did. It was then that Collins noticed how tight the shirt was around Farrier’s biceps as the older man rested his elbows on the table and clasped his hands together.

“Right so let’s have a look at your certificate first of all” Farrier cleared his throat and said, Jack was woken from his gaze and got the piece of paper out of his coat pocket and unfolded it, he put it on the table between them. Farrier took the page and scanned it, mumbling some of the words he read. “Outstanding achievement in aircraft landing and takeoff” he said more clearly, he continued to scan the page, muttering “distinction in physical activity” and he also more clearly read the paragraph signed by Jack’s supervisor, “Jack Collins is an exceptional student, he will follow instructions and go the extra mile to prove himself. He has determination and is an intelligent person. He has shown leadership qualities, physical strength and endurance, and stand up for himself. Collins is prepared to put in extra hours in order to fully grasp concepts and has an excellent work ethic. An exceptional student.” Farrier finished reading the certificate. He was impressed, perhaps a bit more than impressed. “Well Collins, it appears that you passed with flying colours, congratulations.”

“Thank you Squadron Leader” said Jack with a small smile.

“Call me Farrier, bit of a long ranking I know. Another thing about the RAF which is different to the private beginner schools is that we do not use first names, now that you’re in with us we use last names or rankings, you may go your entire career in the RAF without knowing everyone’s first name here. The superiors know the students’ first names, of course we have to read the paperwork, but they’re not used, this is to get you used to regimental life. I want you to understand the formalities that come with the RAF, so I won’t be calling you Jack.”

Collins nodded,

“I know it’ll seem very odd at first but everyone gets used to it Collins” Farrier added. Collins was more caught up on how his name sounded in Farrier’s low husky voice.

“Got it. Sounds a bit formal aye, but it’ll be fine” he replied. Farrier chuckled. “What?” Collins said with a smile,

“My apologies I shouldn’t have laughed, I’ve just never actually met a Scottish person before.” Farrier smiled but seemed embarrassed that he’d laughed.

“Ah it’s no problem, lot o' folk can’t even understand me here.” Collins jested,

“Well I can, fortunately” Farrier said, his deep blue eyes holding eye contact until he realised that he was. The Squadron Leader hoped that if he just acted formal and treated Collins just like the others he’d taken interest to in the past, the curious feeling would pass just like the others. “Now, I just need you to sign a form for me Collins” Farrier got up and went to the teachers’ desk at the front of the room, he opened a drawer and pulled out some pieces of paper and took a pen off the desk. He brought them back to Collins and sat back down. “Now, this is not the time to lie.” Excellent, Collins thought. “Have you ever been employed by the RAF excepting your civil flight school?” Farrier asked, looking Collins in the eyes.

“No, I haven’t” said Collins, holding eye contact.

“Good, if you had we’d be wasting money training you when you’ve already passed this level.” Farrier continued. “Now I just need to ask a few background questions.” “Sure, go ahead.” Farrier turned his attention to the piece of paper he’d taken from the desk, he ticked a box to say Collins hadn’t previously been employed by the RAF. He scanned for the next box. “Birthday?”

“2nd June 1915” Collins answered, he couldn’t help when his eyes strayed to Farrier’s arms again. His muscles were tight against the thin blue fabric. Farrier noticed the gaze on his arms, he felt slightly uncomfortable under it- why was he looking? Was he the same as him? Collins had never even gotten this far, all the RAF bases in Scotland already had his record transferred between them all, to protect them from double ups or from hiring failed students like Collins, unluckily for him, he didn’t have much control over his urges, and hated to think what training in a courtyard full of men would be like if he could barely handle one, a thought he hadn't even entertained until now.

“Place of birth” Farrier snapped Collins out of his state,

“Aviemore, Scottish Highlands.” Farrier vaguely recognised the name.

“Thank you, parents names?”

“Marie Collins and James Collins.” Collins answered as he watched small neat cursive flow onto the page in blue ink.

“Now if something were to happen, how would I contact them best, a phone?” Farrier asked.

“Yae the town phone.” Collins answered, reciting the number. "Town phone?" Farrier clarified. "Ye, everyone in town shares the same line, cheaper." the blonde answered. "Don't they pick up each other's calls?" Farrier asked, he'd never heard of this concept. "Nae, each house has a different ringtone so we know when it's for us." Collins smiled. Farrier shrugged in response.

“Okay, can I have a mailing address?”

“Ya, it’s house 74 on high street in Aviemore” said Collins. Farrier held an air of authority that made Collins slightly nervous. Collins was beginning to realise that pulling this off may prove more difficult than he thought, those arms were not easy to look away from. As Farrier wrote down Collins’ address, he tried to recall last time a homosexual man came through Gatwick RAF, he couldn’t remember one. Not that he knew Collins was, the boy would probably be insulted if he was asked. Farrier hoped he wasn’t gay, he’d gone through his whole RAF career without having to deal with one, it made his little fascinations easier to deal with because he knew nobody would return feeling, he’d bottle it up until the man in question completed training and left. He really hoped Collins wasn’t gay, now that would be difficult to deal with. He mentally said 'stop' to himself and forced himself to become composed in thought as he finished writing the address.

“That’s all we can fill in for now, we need to go and get you measured and write those in, then you can sign it.” Farrier said, standing up.

“And then I’m in?” Collins asked, was it that easy? He didn’t expect them to outwardly ask him if he was gay, but he thought it would be harder to get in, though thinking back he couldn’t imagine why it would be, he guessed he was just nervous.

“And then you’re in” Farrier answered with a pleased smile. As Farrier stood, Collins rose to stand next to him, he stood and faced Farrier, accidentally making awkward eye contact. Farrier picked up the paper and pen. He followed Collins out of the aisle of tables and walked up to the teachers’ desk to pick up a clipboard. Upon doing so he led Collins back out of the classroom and down the hall adjacent to the one they'd come from. They reached the corner across from Farrier’s office and Farrier opened the door, it led to a largish locker room.

“Okay Collins. So all we’re doing here is taking your height, weight, and body measurements, that’s all fine?” Farrier asked, busying himself with setting the clipboard down on a bench seat and looking for the key in his pocket.

“Aye that’s fine” Collins replied, he was a little self-conscious about his body and hoped he wouldn’t have to strip but he had to think 'if I was straight this would be fine'. Farrier found the key and unlocked one of the lockers and took out a set of scales and a measuring tape.

“Now I won’t make you take off more than necessary, but I will ask you remove your shoes, that coat and a belt if you’re wearing one.”

“Aye that’s fine” Collins replied and began to take off the required items. He thanked himself for not wearing any silly socks today. He put his shoes down next to a bench and placed his coat and belt on top of it.

“Now step onto the scales please” Farrier instructed, picking up the clipboard and pen again. Collins did so, looking down at the weight in curiosity.

“176.5 pounds” Collins said out loud. Farrier looked to check he was correct and then wrote it down in a box on the page.

“Okay, good. Now you can step off the scales.” Farrier said, and Collins did so. Farrier noted he was heavier than Collins, but then realised of course he was, he was over a decade older than him, and was a different build, why was he even thinking about those things?. “Now I’ll get you measured. It’s no more enjoyable for me than for you but we have to measure everyone.” Farrier lied through his teeth, he liked seeing this Collins boy in the shirt he was wearing, a thin blue button up, not dissimilar to the RAF one he was wearing himself. He picked up the measuring tape. “Okay so I’ll take your height first, so up against the wall.” Farrier said, ushering Collins towards the wall. Collins smirked at the wording. He stood straight with his back to the wall, the Squadron Leader put the measuring tape at the base of the wall and kept it against it with his shoe, he then stretched it up to Collins’ head. “6’1”” Farrier said.

He continued to take rudimentary measurements for Collins, with each one he got more and more comfortable with the fact that he was measuring him. “Right were done” Farrier stated as he finished measuring. “Now we have the measurements for your uniform, they come in batches so yours will arrive with all the others in about a month or so.”

“Great, thank you.” Collins said.

“No problem” Farrier answered as he jotted down all the measurements onto the piece of paper on the clipboard. “Right, lets get back to my office, you can put your shoes and coat back on now Collins.” Said Farrier,

“Right, ye” Collins mumbled. He slipped his shoes, belt and coat back on and walked back up to Farrier who was still writing on the piece of paper.

“Ready? Okay.” Farrier began walking and Collins followed. They reached Farrier’s office and he sat back down in his chair. Collins stood on the other side of the desk. After a few silent minutes of Farrier completing the form and checking it against some other pieces of paper, he looked up to Collins.

“Congratulations Collins, welcome to the RAF.” Farrier smiled warmly, stood up and held out his hand. Collins was shocked he’d actually gotten in, he woke from his daze and took Farrier’s hand enthusiastically. Beaming, he said

“Thank you Farrier!”

“Not at all, good thing you came today not tomorrow.” Farrier said, still smiling slightly.

“Aye it is Indeed.” Collins replied. “So, when should I be here tomorrow?” He asked,

“Ah yes.” Farrier said letting go of Collins’ hand, “We open the doors at 9 am so be outside shortly before that. As you don’t have a uniform yet, you may wear smart casual clothes. We won’t be doing any physical training until you all have your uniforms so don’t worry about that. Tomorrow you’ll get a handbook with all the other little details in it.” Farrier explained.

“Right, easy. I guess I’ll be off then.” Collins said, full of nervous energy,

“Yes absolutely. Thank you for coming in today Collins, we’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Said Farrier warmly. “I’ll take you to the door.” He added and walked around the desk to his office door. Collins followed Farrier out and down the hallway to the doors to the street.

“Thank you again Farrier, being in the RAF means a great deal to me” Collins said with a smile,

“Of course, I didn’t do anything, merely filled out your details, you have yourself to thank.” Farrier said. Collins chuckled to himself.

“I’ll see you and Canfield tomorrow then!”

“That you will, goodbye Collins.” Farrier said warmly,

“Goodbye!” Collins said and began walking down the street.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you all enjoyed it and please leave comments, I'd love to know what you thought of the first chapter! If anyone noticed, Canfield is the name of Michael Caine's RAF character in the movie 'Battle of Britain' so there's a little easter egg for you, seeing as he voices Fortis leader I thought it fit well.  
> Next chapter coming soon!


	2. Day One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is done! Thanks everyone for the kind words on chapter 1, hope you all enjoy this one as well!  
> 

Collins arrived a little early but was glad to see there were a few other men outside the doors. He had chosen to wear some brown pinstripe trousers with a white button up, his trousers held up around his slim waist with slacks.

“Hello there!” Said a young man in black pants and a slightly oversized cream button up, with wingnut ears and brown messy hair.

“Hiya” said Collins.

“Oh, not from here then,” chuckled the man, able to pick up the change in accent from that word alone.

Collins chuckled back. “Yeah,” 

“My name’s William, but you can call me Wingnut, everyone else does.” He flicked his ears in explanation before he held out his hand to shake,

“I’m Jack, but I’ve heard in the RAF yae use last names, so I’m Collins, nice to meet you.” said Collins.

“Ready for today?” Collins continued,

“Sure am, excited as hell. And I guess you can call me Timson then, but then again you can still use Wingnut,” he replied with a goofy smile.

Then the front door swung inwards and Farrier stepped out. He was dressed in full uniform this time, navy blue trousers and blazer with a handsome smattering of medals and patches. Collins noticed for the first time how his body was built, he was broad and strong, and it took everything in the blonde's willpower not to stare.

“New recruits follow me.” He said with authority. Wingnut looked excitedly at Collins and they filed inside. The group of about 25 followed Farrier into a classroom at the front of which Canfield was stood. Once they were all seated, William and Jack at the front, Farrier began.

“Congratulations on making it this far, you are now part of the Cadet Wing, you are officially part of the RAF. I’m Squadron Leader Farrier if you haven’t met me already, and this is Wing Commander Canfield. Us, along with a handful of other officers will be conducting most of your lessons. You must behave as properly and preserve the image of the RAF, so no immaturity will be tolerated, this is a very serious business. You will each be given pamphlets which instruct the specifics of how you must conduct yourselves, from haircuts to language. You can take them home and read them, we’ll ignore those regulations for the first week as you’re all still settling in. Now, it outlines it in the pamphlet but I’ll touch on it now if you don’t already know. You remain here in Cadet Wing for two months, then you will move to the School of Military Aeronautics for another two months, then there are two separate courses at the Training Department Station, the first takes three months, the second takes two, then you’ll be awarded with your wings, and finally move into specialist schools, but you can read about all of that in the pamphlets we’ll give out,” he explained, though most of the men were too excited to propery listen.

Farrier got a pile of said pamphlets out of the drawer and placed them on the desk in front of him.

They spent the day in that room learning the introductory parts of each subject and lesson. On lunch break they could go anywhere, Collins and Wingnut went out of the RAF base to a sandwich store and ate their food on a bench along the footpath near the base.

“This is just how I wanted it to be,” said Wingnut,

“Yeah, beginner school cannae prepare yae for the real thing.” agreed Collins, though he somewhat knew what it was like already.

“What do you think of the teacher?” Asked Wingnut through bites of his lunch,

Collins panicked wondering if this was a loaded question,  


“He’s uh, a bit serious I suppose, but he seems nice,” he said.

“Yeah, I think he’s got a bit of a chip on his shoulder, or something. Doesn’t seem like the kind of person you’d make friends with, I suppose that's maybe good.” laughed Wingnut, and Collins realised this may be true. Wingnut playfully elbowed Collins in the arm, Collins forced a chuckle out as not to seem weird and took a bite of his lunch.

“But yeah if the rest are friendlier, it’s exactly how I hoped it’d be.” Said Wingnut.

“Yeah,” said Jack unenthusiastically.   
After lunch they all sat back in the classroom and they learned that the instructors worked in pairs with groups, so the amount of students starting was actually about 100, and 50 or so of them were going to be instructed by Farrier and Canfield. At the end of the day they were given the option to become boarding students, Collins and Wingnut both thought this was a good idea. They agreed that the rent in London was ridiculous, so along with the pamphlets on appearance and upholding the RAF image, they left with papers to get a room in the base.

“Well Canfield is a bit chipper than that Farrier, so I’m happy.” Said Timson,

“Aye he’s a bit grumpy isn’t he,” chuckled Collins, trying to laugh along with Wingnut's seeming fascination with Farrier being uptight. He couldn’t help but be more interested in Farrier because of his mysterious nature. Collins had also seen some other new recruits which he found attractive, which he hoped didn’t prove to be as much of an issue as Farrier. Timson came home to Collins’ apartment and they filled out their boarding forms together so they could have rooms next to each other.

“We get set hairstyles to choose from Jack! I mean Collins!” Said Timson as they ate homemade clapshot and mince at the shoddy flat Collins had found to stay in, an attempt to make good tasting food that didn’t altogether fail on the blonde's behalf. They looked at the photos showing haircut examples. There was long medium or short, though short was recommended because it minimised risk of getting hair caught in helmets. Long wasn’t actually long however, there wasn’t much difference between the three.

 

“I want the long one I think” said Collins,

“Why mate? Get in the way,” replied Timson through mouthfuls.

“Dunno I like my hair,” said Collins with a chuckle before realising that it sounded stupid out loud.

“Nah I want the short one, can’t get in the way if it’s that short, imagine your helmet pulling your hair out!” said Wingnut, pointing at the example image of the long hair.

“Yeah that’s a good point aye, but they wouldnae have put that cut in there if it was actually too long,” said Collins. Farrier had the short cut he was pretty sure, and Canfield he thought, may have the medium. Though again, there wasn't much difference between them. Maybe everyone just got the short one cut and once it reached the length of the long style, they got a trim. It wasn't as regimental at the base the blonde had been kicked out of, it was a lot mroe casual and that was probably the reason he was expelled. It wasn't like they were supposed to expell students for that reason, he guessed it wouldn't have happened at a bigger or more important base.

“Says they dunnae recommend facial hair,” said Collins while chewing,

“Yeah, I’d hate to get my beard snagged in the mask, ey.” replied Timson, Collins shrugged in agreement.

“Good thing I shave every day then.” Said Collins,

“yeah me too mate, though I've seen some pilots with wild facial hair, so it mustn't be too bad.” replied Timson.

The next day they went and got their haircuts in the morning before heading to Gatwick base with their filled out boarding forms, arriving early to hanf them in. Collins knocked on Farrier’s office, he would have knocked on Canfield’s but he didn’t know which room it was.

“Who is it?” Farrier called out,

“It’s Collins and Timson, we ‘ave our forms for boardin’” Collins’ voice wobbled a bit. He heard an exhale from the other side of the door.

“Come in boys,” said Farrier through the door. They entered to see him sitting at his desk,

“Nice haircuts lads,” He said smiling at Collins, who tried not to melt inside.

“Thanks Farrier!” Said Timson, breaking the moment. They both placed their forms on the desk.

“Thanks boys, I’ll have a look over them and show you to your rooms after today’s lessons. Come see me here at the end of the day.” Said Farrier with a tone of authority in his voice that made Collins slightly warm in the cheeks.

The day passed relatively easily, it was more of the same, general introductions to mathematics, geography and mapping, aerodynamics, Collins found it all easy. What he found more difficult was keeping his eyes off Farrier. Though he didn’t conduct all the lectures, he did most of them. There were some conducted by Canfield too but it seemed that as a general rule Farrier worked more directly with the initiates. Collins and Wingnut went back to the same sandwich bar for lunch.

“How do you think this work is?” Asked Wingnut

“Aye it’s easy for me, and you?” Responded Collins,

“It’s pretty easy, maths was never my strong point, been counting on my fingers to help me” chuckled Timson.

“Well whatever helps ya work, dunnae matter I don’ think” said Collins.

They continued talking about the classroom work for a while, then the subject of rooms came up,

“Do you think we’ll be put next to each other?” Asked Collins, not because he was hoping, he just simply wondered.

“Probably, we went in together so surely they know we’re mates, if not they might put us in order of when we handed in the paper, so we’ll be next to each other anyway.” Timson smiled with a mouthful of sandwich.

They went back in and Collins endured another few hours of breezing through the work whilst trying not to look at Farrier in any other way than as his teacher, but he was just so nice to look at. Collins didn’t consider himself to have a type, he just picked individuals. Everything that should have turned him away from Farrier didn’t. Not his closed personality, not his age, not his position. If anything it drew him in more. He wanted to know why Farrier was so closed off.

Farrier couldn’t believe the audacity of this Collins character. Was he trying to make some sort of statement? Or was he staring at Farrier for an unrelated reason? It was a guessing game, the Squadron Leader spent most of the day trying to ignore that student, was he gay? Was he staring at Farrier out of attraction? Was he touched in the head or daydreaming in class? Or was Farrier reading far too much into it? It was tiring him out because something inside him wanted to stare back into those ridiculously clear blue eyes.. Except he was the teacher, Collins was just another pupil he told himself. The day finally ended, and Timson and Collins went over to Farrier’s office. They didn’t knock, Farrier’s stomach flipped when he saw Collins, and Collins’ movements momentarily seized up when he saw Farrier. Timson trailed Collins slightly, giving time for an awkward stare into each other’s different shades of blue eyes. Farrier’s brow wasn’t furrowed, he looked curious, possibly peaceful, younger, Collins thought. When Timson entered Farrier cleared his throat.

“You forgot to knock boys” he put his concerned, busy expression back on.

“Sorry Farrier” said Timson,

“Sorry” added Collins, though still unable to look away completely.

“It’s alright, you’re here for your rooms, which I will now show you to.” He said. He passed them through the door and walked down the hall. He’d taken his blazer off and was in the same light blue button up Collins had first seen him in, minus the tie. Farrier’s strong back muscles could be seen easily through the shirt, Collins was sure the shirt was purely to tease him.

“Now, we order the rooms alphabetically, so unfortunately you won’t be able to be posted next to each other. Sorry lads, I don’t make the rules.” Said Farrier as he walked.

Timson exhaled disappointedly at Collins, who looked back with an expression of ‘oh well’.

“That’s fine” said Timson,

They turned the corner to the stairs leading up to the bedrooms.

A few rooms after the top of the stairs they stopped. “Right Timson, this is your room. Here is your key, it only unlocks your door, but keep in mind that myself, Canfield and the other officers have a master key. You can keep all your belongings inside, and do whatever you want in there that doesn’t damage property or break RAF code” said Farrier. He opened the door and then handed the key to Wingnut.

“Feel free to make yourself at home while I show Collins to his room. Oh and I should mention, there’s a lockout at 1am. If you should be outside after that time but before 8am, call the base phone number from a phone box and Canfield or myself will let you in.”

“Thanks Farrier! You two board here too?” Asked Wingnut,

“Yes we do.” Replied Farrier, giving off an air that he didn’t want to talk any more.

“If you need anything come find me or one of the others, Timson.” He said as he began to walk off.

“See ya later Wingnut!” Said Collins with a smile,

“Yeah, for sure!” Said Timson.

Farrier walked briskly with Collins at his heel.

“I thought that lad’s name was Timson” He smiled sarcastically.

“Well I thought seeing as it’s not his first name it’s okay” Collins said awkwardly.

Farrier sighed, “Just try not to get familiar. That’s the point of it, try not to get close with anyone in case.. Well, you know why. Tensions are high in Europe right now, we’re trying to prepare our trainees for the worst, he’s just your classmate.” Said Farrier,

Collins stayed quiet but managed a broken sounding “Okay”. They turned a corner and Farrier immediately felt remorseful.

“You’re the first in the alphabet to board Collins so you get this one, Farrier gestured to a door next to the end one.

“Not the room on the end?” Asked Collins, Farrier turned his body to face Collins, who was worried he’d said something wrong,

“That’s my room.”

Collins stomach dropped, but he had to hide it.

“Any corner rooms are reserved for officers, unfortunately” he continued.

“Ah okay.” Collins said.

“Meaning I don’t want to be kept up by any antics, I’ve trouble enough getting to sleep.” He said with a ghost of a smile.

“Understood Farrier. I dunnae make much noise.” Said Collins, not sure if he was happy or nervous they were next to each other.

“Thank you Collins. Here’s your key, same rules apply to you as the ones I told Timson.” Said Farrier, not making eye contact. He held the key out and dropped it into Collins' outstretch palm “Thanks, I’ll be careful with it.” the blonde said,

“Be sure that you are.” Said Farrier.

Collins forced a single chuckle to keep the conversation going. Farrier stared at Collins as he fiddled with the key, his hair was so blonde, and his eyes were so blue, he was just so pure looking compared to himself.

Collins looked up from the key to Farrier, who was already looking into Collins’ eyes. Collins saw a look of, he wasn’t sure. Longing? Reminiscence? Farrier quickly started speaking,

“Well Collins I’ll be off now, feel free to bring your belongings to base whenever you like. Oh I forgot to mention to Timson so if you could tell him, we have a kitchen if you feel like cooking, but we can write it into your fees to receive the standard food from the cafeteria, that’s what everyone tends towards anyway” said Farrier.

“Ya I’ll probably just do that, and yae I’ll tell him. Thanks Farrier, I’ll check out the room then get my stuff.” Said Collins, fiddling with the key in his hand. Farrier began to walk off and turned,

“Went for the long haircut did we?”

“Ah, yae” Collins smiled, hiding his nerves.

Farrier chuckled a bit and turned around shaking his head. Happiness was a good look on him, Collins thought. Farrier walked down the stairs and could hear Collins opening his door. Why did he mention the hair? So arbitrary! He was irritated at himself for saying that, and for the mostly awkward exchange. He told himself he’d do better next time and that Collins probably just thought he was the slightly odd teacher. But what he’d give to feel that hair through his fingers... Farrier stopped in his tracks and stared ahead, that thought was, strong. He needed to distract himself. He went to his office to see if anything needed tending, he seriously needed to stop interacting with Collins or he was going to develop serious feelings, and that was a serious problem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! The different levels of training were the real layout of the RAF in the 30s before they accelerated the program during the war. Also, RAF Gatwick was a real RAF training station, but it was shut down a few years after opening due to constant flooding. I chose to use it in my story because that means it has a clean slate and I can make it what I want.  
> I'll stop rambling about history, hope you enjoyed chapter 2!


	3. Settling In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's been reading along so far, I really appreciate it! Hope you enjoy this chapter as well :)  
> 

Collins opened the door to a nicely decorated room made of dark wood. There was a single bed on one side against the wall shared with Farrier’s room, a desk, a chest of drawers, a cupboard, and a few odd chairs. There was also a window looking out into the field behind the base, he could see the hangars and runways. There was a carpet to keep the floor warm, and even a small radiator heater.

This was better than his flat, and barely took a cut of what he’d be earning in the RAF. He walked down the road to his old flat and began to pack. He brought his things in suitcases back to the base and dumped them in his room. Collins had a bit of banter with Timson and also told him about the kitchen, who was in the process of unpacking as well, and meeting a new friend called Dawson who was also boarding. Farrier had also told Dawson not to use his first name, so Collins introduced himself as Collins, not Jack. Wingnut still said his full name, and that Dawson could call him Wingnut.

“Hey Timson, Farrier had a bit of a word with me about callin’ ya that when he was taking me to my room. I think I should keep to Timson” said Collins,

“Yeah, sorry I agree. Farrier said it’s so we don’t get too familiar.” Said Dawson.

“That’s alright Lads, I suppose I should get out of that habit” said Timson.

“Wingnut” Dawson playfully said holding back a giggle,

“Wingnut” Collins repeated stifling a laugh, elbowing Wingnut.

Timson held his ears out and said “Wingnut” they all laughed, Collins supposed among friends it would be fine. Because Wingnut had told Collins his name was William, Dawson was the first student Collins met which he actually didn’t know the first name of.

 

Collins headed out to make arrangements to have his flat put back up on the market. When he got back it was dark. Not being bothered with cooking his own meals for now Collins headed down to the cafeteria, which was underground and was essentially a very large square room. When he entered the dining area he was surprised at how many men there were, he guessed you didn’t have to board to eat here. He spotted Timson and Dawson and wandered over to them. They sat at a long wooden table sandwiched between other long wooden tables.

“Evenin’ lads” Collins said as he squeezed in.

“Hi Collins” Dawson smiled,

“Hey!” said Timson.

“What time’s dinner? A’ve spent all afternoon movin’ mae stuff” said Collins as he looked around. There were people here he hadn’t seen, from other groups.

“I think it’s served at 7, it’s ten-to now.” Said Dawson.

“Aye good” said Collins. He looked over at Dawson, Collins began to realise he was quite attractive. Collins cursed at himself in his head, not another one. Dawson was very blonde like himself, he had blue eyes and honey coloured skin. So he was quite similar in looks to Collins, but a bit shorter and with different shade of blue in his eyes, and darker skin. Collins forced himself to look away after a few seconds. The dining hall was noisy, everyone seemed ready to eat. Dawson and Wingnut were looking around at everyone too, Collins supposed it was the first time all the new cadets been together. That was when he spotted Farrier. He looked tense as usual, he was drinking from a white tin mug with a blue line along the rim. He sat at a shorter table with Canfield and who Collins assumed were the other officers. Farrier put his mug down and began looking absently around, then he found Collins’ eyes. Farrier actually held eye contact for a few beats before looking back down in front of himself uncomfortably. Collins felt his cheeks redden.

If Collins was trying to get himself noticed it was working, Farrier didn’t know how he’d act if he got confirmation of Collins’ sexuality, he was supposed to have anyone leave the RAF because that kind of thing could get in the way of work, but he didn’t want to see Collins go. Did he really just think that? No, Collins was just another student, Farrier drummed the thought into his head, maybe one day he’d believe it. He looked into his half mug of tea and swirled it around.

A loud bell ringing sounded around the room, the new students all looked around for the source while the older ones stopped talking. Farrier smiled at Canfield at the new students’ reaction,

“Bit amusing isn’t it” said Canfield,

“Indeed, everything is still exciting to them, it’ll wear off” Farrier replied with a smile.

“Dinner is served!” A woman’s voice yelled out from the front of the hall.

“Officials first, then most experienced to least experienced please!” she yelled again.

“C’mon we’re last?!” Collins whisper-yelled to his friends.

“It’s only fair mate” said Dawson,

“Yeah but I’m hungry too!” said Wingnut.

“Fook’s sake” said Collins quietly and he slouched onto the table as he watched some of the students around him rise. So this was more than everyone who joined with them, these were also students who had already done some training, Collins thought to himself. He could no longer see Farrier through the crowd of people.

“How many people do y’reckon are in here?” Dawson asked the group,

“Hundreds, like.” Guessed Collins.

“Surely not hundreds, c’mon” said Wingnut smiling at Collins,

“Well if we have one-hundred in our group altogether, there’s at least that many, so ya, I’d guess hundreds” Collins countered, smiling back.

“I guess” said Timson, looking away, Collins knocked him in the arm with his shoulder to let him know he wasn’t seriously being competitive,

“Oi don’t poke me!” Said Wingnut, Collins and Dawson both laughed at his remark, He shoved Collins back,

“You southerners get offended too easily!” said Collins and they all chuckled.

One of the older boys who was getting up must have gotten shoved accidentally, he turned around,

“What are you boys doing, have some respect.” He said looking down his nose at them,

“Sorry ah, we dunnae mean tuh” said Collins, who then watched as the older boy’s face screwed up. The boy looked down his nose at Collins,

“A Scot in this hall, the world’s gone mad letting the likes of you in here.” He walked off.

Collins was genuinely confused as to what he felt, he was embarrassed as well as angry and wasn’t sure if he wanted to sit and stare at the table or go after the boy.

“Don’t worry mate, we’re not all like him.” Said Wingnut, putting a hand on Collins’ shoulder.

“Dinnae know anyone here didn’t like us” said Collins making eye contact with Wingnut.

“Well,” Dawson began, Collins turned to face him.

“There are some people everywhere who don’t like different things, you know? Can’t please everyone mate” he said.

“Ya, s’pose.” Said Collins.

“Why don’t some of yer like people like me?” He asked while looking at the table in front of him. Wingnut and Dawson looked at each other, not sure who should say

“Well mate,” Wingnut started,

“Some of the people from the South see people from Scotland, and even people from the North of England…” he didn’t know how to continue so Dawson did.

“They see northerners as a bit… Rough. Not as gentle in character or demeanor.” He said.

Collins chuckled, but he wasn’t happy.

“Well, they’re not so wrong” Collins decided to confront the boy. He began to stand up when his friends each took an arm and sat him back down.

“Make a good impression mate, don’t want the superiors thinkin’ you’re a troublemaker hey?” said Wingnut.

“You’re right. Farrier already thinks I might be” Collins said quietly.

“Wait, does he?” Said Dawson,

“Aye, my civil flight trainer wrote on my certificate that I’m ‘audacious’. He said it in a positive manner aye, but Farrier didn’t seem tae appreciate it.” Collins said with a faint smile to Dawson.

“Well, show the grumpy old Squadron Leader he’s wrong about you” said Dawson, coaxing a chuckle out of Collins.

“Let’s line up lads” said Wingnut,

“Aye, let’s” agreed Collins.

The three filed into a long line which snaked through the tables. This was going to take a while, Collins could already tell. He had a clear view of the front, he could see quite a few busy cooks spooning things onto the outheld plates of the teachers. He made out Canfield, then looked next to him to find Farrier. He saw Farrier smile to a woman giving him food, he saw his mouth move and supposed he said ‘thank you’. The woman smiled back as Farrier walked off, then she turned to her friend behind the counter and smiled excitedly. Collins guessed Farrier was popular amongst the kitchen lasses. He’d probably been here long enough to learn all their names.

“Move on Collins!” Wingnut pushed Collins from behind, the line had moved about a metre in front of him, Dawson looked back at Collins and chuckled.

“Staring at the lovely ladies are we Collins?” he jested,

“Ah you know me” Collins replied with a smile. He was glad he seemed to react to situations like that, without even thinking of his words. Collins moved up but looked over to Farrier again, who had since sat down. All the other officials were still getting their food, and Collins knew the ranks and knew Canfield was Farrier’s superior, so he guessed he’d let Farrier in front of him which was nice, Collins thought. Collins’ stomach jolted when Farrier looked up from his plate, he surveyed the room before finding Collins, who wanted to smile but was frozen. Farrier lifted his eyebrows and put his hand out in a ‘what?’ gesture, Collins quickly looked away, his nervous confidence made him chuckle while looking down.

Farrier wasn’t sure why Collins felt like he could watch Farrier whenever he wanted, it was attention the man wasn’t at all used to, like a puppy that wouldn’t leave him alone. Could this boy really not keep his eyes off him? Surely that wasn’t the reason. He saw Canfield walking over.

“Canfield might I speak to you?” Farrier asked,

“Of course, if you let me start my food first” Canfield laughed as he sat down.

They ate together for a while but then the other officers began to sit.

“I’ll tell you another time” said Farrier quietly to Canfield.

“Food looks good tonight boys” said Farrier with a smile,

“Sure does Squadron Leader” answered one.

The line had moved considerably, it had been about 20 minutes and the boys were three quarters of the way to the front.

“I think it’s meat” said Collins, looking over.

“Good” said Dawson. The boys finally made it to the counter, collected their basic meat and vegetables, and sat down again. They didn’t even exchange words, all three were so hungry they finished in about ten minutes.

“That was good, that was really good” said Wingnut, pushing his empty plate back from himself.

“Agreed mate” said Collins,

“I’m stuffed” said Dawson.

The boys gave their plates back and sat at the table again.

“So what do you two do?” Dawson asked,

“Fly planes, now” said Timson in jest,

“I mean, what are your hobbies lads? What do you like doing when you’re not flying?” Dawson clarified.

“I like playing football, I love being active, ya know?” answered Wingnut.

“Ah yeah. I go to the gymnasium sometimes, don’t play sport though. I’m actually from Weymouth so I can sail a boat, used to do it with my Pa and little brother when I was there. Heard stories from my uncle who flew and it just sounded so great, since there's no base there I decided to come out here, but I've never been one for a big city, so this, just out of London is nice.” said Dawson.

“Ya, I know exactly what that feels like, I'm from a town in the highlands.” Said Collins.

“Yeah? What did you do in said town then?” Dawson asked,

“Me, I actually write and draw, I walk a lot and used to get a lot of inspiration for my art from the highlands, where I’m from. It’s pretty different here, not as much snow or mountains” Collins laughed. “I also dance a bit”

This elicited impressed faces from the others.

“So Wingnut, you’re the only one here who’s actually from London?” Dawson asked, Collins was relieved he didn’t ask why he moved here.

“Sure am, London born and bred!” answered Wingnut.

“Well lads” Collins began,

“I think I might head up to bed for a bit, I haven’ actually finished readin’ that manual they gave us on how to conduct ourselves” Collins grinned.

They left the dining hall, Collins made a point not to turn around to look at a certain someone as he did so. As he lay in his bed, which was very comfortable indeed, he did his reading. Later on he heard Farrier open his bedroom door and then close it again, didn’t hear anything else from him that night, and soon after Collins fell asleep with the pamphlet on his belly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So he's settled in and ready to learn! As I've mentioned I tried to keep it historically accurate, and it was true that often pilots only knew each other's last names, as the only places you could find first names were on teacher's lists and such. The pamphlets about how to conduct yourself also did exist!


	4. The first signs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you so much for reading my work. This one is a bit shorter but it's cute!

That’s how the first few weeks went, Collins, Wingnut and Dawson sat together in the classrooms, but in the middle at Dawson’s request because apparently sitting at the front was for ‘obnoxious twats’ much to Collins’ viewing disappointment. They always went down to the sandwich bar Collins and Timson had discovered, rather than the cafeteria for lunch, and every breakfast and dinner there would be banter, as well as a generous amount of Collins trying not to stare at Farrier.

But then a development happened.

One Tuesday during aerodynamics class, Farrier said something which sparked Collins’ interest.

“If any of you are struggling, and believe me I know some of you are because I actually do read the work believe it or not,” Farrier smiled and some of the students laughed nervously,

“I will be offering tutoring sessions after hours. If you feel like you’re not doing as well as you could be, come and see me and we can discuss the idea.”

The students had somewhat warmed to Farrier, and Farrier had become a little less uptight, he even made sarcastic, dry comments occasionally. The class seemed to treat Farrier as one of the lads in a partially joking, partially genuine way, as if they were making an effort to get Farrier out of his shell, which was nice Collins thought.

Collins wasn’t falling behind, quite the opposite, but he thought if he could find a reason to go, perhaps he could figure out what was going on in Farrier’s head, get to know him even. Collins had somewhat abandoned the idea of trying to hide his attraction completely, it hadn’t been addressed at all so he assumed it was so minute of a problem that nobody cared enough to talk to him about it, even when Farrier had raised his eyebrows at dinner the first night he went to the cafeteria, he never went up to Collins and confronted him about it.

“We should do that!” Collins murmured to Wingnut, who he knew was falling behind a bit.

“Yeah I will be, but I didn’t realise you needed any help” replied Wingnut.

“What, you want to go Collins? Why?” said Dawson, who was doing just as well as Collins.

“Wingnut, I can come along with yer and maybe I can help” said Collins,

“I mean, sure I don’t mind, but you don’t seem to need it mate.” Said Wingnut.

“Sometimes I wonder if I do though. I can answer the questions but sometimes I donnae really understand the logic behind the answers” Collins said, proud that he’d come up with some sort of excuse as to why he wanted to go. It wasn’t entirely made up either, he could easily answer the questions, but he didn’t question the _why_ and _how_ of them.

Class ended, and Wingnut went up to the teacher’s desk which Farrier was leaning on the front of.

“I’d like tutoring please, Squadron Leader Farrier.” Said Wingnut,

“Timson, glad you made that decision. I could do any day after 4, I’d be spending an hour with you going through any work you don’t understand.” Said Farrier, not making eye contact with Collins.

“Right, maybe every Wednesday at 4?” said Timson,

“Absolutely, I guess I’ll see you in tomorrow at 4, in this room by the way.” Farrier smiled.

“Thanks Farrier, see ya then!” said Wingnut. Wingnut then spotted Dawson waiting at the door smiling expectantly,

“I’m gonna go with Dawson, catch you up later Collins” said Wingnut,

“Yae, see ya then mate” Collins replied.

“Don’t tell me you think you’re getting tutoring sessions with me Collins.” Farrier crossed his arms over his torso, the blue material of his shirt stretching against his biceps.

“Ya, actually. I know I can answer the stuff but sometimes I donnae get why the equations work, or why they work.” Collins shoved his hands in his pockets and stood up straight, Farrier slouching back on the desk made the height difference more obvious. The Squadron Leader sighed,

“You can come, but if I decide you don’t need them, I’m not going to continue, okay? It’s my free time after all”

“That’s fine, I assume you don’t want me coming along with Timson?” Collins had to stop himself saying Wingnut.

“No, you two’ll distract each other to no end and I’ll hardly get a word in.” Farrier smiled an empty smile,

“Aight, so perhaps Thursday then at 4?” said Collins, smiling a happy smile,

“Yes that should be fine Collins, I’ll see you then.” He said tiredly,

“See ya then Farrier” Collins continued to smile and walked out.

Collins finally finished the pamphlet that night, he learned that in the higher divisions of the RAF they had to salute to any superior every time they walked past. Collins thought It’d be weird to salute to Farrier, or any of them.

The next day, Timson had his tutoring session with Farrier, at lunch that day Collins had asked him to let him know what it was like after. Collins was currently sitting on his bed after class, waiting for Wingnut to finish at 5. He went over to his window and looked out at the hangars, some of the planes were still out from the older students using them. Collins couldn’t wait to be back in the air, he remembered every detail, how to start the plane perfectly, how to land, it was an obsession, a passion. Then there was a sharp knock at the door.

“Ey you” it was Wingnut,

“Ya, comin’” said Collins walking over.

He unlocked the door and Wingnut came in and sat on the bed,

“Well, that was fucken’ helpful” he said, exhaling deeply.

“Sarcasm?” asked Collins,

“No no, it was genuinely really helpful for me.” he said, smiling.

“Ah well that’s great, mate!” said Collins, sitting in the single chair in his room.

“Yeah he’s easy to understand, unlike some people” Wingnut eyed Collins with a smirk,

“Ey now” Collins laughed, resisting the urge to make his accent stronger on purpose.

“Yeah but seriously Farrier doesn’t treat ya like you’re stupid for not knowing, he takes you through it slowly until you get it, didn’t make me feel dumb or anything” said Timson.

“Well good, let’s hope he treats me the same” said Collins,

“Yeah he will, speaking to ‘im one on one is different ya know, he’s not as… weird” said Timson,

“Weird? Ya mean how he’s kinda quiet and closed off” Collins asked,

“Yeah, yeah.” Answered Timson.

“Well I’m glad you had a good experience with it mate, you’ll be teaching me in no time!” joked Collins.

The next day, Collins spent most of the class time between idly answering questions he didn’t really have to pay attention to, compiling a list of things to ask Farrier to make sure he thought Collins deserved to be there.

The final lesson of the day, history of flight, was taken by Canfield. The class was fascinated, not in the class content but in anything Canfield said about his experience in the War.

“Come on then, how was the Sopwith Camel?” someone asked while they were on the topic of the particular plane.

"The Sopwith bloody Camel," Canfield laughed, 

"difficult to fly in today’s terms and back then as well. Too touchy for my liking, but Farrier wasn’t bad in them.” Canfield said in thought, chalk still in his hand. The class got loud at the mention of the Squadron Leader,

“Tell us more war stories!” Someone else yelled, followed by laughter

“That’s enough class, I’m not here to teach you our personal histories!” Canfield chuckled.

Collins was beyond nervous as class drew to a close, and as soon as the clock struck 4, his stomach dropped. The old bell was rung, and the students scattered. Dawson and Timson made their way to the door with Collins, but after exiting the classroom Collins realised he never specified a meeting place for his tutoring.

“Right lads, I need to go find Farrier for my tutoring session. I’ll see ya later” said Collins to them

“See you then mate” said Dawson,

“Later!” said Wingnut.

Collins first went into the classroom Wingnut had his tutoring session in, but it was empty. Then he knocked on the door of Farrier’s office but there was no reply. He went back into the classroom he had just had class in to find Canfield still erasing some things from the blackboard.

“S’cuse me, Canfield.” Collins nervously stood in the doorway.

“Hello my dear boy, what can I do for you?”

“I was actually lookin’ for Farrier, I have a tutoring session with him and I dunno where he is” Collins rubbed the back of his neck as he finished his sentence.

“I’m sure I’ve no idea I’m sorry, you’ve checked his office?” said Canfield,

“Well I knocked and there was no answer” said Collins,

“I don’t know where he is, sorry I can’t help you Collins, but chances are he’s looking for you if you’ve an appointment with him now” said Canfield.

“Ya true, aight, thank you anyway” said Collins politely,

“Of course son” replied Canfield before turning back to the blackboard.

No sooner had Collins gone back into the hallway and walked one classroom down did he hear,

“Collins, I was looking for you” from behind him.

“Ah, Farrier, I was looking for you too. Realised I never specified where to meet ya, sorry” said Collins smiling nervously,

“No it’s fine it was my fault. Let’s just do your lesson in this one, Farrier ducked into the nearest classroom.

The session flew by faster than Collins had hoped, Farrier was very careful and caring about explaining and making sure Collins understood. He was also very intelligent, Collins learned, much more than he had thought before. He was able to answer every question with ease, though a lot of questions were follow-ons from others or somewhat irrelevant altogether. It was hard not to stare at Farrier the whole time but Collins thought he did a good job of acting normal, only holding eye contact for a few too many beats once or twice.

“16:57.” Farrier read off his watch. “Any other questions today?”

“Uhh, not that I can think off the top o’ mae head” said Collins, thinking.

“Can I continue with tutoring?” he asked,

“Well, you actually did come up with a substantial amount of questions, though some weren’t necessary for your learning” Farrier smiled a bit and met Collins’ gaze,

“But, I don’t mind setting aside a little time for one curious student if you think it helps” Farrier’s smile widened a little.

“Oh, thank you! I did learn a lot just now, and it does help me to understand the reasoning behind the questions, makes the work seem less pointless” Collins joked.

“Now now, I helped design some of those courses” Farrier laughed.

Oh how Collins loved seeing the emotion of happiness on Farrier’s face, something of a rarity on such a serious man.

“Thank you” Collins said earnestly, Farrier’s smile dropped to a small but humble one, “For letting me come to a tutoring session. I enjoyed it.” Said Collins.

“Of course, I enjoyed it too.” Farrier said, somewhat losing his composure in those ridiculously blue eyes, surely he could allow himself this tiny pleasure, after all Collins was always staring. It was the blonde who snapped out of it first,

“Right, I should be off”

“Yes, absolutely.” Farrier quickly replied.

Collins gathered the sheets of paper they’d written on,

“Thanks again, Farrier” he said with a small smile as he walked out the door.

Once the blonde had left and was out of earshot Farrier slouched back in his chair and let out a long sigh, followed by a whispered,

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone enjoyed! I'll hopefully be uploading a chapter every Monday so stay tuned :) let me know what you thought in the comments, I love feedback!


	5. Being troublesome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weekly chapter is here! Hope everyone enjoys this one :)

Same time next week, Collins had another set of questions to ask Farrier. They met in the same classroom as last time.

“Hiya” said Collins as he walked in, Farrier was already there,

“Oh, hello Collins” he said with a shy smile. Collins walked over to the desk they usually sat at, front row next to the window.

Collins really hoped he wasn’t blushing but could feel the warmth creeping up from his neck to his face just from seeing the man.

“Well, A’ve got a few questions today,” Collins smiled innocently and held eye contact.

“What questions be those?” Farrier said in a monotone voice, trying to keep his emotions inside. “Anything to do with this week’s new work?” he added,

“Yae they are” Collins reached into his pocket and pulled out some sheets they’d been given. Working through the questions helped Farrier recompose himself. He couldn’t shake the feeling of butterflies in his belly the whole time, but he could at least get used to it. He began taking in not just the questions from Collins, but the man himself. Farrier just couldn’t help it. He noticed his dimples, the few freckles, the way his hands moved, elegantly over the pages, expressing every sentence with arbitrary gestures in the air.

Farrier was on the verge of admitting his feelings to himself.

He could tell Collins was trying to focus on the work and Farrier felt embarrassed that he was more distracted than a pupil, he was meant to be the stoic one, he thought to himself. That’s what Canfield called him anyway. It finally ticked over to 5 o’clock but neither of them noticed. Only a few minutes later though Farrier checked his watch,

“Ah, we’ve gone overtime”

“Oh, so we have, sorry” said Collins.

“No problem Collins, hoped I answered all your questions.” Said Farrier with a forced smile, Collins met his eyes,

“Just aboot” Collins couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. As they stood Collins was hit by a faint smell, it was Farrier. Not cologne, just his natural smell. It felt like something that he shouldn’t have smelt, somehow private to Farrier only, but that only made it more special to Collins.

“See ya same time next week” Collins said as we walked off, looking back,

“See you then Collins” Farrier pasted a smile on his face that he knew probably looked forced. Collins held eye contact for two long, and then left in the same happy-go-lucky way he always walked off in. Once the blonde was gone Farrier rested his hands on the desk in front of him, his arm muscles began to shake slightly due to the pressure he was exerting on the table. Farrier was frustrated with himself, and embarrassed. He was worried that something would happen between them, he had genuine trouble not staring at Collins, and was getting downright flustered around the young man. It was the last thing Farrier wanted to do about the matter, but he had to speak to Canfield.

Farrier walked briskly to the older man’s office and didn’t find him there, so he went upstairs to Canfield’s bedroom. He knocked on the door,

“Yes?”

“It’s me.”

Canfield opened the door.

“You don’t have to knock, lad.” He said with a warm smile.

“I know, just precautionary. Anyway, I never told you what I was going to at dinner a few weeks ago.” Farrier rubbed the back of his head,

“Ah, yes. Don’t stand in the doorway, come in Thomas.”

Farrier was waved in, he sat on a wooden chair by Canfield’s window, whilst Canfield sat on his bed looking towards Farrier.

“Now” Farrier began,

“I already know what this is about, son” Canfield chuckled.

“Oh really.” Said Farrier in a jesting tone,

“Is it about dear young Collins, by any chance?” Asked Canfield with a grin. Farrier didn’t let his eyes stray from the window for a beat or two, but resigned soon after and could only look over at Canfield in defeat and embarrassment.

“Thought so.” Canfield chuckled.

“He’s being troublesome.” Said Farrier,

“In what way?” said Canfield,

“I think he’s… Interested.” Admitted Farrier, making helpless eye contact.

“So? Ignore the lad and he will go away, just like what _you_ told _me_ all those weeks ago” Canfield prodded Farrier’s knee with a finger.

“I know, I know. I’m trying to ignore him but he’s persistent. I need to deal with it.” Farrier knew there wasn’t much Canfield could say, he just needed to share what was happening.

“Well he hasn’t actually _done_ anything has he?” Canfield asked,

“No.”

“Well then he hasn’t broken any laws, so we can’t do anything drastic. Just have a quiet word to him, maybe let him know you can tell what he’s doing, that’ll probably scare the lad into never looking in your direction again!” Canfield laughed,

“Yeah, maybe I will talk to him about it.” Farrier said, looking out the window. There was a pause,

“You know, he’s a really good student, Michael. He’s firing through the classwork, he comes to weekly tutoring because he’s thirsty for even more knowledge.” Farrier’s face had lit up, a genuinely happy smile.

Canfield had a smaller, perhaps disenchanted one.

“I know that look Farrier, I'd hoped I wouldn't see it on you today.” Canfield said, Farrier’s smile dropped. The old man continued,

“You don’t know what to do because you like the attention he gives you deep down, perhaps you don’t even know it yet. You came here because you’re worried this will become a real issue, because it has the potential to if both parties are interested.” Both of the men’s smiles had disappeared. Farrier ran his hand through his hair, then began picking at his sleeve.

“Say it’s not so.” Canfield said in a low voice,

But Farrier couldn’t answer, he was ashamed and looked at the floor.

“Farrier.”

Farrier looked up, Canfield had a way of making him feel like a boy again. It was like getting in trouble at school.

“I don’t mind what you are, I’ve always said that. But I don’t want to see you, or a bright student, in trouble with the law. As long as you can live an unassuming life, it shouldn’t matter. But,” Canfield said,

“If it begins to interfere with anything, it becomes a problem, Tom.” He said.

“I know, I don’t want any trouble with the law, of course. I just wanted to talk to someone, that's why I came up here.” Farrier sounded disheartened. Canfield reached over and patted his knee,

“It’s okay lad, just don’t let anything get in the way of work, I know you’ll find a way to deal with it, just don’t let it show.” Canfield smiled in an attempt to cheer his friend up.

“Thanks for letting me come and chat, Canfield” Farrier smiled an empty smile,

“Of course, any time I’m here.” Replied Canfield.

“I should go, but… Thank you for accepting me, something Dad never could do, still can't do.” Farrier said earnestly,

“I always will.” Replied Canfield.

Farrier walked out the door, down the hallway and walked to his room.

 

Collins had been sitting in his room for a few minutes when he heard Farrier open and close his door again, he smiled. Then a knock at Collins’ door cleared his thoughts.

“Who is et?”

“Me, Dawson.”

“Aye come in mate.”

Dawson opened the door and walked over to Collins,

“Hey I signed up to boarding and I’m basically between you and Wingnut, he’s in my room now, we were wondering if you wanted to come and catch up a bit?” Dawson said,

“Aye sure, great we’re all kind of close!” said Collins, walking towards the door, Dawson followed.

“Yeah, definitely mate!”

Farrier heard someone- Dawson by the sounds of the voice, at Collins’ door, then heard them leave his room and a few laughs in the corridor. He didn’t know why but this irked him. Jealousy? No, definitely not. What was there to be jealous of? Dawson wasn’t that attractive, except he was. He had golden skin, no scars, he was carefree too, something Farrier didn’t consider himself to be, nor did anyone else.

“Ah, what am I thinking?” he murmured to himself, he had no reason to be jealous because he wasn’t interested in Collins, he reminded himself.

Collins entered Dawson’s room,

“Ello there!” said Wingnut,

“Hey mate, how are yae?” Collins smiled,

“Yeah good!” replied Timson. Dawson closed the door and they all sat crossed legged on the bed.

“This is cool guys,” said Dawson,

“Yeah mate.” Said Wingnut.

“How was tutoring then?” asked Timson.

“Ya it was good, he goes really in depth explaining stuff, it’s just what ah was lookin’ for, and ya you’re right he seems less borin’ when it’s one on one.” Replied Collins, doing, in his opinion a good job at hiding the fact that he enjoyed it for a completely different reason.

“Yeah good, glad you’re enjoying it” Wingnut replied,

“Yeah, I’m glad you two are getting the help you wanted.” Dawson said.

“You lads wanna do somethin’ together? It’s all well and good we can all catch up in Dawson’s room aye, but I dunnae wanna be sittin’ here with you two for two long” Collins joked,

“We could go out for dinner?” suggested Timson,

“Yeah we should do that! We haven’t done anythin’ as friends yet guys” Dawson added,

“Alright, but no drinkin’ we’ve got class tomorrow.” Said Collins.

“Fine!” Wingnut jokingly rolled his eyes earning a chuckle from the others.

“Hey we haven’t gone to the sandwich store with Dawson yet, it’s open till late ya know” said Collins to Wingnut.

“Oh I see, I’m the other friend” Dawson laughed,

“I’d love to see where you two gays go off to every day” Dawson added, Wingnut elbowed Dawson while Collins laughed uncomfortably at the joke.

“Alright we’ll go there.” Said Wingnut.

Farrier was sitting in the dining hall at his table and had just completed his fifth scan of the room. No Collins. Or Dawson or Timson.

“What are you looking for?” Canfield interrupted Farrier’s scanning,

“Not looking for anything, just looking around.” Said Farrier absentmindedly, Canfield hummed as if to say he wasn’t convinced, Farrier didn’t care. He tried not to be bothered by the lack of Collins, he didn’t have to eat here every night, but Farrier had seen him every single night so far, so tonight was a bit odd for him.

The three friends walked down to the sandwich bar, it was getting dark and cold so they quickly hurried inside.

“This place is cool” said Dawson.

“Yeah, food’s good and cheap too” said Timson. They sat at a table and had a look through the menu. As well as sandwiches, which was all Wingnut and Collins ever got, they had hot chips, wraps, soups and salads.

“Thinkin’ o’ getting’ a soup boys, warm up a bit” said Collins,

“I was thinking the same thing!” said Wingnut,

“Yeah I may as well too, otherwise we’ll be here forever waiting for me to decide.” said Dawson,

“Well then, three soups it is. I’m getting that broccoli one, what aboot you lads?” Collins said,

“I’ll get pumpkin” said Dawson,

“And I think I’ll be getting the leek and potato” Wingnut added.

The boys ordered and waited for their meals.

The ladies at the dining hall rang the dinner bell and Farrier began to stand with the rest of the men. As they walked to the front, as usual Canfield offered Farrier the first spot which was meant to be for Canfield as he was the highest ranked person there.

“No not tonight Michael, I can’t take your spot every time” Farrier said warmly before going behind Canfield in line,

“Alright, doesn’t make much of a difference anyway, I’m starving” Canfield smiled, Farrier smiled back. He wasn’t really hungry, he was more interested in where those three troublemakers had gone. The ladies gave him a big smile as he passed per usual, he smiled back out of politeness.

“That was very nice” Dawson said as he finished mopping up the remains of his soup with some bread.

“yup.” Agreed Timson,

“Yae mine too.” Said Collins. After a bit of chatter, they began the short walk back to the base.

“I wanna come with you guys more to that place, that was great!” Dawson said,

“Yeah sure, I dunno why we didn’t even think to take you as soon as we met to be honest” said Collins,

“Yeah you can come whenever you want mate” Timson added.

Farrier finished his food and said his goodnights. He was about to open his door when he heard familiar voices behind him, he turned around to see Collins walking and laughing with Timson and Dawson. A sudden feeling of nervousness came over him so Farrier quickly ducked inside his room and shut the door. He heard some more laughter followed by Collins opening his door, Farrier seized the moment to open his, stupidly. Without thought as to why he should do this. Now he had to make up an excuse.

“Oh, Collins.” He pretended he didn’t know he was there,

“Oh, hiya Farrier” smiled Collins, he had just begun to undo his top button to get ready for bed, Farrier looked down to see a layer of golden hair on Collins’ upper chest, Collins watched the man’s eyes turn downwards so he turned away self-consciously.

“Was there somethin’ ya needed?” Collins asked,

“No, I was just heading downstairs for a bit, didn’t realise you’d be here.” Farrier answered,

There was a brief silence between them.

“Didn’t see you at dinner tonight” Farrier said as he looked at the floor,

“Ya, I went out with my friends” Collins replied, he’d done his button back up.

“Oh. Well was it nice?” Farrier asked, noting how self-conscious Collins seemed to be,

“Yae, it was.” Collins gave a small smile.

“Collins, before I go downstairs,” Farrier needed to let Collins know that he could see what he was doing, try and make sure a stern word put a stop to it, but Farrier wasn’t sure he wanted the attention to stop, and didn’t have the heart to say a thing. He mentally scorned himself for being soft.

“Never mind. As you were Collins, enjoy your evening.” Said Farrier as he walked downstairs. He heard Collins shut his door a time later that meant he had watched Farrier walk away. He had to go downstairs not because he had anything to do, but because he told Collins he would. He found some things to tidy in his office before heading back up.

Collins flumped down onto his bed, _what was that about?_ He thought to himself. Collins didn’t really like his body, he was too lanky, not enough muscle, not tanned enough. He didn’t need the thought that Farrier had seen part of his body on his mind either, even if it was only one button down on his shirt, so he began to sketch the sandwich bar to distract himself.

Collins fell asleep pencil in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading, any feedback is greatly appreciated :) New chapter every Monday!


	6. Celebration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's just filled with feel good energy tbh. Hope everyone enjoys :)

At the end of that week on the last lesson of Friday, Farrier made an announcement to the class.

“Right lads. It’s the first of May, you’re four weeks in now, so congratulations on making it through the first month. Now there’s a little surprise waiting for all of you down in the dining hall, I’m very proud of you all.” Farrier’s smile looked genuine, Collins knew what he was talking about as soon as the words left his mouth.

The students were quick to file out after that statement. Farrier overheard Timson and Collins talking,

“What d’you think he was talking about down there mate?” Timson asked,

“Uniforms of course!” Collins looked like he could barely contain his excitement.

“You’re joking!” Dawson chipped in,

“No, he said they come in after a month!” Collins said, Farrier couldn’t hide the smile this gave him, how excited Collins was.

The students ran downstairs into the dining room, Collins knew he was right about the uniforms before they even reached the door into the dining area because the whole room had erupted with shouts of happiness, so loud that Farrier could hear it upstairs, he was in a great mood, he always loved seeing the students get excited over the new uniforms. Something so rudimentary to him by now was still so amazing to them.

They were all in cardboard boxes on the tables, it was chaotic at best. Collins saw peaks of dark blue material out of boxes of students too eager to wait, his heart began to race in anticipation. There were sheets of names in alphabetical order, at long last Collins found his box. He grabbed it and managed to find Wingnut.

“I’m gonna get out of this chaos mate, knock on my door when you’re up.”

“Good fucken’ choice, I’ll let you know when I’ve got mine upstairs too.” The pair exchanged a grin before Collins moved off to the stampede of students who had their boxes and were trying to leave. He managed to get upstairs relatively easily, as most students departed the building onto the street at ground floor, but Collins followed the stairs to the second floor. He jogged along the corridor, turned the corner and opened his door haphazardly before dumping the box on his bed. He kicked his door shut and promptly stripped, he could not wait to try this on. Collins was grinning ear to ear as he opened the box, and then he saw his first glimpse.

Royal blue blazer and matching belt, with gold buttons, perfect crisp collar, and made of beautiful thick warm wool. It somehow looked even more special than his old Scottish one, hanging forgotten in his cupboard. He carefully lifted the new blazer out of the box and placed it on the bed. A matching pair of woollen trousers, equally ostentatious, which were placed with just as much care on the bed. Then was that classic light blue button up shirt, two of the same actually, then the dark blue tie, and two pairs of thinner navy pants, the uniform Collins saw the instructors wear every day. Then he got to two beige coloured button up short sleeve shirts and matching beige pants, which were very lightweight, and two plain white t-shirts. At the bottom of the box were three pairs of shoes, one was a pair of professional black and shiny lace ups, one was a pair of short black boots, and the other was a pair of long black leather boots with woollen insulation inside.

Collins first put on the thick woollen trousers, which fit perfectly around him, then he threw on the blue shirt and tucked it into his pants around his slim waist, then the tie and finally his beautiful new blazer and the dress shoes. He turned to look at himself in the mirror against the wall, now he looked the part. He combed a hand through his hair to neaten it and straightened his tie. Collins felt very important indeed. A knock at his door stopped his vain thoughts,

“Hey mate, I’m here!” it was Wingnut,

“Me too!” and Dawson.

“Come in lads, it’s open!” Collins called, they opened the door and Collins saw that they were wearing their uniforms too.

“Bloody hell we look good!” Dawson said,

“Ah this is great guys! Look at you two!” Collins grinned. They exchanged boyish embraces, and all walked out into the hall. They walked downstairs and saw many other men who had changed in the locker room and bathrooms, all looking proud.

“Hey guys, looking good!” one of them said to the three,

“Thanks, you too!” Dawson replied.

“Lots of us are thinking of heading out tonight and celebrating, I mean it’s Friday, we’re all looking pretty darn dashing, we’re trying to get as many as we can on board. Wanna join?” the brunette asked,

“I will” smiled Collins,

“Yeah me too!” Wingnut chipped in,

“I’d love to mate!” said Dawson.

“Great! See if anyone else wants to. We’re all gonna arrive at the Red Pint around 7 tonight so be there!” He walked off into the crowd.

“This’ll be a great night I reckon.” Said Timson, Collins threw an arm around him,

“You bet mate”, Dawson grinned at the two.

“Well let’s hang out upstairs for a bit then go.” Suggested Dawson.

The three went and all sat in Dawson’s room for a while playing cards. At around 4:30 Collins heard footsteps outside the door, then heard Farrier cough, confirming who he thought it was.

“Should we invite Farrier?” He asked his friends innocently, the two chuckled which made Collins nervous.

“I mean, it’d be hilarious to ask but I doubt he’d ever do it” Dawson said,

“Yeah I agree. I’d actually like him to be there but yeah, I don’t think he’ll come. You can ask though.” Said Wingnut.

“Challenge accepted boys” Collins smiled, causing more chuckles,

“Challenge: Get the crankiest instructor on base to come and fucken party!” Wingnut almost yelled,

“Quiet ya fucken loon, he’s in the hallway!” Collins said, earning more laughter. He got off the bed and went to the door,

“I’ll be back in a bit, don’ look at my cards!” he said as he left Dawson’s room.

Farrier was closing his door when Collins got out of Dawson’s room. He ran and was able to get in a

“Farri” before the door shut. But then it opened straight after, a peaceful looking Farrier peered out. _Peaceful?_ Collins thought, he was surprised not to see Farrier’s trademark furrowed brow, or an elusive smile, but something neutral.

“Yes?” Farrier said, moving out of his room but still holding the door.

“I ah, well firstly I wanted to say that the uniform fits perfectly” Collins rubbed the back of his neck, Farrier smiled,

“I’m glad it does, you all look very fine in them.” That was a very calmed down version of what Farrier’s mind wanted to say.

Collins nervously chuckled.

“The second thing is…” He had no idea it would be this difficult.

“Me and the lads were wonderin’ if ya wanted to come out with us tonight, celebrate. Not just with us, there’s a lot goin’. It’ll be at the Red Pint.” He said, not able to look into Farrier’s eyes for long periods of time.

“I really appreciate the thought Collins, but I’ve got work to do.” Said Farrier kindly, he began to back into his room. _No._ Collins thought, he couldn’t just say that and get out of it.

“What work on a Friday night?” Collins asked, half his mouth turned upwards slightly.

“That’s not a question I need to give you an answer to, Collins.” Farrier said with a smirk, but there was the familiar removed, guarded voice. Collins tilted his head sideways in a _come on_ gesture. Collins didn’t even believe Farrier had any work to do.

“What, what else can I say? I’m busy!” Farrier laughed in a defensive manner.

“Alright, alright, didn’t think you were too strained to go out once in a while, guess I was wrong.” Collins smirked, he knew this would strike a nerve. It did, immediately and he could see it on Farrier’s face.

“C’mon, you don’ have any work to do Farrier, that much I do know.” Farrier looked taken aback.

“You don’t know anything about my private life Collins.” Farrier looked at the ground.

“No, I don’t. But I know I’d like you to be there tonight.” Collins looked earnestly into Farrier’s eyes, hoping making eye contact would amount to something.

Farrier sighed a relenting sigh, Collins’ stomach fluttered.

“I’ll think about it, that’s all.” Farrier said, eyebrows raised.

“Great” Collins smiled.

“Let us know by 5:45.” Collins said with a voice full of happiness.

Farrier smiled in an _are you happy now?_ Kind of way and closed his door.

 

 “You gonna drink tonight?” Wingnut asked Dawson as they sat on the bed looking at Collins’ cards while he was gone,

“Yeah, ‘course mate! You better be too I hope!” he replied,

“Yeah yeah I will, Saturday is like, what 2 classes? And I think all the instructors are going to know we went out so it’ll be fine.” Replied Timson.

“Nice” said Dawson. The two heard a knock at the door, Dawson got up and opened the door to Collins, who had a smile that looked like he was struggling to contain on his face.

“What? Don’t tell me he didn’t shut ya down in five seconds.” Dawson said.

“He said he’s gonna think about it!” Collins said excitedly

“What!” Wingnut laughed on the bed.

“Oh if he says yes I’m gonna have a fit!” Dawson laughed and closed the door behind Collins.

“Well boys, thanks for not messin’ with ma cards” Collins said eyeing the mess that was a neat pile, he put his hands on his hips as they laughed.

Farrier didn’t want to go. But he wanted to see Collins, and he was friends with the barman at Red’s, mainly from being there too many times. He knew Canfield would disapprove… Unless he could get him to come along! Maybe that would make sure Farrier stayed on track, and would give him someone to talk to as the barman would likely be preoccupied. He decided that was a good idea, besides if he didn’t go he’d be moping about thinking about why he should have gone. He went to Canfield’s bedroom and knocked. It’d be good to get the old man out anyway.

“Come in?” said Canfield.

“Hi Canfield” said Farrier

“Ah, Tom. Don’t the initiates look splendid?” said Canfield,

“That they do. I actually had a question regarding them.” Farrier said and sat on a wooden chair by Canfield’s desk.

“I’ve been invited to celebrate with them. I was wondering if you’d like to keep me company.” Farrier smiled and tried to hide his discomfort with the thought of being out with Collins without Canfield.

“Well, I’ve not been out for years, my friend.” Canfield said,

“But” the older man added,

Farrier got excited,

“I suppose I can make an exception for tonight. I’m not teaching until the afternoon tomorrow, I suppose it would be good for my old soul to get out while I can!” Canfield laughed. Farrier was elated,

“We’ll have a good time, I’m sure of it.” He smiled,

“Yes we will, but you watch yourself with those young strapping men Farrier, I mean it” Canfield said, with more of a joking demeanour than anything.

“Yes I know Michael, it’s a celebration for the uniforms.” Farrier said earnestly, slightly irritated at the amount the old ma felt he needed to bring the subject up.

“Indeed it is. Well, come and get me when it’s time to leave, I’ll put my uniform on, will you?” Canfield looked excited to get out.

“I suppose I will so I’m not the odd one out” Farrier smiled. He wasn’t particularly fond of his blazer, he didn’t like the attention from women it gave him, or anyone come to think of it, and they all seemed to want to know the stories behind his medals, which he didn’t feel inclined to share.

The boys had given up on cards, mainly due to Collins’ cards being looked at and the game therefore being ruined. They chattered until they heard three knocks on the door. Dawson looked at Wingnut conveying _Who is that?_ Wingnut shrugged in response.

“Hello?” Dawson said to the knocking.

“Hello boys, you got a moment?” it was Farrier.

“Yes of course!” Dawson replied, he was not expecting Farrier and it had flustered him slightly. He jumped off the bed to open the door.

“Hello Dawson, Timson, Collins. I just wanted to let you all know that I have accepted your invitation, and I have also decided to bring Canfield along with me.” He smiled into the room.

“Great! Well we’re leaving for the train station with the other boys around 5:45, so I suppose we’ll see you both there!” Dawson said,

“Thanks for comin’ Farrier, means a lot that you’re wanting to celebrate with us and that” Wingnut said,

“Of course Timson, I’m glad you all appreciate your uniforms and want to celebrate them” Farrier’s smile was genuine, Collins had a vague dreamy smile on his face which didn’t go away when Farrier made eye contact with him for a brief moment.

“See you later boys.” Farrier said sincerely and closed the door.

Dawson walked back to the bed,

“Cool then!” he said to the others,

“Hey wonder if Canfield’ll get drunk” Wingnut laughed.

“Imagine him lads, I can see it now!” Collins laughed.

“Yeah and Farrier havin’ to fucken help him back to the base!” Dawson chimed in, the three laughed at the thought. A failed card game later the three realised it was almost 5:45, so they all tried their best to fix their hair and then excitedly walked down the stairs to the foyer where a lot of the other initiates were already waiting. They made their way to the door, where the boy who had invited them was standing, they supposed he was the one who organised the whole thing.

“Hiya, we almost ready?” Collins said,

“Hi! Yeah gonna wait to make sure no more stragglers get left behind. I’m Anderson by the way, nice to meet you.” The brunette held his hand out to shake,

“Collins” he replied with a smile. Anderson had striking blue eyes and pale skin, and seemed to have a permanent confident expression on his face.

“This is Dawson and Timson” Collins said, gesturing to his friends,

“Hey boys” replied Anderson as he shook their hands,

“You can call me Wingnut” said Timson, flicking his ears, earning embarrassed chuckles and eye-rolls from Collins and Dawson.

“Yeah, I might stick to Timson mate” Anderson awkwardly laughed at the odd nickname.

“Let’s go guys.” Anderson said a few minutes later, and pushed open the front doors, there was a cheer from the large group behind them and all the boys walked out onto the street. It must have been a sight to behold, no less than 50 or 60 newly recruited RAF pilots, all in their strapping uniforms, confidently walking down the road together. Anderson unbuttoned his blazer, Collins noticed he wasn’t wearing the tie, and the first two buttons were undone on the shirt, revealing a glimpse of dark hair. Anderson had an arrogant streak apparently, but Collins didn’t mind, he seemed alright.

“You boys smoke?” He asked Collins, Timson and Dawson.

“Nah mate” Dawson replied,

“Never smoked before” Wingnut said.

“What about you Collins? Commonplace up there?” Anderson asked,

“Well it’s no more common than down here, and A’ve smoked a few but not somethin’ I enjoy massively” he answered in a friendly way.

“Ah c’mon boys, it’ll make you feel better!” Anderson laughed,

“Fine, fine” Collins said, taking a cigarette from Anderson.

He lit up and puffed, he didn’t dislike smoking, it just didn’t do much for him.

“So this is Charles, and Johnson” Anderson introduced two boys on his other side, Johnson was a lanky pale boy with dark curls and green eyes, he had a vaguely conceited expression, and Charles was a tall boy with blonde hair, golden skin and high cheekbones, it was obvious that he hadn’t followed the haircut protocol, he’d shaved the back and sides but the top was way too long, it fell onto his face.

Johnson smiled quickly at them and Charles gave a short “Hi.” With a small smile afterwards.

“Pass me one mate” Charles held a hand out for a cigarette,

“Yeah I’ll take one” said Johnson.

“Whaddaya think o’ that lot?” Collins murmured to Dawson next to him,

“I mean, they seem okay, maybe a bit standoff-ish but we’ll see” Dawson said, Collins could tell he didn’t like the smoke so he stood a little further from him. The sun was golden as it went down, the air was crisp and Collins’ fingers began to get a little cold, but he didn’t mind, he was surrounded by good people, wearing his uniform and about to have a great night.

Farrier hadn’t seen the three idiots all evening, he’d heard a commotion downstairs and went to see what it was, realised it was the group going out and got Canfield and himself down there to wait. He’d walked at the back of the group talking to Canfield, it felt like he was on some sort of excursion, making sure there were no stragglers, he couldn’t even see the front of the group, not that he was looking for anyone, of course.

“Don’t let me drink too much Canfield.” He said looking forwards,

“Well, only if you do the same for me” Canfield chuckled as he walked along smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, all! As always I'd love to know what you thought :)


	7. An interesting night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone's well this week! The initiates reach their destination for the night and some interesting events ensue.
> 
> Trigger warning(s) listed in end notes.

The group reached Gatwick train station and took up a lot of the platform. Farrier almost felt bad for everyone else who had to board with them, he just hoped that everyone upheld a professional image for the RAF as he had asked.

Slowly heads turned to him and Canfield, the boys realising they were there too. Some seemed pleased, some seemed uptight, he supposed that was a fairly normal response considering the boys most likely imagined this night would be unsupervised.

Farrier spotted Collins putting a cigarette in the bin on the platform, he turned around and Farrier followed his gaze to a group of students. He was with his usual two friends, and also Charles, Johnson and Anderson. Farrier couldn’t believe they’d be talking, those three were so good, and the other three were, well, so _bad_. Collins laughed and patted Anderson on the back. Farrier knew he couldn’t tell Collins who to be friends with, but those boys always sat at the back and talked and Farrier didn’t like the vibe he got from them. The train came and filled the room with steam and smoke, masking the boys from Farrier’s view.

“Why did yae do this?!” Collins yelled at the group around him.

“Why would yae put a steam train in a tunnel?!” the others laughed at both his remark and accent.

“Well I hear there’s talk of diesel trains soon mate” Wingnut said, coughing,

“Better be” Collins said as the steam began to clear. As Collins began to see in front of him again he realised he was looking into the eyes of Anderson. Very blue, but not aqua like his, Anderson’s were icy cold. Anderson’s mouth twitched upwards at Collins and didn’t break eye contact as the boy lazily stepped into the train, Collins looked down, in that moment terrified of being thought of as anything but normal. They boarded and sat together and everyone else followed suit.

“How on earth are we going to keep an eye on them all? They need to act properly!” Farrier began to worry, maybe he should have tried to stop the outing instead of going along, he didn’t want the RAF to be known as a bunch of sloppy drunk boys.

“Don’t worry so much Farrier, every time I see you you’ve got your brow furrowed or you’re fidgeting or your arms are crossed, just relax son!” Canfield patted his knee,

“They’ll be fine, even if they drink, even if they drink a little too much, unless something like, oh I don’t know, a fight, happens, I’d say it’s fairly normal for a group of young boys to be out drinking, in uniform too.” Canfield’s words were always grounding and relieving to hear, but there was still nervousness in the back of Farrier’s mind.

“What about old men like us?” Farrier laughed,

“Definitely, nothing like a couple of elders out with the youngens!” Canfield said, causing a hearty laugh to erupt from Farrier, which Collins heard from his seat quite a few rows behind. He looked over and smiled at the two conversing. He appeared to be the only one who took notice, Wingnut and Dawson were having a conversation, as were Charles and Johnson, Collins assumed Anderson was minding his own business when he leaned right up to Collins, making him slightly hot under the collar.

“I know that look.” He murmured,

Collins looked at him without really facing him, stared at him to let him know that he needed to stop talking.

“Don’t worry.” The brunette said.

“Nothin’ to worry about mate.” Collins replied seriously.

“Just happy that he’s laughin’ instead of bein’ fucken depressed” Collins added, loud enough for the others to hear, Wingnut and Dawson chuckled,

“Got that right mate” Wingnut said, Collins smiled back, glad someone backed him, Anderson sat back and chuckled quiet.

Charles, who, like Johnson hadn’t addressed the three directly yet spoke.

“So how are you three going with things? Easy?”

He had a soft, well pronounced voice, and took time speaking, he looked at each of them in turn.

“Ya, I’m goin’ fine.” Collins said and looked away absently.

“Yeah me too, getting some extra help but I’m good” Wingnut said with his trademark goofy smile,

“And you?” Charles looked at Dawson who absent-mindedly hadn’t answered,

“Yeah I’m going well” he smiled quickly, seemed uncomfortable under Charles’ gaze apparently.

The train eventually pulled up in London Victoria, and the students spilled out of the doors onto the platform. They walked in a big group to the Red Pint.

“We ready boys?” Anderson shouted behind him, earning many yells of happiness. He pushed both doors open at once and led the way in. Bartender Pete’s face behind the bar went from beaming as the first ten or so walked in, to shock as the other forty or so did. Then he saw Farrier walking in at the very back next to Canfield, he made eye contact and gave Farrier a look of _not impressed_ to which Farrier put his hands up in defence and gave an apologetic smile. Farrier walked up to the bar,

“Hi Pete, you remember Canfield?” he said,

“Of course I do, nice to see you again fellow!” Pete said to Canfield.

“Likewise, Peter” Canfield smiled warmly and shook his hand.

Collins followed the group to a table and sat between Wingnut and Anderson.

“Been here often boys?” Johnson asked,

“Once yae.” Collins said, he’d been told it was the place to go if you wanted atmosphere so he had. It had been full of middle aged people sitting and talking, and there was soft music playing, but he supposed that was because he went on a Tuesday, Collins was not used to anything past the small pub in Aviemore which was like that every night of the week anyway.

“A few times yeah” Dawson answered,

“Yeah same” Timson said,

“Yeah we come here quite a lot come to think of it” Johnson said, turning to Charles,

“Yeah, it’s nice here.” He wore a small smile.

“Now, why have you brought a couple thousand of you in here?” Pete asked, only half joking.

“Come on, about fifty. And they brought me in more than I did them, their uniforms arrived today and they all wanted to go out, and we thought we ought to supervise.” Farrier smiled at Canfield.

“We also came to show them how to really enjoy themselves, god bless them.” Canfield laughed, the two men sat at the bar and ordered some drinks.

As the night went on, Dawson, Timson and Collins warmed to the three other boys. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe not, but Collins had already had perhaps five shots, the whiskey was too good not to. The new friends were a bit smug but Collins found it different in a good way to the open kindness of his friends.

After a few rounds of drinks, Collins decided it was time for a dance.

“Anyone here dance?” he asked,

“Nope” Wingnut laughed, nobody seemed to want to,

“Aight lads, guess I’ll show yah how it’s done then” Collins swaggered off.

Farrier noticed Collins get up, he wasn’t wobbly, but he definitely had a more confident walk.

“I think I need another drink if I’m gonna watch this” Dawson said and walked over to the bar.

“Oh, that’s young Dawson coming to say hello” Canfield tapped Farrier on the shoulder,

“Oh, so it is.” Farrier said as he noticed the blonde walk towards him, interrupting his Collins-watching.

“Hello Farrier, Canfield” Dawson smiled,

“Hello Dawson” Farrier smiled, Canfield smiled and then raised his eyebrows at something behind Dawson, causing the younger boy to turn, it was Collins. He was dancing, and he was very good. He was swing dancing, and so smoothly anyone would think he had taken lessons. Collins was lost in the music, he let his subconscious do the moving. He was vaguely aware that quite a few of the men were watching, a sly smile crept onto his face at the thought. Collins looked up from his footwork arbitrarily to the bar area and happened to be be where Farrier was stood, eliciting a brief butterfly in his stomach. The blonde smiled and bit his lip in delight as he continued to dance.

“Look at him go!” Canfield laughed,

“Didn’t know he had _that_ in him” Dawson said to the two older men,

“Neither” Farrier chuckled and shook his head. A circle had cleared around Collins. Farrier took another sip of his drink and continued to watch, this was an opportunity in which it was okay to look at him, and he wasn’t going to pass this up.

“Well, lad’s got style!” Pete said from behind the bar,

“Indeed he does Petey. Think I might need another drink though, still not feeling anything.” Farrier finished his glass and slid it across the bar counter.

“That’s your sixth!” Pete laughed,

“Annoying isn’t it? And you wonder why I don’t get drunk much, I don’t get paid enough for that!” he laughed, earning a friendly whack on the shoulder from Canfield who knew exactly how much Farrier got paid. Wingnut couldn’t do anything but stare, he was too elated to laugh even. Charles was leaning on a wall talking to a waitress but he was watching Collins, Johnson was in the circle watching Collins, egging him on, it was just Timson and Anderson sitting at the table still.

Collins began to unbutton his blazer, he handed it to Johnson with a smile, who laughed and threw it back to their table. Farrier couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Collins take his blazer off. It was too good to be true, and he was _allowed_ to watch it happen, though part of him wished he had more respect for that blazer than to give it to the likes of Johnson, who threw it at the table. Collins was lean, Farrier’s eyes went down to where Collins’ shirt was tucked into his pants, showing off his thin waist, Farrier then realised he was going a bit far. He took a large gulp of his seventh drink and finally began to feel a bit tingly.

“Well I came over here for a drink and I’ve got it now, so I’m going to sit back down” Dawson smiled with a glass in his hand.

“Yes, good lad” Canfield said, but he was watching Collins still. Farrier raised his glass in Dawson’s direction to acknowledge him but didn’t look his way. As Dawson sat down Wingnut grabbed him

“Fucken legend, isn’t he?!” he laughed,

“Yeah he’s the life of the party!” Dawson smiled. The song began to wind down and so did Collins. His shuffling got slower and his tiredness began to show. At the close of the song he did a dramatic twirl and finished his dance. The room erupted. He walked off into the crowd and to the table, panting.

“Well, that was very impressive Collins” said Anderson with a smile, Collins could only smile in thanks as he continued to breathe heavily, he rested his hands on the table and put his weight on them.

“More than impressive mate, the whole group was watching!” Dawson said,

“Thanks guys, just doin’ what I like” Collins puffed.

“I need a drink or three” he added. Someone else had already taken up residence on the dancefloor, people were watching him too, which made Collins feel a little less self-conscious, knowing the group watched anyone who could dance.

Collins walked over to the bar, smiling at Farrier and Canfield, who he knew were watching.

“Well done lad! Having a good time?” Canfield said,

“Ya, it’s a very good night” He had a very sweet smile, slightly lopsided, thought Farrier as Collins spoke to Canfield.

“Hiya, can I have another glass o’ scotch whiskey please?”

“Sure, on the house after that show, I’m making enough tonight with all you lot here!” Pete handed Collins a full glass of whiskey,

“Wow, thank you very much mister!” Collins smiled and took it,

“No worries son” Pete chuckled. Farrier was leaning against the bar with his back and had his elbows on the counter behind him, as Collins walked past his arm brushed Farrier’s torso. Farrier barely felt it under his thick blazer, but it made his stomach drop. He hoped it was the alcohol that was enhancing his emotions, and not genuine feeling. When Collins got back to the table, Wingnut had gotten up, leaving only Anderson sitting.

“They all dancin’?” Collins asked Anderson,

“Well,” he sat up slightly, pushing Collins’ blazer towards him which had been sitting on the table,

“Charles has found himself a lovely little lass,” he motioned his head towards the back wall of the bar, where Collins saw Charles’ figure pushing a woman against the wall, kissing her and holding her hips with his arms.

“Johnson is dancing, yes” Collins turned to see a mess of curls bobbing in the crowd.

“I believe your two friends are dancing also.” Collins thought he could see Dawson, maybe Wingnut.

“Ah, dunnae matter much, just wonderin’” said Collins with a smile.

Anderson watched Collins slip his blazer back on, he didn’t take his eyes off Collins’ who didn’t make much of an effort to hold eye contact, he was still somewhat tired from dancing so energetically. He drank half of his glass straight away,

“Jesus, this is good stuff” he looked at his glass,

“What did you expect?” Anderson smiled,

“Piss weak English alcohol” Collins smirked. Anderson wasn’t bad looking, his pale skin was as alluring as his cold eyes. Collins felt slightly tingly as he finished his glass, glad that sculling it like that had an effect.

“Let’s get some air, yeah?” said Anderson,

“Yeah sure” Collins smiled, putting his glass down.

Farrier watched as Collins drank.

“He just drank that entire glass in about ten seconds!” he laughed turning to Canfield.

“Of course he did! Probably doesn’t even feel a thing!” Pete said. They both laughed. Canfield leaned in close to Farrier,

“I can see what you feel Tom.”

Farrier looked up at Canfield hopelessly,

“I can’t control my feelings, only my actions.” He murmured.

“I know but keep them controlled is all I’m saying.” Canfield said.

“I know, Michael, I know. Stop telling me that.” Farrier stared at the ground. Canfield sighed,

“I’m sorry, but I can tell you really fancy this one.” Farrier’s stomach flipped once again. He turned his body to face Canfield,

“Yeah, I do Michael, I really do. Now, imagine never being able to do anything about it, it feels fucking terrible. When will it be that you stop talking about this? It’s because of you and your incessant mentioning of my sexuality that I can never bury what I am.” Farrier stared at Canfield for a second before looking to see where the barman had gone.

“Petey, can I have a glass?” Farrier said to him at the other end of the bar.

“Of what mate?” Pete laughed,

“Something strong.”

“Same as that young scot had then, mate” Pete said,

“Thank you” he said, briefly smiling at Pete.

“Do not come looking for me, Wing Commander.” Farrier said as he walked off with his drink. He heard Canfield sigh as he walked off. He looked at the table Collins had been at, and saw it, along with Collins’ glass, empty.

 

Collins followed Anderson out to the back of the bar. They were in an alleyway.

“So, Mr. Collins, how is it you’re such a good dancer then?” Anderson asked, Collins had the feeling this was a loaded question.

“What d’ya mean? I just practice mate, grab moves from others I see ‘n make mae own thing” Collins smiled and rubbed the back of his neck.

Anderson hummed,

“No ladies to practice with?” He smirked and stepped closer, Collins thought before answering,

“Not at the moment, no.” Collins said, hostility spiking in his voice.

Collins was beginning to worry he’d put himself in a dangerous situation.

“I’m sure they come flocking!” Anderson laughed, pulling out his cigarette pack.

“Ah I wish” Collins chuckled uncomfortably.

“Doesn't matter. Want one?” the brunette offered him a cigarette which he took more because he didn’t want to annoy the man.

“Timson, where’s Collins and Anderson?” Farrier grabbed the arm of a dancing and very drunk Timson,

“Uh, over there” he pointed at the table,

“Oh” he said as he realised the table was empty. He thought for a few moment and then a look of realisation appeared.

“I think they went out the back! Yeah I remember now” he smiled.

“Thank you” Farrier said. He didn’t know what he was going to do, maybe just act like he was going out to have a smoke or something, which if he was being honest he needed right now. He didn’t like the fact that Anderson was alone with Collins.

 

“So, you’re homosexual?” Anderson said. Collins almost choked on the smoke, he spluttered.

“No, course not! Were we no’ just talking about ladies?” he said quickly. Anderson didn’t answer, just kept smoking.

If he wasn’t worried before, Collins was worried now.

“We were, but you act differently around your superior” Anderson smirked and Collins knew who he meant.

“Don’t know what yae mean, mate.” Collins said taking a long draw on the cigarette.

Farrier shouldn’t have been worrying so much but he couldn’t help it. He made the decision to go out the back, just pretend he was going to smoke a cigarette or something, he needed to make sure nothing sinister was going on with the likes of Anderson, who he didn’t trust at all. He supposed he was worried because Collins just looked too pure, Farrier somewhat doubted he'd been in a fight before, if he'd know what to do. Coming from a small town Collins was probably too trusting anyway, Farrier thought.

The man opened the door to a scene which was much less dramatic than he imagined.

Collins and Anderson were having a smoke together against the wall a way down the alley. They didn’t even notice him so he headed back inside.

“Well, I’m done smoking. I’m going inside.” Collins said, stepping on the cigarette to put it out.

“Me too.” Anderson said, doing the same. Before they reached the door Collins felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hope you’re not lying Collins, it’s disrespectful to lie.” Anderson still held that confident smirk.

“I’m not, and it’s disrespectful to ask if a man’s homosexual, ya know.” Collins answered before letting himself back into the pub.

He put on a brave voice, but Collins was genuinely scared now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): homophobia 
> 
> As always, thank you for reading :) Collins finally got a reality check, I think he had it coming with all the blatant staring. Next chapter will be up in 7 days (next Monday) to find out how the night resolves itself.


	8. Not healed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've been waiting for a happy chapter, you're going to hate me after this, I'm sorry.
> 
> Some pretty heavy feels in this one.
> 
> Trigger warning(s) listed in end notes.

“Canfield?” Farrier’s voice cracked a bit so he cleared his throat,

“Yes?” Canfield said, turning to Farrier.

“I’m sorry for going off at you earlier. I needed to clear my head, and you’re right, as always, so I apologise.” Farrier smiled apologetically.

“Ahh!” Canfield held his arms out, the two men embraced.

“It’s understandable, but thank you for apologising.” Canfield said. Farrier had a nervous fluttering feeling in his gut, he got it every time he went off at Canfield, but every time he came back to him in the end anyway. Sometimes he hated his inability to stay angry at the old man, other times Farrier saw it as a good trait, like when a family fought and made up, and Canfield was the closest thing Farrier had to a father figure. He pushed the thought from his head.

“I need another drink, but I think we should begin to wrap up soon, don’t you?” Farrier said,

“Yes, we do have to teach these bastards tomorrow!” Canfield laughed.

“Petey? I’ll have another of that whiskey.” Farrier beckoned his friend over.

“Coming right up mate. Gee, you and that Scot could drink your weight in alcohol and still be saying ‘I’m not even tipsy yet!’” Pete mocked a common saying of Farrier’s using the man’s voice and demeanour. Canfield heartily laughed at this remark, Farrier chuckled as he was handed his glass.

Anderson sat down at their table, where Charles and the woman he was kissing earlier were now, along with Johnson and Wingnut and Dawson.

“Uh, hey boys, where the fuck did you go?” Dawson joked,

“Ah we just went for a smoke” Collins smiled, Dawson seemed needlessly suspicious of the answer, Collins ignored it.

“Farrier was looking for you” Wingnut made eye contact with Collins as he said it,

“Oh, why?” Collins asked, not pleased that Farrier had been brought up after the altercation outside.

“Dunno, I said you were outside but I don’t know if he went and got you.” Timson answered, fixing his blazer sleeve.

“Well I didn’t see him, maybe I’ll go ask him now. I need another drink anyway.” Collins began to walk off.

“How much do you fucking drink?” A clearly drunk Johnson yelled after him, Collins laughed as he kept walking.

Farrier spotted Collins laughing over his shoulder walking towards the bar, he must have physically stiffened because Canfield leant in and murmured,

“He’s just another student, Farrier”.

“Yeah yeah” Farrier said absent-mindedly, thoughts yet again tinged with annoyance.

“Hiya!” Collins said happily, all Farrier could do was smile slightly, he couldn’t focus his eyes on Collins and they remained focused on some unspecified space behind him, his mind was beginning to take him back to places he didn't want to go. Collins immediately worried Farrier had heard or somehow knew by his detached demeanour, but that was silly.

“Could I please get another scotch whiskey?” Collins leaned over the counter,

“Sure can, does everyone from up there drink so heavily?” Pete laughed,

“Only the best of us” Collins laughed. He said a polite “thanks” as his drink was handed to him, he sipped it, glanced at Farrier and Canfield with a smile, which was returned by Canfield, but Collins was surprised to see Farrier looking, disappointed? Sad? He began to walk off but turned when he remembered why he’d come over,

“Oh Farrier?” Collins turned,

“Yes?” Farrier was shaken from his daze and answered nervously,

“Wingnut said you were lookin’ for me” Collins said,

“Who?” Farrier pursed his lips.

 _Shit_ Collins thought,

“Ah, Timson, sorry”

“Oh, yes I was but it wasn’t important, no matter Collins” Farrier smiled, but it was empty of emotion.

“Aight, just checkin’” Collins answered as he turned around and walked back to the table.

“You went looking for him?” Canfield asked, Farrier sighed.

“Look. You know that boy Anderson and his two friends Charles and Johnson?” Farrier asked,

“Yes, they sit at the back and talk all through my lectures, sometimes they make paper planes from the worksheets.” Canfield said with a tinge of amusement in his voice,

“Well tonight Collins, Timson and Dawson are sitting with them, and I don’t trust those three boys one bit, not with Collins and Dawson, two of the brightest students and Timson, one very eager to learn student. I didn’t want something sinister to happen.” Farrier said.

“They’re kids Farrier, what’s going to happen?” Canfield smiled,

“They’re not kids Canfield, they’re all in their twenties! Plus, I’ve had to intervene twice in the past because that group keep ganging up on other men, they almost started a fight in the locker room once.” Farrier said.

“I’m allowed to be protective of my best students.” he added defensively,

“Yes of course, especially when there might be a fight, but don’t show favouritism outwardly to them, okay?” Canfield said,

“Yes, I know. I just don’t like those three.”

“Neither do I, but we have to teach them. They applied because they want to be part of this, why else would they have gone through all that training to get here?” Canfield said,

“Yeah I know, I know” Farrier said.

“Should we go?” Farrier asked after a few beats of silence maybe a change of scenery would help the fact that he was getting distracted by memories,

“I think so.” Canfield answered.

“How do we get their attention?” Canfield asked,

“I have no clue.” Farrier said resignedly.

“OI YOU LOT!” Pete, who’d been listening in yelled, and then laughed.

“Thanks for the effort Petey” Farrier laughed, it seemed to partially work.

“LISTEN ALL YOU BASTARDS!” He yelled again, causing a laugh from both Farrier and Canfield. The room was mostly silent.

“Right lads! We’re off, I doubt any of you have looked at a watch all night, so it may surprise you to know that it’s a little past midnight!” Farrier yelled, causing laughter from some.

“So we need to go, else we’ll miss the train.” He added, with some more laughter in response.

“Come on, I wasn’t joking!” He added, and began to get some notes out of his pocket, he handed them to Pete,

“There’s a bit extra there mate for your trouble, sorry for not warning you we were coming, I didn’t have any warning myself.” He smiled warmly

“Oh mate, you’re an angel” Petey laughed and shook Farrier’s hand over the counter.

“It was lovely to see you again Peter!” Canfield smiled,

“Likewise Wing Commander, hopefully I’ll see you again soon!” Pete shook Canfield’s hand too.

“Right, shall we wait at the door?’ Farrier said,

“Yeah.” Canfield answered.

“Night, mate” Farrier waved back to Peter, who held a hand up and smiled.

As Collins and his friends walked past Canfield and Farrier, Collins smiled at Farrier quickly, Farrier tried so hard not to smile back but the ghost of one made its way onto his face. He still wasn’t too happy about his friendship choices for the night but Collins was just so pure it was hard not to be happy when he saw him. He reminded himself it wasn’t a big deal who Collins chose to hang about with, Farrier supposed if he did end up being friends with Anderson then he wouldn’t be the target of his bullying.

“Well, I think we managed to get them all on the train!” Canfield said,

“Yeah I don’t think we missed any, there’s one more train next hour if they missed this one anyway.” Farrier said, rubbing the back of his head.

It was about halfway through the trip that his sadness really began to set in. Sometimes it was like this, in life after the war. Sometimes he just couldn’t stop seeing things behind his eyelids, things he wished he’d never have to see again. This time he couldn’t even place what had started the train of thought but here he was.

Collins began to sober up a little, he looked up to see Farrier leaned against the window looking blank. Canfield was talking to him, but he wasn’t answering. By the time the train had pulled up in Gatwick, Collins was almost sober.

“How ya feeling?” Wingnut asked,

“Ya nearly normal” Collins answered.

“You?”

“I’m fucked guys.” Wingnut said as he stumbled out of the train carriage. Collins laughed with Dawson at this.

“Yeah I’m a bit drunk but not too bad” Dawson added. They all went up to bed fairly quickly, Collins was tired and didn’t want to be wrecked for tomorrow’s lessons.

Farrier trudged up the stairs behind the students, all who weren’t boarders which was most, had gone their own ways to their homes, still he had made sure nobody was left outside the doors. Everyone was already in their rooms by the time he reached his. He walked in and kicked his bed hard deliberately. His sadness had turned into frustration. He growled and flumped onto his bed.

Collins heard a loud bang followed by a growl come from the wall separating his and Farrier’s room. He was set slightly on edge, but tried to think nothing of it. Collins lay in bed sobering up, he wished he’d said no to going outside for that smoke. Now he was in a vulnerable position, and Anderson was in his classes. The blonde resolved to talk to Anderson tomorrow and ask to put that night behind them.

 

Farrier sat on his bed, he wasn’t sure if he was angry or sad, probably both. He took off his blazer and threw it on the floor, the rest of his clothing followed suit.

He looked absent-mindedly down at his left forearm, he slowly turned the inside of it upwards, and studied the now white stripes across his skin that he’d made himself many years ago. Such a distant memory, yet so close at the same time. He couldn't believe he'd done them to himself, but then again, he could still see the fresh blood dripping from his arm if he closed his eyes. Looking at the scars somehow sated the feeling of needing to create destruction. Ridiculous, and yet the thought of actually _doing_ something stayed at the back of his head. Farrier knew he wasn’t healed, he wasn’t sure if he ever would be either. He needed to drink more, the man decided. He opened a drawer on his bedside table and took out a half empty over proofed bottle of rum. He drank straight from the bottle, didn’t care how much he winced as he drank the liquid, it burned his throat but he kept gulping, forced himself to. He stopped when there was one quartre left. His head began to spin, he stood up to make it take effect even faster. The man steadied himself on his dressing table which was against the wall separating his and Collins’ room. He was beginning to feel drunk now, at least more than he did while they were out. His thoughts began to get a little less logical. Should he speak to Collins? No. Should he hit something? Kick something? He didn’t know what to do but he felt like he had to do _something_ or he’d explode, at least the alcohol had worsened his memory and he could no longer see fire behind his eyes. Farrier recalled now, this was the other reason he didn't drink aside from it being too expensive to get drunk, it didn't make him forget, it made him  _remember._ He put his trousers and a big jumper on, struggled to lace his boots up and then opened his door, slamming it behind him.

 

Collins jumped in his bed, Farrier’s door slammed and he heard footsteps walk past his door in the direction of the stairs. Farrier walked as quickly as he felt he was able without stumbling. Collins very slowly, very quietly opened his door and peeped down the hall. Farrier was walking, albeit slightly off-balanced, down to the staircase. Collins thought to call out, but something stopped him. He closed his door again but had a nervous feeling in his gut. Farrier seemed out of it, ever since he'd gotten that last drink at the bar he could tell there was something going on.

Farrier didn’t really know what he was doing. He had to get some air, so he was going to his peaceful place. He walked out into the airfield and walked behind the hangars so he couldn’t be seen from any windows from the buildings. He got out to the last shed and collapsed against the wall. He looked out into the empty field, the darkness, the stars in the sky.

Then Farrier really began to overthink about the war, something he tried very hard to supress when sober. He was a failure in his mind, his country needed him and he was laying helpless in a hospital bed, and just when he was getting really good at flying the Sopwith. Then the visions came on hard. His plane bursting into flames around him. Looking down and seeing metal from the engine sticking out of his own body, but feeling nothing. Farrier began to feel the familiar feeling well up inside him, and he didn’t supress his tears when they came, he knew nobody could hear him. His breathing was deep and staggered, he wiped his face on his jumper sleeve and rested his head in his hands. He damned whoever decided no pilots should have parachutes in the war, damned whoever decided the canvas stretched over the plane’s body should be doused in highly flammable liquid to tighten it. Farrier knew he was lucky, to be that close to both a camp of men  _and_ a safe place to ditch, it must be fate, he told himself. At a stronger time this might have empowered him to clean up his act, but right now the thought did nothing. His mind flashed to the river, or was it a lake? Whatever he had to ditch in. Jumping out at the last minute, the metal still inside him being jerked sideways while still attached to him. Struggling, swimming, seeing his blood being swept along with the current, and the plane wreck disappearing under. The shock on the men’s faces when he reached the camp, the hurried French as they all crowded around to help. Looking behind him and seeing he’d literally left a trail of blood.

Then it all got a bit fuzzy, thank god. Farrier’s emotions were out of hand and he couldn’t do anything about it because he was drunk, he was helpless. He was disappointed in himself, he was crying over things that had not been his fault, and that had happened years ago. He was ashamed of this and yet, the tears didn’t stop. Farrier sniffed, the man never let his emotions out so when they did escape, it was strong, uncontrollable. His emotions refused to stop flowing until he was empty and numb once more. Farrier was pulling clumps of grass out, he found a rock and threw it. He hated the war. He hated that he was out of action for part of it, that nothing he would do from now on could change that. He hated that he couldn't forget it.

 

Collins looked out his window, he couldn’t see anything. He desperately wanted to know where Farrier had gone because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, even to himself, there was something there. Something he couldn’t shake. He almost felt like there was an unspoken acknowledgement with Farrier, but then again, how could he be sure what Farrier felt?

The brunette’s body began to stop shuddering, he breathed deeply and tried desperately to stop being so emotional. It was unlike him, it was the alcohol, he told himself, this was childish at best. He stood up, holding a hand against the shed to support himself. He was numb inside, he couldn’t feel anything except the puffiness of his eyes and the cool breeze on his skin. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and began to realise how cold his fingers were. He staggered back behind the hangars and through the locker room. He could feel heat in his cheeks from his outburst. He went upstairs, tried to be quiet.

 

Collins heard footsteps coming up the stairs about twenty minutes after he heard them go down. He was so conflicted, why was it his business what Farrier was doing? But then again, what if he just walked out and said he was going to the bathroom and _coincidentally_ saw him? Collins decided to, he had nothing to lose, he wasn’t sure if this was a bad decision because of the alcohol or a bad decision because of his habit of bad decision making, but he _was_ sure it wasn’t a good idea at all. He opened his door as Farrier was walking past, he turned and looked Collins dead in the eyes. Collins heart panged,

“Farrier…” he began, but Farrier walked to his room, Collins saw him sniff as he opened it and disappeared inside. Collins felt weak, anyone knew those tell-tale signs, Farrier had been crying. Collins went downstairs to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. He was worried. He couldn’t impede on Farrier, who knew what was going on, perhaps something personal. Nothing wrong with checking, he arrived at the drunk conclusion of. Collins walked back upstairs, he stood at Farrier’s door.

“Farrier?” he said quietly through the wood,

“Go away Collins.” Was the response he got, from a slightly blocked sounding voice. He couldn’t argue with it, he walked slowly back to his room and closed the door. There was nothing Collins could do, he wasn’t sure if he would tell his friends tomorrow, or ever. Perhaps he’d ask if everything was okay at tutoring. He fell into a light sleep at long last.

 

Farrier kicked off his shoes, removed his pants and jumper, there was nothing else to do but sleep, plus he was embarrassed that Collins had seen him at his weakest. He wouldn’t do anything destructive, he couldn’t, that was the old Farrier he told himself. If Canfield found out he’d done it again he’d never hear the end of it, either. He scratched at his scars with his nails, he irritated them but at least the small stinging sensation was _something_. He didn’t want anyone to see them, he was self-conscious of them as it was, he didn’t even want to look at the mess of scar tissue on his torso from the long-gone injury that plagued his thoughts, it made him feel sick to think that was what he looked like. Farrier knew one thing, as much as he put on a brave face for the students, and for Canfield at times, he was not healed.

The man fell asleep from exhaustion and intoxication.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): PTSD, implied/referenced self harm, injury detail/gore
> 
> Yeah, idk what to say about this one except it broke my heart to write.  
> I'm sorry if I upset anyone (which undoubtedly I did), the story gets happier I promise.  
> Also don't worry, I go into more detail about Farrier's family situation later in the story. 
> 
> On a lighter note, you've no idea how happy everyone's comments and kudos make me, to actually know that people are enjoying my work is so amazing. Let me know what you thought of this one, I'll see you all same time next week. 
> 
> Also, if anyone's interested, my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com and it's heavily Dunkirk, with some Marvel and other stuff thrown in. If you wanna chat with me over there, feel free!


	9. Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry to leave last chapter on a bit of a down note, this one's happier.

The morning came, Farrier woke to a bad taste in his mouth and a rotten feeling in his gut. No sign of a headache at least, but more symptoms than he had expected from what he did last night. He got ready slowly and carefully, watching each button as he did it up. The weather was warming up, but this year more than any other he didn’t want the new students to see his arm. He couldn’t let Collins see it. He wore the long sleeve blue button up though he wished he could be confident enough to put on the short sleeve beige summer uniform. Not today, Farrier thought. Maybe when it was unbearably hot, but not today.

 

Collins woke up suddenly, he’d momentarily forgotten what he saw last night, he was excited to wear his uniform for classes. Though all he wanted to do was wear the classic blue, he picked out the summer uniform, beige pants and top. The pamphlet he’d flicked through when training started said not to mix the uniforms. He was about to walk out of his room when last night’s thoughts caught up with him. How could he face Farrier after last night? Should he pretend it didn’t happen? These were the thoughts going through Collins’ head as he exited his bedroom. Luckily he didn’t bump into the man in the hallway. He knocked on Dawson’s door softly, who opened it. Dawson was also wearing the summer uniform.  
‘Hey, looking good!” He said,

“Aye thanks” Collins smiled.

 “A bit warm today.” Collins remarked as they walked down the hall and knocked on Timson’s door.

“Nearly done hang on!” he said, the two blondes chuckled. Wingnut opened the door wearing the winter long woollen pants with the summer beige top. Dawson and Collins exchanged looks of, _of course he did._

“What?” Timson smiled,

“You don’t mix the summer ‘n winter uniforms ya eejit!” Collins laughed, causing Wingnut to become slightly red in the face.

“What did you call him?” Dawson turned to Collins with an amused smile,

“Eejit?”

“yeah”

“Never heard that?” Collins was genuinely surprised.

“No mate!” Wingnut yelled in laughter as he changed in his room behind the closed door. He came out of the door for a second time in the full summer apparel. They ate breakfast in the dining room as usual, it was scrambled eggs and toast today, not any of their favourites, plus the eggs were slightly undercooked. Collins noted that Farrier wasn’t present and had decided he shouldn’t tell the others about what he saw last night. After brushing their teeth together in the communal bathrooms and going upstairs to hang out until high afternoon, they wandered to their first class. Collins was still not used to having Saturday classes.

“Afternoon lads” Canfield greeted them warmly as they entered,

“Hiya Canfield” Collins smiled,

“Hello Canfield” Dawson replied

“Hey” Wingnut added. The three took their usual seats somewhere in the middle of the classroom. Then Collins saw Anderson walk in. His resolve to speak to him was gone, he stiffened up and became nervous again. Then Anderson gestured to him to stand up anyway.

“Look mate, I’m sorry alright? I was drunk. Take back what I said okay?” Anderson stated.

“It’s fine, no worries.” Collins said, relieved. He went to sit back down and was given a quizzical look from the two alongside him.

“We had a bet on if I was hungover, I’m not” Collins said, there was no such bet.

“But I’d uh, prefer if we didn’t hang out with those three too much” Collins added,

“I am so glad you said that mate” Dawson breathed,

“Yeah I think we’re two different to them for it to really work” Wingnut said.

“Alright class, everybody seated please” Canfield said loudly.

“Now, let’s begin. I hope you’re all feeling well after your big night out last night” this earned a few awkward laughs, Canfield chuckled at this.

“Well I’m feeling just fine, so we will continue.”

It was aerodynamics class, something Collins wasn’t particularly interested in, especially since the more experienced groups were flying planes just outside the window. Canfield must have seen Collins looking,

“You won’t get out there unless you complete this first, Collins.” He said with a smile, Collins straightened his gaze to the blackboard upon being caught out.

“Who wishes they were in a plane right now?” Canfield asked,

Every hand in the room was raised.

“Well I’ll let you know this, next week you’ll begin physical training, which is the next step to being in one of them” Canfield said excitedly,

“We’ve all been in planes in our civil flight training, why do we need so much preparation to go up again?” someone asked,

“Because, these aircraft are much more powerful than any you’ve flown in. It requires a great deal of skill and knowledge to be able to fly one properly. Plus, when you did flying in your beginner training the planes were all prepared ready for you, you just got in and went. Here, you learn to care for, and start and turn off your aircraft yourself. Now, I do need to get on with the lesson lads.”

Eventually the bell sounded, and everyone piled out of class.

“I can’t wait to fly again” Dawson said as the trio left,

“You an’ me both” Collins agreed,

“Yeah, feels like I’ve half forgotten how to” Wingnut joked. As they were walking away from the classroom a tired looking Farrier walked past them in the other direction.

“Drank too much?” Timson laughed,

“S’pose he did” Dawson smiled. Collins tried to laugh along but he knew this tiredness was linked to what he saw of Farrier the previous night. At lunch the trio took their food from the sandwich store back to the base and sat out the back of the building watching the planes fly above them.

After lunch there was engineering class with Farrier.

“Right boys everybody settle down please.” He said when everyone was in the room. His arms were folded tightly over his impossibly broad chest. Collins could already tell that Farrier was in a bad mood.

“Today I will begin teaching you about the specific models of planes we have here at Gatwick. You’ve probably flown in Tiger Moths, Avro Tutors, maybe the Hawker Hart.” He smiled as if to mock the beginner planes, it was anything but a happy smile.

“Here we have a few different planes, we have Miles Magisters, affectionately known as ‘maggies’” he said.

“We also have Airspeed Oxfords, and we also have the lovely North American Harvard planes. Now all these machines are more complicated and powerful than what you’ve flown in, so pay attention to what I teach you in these rooms or you won’t have a clue what to do when we let you out there.” He gestured to the window. Farrier didn’t make eye contact with Collins all lesson and this annoyed the blonde, he could tell it was deliberate.

Farrier spent the next few days trying to avoid Collins as much as he could, maybe if he refused to allow himself to even look at Collins, he’d lose interest, because it was becoming a big problem. But then Wednesday came around, the day Collins had the tutoring lessons he didn’t need.

Collins was more nervous about this tutoring lesson that he usually was. He didn’t know what he’d done wrong, but it was something with the way Farrier had been acting. Ever since he’d seen the man come sulking up the hall on uniform night something had changed. Collins made his way into Farrier’s office, where they would meet if the last class wasn’t with Farrier. Collins’ stomach churned when he saw the man.

Collins entered quietly, not that he surprised Farrier with the entrance. Collins said nothing.

“Right Collins, let’s go” Farrier said tersely. Collins nodded and followed Farrier into an empty classroom. No smiles from him today.

“Let’s begin. Any questions from today’s lesson? I had a few students approach me afterwards about the engine heating?” Farrier said,

“No, all that was fine wi’ me” Collins said without a smile.

“Okay, is there any other work I can help you with?”

Come to think of it, there wasn’t anything Collins had struggled with or been curious about since last session. His foot began to tap under the desk as he frantically tried to think of a reason to stay.

“Seems like you’re all fine this week? We can skip tutoring today if you’d like.” Farrier said.

“I have questions…” Collins began, Farrier lifted an eyebrow,

“But they’re not about the work.” Collins finished, Farrier leaned back in the chair with a guarded smile,

“Well I’m not answering them, then Collins. I’m your professor, I’m not your Wednesday afternoon friend.” He said with cold blue eyes. Collins swallowed and looked down at the desk.

“Sorry Farrier” He said quietly. Farrier exhaled through his mouth.

“I dunno what I did, but I can tell it was somethin’ yae dinnae like” Collins said sadly.

“I’ll stop wasting your time, I just wanted ya to know I’m sorry for whatever it was that pissed ya off” Collins began to stand.

“Wait” Farrier said, Collins at him with a glimmer of optimism.

“You didn’t do anything Collins, I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.” Farrier admitted as the blonde sat back down.

“On the night everyone went out to Red’s, I noticed that you had disappeared. That night felt more like an excursion than a celebration because I had to keep track of all of you.”

Collins knew where this was going, so he had seen them after all. But it didn’t look suspicious, so why did it matter?

“Anyway, I went looking for you Collins, and I found you.” Farrier continued.

“I can’t tell you who to associate with, but Anderson isn’t really a good person Collins. Can’t you tell from how he conducts himself?”

“Oh, let me explain.” Collins began,

“You’re not in trouble Collins”

“Then why were you actin’ like I was?” the blonde interrupted.

Farrier was cornered.

“You seein’ me with Anderson at the pub can’t be the explanation for you trying your best to ignore me all week, Farrier.” Collins said.

“Honestly Collins, I’m actually really bad at expressing myself, okay? I think you’ve all realised that by now. I’m not angry at you.” He said.

“Well that’s a relief.” Collins exhaled.

“Thought I was gonna get kicked out or somethin’” he almost laughed.

“Of course not. Why would I kick you out?” Farrier asked,

“Ah no reason. Just my mind goin crazy.” Collins answered. In the time they’d chatted Collins compiled a short list of meaningless questions about the weeks work to ask Farrier in a desperate attempt to continue the tutoring.

Eventually Farrier decided the questions were indeed meaningless and they cut the session short. It was probably the most useless tutoring session in history in Collins’ opinion, he didn’t need to learn a single thing more but had sat there for the company. At least he appeared to have cheered Farrier up in the time he was there.

“But I am sorry for treating you the way I have been this week. It’s just…” Farrier didn’t know how to word this. But he knew his explanation had been pretty poor.

“I feel that we’re getting too close, you and I.” he finally said. Collins’ wasn’t sure if he was currently breathing, all he could do was stare at Farrier and hope the heat in his cheeks wasn’t visible.

“I just mean, I’m not supposed to have favourites, or I’m not meant to show it.” The man held a small smile at the rosy cheeks on the pale man before him.

“Ah. S’pose Canfield told yae that?” Collins asked.

“Yes, apparently it was noticeable.” Farrier replied, glad he’d found some sort of way out of this without admitting feelings, though he was fairly certain Collins had some sort of idea what was going on anyway.

The session drew to a close and Collins decided to go and talk with his friends to relax his mind. He knocked on Dawson’s door,

“Yeah, come in” he yelled and Collins answered,

“Hiya Dawson” he smiled,

“Hey, finished early today”

“Ya I didn’t have many questions this week I guess”

“Well, Wingnut is down in his room I think if you wanna hang out with him too.” Dawson said,

“Ah, mind if I bring him up here?” Collins asked,

“No by all means, I was just too lazy to do it myself” Dawson laughed, Collins walked to the staircase.

“Can you ask him to bring the cards?” Dawson yelled down the hall,

Collin turned around to the noise but didn’t answer, mentally noting to get the cards. When he turned back around he nearly walked into Farrier who was walking up the stairs reading a piece of paper.

“Oh, sorry” Farrier said, taking a step back down to put reasonable distance between them,

“Aye me too, wasn’t lookin’ where ah was goin’” Collins scratched the back of his head, they maintained eye contact as Collins walked down and Farrier walked up. Then Farrier chuckled and shook his head, turning back around. Collins grinned as he jogged down the rest of the staircase. Maybe it could go back to how it was. Though when Collins thought about it Anderson’s comments still had him shaken up. He knocked on Wingnut’s door.

“Hello?”

“It’s me ya bastard”

Wingnut opened the door,

“Hey mate, finish early?” he asked,

“Ya, didn’t have much to talk about, Dawson wants ya to bring the cards up though” Collins smiled,

“Ah yeah sure” Timson replied. The boys spent the afternoon playing cards and snacking on a bag of sweets Dawson had bought.

For Farrier, sleep wasn’t something that came particularly easily most nights, but on this particular afternoon, he had a comfortable nap. He was warm and happy, and the nap just happened. Farrier wasn’t entirely sure why he was so relaxed, maybe it was because his resolve to stop associating with Collins didn’t go so well, which probably shouldn’t be a good thing, but it was. After dinner Canfield made an announcement to all the new cadets who weren’t boarding, which was most, to bring their summer uniform tomorrow, for they would be undertaking physical training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you for reading. You don't have any idea how much comments and kudos mean to me! I'd love to know what everyone thought, don't be afraid to comment, and don't be afraid to on more than one chapter if you liked it! If anyone's interested, my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com and you're welcome to chat to me there. See you all again next Monday for the next chapter!


	10. Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, it's that time of the week again!  
> Also, guess who saw Venom today and thought it was absolutely amazing!

The boys went down to class, today everyone in their year was wearing the summer uniform as instructed. Farrier was nervous. He didn’t want to do any demonstrations, he wasn’t in the mood, nor did he want to embarrass himself in front of Collins. To add to it he was feeling self-conscious in the short sleeves, but it was just too hot today. Boys began to pool into his classroom. Once they were all seated he addressed them,

“Morning boys, today we’ll be out in the quadrangle in the middle of the building. We won’t be doing anything too strenuous today, but I do need to ask, does anyone have any issues that may prevent them from undertaking physical activity today?” Nobody answered.

“Good. Follow me then lads.” He walked out of the classroom and opened a door out into the quadrangle.

“Hello Canfield,”

“Hello Farrier, beautiful morning isn’t it?”

“Very sunny.” Farrier smiled.

“I’m just here if you need any assistance.” Canfield said,

“Ah, thank you.” Farrier said and turned back to the group.

“Right. I want you in lines of four facing me.” Farrier said loudly. Collins, Timson and Dawson found themselves in the middle somewhere lined up with one other boy they didn’t know.

“Spread out boys, put your right arm out to your side, make a fist and make sure you can’t reach the man next to you.”

The group did as they were instructed. Farrier clapped his hands once,

“We’re starting with push ups!” He laughed, the group collectively groaned.

“Twenty with my count.” Farrier said, they begrudgingly got down ready.

“What the fuck is this” Wingnut whispered to Collins, who chuckled.

Farrier began to count and they all began their push ups. By the end of it some were tired, some were fine, Collins was more towards the tired side of things. “Not too bad” he said to Wingnut,

“Yeah not too bad” Wingnut repeated to Dawson on his other side, who smiled,

“Easy boys.” Collins shook his head at this and smiled as they all stood up.  They spent about an hour and a half doing rudimental activity, jogging around the quadrangle, push ups and sit ups, and star jumps. By the time Farrier called them to come inside, Collins was very tired and hot.

“Why do we even need this?” he panted to either of his friends,

“Don’t really know” Dawson answered.

“I think I need to do more exercise” Collins said with a laugh.

“Willing to help mate” Wingnut said,

“Yeah?” Collins said,

“Yeah if you wanna play football or run with me you can, I do a run every week.” he smiled as they walked back into the hallway.

“Yeah that’d be great!” Collins said,

“You can come to the gym with me sometimes if you like” Dawson offered,

“Yeah that’ll be good too, thanks lads.” Collins said to both of them.

“No worries mate, we can all do it together!” Wingnut smiled.

 

The classes were more relaxed that afternoon, mapping and deciphering was something all the boys found easy. That night at dinner, the three began to chat about exercising together.

“So maybe one night a week we can go for a run” Wingnut said,

“Yeah and another night we can all go to the gym.” Dawson added,

“Yeah that’s great guys!” Collins smiled.

The following Monday they all went for a jog, Wingnut and Dawson found it relatively easy and Collins found it relatively difficult.

“Why cannae we even stop for a drink?!” He panted after they had finished, the two just laughed. Collins wasn’t sure how much he enjoyed this, but he knew he’d be happy he’d done it when he could compete with his friends in physical training, he had to live up to standards in the RAF. That Wednesday Collins had his tutoring lesson,

“Why is it so important we’re physically fit?” he asked,

“Isn’t it always?” Farrier answered,

“Yae, but is there a reason?” Collins pressed. Farrier sighed.

“Collins I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t know how much you read the papers or listen to news.” Farrier stopped to wait for an answer,

“I don’t at all”

“Didn’t think so, in which case I’ll have you know that Europe is a very tense place right now, as I told you when I asked you to call your friend Timson by his actual name and not ‘Wingnut’. We’re trying to prepare you all for the worst, so this is training to ensure you’re fit to enter a warzone. Before things got to this stage men didn’t have to exercise this much, but now they do.” Farrier ended, Collins got a nervous feeling in his stomach, he knew things in Europe weren’t looking good, but he didn’t pay it much notice, certainly didn’t think a war would come of it. Seeing Farrier unnerved by this made him genuinely worried. But why did he strike Farrier as someone who wouldn’t read news? Collins wasn’t sure if this was an offensive comment or not.

“But if we fight, it’ll be in the sky.” Collins said quietly,

“Things happen, we need the RAF to be prepared for anything.” He answered just as quietly.

On Thursday, the boys went to the gym. It was a large airy room with a wooden floor that was creaky. There were different things set up around the walls, weights, a trampoline, and balancing beams were some Collins could see as they entered. Dawson could lift the heaviest of course, he went to the gym regularly. Wingnut was only slightly ahead of Collins though. They spent a good hour or so there, Dawson taught the two how to lift safely and the dangers of pushing themselves too hard.

 

Collins woke up on Friday with sore arms, but he was glad of it because it meant progress. The next week they did the same run, Collins brought a water flask with him this time and did slightly better because of it. In his tutoring session he asked Farrier about the planes.

“Are they that powerful?” He smirked,

“Yes” Farrier said leaning back in his chair eyeing the boy,

“They make whatever you trained in look like a toy.” He said.

“Aight, I was just curious” Collins chuckled, Farrier tried to smile but a tinge of pain in his torso stopped him. Collins’ smile dropped instantly as he saw his tutor wince.

“You alright?” He said, almost standing up,

“Yeah, it’s okay” Farrier held a hand to his torso.

“Let’s continue, yeah?” He said,

“Yae, sure” Collins tried to shake the worry in his gut.

The next day they had weekly physical training again, it seemed to happen on a Thursday usually, but it could be any day if the weather wasn’t being cooperative, though in the coming weeks it had been heating up, much more than Collins was used to in the highlands.

“Right. Today you’re going to practice unarmed fighting.” Farrier said to the group.

“I want everyone to pair up now” he said,

“It’s alright boys, wouldn’t be fair if I went with one of ya” Dawson laughed and turned to another boy. Wingnut and Collins shrugged at each other and stood facing one another.

“Now, there are many different ways to attack unarmed, and all can be very effective. You’re not going to do any harm today, only practice the movements.” Farrier explained, eyeing Anderson chuckling at Johnson. Probably they’d try and hurt each other, but Farrier couldn’t be bothered doing anything with them so he ignored it.

Collins and Timson looked nervously at each other. One thing Collins prided himself on was coordination.

“Sorry if I hurt ya anyway” He whispered,

“Yeah same to you mate” Wingnut whispered back.

“Now the first thing, is that it’s best to attack with the front of your forearm, that’s to say if you put your arm out parallel to your body in front of you with your hand horizontal, the side that’s away from your body.” Farrier demonstrated. Canfield was walking up behind Farrier,

“Mind if I join in?” he asked.

“Not at all.” Farrier beckoned him to stand beside him in front of the group.

“Another thing, is that the second knuckle on your middle finger is often the most effective so try and make sure when hitting, it’s in the centre of where you drive your force.” He said.

“Now, some basic techniques. We’ll start with the head and move down.” Canfield began, it began apparent that he and Farrier were going to demonstrate on each other.

“Now you lot follow along to get the hang of the movements if you can.” Canfield said as he faced Farrier.

“Firstly, you can use your fingers to gouge out the eyes, pretty basic.” The old man said, reaching up to Farrier’s face and mocking the movement a few inches away from him.

“Notice how far away from the man you need to be to achieve this, notice where you are standing and how outstretched your arm is.” Canfield added, Collins tried it out with Wingnut, who in turn did the same.

“You can also punch the eyes actually, it has a chance of breaking the eye socket.” The old man added, it looked somewhat out of place to see Canfield doing a punching motion. Then Farrier took the offensive stance.

“A blow on the temple will almost definitely knock a man out if your punch is accurate,” he said, mocking a slow swing at Canfield’s head to which there were chuckles.

“Now the nose, you can attack it with a clenched fist,” Farrier did the movement, not touching Canfield.

“Or you can use the cutting edge of your hand across the bridge to break it.” He showed the boys who copied. Canfield had begun mocking pain and the group found it quite humorous, including Farrier who chuckled and shook his head.

“Or use the cutting edge underneath the nose, pushing up to knock him off balance.” Canfield said demonstrating on Farrier, who feigned injury also, causing more laughs than Canfield’s.

“If he’s off balance, he can be easily dealt with.” Canfield added before pretending to knee Farrier in the gut who feigned getting winded, with great amusement from the class.

After a while of practicing different ways to harm the opponent on multiple locations of the body, the instructors moved to ways to fall.

“Now boys, if you’re going to fall backwards, most people will just fall onto their backs. Maybe try and put their arms behind themselves a bit, but there are smarter ways to fall.” Farrier explained.

“It also minimises the risk of knocking yourself out if you know how to fall properly.”

“Yes it’s best not to fall on your head, spine, pelvis, knees, or elbows.” Canfield elaborated.

“Then where _can_ we fall?” someone smartly laughed.

“Well it has a lot to do with shoulder blades and also the feet. But the main idea is that you have to distribute the weight properly, don’t fall hard on one place, try and roll more, or at the very least as we said, don’t land directly on those places if you can help it.” Canfield said. That was when Collins realised that both Canfield and Farrier were much fitter than he thought. Canfield demonstrated the falling procedure with Farrier by first grabbing Farrier’s shoulders to keep him in place while facing him, outstretching one leg, and pushing Farrier over it to trip him over. The brunette landed somewhere between on his side and on his back, a winded sound exiting him. The event was followed by some gasps, but he got up uninjured.

“In that instance, I rolled the weight of the fall mainly across my shoulder blades.” He explained. Collins let go of a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Do you want to try one?” Farrier asked Canfield.

“Maybe an easy one in a bit” Canfield replied.

“Right boys, we’re going to try that one. It’s actually very easy. One person hold the shoulders of the other.” Farrier instructed. Apparently Collins would be the first to fall out of him and Wingnut, as his shoulders were grabbed by the brunette.

“Now, person holding their partner’s shoulders, outstretch their right leg and push the other over it. And the person being pushed, let yourself fall to the side, focus on landing on your shoulder and _rolling_ your body, don’t land still.” Farrier said.

In their own time each pair did it. As Collins fell his stomach tightened but he tried to do what he was told and not twist and put his hands out. As his body hit the ground it hurt, but he still rolled off his shoulder. A few falls later and he was beginning to understand it.

“Now boys, this is something you can practice in your spare time. Just do some rolling from a standing position. That way you can be used to tucking in the parts of your body you don’t want to hit the ground hard.” Canfield said. He then stood straight with one leg in front of the other, took one step and rolled arms outstretched onto the ground, somersaulted and stood back up. It was difficult to believe a man of Canfield’s age could still do somersaults, especially from and ending in standing positions.

“So spread out lads, at first you can do the rolls starting on your knees if you want, but try and get used to doing them standing.” The old man said.

The rest of the day was spent doing somersaults in the dust.

 

Farrier and Canfield continued demonstrations on each other, as well as some genuine attempts to disarm one another, as the class practiced the movements they knew. That day Collins learnt how to completely disarm a man with nothing but his own body and how to do a standing somersault. He also saw a playful side of Farrier he’d never seen before, when he was sparring with Canfield it was like they were younger men.

Later that night everyone was eating dinner in the mess hall.

“What’d you guys think of today?” Dawson asked.

“Fun” Collins said between mouthfuls.

“Yeah I thought so too” Wingnut chimed in.

“Somethin’ I never thought I’d enjoy, but I doubt I’d like a real fight.” Collins said.

“You’ve never been in a fight? Lucky.” Wingnut said.

“Nae, should I have been?” Collins asked.

“Well yeah, it happens” Dawson answered.

“You’ve both been in fights?” Collins asked.

“Course” Wingnut said with a mouthful.

Collins began to feel like he was somehow vulnerable for not having been in one. In truth he wasn’t very good at confrontations, he seemed to get too emotional so usually he’d just go along with whatever was being said instead of causing an argument out of it. Not a very manly trait, Collins thought to himself, though he knew it fruitless to try to swallow his emotions, they were just ever-present. And the more he thought about it, the more Collins decided it was a good thing he felt strong emotions, meant he was different, he supposed.

“Good fun today” Canfield remarked at the dinner table to Farrier, who hummed in unenthusiastic agreement.

“I’m quite proud I can still do forward rolls” Canfield chuckled. Farrier hummed again.

“Farrier?” the older man tutted. Another hum.

“Gosh boy, anyone would think I never taught you manners!”

“Hungry”. he mumbled.

“Yes, and what else?” Canfield asked. Farrier sighed and answered after a while of thinking,

“Just don’t like that we have to teach them how to fight. They shouldn’t need to do that.” Farrier replied finally.

“Oh Farrier, that’s ridiculous. Everyone learns that.” Canfield said,

“Yeah I know.” Farrier said, mostly just to shut him up.

“So are we going to the gym tonight boys?” Dawson asked.

“Ugh, I dunno” Collins said,

“Thanks for your agreement, it’s settled.” Dawson replied much to Collins’ disappointment. They all practiced somersaults from standing that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone, I know I can't do any of the stuff they had the boys do in training lmao. As always your kudos and comments mean so much, don't be afraid to let me know what you thought of this week's chapter, even if you've commented before I wanna know! See you all next Monday for the next chapter <3 
> 
> my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to personally chat to me.


	11. Secret's safe with us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, hope you liked the last chapter. This one's a bit longer than usual!

Collins woke up to a bruise from yesterday hurting as he rolled in bed, getting up and looking in the mirror he realised he had quite a few. He’d gotten somewhat ready, hadn’t touched his hair or fixed his tie yet, when he walked out of his room. He’d taken a few steps down the hall when he heard a door open behind him.

Farrier got a surprise when he saw a sleepy looking Collins exit his door with messy blonde hair, trying to tie his tie as he walked down the hall. Usually the boy was sparkling by the time he saw him in the dining hall at breakfast.

“Collins?” he called out, Collins slightly jumped and turned,

“Sorry, I just wanted to check up on you, everyone looked a little rough after the lesson yesterday.” He smiled warmly.

“Aye a bit bruised but that’s tae be expected I guess.” Collins smiled and lazily ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, not what you’re used to, I imagine.” Farrier chuckled,

“Nope, and then ma eejit friends dragged me to the gym.” Collins huffed with a smile.

“Impressive” Farrier chuckled, assuming that ‘eejit’ was an insulting word.

“Not really, cannae lift much at all but I need tae go because I’m strugglin’ wit’ these physical classes.” He admitted, beginning to turn back down the hall, Farrier decided to walk with him.

“Well you can’t be good at everything. Though your civil certificate said you excelled in physical training.”

“Ya it did. That’s why I need to improve more, because excelling in civil school isn’t excelling here.” Collins slightly reddened as he finally managed to tie his tie. Farrier huffed.

“You’ll get there.” Farrier smiled and put a hand on Collins’s shoulder as they walked, taking it off after a few steps. Collins enjoyed the pressure and warmth, he didn’t like when it suddenly disappeared. They walked down the stairs together in silence, and arrived at the open doors of the underground dining hall.

“I’ll see you later Collins.” Farrier smiled, before walking over to his table,

“Ya, seeya.” Collins smiled back, before walking over to his friends who were already seated.

“Hey mate, bit late today” Wingnut jested as Collins sat down, his hair still felt messy.

“Ya, pretty tired from yesterday if I’m honest lads.” he said, trying to comb his hair to the side with his hand.

“Talkin’ to Farrier?” Dawson asked,

“Uh ya we were both leaving our rooms at the same time so we started chattin’” Collins smiled.

“Smells good in here” Collins added, looking over to the front.

“See much? I haven’t even looked over” Timson said.

“Pancakes!” Collins grinned.

“Get in!” Dawson said, Wingnut clapped his hands together. They eventually went up to get said pancakes, with which they had honey, a vast improvement on most of the breakfasts served. The day passed quickly, the classes were somewhat rudimentary but not disinteresting. As usual Collins was somewhat more interested in the teacher rather than the teachings.

That night, Collins was in Dawson’s room with Wingnut too, as per usual. They were playing a game of questions and commands instead of cards for once, to Collins’ disappointment, seeing it as a somewhat childish game. He only said yes to make Wingnut happy.  
“Right, Dawson. Question or command?” Collins asked,

“Command.” The blonde answered.

“I command you, to run up and down the hall once each way screamin’.” Collins laughed. The only way the game was fun to him was if it was outrageous.

“Or else? That’s a hard one!” Dawson laughed.

“Or else you drink, mate!” Wingnut said holding up a bottle of over-proofed alcohol he’d bought for the game. Dawson huffed,

“Fine, not worth getting drunk over.” He stood up to Collins and Wingnut’s delight. He slowly opened the door, checked the coast was clear, took one more disapproving look at his friends and ran towards the stairs with a wild, loud scream trailing from his mouth. Collins and Wingnut were in stitches listening, Dawson sounded like a deranged bird. Collins secretly thanked the fact that there weren’t many other boarders.

Farrier was in the middle of trying to read a book, to be fair it was an instruction booklet on some new engine Rolls Royce was putting into their planes, but reading was something Canfield had told him he needed to get back into doing so an instruction book was good enough. Then he heard a warbling, high pitched scream in the hallway. At first he thought a boy was in trouble and sat up in bed, but then he recognised the sound as something silly. He huffed and fell back onto his bed with his eyes shut. The sound got louder and more annoying.

The two boys heard Dawson coming back up the hall and going past the other way.

“I have to watch I’m sorry!” Wingnut laughed,

“Aight me too, but only a peep!” Collins said with a stupid grin. They cracked the door open to see Dawson windmilling his arms and running in a zigzag up the hallway making the stupidest screeching sound imaginable. They tried desperately to stop cackling at him, but then,

“DAWSON!” Farrier appeared in his doorway. Dawson screamed in a very girlish way and physically jumped away from Farrier’s doorway.

“Sorry Farrier.”

“What the fuck are you doing? Everyone is asleep!” Farrier hissed. Collins couldn’t contain his laughter anymore, he let out a snort, then Wingnut began giggling. Farrier looked down the hallway to see the two giggling feverishly in the doorway.

“Oh I see, let’s annoy Farrier, is that it?” he said down the hallway to them.

“No” Dawson started, but was laughing too much himself.

“No, we we’re playing questions and commands and Collins told me to scream up and down the hallway.” Dawson began giggling again. Instead of saying anything Farrier just gave Collins a disapproving look, to which he made an innocent face.

“Go to bed boys.” Farrier said before shutting his door again.

Dawson ran back to the door,

“No more commands like that” He laughed with the other two.

“Well we dinnae think yae were going for the banshee screamin’ windmill arms mate!” Collins laughed,

“Well you told me to scream so I made it interesting!” Dawson laughed.

“Right, my turn. Wingnut, question or command?” Dawson said,

“Question.” The brunette answered.

“Okay, umm” Dawson thought.

“Did you score any action on the uniform party? I genuinely didn’t see ya for a good portion of the night.”

“Nah I didn’t mate, whole pub was full of men from the RAF, barely a woman in sight!” he smiled to Dawson,

“I mean… Didn’t say woman.” Dawson laughed.

“Push off man, I’m not a poof!” Wingnut laughed, Collins chuckled uncomfortably, though slightly irritated inside.

“Got a problem with gays ey?” Collins laughed, tried to make it sound joking and not an actual question.

“Nah, in reality I don’t care who ya like, boys, girls, both. But I’m just sayin’, I’m not gay myself.” Wingnut said,

“Yeah I agree. I was just messin’ with ya Wingnut, I don’t mind homosexuals, I care more about people being able to work equally. Like, if for some reason it means you don’t work as much or can’t do the job as well I’d care, but if you’re into men and it doesn’t affect your job, why does it matter? And I can’t even think of how it would affect your work anyway.” Dawson smiled happily.

This was it. Something Collins never thought he’d be able to do, he could tell them, and now he knew they wouldn’t judge.

“Well, if neither of yae have a problem with homosexuals…” he began, feeling his face redden he looked at the floor.

“I’m one of them.” Collins said. There was an awkward silence as the two boys let the information sink in.

“I had no clue mate, but don’t worry, secret’s safe with us, right Dawson?” Wingnut said, elbowing Dawson.

“’Course mate, as I said, I don’t see you any differently, just appreciate that you’re open enough with us to tell us.” Dawson smiled, he’d had his suspicions about Collins but had kept quiet.

“Exactly, we’re ya best mates, it’s what we’re here for!” Wingnut smiled.

“Thanks guys, I appreciate it bein’ kept quiet.” Collins smiled.

“Aight let’s keep the game goin. Collins, question or command?”

“Question” Collins answered, trying to somehow mentally push the redness out of his cheeks.

Wingnut smiled cheekily, Collins raised an eyebrow.

“Fancy either of us?”

“Oh stop mate, don’t make fun o’ me” Collins said offendedly.

“Nah serious! I’m dashingly handsome and so is Dawson here.” Wingnut laughed.

“Look, no. Sorry mate, but both of yae, definitely not.” Collins laughed sarcastically, though he did recognise Dawson as quite attractive in his head, he’d never say it.

“Then is there someone in Gatwick?” Wingnut pressed,

“Ah, one question at a time.” Collins smirked. They called the game quits soon after that, and Collins went to bed with a happy feeling in his belly. He was very relieved he could trust his friends with his secret.

On Wednesday the following week, the boys had their weekly physical education lesson, and Collins felt good about it after their successful jog earlier that week. This time an obstacle course had been set up. There was a ladder lying on the dirt, several tyres, and a climbing wall made of ropes attached to wooden planks. It was easy enough for Collins, he may not have been as strong as he wanted, but he was agile. Timson and Dawson both struggled more than Collins, being stronger but not as nimble. Farrier and Canfield watched from their chairs in the shade.

“This was always fun.” Farrier said with a nostalgic smile.

“You could go and do it Farrier, in fact you should probably make sure that you’re able!” Canfield jested, Farrier laughed,

“I can do it, I don’t need to participate every time, I was just saying.” Said the brunette.

“I’m not going to make you, heavens I wouldn’t want to be out in that sun” Canfield laughed.

Collins was sweating, thankfully the shirt was short sleeved but the pants had no short counterpart. He looked around as he sat on the top of the climbing wall for a rest, everyone’s faces sheened with sweat, he looked over at Farrier and Canfield sat comfortably in the shade. He began to climb down, and met Wingnut who was clambering up.

“Why do they get tae sit in the shade all day and watch us getting sunburnt?” Collins panted,

“Not fair, is it.” Wingnut panted back as he continued to climb. Collins wasn’t used to this much sun, he could feel his pale skin burning. He stopped going through the obstacle course and stood still, breathing heavily.

Farrier watched the group from his chair, noticed that Collins had stopped, he was standing still and appeared to be breathing heavily.

Collins squinted up into the sky, he thought London was supposed to be cloudy. Collins ran a hand through his sweat-dampened hair. He needed water, or a break, or something. He felt like he was going to get heatstroke. He walked over to the water fountain without asking permission, not that he needed it, but he knew it probably looked a bit odd for one of them to have stopped, nobody else had needed a drink yet.

“He’s not used to the weather, poor thing” Canfield laughed quietly to Farrier,

“Yeah, I mean while I’m not surprised, it does amuse me that he’s finding this weather hot, can’t be that different up there can it?” Farrier smiled.

Collins gulped water down from the fountain, splashed some on his face and the back of his neck. He finished his drink and stood up with his eyes closed and took a big breath.

“I think they all deserve a break.” Farrier said, wincing as he stood up.

“Are you okay?” Canfield asked, watching Farrier wince,

“Yeah, just my torso again.” He said.

“Ah.” Canfield smiled sadly, knowing there was nothing he could do.

Farrier walked over to the step down to the dirt,

“Right men, everyone take a break and get a drink.” Collins hadn’t even started doing anything since he got back from his drink, he couldn’t help feel guilty that it was probably him that made Farrier call break time. Having already had a drink he walked over to the wall of the building and sat against it in the shade. Wingnut and Dawson joined him.

“What’s the matter?” Dawson asked,

“It’s so hot” Collins said, with his eyes shut.

“Mate” Wingnut said, waiting for Collins to open his eyes,

“It’s like twenty-two degrees today, that’s pretty average for this time” he smiled,

“That’s like the heat of summer where I’m from, not the cusp of it, in fact even hotter than the heat of summer!” Collins said out of breath.

“It gets to like twenty-five usually here.” Wingnut said.

“Well I suppose that’s not too bad” Collins said,

“Just a bit sudden, this weather” he added.

“Yeah I’ll agree with you there” Dawson said.

“Right everyone, half an hour more then we’re done” Farrier said.

Collins groaned and got up again.

“Easy for him to say” he says,

“Ah c’mon, he’s probably too old for this shit, fighting demonstrations were standing still mostly, probably can’t do all this!” Wingnut laughed, Collins smiled, in his head disagreeing. He began stepping through the ladder that lay on the ground, then the tyres, then back to the ladder. Collins eventually made it back to the climbing wall after a few rounds of warming up on the stepping obstacles. He climbed up one side and down the other, then climbed up and sat on top again. After a minute or two he climbed back down and went back to the ladder and tyres. It was easy, just hot work. After a few more rotations Farrier’s voice sounded over the courtyard once more.

“Right class, let’s get you all inside” he said, Canfield had already gone. Collins was sitting on the top of the climbing frame again when he heard, and was subsequently the last in line to go inside. Farrier always waited for the students to go in before he did. Collins passed him,

“Didn’t feel like joinin’ in?” Collins asked, smiling but the question seemed somewhat jealous.

“I’ve done it all many times before, Collins.” Farrier smiled, Collins chuckled,

“Ah no worries, mightn’t be able to anymore.” he joked, and went to backhand Farrier’s shoulder in jest, but his hand was stopped by Farrier’s forearm instinctually blocking the hit. They locked blue eyes, Collins smirked and tried again, he went for a genuine swing to the arm, blocked again, he tried to swipe Farrier’s hand away and get him in the side, blocked seamlessly again,

“Try me.” Farrier said, not breaking eye contact. Collins dropped his hands and chuckled to the ground, muttering some sort of insincere apology. He walked inside and after a few moments Farrier followed, he smirked at Collins attempts to hit him, and made a note to apologise later for being so harsh.

If it was one thing Farrier knew about himself, it was that there was an on/off switch somewhere. There was work, and not work. Collins had just flicked that switch, nothing playful about that little scuffle. He was strange that way, it was Collins for god’s sake, yet he’d gone completely serious and not even let him hit his shoulder, Farrier thought to himself. Maybe he found life easier when it was compartmentalised into ‘work’ and ‘not work’. Sometimes he wished he could blur the line more.

After classes Collins went to tutoring again.

“How did you find physical education today?” Farrier smiled knowingly,

“Well, I’m not used to the heat at this time o’ year, but it was easy.” Collins smiled.

“You did well, when you weren’t sitting on the climbing frame.” Farrier smirked,

“Yae but I genuinely think I was getting’ heatstroke.” Collins said,

Farrier didn’t say anything, just smiled.

“What was that play fight about then?” he asked after a while.

“Wanted to see if you could keep up” Collins smirked,

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, I’ve got no bruises to show for the fight lesson we had.” Farrier grinned, Collins rolled his eyes but smiled back, and momentarily they both got lost in each other’s eyes once more before Farrier continued,

“But I am sorry for being a bit cold, sometimes, I dunno. Sometimes things seem to trigger me I guess, and it’s like it’s real. I don’t know how to explain myself.” Farrier said,

“I think I know what yae mean. It’s like seeing someone go for you without warning made yer mind go into combat mode?” Collins said.

“Yeah, I s’pose so. So I’m sorry for that.” Farrier said.

“It’s fine, my fault.” Collins smiled.

“Uh so. I had a question about the mathematics class on Monday.” the blonde added.

“I understand that it works, but don’t fully understand why.”

“As usual.” Farrier smiled.

“Collins, you’re not blushing are you?” Farrier asked with a smile creeping onto his face, this question shocked Collins. But then he realised why he’d been asked.

“Sunburn.” Collins smiled with half of his mouth while taking a piece of paper out of his pocket.

“Ah” Farrier said, mirroring the half-smile.

“Yes you’re quite pale” he muttered as he looked at the question page Collins had pulled out of his pocket. In truth Farrier thought his pale skin was beautiful, with bursts of freckles if you looked close enough. Such stark contrast to his own olive skin, he pondered.

“Well, we don’t get much sun up there.” Collins answered, pulling Farrier's thoughts back to the present.

“Neither do we, today was weird.” Farrier murmured as he read. There was a scar on the side of his head, Collins had never noticed before. Farrier looked up and noticed the gaze on the side of his head, he ran his hand over his scar and cleared his throat.

“Sorry.” Collins said,

“No, it’s not like I can hide that one.” Farrier said with a faint smile. Collins thought to himself, what did he mean by ‘that one’? Did he have more? He didn’t ask.

The next day was gym day with the boys, and Collins was determined to do well. He lifted weights heavier than he had been, and felt good when he was able to. He also worked on his torso and back muscles, something they hadn’t tried yet, Wingnut and Collins had been focusing on their arms and legs, but Dawson stressed the importance of working out their torsos, complete with a brief lifting up of his shirt to show off his sculpted body, accompanied by a laugh when he realised he’d made Collins blush, although seeing Dawson’s body only made Collins push harder. They also did some fight training afterwards, against each other. It wasn’t much, but Collins began to feel confident in his style, maybe he’d try it out with Farrier sometime again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Collins finally confided in his friends, what a relief for him.  
> The physical training they've been doing is all true to historical accounts btw which I think is super cool, there are even some YouTube videos of the RAF training.  
> Also, Dawson’s thoughts about homosexuality affecting work was an actual mindset that was drummed into people back then, and men actually did get fired from places like Collins if they were homosexual if they thought they’d ‘get distracted’. As you read Dawson is beginning to see the obvious falsities in this mindset so that’s a plus.
> 
> See you all next week for the next chapter :)
> 
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat to me.
> 
> Until then, happy reading!


	12. A jog in the rain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been super busy with uni stuff this week but ya gal isn't gonna miss an update ok?? (oh no it's 12:03am on TUESDAY YA GAL MISSED MONDAY UPDATE don't tell anyone!!!)

Collins felt good about himself, it was Monday, they were going on a run tonight. His torso was still a bit sore from working out last week, but he enjoyed the pain, he knew it meant progress. The classes were mainly with Canfield today. He used the blackboard more than Farrier and this interested Collins. Farrier tended to just talk to the class and made sure everyone was taking notes, Canfield didn’t check if anyone was noting anything down, but he plainly wrote it all up on the board. Sometimes Canfield got distracted and told stories or riddles, which everyone loved. Farrier always turned down stories, sometimes it looked like he wanted to divulge, but he never did.

“Hey Canfield, why are we doing fight training?” someone called out after Canfield mentioned their training during a particularly interesting class in which everyone was being particularly rowdy to Collins' annoyance.

“Isn’t it obvious?” the man said, after getting no answer he continued.

“We’re preparing for war, Edwards. Britain needs to be ready, and so do you. Maybe it won’t come to it, but what’s a little training?” Canfield said, then shrugged to himself.

“Can you and Farrier fight properly too?” Someone else piped up.

“Well, I probably can’t, not much past the training you saw me doing.” he laughed, there was a tinge of pain behind it,

“But I imagine Farrier can, yes. Not that I’ve seen him do it for a long time.” Canfield turned to the board to continue.

“Why hasn’t he for a long time then?” someone asked, Collins turned around and looked at them in annoyance, the boy shrugged at him. Collins just wanted to get on with it and find out the differing speeds and altitudes at which planes began to get faulty, which was about where Canfield had been interrupted.

“Well, we’re in a time of peace, it’s a good thing I haven't seen him for a long time. That, and he- actually I don’t think I should divulge.” Canfield said,

“Stop trying to distract me!” he chuckled and turned back to the board. Collins wondered what he was going to say, but stayed quiet.

 

That night they went on their jog.

“Let’s go this way tonight!” Dawson said, he was pointing to a hill. The friends jogged up to the hill and slowed down as it began to get steep. They walked up most of it, puffing and taking short breaks. Collins was the first to reach the top, spurred on by a burst of energy at the end probably from some need to be first.

“Look at that!” he said, lacing his fingers together on top of his head. He could see the whole of Gatwick from here, it was beautiful. The sky was purple, and all he could see was the black outline of the buildings. The three friends laughed gleefully to each other at the sight.

“We have to come up here after every run!” Wingnut said,

“Definitely” Dawson said. Collins then felt something cold on his nose, then his cheek, his head.

“Is it rainin’?” he said,

“Ah shit yeah it is!” Dawson said,

“Ah there’s the London I know.” Wingnut laughed. The boys jogged back down the hill, cautiously as the grass got wet and slippery. Collins looked up and saw dark clouds moving in. they continued to descend and after a few minutes reached the streets again.

“Hope our uniforms dunnae get too soaked!” Collins said to the others as they jogged back to the base,

“Yeah, I mean we could hang them somewhere surely.” Wingnut said puffing as they jogged,

“Ya true.” Collins said, not able to talk much while he jogged. They continued along in the light rain, sticking under the cover of trees as much as they could. Nonetheless, when they reached the base they were more or less wet all over.

It was dark by the time the boys got back.

“Good run men” Wingnut said,

“Yeah I think it was a bit longer than our usual.” Dawson smiled.

“Ya, bit damper too!” Collins laughed,

“You’re used to it mate, surely.” Dawson said,

“Yeah, I wasn’t complainin’.” Collins smiled.  His hair was dripping onto his nose and his clothes felt heavy on him.

“Where do we hang these? I don’t have anything in mae room to hang things except in the cupboard.” he said, gesturing to his top.

“Good question.” Wingnut said slowly as he thought of an answer.

“Locker room?” Dawson suggested,

“Nobody is gonna go in there, and if they do what’re they gonna do, steal some uniforms?” he added, Collins and Timson shrugged at each other.

“Well I’m gettin’ dry clothes before we go down, I’m not runnin’ up the stairs in ma trunks, it’s not exactly warm.” Collins smiled as he walked upstairs.

“Good idea actually” Dawson said, following.

“Yeah” Wingnut said, jogging up to the others. Collins went into his room and pulled out the first warm, comfy clothes he found, woollen brown pants, and a navy turtleneck. He waited for the others in the hall. The three went down to the locker rooms with their clothes bundled under their arms.

“Dinner’s still on right?” Wingnut asked,

“Yes mate, it’s not that late yet.” Dawson laughed, wondering how he never seemed to know the time.

“I’m hungry.” Collins said, then his belly gurgled comedically. They reached the locker room,

“See?” Dawson laughed. The lights were dim, and the locker room was empty but peaceful.

 

Farrier was in the dining room with Canfield. He had begun to notice that Collins and his friends were later on Mondays for some reason.

“You know my class asked about you today Farrier.”

“Oh yeah?” He lifted his head from his tin mug of tea.

“Yes, they wanted to know why they were learning to fight, I told them it’s in preparation for, well, anything. And then they asked if _we_ could fight!” Canfield chuckled,

“And?” Farrier asked,

“Well I said I probably couldn’t and you probably could!” Canfield laughed.

“Probably could?” Farrier smirked,

“Yes, probably. Haven’t seen you do it for a long time my friend,” Farrier was about to laugh but then Canfield continued,

“They asked why I hadn’t seen you fighting for a long time, I just said it’s because we’re in peacetime.” Canfield reassured his friend. He watched Farrier exhale slightly into his mug.

“I do the light stuff, we did demonstrations together for them for fighting techniques and that.” Farrier said,

“Indeed we did.” Canfield replied.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of Farrier.” the old man added, patting Farrier’s shoulder, to which he flinched instinctively.

“I know, but it still concerns me, that my injuries probably would hinder my abilities to join in.” He said, taking a drink of his tea.

 

The three boys all faced the walls and took off their shirts. Collins always wore his white singlet underneath the beige top, it may have contributed to his heatstroke the previous week. He caught a glimpse of Dawson and Timson, both without shirts in the corner of his eye.

“Collins?” Wingnut said,

“Ya?” Collins answered, unstrapping a shoe.

“Why are you wearing your singlet?”

“I dunno, I always wear it under my shirt” he answered, looking up and trying to act like he wasn’t struggling to keep his gaze on Wingnut's face.

“You can’t be that bad mate” Wingnut laughed, Collins didn’t answer, just laughed uncomfortably. In truth it wasn’t about self-consciousness, he supposed it was just from living in a cold climate, you got used to dressing in layers all the time.

“Hey let him go mate.” Dawson said to Wingnut,

“Yeah yeah, but by the looks of your arms mate you don’t have much to be ashamed of Collins.” Wingnut said, and then slipped on his dry top.

Collins glanced at his right arm, then his left. They did look a bit better, and that amazed him. He could actually see progress, maybe he was imagining it but he hoped not. Collins turned to make sure the others were turned away before quickly slipping his damp singlet off and immediately putting his turtleneck on. He was, perhaps, a little self-conscious, whether he’d admit it to himself or not. He quickly got his shoes and socks off, slipped his pants down and put on his dry ones as soon as he could. He sat down and put his dry socks on and relaced his shoes onto his feet. They hung their uniforms on the racks placed above the benches around the walls in the room. Eventually the three made their way down to the dining hall.

“I think I need a watch.” Collins said absent-mindedly,

“That’s a good idea, I always forget to wear mine.” Wingnut said, answering Dawson’s earlier pondering of why he never knew the time,

“Yeah I’ve got one, I keep it in my pocket usually actually.” Dawson said, pulling out a watch from his pants pocket.

“Yae I can never tell what time it is.” Collins laughed as they went down the stairs. Dawson supposed he didn’t notice as much because it seemed that if Collins didn’t know something, he’d just keep quiet, whereas Wingnut would voice anything he could, any time. He appreciated the quieter side of Collins, it certainly made him seem more intelligent than Wingnut.

 

They walked down the hall to the stairs leading down to the dining room, Collins’ hair was still damp annoyingly, and it was making his ears cold. Wingnut saw Collins staring at a drop of water falling down his blonde hair onto his straight nose.

“Told ya to go short.” he smirked, running a hand through his almost dry hair.

“Still like it long.” Collins smiled, shaking his head of get rid of the single drop, producing a laugh from Wingnut.

Farrier looked at the door anxiously as it opened. Just the man he wanted to see was entering, Collins. He was dressed in casuals, a dark turtleneck and brown pants. His hair was messy and hung down to his eyebrows. Farrier exhaled and forced himself to look down at his tea. But the turtleneck clung to Collins’ figure, unlike the uniform shirts. It was hard for Farrier not to watch as he led his friends to their seats.

Collins felt eyes on him, and he thought he knew who they belonged to. He looked straight over to Farrier’s table as he swung a leg over the bench to sit down, he smirked a little when he saw that he was right, Farrier had been watching, Collins saw the corner of Farrier’s mouth twitch into a smile which sent tingles up Collins’ spine. He ran a hand through his damp hair, genuinely without meaning to, nor realising the effect it had on Farrier, who was still staring over with an intense look in his eyes, and then sat down with Dawson and Wingnut. Collins’ heart was racing, that was flirting, it had to be. Unless Collins was completely delirious or socially retarded, that was about as close to actual confirmation as he had gotten yet. The fact that he’d kept eye contact for that long, surely it meant _something._

Farrier couldn’t help it, he literally couldn’t stop looking. Did Collins have to wear those clothes? Did he have to have wet hair? Thank goodness Canfield was distracted by talking to the other officers or he would have slapped Farrier silly. Everyone at his table began standing up so he followed, not that he’d even heard anyone yelling out the food was ready. He got up absent-mindedly and made his way to the line.

“You take the front, Canfield” he smiled, offering his hand forward.

“Too kind” Canfield mumbled with a smile as he walked in front.

 

Collins lay in bed that night thinking what he’d done to deserve that dinner. Did he actually have a chance with Farrier? But of course, he had to be careful, if he was somehow misreading all these signs he could get in a lot of trouble. Somehow, Collins didn’t think he was misreading anything.

 

Farrier had to stop himself. If what he thought about Collins’ sexuality to be true, this could actually eventuate to something, and that could not happen. Farrier couldn’t help watch Collins, think about him, want to be around him, and that was a problem because it almost seemed that Collins felt the same way. Farrier didn’t know what it was like to have his feeling reciprocated. If this was it, it was madness.

 

That Wednesday Collins had his favourite time of the week, tutoring. He walked into the usual classroom to see Farrier leaning back against the teacher’s desk,

“Hi” he said, with a husky voice.

“Hi yourself.” Collins smiled, before wondering, _was I meant to answer like that?_

Farrier liked the answer he’d just received, Collins’ tutoring always put him in a good mood, especially if Collins was acting especially chirpy which he seemed to be today. They took their usual seats opposite one another at the desk in the front row next to the window.

“So, what can I do for you today?” Farrier smiled, Collins had a piece of paper in his pocket with his questions which he lay on the table. Farrier scanned it,

“That’s it?” he looked up from the page,

“Yae. Startin’ to think these sessions might no’ be worth it.” he scratched the back of his head, he regretted it as soon as he’d said it. As much as he enjoyed them, he did sometimes feel bad for Farrier for having to sit for an hour even when Collins didn’t really need it, but he loved it so much.

“Indeed. Unlike Timson, with whome I often struggle to finish all of his queries by the end of his session, you and I have a lot of spare time.” Farrier said. There was a heavy silence between them.

“Tell you what, why don’t you just come in when you’ve got a decent amount of questions, or if it’s urgent for the work, doesn’t have to be every week. How does that sound Collins?” Farrier asked after a while.

“Ya that’d work fine, so we’ll just finish these ones today and then I’ll be off?”

“Yeah. When you want to come in for another session just speak to me during or after class, but preferably give me more than a few hours’ notice” Farrier smiled,

“Easy. I’d be lettin’ ya know like days in advance probably.” Collins smiled.

“Excellent, Now, let’s quickly get through these questions.”

Farrier loved seeing Collins weekly in private, but the boy didn’t need tutoring, and he didn’t want to give him special treatment. Collins walked out of class that afternoon looking visibly disheartened, making Farrier feel almost guilty for changing the tutoring plan. He heard Collins huff in the hallway.

 

Later that night the rain had gotten heavier, and the air colder. Collins was sat up in bed drawing his bedside lamp. He had less and less time to doodle nowadays, so he felt lucky tonight. His thoughts strayed from the task at hand however, to his friends, and not for the first time since coming out to them. Collins hadn't noticed a difference in their behaviours to him, but for some reason he felt strange that they knew. Felt scared. Anderson knew as well, and that didn't go well at all. What if they were just pretending to be okay with it? That was nonsense the blonde told himself. Yet he was unable to concentrate on the drawing. He shut the book and got out of bed. Collins walked out into the hallway in search of Dawson's room. He knocked quietly on the door.  
"Who is it?" Came Dawson's voice.

"Me" Collins said dumbly. The door opened moments later.

"Hey, mate you okay?" Dawson asked.

"Yae. Look I just wanted to know..." Collins began, not realising how hard it would be to ask. He took a deep breath and looked down, a nervous habit.

"Collins, what?" the blonde asked.

"It's just, yae know that thing I told you two last week?" he finally got out.

"Oh, yeah 'course." 

"I s'pose I wannae know.. You're sure you donnae mind?" Collins asked, finding Dawson's eyes.

"Of course not Collins! I told ya mate!" Dawson smiled sadly, wishing this wasn't something that plagued his friend's thoughts.

"Okay, good. Just because, someone else knows and they didn't take it so well. I think I'm just worryin' about nothin'." Collins tried to laugh.

"No it's fair enough, I get it. But who else knows?" Dawson asked.

"Anderson, I think." Collins' breathing sped up as he recalled the night at the pub.

"How?" Dawson asked.

"Dunno. But he, come to think of it I suppose it was some kind of threat. The uniform party, he dragged me outside at some point basically just to let me know he knew. Wasn't bein' friendly about it." Collins said, his breath was shaky.

"Shit. Well keep an eye on him, we will too, Wingnut and me. If you're okay me telling him?" Dawson said. Collins nodded at the floor.

"Collins, it's okay. You can trust us, you know that." the blonde said. 

"I know. Just wish I didn't have to be so afraid." Collins replied in a small voice. He felt strong arms pull him into a hug. He let out a sigh and closed his eyes,

"Thank you." he mumbled into Dawson's shoulder.

"Don't mention it mate. I'll see you tomorrow yeah?" Dawson said, letting Collins go.

"Yeah. Night then." The blonde said.

Collins fell into an uneasy sleep, and the drawing never got finished.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! Sorry if you thought this chapter was a bit boring, but I just love writing about Collins and his friends as well as Farrier tbh. As you can probably tell by now the story is VERY plot-heavy, I love writing for the plot and characterisation, not only of main characters but side characters ie Canfield, Dawson and Wingnut, but trust me you'll all get your flyboy fix sooner or later but I'm seriously enjoying writing Collins and his friendships. Let me know if you like it too, I always love to hear what everyone thinks!
> 
> If I haven’t already mentioned it, the RAF actually did hold fight classes, which I find pretty cool, there are even videos of the training online. 
> 
> If anyone wants to chat, my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com 
> 
> Until next week, my dudes.
> 
> (PS it's my birthday this Wednesday, happy bday to me!)


	13. Learning a lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly, it's the early hours of Tuesday. Sorry I couldn't make upload Monday again, uni has been ridiculous lately. But, I hope everyone enjoys this one. <3
> 
> Trigger warning(s) listed in end notes.

The next day was comparatively warm again, they were out in the courtyard doing more physical work.

“You complain about it bein’ rainy here, you stole all the sun!” Collins remarked to Wingnut,

“You should go to the sea, even nicer there mate” Wingnut said,

“Yeah it’s true, sunny days all around back home.” Dawson smiled,

“That’s probably why I don’t really have an issue with this” he pointed up to the sun.

Farrier instructed them to get into pairs, another fighting lesson. Collins was somewhat eager to practice what him and his friends had been practicing amongst each other. Collins was first paired with a skinny lad who was a good head shorter than him, he felt bad that they had to fight.

“Sorry if I hurt ya” he said quietly,

“Same for you” the boy said, Collins knew he wasn’t joking but he looked incapable of hurting him.

After Farrier had given the signal to begin, the man went to sit in the shade with Canfield.

“Good to see you’re in the summer uniform today, my friend.” Canfield said.

“Ah, yeah. Way too hot to wear anything else.” Farrier said, not that he particularly enjoyed this uniform. He sat with his arms folded across his chest, careful to keep his wrist inwards. Canfield reached over to try and uncross his arms for him.

“Don’t.” Farrier said sternly.

“Why?” Canfield asked.

“You always do that. It’s not a good look my boy, plus it looks like you’re trying to hide something, to me.” The old man added.

Farrier just huffed.

“I shouldn’t be worried there’s something there you’re hiding, Farrier?” Canfield pried.

“No, Canfield. Not what you’re thinking of. I just don’t like the look of the scars, and don’t want them to see either.” He looked out into the courtyard.

“Well, you made them.” Canfield said. Farrier couldn’t believe what the man had just said, he sat dumbfounded for a second. Canfield gave some sort of smile as if to say, _it’s true._ Farrier didn’t respond to Canfield.

“Right boys, time’s up.” Farrier yelled and stood up, walking away from Canfield to the group. They began reporting their number of hits, they arrived at Collins and his partner,

“One” the boy said,

“Two” Collins said, Dawson and Wingnut turned around with smirks on their faces. After the rest of the group had announced their scores, Collins made his way over to his friends.

“I had to go easy look at him!” Collins explained,

“Yeah that’s what we were laughing at mate, don’t worry” Dawson chuckled.

“Now, today we’re going to learn more about kicking.” Farrier said. He began explaining to the class how to kick, how to aim the power and how to recoil after impact.

“Why don’t you demonstrate on someone other than your imaginary friend?” Anderson laughed, Farrier had been going through the motions in the air so far today, Collins was genuinely surprised Farrier could lift his legs that high but was thrilled at the prospect nonetheless.

“How about you then?” Farrier laughed, but it was a hostile one.

“Serious? You’re an old man, I’d have you on the ground in seconds!” Anderson turned and smiled to his friends behind him, Collins scowled.

“I’m bettin’ ya wouldn’t.” Collins said to Anderson, the whole group turned to him, he was slightly embarrassed that he’d spoken out of turn, but he didn’t like what Anderson was trying to do. Farrier’s stomach tightened as he heard the Scot’s voice, couldn’t he have stayed out of it? Damn that blonde boy and his meddling.

“Me too, Farrier could easily take you.” Dawson crossed his arms and smirked at Anderson.

“Yeah blondies? Why don’t we find out?” Anderson turned and smiled with cold eyes at Farrier. The older man smiled at the sky and then looked over to Canfield.

“It’s his fault, let him learn. But don’t hurt him!” Canfield yelled.

“Or is there another reason you sit out every single lesson and have never _really_ participated?” Anderson laughed,

“Too weak maybe? Scared a student might actually beat you?” Anderson laughed. Collins was almost shaking with anger.

Farrier walked towards Anderson heatedly, who kept his arms casually folded.

“Why don’t you find out first hand then Anderson?” he said quietly.

“Farrier I’m not calling the nurses!” Canfield called out, only half joking.

“Well old man Canfield seems to have a high opinion of you mate!” Anderson smirked,

“He was talking about a nurse for you. Anderson, I don’t want to seriously fight you, but I will if you honestly want it.” Farrier tried one last time. As much as he did somewhat want to teach the boy a lesson, this wasn’t the most professional way. Though, if it was what he really wanted, Farrier knew it would be a genuine example of a fight for the others.

“Don’t try and get out of this, I wanna test you, old man.” Anderson laughed.

“Class, this is how you fight.” Farrier said with a sigh,

“Move back.” he said, and the group shuffled back.

Anderson and Farrier faced each other.

“I’m not sticking to what you’ve taught us ya know” Anderson smiled,

“Don’t worry Anderson, neither am I.” Farrier almost smiled.

“I’m kinda concerned boys.” Wingnut murmured,

“Yeah, hope it doesn’t get too serious. That fucker.” Dawson said, visibly irritated at Anderson. Collins watched nervously, stomach in too many knots to speak currently. What if Anderson actually hurt him?

Farrier and Anderson slowly circled one another, and then Anderson made the first move, an attempt at a punch to the ribs, easily blocked by Farrier’s forearm, Anderson suddenly looked less confident. He kept throwing punches, all blocked easily, though Farrier didn’t hit back. Collins got progressively more nervous as Anderson threw each punch.

“Right, I’m tired of playing.” Farrier said as he blocked the umpteenth punch from Anderson, and he punched back. He hit Anderson in the ribs, who looked up at Farrier with shock in his blue eyes.

“Looks out of his depth now” Dawson smiled at Collins, who tried to smile. Farrier advanced on a still recovering Anderson and punched him again, in the stomach this time. He doubled over and held his stomach, trying to recover from being winded. Farrier gave him a chance to stand up properly, Anderson ran at Farrier with rage, Collins held his breath. Anderson swung his leg, aiming for Farrier’s gut. Farrier grabbed Anderson’s leg mid-kick and pulled it upwards sending the boy down on his back, hard. He dropped Anderson’s leg after the boy had landed in the dust. He circled him looking down disdainfully.

“Nothing I can’t handle, guess I’ll stop going easy on him ey boys?” Anderson said as he got up, his friends chuckled at his remark.

“Keep your guard up Anderson, if I were actually trying to fight you, I’d have taken that opportunity to attack” Farrier said,

“This isn’t a lesson mate, stop trying to teach me. I told ya to go hard, damnit!” Anderson laughed,

“That’s where you’re wrong, this is a lesson, I’m trying to teach you to be better Anderson, as much fun as this is, it’s still a lesson, at the very least it’s a lesson not to speak out.” Farrier said, Anderson rolled his eyes. Anderson punched again and Farrier grabbed the boy’s forearm before his fist could reach his body, he twisted Anderson’s arm, causing him to yell in pain.

“Farrier!” Canfield yelled. Farrier ignored it. He smirked at Anderson.

“Go on, try your best” he smiled, dropping his arm and opening his own as if inviting Anderson. The boy’s lips twitched into a smirk and he took another run at Farrier. Anderson tried to feign right but Farrier saw through it, he swiped both Anderson’s arms out of the way and brought his knee harshly into Anderson’s gut, forcing the boy backwards. He stumbled but ran at Farrier again, his skills and plans had gone out the window, now he was just angry.

“Calm down, I think we’re finished now.” Farrier said. Anderson tried to kick again but Farrier jumped back as Anderson’s leg swung through the air in front of him. It was too easy, Anderson ran yet again at him, with an open stance so Farrier took the opportunity to boot him in the ribcage, sending him falling hard onto his back in the dirt. Farrier knew it wasn’t hard enough to cause damage, but it was an easy stop to the fight. Anderson groaned and held his chest with one hand, the other up in defence. Farrier was done with this lesson.

“Farrier!” Canfield yelled again. Farrier eyed Collins once, and then walked off inside. If Farrier was honest with himself, he thought Anderson deserved everything he got. Canfield was too soft on them all.

Collins heard a clap, then a few more around him, he joined in, as did Dawson and Timson and soon the whole group was applauding Farrier, Collins’ heart relaxed a little.

Farrier walked up the steps to go inside as clapping and cheering began behind him. The boys were, congratulating him? For what? Hurting Anderson? Joining in for once? The cheering didn’t bring the slightest of smiles to Farrier’s face, and he continued inside.

“You’re alright lad, you’re alright” Canfield said as he helped Anderson stand, once he was on his feet he brushed Canfield away,

“I’m fine,” He said.

“Well then maybe next time you shouldn’t anger a senior officer, Anderson. He earnt his title, his medals, Farrier isn’t some decrepit teacher that can’t fend for himself. Well, I guess you know that now.” Anderson considered saying something in retort but merely scowled and walked over to his friends.

“Now class, that little ordeal is over now, I suppose I will conduct for the rest of the lesson! Back in your positions boys, we’ll go through the motions of each move and I’ll be checking to make sure you all have correct form.” Canfield smiled, hiding his anger at Farrier.

Farrier had to learn to keep his emotions in check. He paced around in his office before planting himself down in the seat at the desk. He knew he had to take a class after this, and he needed to calm down. He walked out into the airfield to the old hangar at the back. He sat in the grass and felt the cool breeze on his face. Farrier could have fallen asleep there if it weren’t for the impending class he had to teach and the impending lecture from Canfield he’d be getting. He considered himself to be a composed person most of the time, it was just that stupid boy Anderson. He was infuriating.

 

Collins walked into the classroom Farrier was standing in, they took their usual seats.

“Right. Firstly, Anderson, I’m sorry for hurting you, everyone else, I’m sorry if I alarmed any of you. It was unprofessional of me to have agreed to do that.” There was a silence after that, so Farrier continued.

“Okay then, onto the lesson. Just a bit more on aerodynamics today.” He said.

After class, Farrier was walking to his office to collect some papers when he saw Canfield. He tried to walk past without talking, but of course Canfield stopped him.

“Farrier, mind if I join you?” he asked without a hint of joy in his voice,

“Sure, I’m just going to my office.” Farrier answered shortly.

Once they were inside, Canfield shut the door behind them, Farrier looked over in annoyance.

“Now” Canfield said, Farrier rolled his eyes, he knew what was coming.

“You cannot fight students.”

“You said he had it coming yourself Canfield.” Farrier replied.

“I thought you’d give him a shove and that would be it! You kicked him to the ground!” Canfield said,

“He kept going, I told him to stop and he didn’t, I’m sorry okay?”

“Are you?”

“Yes, I apologised to Anderson as well. Although he asked for it, and you say I should join in sometimes but I get it. I _know_ it was too much.” Farrier looked at Canfield over the desk, Canfield sighed.

“Yes, you should join in, but I didn’t mean put on a show for everyone else and knock the living daylights out of one of our boys, I meant join the group and choose one of them who needs help and, well, help him!” Canfield said and added,

“I can’t do anything about it, it’s happened now, and yes he’s an annoying little bugger, but restrain yourself.”

“Yes Michael, I know. I stepped out of line.” Farrier said,

“It’s okay Tom, just don’t do it again.”

“Yeah” Farrier murmured as he picked up the papers he’d come for. He walked past Canfield and opened the door, realised something that lightened his mood.

“You know what’s happening on Monday?” Farrier smiled,

“No?”  
“They’re graduating from the cadet wing” Farrier smiled.

“Oh!” Canfield said, Farrier laughed.

“We haven’t prepared anything Farrier, we need to plan something!” Canfield began to speak quickly,

“It’ll be fine, we’ll sit down sometime over the weekend and think of something.” He smiled and walked down the hallway.

 

That night was gym night, and considering the warmth Collins wore his white singlet without anything over, something he supposed he should get used to doing in the warmer months. The boys did their usual workouts, and then practiced their fighting skills and kicks at punching bags. They got back and all agreed that they needed a shower. They were only allowed two showers a week, every other night had to be washing with a cloth and water from the tap. It was an upgrade from Collins’ house, in which there was no hot water shower, just a big bath tub that had to be filled with multiple buckets of water that had been boiled over the fire. Collins hadn’t brought anything in to change into after his shower, so he put his beige pants and white singlet back on with his boots. He walked up the stairs and saw Farrier in the hallway looking out the windows down into the courtyard they’d been in earlier that day.

“Hiya.” said Collins as he walked past.

“Oh, hello” Farrier said distractedly, looking at Collins’ exposed arms rather than his face. But when he did eventually look up, Collins’ strawberry hair was wet and hung over his eyebrows.

“I just wanted to say uh, yae donnae need to worry about what yae did today to Anderson. We all wanted to see it happen.” Collins smiled, Farrier was in a daze because Collins was a lot more sculpted than he’d imagined.

“Uh yeah, thank you. I just really hate him” Farrier said without thinking, Collins raised his eyebrows at the language and smiled.

“Well then” Collins chuckled,

“Did I say that out loud?” Farrier said as he smiled out the windows, not particularly caring that he had.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay to have favourites.” Collins said with a smirk as he walked up the hall to his room. Farrier felt himself go a little red at the comment, Collins better keep his shirt on from now on, he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): physical fighting 
> 
> Don't you love it when the Composed Chatacter™ loses their shit at the Asshole Character™? I do. Let me know in the comments what you thought, I love hearing from you all.  
> Until next week!
> 
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat!


	14. Of geography and biscuits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all. Uni is over for the year for the most part, thank god. A huge congrats to Mr Lowden for his win at the Scottish BAFTAs this year, I watched the coverage and it warmed my heart <3 Hope everyone likes this week's update.

Farrier spent Friday morning in Canfield’s office with him thinking of how to celebrate the students’ completion of the cadet wing. They arrived at the conclusion that they would not take them out because they both felt like they were supervising instead of having a good night last time they did it.

“Why don’t we just have the cooks make something really nice for them on Sunday night?” Farrier asked, leaning back on a wooden chair.

“Sure” Canfield said,

“Not like they’re getting their wings or anything” Farrier added,

“Exactly, doesn’t have to be much. I’ll have a chat to the ladies about what to make”

“Great.” Farrier smiled.

“Farrier do you have a class today?” Canfield asked, knowing the answer a smirk crept onto his face.

Farrier swore under his breath and quickly got up,

“Talk later Michael” Farrier called back as he jogged out the door, he was ten minutes late to his class.

“Where is he? He’s always in here before us” Dawson said to Collins,

“Dunno, I’m sure he won’t be much longer” Collins said, trying to stabilise the butterflies in his stomach. Dawson was right, Farrier was always early, not once had he ever seen him enter the classroom, he was always already there, was something wrong? Before Collins could answer that question the brunette walked through the doorway hurriedly. Collins visibly exhaled. earning a subtle sideye from Dawson.

“Sorry to keep you waiting class, I was in a meeting with the Wing Commander and we lost track of time. Anyway, we’re doing some mapping and directional skills for geography today, and you’ll be working in groups of three or four.” Farrier said and brought their attention to the worksheets he was holding.

“Easy” Wingnut murmured to the others, who smiled. The task was to find the quickest route through a course with several pathways, and to pass certain checkpoints. Surprisingly, Timson took leadership and did a good job of it. They finished devising their plan a few minutes before Farrier called time up.

“Right class,” he began to draw the map large-scale on the black board.

“Who wants to come up and show me which path they took and why?” he held up the chalk in his hand. A boy with hazel hair and a lanky build got up,

“Olivers, thank you.” Farrier held the chalk out. The boy took the worksheet with him and drew the path his group had made.

“Well done Olivers, although I would suggest…” Farrier took the chalk and made a few shortcuts to the plan,

“Ah, okay.” Olivers smiled and walked back to his group who laughed a bit.

“Next?” the tiny boy who Collins had to fight in physical education got up, he didn’t take the sheet with him. Farrier erased Olivers’ line and gave the chalk to the boy.

“Let’s see if Browning can show us the best way.”

The small lad drew his line, it was similar to Farrier’s version of Oliver’s, but had some different routes too.

“Yeah kind of, I’m not giving any hints away this time, but you’re getting closer to an answer.” Farrier smiled and took the chalk, rubbing the line off the map.

“Why does ours look so different?” Wingnut whispered,

“Dunno, it works though. Why don’t you go up?” Collins whispered back,

“Alright” Wingnut said.

“Can I have a go?” he asked, raising his hand for no reason, nobody else had.

“Of course Wi- Timson” Farrier nearly said Wingnut. _Idiot_ he thought to himself. He pursed his lips as Timson got up smirking to Dawson and Collins, the latter of whom received a glare from Farrier, probably something about it being his fault Farrier almost called him Wingnut. Collins smiled down at the desk. Wingnut walked up to the black board with the piece of paper in his hands,

“We did something pretty different,” he chuckled as he took the chalk.

“Ours was like” Wingnut began to draw,

“That” he said as he finished.

“That’s… Correct.” Farrier said as he studied the map.

“Very well done boys, who figured it out?” he asked back to the table, Timson cleared his throat,

“Uh, I did”

“Really?” Farrier smiled,

“Good on you Timson, well done boys, good team work.” Farrier patted Timson on the back as he walked away, invoking a small pang of jealousy in Collins.

“There were a few correct ways through, some more efficient than others. This one is the best, though I thought it might have taken longer for someone to get this.” Farrier said, and went on to explain why that route was the best.

“Well then.” Wingnut said as he sat. Collins and Dawson smiled at him, the tutoring was paying off, it seemed.

“So class, we’re doing team building exercises mainly because not all of being in the RAF is being by yourself in a plane, you must have good communication and interpersonal skills, though I have no doubts everyone in this room wants to be a fighter pilot. And even if you do make it to be a fighter pilot, which by the way most won’t end up doing, you still have many aspects of your job that require you to be efficient in explaining your ideas, like leading in formation, for example.” Said Farrier.

“Good communication and interpersonal skills like you?” Anderson laughed,

“Apparently so” Farrier held up his blazer sleeve and pointed to the rings on the cuff that indicated his position. Collins was seriously regretting hanging around that boy at the bar, he was a genuinely mean spirited person, especially towards Farrier it seemed. Class eventually drew to a close, and Collins was glad of it, he was becoming increasingly unable to tolerate Anderson and his sniggering friends, who somehow found humour in Farrier’s words even when there was none. Collins was red in the face staring ahead at Anderson as he left the class. As he was nearing the door he felt a warm, strong hand come down on his shoulder.

“Leave it, I don’t care.” Farrier said warmly. Collins managed a small smile between the anger towards Anderson and the nervousness towards Farrier’s touch.

"Yae but he shouldnae say things like that. You do have those skills, shouldnae let him talk to you like that." Collins huffed.

He must have imagined Farrier rub his thumb over Collins’ shoulder before he let go.

"I mean, I'm actually apparently hard to work with at times, s'pose being a good leader and being charismatic don't always go hand in hand." Farrier said,

"But you are charismatic." Collins blurted out, suddenly glad everyone else in class had left. Farrier chuckled,

"Glad you think so Collins, but I'm a different man in the air. Anyway, I was just trying to teach you all that you'll need to work with other people, if Anderson wants to make a joke out of it, he'll end up as ground crew for one, and for another, nobody will like him because he can't work in a team." the older man smiled, and Collins returned it before walking off.

Collins had been so tense under his hand, it was amusing how flirtatious he was but as soon as Farrier initiated anything the boy siezed up. Farrier had all but resigned himself to the fact that he fancied the blonde, a lot, though he still scolded himself for the fact. As long as he didn’t act upon it, it would be fine, he could think about it in his head, but he had to keep it there.

After all his classes were over, Farrier headed up to his room and flopped onto his bed. Somehow standing at the front of the class all day tired him endlessly. He also didn’t like being the butt of whatever jokes those troublemakers were making to each other, even if he’d told Collins he didn’t care, being laughed at wasn’t fun and Farrier hated not knowing why he was amusing to them. His only solace was Collins, pure innocent Collins. Farrier could have lay there thinking about him for hours, but he still tried to refrain himself for fear of making his urges uncontrollable.

Collins made his way up to his room, after a day of classes with Timson and Dawson he needed a break from their antics. Farrier heard Collins’ door open and close, he got a fuzzy feeling in his belly, for which he mentally reprimanded himself. He decided this was unhealthy, laying here thinking about him. He exited his room in search of Canfield. Collins heard Farrier leave down the hallway and suddenly sitting in his room became a lot more boring, simply with the knowledge that Farrier was not nearby.

Farrier went to Canfield’s office, he seemed to stay in his office rather than go straight to his room like Farrier did. Sure enough the older man was sat at the desk sipping some tea.

“Hello, Farrier, what is it?” Canfield smiled as he put his teacup down on the saucer.

“Hi, Michael. I was wondering how it went with the lovely ladies in the kitchen?” he lied, he wasn't wondering it all, he didn’t have any reason to be there.

“Oh, I haven’t gone yet, why don’t we go now?” he said and gulped down the remainder of his tea.

“Yes, let’s.” Farrier smiled. The two men walked down to the kitchen where some of the women had already arrived in preparation for the night, they all smiled as the men walked towards them.

“Hello ladies, how are you all?” Canfield said warmly, earning a chirping of answers from the kitchen.

“Yes we actually have a request for you” Farrier smiled at the head chef, who walked over to them.

“What can we do for you?” she smiled with red lipstick on her lips.

“Well our newest group of students will be progressing into the second stage of their education here on Monday, we thought we could have a special dinner for them. Possibly even hold it separately to the other men.” Canfield explained.

“Oh you two are so sweet. Of course we can do something, and we can certainly do it separately. Would you like the new students to come in before or after the main group?” She asked,

“First, don’t want the other group leaving dishes to be done and whatnot.” Canfield said,

“Of course Wing Commander. Now, what should we make?” the brunette smiled at Farrier and then Canfield, moving a wisp of hair from her face. She had white perfect teeth and rosy cheeks with dark brown hair pulled back from her face. She was every part a beautiful woman, Farrier knew she was attractive, not being attracted to her didn't mean he was blind to what he was sure every other man was swooning for.

Farrier turned to Canfield, having no idea.

“You can decide for yourself I think, your meals are usually delicious Ms. Downing.” Canfield smiled,

“Usually?” she jested,

“I’ll make it meat based so they can at least be full, perhaps we’ll be able to throw in a dessert or drink after” she smiled politely.

“That all sounds absolutely lovely, Ms Downing.” Farrier hoped his smile looked sincere, as much as he enjoyed the company of the kitchen staff his mind was distracted.

“Thank you, Squadron Leader” She blushed slightly as she always did when Farrier spoke to her, he was used to it. He continued,

“So this will be happening on Sunday night, I should specify. If the new students are to come before the other group, what time should they arrive here?”

“Well usually dinner is at seven, so I’d say have them here at five-thirty so we can clean up before the bigger group comes in.”

“Should be easy then! Better make it filling so they don’t go wandering about later looking for more!” Canfield smiled.

“Thank you so much for helping us with this” he added,

“Of course, my pleasure Wing Commander” Downing smiled,

“Though I must return to the kitchen, I’ve got some new girls on tonight that need a bit of direction” She said, looking anxiously behind herself into the kitchen.

“Of course. See you later tonight Ms. Downing” Canfield said with a smile.

“See you both then.” She smiled at them and then walked off. Canfield scoffed as the two men walked up the stairs to ground floor.

“What?” Farrier questioned,

“I think Ms Downing fancies you” he laughed,

“I think half the bloody kitchen staff fancy me Michael.” the two men laughed.

“How’s your little problem going?” Canfield asked casually,

“Which one?” Farrier tried to laugh.

“The whole Collins thing.” Canfield said as they walked, Farrier’s heartbeat sped up.

“Uh, well nothing’s happened, obviously, it’s just my thoughts that are out of hand.” he answered, choosing his words.

“Well, I suppose that’s all we can hope for.” Canfield said, Farrier felt slightly annoyed, he knew Canfield was trying to protect his position and his image, but hearing his interest in Collins so abruptly looked down upon was harsh.

Farrier walked up back to his bedroom, he looked down into the central courtyard from the windows of the hallway, he spotted the drinking fountain, and his mind reminded him of how nice it was when he saw Collins running water through his blonde hair. He stepped away from the window banishing the memory and continued to walk. He spotted a door opening, Timson,

“Hello Timson, you well?” he smiled,

“Hello Farrier, yes I’m good, and yourself?” Timson smiled,

“Yes I am well, thank you. Ah looks like we’re going the same way.” Farrier remarked.

“Might I take this opportunity to compliment your teamwork today, that particular map is interesting because every option through the path is similar, except for the most correct one which is very different, so well done.” Farrier smiled.

“Oh, thank you! I dunno, my mind just kind of saw it when I looked at it, you know?” Timson answered,

“Yeah I know the feeling. You like teamwork?” the Squadron Leader asked.

“Yeah I do actually, having people around helps me more I think.” He answered.

“It’s interesting, most men in fighter command don’t actually like teamwork at all!” Farrier laughed. Timson wasn’t sure if it was a good thing he enjoyed it after hearing that comment, and he vaguely realised they were nearing his destination; Dawson’s room, but before he could look at the door numbers properly to make sure, he was grabbed by the collar and pulled into a room with a yelp.

“Timson?” Farrier said in surprise, he backtracked a step to an open door from which he heard giggles, and saw that Timson had been grabbed and pulled into the room by none other than Collins, who was letting go of Timson’s collar as Farrier peered in, Dawson was standing with them giggling. Farrier smiled and shook his head, but walked on.

“Were you walkin’ with Farrier, mate?” Collins asked Wingnut,

“Yeah, he was walking up the hall same time as me” he answered, Collins supressed a laugh.

“What?”

“Well, kinda funny he's walkin' with yae and ya just disappear from next tae him!” Collins laughed, Dawson laughed too and went to shut the door.

“So lads, what’s it tonight?” Dawson asked, Wingnut held up the deck of cards, they played all afternoon and then took the cards to dinner.

 

The next day was Saturday, Collins only had one class so he slept in. he eventually rolled out of bed and threw some clothes on, went down to the locker room for a shower. He dressed himself again realising he had to be in uniform for class, and also realised he’d missed the scheduled breakfast. He sleepily wandered down to the small kitchen in his socks, knowing the dining hall would be closed, and hoping there might be some ingredients he could make something with. He found bread and cheese, could be worse. He sat in the late morning sun eating.

“Where is he?” Wingnut said as they walked around the halls,

“Dunno, wasn’t like him to miss breakfast” Dawson answered. They turned a corner and then spotted the man in question.

“Where on earth were you?!” Wingnut yelled down the hall to a confused Collins.

“In the kitchen?” he responded.

“Yeah mate, this morning we mean” Dawson said.

“Oh, in bed, I didn’t set my alarm clock” Collins scratched the back of his neck.

The two boys smiled in relief,

“Thought you’d done a runner” Wingnut laughed,

“Why would I do that, I love this place!” Collins smiled. At midday was about time for class. It was geography with Canfield, and Collins was slightly disappointed that he didn’t have any classes with Farrier. After class Wingnut went up to Canfield,

“Mr. Canfield?”

“Yes Timson?”

“I’m curious about something Mr. Farrier said to me yesterday. He said, fidgeting.

“Go on?” Canfield was slightly bemused the boy was saying ‘Mr.’ but he didn’t question it.

“Well he said I worked well in a team and that it was odd of someone in fighter command to like that.” Wingnut said,

“Well, he was probably just making an observation, he may have been implying that you may end up in a different division, ground crew or bomber command perhaps, because they work in groups more, but it was probably just a passing comment, lad.” Canfield smiled.

“Ah, so how would I get to a different division if I did want to?” Timson asked,

“Well as you progress through the levels here, we make decisions about which division you will ultimately end up in, many of these men won’t even end up in planes, there are a lot of ground control options too, more than you’d think. But if you continue to enjoy teamwork more than solo work, amongst other things of course, you may be sent to bomber command, at a different headquarters where you’ll hone in on those teamwork skills. After you get your wings you’ll go off to a different station and do a month or so of conversion training.” Canfield smiled,

“Hmm, interesting. Well thank you, I just didn’t really know what he meant, I suppose.” Wingnut smiled and began to leave.

“Of course son, Farrier can be rather cryptic at times.” Canfield laughed as Timson walked off.

As Collins walked to dinner with his friends that night, he realised just how much seeing Farrier could affect his mood. Even on a day without classes with him, seeing Farrier at breakfast and dinner was enough. Missing his breakfast viewing, Collins felt depraved. He stepped into the dining room and was surrounded with warm air. They took their usual spots, which to Collins’ annoyance was facing away from the leaders’ table, and began conversation. Collins didn’t pay much attention because he was trying to see through the waves of people to Farrier. Eventually Collins got what he was craving when Farrier’s table was called up first as always. He was the same as always, blue shirt that looked too tight on the arms in Collins’ opinion (not that he was complaining), dark pants, worried expression, but perfect. Collins soaked it up willingly, until,

“Who are you looking at?” Wingnut elbowed Collins in the ribs with a grin.

“Nobody, and ow!” Collins said with annoyance in his voice, he couldn’t stop the red that rose to his cheeks.

Collins glanced at Dawson who held a knowing expression, unnerving the Scot who looked away from him quickly.

“Alright then, if you say so” Wingnut said.

“Farrier, come back up at the end, one of the girls has something for you.” Ms Downing said to Farrier as he collected his plate of food.

“Does she now? Why not give it to me now?” he asked with a coy smile, looking behind the counter to who it might be.

“She’s a bit nervous I’m afraid.” Ms Downing murmured with a smile.

“Alright then” Farrier said amusedly.

Collins and his friends went up to get their food in due time, and Collins ate it quickly. He didn’t like being spotted watching Farrier, and the blunt way Timson had put it had Collins in a worrisome mood. He finished and decided he’d leave without his friends.

“I’m heading up, see you two tomorrow ya?” he said, trying to sound normal.

“Sure will, buddy.” Dawson smiled.

“Yeah. Hey Collins, I didn’t mean anything before, I was genuinely curious.” Wingnut said,

“I know, dunnae worry abou’ that mate” Collins fake smiled, but he guessed it looked real enough considering Wingnut smiled back and patted his shoulder.

“Bye lads” Collins said before wandering off. Farrier, who had missed seeing Collins at breakfast, and after not even catching a glimpse of him in the halls all day, was somewhat worried about the boy’s whereabouts until he spotted him at dinner. Farrier was mildly disappointed when he left abruptly, but he tried to tell himself not to be as usual. He finished his food, and began to stand,

“I’m gonna head up, I’ll see you tomorrow.” he said to Canfield next to him,

“Okay, see you then don’t forget to visit the kitchen girls!” Canfield smiled to which Farrier chuckled.

“Night lads.” Farrier smiled around the table,”

Night Farrier” one of officers said, another had a mouthful of food so he waved.

Farrier walked up to the counter again and Ms Downing saw him coming.

“Well, here I am.” He smiled.

“Oh, I’m sorry, she seems to be a bit too shy, Squadron Leader. Um, she wants me to give you these.” Ms Downing held out a packet of chocolate biscuits.

“Oh, that’s lovely. Come on, where is she?” Farrier chuckled. He was embarrassed but still felt humbled by the gift.

“She’s gone out back!” Ms Downing laughed.

“Suppose your secret admirer wants to remain a secret a bit longer” she added.

“Suppose so. Well, tell her I say thank you.” Farrier said,

“Will do. Enjoy your night.” The brunette said.

“Thank you, you too Ms Downing.” He replied. Canfield eyed the biscuits hungrily as Farrier left.

He walked out of the warm kitchen, up the stairs and into the cold corridor. He was genuinely tired, but was hoping to see Collins in the hallway. He wasn’t following him, he told himself. He was just walking the same way and happened to leave straight after him, not because he saw him leaving either of course, just coincidence.

 

Collins had made it up the stairs to the second floor but had become distracted by the courtyard out the window, it begun to rain. Collins ran a hand through his hair which kept falling forwards, the sounds of the rain on the windows was serene, calmed Collins from Timson’s earlier words. The blonde decided to go back to his room soon, before the rest of the students ruined this peaceful moment, he looked a few moments more, it was always so busy and stressful and hot when they were in the courtyard, they seemed to have the worst luck with the weather, he supposed most people thought a sunny day was good luck, but from the window in the rain it seemed so peaceful.

Farrier resigned himself to the fact that leaving dinner early in case he saw Collins in the hall was stupid and irrational and that he shouldn’t have done it. He walked up the stairs to the second floor, but then saw the young blonde in question, silently standing at the window looking into the courtyard, now Farrier felt guilty of following the boy, even though that’s not what he did, of course.

Farrier quietly crept up the remaining stairs, thanking the rain for masking his footsteps. He stood at the landing and watched as reflection from the rain on the windows made patterns on Collins' pale skin, illuminated by the blue light of the night. It mightn't have been that late but it was always dark early except in the height of summer, something Farrier quite enjoyed, as much as he also loved the sunshine. He walked a few slow steps towards Collins, but sensed he was about to walk away. Farrier quickened his pace and was a few metres away when Collins did begin walking.

“Collins” he tried to seem surprised sounding. Collins jumped and turned around with wide eyes.

“Jesus” he managed, Farrier almost chuckled.

“Sorry, suppose you didn’t hear me in the rain.” Farrier said,

“Ya suppose so” Collins smiled, his heart had nearly jumped out of his chest at the surprise of seeing Farrier so close to him.

“I was just heading to bed, I’m knackered. Think I'm gonna read.” the blonde admitted.

“Yes of course, I was heading up too, didn’t sleep too well last night.” Farrier replied, which was true, but not unusual. He began to walk past Collins.

“Oh, sorry to hear.” Collins said as he walked to catch up with Farrier.

They walked together in silent awkwardness for a few paces and turned the corner to their wing.

“Excited to be moving through the ranks?” Farrier asked,

“To the school of military aeronautics? Ya, a bit, it’ll be mostly the same won’t it?” Collins answered,

“Well, yeah I’ll be honest” Farrier laughed a bit.

“But it does get more difficult in terms of learning more about engineering and the like” he added as they walked, they had about reached Collins’ door.

“Well maybe I’ll be needin’ some more tutoring then.” Collins smirked and opened his door, he was only half joking. Farrier’s stomach lurched at his tone of voice,

“Night Collins.” Farrier shook his head and smiled at the floor.

“Night” Collins called happily from his room before he shut the door. That boy was a nightmare, Farrier thought to himself as he shut his door.

As soon as Collins got into his room his mind registered something that it hadn’t while he’d been talking to Farrier, did he have biscuits in his hand? Now Collins was hungry again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Honestly I wish there was more info out there about RAF training, but there's only what I've found. some of the classes sounded pretty fun, I would've liked the mapping like the boys did in this chapter tbh. Let me know what you all thought, in particular, the speed of the narritive. I originally began writing this for myself only, and then decided to publish it. Because of that it's VERY plot heavy and slow-burn, bc I like that, but do you? Let me know! And let me know if you want more of Farrier's point of view, because for some reason even though I love them completely equally, my writing decides to come out mostly from what Collins experiences.
> 
> If anyone wants to chat, my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com :)
> 
> See you all next Monday!


	15. The Harvard goes down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you're getting this week's chapter a day early because I'm busy this Monday. It's also longer than usual, hope you enjoy!

It was the end of May and today was the last day of cadet wing, Collins realised as he woke. Not that the next stage was particularly special according to Farrier, but nonetheless after today he progressed to the school of military aeronautics. He woke up in time to make it to breakfast today, which he was grateful for after yesterday’s disaster of a self-made breakfast. Today was cereal with fruit and a cup of tea. After everybody had finished, Dawson spotted Canfield walking to the front, looking like he was going to address the group.

“Looks like we’re gettin’ an announcement” he said, pointing his spoon to the man.

“Everybody!” he yelled, and held a hand up until the room was quiet enough to speak.

“I would like to ask that all cadets come for dinner tonight at five-thirty for a surprise.” There was an excited murmur,

“I don’t want to see any of you older students there” Canfield smiled, the group collectively groaned.

“That’s all, have a good day, men” Canfield finished.

“Nice” Wingnut said as he finished his tea.

“Ya, wonder what that’s aboot” Collins replied.

“Suppose it’s to do with us finishing in cadet wing” Dawson said,

“Yeah almost definitely, just wonder what’s gonna happen” Wingnut said.

The day passed slowly, there were three classes with time between them, but not enough time to do anything in particular. Collins was still slightly confused over the lesson plans, though he’d been there for months he wasn’t used to it. Unlike school, it wasn’t certain the lessons would be the same every week. They had a black board with weekly timetables for each section. It was usually the same, and they seemed to stay in the same class groups, but occasionally a class would change times, like today, leaving Collins with bothersome gaps in which he could almost walk to the sandwich bar, but not quite.

“What do we do?” Wingnut asked,

“Well, suppose we either find somewhere closer, not that I’ve seen anywhere, or we wait till after all our classes in which case our suspiciously early dinner won’t be far away” Dawson answered.

“We could check the kitchen” Collins suggested, the other two shrugged. Their efforts were fruitless, in Collins’ mind at least, because all that was there was the bread and cheese, some of which he’d used to make the worst breakfast he’d had in months the day prior.

“You two can, but A’m not eatin’ that stuff again” Collins half laughed. They did just that, so Collins went hungry while his friends at their cheese sandwiches.

“Like them?” he asked when they’d finished,

“Was alright, bit boring” Wingnut answered,

“Yeah, better than nothing” Dawson smiled. Collins refused to eat it, he didn’t like cheese by itself and the bread had gone hard.

“It’s nearly class time anyway, I’ll just have a drink of water. He filled a random mug from a cupboard with water and drank it quickly. It relieved some of the empty feeling, at least.

Farrier sat in the teacher’s chair eating his chocolate biscuits. As much as he appreciated being given free food, he hoped that in taking it he hadn’t given the wrong impression. He heard voices in the hallway and pushed the packet into a drawer, quickly finishing the biscuit in his mouth. He stood and walked in front of the desk, leaning back on it. Students began to file in, Farrier wanted to eat more biscuits. Collins thought he saw Farrier eating something, his stomach growled at the sight.

“Hello class, today we will be delving a little into engineering, as you all know this is your last day in the cadet wing, I’m just going to give you a small taste of what’s to come next week.” He explained. Collins internally groaned, he just wanted to fly already. He couldn’t concentrate on an empty stomach either, Farrier’s words blurred into a low rumble to Collins’ ears. He heard a plane taking off outside, he snapped his head to look. The American Harvard, Collins had seen it a few times out the window and knew which one it was. It was a brilliant yellow that glowed gold in the pale afternoon sun. it roared off into the sky, Collins sighed and looked back own at the desk. Dawson looked sympathetically at him and patted his shoulder while looking forward.

“Me too” he said, Collins managed a small smile. The lesson drew to a close, and all Collins managed to learn was that you need to know the engine of your airplane, and that they were often finicky. He had a blank piece of paper in front of him on which he was supposed to have copied what was on the board, which Farrier actually used today unlike usual.

“C’mon mate” Wingnut said, trying to yank Collins from his seat.

“Cannae, I need to copy that” Collins said, beginning to scribble down Farrier’s words on the page.

“Well I’m not waitin’” Wingnut said,

“Okay” Collins said with an air of annoyance, probably born from his hunger.

“We’ll probably be in mine as usual” Dawson smiled,

“Ya, I’ll see ya” Collins said, manically writing down everything he could, he spied Farrier picking up the black board eraser. He wrote faster, Farrier began erasing the parts Collins had copied,

“Wait!” Collins called forwards scribbling down the last of the information.

“Okay, sorry, wasn’t finished” he explained, standing.

“You had about fifteen minutes where that was on the board to copy, Collins.” Farrier smiled,

“I’m tired an’ hungry, I haven’t eaten since breakfast, and I got distracted by the plane” Collins admitted as he walked past Farrier to the door.

“Would you like a biscuit?” Farrier asked in a soft voice.

“What?” Collins was surprised at the random offering, Farrier realised it may have sounded a bit strange. He pulled them out of the drawer.

“One of the cooks gave them to me last night, I think she’s sweet on me.” Farrier chuckled, not because he was humbled, but because he imagined how distraught she’d be if she knew he was interested in men.

“Oh, yes please” Collins took one.

“Thank you very much” he smiled, holding the biscuit in his hand and his paper in the other.

“Of course. Take a few if you like, I won’t eat them all myself.” Farrier smiled and held the packet towards Collins.

“You sure?” Collins eyed them,

“Of course lad.” Farrier smiled at Collins who was positively staring at the biscuits in front of him. He took two more, no doubt for his two friends, Farrier thought to himself.

“Thank you again, Farrier” Collins smiled.

“You’re very welcome Collins. I’ll see you sooner rather than later, then” Farrier said in reference to the early dinner.

“I’m countin’ on it” Collins smirked as he exited.

 _Shit_ , why did he say these things? Collins was so happy he had biscuits, but equally frustrated that he couldn’t stop flirting, and was slightly concerned that one of the cooks liked Farrier.

Farrier had trouble believing Collins wasn’t having him on at times, surely he couldn’t be that stupid, or reckless, as to genuinely flirt? Of course not, Farrier told himself. What reason was there for Collins to feel attraction to him?

Collins walked up the stairs and reached Dawson’s room.

“Hiya, I got ma hands full” he said into the room, he could hear them chattering inside.

“Coming” Wingnut said, a few moments later the door opened.

“Want a biscuit?” Collins smiled and held up his hand with three in it,

“Sure?” Wingnut took it looking surprised but happy. He bit into it in the doorway and some spilled out of his mouth onto the floor.

“Careful you dirty bugger! Leavin’ crumbs in Dawson’s doorway!” Collins laughed and walked in, handing Dawson the second biscuit. Wingnut shut the door and joined them.

“So where did these appear from?” Dawson asked,

“Farrier gave ‘em to me” Collins smiled as he finally ate his biscuit.

“Did he now? Bit random” Wingnut laughed with a mouthful of his biscuit.

“Ya I know, he asked me why I hadn’t finished writing the shit down and I said I was tired an’ hungry, he had a packet in the drawer and offered me some” Collins said as he finished the treat.

“Fair enough, good man he is then” Dawson said, finishing the snack also.

Farrier walked back to his room, relieved he’d finished classes for the day. He saw biscuit crumbs outside Dawson’s door and smiled to himself. He picked them up and opened the window looking out over the courtyard and threw them down. Farrier shut the window and kept walking to his room. He lay back on his bed and kicked his shoes off. He fell into a light sleep to the faint sound of the Harvard outside his window. It was a light sleep because he then realised he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be there for the early dinner. He slipped his sheepskin boots on and padded around the hall to Canfield’s bedroom, hoping he wouldn’t be downstairs in his office. He knocked twice, and to Farrier’s relief there was an answer.

“Hello?” Canfield said,

“It’s me”

“Oh, come in” Canfield said. Farrier opened the door to the older man sitting having a cup of tea at the small coffee table in his room.

“I realised I hadn’t asked you, am I to attend the early dinner with the cadets or would that just be you?” Farrier hoped he would be attending.

“Of course you’re coming, we are their two instructors, it’s the other officers that won’t be there until the main lot arrive” Canfield smiled,

“Okay, thought I’d just check because I prefer to eat late and wouldn’t want to go for no reason” Farrier smiled and walked back to the door,

“Of course my friend. Do you think they’re all doing well?” Canfield asked,

“Most of them, yeah” Farrier smiled back.

“See you in a bit then” Farrier smiled, Canfield raised his teacup to Farrier as the younger man exited and shut the door. Now, Farrier thought, perhaps he could relax a bit. He went back to his room and took off his woollen blazer, he hung it on the door. He stripped himself of his light blue button up and looked at himself in the mirror. He supposed he wasn’t that bad, if he ignored his scars. He knew he was strong, broad chested, olive skinned, all good things in his mind, but he just couldn’t look past those scars. He sighed and turned away from the mirror throwing on a turtleneck jumper. He looked out the window as he heard a whisper of the plane engine in the distance, the yellow machine was flying back to base now. Farrier sat at the small coffee table next to his window, the same setup as Canfield’s room, on a low wooden chair. The clouds were rolling in and it looked like rain on the horizon, Farrier gave a small shiver as the cold seeped through the glass.

 

“So, question or command?” Dawson grinned at Wingnut,

“Command” he answered, Collins shook his head at the idiotic smile.

“Right, I command you to hang out the window for thirty seconds.” Dawson smirked triumphantly and crossed his arms.

“What the fuck, mate we’re a floor up! If I fall-”

“Well we got the bottle of booze still if you’re a chicken!” Dawson said, reaching to show Timson the bottle, who rolled his eyes.

“Any more specifics on this command?” he asked,

“Hmmm…. You can only have your forearms inside the window, rest has to hang” Dawson laughed.

“You’re not actually gonna do this are you? I was kind of joking” he added,

“Yeah I am, gonna show you I’m no chicken” Wingnut answered.

“We’ll be there to grab ya if yae aren’t feeling like yae can do it mate” Collins said as the boys rose to their feet.

“Thanks mate,. But I’ve got this.” Wingnut said as he opened the window. The cold wind rushed in, the sound of the plane outside got louder.

“Right. Here goes” Timson smiled as he sat on the windowsill. He lowered his body out and held on with his hands, resting his forearms on the windowsill.

Farrier was still watching the American Harvard, he noticed the trees on the outskirts of the field blowing around, something you always had to look for when assessing wind. He opened the window to see how windy it was. He hoped whoever in the plane knew how to land properly in the current conditions, because it was getting quite stormy. He was about to poke his head back in when he spotted somebody hanging out of one of the windows. His insides seized up.

“Hey you! Get inside the building, now!” he yelled.

“Fuck that’s Farrier!” Dawson giggled as he watched Timson hanging from his window,

“C’mon finish it! Five more seconds” Collins egged Wingnut on.

Farrier saw Timson’s face.

“Timson!” Farrier yelled across to the other window. Eventually Timson was hauled back into the room, assumingly by his two idiot friends, one of which he was sweet on, damn it. That didn’t make Collins any less of an idiot. Farrier sighed and shut his window. That needed a telling off. He shrugged on his blazer again and walked into the corridor, loudly knocking on Dawson’s door.

“Open the door, now.” Farrier commanded in a low voice, all three boys were nervous, none wanted to open the door but it was Dawson who ended up turning the knob.

Farrier walked a step in and sighed.

“I do not want to see that happen again. Do you know how worrying you three are?” Farrier said, no answer.

“I should punish you for something like that, but it’s your last day as cadets, I suppose that would just be too cruel. But please promise me boys, whatever game you’re playing, I’m assuming it’s a dare game of sorts, does not end in injury or death. No more dangerous ideas.” He said tiredly, Collins was looking at his sweater, not his face. He didn’t think a man as hard as Farrier could look almost _cuddly_.

“Sorry, Squadron Leader, it was my dare. We were playing Questions and Commands.” Dawson admitted,

“I expected better from you Dawson, if I catch you boys being so reckless again there will be consequences.” Farrier said sternly. Collins watched Farrier’s eyes, they drifted from Dawson to out the window. Farrier walked through the group to the window and leaned out, he was watching the plane.

“What is it?” Wingnut asked,

“I’ve got a bad feeling about the plane, it’s windy and it looks like the pilot is going to land with the wind behind them.” He answered. The yellow plane lined up with the airstrip and Farrier knew immediately it was going to land nose down, it was going too fast and it was coming down at the wrong angle, something only eyes of an experienced pilot could see. He sighed openly and stood up from leaning on the windowsill.

“I’m going to the airstrip, don’t think that plane’s going to land safely.” He said,

“Do you need our help?” Wingnut asked,

“No you stay in the building. I need you boys to go to Canfield’s bedroom, it’s the corner one after mine, tell him to get the other officers and meet me out there.” Farrier seemed calmer than he should have been.

“Is it going to be okay?” Collins asked,

“Yes yes, just precautionary” he said as he left the room. The boys briskly left Dawson’s room and Farrier had already disappeared around the corner. They jogged to the room Farrier described. Collins knocked thrice.

“Yes?” Canfield answered,

“Canfield, it’s Collins. Farrier needs your help.” He said, he really wanted to open the door but didn’t, it seemed more urgent than Farrier put on, he didn’t need to because a worried Canfield opened it seconds after.

“What?” he said,

“He needs you and the other officers on the airstrip, he thinks the Harvard is gonna land badly.” Collins said, he had a worried feeling in his gut.

“Okay, you boys go back to your rooms, it’s under control.” Canfield said, with the same air of very controlled emotion as Farrier. He scurried into his bedroom and held a button down in front of a microphone fixed to a desk.

“Officers report to the airstrip immediately.” He said into the mic, and then pressed a button to turn it off.

‘Thanks for your help boys” he said, implying he wanted them to leave, not being given a chance to answer as the older man walked quickly through the group and down the hallway, Dawson exhaled.

“I guess we watch out the window” he said,

“Guess so” said Timson, and they returned to Dawson’s room.

 _Shit shit shit_ Farrier said to himself. He ran down the stairs, through the hallway and into the change rooms, through which the door outside was. He exited into the cold wind and saw the Harvard still in the air. He ran into a hangar and grabbed two flags. He waved them above his head in the middle of the airstrip in the patterns to tell the plane ‘do not land’. The plane seemed to be ignoring them. Then he realised it wasn’t, the tailfin was moving but not doing anything, the wind was too strong. The Harvard was getting too close for Farrier’s liking, he ran to the side and saw Canfield appear with two of the other officers.

Collins watched with his friends from the window, he felt sick, the plane was heading straight for Farrier. Thankfully the brunette got out of the way with time, the Harvard touched the ground on the airstrip, and just as Farrier said it didn’t land well, went nose down. The nose hit the ground and scraped forward, pieces of the prop flying off. A plume of flames erupted from the front of the plane, Collins gasped and then swore.

“What do we do?” Farrier barked at Canfield,

“Can’t do anything till she’s stopped!” he yelled back over the wind.

Farrier watched in horror as the front of the plane scraped along the ground, the wind picking the tail up and thrusting it into the air. The front of the plane caught fire, causing Farrier to yell in shock. The craft ground to a halt leaving scratches along the bitumen. Without thinking Farrier ran towards the plane.

“Farrier the engine’s on fire!” Canfield yelled.

“The pilot’s still in there!” he yelled behind himself.

The three friends watched as Farrier sprinted towards the plane.

“What’s he doing? Engine could explode for god’s sake” Dawson said. Collins couldn’t watch it. He sat on the bed and rested his head on his hands, elbows on his knees. He shut his eyes.

Farrier reached the Harvard, damage to the nose was preventing the canopy from opening. Farrier clambered onto the wing and ripped the canopy open, allowing the pilot to clamber out. Two officers Canfield had brought with ran up with the firehose and the fire was out in a minute, a huge cloud of smoke taking its place. Farrier jumped off the plane and the pilot followed. Farrier pulled the flight helmet and goggles off the pilot, and saw that it was Miller, one of the better flyers from an older group.

“Miller” Farrier breathed, the blonde boy had wide eyes and couldn’t take his eyes off the plane.

“I’m so, so sorry” he managed. Farrier didn’t know if he should be angry or not, the plane could be repaired, it wouldn’t be cheap but it was possible. The boy was understandably shaken up.

“That was a very close call.” Farrier said, Miller just looked at him sadly.

“It’s okay, wind is a bastard when you’re starting out, I’m very glad you’re not hurt.” Farrier put a hand on Miller’s shoulder.

“Thanks. I’ll pay the plane expenses from my earnings” Miller said,

“No no no don’t be silly. It wasn’t your fault, I’ll be having a chat with the instructors because you shouldn’t have been sent up in the wind by yourself okay? It is not your fault.” Farrier said to the boy.

“Okay, but I am sorry, even if just for causing you stress” he said with big blue eyes.

“Part of the job, lad. Now get inside, get warm.” Farrier said and patted his shoulder again. The rest of the group that had been waiting to fly or had already flown peered out from a hangar. Farrier pointed in the direction of the main building and they all followed. The instructor of the group, Davis, walked up to Farrier to explain.

“You nearly cost a student his life, Davis.” Farrier said.

“I know, I understand that. The wind was not strong, in fact barely there, when he went up. It picked up quickly, ask any of the boys in my class they’ll tell you” he said very quickly with a wobble in his voice. Farrier was going to make a smart comment but held it back, and sighed instead.

“It’s okay. Just go speak to Canfield alright? You need to watch the clouds more.” Farrier said,

“Yes Squadron Leader.” Davis said and walked towards Canfield.

 

“Someone’s getting out of the plane!” Dawson said, Collins went up to the window again and watched someone climb out and run a few steps away from the plane as the fire was extinguished with a huge hose running from one of the hangars. The boys watched on as Farrier pulled the helmet off the pilot and began talking to him. Collins recognised the boy.

“That’s the lad that got angry at me at dinner once” he said softly.

“Oh yeah, bastard” Wingnut said. Collins watched as Farrier put a hand on the boy’s shoulder for a few moments, even if he was rude to him, he’d been in a crash, Collins thought Wingnut’s words were too harsh. After a minute or so Farrier sent the boy off and began talking to an officer who had emerged from a hangar with some students.

Farrier inspected the damage, it wasn’t as bad as he initially thought. Canfield appeared at his side,

“Not too bad I suppose” the older man said,

“Yes, looks like the fire was at the propellers and the front of the engine, didn’t reach the main part.” Farrier said.

“Set us back decently but I’m glad Miller is fine” he added.

“Indeed.” Canfield said.

“Let’s get the plane in the hangar, I’ll make some calls to get it repaired.” Canfield said. It took four men to push it into the shed. After which Farrier went back inside, it was only a bit until the early dinner anyway.

Collins was on edge, he was trembling and felt numb. He didn’t want to watch see Farrier in danger but he’d just had a front row seat. He was angry that the man would walk towards a burning plane, his stomach lurched to think what could have happened. Collins excused himself on account of feeling unwell and went back to his room but stopped at the door because his head was spinning, he wasn’t joking when he’d made the excuse of feeling sick. Collins couldn’t believe Farrier had been so reckless, running at a burning plane. It solidified in Collins’ mind that he genuinely cared for Farrier, which he wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing. He laid his back against his door and tried to slow his breathing which had quickened considerably. Collins wished his mind would be quiet, instead it was coming up with plenty of _what if’s_ for him to think about in regards to Farrier and burning planes.

Farrier trudged back up the staircase and walked along the hallway to his room, Collins looked like he was having a break resting on his door. As he got closer Collins looked visibly distressed.

“Okay there?” Farrier asked in a deep rumble.

“Not somethin’ I enjoyed seein’” Collins answered after a deep shuddered breath, beginning to open his door.

“Yeah, plane crashes aren’t pretty” Farrier said with a sad smile.

Collins wanted to specify that it was him in danger that he didn’t enjoy watching, but decided against, didn’t trust his voice to hold out anyway.

“See ya at dinner soon.” Collins said before closing the door behind him. Farrier walked back into his own room, checked his watch to see that he didn’t have much time to relax until the early dinner, to his annoyance.

A few minutes was all Collins got to spend on his bed before curiosity got the better of him. He walked to his window but the plane was gone. He went to sit back down but a knock at the door prevented him. He opened it to Dawson.

“Are you okay mate?” he said,

“Ya, didn’t like seeing the plane crash is all” Collins tried to cover his feelings with a smile.

“Yeah it looked terrible, lucky the boy was unharmed” Dawson said. Collins nodded.

“Can I come in?”

“Where’s Timson?”

“Said he wanted to relax before dinner” Dawson said, standing in the doorway. Collins relented and stood to the side, his friend walked through the door and sat on the bed. Dawson wanted something.

“What is it, mate? Wingnut’s right, dinner’s in a bit.” Collins pressed.

“Oh, not much, just thought we could hang out a bit more.” Dawson answered. Collins smiled and looked at the ceiling, Dawson definitely wanted something. The lanky blonde sat on the bed next to his friend.

“Funny how something can suddenly change your day, innit. Like, it was a kinda boring day for me till we saw that” Dawson said,

“Ya I agree, I bet even more for the pilot” Collins said.

“Lucky Farrier opened the canopy for ‘im, he saved the lad” Dawson said.

“That he did” Collins answered curtly, and looked back out the window. He could feel Dawson’s eyes on him, studying his expression, trying to work out if, if what? If he fancied his teacher?

“Collins…” Dawson began, Collins looked down at his hands in his lap and then his blue eyes met with Dawson’s. Collins was about to open his mouth to answer when the door burst open, making both boys jump.

“How do I look?” Wingnut said loudly. He was dressed in brown woollen pinstripe pants and a white button up, with a disgustingly busily patterned tie.

“Uh, good” Dawson said, Wingnut huffed.

“You do, but it’s just a dinner mate” Dawson laughed.

“Aw c’mon, man’s made an effort!” Collins smiled at Timson.

“Thank you” Wingnut said to Collins but looking at Dawson in jest.

“You guys know what the time is right?” Wingnut added, Dawson looked at his watch,

“Oh, we have to be there in ten” he said to Collins.

“Oh, clear out then both of ye!” Collins stood up and shoed them out.

“Meet ya in the hall?”

“Sure” Timson replied to Collins.

Dawson gave Collins one more look which seemed to imply he knew something, the something Collins seriously hoped he didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hope everyone enjoyed this one, let me know what you thought of it :)
> 
> As always my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if you want to chat!
> 
> This time next week I'll be on my way to the UK! Either the chapter will come a day early like this one or a day late if I'm too busy.  
> Fun fact, I'm going to Aviemore when I'm in Britain (I've been there before, it's lovely) so I do know my way around my headcanon of where Collins grew up!
> 
> If you're curious I'm also going to London, Nottingham, Edinburgh and Kingussie (small town in Scottish highlands, I've been to all these places before, I just love them.) While in London I'm seeing Jack Lowden's play Measure for Measure, pray for me I don't spontaneously combust when he gets up on stage lmao
> 
> Until next chapter!


	16. A special dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I arrived in London today, and went to see measure for measure!! Sorry this chapter isn’t very exciting, but nonetheless it’s new content right?

Collins almost just wore his uniform to dinner, but didn’t like that he’s gotten into the habit of staying in it after class time. He chose dark blue pants and a short sleeve white button up, somehow it looked similar to uniform anyway. Collins cursed himself for having such plain clothes. He had never felt the cold and seeing as it was getting to summer, decided he should start wearing his summer clothes, as few as they were, and the storm seemed a warm summery one anyway.  
Farrier wandered down the hall in his blue uniform pants, black polished shoes and turtleneck to Canfield’s room. He knocked to see if he’d gotten back from the airstrip yet, and the door opened to reveal he had.  
“What are you doing Farrier? Get changed, lad!” Canfield laughed, the older man was wearing brown trousers and a light reddish button up.  
“Is this not acceptable? I’m cold.” Farrier said defensively,  
“Just thought you’d like to put in a little effort!” Canfield said.  
“Fine, I was going to ask if you wanted to get there early but I’ll go change.” The brunette huffed, Canfield chuckled. Farrier chose a blue and cream soft pinstripe button up and blue trousers, distinctly lighter blue than the uniform so that Canfield couldn’t say he still looked to be in uniform. He ran a hand through his short hair and walked back down the hall, he opened Canfield’s already ajar door, holding his arms out for dramatic effect.  
“Much better, you scrub up well boy.” Canfield said, walking out of his room and closing the door behind him.  
“Not too bad yourself, old man.” Farrier chuckled. The pair began to walk.  
“I can’t believe that boy was sent in the air in this wind, ridiculous!” Canfield said  
“Yeah, the officer made the wrong call, it happens, at least he wasn’t hurt and the plane isn’t as bad as we thought” Farrier said.  
Collins and his two friends walked down the hall, he thought he could hear Canfield and Farrier somewhere behind him, but the blonde resisted the temptation to turn and look. The three got to the entrance of the dining hall and smelled something nice and warm. They took their usual seats, but there was nobody else in the room.  
“That’s odd” Collins said,  
“Well it can’t have been a joke, they told the whole group” Dawson said,  
‘I’m sure everyone’s just late, we’re still like eight minutes early, doubt anyone wants to be here any earlier than they have to” Dawson added, looking at his watch.  
Canfield and Farrier entered through the doors as the boys sat. Collins made sure to only look at them fleetingly as his friends did.  
“Don’t you dare” Farrier murmured at Canfield, who he could see was walking towards the boys, most likely going to sit with them.  
“Why? They’re just students, nothing special about any of them” He said to Farrier, eyeing him carefully.  
“Mind if we sit lads?” Canfield asked the group, Collins’ heart dropped. They all smiled to each other consensually,  
“Yes of course” Dawson said, Canfield sat on the bench opposite the boys, as did Farrier, who made brief eye contact with Collins before looking around at the others.  
“Sorry you men had to be involved in the incident earlier” Canfield said with a warm smile,  
“Ah we weren’t really, we just watched from the window” Wingnut smiled, Collins nudged his leg under the table.  
“Not that it was anything amusing to watch of course” he added, he was struggling to explain his point and Farrier could see that.  
“What you mean is, it’s the kind of thing you can’t bear to watch, but can’t look away from?” Farrier said,  
“Yeah that kind of thing.” Wingnut answered, noting the dark spin he put on it.  
Another group came through the door.  
“Taking their time” Collins said,  
“Yes I had hoped everyone might be a bit more timely, at least you three were” Canfield said. There was an awkward silence, all three of the boys felt somewhat odd sitting with their superiors, Collins was glad he wore short sleeves, he was feeling warm now, not to do with the temperature.  
Farrier tried his hardest to disguise his glances at Collins as general sweeping looks around the room. Did he have to wear short sleeves? It was teasing Farrier, he wished he could touch those arms but he wouldn’t, couldn’t.  
As usual, Farrier’s muscles were straining against the material of the shirt, Collins could feel his face going red so he forced himself to look elsewhere. More groups began to pool into the room in the following minutes.  
“So you are finding the work adequate I take?” Canfield asked the boys,  
“Ya, it’s interestin’” Collins smiled,  
“Yeah I’ve been getting tutoring from Farrier which is helping a lot” Wingnut smiled, then looked at Dawson to hear his answer.  
“Yeah I like the work too” he said with a smile.  
“Wonderful. And Collins, you’re getting tutoring too aren’t you?” Canfield asked,  
“Ah, I was but not anymore” the blonde smiled,  
“Oh, why did you stop?” Canfield asked,  
“Dinnae need anymore I suppose, just began to have less and less questions aboot the work” Collins said.  
“Fair enough, wouldn’t want you wasting Farrier’s time now” Canfield chuckled, Farrier feigned a smile. The room seemed emptier without the main group, but Farrier supposed most of the cadets were here now. He checked his watch and it was five thirty exactly. He spotted Ms Downing behind the counter and made eye contact with her, letting her know it was time to bring the food out. She smiled and waved, then disappeared back into the kitchen.  
“Now, who’s hungry?” Farrier smiled, at Canfield mostly.  
“To be honest, not really” Timson laughed,  
“Yes we thought about doing this after the main cohort but they would have had to clean the kitchen up after them and by the time they’d done that it wouldn’t have just been too late”  
“This should fill you up for the rest of the night though” Canfield added.  
“Well, not complaining then” Wingnut smiled at Dawson and Collins. The rest of the group was seated, more spread out than usual, taking up the whole room with gaps all around the tables, it seemed like Collins and his friends had been some of the only ones to sit where they usually did. They heard a bell ring from the front, Collins saw a brunette lady with red lipstick standing in front of the counter.  
“Dinner is served! Please form an orderly line men, and wait to be called before you come back up for more!” she said.  
“More?” Collins murmured to Dawson,  
“Yeah, sounds good to me” Dawson said.  
Collins was still hungry, the cookies tasted nice, but weren’t exactly filling. Maybe he should have taken the cheese sandwich. His stomach gurgled, and he held it self-consciously.  
“Hungry Collins?” Canfield asked hearing his gut,  
“Ya, I didn’t get lunch today” he admitted.  
“Oh?”  
“Well, my lessons were set oot in a way I couldn’t walk to the store in time to buy somethin’, but I donnae like cheese by itself, and all I could’a made in the kitchen was a cheese sandwich” Collins laughed nervously.  
“Sounds like we need to restock the kitchen then” Canfield laughed and stood up, the rest of the group rising after him. They lined up, Canfield first, then Farrier, then Collins, followed by Dawson and then Wingnut. As they got closer Collins saw what the food was, a plate of cheeses, assorted meats, olives and crusty bread. Could have been worse, but it was somewhat close to a cheese sandwich. Nonetheless Collins gratefully took his plate, noting how Farrier seemed to get extra big smiles from all the kitchen staff. They sat down again and began to eat.  
“Ladies did well, did they tell you what’s next?” Farrier said quietly to Canfield,  
“No not at all, surprise for everyone, including me” he chuckled and ate an olive.  
“So,” Wingnut said chewing a large mouthful,  
“Is the school of military aeronautics the same as the cadet wing?” he directed the question at both Farrier and Canfield, Collins smiled down at his plate when he saw a slightly disgusted look on Farrier’s face, most likely because of the enormous piece of food Wingnut had stuffed in his mouth.  
“Well, you will be applying the same concepts and techniques you learned in the cadet wing, to different and sometimes more in-depth questions” Canfield answered. Wingnut nodded in response. Collins didn’t think he would, but he was enjoying his food, and looking around the table, everyone else was too, save for Dawson who wasn’t eating his olives.  
“Dunnae like olives?” Collins asked,  
“No, too salty for me” Dawson smiled.  
“Mind?” Collins asked, not waiting for permission before stabbing one with his fork and eating it, earning a scoffed laugh from Dawson,  
“Be my guest” he laughed. Farrier smiled softly at his plate, it was enjoyable, though still nerve-wracking to sit here, but he couldn’t shake the crash he’d dealt with earlier. He must have looked obviously distracted because he got a nudge from Canfield.  
“What is it? Don’t like the food?” he asked,  
“No no, I very much like the food.” He answered, then leaned into the conversation,  
“Just what happened earlier with Miller” He said blankly. Collins tried to hear what Farrier was murmuring but between the general chatter around the hall, his friends’ (Mainly Wingnut’s) eating and Farrier’s habit of murmuring when not addressing a group, he couldn’t. The meal finished, and Collins was very glad they were getting more food.  
After a few minutes of awkward silence, the woman at the front spoke again.  
“Everyone may now come up to collect the main meal, we will collect your plates from the tables so please don’t bring them up with you.” She called. Wingnut raised his eyebrows while standing up.  
“What is it?” Collins nudged him,  
“She’s not bad mate” he said bashfully, Collins chuckled.  
“Bit old for ye” he said. Wingnut just smiled, making the blonde slightly worried about if his friend was going to do something embarrassing. Thankfully, Wingnut seemed to get too shy to do anything as he walked past the woman. They all lined up at the front counter again, Wingnut at the front of the group followed by Collins, and then Dawson.  
“Yer good at flirtin’ then” Collins mumbled, earning a light shove in the ribs from his red-faced friend.  
“Why don’ you show me how it’s done then pal?” Wingnut challenged,  
“If I did that with anyone I actually wanted to, I’d ge’ in trouble wouldn’t I Wingnut” Collins smiled blankly ahead. He heard a chuckle behind him.  
“Wha’?” Collins asked Dawson,  
“You’re sayin’ there’s someone here you’d flirt with?” he asked, catching Wingnut’s attention too,  
“Nah, not sayin’ that at all mate” Collins smiled and turned back around to receive his second plate of food, gammon steak and vegetables.  
“Now this looks delicious” he said to his friends as they walked back to the table.  
Farrier and Canfield had been separated from the three they were seated with on account of them sitting across from them and having other students blocking their way to the front, annoying Farrier. The two men sat back down where they were to see the three boys already eating.  
“They’ve put on a real treat for us” Farrier said to Canfield.  
“Yes indeed!” he agreed.  
Collins ate as quickly as he could, he was so grateful they were getting an early dinner because he wasn’t sure how much longer the sugar from the biscuits would last. Canfield hoped none of the boys were vegetarian, but on the other hand, the meat was so delicious he wasn’t sure he cared much.  
Farrier was struggling not to watch Collins devour his food, not out of attraction but sheer amazement of how fast a person could eat. He ate his own gammon and tried to focus on his plate.  
Collins finished his dinner and looked like he was almost panting from eating so fast.  
“Tha’ was so good, why don’ they make this more?!” he said to his friends, but Canfield answered.  
“This is a special occasion, Collins, we can’t afford gammon steak every week!” he laughed, Canfield chuckled.  
“So what do you boys do in your spare time?” Canfield asked as they ate,  
“Well” Wingnut began before swallowing his mouthful,  
“I play football, well I used to before I joined up here, been meaning to find a new club actually” Wingnut said.  
“Ah, why did you stop when you joined us?” Canfield asked,  
“Well it was a club that was for under twenty-five’s” Wingnut answered, earning a knowing nod from Canfield. Farrier was disinterested but was patiently waiting to see if Collins was going to pipe up about his interests.  
“And Dawson?” Canfield asked,  
“Ah, well I exercise regularly at the gymnasium down the street, but apart from that I’m quite fond of the outdoors I suppose, being active in general” he smiled.  
“What’s that accent, may I ask?” Farrier asked politely looking up for a change  
“You’re not from London are you?” he smiled, Dawson chuckled.  
“No, I’m from Weymouth actually.”  
“Really? Why’d you leave?” Farrier asked, smiling,  
“Well there aren’t any air bases nearby, and I dunno, I’ve always wanted to see what’s beyond my little town, so I did. I always write to my parents and little brother though” the blonde smiled back.  
“I’ve been to Weymouth, lovely beach there” Canfield added as he ate.  
“And Collins?” Canfield added with a mouthful,  
“Well before anyone asks if I’m from London or no’” Collins smirked, Wingnut supressed a laugh.  
“I uh, donnae really do much physical activity, ‘cept me an the boys now go to the gym and tha’ now every week because I was lackin’ so much” Collins blushed a little as he embarrassed himself but kept talking to hide it.  
“But yeh, my hobbies I suppose are drawin’, readin’ walkin’ aroond in nature, lot less of tha’ here though” he chuckled.  
“Ah, so you’re not from a city in Scotland then?” Canfield questioned,  
“No, from a wee town called Aviemore, just houses a few stores and a lot of greenery” Collins smiled at the memory.  
“Do you miss the nature?” Farrier asked with a softness to his voice,  
“Yeah, but flyin’ here makes up for it” Collins smiled but quickly diverted his gaze when he felt heat creep up his neck.  
The dessert was mince tarts with cream, and all around the table finished very quickly indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone :)  
> See you next week for the next chapter!
> 
> At some point I’ll write a review of sorts for measure for measure on my tumblr (s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com) but I’m too jet lagged rn. Have a good week all!


	17. After Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Owo what’s this, second upload in a week?? You’re correct!

After dessert, Canfield stood and the rest of the table went to follow,  
“No no, you lads stay seated, I’m just going to say a few words.” He smiled, Farrier looked uncertain but sat back down, looking over at Collins, whose big blue eyes were already looking at him, but the blonde quickly looked down and then over at Canfield walking to the front. Collins tried to swallow his butterflies, he loved how unpredictable Farrier’s eyes were, he could never really pinpoint what colour they were. Tonight, they were a dark stormy gunmetal colour, other times they were aqua, icy blue, sometimes they looked a little green or brown. Collins would never tire of looking into that man’s eyes, they were so everchanging he wanted to remember every shade.  
Farrier felt the nerves rising in his chest. He had to do better at covering his attraction, he could not allow himself to look at Collins because when he did he came undone, he melted in those baby blue eyes. He mentally punished himself for instinctually looking to Collins for reassurance, but those eyes… They were the brightest blue he’d seen, they were so full of life, perhaps that was why he loved looking into them he thought, made him feel something, made him feel more alive. When Farrier realised how deep his thoughts were he dragged himself back to reality where Canfield was hitting a tin mug with a spoon out the front. Farrier chuckled, Canfield amused him sometimes with his methods, the old man could have easily asked one of the kitchen staff to call out, but instead there he was tapping a mug with a spoon.  
It eventually worked, and when it did Canfield cleared his throat  
“Good evening men, tonight is your last night in the cadet wing!” he announced, followed by a small chorus of cheers and claps. Canfield continued,  
“Tomorrow you will begin your first day in the school of military aeronautics, which I have to tell you, is more of the same but more difficult” he said with a smile, the sentence was met with laughter.  
  
“But I’ll let you all figure that out on your own. Tonight, with the help of the absolutely amazing kitchen staff, expertly managed by Ms Downing” Canfield said, holding his arm out to the brunette which had appeared by his side. The room applauded for her, and a few wolf-whistles could be heard, Collins laughed at them.  
“We put on a little surprise dinner for you all, a graduation ceremony of sorts, if you like. Now, it must also be noted that for every stage you progress, the supervision and command becomes evermore rigorous. You will all need to wear your uniforms correctly and properly, hairstyles must be well cut and not dyed anything other than a natural colour, and failure to comply with any regulations” He paused and looked around,  
“Will result in consequences. Now that you’re in uniform your conduct, good or bad, is much more noticeable.” He caught the eye of Charles as he snickered.  
“You belong to a fine service, see that by your smart and airman-like behaviour, you do your bit towards enhancing its reputation.” Canfield said.  
“But, we are not here to talk about regulations and rules or behaviour, I do hope you all enjoyed your food, I certainly did. I hope you all get a good night’s rest, and we will see you in the morning, gentlemen.” Canfield finished. The room gave a polite clap as he walked slowly back to the table.  
“How was I?” he chuckled to Collins and his friends, Farrier smiled at the table in front of him at the question.  
“Good yeah! Motivating words, Mr. Canfield!” Wingnut said, Collins almost visibly cringed at his choice of words, they sounded fake but Collins knew Timson was being honest, just very awkward.  
  
“Ya, I’m excited to progress, and the food was amazin’ thank ye” Collins added.  
“Yes I was very impressed by what the kitchen produced, I hope there were no vegetarians” Dawson laughed.  
“I was thinking exactly the same thing my boy” Canfield said. Farrier began to notice groups leaving the tables and rose up himself.  
“Well boys, it’s been lovely sitting with you all tonight, but I’m going to head up now.” Farrier said, Canfield stood too.  
“You’re quite right Farrier, I best be getting out of the cooks’ ways, let them clean before the rest of the cohort get here.” He said. The two men rose,  
“Thanks for organising all this” Collins said, alternating eye contact between each of the officers,  
“Not at all, you’re all good students, you deserve a little reward” Farrier smiled warmly, genuinely. Collins smiled back, but then quickly directed his smile at Canfield,  
“Yes very well earnt, chaps, see you next week” Canfield said as the men walked away.  
Canfield and Farrier walked up the stairs together in silence until they were on the ground floor.  
“Why did you sit with them? Some sort of test?” Farrier asked,  
“Well, I suppose it was, not a bad thing is that?” Canfield replied defensively.  
“I’m trying to stop feeling anything for him, you sitting us across from him doesn’t help with that, Canfield.” Farrier said measuredly.  
Canfield shrugged quickly,  
“Well my apologies, I thought surely if we can get you used to being near him it’d work” he said, Farrier sighed as they began climbing the steps to the bedrooms.  
“I appreciate your efforts, but it doesn’t work that way for me” he smiled sadly.  
“Okay, I’m sorry Tom.” Canfield said, his blue eyes making eye contact with Farrier’s.  
“It’s okay, really. I’m just telling you because I’m open with you.” He said.  
“And I’m very grateful for it. They’d reached Farrier’s room.  
“Night, then” he said.  
“Goodnight, try and get some sleep” Canfield said affectionately as he walked down the hall,  
“Always do” Farrier called after him before shutting his door. He went over to the small basin in his room and brushed his teeth before stripping down to his boxers and laying on the bed on top of the covers. He was full from his food, and therefore should have been content but there was a tinge of irritation in Farrier’s thoughts because Canfield had sat them with the students. He supposed there was a bright side, though he tried not to indulge himself too much, Collins did look dashing, almost alarmingly so. The boy knew how to dress his figure, he gave him that, Farrier eyes slid shut as he pictured Collins in different clothes, the shirt tonight, the blue turtleneck, his suspenders keeping his trousers from falling from his slim waist, Farrier always liked Collins’ clothes, but part of him wondered what he’d look like without them. Farrier wondered if he had much chest hair, how muscular he may be, if he was well endowed. He wondered what his body would feel like under his touch, the warmth, the pressure. He thought about Collins’ lips, so pink and soft-looking. What he would give to be able to find out for himself, to be allowed to kiss those lips, however much he wanted, whenever he wanted. Then Farrier’s thoughts took a turn as he began to imagine what Collins’ lips would look like wrapped his length. The expression on Collins’ face, he wondered if he was practiced at that sort of thing, he hoped so. Farrier’s body had gotten warm from the thoughts, but then his eyes snapped open when he realised what he was allowing himself to think about. Farrier looked down to see a larger than normal bulge underneath his undergarments. He sighed and sat up, trying to ignore his semi. He couldn’t believe he’d just been thinking about a student that way, it should have made Farrier sick but it gave him a feeling somewhere between power and arousal. Collins wasn’t far over half Farrier’s age, he was so pure, so innocent. Farrier wasn’t sure if he wanted to preserve that or ruin it in the best way possible. He didn’t allow himself to choose an answer to his question, instead deciding he had to distract himself. The man dragged himself off the bed and found a book on his desk, Canfield sometimes gave him them hoping it would relieve some stress. This one was about different kinds of native birds. Farrier sat on his bed and began to read. There were nice illustrations in the book, Farrier focused more on them than the words. They were hand drawn, there was one for each bird. He was able to distract himself to the point of returning to flaccidness, but there was still the lingering thought of Collins on the man’s mind. Farrier checked his watch, it was eight-thirty. He’s been reading for quite some time and still couldn’t shake the thought of the blonde Scot. He tried smoking a cigarette, he leaned out his window and slowly smoked, trying to relish in the slightly dizzy feeling and forget about that troublesome blonde.  
  
Collins had stayed behind chatting with Wingnut and Dawson until they got shooed off by the staff of the kitchen, much to Timson’s embarrassment. They went upstairs but the boys decided to get an early night and not hang out in Dawson’s room for a change. Collins entered his room and lay on his bed with a full belly. After a few minutes of relaxation, he decided he would draw. He got out his sketchbook and pencil and looked around for a subject. He hadn’t had many chances to draw between classes and his overly social friends. Collins settled on drawing part of the airstrip he could see. He opened his window and kneeled at the windowsill resting his book on the edge. He looked out into the night, cloudy and dark and cold, but he could make out the shapes of the hangars. Then Collins smelled smoke, at first he was alarmed and stuck his head back inside thinking there was a fire, but then realised the smell was coming from outside. He saw a puff of smoke drift past from the direction of Farrier’s window. Collins got flustered and shut the window quickly.  
Farrier jumped slightly when the window to his left slammed shut. He hadn’t heard Collins open his window, and didn’t see him, Farrier continued his smoke trying not to think of Collins in any other way than a student.  
Collins then decided he would draw from memory. He began sketching the sandwich store he frequented, but wasn’t happy with it, the angles were wrong, the lines weren’t straight enough either. He turned the page and thought of something else to draw, something more naturally shaped. Like a person. Collins thought about drawing Farrier, but he didn’t want to mess it up, drawing him would have to be perfect, and Collins wouldn’t use that word to describe his skills. He settled on drawing plant life he’d seen around London. It wasn’t a good drawing night, the blonde decided, he wasn’t happy with a single one of his drawings. He flicked back through the pages. There was the rolling countryside of the highlands, some of the plants from his parents’ garden, a few objects from around the house. He shut the book and put it down on his desk, Collins decided a shower would get him warm and ready for bed. He was getting more comfortable around the base, it was beginning to feel like a real home. Because of that, Collins brought his blue and white striped pyjamas with him to the showers, not caring anymore if someone saw him in them.  
The shower room was next to the locker room on the ground floor. Collins undressed cautiously and held a towel around his waist even though there was nobody around. The hot water shocked his skin at first, but then then air around seemed cold and all Collins wanted to do was stay in the warm shower. He let the water wash over his skin and thought about what would come in the next stage of his training, he was excited at the prospects, but mainly Collins was excited at getting closer to flying again.  
Farrier tossed and turned in his bed as he tried to read. He couldn’t stop thinking of that stupid blonde. Maybe he should just wank and get it over with, but then again, he knew who he’d be thinking of while he did that, and Farrier wasn’t sure he was comfortable with that. Maybe, he thought, if he wasn’t comfortable with it, then it was a good thing, perhaps that meant what he felt wasn’t real. But deep down, Farrier wanted it to be real. He lazily shoved a hand down his boxers and held his shaft until it began to get hard, putting the book on the table. He began stroking up and down slowly and measuredly, his eyes slid shut and his head hit the pillow as he exhaled in pleasure.  
Collins stepped out of the shower and shook his head to get his hair off his face. The air was cold around him so he dressed swiftly into his pyjamas and socks. He managed a quick look at his torso in a mirror before shoving the pyjama top over his head with a shiver. He was beginning not to feel as self-conscious about himself. He walked over to the mirror to fix his hair a bit.  
  
Farrier had pulled his boxers off completely, he lay naked on his bed as he stroked his length. His breathing was heavy and deep and his movements sped up. He squeezed his cock tighter as he pumped, sending a new wave of pleasure coursing through his body, he clenched his stomach muscles in response and bit back a groan as he ran his thumb over the head, slick from arousal. He hadn’t done this in a long while, it almost shocked him how good it felt. He felt pressure building as he sped up, his movements becoming more erratic, his other hand gripping the sheets beneath him. But then he thought, what if it wasn’t his hand on his cock? What if it was someone else’s? He imagined it was Collins who was pumping up and down, and swore it felt better when he imagined that. Farrier squeezed his eyes tighter as the familiar tension began to build inside him. He knew it was wrong, but it felt so good he couldn’t stop. He kept pumping until, his torso began throbbing with pain.  
“Fuck” Farrier breathed as he sat up, half in annoyance and half genuine worry for himself. He let go of his dick and held a hand to the scar across his torso. He became flaccid within a few minutes of sitting still in anxious wait with his hand on his stomach. Maybe he should tell Canfield, maybe not, he’d worry too much. Farrier felt something wet on his finger, he looked down to see a small amount of blood coming from the scar. He moved his fingers tentatively around the spot until he found what he was looking for. Something sharp feeling poking out of his skin. He tugged at it and gasped at the sudden pain. And it was turning out to be such a good wank too. He gripped the tiny spike and slowly pulled it out of his stomach. It was small, only an inch or so long. A piece of shrapnel. Farrier was annoyed more than anything. With a groan he put it on a handkerchief on his bedside table and swung his legs off the bed. The cut was already clotting but it hurt to pull the metal out. He was annoyed that he’d let himself think about Collins, and decided it was because he'd gone too long without sex and was desperately trying to think of something. Farrier put some warm clothes on, wincing as his jumper slipped over his torso, he intended to go somewhere he hadn’t gone since before he lay eyes on Collins the day he walked into the base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this one, the chapter before it was a bit bland so I hope this one tickled your fancies. See everyone next Monday!
> 
> If you ever want to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com
> 
> Until next time, happy reading :)


	18. James’ Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upload Monday again? Boy that was quick, I’m currently in the Scottish highlands, I always love it here, it’s one of the most beautiful places I’ve been. Probably why I thought Collins would have grown up here.
> 
> This chapter is basically pure smut.

The Scot walked into the hallway remembering that it was nearly his birthday, he’d been so caught up in classes and schedules that he barely knew what month it was, it was only because he knew the cadet wing was for two months that he realised it was nearly June. Walking up the stairs, he couldn’t even recall telling Wingnut or Dawson when his birthday was. But it was like that here, he was good friends with them but still didn’t know much about their personal lives, he supposed it was a good thing. Collins rubbed the cold end of his nose and tried not to make the wood squeak beneath his socks. He wished he had a watch, he guessed it was around eight, but would have to wait till he could see his clock in his room to know for sure. He rounded the corner and saw Farrier exiting his room.  
“Hiya,” Collins said quietly as they passed, suddenly feeling like he shouldn’t have worn his pyjamas back to his room.  
Farrier’s heart skipped a beat and he barely heard the blonde’s soft ‘hiya’ as they walked past each other.  
“Evening Collins,” he smiled, but inside felt like doing anything but, after having such thoughts about that exact boy not minutes before, Collins wasn’t the first person Farrier wanted to see.  
“Headin’ oot?” the Scot asked,  
“Uh yeah.” Farrier answered and continued walking, he turned back,  
“Nice pyjama,s” Farrier smirked, Collins blushed but chuckled as he walked back to his room.

  
_Fuck_ Farrier said to himself, how did Collins have that effect on him? Even when he didn’t want to see the boy, he still made him happy. Even just thinking about him made Farrier happy, and that was worrying to the man. _Don’t get familiar _he repeated to himself, but he somehow knew it fruitless. He’d never let himself get this invested before, he knew what road he was walking down.  
Collins entered his room, slightly embarrassed at the pyjamas comment. He checked the clock, eight-thirty, not a bad guess. He clambered into bed and tried to draw again, but fell into a light doze halfway through a sketch of his clock.__

____

  
Farrier slammed his car door and began to drive. Sometimes he just didn’t have the patience for the train, and it wasn’t like he had anything else to spend his money on besides bad habits like alcohol. He’d bought the thing only a few years ago, used it a decent amount when it was new, but work got in the way of going on pleasure drives. It was a black Aston-Martin, and Farrier, although aware he didn’t need it, enjoyed being the owner of a car. It was getting less special as the years went on, more and more people were getting them, but he supposed everything lost its novelty eventually. He drove from Gatwick into the heart of London and parked down an alleyway. He stepped out into the cold air and walked into a run-down bar. He walked up to the counter,  
“Men’s room?” he asked sliding a coin towards the barman, who knew what he was asking,  
“Of course, let me get the door for you.” he said. Farrier followed the man down some stairs and he unlocked a door and walked off. The pilot opened the door and closed it behind him, and was greeted by the familiar smell of arousal in the air. He couldn’t count how many times he’d been here. He lost his virginity within the confines of this place, and had been back many times since whenever he was bored. Wasn’t like there was another way for him to get laid. It wasn't infamous like some of the gay brothels in London, it was secret, tucked away and completely unknown, how in Farrier's eyes they all should be. It was risky to be an infamous brothel, for obvious reasons. He walked through a short entryway and into a dimly lit reception lounge. A man dressed in a bright purple blazer squinted through a haze of smoke he’d blown in front of himself.  
“My god, is that you old man?” he said in a squawky voice, Farrier chuckled,  
“That it is, James” Farrier leaned an arm on the counter.  
“How long has it been love? Over two months! What’s gotten into ya?” James asked,  
“Ah just been busy with work and that, hard to find the time to come down here.” Farrier smiled. He did almost miss this place, but seeing Collins virtually every day made up for it.  
“I understand that yeah, busy days my friend, we’ve had plenty of customers to keep us afloat anyway!” the odd weaselly man laughed, Farrier gave a huff of a laugh and looked around the room to the multiple closed doors.  
“Lookin’ for anyone in particular tonight Tommy?” James asked,  
“Ah not really, doubt I know any of them, you get a big turnover no?” Farrier asked,  
“Yes this is true, well what kind of mood are you in?” the man asked, continuing to smoke his cigar.  
“I don’t know,” Farrier said, looking at the counter. James put his cigar out in an ashtray.  
“What is it?” he said lowly,  
“What’s what?” Farrier looked up,  
“You used to waltz in here, knew exactly what you wanted, you’d beam as you walked through that door.” James said, pointing to the door Farrier had entered through. Farrier breathed out deeply through his nose.  
“C’mon Tommy, you’ve been coming here for years, what’s got ya down?” James pushed, Farrier relented.  
“There’s someone,”  
“Oh!” James interjected,  
“Someone I can’t be with.” Farrier continued as James’ face became concerned,  
“But I cannot help but like them. I’m here because…” he couldn’t think of what to say.  
“I know why you’re here, lad. And I have just the bloke for you.” James said.  
“Oh yeah?” Farrier lifted his head,  
“Sounds to me like you need a little reminder, perhaps a wakeup call.” James mused. Farrier smiled a little,  
“Honestly I’ll take anything to get this man off my mind.” he almost laughed.  
“His name is Leo, you’ll have fun with him,” James said blatantly.  
“Alright, how much?” Farrier asked uncomfortably.  
“Ah for you, I’ll do four pounds as a welcome back.” The man smiled. Farrier pulled the money from his pocket,  
“You always carry so much cash around, what if you get mugged boy?” James laughed,  
“Eh, doubt that’ll happen.” Farrier chuckled.  
“Suppose that’s true also. Now you don’t mind waiting a bit? Leo has a guest already.” James said,  
“Not at all, not like I’ve got anywhere to be.” Farrier smiled and took a seat on a couch against the wall. It was only about five minutes that Farrier had been seated, he couldn’t stop picturing Collins, so innocent, but he was so mischievous and flirtatious, maybe he was darker than he let on, Farrier’s stomach churned at the thought.  
“Never pictured you for the touchy-feely type Tom.” James said softly to him from behind the counter.  
“Neither did I,” Farrier replied sadly.

Collins lay in bed, proud of his drawing of the clock, it looked quite realistic, to him at least. He looked at his hands, both had silver smudges from his pencil. Begrudgingly Collins got out of bed, slid his socks back on and went for a walk to the bathrooms to wash his hands, taking his toothbrush and toothpaste with too. He padded down the stairs, quickly brushed his teeth and washed his hands in the cold water, and walked back upstairs with hands rubbing together in an attempt to warm them after the shock of the water temperature. He checked the clock when he got back in his room, nine-forty. He knew he should get to sleep soon, he’d caught a glimpse of the new week’s roster and he had to be up early the next day so he turned the dim lamp off and tried to get some rest.

  
Farrier’s head snapped up from his thoughts as a door opened and a lanky man with messy brown hair stepped out, gave a curt nod to James and left to go back up to the bar. The door shut again,  
“I’ll go let him know he’s got another guest.” James said as he stepped out from behind the desk and up to the door. James knocked and Farrier couldn’t see Leo, but he saw James looking up at someone, though it was something which usually happened with James’ short stature so that didn’t say much. The owner of the brothel closed the door with a nod,  
“He said he’s ready when you are, good man.” James laughed.  
“Ah, that’s good of him,” Farrier said getting up,  
“thanks for the discount,” he said and patted James’ shoulder as he walked past.  
“Not too long okay?” James called after Farrier,  
“Yeah yeah,” he said back. Farrier opened the door slowly,  
“Come in,” a husky voice said. Farrier stepped in to see a tall and well-built man with dark blonde hair pouring himself a drink at the bedside table. Farrier closed the door.  
“Leo.” Farrier said,  
The man’s green eyes glinted as he took a sip.  
“That’s me,” he said,  
“Drink?” he offered Farrier, how could he refuse that?  
“Sure,” he said and poured a glass, the two men sat next to each other on the bed, Leo’s shirt was untucked and the top button was undone revealing golden hair on his broad chest.  
“Got a name?”  
“Uh, you can call me Tommy, s’what most seem to.” said Farrier, downing his drink and putting the glass back on the bedside table, Leo followed suit.  
“So what brings you here, Tommy?” the man asked, sliding a hand onto Farrier’s thigh and squeezing a little. Farrier sat up straighter at the touch, he’d almost forgotten what it was like doing this.  
“To be blunt, reckon I’m getting too soft, James said I need a wake up call.”  
“I think we can do that,” he smirked, moving to take kiss Farrier, but he stood up.  
“Let’s just get it over with yeah? he said, taking his jumper off and throwing it on the ground.  
Leo looked a little shocked but pleased with the gesture.  
He also began removing his own clothes, first slacks, then shirt. He was well-sculpted, with golden skin and hard muscles. Farrier soaked it all in, for once not having to stop himself from looking at another man.  
“You a war veteran?” Leo asked,  
“Yeah, how’d you know” Farrier almost laughed as he removed his trousers, revealing a bulge under his boxers, Leo did the same, and Farrier was quite happy with what he could make out under the fabric.  
“Scars tell,” Leo said ominously,  
“Don’t worry, I can go easy.” the man said quietly as he stepped closer to Farrier, who challenged him with his eyes,  
“Or can you take it?” Leo continued. Farrier’s eyes were dark with excitement. He pushed Leo in the chest hard and the man fell back onto the bed with a look of surprise. Farrier climbed on top of Leo and pressed their bodies together. Leo looked a little uncertain of the situation but Farrier didn’t care. He leaned in and breathed hotly on the man’s neck, he felt Leo tense under him and as he gently squeezed the outline of the man’s cock. Suddenly Farrier was pushed into a sitting position. He gave Leo a look of annoyance,  
“I’m not getting paid to be fucked, I’m getting paid to fuck.” He said and flipped Farrier onto his back and before he could react Leo trailed a hand down Farrier’s torso to where the band of his boxers lay. Leo smirked as he grabbed Farrier’s cock through the material, Farrier tried not to let out a hiss as the man above him squeezed. Leo moved Farrier’s boxers off with one pull leaving him exposed completely. The men locked eyes, both dark with lust before Leo descended on Farrier’s length. The brunette let out a gasp followed by a whispered “Fuck” as Leo wrapped his lips around him and sucked. The man chuckled sending vibrations through Farrier’s body. It had been so long since he’d felt the touch of another man, he wasn’t sure if Leo was especially good or if it was just that he’d forgotten the feeling. Whatever it was, Farrier was glad the rooms were well sound-proofed with insulation. Leo’s lips moved down the shaft of his cock until he had swallowed it to the hilt, Farrier arched off the bed as he groaned, this man wasn't waiting for anything. Leo looked up at him devilishly as Farrier moved into a sitting position with one hand on the mattress behind him and the other on the back of Leo’s head. The blonde began to bob his head and Farrier bit back another moan but let his head fall back. He had to stop this, he had to be in control. He pulled on Leo’s hair until his cock slid out of his mouth, Farrier let go of the blonde’s hair and tried to manoeuvre him to be underneath him. Leo chuckled,  
“I told you Tommy, I get paid to fuck” he said plainly, and forcefully shoved Farrier down onto his elbows and knees.

 "Please, I need this Leo. If you can't give me what I want I'm going to walk out," Farrier panted. He needed control.

  
Leo looked at him, he seemed disappointed, but behind his eyes Farrier could see a look of understanding.  
  
"Its okay Tommy. We all need things, and you're too good a lay for me to let you wander off into another room, tell you what. Stay here," he said, and then he lay himself out on his back,  
"And I'll let you lead me. James said you're his old friend anyway, so, have me." Leo said darkly. It seemed he was willing to give up the position of power for the right man.  
  
"Versatile," Farrier said, surprised.  
  
"Yes, which I'm sure you're pleased about,"  
  
Farrier didn't answer with words, but a look in his eyes, and he saw the man’s cheeks redden slightly. Farrier could feel heat in his own face. He broke the intimate stare as he moved his hand onto the man’s body, it came to rest just short of his length. He slowly lowered his head closer to Leo’s length, looking up at the man again. All the notice Leo got was a small smirk with blue eyes darkened from arousal before Farrier’s tongue slid out of his mouth and licked up the length of his cock. Leo’s head fell back against the pillow as Farrier reached the head. He hummed against the length in his mouth, it had been too long. Painstakingly slowly he moved his lips down the shaft, licking the underside of Leo’s length as he went, eliciting moans and gasps from the man. Farrier took the entire length down his throat, resisting the urge to gag and he thought had it really been that long? He went down again, and a third time, the man before him almost writhing with impatience. With a particularly hard suck, he let Leo’s dick fall from his mouth and he sat back to admire how easy it was to turn the tables. He pulled Leo into a sitting position with his arms, the man followed blindly. He turned Leo around and shoved him onto all fours. Farrier ran a strong hand up the man’s back and to his neck, pushing downwards until his head was on the pillow and he was down on his elbows, he could hear hot pants from the man's mouth and Farrier growled in anticipation.

After a few pumps of himself in his own hand he rubbed the head of his member along the crease of Leo’s arse, he felt the man tense underneath him. Farrier spotted the petroleum jelly jar wedged between the end of the mattress and the wooden foot of the bed. He stuck two fingers in and coated himself with it. With the remainder on his fingers he rubbed the bundle of nerves at Leo’s core, heard him inhale sharply, and pushed one finger in. Leo gave a satisfied hum, and once the second finger entered, Farrier saw his hands grab the sheets. He missed this feeling, skin on skin, it’d been way too long, he hooked his fingers towards Leo’s belly and caressed the wall of his most sensitive spot, Leo hissed under his breath.   
Farrier couldn’t help but smirk.   
He missed this feeling of power. He rubbed small circles on the soft skin, Leo writhed beneath him and let out several small gasps. Farrier pulled his fingers out and placed his hands on either side of Leo’s arse, the man obediently lowering his back down in anticipation. Farrier was in control, and that was the thought on his mind as he pushed his length into the man below him. The brunette let out an exhausted groan as he entered, it was so incredibly tight and warm, it was near impossible not to thrust hard straight away. He let his eyes close as he slowly sunk in to the hilt and then tried to push in some more. Leo’s head was turned to the side on the pillow and Farrier could see his mouth open in a silent moan. Farrier slid out almost to the head and thrust in again, both men groaned in unison. Farrier opened his eyes again to watch himself slide in and out of another man for the first time in a long while, and the sight drove him mad with lust. He couldn’t control it any longer, he had to speed up or he’d explode.   
Suddenly, Collins was on his mind. Farrier was thrown out of sync for a moment as the lanky blonde passed through his thoughts, but the pleasure soon became too much for him to be distracted by anything. As much as there was some residual guilt because of Collins, Farrier needed this.   
“Fuck,” he breathed as he finished, the ordeal having been peppered with Collins entering Farrier's mind, he was glad it was over if he was honest. The man eventually let go of Leo and sat down.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure what the general consensus will be for this chapter, was it good or bad for Farrier to have gone out? Wonder, if Collins knew how he would feel. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed the chapter, feel free to leave comments, I always read/reply!
> 
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat.
> 
> Until next week!


	19. Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed upload Monday by 24 hours I’m sorry. I haven’t had internet for days but I’m back now! Hope everyone is having a good festive season.

“Well,” the blonde said, sitting down a little more carefully than usual.  
“Thank you.” was all Farrier said quietly as he put his boxers on.  
“I've not done that in a long time, but if I helped you, then I'm glad.” Leo said as he slowly rose and picked up his own clothes.  
“I think it helped, at least in the short term.” Farrier replied,  
“Well, I might as well give you something for your trouble Leo.” Farrier said, pulling some coins from his trouser pocket and putting them on the bedside table.  
“Oh, thank you but I don’t need them,” Leo smiled as he threw on a shirt.  
“Neither do I, keep them. I needed tonight, I really did." Farrier said plainly.  
“Thanks, and you know, I wouldn’t mind doing business again with you Tommy.” Leo smirked as Farrier finished dressing himself, he smiled but didn’t answer the statement right away.  
“I won’t promise anything.” Farrier murmured as he left the room.  
Walking out into the haze that was the reception, Farrier made out James’ hunched over figure at the desk.  
“Now, how did you like that?” James asked,  
“Uh, yeah. It was good,” Farrier said quietly,  
“He's interesting, Leo. I'm glad it worked out with you and him.” James said,  
“Here,” Farrier pulled out some more coins.  
“Why the extra?” James asked, but took the coins anyway.  
“As a thank you, I needed to come here tonight, I'm just glad you're still here running this joint.” Farrier gave a small smile.  
“He let you be the top I assume?” James asked,  
Farrier hummed in agreement, James often asked too much about his sexual encounters, he was used to it.  
“Ugh, you never give me anything! No juicy pieces that I can pick apart!" James laughed. Farrier huffed, he was a very strange man.   
“He liked it,” Farrier said in a quieter voice, satisfying the small man at the desk.  
“See you soon then?” James asked,  
“Don’t know, but thank you James.” Farrier answered, opening the exit door.  
“Of course Tommy, you know where we are,”

  
Collins’ attempt at sleeping lasted twenty minutes before he was out of bed drawing again, so much for washing his hands. He didn’t know what the time was, but he knew he’d been up for more than an hour, maybe even two. He’d been in the hallway looking out the window opposite his door into the courtyard for some time now, he was drawing the stars, and the clouds covering some of the sky. He needed to work on his straight lines and structures, so Collins was drawing the top of the building he could see out of the window across the courtyard as well.

As Farrier got into his car to drive back, he began to feel empty again. It was the reason he stopped going to these places, they never made him feel any better apart from the immediate high of orgasm. He felt no more relaxed, no more whole than usual, and now he felt like Collins knew, even though he couldn't possible, he felt like he already knew what had happened and that everything would be bad now. It was late at night and he was cold. There was a brief thought of how strange the weather was, stormy and windy and now dead and cold. Guilt mixed in with empty feelings was awful. Farrier couldn’t help but think he shouldn’t have done it at all, as much as he knew it was what he needed. He had no actual connection to the Collins, Farrier didn’t even know for sure the blonde fancied him, but he still felt like he’d gone behind Collins' back tonight. He knew it was stupid, but the feeling would not go away as he drove in the still, cold night.

  
Collins’ drawing was going well, not as well as the clock but it was okay. As he stood in his pyjamas and socks he thought about Farrier, what would he think of the drawings? Would he ever see them? Probably not, the blonde thought. Thinking of the man made him happy, and somehow Collins wasn’t all that worried about his stupid habits of flirting, he had some idea of what was going on and knew he’d get at least a warning if he was going far enough to be expelled, not that he thought it likely at all. Collins chuckled at his own confidence, he’d been so nervous and told himself he’d be so careful not to do anything that might end this run with the RAF like last time, yet here he was unable to contain himself around a man twice his age. It partially annoyed Collins that the flirtatious sentences and glances came from him mostly without it registering before it had already been done, but then again he was fine so far.

  
Farrier parked his car around the side of the base and got out into the cold air. He checked his watch, eleven-twenty. Not too bad and certainly earlier than he thought it was. As he walked through the doors he decided that he’d tell Canfield tomorrow that some shrapnel came out, it wasn’t like he could do anything, he’d worry as usual and then go about his day. He began up the stairs to the bedrooms and walked quietly as not to disturb anyone. He rounded the corner and saw someone at the window. He knew who it was, but wished he didn’t have to confront him right now. Not after having sex with someone else.

  
Collins brushed the page of eraser crumbs and yawned. Maybe he should go to sleep soon, he was considering going into his bedroom to check his little clock when he heard something close to him. Looking up he saw a figure and jumped before realising it was Farrier, but not before dropping his sketchbook.  
“Sorry Collins,” Farrier smiled apologetically. He wanted to walk past without incident, but something was keeping him there. He bent to pick up the book Collins dropped, but upon realising the boy was doing the same he stopped and stood back up. Collins retrieved the book and stood up slowly until he was at his regular height, looking slightly down at Farrier.  
“S’okeh, god yae sneak around don’t yae.” Collins smiled, taking the pencil and eraser from the windowsill.  
“It’s late, didn’t want to wake anyone. You should be asleep too.” he smiled and tried to walk away.  
“Yeah I know, couldn’t though so I came out here,” he gestured at the window.  
“You draw?” Farrier asked, turning to Collins and crossing his arms.  
“Ya a little, nothing good,” he laughed nervously and a hand reached up to the back of his neck.  
“Can I see?” Farrier asked, looking at Collins roll the pencil in his hand. He wished he hadn’t said that. The blonde chuckled,  
“Suppose so,” he said with a smile opening the book.  
“This is Scotland,” he said, opening to a page of hills dotted with small farmhouses and cows.  
“It really looks like that?” Farrier asked, impressed with the drawing.  
“Ya, that’s the farms near my town actually.” he said and turned the page. Farrier couldn’t understand why he would want to leave such a nice place.  
“This is uh, just come plants from memory,” he opened to several sketches of flowers and leaves.  
“Very nice,”  
Then Collins smelled Farrier’s scent for the first time since one of his tutoring lessons. At first he relaxed as he inhaled, but then there was something different.  
“Uh, this is my clock,” he said absent-mindedly, still trying to figure out why Farrier’s smell was different. Collins turned the page again, Farrier’s stomach got slightly tingly, he drew his clock, part of the man found that cuter than he would like to admit.  
“It’s a nice clock,”  
“Ya my maw gave it to me.” Collins said,  
“And this is jus’ what I was doin’ then,” he turned the page again to the sky above the courtyard. Then he realised what he was smelling. Collins was smelling sex. Alarm bells rung in his head as he came to the conclusion. He smelled the faint but distinct scent of another person.  
“Very good. You’re a good artist Collins.” Farrier smiled at the silver parts of the boy’s hands from the pencil, having continued drawing after washing his hands.  
“Thank you,” Collins said absent-mindedly, snapping the book shut.  
“I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.” he said quickly.  
“Okay, night.” Farrier said, picking up on the change in tone. He watched Collins disappear into his room, but not before the blonde gave one look back out the door. And was that hurt on his face? _No_ Farrier thought as Collins’ door closed. _No no no_ as he walked into his room and shut the door behind him. How could he possibly know? Then it dawned on the man. Smell. He took his jumper off as he walked into his own room and sure enough the stench of arousal and Leo was thick in the wool, he had discarded it before anything had begun to be sure this didn’t happen, but it had. Farrier supposed it had mixed with the smells on his skin. He sat sadly on the bed.  
Collins walked in a daze to his bed. He thought he and Farrier had something going on, unspoken but there. He guessed not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading everyone, your comments and kudos mean so much! If anyone wants to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com
> 
> Until next week!


	20. Trouble sleeping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Early chapter this week because last one was a day late. Hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday evening.

Collins didn’t sleep much that night. When he woke he saw big circles under his eyes in his mirror, it didn’t help that he had to get up at seven-thirty to be ready for an eight o’clock class. At least, he thought, he’d found that breakfast was more of a ‘come when you please’ arrangement, as long as you weren’t there later than 9. He didn’t know if Dawson or Timson were awake so Collins groggily went down to the bathrooms to wash his face and take a piss. When he arrived at the dining hall afterwards he spotted his two friends already there, and thankfully no Farrier.

“You look well rested” Dawson smiled as he ate his cereal.

“Thanks, I am” Collins said in a monotone voice as he passed the table to get a bowl of food from the front. He filled it up not as much as he would have usually, his appetite had left him, and besides, if he wasn’t good enough maybe he didn’t deserve as much food. He sat and ate quietly, in his peripheral he saw Dawson and Timson exchanging looks.

“Everything alright mate?” Wingnut asked,

“Course” Collins said without looking up from his bowl. His friends looked at each other but didn’t say anything. After breakfast, quickly brushing his teeth and haphazardly dressing, not bothering to fix his hair, Collins trudged down to first class which was navigation. He hoped Farrier wasn’t teaching, it was a mix of nerves and anger. Collins entered the classroom and was somehow late, the lesson was about to start and everyone was seated. He stormed in and took a seat in the empty one saved for him by Dawson and Timson and refused to look at the man standing before the class, whose heart panged as he saw Collins. He obviously hadn’t slept properly and looked exhausted. Farrier wished he didn’t have to teach him today. The lad took a seat, the last to enter, and when Collins finally looked up directly into his eyes Farrier couldn’t bear holding eye contact. The amount of hurt he saw in those big beautiful orbs was too much. In that instance, Farrier hated his job for making him go on like there was nothing wrong.

“Right class. Today is the first day of your training in the school of military aeronautics. Things are going to begin to get more regimental as you go through the stages of training. Now we’re going to be doing regular uniform checks and haircut checks. As we’ve said we prefer if you don’t have facial hair but if you must you can, so we won’t police that unless it’s ridiculous. We will also be learning more about the engines and inner workings of planes. Unless you know exactly how one works, we’re not letting you up in them, they only really let you up in your basic training to make sure you were okay with it. You’ll learn how to map properly, follow routes and some other basic things you’ll eventually need to do in the air.” He finished, he had to swallow his feelings and put on a cold front. It was a good thing he didn’t usually share feelings anyway, it made pretending he didn’t have any somewhat easier. As long as he didn’t look at Collins.

“You sure you’re okay?” Dawson leaned in and said,

“I dunnae wanna talk about it” Collins said quietly. Dawson exhaled sadly but turned back to the front.

That lesson was hard for Collins. For the first time he didn’t want to hear Farrier’s voice. He mindlessly filled out the sheets given out and didn’t look up again after the first time he had. This mapping was easy for him so he barely paid any attention to Farrier’s instruction. At long last, class was dismissed.

Farrier was tired of talking and he’d only done one lesson, it was so draining to talk to the class when all he wanted to do was apologise to Collins. The boys all got up and walked out the door. As Collins passed, last out of the door as per usual, a word forced itself out of Farrier’s mouth.

“Collins” he said quietly. The blonde stopped for a beat and his head looked up from his feet, but then he kept walking. This was bad. Not only for Farrier’s immature crush but from a teaching standpoint. How could he teach a student that ignored him?

Collins wanted to wish away his fancying Farrier. That would make it easier, but he couldn’t help but like him, even though he, now clearly, didn’t care about Collins.

Collins perked up a bit when he had Canfield for a lesson of engineering. The man seemed in a chipper mood and was doing a good job of making Collins feel temporarily better, the old man loved his stories. This particular one was about how he won his first flying competition at a local fair. After class was dismissed Dawson asked Collins and Timson a very common question.

“Sandwiches?” they both said yes and off the boys walked to the sandwich store down the street. The day passed as easily as Collins could hope, passing off his friends’ pestering with the excuse that he was tired and was like this when he was tired, which wasn’t completely untrue, he just didn’t mention anything else.

Farrier was grateful not to have to teach Collins until the end of the day, at least it gave him some time to think. He had to make it up to Collins, but had no idea how. He wasn’t someone who had feelings for other people, it just didn’t happen. Farrier realised at that moment as he sat in his office, that Collins was the first person he had properly fallen for, the first person he’d felt drawn to in more than a sexual way, and that made his body warm. He so dearly wished for it to be better between them. It did somewhat disappoint him that he couldn’t go to James’ now without a feeling of guilt, but for Collins’ happiness, it was worth abstaining.

Last class of the day, Collins didn’t know if it would be Canfield or Farrier, but it was geography so he would breeze through it.

His friends walked into the class and when they’d moved from the doorway Collins saw Farrier leaning against the front desk. Part of Collins felt something of sympathy, he looked sad. Not in concentration or stress like a lot of the time, but genuine sadness. Deep blue eyes shifted up at Collins, who immediately looked away and took a seat.

Farrier internally sighed as he pushed off the desk and walked behind it to the blackboard. He put on the same fake front as he had in the morning, covering his internal struggling and trying to ignore Collins, as Collins seemed to be ignoring him. The real question Farrier had on his mind was, how was he supposed to apologise without telling Collins of his feelings?

The lesson drew to a close and all the boys filed out. As Collins passed, Farrier had to say something, he couldn’t let this go on for another day, or who knew how much longer.

“Collins, do you mind if I speak to you?” he said, making the blonde stop nervously.

“Eh okay” he said quietly, his two friends turned around with him.

“Privately?” Farrier clarified, Collins eyed Timson and Dawson.

“I’ll see ya later guys” Collins dismissed them. Farrier closed the door behind them.

“What do you think that was about?” Dawson asked Timson.

“Probably his bad mood, he was ignoring the teachers today so most likely he’s in trouble for giving attitude” Wingnut chuckled.

“Yeah probably, he wouldn’t tell me what was wrong.” Dawson said,

“Yeah neither, if he doesn’t wanna talk about it then it’s fine, I just want our Scot to be happy” Wingnut said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading as always, all your comments and kudos mean the world to me, seriously. If anyone wants to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com   
> See you next week guys <3


	21. 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second upload of the week and it's a long chapter! (thank me later)  
> Our favourite Scot's birthday! Hope you all enjoy.

This after class meeting wasn’t something Farrier was looking forward to, and by the looks of it neither was Collins. But it had to be done.

The man sighed and leaned back on the front desk of the classroom with his arms crossed. Collins looked around, trying to swallow his feelings.

“Are you okay?” Farrier said in a low husky voice,

“Ya I’m grand, how are you?” Collins said sarcastically, for the first time Farrier saw anger in his eyes.

“I’m not great, thanks for asking.” Farrier made eye contact but Collins walked over to the window,

“Oh ya? Wonder why not, seemed to have a good time last night” Collins said as he walked, it hurt how honest Farrier had just been, Collins almost wished that cold front was back where it usually was, firmly between Farrier and the rest of the world. The man quietly followed Collins over to the window.

“Well not really actually” he murmured.

He watched what Collins was watching, the planes.

“I know why you’re upset” said Farrier,

The words cut through the air and Collins’ body and mind seized up. He knew? If he knew that, then he knew…

“You couldn’t know” Collins quickly said as he stared out the window.

“Collins…” Farrier trailed off and almost stretched a hand out to grab Collins’ arm. The blonde straightened up and looked down his nose at Farrier.

“I’m sorry, Collins.” his voice cracked as he said it making it sound much more heartfelt than originally planned, Collins’ eyes fought his will not to show emotion and his response was unexpectedly impudent for Collins, a cold chuckle and shake of his head. The blonde walked away from the window and Farrier followed.

“I was trying to take my mind off something okay?” Farrier said. Collins almost believed him.

“What?” he asked Collins.

“That’s private.” Farrier replied to him as he walked towards the door.

“Well I hope it worked” Collins said as he turned the handle. Farrier supressed a sigh,

“It didn’t”

Collins stopped mid step only for a second as he processed it, and kept walking.

The blonde walked up the stairs in some sort of haze. He didn’t know if he was going crazy and interpreting everything as having a secret meaning, but as he left the room he realised that he himself may well have been the thing Farrier was trying to distract himself from. He felt bad for being angry, and then began to feel like it was his own fault. If he was the reason Farrier went out, then he was to blame. But it probably wasn’t him that was on the man’s mind, in fact it definitely wasn’t, was it? Why would one of the students be on Farrier’s mind, Collins reasoned with himself. Least of which a skinny Scottish one with two friends and who was usually a shut in. As Collins opened Dawson’s bedroom door, behind which he could already hear them talking, the two silenced.

“So what did the old man want?” Wingnut said. Collins sighed but let himself smile a bit,

“Jus wanted me to stop bein’ an arse and pay attention” he said, causing his friends to laugh.

“Now, who wants to play cards?” Timson said.

Farrier felt better, but still not normal. Had he said too much? Part of him thought so. Before he forgot he looked for Canfield, finding him in his office.

“Hi,” Farrier said awkwardly.

“What is it?” Canfield chuckled without looking up from his desk.

“Yes I’m well thank you” Farrier smiled and paused,

“Oh come on Farrier I know you too well. What is it boy?” Canfield laughed.

“Some more came out last night” he said quietly,

“Thought you might want to know, nothing seems the problem, I just know you worry” Farrier said.

“Oh, shrapnel? Jesus boy. You’re okay?” Canfield began to stand before Farrier waved his hands to sit back down.

“I’m fine, absolutely fine. It wasn’t that big” he said.

“How big?” Canfield pressed.

“Inch or so?” Farrier said, looking at Canfield’s expression of worry, clearly not thinking that should be considered ‘small’. The older man sighed.

“As long as you’re fine, thank you for telling me though.” He said,

“Of course, I’m heading back up now.” Farrier started out the door.

“Okay, see you” Canfield said, replied to with the raising of a hand as Farrier left.

The boys forgot to go on their jog that evening, instead playing cards until dinner, and then again afterwards.

 

Tuesday. Like every other day, Farrier got dressed and washed his face with cold water. Trudging down to breakfast he anticipated the upcoming engineering class he had to teach, by far not his favourite subject, but at least his favourite pupil would be there.

Collins was pleased to see a faint smile on Farrier’s face as their eyes met across the dining room, time had helped whatever went on between them. He was almost as pleased to be served hot porridge and honey.

“Morning Canfield” Farrier said as the older man walked in slightly late.

“Hello, how are we all?” he addressed the table, a chorus of “good” answered.

Collins walked into class and was relieved to see Farrier, glad there was no longer any reason to be angry with him. The day passed easily enough, only in the afternoon did Dawson pipe up with,

“Oh, we didn’t jog yesterday” not that any of them minded a week off.

That night, Collins realised his friends didn’t know when his birthday was. The RAF was strange like that, you could be close friends with people and not know things like birthdays, first names or family. You didn’t talk much about your past or personal life, it was more about having a ‘present’ friendship he supposed, the less you knew about their lives outside the RAF the better.

“Hey lads, my birthday is this week.” He said as they talked in his room instead of Dawson’s for a change, not that it made a difference as the rooms were set out exactly the same.

“Oh, when?” Timson asked,

“This Thursday”

“Why didn’t ya tell us?” Dawson laughed

“Dunno, never came up! Anyway do you two wanna do anythin’?” Collins asked.

“I mean we could go out for a drink” Wingnut said,

“Yeah just something small ya know?” Collins agreed. He wished it was normal to invite Farrier, but he knew it wasn’t and restrained himself from doing so as he saw him in the hallway before bed that night.

Wednesday passed quickly, the boys went to the usual sandwich store, and the physical education class was cancelled due to the weather so the whole class spent the time trying to make the best paper plane they could, testing them down the hallway. Canfield won, managing to hit Farrier in the shoulder as he exited a classroom much further down the hall than anyone assumed the plane would reach. He threw it back angrily and walked on. On Thursday morning however, Collins was woken by a knock at his door. He lazily opened it to see a very excited Wingnut and Dawson.

“Happy birthday mate!” Dawson said, seconded by Timson. The boys pushed their way in giving Collins a hug each as they passed.

“Lads, do ya know what the time is?” Collins yawned.

“Yep we do, but look!” Timson said, holding something wrapped in brown butcher’s paper. Collins smiled bashfully.

“You didn’t have tae do that” he said as he was handed the gift.

“And” Dawson said, holding up another object wrapped in paper, obviously a bottle.

“Aw thanks boys” Collins said as he sat on the bed and opened Dawson’s first, an expensive whiskey.

“Not gonna ask how much this was mate, but thank you” he said to Dawson before setting it on his bedside table. He then started on Timson’s present.

“They’re both kinda from both of us” Dawson said,

“Ah yae” Collins said as he unwrapped. There was a box under the brown paper, and when he lifted the small lid he saw a watch inside. His face lit up as he took it out of the packaging.

“Thank you so much guys, I needed one!” Collins smiled. It had a brown leather band and a small glass face. He slipped it on his right arm and did it up.

“Wow, I didn’t expect anythin’ so thanks lads” he said.

“You’re welcome, where would we be without this idiot? May as well spoil him” Wingnut said, earning an eye rolling from Dawson and a playful shove from Collins.

“Let’s go eat” Collins said as he stood. The day seemed to drag on for Collins, probably because of his excitement for the night. At least the work was somewhat interesting today, stopping his fidgeting for the most part. The boys decided to skip dinner that night and go out for food instead.

“let’s open it now!” Wingnut said in Collins’ room as he held up the alcohol Collins had received. Dawson entered and saw Wingnut holding the bottle.

“That wasn’t for you mate” he laughed,

“Aye he was considerin’ we have some to get started before we go, save money” Collins said.

“I mean, yeah it’s up to you though” he said to Collins.

“Aight, let’s have a bit now” he said and opened the bottle. He drank until he was slightly light in the head and had more of a spring in his step.

“Okay we should stop, not too much” he said and took the bottle away from Dawson.

“Go get ready lads, not going oot in your uniforms” Collins ushered the giggling boys away. He waited for them with his back against his closed door, standing in the hallway. He heard faint footsteps coming around the corner, he looked to see Farrier and felt his cheeks get warm. Damn the alcohol.

“Hey” he said to Collins as he walked past to his door.

“Hello” Collins smiled,

Farrier paused before opening his door and inhaled.

“Have you been drinking?”

“A bit, me an the lads goin’ oot” Collins answered.

“Ah. Thought I smelled something strong” he laughed.

“Ya” Collins said at the floor.

“So… You’re missing dinner?” Farrier turned to him,

“Yeah I am” Collins answered. Farrier raised his eyebrows slightly,

“Bit unlike you” he said with a somehow cold smile.

“What do ya mean?” Collins crossed his arms and stood up to accentuate the height difference. Farrier chuckled and smiled.

“Just that you don’t go out much, well at all as far as I know since the uniform party, and it’s not even a Friday or Saturday, you’ve got plenty of classes tomorrow” he said, not fazed by Collins looking down his nose at him.

“You’re not in charge of me Farrier” he scoffed,

“Not in charge of your personal life, rather. No I’m not, but I just thought an exemplary student like yourself might have thought more about classroom life when deciding when to go out” Farrier answered, Collins stooped over slightly causing Farrier to take a step back, still with the cold smile on his face.

“It’s my birthday.”

The hostile smile dropped and Farrier couldn’t maintain eye contact. He went to say something but Collins turned away and huffed. Farrier had meant his comments as playful but clearly they hadn’t come across that way. And how could he have forgotten his birthday? It was written on Collins’ damned application that he personally read. How could he be so stupid, Farrier asked himself. Dawson came out of his room and Collins quickly walked to him, muttering a “let’s go mate” as they walked off. Farrier sighed and entered his room. He had a lot of students, and couldn’t possibly remember all the birthdays, but felt guilty for not remembering Collins’ in particular.

After meeting up with Wingnut the three boys stepped out into the cold evening air. They caught the train into London and decided to go somewhere new. The boys swaggered into a new looking club that was humming with activity.

“Let’s grab some food lads, I’m starving” Wingnut said. After they’d eaten a night of celebration began.

 

Farrier sat up in bed trying to read the morning’s paper that he’d never gotten around to, but guilt plagued him, and he hated the fact that Collins’ emotions had such an effect on him. It was a weakness.

 

“Dawson what’s the time?” Collins yelled over the music, Dawson grabbed his wrist and shoved it in his face with a laugh. He kept forgetting he now had a watch, and when he looked at the small watch face, somehow it was already past eleven. Collins had been drinking more than he anticipated, and when he started it was hard to stop. As per usual when he went out, Collins spent a fair amount of the time dancing to the music, at Wingnut’s request he attempted to teach his drunk friend some dance moves, but unable to follow them Wingnut decided to watch with Dawson instead. When Collins had exhausted himself he stepped over to his friends,

“Aye lads, fancy another drink?” he smirked,

“Sure” Dawson said, and Wingnut nodded and the three continued to buy drinks until they’d spent almost all the money they had on them.

“We need train tickets remember mate” Dawson said in Collins’ ear, almost causing the blonde to shiver at the sensation of breath on his neck.

“Yay a I know” he said over the music, trying to shake thoughts of Dawson from his head. Collins was more drunk than he planned, a lot more drunk.

“Aye, when do ya wanna be back?” he asked his two friends,

“I think we should go for the train soon, yeah?” Wingnut asked,

“Yeah works for me” Dawson answered.

“Sure. Well the train our to Gatwick is every hour so we just missed this one, so we’ll have to get the one o’clock one” Collins said as he checked his watch, just past twelve.

“Suppose we should leave soon to walk there” Wingnut said, wobbling.

“Aye, one more drink and we’ll go” Collins said before ordering another strong drink for himself. He was feeling very warm and not very much in control of himself at all, but it had been a while since he’d been properly drunk, if he didn’t count the uncomfortable situation that was the uniform party.

The three walked drunkenly down The Strand, the traffic was quiet, and the clouds were a minimum revealing the bright moon. The boys walked along the quiet street, staggering off the footpath at times, leaning on each other making jokes and laughing in the cold air.

“Mate we’re gonna be fucked tomorrow” Dawson said,

“Maybe you two” Collins laughed,

“Oh yeah Mr?” Dawson laughed,

“Yeah what makes you think you won’t be screwed?” Wingnut laughed,

“I’m Scottish” Collins laughed

“Well we shall see won’t we” Dawson said, and then he and Collins watched Wingnut fall down completely onto the damp footpath. After a good amount of laughter they helped him up, and soon had arrived at the train station.

 

Farrier was still awake, he wanted to know Collins had gotten back safely. Not that he was really tired enough to sleep anyway. He’d showered, gotten ready for bed and realised he was too nervous to ever sleep. Then he heard a door downstairs open, his heart now began to race if it hadn’t been already. He heard loud voices walking up the stairs. Should he go out into the corridor? How could he justify that? He got off his bed without really thinking and opened his door, there were many reasons he could say he went out there if he asked, shower, bathroom, forgot something in his office. He looked down the corridor and saw two distinct blondes.

“Night then, happy birthday mate. Hey how old are you?” Dawson said as he went into his room. Collins smiled,

“Twenty-six” he said as Dawson closed the door. Then Collins’ bright eyes looked up the corridor to Farrier, who couldn’t help but smile as he saw the boy happy.

“Hiya” Collins said in an overly friendly way,

“Hello Collins. Did you have a nice evening?” Farrier asked, wary that he may still be angry at him.

“Yeah, really good.” The Scot answered, then he took a step towards Farrier, who this time didn’t step back.

“Would’ve been better if you were there” he rumbled. Farrier’s heart lurched, Collins was drunk, obviously, he didn’t mean what he said.

“I wasn’t invited” he smirked, back leaning on the frame of Collins’ door, Collins turned his body to his door to try and open it.

“Biggest mistake of my night then” he said as he fumbled with the handle, then his footing stumbled and he slightly lost his balance. Regaining it he chuckled,

“Drank too much” he smiled with blue eyes and dimples at Farrier, who couldn’t do anything but smile back. Collins was obviously struggling with the door handle,

“Here, let me” Farrier moved closer to Collins and turned the handle for him. He looked up to see Collins looking softly at him. Collins was too drunk for his own good, he wasn’t sure if this was actually happening or if he was imagining it. Maybe he’d wake up and realise he never saw Farrier before bed but in that moment, he couldn’t take his eyes off the man. His olive skin in the moonlight, and he was close enough he could feel the heat radiating off him, his smell intoxicating. Just his smell this time, not mixed with something like the other night. Collins began to lean in closer, not thinking, just feeling. He could have imagined it but he thought Farrier began to as well, before,

“I think it’s bedtime for you Collins.” Farrier said softly with a husky voice. Collins looked to the ceiling with a chuckle. He knew that was coming, he didn’t think Farrier would let it happen. He raised his eyebrows in disbelief before entering his room.

“Night Farrier”

“Night Collins. Happy birthday” Farrier managed, but he could feel the heat on his cheeks. He glanced one more time at Collins’ calm smile before the man shut his door quietly. _Fuck, did we nearly kiss?_ Farrier couldn’t believe it. How could he nearly do that? He could have screamed at himself.

The brunette shut his door quietly and sat down on his bed. This wasn’t like entering into a normal relationship, he told himself. This one, was illegal, because it was homosexual. Forbidden, and punishable by law. He sighed and swung his legs up onto the bed and lay down. He didn’t know what to do now, his attraction to Collins was real, and it was growing.

Miraculously, Collins didn’t forget to set his alarm clock and woke at eight in the morning with a rotten feeling in his stomach and a very slight headache, to his surprise. He groggily got dressed and walked down the corridor in his green spotted socks and baby blue pyjamas. He knocked on Dawson’s door and heard a groan as an answer.

“Unlock yer door aye?” he said in, hearing the croakiness in his voice. A minute or so passed before Dawson opened his door.

“Bad idea, last night” he breathed,

“Nah, you’re fine mate. Come on then” Collins grabbed him by the shoulder and they walked around the corner. Dawson sighed,

“You could out drink anyone I reckon” he laughed at Collins, who smiled at the ground,

“Well, I’m not feelin’ perfect today to be honest but thank ye” he said as they reached Wingnut’s room.

“Shall I do the honours?” Dawson asked, Collins beckoned him forward. Dawson banged three times on the door,

“No” was heard from the other side, the two blondes raised their eyebrows.

“I’m comin’ in there if you dunnae get up now Wingnut” Collins warned,

“Calm down idiots. Gimme a minute to get me bloody clothes on” Timson said from inside. He opened the door soon after,

“Fuck’s sake” he said and walked with his two friends. A few moments passed before Collins piped up,

“I’m guessin’ by yer walkin’ that yer still drunk Wingnut” he said trying to hide a grin, the brunette visibly tried to walk in a straighter line but said nothing. Dawson chuckled.

“My head is terrible, dunno about you two” he said,

“Eh, mine’s a bit fuzzy” Collins said,

“How’s he do it?” Dawson asked Wingnut, who shrugged,

“Dunno but it isn’t fair” he smiled. The boys entered the dining room which was already full of chatter and smells of food. Today was fresh fruit and yoghurt. Collins went up to get his bowl of food and spotted Farrier, who actually smiled softly at him before setting his gaze back to his own food. Collins’ stomach fluttered as he went to sit back down.

“So, ready for class boys?” Collins asked,

“As much as I can be” Wingnut said,

“I second that” Dawson laughed and took a spoonful of yoghurt.

Farrier was happy. He’d decided it was a good thing that something nearly happened but didn’t, now he knew how Collins felt, not that he didn't already see signs, but they hadn’t done anything wrong, or rather,  _too_ wrong. He knew they could never do anything together, it would compromise everything he’d worked for to get this far, if they were found out they’d be charged and losing this job wasn’t an option. Still, it was all so comforting to know for sure that the feelings were mutual. Farrier couldn’t shake the warm feeling inside him, and it was impossible not to smile as he saw the lanky blonde trudge through the doors of the hall. Canfield wasn’t paying any attention, and the other officers were finished breakfast and gone to begin lessons, he took all the time he wanted to gaze upon Collins ashe walked in, his messy blonde hair falling into his eyes, those blue, blue eyes that were so magnetic Farrier thought he might get pulled out of his chair if he stared too long. He hoped Collins remembered what happened last night.

 

As Collins ate, he realised he had no recollection of what happened last night.

“Lads, what did we do last night after we started dancin’?” he asked,

“I dunno, had a few more drinks then came back and went to sleep basically” Dawson said, Timson hummed in agreement.

“Weird, I never get blackouts but I cannae remember that part o’ the night” Collins said at his bowl.

“Well I guess you’re not immortal then” Dawson chuckled.

“Guess not” Collins said as he ate some yoghurt. It was annoying him, he needed to keep thinking until he could actually recall the events, it wasn’t good enough to have them told to him.

He was still thinking into the first lesson with Canfield,

“Now gentlemen, we will be doing your physical lesson today as the weather was bad yesterday. At noon meet in the quadrangle.” wished they didn't have to today of all days. As they left the room he saw Farrier walking down the hall towards him, the man gave a warm smile as the two passed, Collins tried to return it but could feel the redness in his cheeks. He heard a small chuckle behind him from Farrier as the man walked off. Why was he being so nice? Collins didn’t question it any further as he walked off to lunch.

Farrier made a mental note to stop being so happy around Collins. He didn’t seem to connect his mood with the events that nearly transpired between them, and besides nothing would come of it so he should stop acting suspicious.

Finally physical education rolled around, last class of the day. All they did was some sort of obstacle course, but Collins couldn’t complain, though he spent most of it still trying to remember the good chunk of the night that had left his memory. It was only when they were ending the lesson when he finally managed to follow the string of thoughts past getting off the train at the Gatwick station. _We went into base, oh and Farrier was there! And_ Collins had been walking at the back of the class deep in thought, but when his mind realised Farrier had been there, and he’d gotten some sort of hazy vision of something happening outside his doorway, he stopped. Farrier stood with his back against the wall watching the class walk in, Collins seemed to be thinking about something, and then he stopped and almost gasped. Farrier watched as colour crept into the lanky blonde’s face and he just _knew_ what he’d remembered. He couldn’t hide the smirk on his lips as Collins slowly walked up to him with a heated gaze.

“Farrier, can I ask ye somethin’?” he said quietly, surprisingly intense look in his eyes.

“Sure” Farrier remained with his arms crossed.

“Did anythin’ happen last night after I got back?” he asked, shifting his eyes around. Farrier tried to remain calm but his heartbeat had sped up significantly seeing the blonde so uncomfortable and shy.

“Like what?” Farrier said amusedly. Collins almost rolled his eyes, not wanting to spell it out, never mind nobody else being around.

“Somethin’… Between us” Collins’ gaze met the older man’s, and now it was Farrier’s turn to blush. He held the blonde's gaze for a moment before sighing,

“No, nothing happened” He said with a small, if sad smile. Collins almost sighed,

“Okay, I just had to make sure.” he said before stalking inside. Farrier let out a breath he didn't know he was holding after Collins walked away. To hell with the law, he wished something had happened last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone! Let me know what you thought, I'd love to hear it <3  
> As always my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat, so until nex week, happy reading, all!


	22. Swimming day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday all! This chapter was fun to write, hopefully fun to read too!

The next few weeks passed without incident. Training was getting more complicated, and Collins’ feelings for Farrier were constant. He kept telling himself no, and knew at the bottom of his heart that nothing would ever come of it, but he just couldn’t deny himself the simple pleasures of glancing at the man every now and then, ‘accidentally’ seeing him at their doorways at night, stealing secret smiles across the hallways and secret chats after class and before bed. And so it continued that Collins did the classwork to the best of his abilities while looking dreamily either out the window at the planes, or at his teacher. Neither of them would admit anything, but didn’t deny it either.

  
It was an ordinary Saturday night, a game of questions and commands among the three boys ensued.  
“Right Collins. Here’s one I bet you cannot wait to answer” Dawson said, handing the blonde the alcohol pre-emptively. Collins took it slowly and gave him a questioning look.  
“Who do you fancy?” after Dawson said it, Wingnut chuckled and Collins went to swig.  
“Ah” Dawson said, stopping Collins before the bottle touched his lips, raising one blonde eyebrow in question.  
“That means you do fancy someone.” Dawson stated smugly. Collins sighed and went back to sip the drink.  
“Hey c’mon mate, how long’ve you known us? Little trust ya know?” Dawson said,  
“This is private stuff guys” Collins said, struggling to keep the redness out of his cheeks.  
“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?” Wingnut said,  
“I know who you fancy mate, that lady from the kitchen” Collins laughed As Timson went red.  
“Come on, you can drink if ya like but, we’re not gonna do anything with the information mate, it’s all trust here, you know that” Dawson said. Collins sighed.  
“Aight. But no jokin’ around” he said, the two nodded. Collins sat in silence before he spoke.

  
“It’s Farrier.”

  
Collins swallowed and looked up, first at Wingnut who had his eyebrows raised looking at the floor, and then to Dawson, who had a sad smile on his face as he locked blue eyes with Collins. It was stupid how much Collins was willing to tell them, dangerous. Yet it was so easy to do so, his best friends who he trusted with all his heart could surely keep a secret. Still, it was scary.  
The Scot cleared his throat,  
“Thought you knew that already actually” he directed at Dawson,  
“I kinda did actually, wanted to know for sure though” he smiled.  
“I hadn’t a clue, how’d you know?” Timson asked Dawson,  
“You really do miss all the signs mate” Dawson chuckled.  
“Collins?” Dawson said to get his attention, Collins had been staring at the floor with flushed cheeks,  
“Ya?” he said, looking up,  
“Secret’s safe with us, isn’t it Wingnut” Dawson said,  
“Sure is buddy, won’t tell a soul” Wingnut smiled.  
“So… Why him?” Dawson asked,  
“Ugh come on” Collins said as he let an embarrassed smile creep onto his face,  
“Well he’s a right bit older than us, not to mention kinda stressed out it seems” Wingnut said with a grin.  
“I dunno why, I just do mate, cannae be helped” Collins said. His many many reasons were something Collins rightly judged a tad too personal to share.  
“Yeah, well I don’t think anything can happen with you two mate, I’m sorry” Dawson said, causing a forced laugh from Collins.  
“I know tha’, no matter who I fancy nothin’ could ever come of it, it’s illegal!” Collins said with a sad smile. Dawson patted his shoulder,  
“Let’s keep playing, ey? Your turn” he said.  
“Yeah” Collins sighed.

The following Monday, the class were asked a peculiar question by Canfield.  
“Can everybody swim?” he said.  
“Raise your hand if you can’t” and when nobody did, he added,  
“Good, your preliminary training should have taught you anyway. Now you’re all wondering why the old man is asking you this” he said, the class collectively chuckled.  
“We hold annual swimming days. We need to make sure our boys can swim of course, and yours is coming up in two weeks to the day, which you’d all know if you read the bulletin wall, I’m assuming by the looks of surprise that this was new news to you all.”  
“What if we don’t have swimming trunks?” someone asked,  
“I’m glad you asked. You don’t need them for this exercise. The point of this is to ensure you can swim confidently in your flight gear, so you’ll be in coverups and will be taking your underclothes off, so not to worry about swimming trunks for now, although later in your training we do a swimming carnival which is more of a fun event, you may want to invest in some before then as the RAF does not supply swimming trunks, unfortunately” Canfield stated.

  
“Do you lads like swimming?” Wingnut asked as they left class,  
“Yeah, did a lot back in Weymouth” Dawson said,  
“Aye I like it too, although I think most o’ my swimmin’ experiences were a wee colder than the shores of Weymouth” Collins laughed.  
“D’ya like swimmin’ Wingnut?” he asked,  
“Yeah it’s alright, not my favourite thing though”  
“Once me an’ a mate jumped into a lake and swam across it in winter because someone had hit a ball into it” Collins said with a smirk.  
“You idiot!” Dawson laughed,  
“Who got the ball then?” Wingnut asked,  
“Well, I would ‘ave if he didn’t push me head under” Collins smirked.

He didn’t tell them that his ‘mate’ was actually his first kiss. He tried to push the thought from his mind.   
The boys walked and ate their sandwiches at lunch.  
“So going for a jog tonight? Good weather” Collins said,  
“Yeah course mate” Dawson said.  
It turned out that jog was their longest yet, and Collins woke on Tuesday with sore legs and stomach muscles. After breakfast, Collins’ grumbling was forgotten in Farrier’s very confusing class of engine care.  
“Does anyone have questions?”  
“Many” Collins laughed as he looked at his page of notes that he’d copied from the board without understanding.  
“Same here” someone else said, and a chorus of agreement erupted.  
“Why didn’t anyone pipe up before?” Farrier sighed.  
“Collins, what are your questions?”  
“Well firstly, is it possible to over, or under pump the engine when you’re startin’ the plane?” he asked,  
“It’s possible to under pump, but not over. Pumping three or four times is enough, if you keep going there’s really no point and you’re wasting time.” Farrier said.  
“and your other questions?” Farrier asked,  
“Well the rest was basically ‘what the fook does this mean’” Collins laughed and some other boys laughed with him. Farrier exhaled,  
“See me after class, some of you may need extra help and that’s not to be ashamed of. Not all of you will become RAF engineers after all. Anyone else struggling with concepts see me afterwards.” He said. Collins tried not to look like he was in an elevated state of consciousness at the thought of seeing Farrier after class.  
Dawson tried several times during the class to help Collins but to no avail.  
“Guess you’ll just have to stay behind” he smirked, earning him a kick in the leg under the table. Class finished and a small group of boys including Collins crowded around Farrier.  
“Now boys, let’s just write down the parts you didn’t understand”. The list was made on the blackboard, and they worked from there. In half an hour, Collins had more of an understanding than before, but it was still somewhat skeletal. Farrier dismissed the boys and began tidying his desk.  
“thanks” Collins said quietly as he left.  
“You’re welcome” Farrier said with a smile.

Collins loved how intelligent Farrier was. He remembered when he’d first met him, the man looked more physical than mental, but for every muscle in his body he had a piece of knowledge too, it seemed. And there was a lot of muscle.

A couple of weeks later, it was swimming day. All the men in the school of military aeronautics walked down to the local pool. It was the first swimming pool Collins had seen, it was outdoors and smelled of chemicals, the water looked strangely blue.  
“You going in then?” Canfield chuckled to Farrier.  
“If you are!” the man laughed back, knowing Canfield wouldn’t.  
“What d’yae suppose we’ll do?” Collins asked Wingnut,  
“Swim I guess” he said, Collins almost rolled his eyes. They all walked up to a grassy area on the side of the pool following Canfield and Farrier at the front of the group.  
“Right men. Today we are going to test your swimming abilities, as well as ensure that you’re all able to swim with a coverup on, in place of your heavy uniforms.” Farrier said. Canfield continued,  
“An outline of today’s activities is this. You will first all swim one-hundred metres, which is up and back in the pool, in the coverup, and then you will all need to confidently haul yourself out of the pool with the coverup on. We will then hold a competition for who can tread water the longest in it, everyone must surpass five minutes, but we will keep going until one man remains. We will repeat this twice to see how your performance differs after exhaustion. Does everyone follow?” The man asked, with some nodding in response.  
“Oh also, we’ll be doing the laps in groups of ten to accommodate for the amount of lanes, but the other activities we can do all together.” The older man added.  
“So are you two joining us?” Charles asked, earning a laugh from Farrier.  
“Well if Canfield does, I’ve said I will” he said, folding his arms. What Farrier didn’t expect was a chorus of ‘ooh’s’ from the boys,  
“C’mon then Canfield!” one said,  
“Yeah, you gotta show us how it’s done!” another shouted. Canfield chuckled to himself.  
“I suppose that if I’m to teach you it would be beneficial for you to know that I’m not a helpless old man. Alright, I’ll join!” he said, Farrier’s stomach dropped, he didn’t actually expect Canfield to say yes. There were cheers from the group of boys and some clapping, he wasn’t sure who they were more excited to see join in, him or Canfield.  
“Don’t go too hard Michael” he murmured to Canfield, who in response patted his shoulder.  
Farrier addressed the group,  
“Right men, you’ll all find racks of coverups and shorts in the change rooms, put them on and meet back on the grass to be split into groups. Luckily today it’s nice and sunny so you’d be fine keeping your underwear on beneath the shorts, should dry off.” He said, and the group began towards the changing rooms.  
“Anyone bring money?” Canfield said, a few answered yes,  
“There’s a kiosk here if you want food while you’re waiting for your group’s turn” he pointed out.  
“I got some” Collins said to Dawson and Wingnut,  
“Same here” Dawson said,  
“Yeah me too” Wingnut added.  
The boys entered the change rooms to see racks of navy coverups and shorts with elastic bands in the same colour. They all grabbed one of each and made their way to the benches around the walls of the room. Collins changed as quickly as he could and didn’t look up at all in fear of being seen looking. One of the many mundane tasks he had to be careful doing because of his homosexuality, just in case anyone thought he was looking deliberately. He piled his clothes neatly and rolled his bright green socks up on the top so he could tell which uniform was his. When they all walked out again Farrier and Canfield were already changed and waiting, Collins guessed they had the luxury of using the staff bathrooms or something.  
“Right boys, line up along the grass and we’ll put you in your groups.” Farrier said.  
“Line up nine people away from each other, then we’ll be together!” Wingnut said to Collins and Dawson. Collins chuckled but agreed, and it worked, when Canfield walked along numbering them they were all in number ten.  
“Well, looks like we got rather lucky with the numbers, shall we say I’m in nine and you’re in ten? Then we’ve got ten in each” Canfield said.  
“Yeah” Farrier said without realising who was in his group.  
“Okay, group one come to the blocks” Canfield said, and a group followed him and Farrier to the top of the pool, as well as a decent chunk of the other students who just wanted to watch. Collins looked on as the first men dunked themselves into the water, and the coverups did look heavy. They all held one arm on the wall and upon Canfield blowing a whistle, they all took off. The group standing watching cheered on.  
“Does look heavy” Collins said as the three sat on the grass soaking in the warm sun.  
“Yeah, they’re going fast enough so it should be fine” Dawson said. The boys reached the other end of the pool and all turned and started swimming back. By the time they’d gotten back they’d slowed significantly. The three boys then watched as they pulled themselves out of the pool and it looked rather difficult to Collins, he hoped all the visits to the gym had paid off.  
“Why don’t you go sit down Tom, it’s a one-man job here.” Canfield said,  
“Oh, you’re sure?” Farrier asked,  
“Of course, go sit in the sun” Canfield smiled.  
Collins seized up with nerves when he saw Farrier walking back to the grass, he relaxed slightly when the man stopped at a tree on the edge of the grass and stood against it in his typical arms-crossed stance.  
“Why don’t ya go talk to him?” Wingnut elbowed Collins, who shot him a look,  
“Woah sorry” Wingnut said in defence.  
“Did I no say no jokin’?” Collins hissed.  
“Okay, sorry mate” Wingnut said earnestly, Collins looked away back at the pool, where the first group were walking from, dripping wet. Maybe he shouldn’t have told them, this was no lighthearted matter.  
“Group two!” Canfield said happily as the group of drenched boys sat down, including Johnson who went to sit with his usual group, Collins noticed. The wet boys began taking their coverups off the tops of their bodies to warm up and Collins quickly diverted his gaze to the grass he was playing with.  
After a long while of sitting playing with the grass and talking about nothing in particular, Collins saw Canfield come back once again.  
“Group nine, you’re with me!” he chirped, at this Farrier walked over to him, most likely to take over as whistle-blower. The men walked to the pool and Collins noted how spritely Canfield got into the water,  
“Not bad for an old man” Dawson chuckled to Wingnut, who laughed back. The race began as the whistle was blown, and Canfield wasn’t that far behind the younger men, however Collins was really impressed when at the halfway mark Canfield was right on the tails of them. Some students had stood up and walked to the edge to watch, and Collins did the same beckoning his friends. Canfield was a good swimmer, he had proper form and seemed to be coping with the weight of the coverup well enough. Granted he finished last, but not my all that much. When the old man popped his head above the water everyone cheered and he laughed, hauling himself out of the pool with no help from Farrier, though the man definitely looked ready to give some.  
“I’ve got to admit I didn’t think you had that in you” Farrier said as he walked with the sopping wet older man,  
“I know you didn’t, that’s why I had to show you!” he laughed.  
“Now, I’m getting an ice cream” Canfield said and walked to the kiosk.  
Farrier cleared his throat,  
“Group ten, with me” he said, and a knot appeared in his stomach when he saw Collins rise. Canfield came padding over with a vanilla ice cream in a cone, grinning at Farrier who shook his head with a smile.  
“You’re worse than a child” he laughed at Canfield,  
“Why?” Canfield chuckled back,  
“Because you’re all happy now that you have your ice cream after competing in your big race!” Farrier said,  
“Well, fair enough I suppose” Canfield said as he bit the edge of the cone. They reached the head of the pool and each took a lane, Dawson was between Collins and Farrier, and Wingnut was on Collins’ other side.  
“Right lads, in you get!” Canfield said. Collins lowered himself in slowly and was surprised that the water was somewhat warm.  
“I’m going to count you down, and then freestyle all the way down and up again, okay? Get ready” Canfield said, getting the whistle ready. Collins held onto the wall with one arm and was ready to kick off.  
The whistle blew, and Collins shot forwards and began to swim. He could immediately feel the weight of the coverup and knew it was making him slower than usual, though seeing Wingnut ahead of him on one side and Dawson ahead on the other was disheartening. He kept swimming, trying to focus on his breathing and pacing himself rather than speed, but his eyes were beginning to sting. They reached the wall and Collins briefly saw that he’d caught up to Dawson. The swim back was more difficult, the coverup severely impairing his swimming abilities and Collins was distracted by his sore eyes. The blonde tried his hardest to keep going, arms aching with every stroke, but after realising pure speed wasn’t the smartest tactic it got a little easier. He was about tied with Dawson until the last quartre where his friend began to draw ahead of him. At least, Collins thought, he was most likely ahead of Wingnut.  
Then his hand hit the wall and he’d finished. He popped his head up to see Dawson and Farrier already finished, and Timson finished only a second after Collins but the blonde wasn’t taking notice of much except for Farrier, who was wet and already hauling himself out of the pool with ease. Collins forcefully looked away as he saw Dawson looking at him in his peripheral. Collins then began to pull himself out of the pool, which was a lot harder than Farrier made it look.  
“Well done lads” Canfield said,  
“Swim somehow made my eyes sting” Collins laughed at the old man,  
“Of course it did my boy, I think everyone’s are a bit” he said, finishing his ice cream. Collins cocked his head,  
“Why? That’s no’ normal” he said, trying not to rub his eyes which he’d realised made it worse, the group along with Canfield began to walk back to the grass, Farrier had fallen in step with the older man.  
“Collins, it’s chlorinated water! Of course it’s normal! Don’t open your eyes under the water next time boy!” Canfield laughed.  
“Chlorinated water?” Collins queried, then a tap on the back came from Wingnut giving him a confused look,  
“What? A’ve never been in a pool before!” he said to Wingnut,  
“You’ve wha- goodness Collins!” Canfield laughed, Farrier smiled something between amusedly and sympathetically.  
“We all swam in the loch near Aviemore”! Collins tried to defend himself,  
“It’s a wee town there’s no pool there!” he said, trying to cover his embarrassment with a laugh.  
“Not to worry Collins, now you know that swimming pools have chlorine in them, it keeps the water clean” Canfield smiled. Farrier couldn’t believe how innocent Collins sometimes was, and also couldn’t believe how warm the thought that he’d never seen a pool before was making him despite the wet coverup clinging to his skin.  
The group walked back to the other students and they all went back to the pool together for the treading water exercise with only ten minutes of rest.  
“No’ fair the others got more rest than us” Collins said to Wingnut,  
“Yeah I know” he said,  
“Tired boys?” Dawson chuckled.  
“You’ve got too much energy Dawson” Collins replied as they slipped back into the water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone, hope you enjoyed! Always feel free to let me know what you thought, idc if you’ve commented before I love reading comments and I always reply!  
> If anyone wants to chat I’m on tumblr as s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com
> 
> Until next chapter ❤️


	23. Seeing scars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, second chapter of the week! Hope you all enjoy ❤️
> 
> Trigger warning(s) listed in end notes.

“Now lads, I’ve got Timothy here from the kiosk to time us because we’re all going in together now.” Canfield said, as a lanky boy waved nervously to the group. Everyone was clinging to the edges of the pool,  
“Now when I say go, everyone let go of the edge. I’ll call five minutes when it’s up, then feel free to get out whenever you want” the lad said, looking at his watch, waiting for the second hand to reach twelve.  
“And go!” Timothy said. Collins let go of the edge and began to float, he tried to keep his lungs as full as possible to be buoyant, but still needed to use his arms and legs to hold the weight of himself and the coverup. He soon realised it was easier to let his legs come forwards, and while in the coverup they were too heavy to reach the surface to star float, they weren’t straight down.  
“Five minutes!” the boy called, taking Collins by surprise,  
“Oh” he quietly laughed at his friends,  
“Yeah I wasn’t expecting that” Wingnut said. The boys continued to float, watching a few men get out of the water. After another minute or so, Canfield began to swim to the edge  
“I’m done boys, nothing more I need to prove!” he said as he took the steps out.  
Farrier wasn’t finding it that difficult, but he was finding Collins’ mess of wet blonde hair quite distracting from the task at hand. He’d found the best way was to keep his heart-rate slow, but Collins was jeopardising any chances he had of doing that. Now he was laughing with his friends, with that innocent smile. Farrier turned himself around so he couldn’t see Collins, instead focusing on his breathing.  
“Now if the race taught you lads anything about stamina and pacing yourselves, I trust that nobody is trying to exhaust themselves early with this exercise.” Canfield said from the poolside. Collins noticed more people get out, and they kept getting out, a few every minute or so until it was a very small group of them left.  
“It also helps not to be too heavy, but of course the coverups are” Canfield smiled.  
“You could’ve lasted longer” Farrier said with a slightly strained voice to Canfield,  
“I know, but why exhaust myself for the point of pride?” he said knowingly.  
“Is that what I’m doing?” Farrier laughed.  
“Yes my boy, and now I’m relaxing in the sun while you’re struggling in the water because I don’t care that the students beat me” Canfield said back, causing a huffed laugh from the younger man. Farrier looked around to see four other students still in the pool, looking out over the pool edge he could see most had walked back to the grass, and most alarmingly a lot were wearing the top of the coverups around their waists, exposing their torsos to the warm sun. Farrier looked away and tried to concentrate more on the task at hand.  
Collins had closed his eyes in concentration, he was trying to imagine himself back in the loch near his hometown. He knew he was getting near the end of his abilities, but imagining he was somewhere else helped a bit.  
“I’m out” he heard Timson say, and his eyes snapped open to see his friend clambering out of the pool, Canfield patted him on the back and he walked over to the grass.  
“Well” Dawson panted, Collins smiled back but didn’t expend any energy by answering. Then the other boy that Collins didn’t know got out, leaving just him, Dawson and Farrier competing.  
“Wanna pull out together?” Dawson asked Collins,  
‘Ya sure, I cannae last much longer” he said,  
“Alright, let’s go now then” Dawson replied and they both began to swim to the steps.  
“You win Farrier” Dawson said as they both climbed out,  
  
“You did well boys, good job” Farrier said as he climbed out behind them.  
“Well done lads, now we have about half an hour of rest” Canfield said to both of them, Collins could only smile in response.  
“Farrier, you push your body too hard, and show off needlessly!” Canfield smiled and patted Farrier’s shoulder,  
“I need to know where my limits are” he smiled,  
“And I didn’t get a flare up then, so it’s good” he continued.  
“Well I’m glad of that boy but we aren’t exactly trying to get one are we, how would you react if some shrapnel came through in water?” he said sternly.  
“You worry too much” Farrier chuckled.  
Collins and Dawson walked together back to Wingnut  
“Could you have lasted longer?” Collins asked,  
“Only like, less than a minute I’d say” Dawson replied,  
“I wasn’t sure if it would have been good if you’d been left with him, that’s why I said pull out together.” He said earnestly to his friend. Collins felt a jolt of embarrassment in his stomach, but then he felt a feeling of gratitude,  
“That’s.. Thank you, Dawson, that was very nice of ye” he said embarrassedly,  
“No problem mate, glad I did the right thing” he smiled.  
“Ya, who knows what stupid thing I might’ve said if you’d left me with him” Collins laughed. Wingnut walked up to them with the top half of his coverup wrapped around his waist.  
“Hey guys, good job!” he said, slinging an arm around both of them.  
“Thanks, exhausting stuff” Dawson said,  
“Ye, it was” Collins added before shivering.  
“You guys should get those off a bit, it’s so warm those are makin’ you cold” Wingnut said,  
“Yeah s’pose” Dawson said, before unbuttoning the top half and shrugging it off his shoulders. Collins was hesitant, he still wasn’t all that happy with his body and apparently that was obvious on his face.  
“C’mon Collins, everyone else is doing it” said Wingnut, so the blonde relented on account of it being the ‘normal’ thing to do.  
“See? You look better than last I saw” Dawson said, Collins looked down and indeed, he wasn’t as skinny as he’d remembered himself, he could almost see the outlines of his muscles through the skin, and when he clenched his stomach, he could see them clearer than ever. He was snapped out of his selfish gaze when Wingnut tapped his upper arm,  
“You look fine mate. Now, anyone wanna come to the kiosk?”  
Collins was still self-conscious next to his two much fitter friends.  
  
Farrier sat next to Canfield on the grass and relaxed in the sun.  
“Been reading the papers?” Farrier asked,  
“Of course, why?” Canfield answered.  
“Just.. Well, some things seem imminent don’t they” Farrier said, leaning back on his elbows.  
“You have to have some hope though, surely” Canfield copied Farrier’s lazy position.  
“Yes, but you also have to be ready, I just hope all these men are” Farrier said,  
“Well that’s why we’re training them the way we are, we’re making sure they are ready” Canfield said.  
“You worry too much” he added, and Farrier sighed,  
“Maybe I do.”

Collins ended up getting some hot chips from the kiosk, mentally noting that he shouldn’t have spent so much on a snack. The boys went to sit back down, and Collins couldn’t do anything to hide his body like he wanted to when they walked along the concrete path between the grass and the pool, in front of where Farrier and Canfield were sat at the front of the grassy hill.  
“So lads, are we still goin’ for a jog tonight ya think?” Collins asked, desperate to make conversation and look confident while he walked past,  
“I mean, I don’t actually mind, we did enough swimming today to make up for a jog, but I’d still be up for it” Dawson said,  
“Of course you would be” Wingnut laughed, causing a grin to appear on Collins’ face, though inside he didn’t want to jog tonight.  
Farrier had been idly watching the pool workers fish leaves out of the water, when in his peripheral saw a familiar blonde walking past, his eyes darted towards Collins, and he couldn’t help but stare at the pale lean skin of his torso. He knew he shouldn’t look, but he couldn’t help it. Collins was all long limbs and slender waist, his skin didn’t have a single blemish, just perfect porcelain. Farrier drank in the sight, and when he looked up to Collins’ face, he was smiling, in some banter with his friends, but Farrier didn’t miss it when those blue eyes darted to him. He wished he could have held eye contact but Farrier quickly averted his gaze, mentally telling himself off for staring.  
  
Collins and the group walked up to the middle of the grass to sit and eat.  
“I can’t believe you’ve never been in a pool” Dawson said,  
“Aye stop bringin’ it up!” Collins laughed.  
“No I’m not teasing, it’s just interesting. What else do you find weird here?” he asked,  
“Well puttin’ a train in a tunnel is just stupid” Collins laughed,  
“The tunnels have vents, what you see is mostly steam, not smoke” Wingnut added,  
“Ya but it still smells like smoke, and it’s just.. Weird comin’ from a place where we didn’t need to put them underground, we had more than enough space.” Collins said. He watched as Farrier and Canfield laughed together.  
  
“Very nice day, isn’t it?” Canfield remarked,  
“Indeed, I’m even considering taking this damn coverup off like the boys, it’s making me cold and I want to enjoy the warmth” Farrier said. “I’m glad you’re getting better with your body” Canfield said,  
“You know, sometimes you’re a little too personal” Farrier laughed as he unbuttoned the front,  
“My apologies. It just makes me glad that you’re okay with it” Canfield said,  
“Yeah I know what you mean” Farrier smiled,  
“It’s healing well, nothing more I can do” he said as he shrugged it off his shoulders.  
If Collins was going to list another strange thing about being in a city, it was lost in his mind when he saw Farrier shrugging down the top part of the coverup. He was golden, and broad and strong. Farrier fell back and rested on his elbows, the muscles on his upper back bunched and his skin creased along his spine.  
“Okay, I guess that is pretty impressive” Dawson said, Collins snapped his head to the side to look at his friend who was smirking, Collins shoved him earning a laugh, and felt his cheeks getting red.  
“So, any more strange things in this city?” Wingnut tried to distract Collins,  
“Uh” he tried to think, but with Farrier shirtless in front of him it was exponentially more difficult.  
“Oh, here we go boys” Dawson said, Canfield was wrapping the top of his coverup around his waist as well, earning a sniggering from Dawson and Wingnut,  
“Ey let him go, he’s just like us, wants to feel the warm sun” Collins smiled at the old man.  
“Yeah yeah fair enough” Dawson said.  
Farrier let his eyes shut as he soaked in the sunlight.  
“I’ll police the races again, not to worry” Canfield said,  
“Oh no, you can’t, it’s not fair” Farrier protested.  
“Nonsense, you stay here until your group Farrier” Canfield said as he began to pull the top of his coverup back on,  
“Are you absolutely sure?” Farrier asked,  
“Yes Tom. It’s easy, it’s standing there blowing a whistle!” Canfield smiled and stood up slowly, Farrier sighed.  
“Thank you Canfield, I appreciate it” he said as he lay his head against the grass.  
“Of course” Canfield said before blowing the whistle he still had.  
“Group one be ready for your second race please!” he announced before making his way to the head of the pool once more.  
  
Farrier actually nearly fell asleep in the sun, until some boys ran past yelling at each other, after which he sat up quickly and blinked the sleep away. Johnson and Charles, of course.  
“Cut it out you two, you’re not children!” he yelled after them, but they didn’t stop. He made eye contact with Canfield who was standing at the pool edge and the older man smiled as if to say, what can I do, earning a chuckle from Farrier. Then he stood up, deciding to visit the kiosk. Collins tried his hardest to look away as the man in front of him stood up revealing his side as he walked away to the kiosk.  
“This place is pretty dangerous for you mate” Dawson said, Collins looked to him expecting to see a joking expression but there wasn’t one, instead a sad look on his face.  
“Well, it’s my fault, I’m pretty terrible at hiding anythin’” he said with a sigh,  
“Well you can’t control who you fancy” Wingnut said,  
“Ya, it’s just difficult ya know? I can never be in a relationship or anythin’” Collins said,  
“Can we no’ talk about this lads?” Collins asked,  
“Yeah, sorry mate” Wingnut said, Dawson patted him on the back.  
“Anyone want more food?” Dawson asked,  
“No’ really, might get a stitch when we swim if we eat too much” Collins said,  
“Ah you’ll be fine, c’mon” he urged,  
“Sorry Dawson, stayin’ here” Collins said lying down.  
“Fine, Timson?” he asked,  
“Nah you’re alright” he said and lay back like Collins.  
The two boys lay in the sun for a few minutes before Collins felt a familiar feeling,  
“I’m gonna get so burnt today” he said, sitting up.  
“Yeah you are” Wingnut smiled, Collins put his coverup back on properly, as nice as the sun was. Dawson was walking back now with a small white paper bag, Farrier wasn’t far behind him, the man had also pulled his coverup back onto his torso and was in the process of buttoning it back up, yet Collins still couldn’t stop his gaze from drifting down the expanse of his front. A light covering of dark hair spread across his chest, and as Collins eyes dipped lower he saw something that made his stomach drop. A long scar dragged over the muscles of the man’s lower torso, it was big, and jagged. Seeing that, Collins just couldn’t focus on the strong muscles that covered Farrier’s body, he looked up to see Farrier’s blue eyes looking at him already, Collins looked away, it was already getting to the blonde to see that on Farrier’s body, he didn’t want to think about it anymore.  
He looked sad Farrier thought of Collins, he himself would be too seeing the mess on his torso, Farrier thought. He quickly buttoned his coverup again and walked back to the tree he was leaning against earlier. Granted, he’d felt comfortable enough having it off for a while but he didn’t need Collins seeing him, seeing his scar which was absolutely impossible to hide while shirtless. Farrier unwrapped and stuck a Mintie in his mouth from the small bag of them he’d bought.  
“Jeez” Wingnut said quietly,  
“What?” Collins asked,  
“Did ya see Farrier’s scar just then? Thought that’s what you were looking at” he said,  
“Oh, yae it was” Collins murmured.  
“Wonder what happened” Wingnut said, before Collins could answer Dawson was with them,  
“Want some?” he held out the white paper bag full of snake sweets.  
  
Before Collins knew it Canfield was calling them for their next race. Collins was back in the pool, the water was still unnaturally warm and smelled strange. The whistle blew, and Collins made sure not to push off as hard as he had last time, pacing himself from the beginning. He also made a point of not opening his eyes under the water. When they reached the other end of the pool, he saw that he was ahead of Dawson and Timson, as well as some of the others racing. Spirits lifted he kept pushing, but was beginning to tire when he was halfway back to the start, the blonde supposed maybe the extra push at the start was worth it after all. Collins reached the finish line behind both Dawson and Timson, as well as Farrier and some of the other competitors, but not by much.  
“Well done boys” Canfield said to them all as they got out of the pool again.  
“Actually pretty tiring, innit” Farrier laughed with Canfield as they walked back to the grass,  
“Yes, I was fashionably last again in mine” the older man said, Farrier patted his shoulder.  
“At least you finished” he said.  
A few minutes later they were all back in the pool floating again, though at the five minute mark Farrier got out with Canfield, earning a fair amount of playful jabs to which he responded,  
“I was literally the last person in the pool in the first round, I can’t be bothered”.  
As expected Collins didn’t last as long as he had the first time, although he came close, getting out just after Wingnut and just before Dawson.  
“Right men, you can go and get changed now, we’ve got a bit of time to hang about so don’t rush. We’ll let you know when we’re leaving soon” Canfield said as the boys walked off together.  
Well I’m hungry, I’ll meet yae back on the grass?” Collins asked.  
“Yeah sure” Wingnut answered. Collins walked into the change rooms and retrieved some coins from the pocket of his uniform and bought some assorted Rowntree’s.  
  
Wingnut and Dawson sat on the grass shivering, not sure if it would be cooler taking the coverups off again or not, as the sun had ducked behind the clouds.  
“Hey, you know how I bought some sweets earlier?” Dawson asked,  
“Yeah? What of it?” Wingnut replied,  
“And how Farrier was there, and how we all had our coverups down?” he pressed,  
“Where’s this going, Dawson?” Wingnut asked.  
“Well, on one of his arms were some scars..” Dawson left the sentence hanging.  
“Well yeah, he’s a veteran, did you not notice his stomach?” Wingnut almost laughed.  
“Yeah I did, but no I mean like… Scars, deliberate looking. Ya know?” Dawson had a stern expression,  
“Oh” a little sad word escaped Wingnut.  
“That.. That’s really sad” said the brunette.  
“Yeah, it is. But do we tell-“ Dawson motioned to the lanky blonde ordering something from the kiosk.  
“No, well, I don’t know, maybe” Wingnut said,  
“I think he should know, but I dunno how to say it” Dawson said,  
“Yeah, I mean we can tell him later tonight or something” Wingnut said.  
“Yeah, but it’ll hurt him.” Dawson said as he watched Collins happily plod along the grass towards him eating sweets.  
“He should know.” Wingnut murmured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): Implied/references self harm/scars
> 
> Well there ya have it, last chapter before Christmas. Hope you all enjoyed reading and have a wonderfully festive week ahead! 
> 
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat.
> 
> Until next chapter everyone ❤️


	24. New knowledge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MERRY CHRISTMAS!! I know I’m awful at uploading on time I’m sorry, I was cooking all day for Christmas lmao sonow it’s actually the early hours of Tuesday. Beware, this chapter is a little sad, didn’t mean for its upload to coincide with Christmas :/ anyway, hopefully it’s still enjoyable to read❤️
> 
> Trigger warning(s) listed in end notes.

“Wha’ yae talkin about then?” Collins asked, holding the bag of sweets out to share with the two boys sitting on the grass before him.  
“Nothing important mate” Dawson covered.  
“Not getting’ away that easily” Collins said, but didn’t push.  
The boys soon got changed out of the wet coverups. Collins’ uniform felt uncomfortable against his damp skin, but he convinced himself he’d dry on the walk back to base.  
The boys still went jogging that night, exhausted as they were, it ended up being rather short and earlier than usual. At dinner they ate hungrily.  
“Swimming makes you so hungry” Dawson remarked,  
“Sure does” Wingnut said back.

Collins had a sinking feeling all afternoon, he wasn’t sure what those two had been talking about when he’d walked up to them, but he assumed it was about him since they abruptly stopped when he got close and looked awfully nervous. He ate in silence, trying to work out what they could have been saying about him.  
“What is it mate?” Wingnut ended up asking.  
Collins thought before answering,  
“What were yae sayin’ about me at the pool?” he asked, baby blue eyes boring into them both.  
“Oh, we weren’t talking about you” Wingnut said defensively.  
“No? Why’d yae stop when I got there and gave me this weird look?” Collins pressed, irritated.  
“Mate, we’ll tell you but not here” Dawson said. His expression was earnest. Collins sighed,  
“Fine” he relented.  
Later that night, Collins rounded them both into his room for a game of cards, completely forgotten was the topic the two had been talking about behind his back.  
“Ya know, to be honest I’m getting tired, from the swimming I think. Wanna call it a night?” Collins asked,  
“Yeah, but you should know what we were talking about” Dawson said, putting his cards down.  
“Oh yeat I forgot, okay what then?” Collins asked, stacking the cards together and giving them to Wingnut, the owner.  
Dawson and Timson looked at each other not knowing how to start, Dawson was always better with words so Wingnut gestured to him to begin. The blonde took a deep breath in.  
“So you probably saw Farrier today with less on than usual” Dawson began,  
“Oh what’s this aboot?” Collins embarrassedly laughed,  
“No, listen mate.” Wingnut said,  
“You saw the scar on his front yeah?” the brunette continued.  
“Uh yeah, kinda soured my mood” Collins admitted, his friends quietened,  
“Oh?” Wingnut said to keep the conversation going.  
“I dunno, just looks bad, ya know?” Collins said sadly looking at the floor. Timson’s heart ached, he really didn’t want to tell Collins anymore, it was going to cause him more pain, and why was it necessary in the first place to tell him?  
“Maybe we can save this for another time then, yeah?” Wingnut suggested,  
“Nae, you’ve gotten yourself in too deep my friend, tell me” Collins said. Timson looked slightly panicked and looked to Dawson for help. The blonde began,  
“We saw… Well I saw” he fidgeted.  
“C’mon” Collins said,  
“I saw… Scars on his wrist.” Dawson relented, and hung his head.  
Collins looked at him, and then Wingnut, with a blank expression,  
“Okay? He’s got quite a few, he’s a veteran” Collins said, confused as to why this was important.  
“These ones, Collins, looked very deliberate” Dawson said solemnly.  
“How could they be deliberate? Donnae make sense. I don’t get it boys, yae he’s got scars, I know that” Collins said,  
“So can I sleep now, is that all?” he added. Dawson wanted to back out, but knew they’d said too much. Pulling up his sleeve, he used his fingernail to mark white lines across his wrist,  
“They looked like this Collins, are you following me?” he said slowly, Collins watched Dawson’s movement,  
“Must’ve been a weird injury I guess?” Collins said, his voice going up at the end, now unsure of what he was being told.  
“Mate… we think.. Well we basically know…” Wingnut tried and Dawson took over.  
“Collins, have you ever heard of self harm?” he was careful with his tone, keeping it quiet and soft. An alarm went off in Collins’ mind,  
“No, never” he said, and he genuinely hadn’t, but it wasn’t hard to imagine what it was.  
“It’s something that can happen when somebody gets very… Depressed. Or when someone has shell shock. Or, well, it’s like a coping mechanism from what I can gather.” Wingnut said, fiddling with the deck of cards. The boys sat on the floor of Collins’ room in silence.

Farrier entered his room and shut the door behind him, immediately putting the heater on and closing his curtains. He was tired from the day, and regretted taking the coverup off partially, as much as he enjoyed the sun on his skin again and seeing Canfield’s happiness at his confidence he went back into his shell when Collins entered the picture, wishing he’d seen nothing.

“Farrier’s no’ depressed or shell shocked lads, donnae try and tell me that” he began to freak out.  
“No no, we aren’t” Dawson put his hands out to try and calm the boy.  
“We’re just saying, that maybe he was once” Dawson tried.  
“No he cannae, I won’t-“ Collins tried to say, his thoughts were clouding his sentences and he began to withdraw inside his mind, there were a million things whizzing through his brain, he couldn’t do anything.  
“Be calm Collins. They were scars not new cuts yeah? That’s a good thing” Wingnut said placing a hand on Collins’ shoulder. That thought didn’t help at all.

Farrier heard something in the next room, possibly the first time he had. Collins had always kept to his word about being quiet, but he heard the boy’s voice. It sounded strained, not happy. Farrier told himself to stop listening out as he changed out of his uniform, but he didn’t stop, if anything he moved slowly and quietly to listen more.  
Collins felt his eyes burning, he wasn’t sure if he was sad or angry.  
“Hey it’s okay mate!” Dawson shook him in an attempt to stop the tears.  
“I wannae be alone, go.” Collins said quietly, his voice cracked.  
The two boys resigned and left his room, Collins he crawled into bed, letting the tears fall from his eyes. He wished he didn’t know, but also couldn’t bear the thought of being in the dark about this. He so desperately wanted to talk to Farrier about it, he needed to know he’d stopped and was happy and- then another thought occurred to Collins. He was concerned about Farrier’s happiness, he wanted him to be happy, genuinely, and wanted to see him happy. Somehow that thought made him sad, thinking about a time when Farrier was sad enough to hurt himself.

  
Farrier walked out into the hallway, hoping for another ‘accidental’ meeting with the blonde Scot that had almost completely occupied his mind for many months. Collins was out here at some point almost every night, so he had high hopes.

  
The blonde’s mind was racing, he was struggling to process what he’d been told, struggling to believe it. He knew Farrier was quiet, could be somewhat cold and distant, but he never imagined this may be why. He’d stopped allowing tears to fall, forcing himself into composure, but he felt numb inside. Collins didn’t consider himself someone who cried often, but he put it down to the little games he’d been playing with Farrier since he arrived, the subtle hints they’d been dropping each other without saying anything, that made him really care about the man, care enough to bring himself to tears over the knowledge that Farrier might not be happy. He rubbed his face and decided to go downstairs and wash it with cold water. There was some arbitrary thought about toughening up as he left his room, but it was forgotten when he saw just the person he didn’t want to see looking out into the quadrangle from the hallway.  
“Hello Collins” the man said, his voice was so soft, so full of trust and content, Collins couldn’t walk away from that.  
“Hiya” he tried to say, it came out as more of a crackle so he cleared his throat nervously and tried again.  
“Hiya, Farrier” he didn’t get too close, Collins could feel his cheeks were red and didn’t want any prodding questions.  
“You did well today, so did your friends” Farrier said.  
“Thanks, warm water makes it easy” he said, looking out the window instead of at Farrier.  
“I gather you didn’t have that up there?” Farrier said, crossing his arms with a smile.  
“Nae, swam in the near freezing loch, or river all year round, whichever was warmer. Both didnae get what you’d call ‘warm’” Collins replied, almost smiling at the memory.  
“Sounds absolutely lovely” Farrier sarcastically chuckled.  
“Was” Collins said seriously, still looking out the window.  
“Scottish people are… quite different” Farrier remarked.  
“Aye to you lot we are” Collins said, not sure if he should be offended by the odd comment or not.  
“We’re different to each other too, us Scots, school excursion took us to Glasgow once, some lad said “Where the fuck are you from?” to the teacher!” Collins chuckled.  
“Aye Am from the Highlands!” he impersonated the even thicker accent of the teacher, causing a deep rumbling laugh from Farrier.  
“Aye from the Highlands, we have the strongest accent o’ course. Seem to be losin’ it down here though” the blonde said.  
“No you’re not” Farrier said fondly.  
Collins’ origins were a common topic of interest to Farrier, the blonde had picked up. So far they’d discussed accents, Edinburgh and Glasgow, and small town life.  
“You ever been to Scotland?” Collins asked, curiosity getting the better of him.  
“No, I’ve never left England apart from my time in the war” Farrier chuckled, Collins met his eyes, and immediately regretted it. They were full of joy, openness, trust. Such contrast to the information he’d been told about the man by his friends.  
“Ya, but that was in the plane yae?” Collins crossed his arms.  
“Well mostly, you don’t always land where you want to” Farrier smiled but nervously scratched the back of his head.  
“You’ve crashed?” Collins asked shyly, not sure if he was overstepping something.  
“Yeah I did once, I made a lucky bail as well, once. Both times happened in France, and I was lucky enough that the allies got to me before the others did.” Farrier said, he was still smiling but Collins could tell it was plastered on to hide something else.  
“Were you okay?” Collins asked, somewhat knowing it would make Farrier uncomfortable, but he was too curious.  
“Ah, nothing I couldn’t walk off” Farrier smiled warmly at him, Collins wasn’t sure he believed it. Farrier looked over at the blonde, he looked uncomfortable, he was shifting his weight from leg to leg and his eyes were looking out to the courtyard, but Farrier could tell he wasn’t really looking at anything.  
Collins glanced at Farrier’s left wrist instinctually, he’d tried not to but his eyes had darted down anyway. There was nothing he could see because the man was in long sleeves, but he almost wished he could see, to have confirmation. Farrier didn’t miss the glance Collins threw down at his arm, and hoped his gut feeling about why was wrong.  
“What’s on your mind?” Farrier said softly, turning his body to face Collins.  
“Uh, just.. Ya know, stuff” Collins mumbled, there was no way he could work up the courage to actually tell Farrier.  
“Well,” he patted Collins’ shoulder,  
“I hope you figure your ‘stuff’ out.” he smiled.  
“Thanks” Collins said quietly, trying not to look at Farrier in the eyes.  
“I’m off to bed now, see you tomorrow.” Farrier said as he walked into his room.  
“Night” Collins called back. When Farrier’s door shut the blonde made his way downstairs to wash his face.

 

The next day the sky was a brilliant blue and there wasn’t a cloud in sight, Collins had swallowed his pity, Farrier was fine now he thought, he’d seen the man laughing at breakfast, and Collins put his own emotions last night down to exhaustion. Though he still had trouble pushing the new information about Farriee out of his mind.  
“Right class, today we’ll be learning about safety in and around planes” Canfield broke through Collins’ thoughts.  
“Here we go” Dawson muttered to Collins. Indeed, it seemed like there was an awful lot of safety procedures to remember, so much that Collins thought it seemed a bit over the top.  
“So depending on the if the plane has any, you will have to take the canvas covers off before starting anything” Canfield said, Wingnut yawned.  
“Mr Timson, am I boring you?” the older man asked,  
“No sir, not at all” Wingnut went red-faced and Canfield smiled a small smile.  
“So who can tell me the first thing to do after taking any covers off the plane?” Canfield asked. Collins’ hand went up, as well as a handful of others.  
“Collins” Canfield chose him.  
“Make sure the chocks are in place before climbing onto the plane?”  
“Very good. Because if we don’t do that the vehicle may move of course” Canfield said.  
“Now, once we’ve climbed onto it, let’s say it’s a fighter so you are going to get straight into the cockpit. What do we do as soon as we’ve gotten into the cockpit?” Canfield asked. Collins left his hand down though he knew the answer.  
“Peterson” Canfield pointed with the chalk for the board.  
“You need to check that everything looks correct inside, but don’t start the engine” the boy said.  
“Very good, yes.” Canfield replied.  
“Why can’t we start the engine if we’re ready?” asked Anderson.  
“Because the ground crew still need to check the plane. You may be ready, but the bird mightn’t be. That, and the ground crew will be in front of the plane inspecting the engine and propeller, so if you start the engine that could be very serious indeed” Canfield said.  
The lesson ended and the three friends walked out feeling burdened with safety procedures, Canfield didn’t even get time to describe anything past getting into the plane.  
“I had no clue it was that well thought out, I thought you just got in and went. That’s how we did it in civil flying school” Wingnut said,  
“Yeah same, I guess they got everything ready for us to just get in, but now we’re learning what they did” Dawson agreed.  
“I do think its good we know all this, but fuck that was a borin’ lesson” Collins said as they walked to the sandwich bar for lunch. A cool wind had begun to blow though the sky was still blue. The boys sat outside the store on a bench as they ate.  
“So you’re okay now mate?” Dawson asked Collins.  
“Yeah, just needed to think on it a bit, I’ll be okay” Collins smiled, though it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about.  
“You two going anywhere for the holidays?” Wingnut asked.  
“Holidays?” Collins repeated.  
“Do you never look at the calendar? We have a week off at the end of the month before we go into our first course in the training department station” Dawson said with an amused look.  
“Oh, that’s great” Collins said with a mouthful of sandwich.  
“Well I obviously haven’t planned anything” he added.  
“I might go back to Weymouth and see my family I think, gotta go swimming again before it gets too cold.” Dawson said.  
“I might try and get back to Scotland, dunno” Collin thought out loud,  
“I like it here so much, and my parents might not be so accommodating” he laughed.  
“Yeah, why’s that?” Wingnut asked,  
“Ah they just…” Collins thought of the right words.  
“They’re kinda disappointed in me” he said, looking Wingnut in the eye, he saw sadness in his friend’s expression.  
“I mean maybe I’ll go visit, we’ll see” Collins took another bite of food.  
“They got nothing to be disappointed about, their boy’s in the RAF!” Dawson said, trying to cheer Collins,  
“Ya I think so too, it’s that I’m a homosexual, guys” Collins said quietly.  
“Can’t it be overlooked?” Wingnut asked,  
“Well I wish, but mae Daw especially cannae see me as a proper man” Collins sighed.  
“Let’s walk back” he added, standing up with the remainder of his lunch.  
After lunch they had a class with one of the officers who they hadn’t even met before.  
“Greetings class, I’m officer Maxwell. I’m filling in for Canfield as he has an appointment” the man said. He was average looking in every way to Collins.  
“What appointment might that be? Johnson asked leaning back in his chair.  
“An appointment that doesn’t concern the students” Maxwell said without much thought as he turned to the board.  
“Now, I’ve been instructed to continue on safety from the previous lesson.” The class groaned.  
“If you don’t know how to get into a plane safely, you’re putting yourself in just as much danger as you are flying into enemy fire.” Maxwell said in a stern voice.  
Collins was in more of a learning mood now than before, and was subsequently less bored.  
“So you got up to entering the plane?” Maxwell asked, a few nods around the classroom confirmed.  
“Okay, so you need to pay attention to the ground crew, they signal when it’s okay to start the engine and what-not.” He said.  
“So be watching out of both sides of the cockpit canopy for them to give you the all go. Then you can close the canopy by pulling the wire. Do not close it by holding the actual canopy, and do not slam it any harder than you need to.” He said, and began to write the points in short on the board, Collins copied them down with the rest of the class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): implied/referenced self harm/scars
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading, hope some of it wasn’t too heavy for you. Hope everyone’s enjoying the festivities, see you next chapter!


	25. Holiday plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand second chapter of the night!! Thank me later, also this ones a bit sad too I’m sorry okay, but it’s got happy notes as well
> 
> Trigger warning(s) in end notes.

Canfield sat in his office on the phone to the Air Ministry.  
“We would like to convert RAF Gatwick into a functioning air base, we would of course preserve the training, but when the inevitable happens Officer Canfield, we will need every available landing ground we can get our hands on.” A crackly voice came over the telephone. Canfield’s chest welled up with excitement.  
“Of course! Our grounds are in near perfect condition. After raising the level and bringing in more guttering we no longer have the flooding problem.” Canfield said,  
“Excellent, I was wondering about that, but what great news, Canfield. How many students are you currently teaching?”  
“We have three hundred and sixteen this year sir, though not many are boarding.” He answered.  
“That’s good, that will be more than sufficient if we need to send squadrons there. So there’s plenty of room?” the man asked.  
“Oh yes, if squadrons needed to stay here we could house four quite comfortably, five if need be” Canfield said, Farrier walked into the office and Canfield put a finger to his mouth to tell the man to be quiet. Farrier put his hands up in mock surrender and smiled. He rummaged around Canfield’s desk and got his hands swatted away, so he waited in the seat opposite the man’s desk until his phone call had finished.  
“Yes the underground dining area is a bunker” Canfield said over the phone, earning him a quizzical look from Farrier, which he ignored.  
“Indeed, I had heard there was some construction going on for future conflicts but I never did get the details.” The man said.  
“Yes it’s just as large in ground area as the building, and can hold four hundred and fifty people in it if we remove the tables and chairs.” Canfield replied.  
“Very well!” the man chuckled.  
“Well the Ministry is quite overloaded currently, but we might send the CAS over in some months to survey the grounds and advise us of anything to note?” Canfield struggled to swallow.  
“Yes that would be very well, we’ll be grateful to show him everything here at Gatwick.”  
“Excellent, we’ll send the date when we know it, thank you for your time, Wing Commander Canfield.” The man said.  
“Thank you, Air Commodore Hector” he said, and put the phone down. Farrier was visibly nervous.  
“What was all that about?” Farrier said lowly. Canfield took a breath.  
The Air Ministry wants to convert Gatwick into a full time base in the near future in preparations for another conflict. They’re going to be sending the Chief of the Air Staff in a few months for evaluation.” Canfield said matter-of-factly. After a few seconds he let a smile creep onto his face, and Farrier followed.  
“Jesus” Farrier said and stood up, the men embraced.  
“That’s amazing!” Farrier said.  
“Yes, I had no expectations for it at all!” Canfield laughed.  
“Now, what were you looking for?” Canfield asked.  
“I can’t find my watch” Farrier said absent-mindedly.  
“Checked your bedside drawer?” Canfield asked.  
“Yeah, checked everywhere. I hope it didn’t somehow fall off somewhere stupid” Farrier said.  
“I’m sure it’ll turn up somewhere, Tom” Canfield smiled.  
“Yeah” Farrier said.  
“So your meeting is over?”  
“Yes, went a lot faster than I expected, usually when the Ministry calls it’s for forty minutes or more. Maybe I should go and take my class” Canfield chuckled, they both made for the door.  
“You could- oh! The Harvard is fixed!” Farrier said.  
“Oh lovely, what a grand day this is!” Canfield replied.  
“How’s Miller?” the old man asked.  
“Haven’t had much chance to talk to him, but Maxwell says he’s fine, which is great to hear” Farrier said as they walked up the corridor to Canfield’s classroom.  
“You don’t have a class right now?” Canfield asked.  
“No, I’ve got a break” Farrier said.  
“Why don’t you go see if the kitchen is still empty, see what we can do about it, no good if students can’t cook for themselves here.” Canfield said.  
“Okay” Farrier smiled and continued down the hall when Canfield entered his classroom.  
“Hello Maxwell” he said.  
“Oh, Hello Canfield. Your meeting is over?” he asked.  
Canfield nodded and walked into the room over to his desk.  
“Thanks for taking over for me, even if only for half the lesson.” He said,  
“Of course, we were up to the importance of wearing the parachute correctly” Maxwell said as he began to walk out.  
“Alright, thank you!” Canfield said as the other man left the room.  
“Right class, why is it important to wear the parachute properly?” he asked.  
“Fairly self-explanatory I think” Charles said with a smirk.  
“Fair enough” Canfield chuckled.

  
Farrier checked every cupboard, and didn’t find anything except for some old teabags and stale crackers. He got some paper from his office and began a list of food to put into the kitchen, that would be used and that would last a long time. He also made a mental note to put a sign up for the students in the kitchen about keeping it clean, and replacing food yourself to contribute to the communal kitchen. After completing his list and leaving it on Canfield’s desk, along with a note to take it out of Farrier’s own pay knowing otherwise Canfield would pay for it all, he decided to go and check the newly repaired plane.  
The brunette walked out onto the grass and over the landing strip to the hangar that the Harvard was in.  
Collins saw Farrier walking outside, he followed where the man was walking but realised he’d been looking away from the front for suspiciously long, so he pulled his eyes from Farrier and back to the board.  
The plane looked great, it had been polished and painted and the fuselage looked just as it was supposed to.  
The class was finally over, and Collins internally sighed, it had been a long lesson. He walked down the hall, well behind his friends who had run off after each other. He liked walking in the empty halls, the base was a very nice building to Collins, all dark wood and ornate embellishes. He meandered down the hall looking out the window into the courtyard, half a thought passed through his mind about what the physical lesson this week would be. He approached the corner, walking past the door which led to the locker room and shower and subsequently outside, remembering getting measured by Farrier there. As if the thought had some magical effect, the door swung inward quickly, and Farrier stepped out. Collins was startled but didn’t jump this time.  
“Oh, sorry” Farrier said, but his voice trailed off upon realising how close in proximity he was to Collins. His eyes trailed down to the boy’s lips but then darted back up to his eyes. Collins couldn’t be bothered taking his eyes off Farrier, who was slightly mesmerised  looking up at Collins, who was crowding him in the doorway. Farrier had to end this moment, it was far too heated and both of them knew it, it was a miracle nobody had walked past and seen them. Farrier gently put his hand on Collins’ side, he felt him jump underneath his touch and saw heat rise in Collins’ cheeks. Farrier pushed him to the side with the hand that was holding him. He smirked back at Collins as he walked off down the hallway. All Collins could do was brace an arm on the wall and exhale.

Collins walked upstairs and sat in his room. He was usually not in a particularly social mood, but his friends always dragged him into games, this was an opportunity to be by himself because miraculously they hadn’t asked him to play anything, yet. He wanted to draw, but Collins just lay on his bed reliving Farrier’s touch on his body. His hand was big and warm, and strong. If Collins imagined hard enough, he could still feel it. He wanted to feel it again, and more.

The next day Collins was alerted that he had mail, it was from his parents. The letter didn’t hold any particular value, except that his house had purchased a telephone and it was now hooked up to the town phone line. Upon reading the number Collins told Canfield so he had an emergency contact, and then made a very expensive call to them that afternoon.  
“Aye this is Don Collins speaking?” Collins’ father’s voice came through the telephone and a wave of nerves hit Collins’ stomach,  
“Da, it’s me” he said excitedly.  
“Jack! Great of yae to call, lad. How’s work doon there?” Don’s husky voice rang through.  
“Ya it’s great, the base is so big and there’s so much to do, it’s so good” he said, smiling though nobody could see.  
“How’s Ma?” Collins asked,  
“Aye she’s well, cannae complain.” His father said. The wind blew outside the telephone box and Collins shivered.  
“I was ringin’ to say that, ah, we have a week of holidays soon. I was wonderin’ if I could come up” he nervously fiddled with the phone cord.  
“Well of course you can lad! When will it be?” his father sounded happy, but not elated.  
“Last week of this month” Collins said,  
“Great! You gonna catch the train or?” Don asked.  
“Train ye, it’ll be nice to see you two again” Collins said before adding,  
“Yae know, this phone call is costing a lot Da, I might have tae go soon” Collins heard a chuckle through the line.  
“Of course son, and nae it’s not cheap. We’ll see you soon then!” he said.  
“Sure will, love you Da” Collins said.  
“Love you too son.” Don said before hanging the phone up. It was cold outside the phone box but Collins felt warm from the conversation.  
The remaining weeks of the term passed with, to both Collins’  
And Farrier’s disappointment, no more happenings. There were a few chats they shared outside their rooms as usual, but it was strictly business, Farrier made a point of not asking personal questions as much as he could upon realising how very hard he had fallen.  
Until Collins’ second to last night being at the base before leaving for Aviemore, when he found the opportunity to finally tell Farrier he was going away. It was another night time conversation in the corridor, when everyone else was fast asleep. Collins had genuinely gone into the corridor with the intention of drawing, fed up with the view from his bedroom window. Inevitably, Farrier had come out soon after hearing the blonde’s door, staging it as an accident as usual.  
“So” Farrier said, leaning against the windowsill, he waited for Collins to look over at him before continuing.  
“Are you going away for the holidays?” he asked, he held a calm smile but his stomach churned in anticipation.  
“Actually I am” Collins said, he was happy but it hurt to say it to Farrier. The man’s smile didn’t leave his face, but Collins knew Farrier wasn’t glad to hear he was going. Farrier hummed to himself and looked down at his clasped hands in front of him.  
“Where?” he asked, not looking up.  
“Home” Collins couldn’t keep the smile from his mouth. He looked down from Farrier to the sketchbook he never opened.  
“For the whole week?” Farrier asked,  
“Yeah” Collins replied, not really knowing what else to say. After a silence he decided on,  
“Are you going away?”  
“No, nowhere to go really” Farrier laughed and looked at Collins with a sad smile.  
“Ah, sure yae got somewhere” Collins smiled.  
“Not really” Farrier said sighing, he didn’t mind but it was a fact.  
“Not even with yer parents?” Collins pressed, but immediately regretted doing so when Farrier began shifting around uncomfortably.  
“Well my father and I don’t really have a healthy relationship, unfortunately.” Farrier said, with half a smile on his face, Collins didn’t know how to make the situation better.  
“Wha’ about yer mum?” he arrived at. There was a silence and Farrier looked through the window, moonlight illuminating his face. His eyes fell and looked down at the courtyard.  
“My mum’s dead.” His voice was quiet, and full of sadness. Collins felt winded, there was nothing coming to his mouth to say, he couldn’t believe he’d brought this conversation to such an awful point.  
“Farrier…” he began, the man looked at him, his eyes clear but his face showing too much sorrow, Collins wished he’d never gone down this path of questions.  
“Farrier I’m so, so sorry” Collins couldn’t maintain eye contact.  
“It.. It’s okay” Farrier stammered, clearing his throat.  
“She was very sick, but she kept it from me because I was so young, I believed her healthy until-“ he stopped talking after that, he was looking up to stop tears falling.  
“What was she like?” Collins asked quietly, hoping this would somehow remedy the conversation.  
“The best” Farrier replied with a small nostalgic smile,  
“She loved me no matter what I did or said, or wanted to do or say.” he almost laughed and then looked into Collins’ eyes, the blonde couldn’t look away, Collins was almost certain he was referring to his sexual preference and that she didn’t care.  
“I suppose thanks to Mum I have this job, actually” Farrier continued, looking out the window again. The moonlight caught the scattered few scars on his head, illuminating the pale skin.  
“Oh ya? How’s that?” Collins asked, relieved the mood had lightened somewhat.  
“Well Canfield is an old family friend actually, and as a young man I was really struggling to get employed. Canfield owned a plane and flew it in fairs and the like. My mother asked him if I could help him with it, not even necessarily fly it but just help with the upkeep and what-not. He already had a few other men that helped and also flew their own planes, and they got paid for their work. Of course Canfield agreed to take me on” Farrier explained using his hands.  
“Oh that’s great” Collins smiled.  
“Yes it was incredibly kind of him. So I would learn to do the engine work, polish the plane, that kind of thing, so he didn’t have to. He got enough from all the fairs, flying events and the like that he didn’t mind paying me a bit.” Farrier smiled downwards.  
“So he would get paid for flyin?” Collins asked.  
“Yeah, they used to hold competitions, who was the fastest, who could do this or that trick better, that kind of thing. Eventually he began letting me fly sometimes, and that’s how it started.” Farrier explained.  
“The novelty of planes kind of stopped when the war broke out though and they realised they could weaponise them” he added.  
“I can imagine” Collins said, though the fascination hadn’t yet worn off on him.  
“So how did that transition into Squadron Leader?” Collins wondered aloud.  
“Well do you know how the RAF started?” Farrier asked.  
“No’ really” Collins replied scratching the back of his neck.  
Farrier fondly smiled out the window.  
“Well in 1912, the army realised it could use planes in war, so it formed a branch called the Royal Flying Corps. Most of the pilots were men like Canfield and I, who had experience flying in events and as hobbies, and when they began training more pilots for the war it wasn’t like this regimental stuff you’re doing, it was very much touch and go” Farrier explained.  
“Interesting. So you two learned from experience, none of this studying?” Collins joked.  
“Unfortunately we didn’t have the luxury of this studying, we were thrust into dangerous machines with little idea what we were doing” Farrier smiled back, causing Collins to huff in jest.  
“But yeah anyway, that turned into the RAF in 1918 when it branched away from the army and became a seperate thing, and here we are” Farrier smiled and crossed his arms.  
“Right then” Collins said smiling back.  
“I should get to bed” Collins said after a moment of just looking at each other.  
“Okay, you don’t want to stay up any longer?” Farrier found himself asking, he wanted Collins to stay later, selfishly.  
“I mean, I can” Collins smiled.  
“Wanna see some of my work?” he added. He felt like Farrier wouldn’t judge his art.  
“Yes please” Farrier said softly, moving closer to Collins, who was immensely glad of the fact. He flipped through his older work to his newest pages.  
“So this is my watch, of course” he showed a sketch of his watch sitting on a table.  
“Is that a new watch?” Farrier asked, eyeing out the real thing on Collins’ arm.  
“Kinda, for my birthday” he smiled before turning the page.  
“Who gave it to you?” Farrier asked,  
“Ah Wingnut an’ Dawson” Collins answered. Farrier only smiled in response, happy inside that it wasn’t a secret admirer.  
“An’ this is just somethin’ for practice I did” Collins said as he turned the page to a pair of hands, one wringing the wrist of the other.  
“Sometimes I struggle with drawing people, I mean I never draw their faces but ye” Collins said,  
“Why not draw faces?” Farrier asked, leaning against the windowsill.  
“Well, s’pose they’ve got too many aspects, perfections, imperfections, I cannae capture the complexity so I donnae try because-“ he looked at Farrier, who wasn’t looking at the book as Collins thought, but at him.  
“Won’t be perfect, not even close to perfect” the blonde finished, blue eyes looking into blue eyes. Farrier’s lips twitched up on one side into the faintest of smiles. Collins found it very hard to pull his gaze off those plump lips, but he did. Clearing his throat he began,  
“I should get some sleep” hearing his voice sounded too loud in the silence.  
“Me too. Night Collins” Farrier said and began to walk off.  
“And thank you” he added.  
“Wha’ for?” Collins smiled as he reached his door,  
“Listening to me drabble on” Farrier smiled,  
“I’ll be willing to listen to you drabble on any time” Collins said, but quickly darted inside his room upon realising how stupid a thing it was to say aloud. He shut the door and his cheeks felt warm. Farrier smiled contentedly. It was amusing how Collins didn’t seem to have much control over his words, just another little thing that had Farrier completely awestruck. He was just so pure and happy, Farrier realised perhaps that was a reason he fancied him, he wanted to be more like Collins. The man crawled into bed before he could dissect the thought any further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): Parental death
> 
> Well I hope everyone enjoyed! Thanks to all of you who leave kudos and comments, it really means the world to me!! Until next chapter guys ❤️


	26. Arrival in Aviemore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah it’s a bit late because of new year but here’s the next chapter everyone, hope you all enjoy ❤️  
> Fun fact I’ve been to Aviemore several times, can’t remember if I’ve already mentioned that.

Before Collins was entirely ready, it was the day he planned to depart. His suitcase was almost packed, it was seven in the morning and he couldn’t find his pencils. Granted, he hadn’t left his room yet so he exited into the hallway and found them all on the windowsill, internally scolding himself for leaving his belongings around he gathered them up. He went down to breakfast for the last time for a week.

  
“Well have fun up there mate” Dawson said,  
“Ye you two have good times as well” Collins said to Wingnut and Dawson as they ate.  
“Is it gonna be cold?” Wingnut asked,  
“Hopefully” Collins laughed.  
“But it will be colder than here undoubtedly” he added.

Farrier watched as Collins joked with his friends at the breakfast table, he had a heavy feeling inside him that this was the last time he was going to see him all week.  
“What is it?” Canfield asked, seeing Farrier staring seemingly into space.  
“Oh, nothing. Just daydreaming” Farrier said, beginning to eat so he wouldn’t have to talk.  
Then it was time to go for Collins, he exited his room with his suitcase, he was wearing his full uniform as it was a colder day and a completely woollen uniform did wonders. That, and it looked good.  
“Looking dapper for the parents?” Dawson asked as he walked with Collins,  
“Ah, doubt they’d care for that kind of thing, just cold today, and up there especially” Collins explained.  
“Ah they’ll love the uniform, everyone does” Wingnut added. The friends had decided they’d leave base at the same time, all were visiting their families and as the trains from Gatwick were going hourly it made sense.  
“You two go on ahead, I forgot somethin’” Collins muttered as they reached the front door.  
“Well be quick, the train won’t wait for us!” Wingnut called after Collins as he jogged back up the stairs. He had forgotten something, he hadn’t said goodbye to Farrier. He knew it was stupid, but still he ran upstairs and tentatively knocked on Farrier’s door.  
“Who is it?” Came from the other side.  
“Ah, me” Collins said through the wooden door. It swung inwards to reveal Farrier in the same casual clothes he was in at breakfast, light blue pyjama pants with a deep blue turtleneck. Not the spitting image of fashion, but definitely comfortable.  
“Hello Collins, thought you had a train to catch” Farrier said,  
“Ya I do, but I just wanted tae say bye to ya.” Collins mumbled. Farrier’s features went soft at the blonde’s words. Forehead creases disappeared and blue eyes lit up with surprise.  
“Thank you, I didn’t think I was in your thoughts that much that you’d care to say goodbye” Farrier said and leant on the doorframe. He continued,

”Though I’d hoped I was”

the brunette risked a glance at Collins, his expression was telling that he’d tried to come up with one of his flirtatious little retorts, but it seemed this time he was rather too flustered. He just stood there, rosy cheeked but smiling.  
“Well I’ll be off, hope your holidays are well” Collins said quickly after too long a pause.  
“Thanks Collins, you too. Don’t get into too much trouble, something very important is happening when you get back, as you should know.” Farrier smiled knowingly.  
“Wha’?” Collins couldn’t help but say.  
“Ah I shouldn’t tell you, you’ll blab, not sure why you don’t know already to be honest” Farrier chuckled, crossing his arms.  
“Nae I won’t blab! C’mon” Collins cocked his head to the side playfully, his hair flopped along with it.  
Farrier sighed, and told him not because he thought he should, but just to see his face.  
“I was just going to say, the first course at the training department station, what you’ll be beginning when you’re all back from holiday, is when you go into the planes” he said very matter—of-factly. Collins could do nothing but beam, causing Farrier to break out into a smile also. Collins glanced at his watch and realised he couldn’t stay.  
“I have to go!” Collins said, and began off down the hall.  
“Bye Collins, see you next week.” Farrier chuckled after him. Shaking his head Farrier went back into his bedroom, marvelling at how excited the boy was. If he’d only read the pamphlets and weekly bulletins properly he’d have known already, it was amusing that this was Collins’ first time hearing the information, Farrier had just staged it as a secret for fun, but he did wonder if Collins would keep it to himself or not.

  
It was all Collins could do not to tell Wingnut and Dawson as soon as he saw them.  
“Got whatever you needed?” Dawson asked.  
“Ya” Collins replied, getting his sketch book out from the inside pocket of his blazer, acting as if he didn’t have it before.  
“Let’s go then!” Wingnut said, almost jogging down the road in the direction of the train station. The sky was cloudy and by the time the boys reached the Gatwick train station it was beginning to rain slightly. They all boarded the train to London Victoria with a minute to spare, earning them a scornful look from the conductor. Collins caught a small smile on the man’s face as they boarded before he blew the whistle though.  
“So Wingnut, you’re just gonnae get off in London and go?” Collins asked.  
“Yeah, I need to go catch the underground for a bit as well, but yeah my parents live pretty close to London Victoria so it’s not too bad” he explained.  
“An’ you?” Collins asked Dawson,  
“Well I’m gettin’ on an overground train that departs from London Victoria, so I just need to change platforms. You?” Dawson asked.  
“Mine departs from Kings Cross, so I need to find my way there” Collins answered.  
“Hey Collins, I think I know what train yours is. Is it that one called… Uh, something…” Wingnut tried to think. Collins laughed,  
“Aye it has a name, it’s the Flying Scotsman!” he said.  
“Ah that’s it! Yeah I thought it’d be the one with a funny name, come to think of it I don’t know any other trains that go to Scotland” Wingnut added.  
“There aren’t really any that go from doon here, just the Flying Scotsman that goes from London once a day at ten in the morrow” Collins said with a smile.  
“Once a day? Wow” Dawson said in disbelief,  
“Well, once in each direction” Collins added, Dawson scoffed.  
“How long will that take?” Wingnut asked.  
“My train? Seven hours twenty minutes I believe is the new quoted time they’re giving it to get to Edinburgh. Now that food’s allowed on it doesn’t stop in York for so long, just to refuel” Collins said, Dawson and Wingnut exchanged looks.  
“Then I got my second train from Edinburgh into the highlands, an’ that’s two hours.” He added, secretly enjoying how surprised his friends were.  
“Well have fun on your almost ten hour journey” Dawson chuckled.  
“Thanks, I will” Collins said unsarcastically. The train pulled up in central London and the blondes both hugged Wingnut as he walked off to the underground part of the station. Dawson then left to his train, and Collins asked a conductor how to get to Kings Cross, and it turned out he did need to take the underground to it which was an experience in itself, but he arrived and boarded the Flying Scotsman with time to spare.

  
The train ride was beautiful. Collins enjoyed it almost as much as the one he’d taken down to London, as it was raining then and rain was one of his favourite things, as well as Scotland, drawing,  the RAF, and the relatively new addition to his favourite things, Farrier.  
“Anythin’ for ya?” a carriage attendant asked, wheeling a tray of food along.  
“Nae, thanks though” Collins responded, the woman was eyeing his uniform, he realised.  
“You’re in the air force?” she asked.  
“Ya” he smiled as genuinely as he could.  
“Which base then?” she asked.  
“London Gatwick, aye” Collins answered.  
“No’ any base in Scotland for yae?” She pressed. Collins cleared his throat and tried to think of an answer.  
“Ah just lookin’ for a change” he arrived at. She shrugged and continued wheeling the food cart along. After many hours of staring out the window, drawing, and thinking, the train arrived at York. Collins hadn’t been there before, having stayed on the train for the lunch stop when coming down to London. He decided to get out and stretch his legs this time, opting to take his blazer off and stow it in his suitcase on the train while doing so as to be less conspicuous.

  
York turned out to be cute, it was a tiny town and had, Collins learned, the best preserved medieval street in the world according to the man at the pastry shop he went into. It also had a big stone wall around the city that Collins walked part way along before heading back to the train.

  
The blonde watched as the rolling green hills of England gave way to the rugged but beautiful landscape of his homeland. Resting his head against the window Collins watched the train wind through the hills around Edinburgh, making out Arthur’s Seat in the distance, the sun low in the sky. The train pulled into the station some minutes later. The sun was setting over Edinburgh Castle when Collins left the station to go find some food. He had almost an hour wait for the next train to the north, so he decided to look around a bit. Granted he had to take his suitcase around, but at least the man could stretch his legs. Collins eventually found some sort of deli at which he purchased a cheap sandwich and ate it on a bench on the footpath. Finally he was in a city he remembered, not from any recent experiences like London, but from his childhood and upbringing. Collins had visited Edinburgh many times, on both school excursions and with his parents, he’d even climbed up to the castle once. After eating Collins sat in the station waiting for the train. When it arrived it was the old noisy train he knew, dirty with soot and without many of the modernisations of the big trains he’d been seeing in London. Finally it was time to board. Collins hauled his suitcase onto the train and sat down. It was almost dark outside but Collins could make out the vague shapes of hills and some buildings as they left Edinburgh. At some point on the trip he realised he didn’t know if he was being met at the train station by his parents or not, but it didn’t matter much to him, not like they had a car to drive him back, not like the town was large enough to warrant one. As the train got further north, the cold began to seep through the windows of the ill-heated train. Collins got out his leather gauntlets from his suitcase. Never worn, still flat together, he slipped them onto his cold hands. The leather was soft, much more comfortable than he expected, and they were oh-so-warm. Collins’ fingers warmed up in minutes, no wonder they issued these to the RAF. Even on summer nights like these it wasn’t particularly warm in the highlands. The very tip of his nose wouldn’t warm up, neither would his cheeks or ears. Wishing he had a warm drink, the blonde noticed the train was slowing. It was so dark he didn’t realise he was close to his destination. He got out of the train at the familiar small station of Aviemore.

Collins couldn’t keep the content smile from his face. Thanking the train conductor as he walked off, he smiled down the road to his house. The walk was dream-like, even in the cold dark night he knew every store and every house on the street, knew where the bumps in the pavement were, he knew everything so well. Collins turned off the main street onto a smaller one, and continued right to the end at which there was his house, on the very edge of the town, his backyard was the hills surrounding Aviemore.  
Collins stood at his front door, suitcase at his feet. He ran a hand through his blonde locks nervously before knocking. He waited for a while, and there was no answer. Collins was beginning to get nervous when his mother opened the door. As soon as she saw him she beamed and threw her arms around him.  
“So good to see you Jack” she mumbled into the hug.  
“You too, maw” Collins smiled, his name almost sounded strange to him after being called by his last name exclusively back at base.  
“Mind lettin’ me in?” he added when she didn’t let go.  
“Of course, of course, cold out” she said, taking his suitcase.  
“It’s okay, maw, I got it” Collins happily took the case inside. He put it by the door and let his mother hang his RAF blazer up on the coat rack inside the door. Collins felt like he might wake up and be back at the base, it was a strange surreal feeling seeing his home for the first time in months, just how he left it. Collins’ father was waiting in the lounge room, and sturdily walked towards his son as soon as he saw him.  
“Good to have yae back, son” he said as they hugged.  
“Good tae be back” Collins replied. The room was warm from the fireplace, that as well as small oil lamps illuminating the old stone walls.  
“You have to tell us all about it!” Collins’ mother said as they sat around the dinner table eating roast pheasant, no doubt bought just for the occasion.  
“What yae wanna know?” Collins said between mouthfuls.  
“Well there was nae problem getting in?” his dad asked.  
“Nae, like I said, record’s donnae get passed outside the country, so they didnae know who I was” Collins said, and took a bite.  
“Took my civil flying certificate in and they accepted it,” he swallowed.  
“An’ tha’ was tha’” he finished.  
“Excellent, son” his father said.  
“Yae it is, really happy with the trainin’ they’re givin’ me too” Collins said.  
“What’re yae doing?” his mum asked.  
“Well” Collins swallowed again, slightly irritated that he couldn’t just eat his food.  
“We havn’ae gone in the planes yet, but we do a lot of theory, aerodynamics, mathematics, physics, some safety lessons, and also physical activity every week” he listed, realising he spoke more scots with his parents than with his English friends.  
“Sounds very technical” his mum said,  
“Aye, is” Collins said as he shoved more food in his mouth.  
“Goon’ up in the planes sometime soon after I get back though” he added.  
“that’ll be good news for yae” Collins’ dad chuckled earning a smile from the blonde.  
“Yae the officers say they’re very different to the ones anyone trained in at civil flying school so we need to know a lot more, an’ that in civil training they got the plane all ready for us to just go up in, but now we’re learnin’ how tae prepare them for flight ourselves” Collins said. His mind went back to Farrier. He wondered how he was doing, what he was up to at this moment, almost wishing he was here with him, but the thought of Farrier and his parents in the same room wasn’t a comfortable one.  
After dinner all Collins wanted to do was retire to his old bedroom, but of course his parents wanted to talk more.  
“So ‘ave yae met any friends there?” his father asked.  
“Aye, two good friends. Dawson and Wingnut, both also boarding” Collins answered.  
“Wingnut’s his name?” Collins’ mother asked. Collins laughed,  
“Nae, his name’s Timson, we just call him that because of his ears” the blonde chuckled. They sat for a while longer asking menial questions about what Collins had been up to, before his mother eventually excused herself to go to sleep.  
“Night maw” Collins called after her,  
“Night son, sleep well” she replied.  
Collins sat at the fire watching it flicker for a while before his father spoke.  
“So, son” he began. Collins knew what he was going to say.  
“I’m very glad yer back, but I just wanted tae clear somethin’ up, aye?” he said. Collins nodded, making brief eye contact before looking back at the fire. He felt like a boy again, being scolded, couldn’t his father wait one night before bringing it up?  
“I just hope, that yer bein’ sensible in this job of men, we’ve gone over this, an’ what happened with Benjamin, but that’s not gonnae happen again, is it son?” he said, uncomfortable.  
“I know, Da, it won’t happen again, I know I cannae do anythin’ about it aye? I just have tae keep my feelings to myself, it’s all I can do.” Collins explained. He’d always tried to be as open as he could with his parents, but they would never understand this.  
“Can’t yae try with lasses Jack?” he asked.  
Collins just sighed,  
“I have, doesn’ae work. Look, I need some sleep Da” he said, trying to get out of the conversation.  
“Of course. See yae in the morrow son” his father replied.

  
He wished his parents never found out, it had separated Collins from them both, his father more so than his mother. The blonde lay in bed hoping Benjamin didn’t run into him while he was staying there. Then Collins’ mind drifted back to when Benjamin had kissed him the first time, his first kiss. Collins had no real idea it was going to happen, they’d just gotten out of the water from racing to get the ball that had been thrown into it by a nearby group of schoolboys, when Benjamin had taken a route away from the boys playing which involved walking behind a small fishing shed, shielding them from any prying eyes, not that there were many. Suddenly Collins noticed things he hadn’t before, just how tall Ben was, just how green his eyes were, how dark his hair was, and then Benjamin had kissed him, wet from the water but warm, soft and unsure. There were a few more times after that, always Ben initiated, Collins was shy, more so than nowadays. But then Collins remembered taking Benjamin back to his house when his parents were out after summing up the courage, how Ben had taken control of the situation and how that was the night Collins had his first sexual encounter with another person. Benjamin had been good, so good and Collins never wanted it to end, he didn’t let it escalate as far as Ben wanted it to, something told him it was wrong, rushed. Afterwards they had sat on the couch together, lazily kissing, messy and wetly. Collins could tell now that there weren’t any real feelings, it was just experimentation. Now that he knew what it was like to have real feelings for someone. The night with Ben was interrupted when Collins’ parents abruptly arrived home early, and that was how he was discovered. Ben’s parents weren’t as close with him, Benjamin would come and go as he pleased, either they never found out or didn’t care much because they didn’t see their son that much anyway. Not like the strong bond Collins had with his parents before that fateful night. The blonde tried to shake the memory from his head as he listened to the wind outside the house. It was rare for there to be two homosexuals in one town, Collins never was sure if it was good or bad, now that Farrier had entered the picture he supposed it didn’t matter anymore.

Farrier lay in bed listening to soft rain on the window. He didn’t like the holidays as much as he knew he should, he got bored and never knew how to have fun or what to do with all the spare time and ended up at the pub more than necessary. He hoped all the students were having fun wherever they were, and the man eventually fell asleep of thoughts of how to preoccupy himself for the next week.  
He woke the next day and as soon as he looked around the room he knew it was much later than his usual waking time. He sat up slowly and blinked at the desk clock, 11:49AM. Instinctually he jumped out of bed, still in routine of being up early to begin teaching, and it was only when he was halfway into his trousers that he realised he had no classes. Farrier continued to dress and then lazily opened the window to the cool morning air. The sky was blue and he could hear traffic in the distance. Farrier hummed to himself as he closed the window and walked out of his bedroom. He’d have to find something to do or he’d go mad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh feels good to upload another chapter, only means things are getting closer to beginning between our flyboys right??  
> Let me know what you thought, I’m interested to read!  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if you need more dunkirk goodness. 
> 
> And remember, I upload at least 1 chapter a week here!
> 
> See you all for the next chapter, and happy 2019!


	27. Benjamin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, weekly chapter is here! Let’s see what Collins gets up to in Aviemore...

Collins was woken up by knocking on his door.  
“Ello?” he said weakly in a grumbly voice.  
“Mornin’ son, thought you might want tae come to market” it was Collins’ mother.  
“Aye lemme wake up” Collins yelled through the closed door. The blonde sat up and ran a hand through messy hair, which felt a bit too long to be regimental anymore. He managed to drag himself out of bed and eat breakfast with relative speed, and when his mother ushered him out the front door he realised it was somewhat later than he’d been used to getting up at base. Collins checked his watch to see it was past midday and now understood why he was being rushed.

They walked down the street together and made their way to the lawn on which the market was held.  
“Bet everyone’ll be happy to se yae Jack” she remarked.  
“Yae” was all Collins could manage, he didn’t think particularly much of the sentence until he realised Benjamin would probably see him at some point.  
“What we getting at the market?” he asked to distract himself.  
“Ah just vegetables for the soup tonight” his mum replied.  
They walked around the market stalls for the good part of an hour, with plenty of people coming up and greeting Collins, all of which seemed to think he’d grown in the few months he’d been away. After they’d done the rounds of the stalls and gotten everything for dinner, Collins and his mother walked back home and Collins internally sighed in relief as they entered the front door, that he hadn’t run into Ben. That night he helped his mother cook the dinner and then relished in another homecooked meal, one of only a handful he’d get before it was back to the mass-cooked food at base.

“You” Canfield began, waiting for Farrier to look up.  
“Need a hobby” he finished when the younger man finally gave his attention.  
“I have hobbies, plenty” Farrier answered pointedly, he had been trying to do some reading up on the new plans for the base when Canfield had entered his office asking if he wanted to play chess.  
“What are they?” Canfield asked.  
“Well, theres…” Farrier was ashamed he actually had to think about his hobbies.  
“Flying” he answered after thought,  
“That’s your job, next” Canfield said,   
“I read sometimes” Farrier answered sheepishly. Canfield sighed.  
“Come and play chess, you used to love it as a lad, don’t know where that version of you went but now you just want to sit and stress yourself out” the older man said. Farrier sighed and relented. He put the papers in a pile and got up.  
“Alright, but only one game” he said as they walked upstairs to Canfield’s room where the chess board was.

As Collins ate he noticed his father was hurrying,  
“Why yae eatin’ so fast?” Collins asked with a slight smile.  
“Gottae go oot after” his father mumbled in response.  
“He’s goin’ huntin’ with his mates, mightn’t be back for a while” his mother smiled across the table at her husband.  
After dinner his father left and his mother sat on the couch knitting. Collins considered going out but couldn’t be bothered and decided to retire early.

Surprisingly he survived the week in his hometown without incident.

His father didn’t bring up any past experiences except the time he had on the first night, and so Collins just enjoyed the relaxed feeling of Aviemore as he remembered it. Everyone was slower, he hadn’t realised it but in Gatwick and central London everyone seemed to hurry through their day, always somewhere to be or something to do. He’d forgotten that in Aviemore as small as it was that everyone took their time going about their activities, and Collins missed that. Before he knew it, it was the final night before he headed back to base. Because it took essentially an entire day to travel back to Gatwick he had to leave on Sunday to arrive for the day on Monday, which was the first day back and was a full day of classes. After pacing around the house for some time Collins decided he may as well visit the pub, he used to most weeks, so for old time’s sake, he thought he would again now.

  
So out he went, down the cold dark streets to the only pub of note in town. He checked his watch, 7:38pm. After reaching the pub, he was greeted warmly by the staff who all knew him.  
“Where’s the uniform then?” the owner, Mackenzie asked.  
“Ah not wearin’ it, too much attention” Collins laughed. After the train ride up he’d decided it best to stay in casual clothes and was therefore in his navy turtleneck. Collins sat down, but before he could order anything Benjamin walked in the door. Collins’ stomach dropped, after a week of not seeing him he’d somewhat forgotten it was even a possibility. The dark haired man hadn’t spotted him yet and Collins tried to look away but he couldn’t. Ben had grown a slight beard since he last saw, and looked rougher. Then green eyes met blue, and that was the kick Collins needed to finally look away. The blonde froze and tried to act normal, he didn’t know if he should try and leave or not, and before he knew it a warm hand was on his shoulder.   
“Jack!” Benjamin said with a warm smile. Collins managed a small smile and they embraced, however much Collins hadn’t wanted to.   
“How are we then?” Ben took the seat next to Collins at the bar.  
“Yae great, you?” Collins said.  
“Aye good, how long’ve you been here? I didnae even know you were till just now mate” Ben almost laughed.  
“Ah I’ve been here a week, my last night tonight though” Collins said.  
“Fook well then, better have some fun!” Ben laughed, but Collins knew what he was implying. Music began playing somewhat loudly, Collins was grateful for the distraction. The barman came back and Collins ordered his usual Yorkshire pudding. Ben didn’t leave while he ate, instead kept trying to instigate conversation.  
“C’mon tell me what it’s like!” he nudged Collins causing the blonde to feel that familiar butterfly feeling in his belly.  
“I mean, haven’t been flying yet even, just lessons in classrooms and learning to fight” he answered between mouthfuls.  
“Learning to fight?” Ben laughed.  
“Wha’s funny?” Collins snapped without looking up from his food. Benjamin had a look in those green eyes that Collins couldn’t place.  
“Maybe you’ll have to show me” he said in a low voice, the brunette’s mouth twisted into a smirk. Now Collins knew that look, he huffed and returned to eating. After his last night being dampened by seeing the person he didn’t want to, Collins excused himself from the pub as soon as he’d finished eating, instead of having a few drinks like he’d planned. Of course Benjamin followed him out of the pub and down the road. Collins thought to himself, as long as he acted as just a friend it would be okay.  
“So Jack, when yae gonnae tell me more about what you’ve been up to?”  
“I did Ben” Collins smiled,  
“I mean” he said, stepping in front of Collins on the empty footpath.  
“When are we gonnae get some time to catch up properly?” he said. Collins didn’t have to look upwards to many people at over six feet tall himself, but Benjamin was one of them. The blonde sighed and pushed past.  
“I’m not here to do that, aye? We’re just mates Ben” he said. He heard a deep chuckle.  
“We both know that’s not how you really feel” he said sternly. Collins just frowned at him but before he could continue walking Ben grabbed his arm and pulled him into a side street. Collins already knew where they were going, he knew every street and road in town. He begrudgingly walked with Ben so he’d stop dragging him by the arm. They reached the end of the street and walked down a small gap between two houses and continued through grass and trees until they’d reached the river, and it was beautiful in the moonlight. Collins just looked for a moment out at the shimmering water and suddenly he didn’t feel so bad. He felt a hand on his back,  
“Well, I know yae’ve been here for a week, but it’s good to have yae back” Ben said.  
“Thanks Ben, but as I said” Collins stopped away from the man’s hand,  
“I’m here as a friend now”.  
With the trees covering them from view from the town there was nothing stopping them now, except Collins’ conscious.   
“Why just as a friend? Nothing changed” Benjamin sounded disappointed but Collins knew he wasn’t done persuading. He also didn’t know how to respond to the question, so he sat down at the water’s edge, listening to it lap against the stones a few feet in front of him. Benjamin sat next to him and rested a hand on Collins’ face, turning it to face his.  
“There’s someone” Collins managed, his gaze dropped and he turned his head away. Ben retracted his hand,  
“Really?” he said, almost unconvinced, but Collins didn’t answer.  
“What’s he like then?” the brunette asked.  
“Uh, nice I s’pose” Collins answered, not entirely sure he wanted to talk about Farrier with Benjamin, never having fully trusted him. There was always an edge to Ben, some tucked away part that was wild and unpredictable but not in the same closed off way as Farrier. With Farrier, Collins imagined if you got to know him closely it would be different, he’d be open, at least that’s what he wished for. Collins had known Benjamin for years and still felt like he was part stranger, this ‘cool guy’ type that never really got close to anyone.  
Collins looked along the vast expanse of wilderness in front of them, the town several hundred metres behind them.   
“Nice you suppose. Thought I was nice ey?” Ben pushed.  
“Yae Ben, you know what I mean” Collins said.  
“Well you seein’ him then?” the brunette asked.  
Another huff from Collins.  
“No. Just sweet on” he answered eventually. What Benjamin did next didn’t come as a shock to Collins at all. Ben’s hand wandered to Collins’ thigh and the man moved close to Collins.  
“Then he doesn’t have to know. You’ve got nothin’ to feel guilty aboot, he’s not even yours” Benjamin purred. Collins tried not to feel, he knew Farrier wasn’t and could never be his, but in his mind he couldn’t help but feel like he was betraying him if he did anything with Benjamin. Collins felt hot breath on his neck,  
“C’mon Jacky, just like we used to” Benjamin breathed. Collins jerked away and made intense eye contact with the man next to him. That was a mistake, he thought it would break Benjamin’s mood but instead it made him hungrier.  
“Oh fuck” Ben breathed,

”I forgot how blue they were” he said with a softer voice. Ben moved closer still, his green eyes not once leaving Collins’ blue. Then it was Collins who gave the sign to continue, and completely by accident too. His eyes flicked down to the other man’s lips for a split second before looking back up, but as he did Benjamin moved in and closed the space between them completely, pressing his warm lips to Collins’. The kiss wasn’t rushed or heated, it was safe, and comforting. Ben knew how to handle Collins, he’d give him that, but even so the blonde broke away with a sad feeling inside. He looked down like a hurt dog.  
“Ben I said no” Collins murmured.  
“Your eyes said yes” Benjamin said, still pushing. Collins did admire his forwardness, something he had found attractive about Benjamin in the past. Collins thought to himself. Was it so bad?

Farrier lay in bed frustrated with the failed chess game. He’d started off well, but when his mind wandered he could never play properly, especially not with the amount of playful insults Canfield gave about his playing style. He admitted he wasn’t the best, but he wasn’t good at losing. As he lay he wondered what the students were doing, if they’d all enjoyed their holidays. the nightly chess games he and Canfield had been having were admittedly the most excitement he’d had over the week off. Farrier supposed he liked being busy, he enjoyed the regimental feeling of being at work on a base, but even more he enjoyed flying, it was always a highlight of the week when he got to fly with one of the groups, which was almost every week, and on multiple days. Farrier’s mind wandered thinking of the highlights of his weeks and his thoughts arrived back at that lanky blonde that had been plaguing his mind. He hoped he’d had a good week off, but selfishly the man noted, he wanted him back on base, Farrier missed Collins.

Benjamin was halfway on top of Collins on the ground, breathing down the blonde’s neck. He loved how Jack just fell apart in his arms, how easy it was to undo him. Collins was very much struggling to control himself, his neck was so sensitive and in the cool air Benjamin’s breath felt even hotter on his skin. Then he felt teeth clamp down on the soft skin. Collins could do nothing but let his head fall back in pleasure. Benjamin pushed his chest until Collins lay on his back, the other man’s mouth still biting his neck. Benjamin licked and sucked the side of his neck, and it was all the blonde could manage not to make a sound. Then Benjamin moved down to where he knew Collins couldn’t control himself, the crook of his neck and shoulder. At first lightly kissing, then licking and then scraping his teeth against it and it was at that, that Collins couldn’t stop the low groan that left his throat, Benjamin feeling it as well as hearing it, he chuckled against the skin and bit harder. Collins rolled his hips into the man above him and groaned again. He’d lost any control now, and he was in too much pleasure to feel guilt. Ben’s hand moved down his body to his trousers. Immediately Collins eyes snapped open, Ben knew that look, it was the same one Collins gave him the first time they were intimate. Fear.  
“It’s okay, Jacky, as slow as you want yae?” Ben said, giving him one more kiss on the lips. Collins nodded and watched as Ben undid his pants and moved down next to his hardening member. The blonde propped himself up on his elbows and looked down to the man before him. It had been a long time and he wasn’t at all used to it. Benjamin unzipped the fly of his trousers and with warm hands reached under Collins’ underwear and grabbed him. Any second thoughts were then forgotten as Collins let himself be undone. His boxers were pulled down and his now completely hard cock was in the open. Benjamin stopped briefly just to admire, but then began to slowly pump up and down. A shiver ran down Collins’ body at the touch and he whimpered.  
“No’ here, it’s too open” Collins managed, causing Benjamin to stop and put him away. Collins zipped up and sat up a bit.  
“Okay, come on then” Benjamin stood up. Collins followed him to one of the few small sheds along the water’s edge. They knew who each one belonged to, some private fishing equipment storage, some for school sport equipment. Collins also knew which one Ben was walking to, it was the sports storage shed for their old school. Not like any of the sheds were locked, in such a small town you couldn’t really steal anything and not be found out, but the school sports shed had even less likeliness of someone entering than a fishing shed on a Saturday night. Benjamin got out a small packet of matches that Collins didn’t realise he was carrying, but then again he knew Ben smoked a lot, and the brunette lit the few oil lanterns inside the shed, shutting the door behind them and wedging a wooden box of metal tent pegs against it so it couldn’t be opened. Then he turned to Collins with a look of hunger in his eyes. Collins still looked like a cornered sheep but he knew the blonde would warm up like he always did. Collins backed into the wooden wall of the shed, eyes still on Ben, who followed him. Benjamin ran a now cool hand down Collins’ cheek, and let his cold fingers rest on the man’s neck causing Collins’ eyes to flutter shut again. Benjamin scratched his nails across the skin and relished the way the blonde’s head fell back against the wall. He let his hand drop to Collins’ waist, and he kissed him. Slowly and deeply on the lips, enjoying every second. Ben let his tongue slide out and taste Collins’ bottom lip, he felt the man tense and then relax again, and meet the gesture with his own tongue. Collins ran his tongue along Ben’s inner top lip, he opened his eyes lazily and they both stared for a second into each other’s eyes, and at that their mouths were open and desperate again. Collins grabbed at Benjamin’s clothes without breaking the kiss, he undid the buttons of the brunette’s shirt until he felt skin under his palms. Benjamin groaned and pushed into Collins with his pelvis, the blonde now flush against the wall. They ground into each other with pent up arousal, kissing and biting. Then it was Collins who moved down to Benjamin’s neck, his tongue circled around and then he opened his mouth to graze the soft skin with his teeth. Benjamin hissed and grabbed a handful of Collins’ golden hair, the blonde visibly faltered at this, another weak spot Benjamin knew just how to exploit. The brunette ran his fingers through Collins’ hair encouragingly, so Collins resumed the assault on his neck, biting harder and more deliberately than before. Benjamin moaned into Collins’ neck, sagging against the blonde and pushing him harder into the wall. Then he pulled Collins’ hair until the blonde stopped at his neck and looked into his eyes again. The blonde knew he wouldn’t be able to stand and do this, his legs would give out. By the looks of it Ben knew this too, he was looking around the room, they both spotted the old sports bench along one of the walls at the same time, and Ben basically dragged Collins to it and plonked him down. They didn’t break eye contact as Benjamin lowered himself to his knees in front of Collins. Benjamin wasted no time in taking Collins out of his pants, and before the blonde was entirely ready, he took Collins’ cock in his mouth, they both let out a moan in unison, and Benjamin began to lick all the way down Collins’ length until he held all of it inside his mouth. He looked up with dark eyes and Collins looked down at the man, he took a hand and ran it through Ben’s dark hair, permission.   
The man began moving slowly up and down the shaft, his tongue licking the underside as he went. Collins’ brow furrowed, he let his head tip back and his eyes slid closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, thanks for reading everyone. As always I appreciate your kudos and comments to no end, and honestly feel so happy that my readers interact with me. My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat to me!  
> Until next chapter folks, happy reading! ❤️


	28. Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like this chapter has to go hand in hand with the previous, so here’s another chapter a day later! (Fun fact, I’ve been to Aviemore 3 times!) (yes it’s lovely and adorable and totally somewhere Collins would live) 
> 
> Enjoy this one!

It was late. Farrier wandered aimlessly along the corridor, he couldn’t sleep, and he didn’t want to drink for once either. He walked downstairs to the bathrooms and looked in the mirror. He looked tired, not from lack of sleep but from _life_. He noticed all the things he never had time to, the beginnings of wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, grey hairs here and there, some sort of long stubble from a week without shaving, but most of all he noticed sadness in his eyes. He knew why, but couldn’t admit it to himself. If he was sad it should be about something like the war, or the situation Europe was in. He couldn’t admit that he’d let his emotions become subject to the presence of another person. He hated the fact that without that certain blonde at the base, he didn’t feel the same, he was ashamed he needed another person to feel normal now. It was a weakness. Farrier took some steps back to see more of himself in the mirror and slowly lifted up his pyjama top revealing the ugly scar on his torso. He still wasn’t used to it, sometimes he forgot it was there and then he’d feel a pang in his gut and remember, it still wasn’t something he associated with himself. He shook his head at himself and tried not to think himself into a black hole, it was his least favourite memory next to his mother’s passing, the day he got that scar. He walked back to bed but didn’t sleep, he grabbed his box of cigarettes and matches and walked down to his secret place behind the furthest shed. As he sat he looked out at the fields in the moonlight. It was so peaceful he could have slept outside, plus it took his mind off his inner thoughts. As he smoked he thought about Collins, as much as he told himself he shouldn’t be. It was at that moment Farrier decided that what they did, flitting around each other and pretending there was nothing was sort of sweet, in a completely messed up and verging on illegal kind of way. Then Farrier thought about flying, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d flown for pleasure. Always teaching, instructing, before that it was flying in war. His mind recalled the last time he flew for fun, it was at a local fair in a competition for the plane that could stay up the longest. He hadn’t won in the wooden thing he and Canfield entered, but it was fun. Eventually the man wandered back to his room and found light sleep.

Collins panted and wiped the sweaty hair back from his forehead, eyes closed in exhaustion from a strong orgasm, his first in too long. Benjamin clambered onto the bench beside him and lay his head in the crook of Collins’ neck.  
“How’s that Jacky?” he cooed.  
Collins was about to answer, but then that guilty feeling from before returned and caught his throat. He swallowed, “Good, Ben, good” he managed, running a tired hand through Ben’s hair. Collins swallowed again and opened his eyes. As he came down from his high he had one name on his mind, and it wasn’t the name of the man who’d just sucked him off. Benjamin seemed to notice Collins was thinking, Ben knew that when Collins’ mind was elsewhere his mouth twitched like he was thinking of talking. He never did say what was on his mind unless he was asked.  
“What’s on yer mind mate, wanna give me my turn?” Benjamin said plainly.  
Collins couldn’t just say no, but he really didn’t want to return the favour. He felt like he shouldn’t have let anything happen tonight in the first place. He shifted uncomfortably and put himself away. Benjamin huffed.  
“Second thoughts?” he asked. Collins sighed and looked forwards without answering.  
“Aight, not your fault mate. Just wish it wasn’t this way” Ben said. Collins looked at him sideways.  
“Really? Thought you were too horny to care a minute ago” the blonde snarked.  
“If you really dunnae want to, I’m not gonna push yae Jack” Ben said. Collins knew he’d made the boy disappointed, but he couldn’t help it.  
“I mean, I had a feelin’ you wouldnae want tae after I got ye off, guess I know yae too well ey blondie” Ben jested and rubbed Collins’ hair. For some reason, his words struck a nerve with Collins, maybe the fact that he’d assumed he knew Collins well, the man pulled his head away because Ben was messing his hair up, not that it was currently neat.  
“Ben, you dunnae know me that well” Collins said honestly, making eye contact. Ben just smirked.  
“Yae I do, Jacky.” He said, Collins got annoyed at the pet name, he always had, and it showed on his face.  
“I know everything about yae, I know what yae love, what yae hate” Ben continued.  
“I know that yae want someone to lead, because you want to follow. That’s why you joined the air force, and that’s why you let me get yae off jus’ now” Benjamin delivered the sentence as a joke but Collins was having none of it.  
“That’s where yer wrong Ben. I joined the air force because I love freedom, and I love being in charge of myself, in yer own plane yae get that. When you’re in the air, you’re free. You dunnae know me anymore Ben, an’ yae cannae predict me anymore” he said. He was angry, but he had developed some sort of aroused mood again. Collins breathed hotly on Benjamin’s neck, whose breath he heard hitch at the motion. The blonde moved a hand onto Ben’s crotch and pressed lightly. He was surprised when Ben’s hand tried to push his away.  
“You don’t want this” Ben said,  
“You don’t know what I want” Collins replied before descending on the brunette’s neck. Benjamin suppressed a groan, it appeared he didn’t want to give Collins the gratitude of knowing he was getting pleasure out of it, this only served to harden Collins’ resolve. Collins unzipped Ben and felt the hardness underneath his boxers. He lowered himself down to be level with Ben’s length and then did something he hadn’t done for all too long, he took it in his mouth. Ben moaned and instinctually put his hand in Collins’ hair to direct him, but the blonde took Ben’s hand and pinned it down next to him on the bench. Collins began to move up and down, slowly at first, he’d only done it once before, with Ben that time as well, but he’d been pretty good according to the brunette. He must have been doing something right because Benjamin eventually stopped making moves to regain control. Collins relished in the power he felt, the man above him writhing and moaning because of him and what he was doing, so then Collins stopped abruptly.  
Ben looked down in surprise,  
“Donnae stop now!” he breathed.  
“Why?” Collins smirked, earning him an eye roll.  
“Seriously, keep going Jack” Ben said,  
“What’s the magic word?” Collins pressed,  
“Yae think I’m gonnae beg I won’t” Ben laughed.  
“Aight Ben” Collins said, and moved to get up. This alarmed the brunette,  
“No, please Jack. Please” he said finally. That was all Collins wanted to hear, he descended again, but this time he didn’t stop when Ben’s length hit the back of his throat, he relaxed himself and took it further, the brunette arched his back and gasped at the sensation. Collins held it for as long as he could and then resumed moving his mouth up and down the shaft, but as soon as he was ready he took it in further again, this time swallowing around Ben’s girth earning a shocked sound from the man above him. Collins hummed around the cock in his mouth, knowing how the vibrations would feel. He hadn’t even realised Ben was close, but the man’s breathing began to get erratic so Collins stopped again.  
“Fuck!” Ben exclaimed in annoyance. Collins smiled,  
“What’s wrong now?” the blonde played,  
“Keep going, damn yae” Ben grumbled down at him. Collins reached a hand up and caressed Ben’s cheek.  
“You’ll have to be more specific” Collins hummed.  
“Keep sucking yae eejit!” Ben said louder.  
“Say it” Collins said, no smile on his face anymore, but his blue eyes were completely blown with arousal.  
“Please Jack.” Ben managed.  
Collins lowered his mouth almost down to the tip of Ben’s cock again, he breathed on the head but didn’t touch it.  
“Again.” He demanded.  
“Please” Ben said again. Collins didn’t move but looked up to him.  
“Please. Please Jack.” Ben said in resignation, desperation in his eyes as well as his voice. And then Collins took him once more in his mouth, no holding back this time as he took the entire length in to the hilt and sucked hard. Ben tried thrusting into the blonde’s mouth but strong hands came down on his hips and held him in place. The brunette couldn’t resist it any longer, he came hard in Collins’ mouth and let out a staggered moan, gasping as he rode out his orgasm, unable to stop his arms from grabbing Collins’ shoulders. Collins swallowed eagerly and then let Ben’s length fall out of his mouth, flicking the head with his tongue as he did so, earning one last wimper. He licked his lips and looked up at the man in front of him. Collins leant over Ben and kissed him hard, making sure he’d taste himself before pulling back.  
“Well you gave me what I wanted Jacky” Ben panted.  
“It doesn’t matter, I win. I made you lose control. That there? Was me holding power over you, something you never thought I’d do. Something you never thought I’d be capable of doing, I told you, you don’t know me anymore.” Collins replied in a low voice. He knew he’d mostly done it to prove a point, but damn it felt good to have a cock in his mouth again. He’d missed it.

  
As the two walked back to the town in silence, Ben realised that maybe he didn’t know Collins as well as he thought he did and that the blonde was right.  
“Jack…” he began, Collins turned to him.  
“I needed tonight” the brunette said, sounding relieved.  
“Yae me too, but I won’t be up here that often so donnae get used to it” Collins replied. He didn’t need tonight, it was a straight lie, but what was he to say?  
“Yeah” his friend answered. They reached the small path that took them from the wilderness into the town.  
“Well I’m goin’ tomorrow mornin’ so I mightn’t see ya again” Collins said, he was somewhat saddened by this, but it was forgotten when he remembered the mean and controlling streak that Ben couldn’t seem to shake, and that usually it wasn’t something Collins enjoyed at all.  
“Okay, well, good luck” Ben said. The two stood in silence for a beat before Collins outstretched his arms and the two embraced. They exchanged sad smiles before walking back into civilisation and parting ways. Little did Collins know, he’d never see Benjamin again.

Collins was on the train early the next day, having said all his goodbyes to his parents and packing everything, including a new turtleneck from them. He had very mixed feelings about his stay back home. On one hand, he of course enjoyed seeing his parents and the townsfolk again, but on the other, multiple times his father and mother had said underhanded comments about his sexuality, not direct confrontations but little hints here and there in their sentences that they hoped he’d ‘fix’ himself, and then there was the last night with Ben. Collins still wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. It felt right at the time, but now as he was actually travelling back to base, and the realisation that he was seeing Farrier today, if not then definitely in class tomorrow, it felt wrong, like he’d cheated. Collins mentally scorned himself, it couldn’t be cheating if they weren’t together, and that meant that the blonde had already mentally claimed Farrier as his, and that couldn’t be right.

Farrier woke early to his alarm, trying to get himself back into the habit of an 0700 start. Good thing he did, as he drearily made his way down to his office to neaten everything up for the next day the phone rang in Canfield’s office. Knowing the old man was still fast asleep he walked down the hall into the office and picked the phone up himself.  
“RAF Gatwick this is Squadron Leader Farrier” the standard opening he’d learnt to give over the years.  
“Squadron Leader Farrier this is Air Chief Marshall Dowding.”  
Farrier’s face went white and he sat down quickly. The highest ranking member of the RAF was on the phone to him.  
“Good morning Air Chief Marshall” he said, Canfield always took the calls, it was lucky Farrier even remembered the exact sentences to say to senior officers at all, he never took calls.  
“Now I had a word to officer Canfield some time ago about the Gatwick site, had he filled you in on any of it?” the crackly voice asked.  
“Yes indeed, he informed me that with the oncoming threats from across the channel, we of course need as many bases as possible so Gatwick was going to be converted into a fully functional base, not just a training centre.” Farrier said,  
“Yes that was the gist of it. I also informed him that we would not be able to visit for some time, but it has been decided that the matter requires urgent attention, so we would arrange a site visit as soon as practicable, Squadron Leader.” The Air Chief Marshall said.  
“Absolutely, any time at all, sir” Farrier said, glancing through the calendar on the desk to check, he saw today’s date as he did so, Sunday July 3rd. he tried to forget that he’d seen that date. Now that he knew it, today wasn’t going to be as good as he’d hoped.  
“Excellent, I’ll send a representative down on… Does Wednesday suit?” the man asked,  
“Yes most definitely, Wednesday the 6th, at what time should we expect you?” Farrier replied.  
“Does ten-thirty suit?” the man said,  
“Yes that will be fine, thank you Air Chief Marshall” Farrier replied.  
“Well, I’ll see you and Canfield then, good day to you, Squadron Leader Farrier.” Said the man,  
“And to you, Air Chief Marshall, thank you.” Farrier said and then put the phone down with a sigh. He wrote it in large writing on the desk calendar for Canfield to see, though undoubtedly he’d be telling him well before he even got to his office.

Collins had fallen asleep on the train and was awoken to someone tapping his shoulder. He lifted his head to see it was one of the women who worked on the train.  
“Oh, sorry, we already at Edinburgh?” he asked,  
“Yae we are, have been for ten minutes!” she chuckled kindly and walked off down the train. Collins dragged his suitcase off the shelf above him and got off the train into the bustling station, aware his hair was a mess from sleeping in some awkward position that hurt his neck. After checking the timetable, the blonde realised he only had time to buy a pastry for lunch, not leave the station before the Flying Scotsman departed for the day to London. He didn’t mind too much, Collins was excited to see everyone again. He watched as the countryside changed, less hilly, lighter green, even the weather got slightly sunnier outside the window the further south the train went. Finally they reached York and the train set down, abstaining from leaving the train for fear of missing it when it took off again in ten minutes.

“Good morning Tom” Canfield said,  
“I am wondering why you’re in my office however” he added.  
“Morning Michael. Well before you were up, we received a call from the Ministry” Farrier said, Canfield gave him a nod,  
“And the Air Chief Marshall is sending someone to come and see us this Wednesday” Farrier said, watching as the older man raised his eyebrows.  
“Well we better get cleaning!” he joked, though Farrier could tell Canfield was nervous.  
“So just cleaning? Nothing else we need to do in preparation?” Farrier asked, thinking they barely needed to do cleaning at all.  
“I believe so, but I do think we should let everyone know to be on best behaviour” Canfield replied,  
“That’s true” Farrier chuckled.  
And just like that, Farrier spent his last day off cleaning the base, somewhat glad of a mindless task to occupy his time. Canfield said he was too old to bend over properly anymore though Farrier knew him better, still the old man stuck to light sweeping. Farrier picked up any litter he found, polished, dusted, and fixed the odd thing around the base as well as made sure all the planes were in correct storage in the hangars. Canfield loved to use Farrier as the fix-it man around base, somehow he had a knack for repairing things, ‘fiddling and fixing’ was what Canfield called it, Farrier thought that name laughable. As the brunette walked among the planes he wished he could fly them, as he cleaned some of the dustier ones. Flying for a lesson or even solo demonstration was one thing, but it couldn’t compare to being up there for pure enjoyment. He walked out of the hangars and into the bright sun of the field with the narrow strip or asphalt they called their runway. He mentally noted that they needed to fill in a pothole in said asphalt. Farrier headed inside through the locker room and squinted a little as his eyes adjusted to the dark interior compared to the sunny outdoors. Canfield walked down the hall to greet him.  
“Why do you always frown?” he laughed, patting Farrier’s shoulder, who couldn’t be bothered explaining he was frowning more than usual because it was relatively dark inside, because he’d been told enough to know that apparently he usually looked worried or stressed.  
Midday became afternoon and they, along with the help of anyone else who was at base for the holidays, finished the clean-up.  
“Looks ten years younger!” Canfield remarked,  
“Wish I could say the same for you” Farrier snarked, earning him a hearty laugh from the old man. It was almost getting downright hot, Farrier and Canfield had gone for a walk down the road for something to do, the kitchen needed restocking anyway.  
“So how do you think the group is progressing?” Canfield asked,  
“Yeah good, some I think might be struggling but I think they’ll all get through it” Farrier answered, Canfield hummed in response. The two sat on a breezy bench enjoying pastries for late lunch before making a trip to the local grocer for some food for the kitchen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone, hope you liked it. I should say that in my mind this chapter is when things begin to speed up a bit so get keen!  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat or needs more Dunkirk content ! 
> 
> Till next chapter, happy reading all❤️❤️❤️


	29. Back at Base

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, hope everyone has had a good time since last I uploaded. I really loved writing this one!

Collins had almost fallen asleep again, he was so warm still in the layers of clothing he was in from the cold Scottish morning. He took off his RAF blazer leaving him in his new woollen turtleneck from his mother. It was a very dark blue, almost black. Blue was a colour she seemed to have decided many years ago looked perfect on him and so most of her handmade clothes for him were a shade of it. Not that he minded, if anything he found it amusing that now he was in the RAF he’d be in blue every day. He shook his head to wake himself up a bit more and checked his watch, he assumed the train would arrive to London about 4, though sometimes it had been known to take longer than usual, he hoped today wasn’t one of those days. After more time sitting and looking out the window, Collins pulled out his sketch book and decided to draw to pass the time. At first he drew his suitcase sitting on the luggage rack, an old brown thing with scuff marks on the corners, then on the next page he drew some imagined scenery based on what he’d been seeing out the window as inspiration, and then began drawing from memory, the fields outside his window at Gatwick base, he even tried his hand at drawing a plane, but wasn’t all too happy with it. Deciding it was too bumpy on the train to draw, Collins resigned to looking out the window again.

The two men made it back to base as it was beginning to get cold.   
“So Farrier, the Ministry sent me a list of every change that will be happening in order to make Gatwick a fully functioning base” Canfield said as they walked up the steps to the front doors of the base.  
“Oh yeah?” Farrier answered.  
“Yes, one of the items on the list was that we will soon be receiving a mass order of planes.” Canfield smiled as Farrier’s eyebrows raised.  
“When?” he asked excitedly, for a second Canfield saw a younger Farrier, one that wasn’t plagued with stress, one that hadn’t seen war. This was exactly what Farrier needed to take his mind off the day’s date.  
“No date advised yet, my boy. But, I do know that they’re going to be Hawker Hurricanes” Canfield said.  
The two walked down the hallway towards Canfield’s office, Farrier mindlessly following him.  
“Hang on” the brunette said.  
“If we’re becoming a full time air base, does that mean that our legal flying hours and areas change?” Farrier asked.  
“Yes, but we don’t know when or where yet either” Canfield answered.  
“But does that mean we’ll be able to fly outside of allocated lessons… Just for fun?” Farrier pressed, jogging for a pace or two to make up for the older man’s long strides and only adding to the childish nature of the conversation.  
“Yes Tom, you can fly freely” Canfield took the pleasure in answering, it caused Farrier to stop in his tracks. Canfield knew how much Farrier wanted free flying time, he’d said it enough times. Now the older man watched as Farrier grinned, Canfield chuckled and held his arms out for an embrace which Farrier took. Sometimes the younger man forgot that Canfield was a colleague, because he was also the father figure in his life. No matter how much Canfield irritated him or pestered him, he loved Canfield. The man was family to Farrier, and as much as they butted heads when it came to training outside the classroom, Farrier always came back to Canfield.  
“Tea?” Canfield offered, and in minutes the two were sitting in the older man’s office steeping a teapot.

  
“Michael” Farrier began as he spooned sugar into his teacup.  
“Yes?” Canfield answered, taking the sugar spoon off Farrier after the third heaped spoon as he always did, still amazed at how sweet Farrier liked his tea. Canfield wondered how many spoons of sugar Farrier would have if the spoon wasn’t taken.  
“I enjoy having you around here” Farrier said, painfully aware of how weird he sounded.  
“Well I’m glad!” Canfield laughed.  
“No I mean” Farrier said, but stopped to think, what did he mean?  
“I suppose, thanks. For being here” Farrier said.  
“Thanks for supporting me all this time. I dunno I suppose I don’t feel like I say it enough” Farrier continued.  
“Of course my boy. I promised your mother I would look after you.” Canfield said. Farrier’s heart panged and he put his tea down.  
“You’ve done a better job than she could have imagined.” he replied in a murmur, directed more at the floor than the man across the table. Canfield had no words, he felt touched. Then he realised what day it was. It was the date Farrier’s mother had passed away, 28 years ago. He reached and put a hand on Farrier’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.  
“She’d be proud of you, son.” Canfield said. He felt so comfortable calling anyone younger than him that, but when he called Farrier by the word it felt more important.  
“I know” Farrier had a small smile on his face. The two men sat drinking their tea in comfortable silence until,  
“What did she say to you? Before it happened. What did she say about you taking care of me?” Farrier asked something he’d never had the courage to before. It was a touchy enough subject, spending any elongated period of time on it usually ended badly with Farrier either getting angry for no good reason, or crying. But today the man felt like he was comfortable enough to ask about it. Maybe it was the news of the planes, maybe it was because he’d be seeing the students soon enough. He felt bolder.  
“Well, when she was ill, one day she came to me and said ‘Michael, I want you to make sure Tom is okay’” Canfield said. Farrier had put his tea down to listen.  
“I said, ‘what do you mean? He’ll be fine he’s a strong lad’ or something like that, I didn’t want to dampen her spirits, you know.” Canfield continued.  
“She said she knew, and of course she did. Everyone knew you’d be okay, we did, everyone really did. But she said she..” Canfield stopped.  
“What?” Farrier said softly. The older man had his eyes fixed on a point on the table, apparently trying to remain calm.  
“Canfield please” Farrier said, a storm of emotions brewing  just beneath the surface. He was struggling to keep a lid on things, he hadn’t been expecting Canfield to seize up.  
“Listen, Farrier. There are some things maybe you don’t want to know.” Canfield said softly. This annoyed Farrier rather than make him sad.  
“Canfield. I was twelve. I deserve to know.” He said solemnly. The older man sighed.  
“She said she no longer trusted your father. She no longer trusted him to look after you properly.” He said quietly staring down his teacup. Farrier wasn’t sure what to think, on one hand he knew his father didn’t like him, or appeared not to at least, but he didn’t know his mother had doubts about him.  
“So she wanted you to take over from him, and that’s why I went to live with you.” Farrier said.  
“Yes Tom. I’m sorry, but you know how your dad was” Canfield said,  
“Yeah, believe me I do.” Farrier replied. He knew his father could never accept him as a man, as an equal. He could still hear him yelling at him if he concentrated. Could still feel the sting on his face from a slap. Farrier hadn’t known it wasn’t normal to hit your child, until when staying with Canfield, when it never happened.  
“I am glad you took care of me, probably wouldn’t have the job if you hadn’t” Farrier lightened the mood.  
“Well this is true” Canfield chuckled and then the men sat in silence for a few minutes sipping tea.  
“You need a shave, Farrier.” Canfield said sternly.  
“Yeah I know, it’s still technically the holidays, I’ll do it later” Farrier waved his hand at Canfield to tell him to stop fussing.  
“So when the new term starts, are they going to be changing the structure of the classes or anything?” Farrier asked.  
“Not as far as I’m aware, if anything we might do more flying since our hours have been extended.” Canfield replied.  
“Oh good, I was hoping you’d say that.” Farrier smiled.

The train was pulling up and Collins’ could barely contain his nerves and excitement. He wondered if Farrier missed him, because Collins had missed Farrier and was way past trying to deny it to himself. As much as he’d had distractions over the week to keep his thoughts at bay, he did miss seeing that man every day. Especially the now almost nightly talks they’d had in the corridor outside their rooms. A routine Collins was looking forward to getting back into. He got off the train at Kings Cross, relieved he was back. Collins made his way back to London Victoria via the very crowded underground train and once there had to wait for the train back to Gatwick. As he waited the blonde bought himself a berry mince tart to pass the time. As he ate, Collins contemplated why he really wanted to be in he RAF aside from freedom as he’d told Ben. He decided that it was a matter of doing the right thing, and making a real difference. He’d never wanted to have an office job, doing the same thing every day which never made much of a difference to anything large scale anyway, Collins remembered that clearly. He supposed being in the sky was about as far away as you could get from that.   
Then the train pulled up, Collins checked his watch, almost four-thirty. As he boarded the last of his four trains it began to rain, Collins sat and watched the rain patter on the window and looked up at the grey sky when the train left the station. He loved rain, it had a calming effect on him and he didn’t mind getting wet, he could never understand why activities had to be stopped because of the rain, at school they were ushered inside if they were out in the yard if it was raining, the blonde supposed the RAF would be different, and began wondering what challenges would present themselves taking off in the wet. Collins sat in peaceful thought for the remainder of the train ride, keeping his eyes on the sky as the clouds rolled in and the sky turned darker still.  
By the time the train arrived at Gatwick it was getting late and the sun would soon be down. The rain had stopped for now leaving the footpaths wet and slippery, but through a break in the clouds shone a beautiful golden light, a weak wintery gold that could only happen just before sunset. Collins walked back slowly, enjoying the golden light and the still damp atmosphere. He rounded a corner and was at last on the street of Gatwick base. As he walked it began to spit again, only a little this time but enough to make his hair damp, reminding him he needed to get it cut soon as it caused drips to land on his nose as the front drooped over his eyes. Shaking his hair out of the way he made it up the steps to the front doors. Collins felt a little nervous returning- would his friends be there? Would Farrier? Part of him wanted to run up to his room and not see anyone until lessons tomorrow, but a larger part of him was excited for an ‘accidental’ meeting tonight.

  
Farrier left Canfield to finish the tea and organise for tomorrow, he was tired from cleaning the base and wanted to nap until dinner, and then sleep some more before his rather rude seven o’clock start tomorrow. The brunette went upstairs and let himself into his room. He sat on the chair next to his window and looked out at the wet airfields, the puddles illuminated by the weak afternoon sun. It would be good to get back to a schedule, Farrier thought to himself. The thought reminded him that he hadn’t been to the pub at all these holidays, he wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. He arrived at good, after some thought, deciding it meant he didn’t feel the need to drink as much currently.   
Collins opened the door to the dark wood of the building, illuminated by the late sun through the window turning the hallways auburn. He trudged up the stairs with his suitcase, the base was unusually quiet to him, being used to students and officers walking around all the time. Not bothering to knock on either of his friend’s doors out of sleepiness and unwillingness to socialise, not even sure if either of them were back yet, Collins continued to his room. After a long smile at the mere closeness to Farrier’s room, he opened his door to his own room. And through the wooden walls, Farrier heard it. Collins was back. Suddenly his stomach tightened and Farrier felt light, he was going to see Collins soon, finally. He mentally cursed himself but the thought faded as quick as it came. It was so strange that they were in the same building again, Farrier had to sit down again because he had begun to pace with worriedness. He took a deep breath and thought about what he should do. Should he stay here and wait until he maybe saw Collins at dinner? Yes, that would be sensible, that way he wouldn’t be able to speak to Collins, only glance from a distance. That was safe. But a tiny voice in the back of Farrier’s mind refused to be ignored. The man pushed on his knees and stood with a wince. He considered what he looked like, glancing in the mirror as he rarely did these days. Would he be acceptable? Not clean shaven, some old vaguely beige turtleneck, his flying boots which he used as slippers much to Canfield’s dismay, and dark trousers. He looked half in uniform and half not, Farrier considered changing but then realised how pedantic that would be. He walked towards the door and slowly opened it, closing it softly behind him. Farrier was going to wait in their spot, deciding he didn’t altogether care if Collins knew it was deliberate or not. He waited and Collins didn’t come out of his room, Farrier felt stupid for hoping he’d immediately meet him. He waited longer, wondering if the blonde would come out of his room. Farrier turned away from Collins’ door to look down into the courtyard. The shadows were becoming long across the dirt and the light was becoming more orange than gold now as the sun drooped lower in the sky. Farrier sighed quietly. He’d miss this quietness, it was already set in his head what was coming in the future, he knew what was going to happen. He remembered the feeling all too well, this strange tension in any political discussion, in any newspaper article, things that weren’t said but heavily implied. He knew. The man ran a hand through his short hair, his fingers catching on one of the few scars, running over it a few times feeling the smooth skin. He didn’t want peace to end, then the thought that Collins might go to war dawned on him and he felt slightly sick. Farrier cursed himself for being so un-patriotic, he was supposed to want to help his country in her time of need, should it come. Instead he wanted to be safe and sound, without having to worry about being shot at and falling thousands of feet from the air. The man still hadn’t forgiven himself for being out of action for part of the war, maybe that’s why he didn’t want to go back, he thought. He was afraid he’d be useless again. But then again Farrier knew that sometimes things could only be solved with conflict, it was out of his control so he tried to stop thinking about it. If there was a war, he had chosen to stay with the RAF and so he would be deployed and that was that.  
Then a door opened behind Farrier, he turned to see a surprised looking Collins. Farrier’s stomach lurched at the sight, there really were no imperfections to this boy, he was all pale skin and golden hair and- that hair is too long to be regimental the man thought to himself with a smile.  
“Afternoon” Collins said, shoving his hands in his pockets with a shy smile.  
Farrier was amused, being gone for a week and just a simple ‘afternoon’ as if he hadn’t seen him for a few hours. The man smiled,  
“Good afternoon, Collins” he replied.  
Collins couldn’t take his eyes off the stubble. It suited Farrier’s ruggedness, he wasn’t sure which look he liked more. The blonde wanted to touch Farrier desperately, even in just a friendly manner. He was in front of him, after being for all it mattered half a world away all week. Collins knew he shouldn’t though, so he made do with striding across the hall and standing next to the man, their backs both against the windowsill.   
Collins looked better than Farrier  remembered. And smelled better too. They both stood smiling for a second before Farrier turned to the window and rested his arms on the ledge.  
“Did you have a good week?” he asked.  
“Aye yae, was alrigh’” Collins smiled and ran a hand through his hair. Farrier chuckled.  
“Ah, yae bein’ back up there seemed tae ‘ave reset my Scots” Collins laughed.  
“So easy tae slip back into, donnae worry I’m aware I sound like a crazy person to yae” he added.  
“I hadn’t noticed you’d lost any of it to be honest” Farrier said, Collins relished in his deep voice, finally able to hear it again.  
“How was your holiday then?” the blonde asked.  
“Oh, you know” Farrier said, turning to smile at Collins, who merely cocked his head to the side and smiled back.  
“It wasn’t bad” Farrier said.  
“Bit lonely” he added, looking back at the blonde, who standing straight next to Farrier’s hunched over figure exemplified his slender figure.  
“Aye, mine too” Collins admitted. The thought of Ben crossed his mind for the first time since getting back, but then he was lost once more in those sea blue eyes. How had he forgotten all of this about Farrier? His mind couldn’t come close to remembering how amazing the man was in real life. Farrier cleared his throat,  
“Have you seen your friends yet?” he asked.  
“Nae, wanted tae take a quiet afternoon before they try any shenanigans” he answered,  
“Fair enough” Farrier replied.  
“Eejits’ll probably try an’ get me out tonight even!” Collins added,  
“Ah they shouldn’t want to be doing that” the man beside him laughed.  
“it’s good to have you back.” Farrier said earnestly, the sun lighting up his face as he smiled. Collins felt a pang of nerves in his chest at the sincerity of the words.  
“Good tae be back” he answered. They stood in silence for a few more moments, Collins looked out at the courtyard as the sun got lower still.  
“So what’s happenin’ in the morrow?” the blonde asked.  
“Well, you’ve reached the stage of training where it all begins to get a little… regimental.” Farrier said. Thinking about it made him nervous, he wondered if Collins would care if he went and got a smoke.  
“Ah yae, so more strict?” Collins broke his thoughts.  
“Yes a bit, but also you’ll learn how to stand in formation and march, salute, that kind of thing, how to act towards superior officers, how to conduct yourselves and there’s also obviously the flying.” Farrier continued, his fingers drumming at the thought of the new order of Hurricanes coming in. From what he’d heard of them they were good planes, but the man wasn’t looking forward to seeing the sand and spinach paint colours on them.  
“Sounds like fun then.” Collins smiled out the window,  
“Good” Farrier mumbled.  
“Do we keep doin’ the physical activities?” Collins asked.  
“Overall? Yes a bit. There’ll be another swimming lesson at some point, it’s more of a fun carnival day to be honest, to make sure you can all swim is all. As for the fight training you had, no. We give basic hand to hand combat lessons, but pilots are not to carry any guns except the flare gun in the plane so we don’t teach anything beyond fighting with your hands, the most you do in the quadrangle now is learning to march and that.” Farrier answered absent-mindedly. He was trying not to stare at Collins, he had gotten used to not being able to over the holidays, now the blonde was here and seemingly more striking than before in Farrier’s eyes.  
“Are we swimmin’ in winter?” Collins asked, not out of fear of doing so, but mere curiosity. If anything it would be more fun that way.  
“No, ‘course not!” Farrier laughed.  
“We do it next summer, it’d be freezing in winter Collins.” Farrier was amused, what a different life it must be in some small town in the middle of nowhere, where you swim year round in water that’s probably always half frozen anyway, and don’t know that regular pools are chlorinated. He smiled at the memory of Collins not realising there was chlorine in the pool.  
“Wha’?” the blonde asked.  
“Ah nothing, I should get on.”   
“Alright,” Collins drew out the word to sound unconvinced that it was nothing. They could kiss right now and nobody would ever know, Collins thought to himself. As soon as the thought came he realised how stupid it was, and yet he found himself staring at Farrier in fondness. They were alone in the hallway, the building was silent, and the way Farrier’s eyes and golden skin were lighting up in the evening sun was mesmerizing. The two leaned with their backs against the windowsill. Farrier stared back, taking this small chance to really take in everything that was Collins, with nobody to watch or judge, gone were the worry lines on his forehead, instead a peaceful smile.   
Collins’ gaze shifted from Farrier’s eyes quickly down to his lips then back up, and then he wasn’t sure if he was imagining moving a fraction of an inch closer.   
Farrier’s heart leapt and he quickly looked down and away. _Shit_ Collins thought to himself. What had he done? His insides turned to liquid hoping he hadn’t just ruined whatever they had going, that little mind game they were playing constantly. Something as small as a change in gaze was something terrible in the world they lived in. Every little movement had to be careful constructed for the public eye, and Collins just overstepped the line. Even though there was nobody around it wasn’t safe.  
Farrier smiled at the ground.  
“I’m sorry.” He said to Collins while maintaining a smile, the blonde looked away and breathed out deeply.  
“No, I am” Collins replied. He was so, so sorry.  
“We’re not allowed to.” The brunette said, eyes full of longing, they flicked down to Collins’ downturned mouth, teasing the notion in his mind.  
“I know.” Collins replied. And it was agonizing.  
“I should go” Collins said quietly.  
“Okay Collins” Farrier replied.   
“See you at dinner, Farrier.” Collins added as he began walking down the hallway.  
“See you then.” Farrier replied as he went back to his room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading everyone, your support means so much to me. ❤️ If anyone wants to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com
> 
> Until next chapter guys! (Btw things start to pick up a bit from here)


	30. War talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, hope you enjoy this one!

Collins was still somewhat tired from his long train ride, Collins knocked on Dawson’s door, there was no answer. He then tried down the hall at Wingnut’s, to which there was an elated boy on the other side.

“Collins!” he exclaimed as he threw his arms around the blonde.

“Good tae see you too Wingnut” Collins laughed, his mind immediately distracted from the earlier encounter with Farrier.

“Dawson’s no’ in yet” he added,

“Yeah I tried his door a while back, guess he’ll be in later.” Wingnut replied. The boys walked back to the sandwich bar down the street for some snacks, for old time’s sake, and then spent the rest of the afternoon playing card games in Collins’ room.

Farrier wasn’t sure what to feel. He was elated of course, Collins had shown him something genuine and something intimate, shown more interest in the man than the lad had previously, ever. Farrier was in disbelief that this wasn’t some sort of elaborate joke, that someone was actually interested in the likes of him. But the other half of him was utterly ashamed. Collins was a student, Collins was another male, Collins was very much younger than he. It was all wrong, all of it. But it felt so sacred and special, how could it be? 

Eventually the two boys made their way down to the mess hall for dinner, Wingnut apparently had gotten the idea from somewhere or someone that the kitchen staff begin cooking dinner one night before semester goes back for the boarders specifically. To Collins’ amazement the lad was right about something. They sat in their usual spot, minus Dawson. The room was a lot emptier, there were only about fifteen other men, including Canfield and Farrier sitting in their usual spot also. Collins let his eyes wander over to them, relishing in the feeling that the meal time glances in Farrier’s direction were now back, he was feeling a little better about their earlier meeting, mainly because Farrier didn’t seem to take it too badly.

“Hello there mate” Wingnut waved a hand in front of Collins’ face, snapping him out of his gaze. He chuckled nervously and his friend merely shook his head in amusement. The boys saw Canfield get up slowly and walk to the front. 

“Thank you men!” he said to get everyone’s attention.

“I trust you all had an enjoyable week off, we’ll be glad to see you back in classes tomorrow bright and early. Now, we’re serving up the food soon, don’t forget to say a big thank you to the lovely kitchen ladies when you collect your food please.” 

All the while Canfield was speaking Farrier was watching Collins. He was mesmerised, he wanted nothing but him. A pang in the chest was felt when Farrier thought about the fact that he never would have him, and thankfully his thoughts were interrupted when everyone got up for food. After eating, Wingnut and Collins made to leave the dining hall, Collins noticed both officers had stayed back and were speaking to the ladies at the kitchen.

“So ladies, as you know we very much appreciate all your lovely work you do for us around the place.” Farrier began, mainly directing it at Ms. Downing.

“The times are, unfortunately, changing, I trust you all know the hostile nature of the current political landscape.” He said, a few nods in response. 

“Gatwick is to be converted into a fully operational base. We’ll be getting more men on sight, more planes, more freedom. But, you ladies all know why the mess hall is underground don’t you?” he asked, to which he got shaking heads.

“Oh” he said, smiling at Canfield, who took over.

“Yes, this mess hall is also a shelter. It is of solid concrete to protect against bombing. But, if in the event of war, we would assumedly be using RDF here at Gatwick. Here arises a job opportunity for you all. By no means do you need to take it, but we would like to know who of you would be willing to undergo training to receive radio signals in the event of war.” Canfield said.

“I will” Ms Downing said.

“As will I” said another, until every woman had agreed to the proposition.

“You ladies truly are marvellously brave, thank you all.” Canfield said.

“It really means a great deal to us that you’re willing to do this, thank you.” Farrier said. The men said their goodnights and the ladies began to gossip about the prospects of the future as they cleaned the kitchen.

It was only around 8:00 that there was a knock on Wingnut’s door, he and Collins had been inside playing questions and commands again, Collins was beginning to think he probably shouldn’t be playing at his age, but he knew Wingnut loved it. Collins was just thankful Wingnut hadn't asked about Farrier so far.

The person at the door was Dawson. 

“Hey guys!” he said as he threw his suitcase into the room so he could embrace them both.

“Back late!” Collins remarked,

“Yeah, wanted to have dinner with the family, the trains run late so I was able to stay there a little longer.” He answered.

“Good on ya, suppose nobody’s up for going out then?” Wingnut asked, only getting laughs in response. Dawson was tired, as was Collins. though Timson as usual seemed to have never ending energy. The boys called the night off soon after Dawson arrived, and Collins had to admit he himself wouldn’t have chosen to walk straight in to his friends after getting back, it seemed he was the least social of the three. Not that he minded, Collins was peaceful when he was alone. After he left his friends for the night, Collins saw an empty hallway where he’d hoped to see Farrier. Something in the back of his mind told him it was because he messed up earlier, but he banished the thought. Maybe he’d stay out there for a bit, just in case. The blonde collected his drawing things and put on his pyjamas. Tonight he sat cross legged against the front of his door in the corridor to doodle. Nobody every came out into the hallway, there were so little boarders, and on the off chance someone did come wandering in search of the bathroom, the building was so old you'd hear them creaking down the hall from a mile away. It was, in relative terms, a safe meeting place.

Farrier knew he was out there, he heard him. He didn’t know if tonight was a good night to see him though. The man’s heart hadn’t calmed from their almost-moment earlier, and wasn’t sure what facing the blonde again would do, if he’d be able to control himself. That’s when it dawned on Farrier, as a definite thought. It had always been there, he just hadn’t put much thought towards the fact. Collins was different because he didn’t just see him as a man he’d gladly fuck, which of course he would, but Farrier had feelings for him beyond that. The man was put out, he didn’t really have soft feelings, it wasn’t his thing. At least until now, apparently. Farrier just liked being around the blonde, liked seeing him, wanted to get to know him, and just be in his company. 

Collins had a blank mind, he couldn’t draw. He sat in the moonlight pondering if he’d done the right thing. He couldn’t help it, it had been months on end of this torturous game, pretending nothing was there and then every night chatting, every night getting closer and closer, finding out more about the other, becoming more comfortable. It wasn’t fair, Collins wanted nothing more than to show Farrier how he felt. Even flying right now, was second to this. To hell with the laws, it was cruel and downright depressing. At that moment the door to Farrier’s room opened causing him to jump slightly, even though several feet away. 

“Hello down there” Farrier smiled warmly as he saw the man sitting down. Farrier shut his door and walked over to Collins, wincing as his knees bent to sit beside him.

“Hiya.” Collins tried to smile, but it hurt inside, somewhere deep.

Farrier sighed.

“I said, it’s okay.” At the words Collins looked over, he could feel that his expression looked like a hurt puppy.

“It’s not. I stepped over a boundary today Farrier, it’s no’ okay.” Collins said.

Another sigh from Farrier,

“Perhaps we should speak of other things. But, I didn’t mind.” He said with a small smile. That made Collins feel a bit better.

“What are you drawing tonight?” the man then asked, peering over at the blank page in front of Collins.

“Ah, nothin’. Cannae think” the blonde said.

The two sat in silence for a few moments.

“Can I tell you something? It’s about the future of Gatwick RAF.” Farrier said out of the blue.

“Uh, okay?” Collins answered.

“It’s not, well I might not be supposed to tell you but anyway. We’re being converted to a full time airdrome. This means a few things. Firstly, there’ll be a lot more men here than usual. Secondly, we’re getting a shipment of fighter planes. And thirdly, well it means Britain is gearing up for war.” Farrier said. Collins was unsure how to respond,

“Okay” he arrived at.

“Thank yae for telling me” he added.

“No problem. It’s been on my mind since I got the news. War isn’t something I’m looking forward to.” Farrier said.

“We’re having a visit from the Air Ministry on Wednesday, they’re coming to survey the block and make sure everything is in order.” He said, chatting nervously.

“Good things come from war, too” Collins said, not that he knew much on the matter.

“I know. And sometimes it’s inevitable. Just didn’t have a great time in the last one.” Farrier smiled sadly.

“What was it like?” Collins probed.

“The war? It was war. At the start I didn’t know what to expect, I was excited, after doing flying in fairs with Canfield I thought it would be like that. A lot of the planes back then had a gunner and a pilot, two jobs. The gunner would stand precariously shooting the thing around while the pilot would fly. At first I was a gunner actually, but they tried me as a pilot and seemed to like me there more. But the first time you have to shoot at another human being is… Something else.” Farrier said, looking at Collins, who looked intrigued but disturbed.

“And the first time you get shot at, is the scariest thing that’ll have ever happened in your life at that point.” He added.

“All open cockpits back then mind you, nothing to protect you against the machine guns, and the bombs.” Farrier said quietly.

“We donnae have to talk about war” Collins suggested.

“Canfield says it’s good for me to get used to it.” Farrier said back, looking out the window across the hallway from them.

“So the planes were a lot different, yeah?” Collins asked.

“Very. They were mostly biplanes, some triplanes too. Wooden frames, little to no metal back then, two bladed wooden propellers, sometimes four bladed ones were fitted for the aces because they heated the engine up so much. With four blades the prop only has to spin half as fast.” Farrier grinned.

“Was that you then?” Collins smirked. He got a response in the form of a cheeky smile at the floor. The blonde was taken-aback, he was joking when he’d asked. Farrier was an ace?

“You were?” Collins asked, wide eyed.

“Um, yeah.” Farrier smiled.

“You were an ace?” Collins repeated, 

“Yes, Collins.” Farrier chuckled. Collins’ blue eyes were full of admiration as they stared in awe. He’d never met an ace before, but here was one, right beside him the whole time.

“The novelty wears off” the man said wearily.

“Sure it does” Collins said in disbelief.

“No, it does, really. When you think about why you’re an ace, who paid the price for your title, it’s not as… shiny.” Farrier said, Collins supposed this was true. Even so, it didn’t stop him from having even more respect for Farrier than before, and he didn’t even think that was possible.

“How many?” Collins asked. It was a while before Farrier answered,

“Twenty-three.” Now he had to be joking.

“You’ve gottae be one of the highest scoring aces in the war!” Collins said,

“No, not at all. From Britain maybe, just maybe. But you’re forgetting about a lot of them” Farrier said.

“Like who?” the blonde persisted,

“The Red Baron, for one.” Farrier replied.

“Well how many did he get?”

“Over eighty.” The brunette replied.

“You shoulda shot him doon, too” Collins laughed. Farrier hummed uncomfortably.

In reality he’d tried to. 

“There must be something yae enjoyed about the war though” Collins said.

“Well, I did like flying in formation, that was fun. The views were nice if you tried to forget what was going on” Farrier said nostalgically, thankful the conversation was changing.

“Flying outside of wartime is better.” He said definitively to Collins.

“Do you remember much about the war?” Farrier asked.

“No’ really, food rations, giving stuff to the local depot to use, not much more than that really. Aviemore is pretty far removed from most things” Collins chuckled.

“Sounds like it” Farrier replied.

“Well, we should get to bed. Class tomorrow” Farrier added.

“Aye, alright.” Collins said getting up. Farrier did the same with a wince, Collins resisted the urge to ask if he was okay.

“Well, it’s been a nice night” Farrier said,

“Aye” Collins responded. The men both walked back into their rooms trying to hide their smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading as always everyone, I feel like after the previous chapter this one was so tame! But not every chapter can be filled with juicy stuff right? And tbh I love just writing serious plot, all the stuff about WW1 was true, god those planes were dangerous, but I digress.  
> Thanks for all your lovely feedback btw!  
> If anyone wants to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com  
> Until next chapter <3


	31. First Day Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, hope everyone has had a good week since last update.

It was back to the usual early morning wakeup for Collins, who wasn’t pleased about the cold floor beneath his feet. He trudged around the room getting ready as the sun got higher and the air warmer, conscious he needed a haircut as he swept the blonde mess out of his eyes. As the man walked down to the mess hall for breakfast he was glad to get back to the regime, even if it was too early. A few minutes passed before he saw Dawson come through the door.

“Mornin’” Collins smiled,

“Good morning” Dawson yawned.

“Where’s Timson?” Dawson asked,

“No’ here yet. Bugger probably slept in” Collins chuckled.

“Yeah. More food for us then” Dawson replied before walking off to the front for cereal, Collins followed suit.

“You really need to stop wearing those as slippers, boy!” Canfield said, pointing under the table at Farrier’s flying boots.

“They’re warm” he countered, hiding his face in his mug of tea, noticing the blue rim had a chip in the paint. And they were warm, sheepskin was very warm, that’s why actual slippers were made out of the stuff, so his flying boots were essentially long slippers, Farrier thought to himself.

“That’s no excuse, you’ll wear them out before you even get into the planes.” Canfield said as he ate. Farrier shrugged in response.

“Then I’ll get new ones” he said after a mouthful. Canfield just sighed, Farrier looked up and saw a small smile on the man’s face.

“So the Air Ministry called at some ungodly hour this morning.” Canfield said,

“Mm?” Farrier had his mouth full.

“They specified that they’re sending Hugh Dowding in to see Gatwick, they couldn’t find a representative free at that time so he’s coming in person.” The older man continued. Farrier nearly choked on his tea.

“Shit.” Was all he could manage.

“As in, Air Chief Marshall?” Farrier thought he ought to specify.

“Yes.” Canfield breathed. Farrier rubbed his forehead with his hand and stopped eating.

“He’s not going to promote us to a full time base.” Farrier said,

“Why?” asked Canfield.

“Look at the place, it still looks like the school it used to be, it’s not a military base at all!” Farrier stressed.

“Relax boy. Nothing we can do now but hope.” Canfield said.

“We better have a big word to the boys then.” Farrier said before having another mouthful of cereal. It was at that moment that a very frazzled Timson burst through the doors, Collins and Dawson rolled their eyes at him as he ran to the front for food. He had his trousers on backwards.

First class of the day was with Canfield.

“Right class, it’s oh-eight-thirty hours!” he said, earning a few quizzical looks.

“Now that you’re in the first course at your training department station, as well as obviously splitting up into the actual roles you will fulfil, there are a few lifestyle changes that need to take place.” He said.

“First, is that you must refer to the time in twenty-four hour. This is because when flying we refer to things around the plane using numbers on a clock face. Something’s right in front of you, it’s at your twelve o’clock. So we need to distinguish time from that, so the time is twelve-hundred hours.” Canfield explained.

“Secondly, in the coming months you’ll learn to march, salute and properly address superior officers. It’s actually very easy if you’re willing to cooperate.” He continued. Some of the students faces began to drop.

“Oh, come on. It has to be done, you’re in the military after all!” Canfield laughed. Sometimes Collins forgot if he was honest with himself, it was too much fun.

“How will we split you into your roles within the RAF I hear you ask?” Canfield said, nobody asked and he continued.

“Well, it will involve many different activities and trials, whatever you excel in will lead us towards your best suited role here. Even if you really want to be something, if you’re not going to be good at that then there’s really no point you undertaking that job at all.” He said.

“Which is why as soon as we can we’ll get you into the planes, now that you know enough about aerodynamics and the engineering side of things.” He added. At this there was an eruption of cheers.

“Settle down boys! Settle down.” The old man chuckled and continued with the lesson.

Farrier had been assigned with one of the more experienced groups on account of their usual officer being ill.

“Right boys, now I don’t know what you’ve been taught yet, but you’re up to navigating correct?” Farrier addressed the group of fifteen or so.

“Yeah” a few said,

“Right. Have you done the lesson in the Oxford without being able to see out the windows?” he asked. Nobody responded.

“Right, guess we’re doing that today then. So I’ll go up with groups, we won’t worry about formal positions in the plane. Everyone gets a map of the area, we put curtains on all the windows and you try and show on the map where you are, using nothing but the instrument panel to guide you. We won’t be able to go very far because of airway restrictions, but it’ll be enough.” He finished. Then Farrier realised one of the boys in the group was Miller, the boy who’d been in the crash months ago. As the group split roughly in half Farrier walked over to the boy.

“Miller. How are you? Haven’t really seen you since your accident.” He said,

“I’m well, and I suppose it was a good lesson. I wasn’t hurt, just shaken up.” The blonde answered.

“You’re right, accidents are actually a very good way to learn, but I’m glad you weren’t hurt, don’t know what we’d do with the legal work if a student was injured flying by himself!” Farrier coaxed a laugh out of the boy.

“Yeah, again I’m really sorry.” Miller said,

“And again, it’s fine. I’ve done much worse damage to planes, and it’s already been repaired so don’t worry. The only thing that matters is that you didn’t get hurt, it would have put you out of action for a long time Miller. Something you, well something you hopefully won’t come to learn about plane crashes is that you either get out fine, or you get out badly, there’s no small bumps or cuts, it’s one extreme or the other.” Farrier said.

“Yeah?” the boy said.

“Yeah.”

“How’s that?” he asked.

“Well, planes are just dangerous, if something goes wrong for you, it’ll likely be major.” Farrier said as they began walking to the Oxford.

“Now, you lot wait around here and study the maps while we go up.” Farrier instructed.

“I’ll tell you about my first crash some time.” Farrier said with a smile.

“Okay, Farrier” Miller smiled and went to sit on the grass with the other boys.

The first group put their helmets and radio gear on and got into the plane.

“Do you men want me to take off, or would someone like to try?” Farrier asked. No answers.

“Anyone?” Farrier asked again.

“Alright, I’ll give it a try.” A brunette said.

“Excellent, now I don’t believe I’ve worked with you before, you are?” Farrier asked.

“My name’s Godfrey. Nice to meet you Squadron Leader.” The boy held a hand to shake, which Farrier took.

“Likewise, Godfrey. Now, you’ve taken of in this before?”

“Yes, twice.” The boy answered.

“Right. I’ll just watch then.” Farrier sat in the second seat next to the primary pilot.

Godfrey was doing well, if a little shaky on the controls, Farrier thought to himself. He tried not to intervene though. Eventually the plane was lined up on the runway and Godfrey pushed the throttle forwards. The twin engines roared as the heavy plane began to move at speed,

“Ah-“ Farrier said, he had to grab the joystick and pull back on it slightly, the plane was going fast enough that it had begun to tip forwards.

“When you feel that first lean forwards, that’s when you pull back, otherwise you’ll drive us into the ground.” Farrier said over the radio now that the engines were running, he was only half joking.

“Sorry” the boy muttered.

“Not a worry, that’s why I’m here.” Replied Farrier, who watched as the plane left the ground and Godfrey retracted the wheels.

‘Next time retract the landing gear a little later, but good work!” Farrier said.

“Thank you, Farrier” Godfrey replied. 

“Right, now I’ll take the pilot’s seat in a second, you boys pull down all the window covers.” Farrier instructed as he watched Godfrey fly.

Collins yet again was looking out the window rather than listening to Canfield. They were flying the bomber trainer, it sounded so loud and heavy, he couldn’t imagine what it would be like to fly, his base only had three small planes.

“Collins.” Canfield said, the blonde didn’t appear to hear. Then Wingnut shoved him to get his attention, Collins looked at his friend in annoyance, who then gestured to the front where Canfield was, Collins followed Wingnut’s gaze to a disappointed looking Wing Commander.

“Sorry” Collins muttered. Canfield sighed with a smile.

“You’ll get there, but please, am I that boring?” he asked,

“No no! I just, agh it’s just distracting when that’s goin’ on outside the window.” Collins explained, pointing.

“Yes I know. God, I remember when I was that excited to fly.” He said.

“Why aren’t yae anymore?” Collins asked. The old man thought.

“Actually, come to think of it, I think I still am. It’s not as new and shiny, but it’s still just as special.” Canfield smiled.

“When did you start flying?” someone asked,

“Oh, that would have to be when I was thirty, or around then I believe.” Canfield answered.

“In fairs, righ’?” Collins asked.

“Yes, actually.” Canfield gave him a quizzical look.

“Ah, Farrier told me” Collins clarified.

“Did he now? Well, did he tell you I always won?” the man smiled.

“Nae” Collins chuckled, he felt wrong for letting that tiny sliver of information slip, letting Canfield know he’d been talking about private life with Farrier.

“Well, I almost always won. You see class, flying used to be a novelty, nothing more. Before the idea to militarise a plane had even been conceived they were just for pleasure. Farrier and I would fly them in local fairs, win money for competing in competitions.” He explained to the class. Then he began explaining what Collins already knew from Farrier, how he came to work for the RAF through the fairground flying.

“Right, we’re at decent altitude now boys. I’m going to take over flying, I want each of you to take one last look out the windows so you know where we are.” Farrier said and took the seat after Godfrey got up.

“Now, we’ll fly for five minutes, all come and watch the controls, keep note of airspeed indicator, compass and directional gyroscope, and then you’ll all tell me where we are.” He said. They turned on the lights inside the dark plane after Farrier put down the blind on the front windscreen, the boys crowded around his seat to look at the controls. He was used to it, he knew how to navigate but Farrier imagined the boys were nervous about not seeing out the windows. The five minutes passed.

“Right, where are we?” he asked.

“Should just be coming over the church?” one said,

“No we’re nearly at the Thames!” said Godfrey. Everyone had a different answer, much to Farrier’s dismay.

“Open the blinds.” He said. They looked down to see the river.

“I was right!” Godfrey exclaimed over the radio.

“Yes, well done. Now we’ll fly again for five minutes, I’m going to make a turn so watch the turn indicator and artificial horizon.” Farrier suggested. Eyes flicked between the dials on the plane and the maps they all held. He made a turn to port, almost completely back in the direction they’d come from but not quite.

“Right, now where are we?” he asked again.

“Are we back?” Godfrey asked. That was the answer Farrier had hoped one would get, an old trick to confuse them was to make an almost 180 degree turn but not quite, they usually seemed to think the turn had been completed.

“I dunno, I think we’re near the train station.” Said another boy.

“Let’s see.” Farrier said and pulled up the main blind revealing the station in front of them.

“Well done, how did you know?”

“Compass” the boy answered.

“Good. Men take note, you’d be surprised how often pilots forget about the compass when they can see, but to be perfectly accurate you have to know exactly where you face.” He said.

“Look, there’s base” Farrier pointed out and there was a small chorus of ‘ah’s as they all realised where they were.

“Right boys. Anyone want to land?” Farrier asked. Nobody answered.

“Last chance” he said, no answers again.

“Alright, go sit down and strap in then lads.” He said.

“But you need to get used to doing it sometime soon.” He added.

Collins had finally begun to get into the zone of learning again, he blamed the week off for his lack of attention, when he heard a roaring engine above the classroom. 

“Jeez” someone said.

“Aye, louder than usual.” he said, looking at Canfield for confirmation that it was normal.,

“Don’t worry, that’s just the Oxford coming back. Judging by the sound Farrier’s probably flying it, bit close to the roof in my opinion.” He laughed.

“Thought you said he was a good flyer?” someone asked.

“He is, he’s a very, very good flyer but he’s a fighter pilot, sometimes he forgets bombers need more room. Or maybe he doesn’t, he can be reckless with his flying too, so either he didn’t anticipate being that close to the roof, or he did and is fine with being this close.” Canfield said.

“Is that bad, to be reckless?” Dawson asked.

“Good question, actually. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. Farrier’s recklessness has gotten him more good than bad in his time, but yet some wouldn’t approve of his style.” Canfield answered.

“Wouldn’t picture him to be a reckless pilot!” someone laughed, Collins knew it was Anderson without turning around.

“Hmm, okay well let’s call it confidence, not recklessness. Yes, that word fits better.” Canfield said.

“Wouldn’t picture that either.” Anderson replied.

“I can imagine none of you would, he’s a cheeky bugger when you get to know him.” Canfield laughed.

“He’s a great pilot, he takes risks that a lot wouldn’t, the ground crews never liked him much, he put too much stress on the engine!” Canfield added. Collins shook his head thinking of the four-bladed propeller Farrier had to get.

“Were we too close to the roof?” Godfrey asked.

“What? Nah, course not. We had miles of room, don’t worry.” Farrier said. He could tell that wasn’t convincing.

“Once you get to really know the plane, you know exactly how much room you have to work with. Of course some would say it’s good to be over cautious, but why? There was no possible chance we were going to hit the roof, I promise you. I imagine we had maybe five-hundred feet, at least. It looks like less when you’re flying but I know how much the plane dips below.” He said.

“Now, we have to make quite a harsh turn here because of our air restrictions and I need to line the plane up for the runway, so hold tight.” Farrier said. He’d be glad when the restrictions changed, it was always so difficult to turn the big planes around to land. He pulled hard on the joystick to the right and put his right foot down, lifting his left completely off the pedal. He put the landing flaps up on one wing to help speed things along too. 

The class had abandoned the lesson, even Canfield had his arms folded and was watching out the window.

“Far out, look at that!” Wingnut said to Dawson.

“That tight turn, actually isn’t his fault. Our air restrictions make it very hard to turn the bigger planes around to land them, Farrier’s actually doing a good job boys.” Canfield said.

“How can yae tell it’s him for sure?” Collins asked.

“When you know a man as long as I have, you know his flying when you see it. They want us all to fly the same, but it will never be so, we’re built to be individuals. All pilots try and learn the same way, but they each turn out very differently.” Canfield replied. The class watched as the Oxford landed on the runway without incident. It was the first time Collins knowingly saw Farrier fly. 

The plane landed on the runway and Farrier sat back in the seat. He taxied it over and stopped.

“Right boys, out you get, next lot’s turn.” He said. The boys scrambled out and the next group got in. Farrier still needed to fix that pothole in the runway.

“Well this has been a productive lesson” Canfield mumbled to himself.

“Oh, before you all go, something very important is happening on Wednesday, I can’t believe it’s slipped my mind until now!” Canfield said, everyone getting up sat back down to listen.

“Now this is good, but also bad news. The bad news, is that the reason this is happening is because it’s looking like Britain is in fact, going to war, it’s inevitable by now I think. But, the good news is that Gatwick is going to be surveyed on Wednesday to see if it is suitable to become a full time RAF station for fighter command. This means a few things for you lot, firstly it will mean that you won’t need to go off to the Cranwell college to complete your training, you can stay here if you plan on continuing in fighter command and not joining the bombers or ground crew. Also, it means that the airspace we have will be greatly expanded, so we won’t have to do difficult turns like what you just saw, and we can go on longer flights. It also means you’ll need to prepare for more men to be here than usual, and that we’ll be getting shipments of warplanes. Now I know Wednesday is only a survey of the site, but it’s looking quite confident that Gatwick will run full time, even if the site isn’t perfect, simply because of the need for more stations.” He finished. The crowd was mixed, some were excited, some were nervous. Collins wasn’t sure where he fit in, although he knew most of it from Farrier’s inability to keep it to himself, he still didn’t know what to make of the prospect of war.

“But the main thing, is that the man coming to see us on Wednesday is Air Chief Marshal Hugh Dowding.” Canfield said.

 _Shit_  was all Collins could think to himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading, I appreciate it so much! And thank you for all the lovely feedback too <3 If anyone wants to chat, my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com  
> Until next update, happy reading!


	32. Preparations for Inspection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, guess I felt like I needed a mid week chapter! Hope you enjoy this one, it’s kinda plot heavy.

It was Wednesday, July 6th. Farrier awoke stressed already. He bolted out of bed and got ready for the day, almost running down the stairs to have an early breakfast.  
Canfield was already there thankfully.  
“Are we supposed to be in full uniform for him?” Farrier asked as soon as he sat down at the table.  
“No rules, but I will be, it’s respectful.” Canfield answered.  
“Yes, of course.”  
“Have you ever met him?” Farrier asked Canfield.  
“No, have you?”  
“No” Farrier replied,  
“Well, at least that makes both of us.” The old man chuckled.  
The other officers began to gather at the table.  
“Men, today we’re in full uniform greeting the Air Chief Marshal at the front door, yes?” Farrier said, they began talking about the event that was greeting the Air Chief Marshal, should there be tea on hand for him? Who should escort and who should continue teaching the classes? Farrier couldn’t believe this stuff hadn’t been sorted out already, and his mood only slightly lightened when he saw a certain blonde yawn through the doors.

  
“Can’t believe we’re gonna see him!” Wingnut said,  
“Yeah, I’m nervous” Dawson said,  
“Aye me too.” Collins replied.  
“I hope he likes the base” he added.  
“He will, and even if he doesn’t, like Canfield said they need another airbase anyway, he doesn’t have to like it.” Wingnut chimed in.  
Farrier ended up having to be the one to teach a class before the arrival of Hugh Dowding, he wasn’t pleased about it but Canfield convinced him on the grounds that he was the least nervous. No he wasn’t, he just didn’t show it like the others were.

  
He was drumming his fingers on the desk when Collins walked into the room. Farrier wished he could just go and smoke a cigarette and not worry about this. When everyone was seated he addressed the class.  
“Morning boys, today we’re actually going to be going out and learning to stand in formation, so out into the quadrangle.” He said. The class walked out into the dirt.  
“Now, the way you line up is that we need ten men across, there must be one large step’s distance between the line behind you when marching but today for the sake of practice have more than that, and if you remember how we spaced ourselves out when we did the physical training, your left arm out to the side with a clenched fist should be almost at the shoulder of the man next to you.” He explained. Everyone shuffled around and Collins was thankful he didn’t end up in the front line.  
“Now we’re going to learn about body placement and I’m going to give you some basic commands.” Said Farrier.  
“So the first thing you need to know is how to stand to attention.” He said.  
“So, heels together and your feet turned outwards. Your knees must be straight. Now your hands, clenched fists facing inwards with your thumbs at the front, they have to be immediately behind the seams of your trousers.” Farrier continued, the group moved to follow.  
“Your shoulders need to be square, pushed back and down a bit, but don’t strain them, and let your arms just fall from the shoulders. Stand up straight lads, and don’t let your head hang at all.” He said.  
“Now, it should look like this.” Said Farrier, and he stood to attention. After a few moments he relaxed,  
“Now I’m going to do a quick walk around to check, keep your eyes looking their own height, and straight forwards, don’t get distracted by anything.” He said.   
Collins took a quick look down to make sure his feet were in the correct position before straightening as much as he could. Farrier began walking slowly between the rows of men, straightening one up, pushing another’s shoulders back more, until they were all good enough in his eyes. Collins was sure disappointment was the wrong emotion to feel when Farrier didn’t need to fix his posture as he walked past the blonde. The man returned to the front of the group.  
“Good. Now relax men.” He said,  
“Now, the next command I’ll show you is standing at ease. Contrary to what you might think, it doesn’t mean relax. What you do now, is that your hands will be behind your back, the right hand in the palm of the left, both hands are open. So your left hand should be touching your back, with your right hand in it. The next part to standing at ease is that you must step out with your left leg so that your feet are shoulder width apart. Stand at ease, like stand to attention, permits no movement.” Farrier said.  
“So, stand at ease.” He commanded. The men did as they were told and Farrier walked around them again. Collins ignored his urge to look at Farrier as he passed, even though Farrier tried to make it difficult by lingering his gaze on Collins.  
“Now, the third one is stand easy. It’s the same as stand at ease, but you can relax your body. You cannot move your feet from their position, but you can move your arms, look around, but a slouching attitude isn’t permitted, and you can’t talk either.” Farrier said. Collins decided he liked it when Farrier was in work mode. He wondered if he would enjoy Farrier giving him direct orders or not. He tried to stop thinking about it when his cheeks got hot.  
“Now we’ll try those three. Okay?” Farrier said with some nervous chuckles in response.  
“Attention!” he said loudly, Collins moved as quickly as he could to the position, partially because he was startled by the sudden instruction. He did like it when Farrier gave him a direct order. Farrier looked around the group.  
“At ease!” he said equally as loud, Collins stepped out quickly with his left leg as instructed and folded his hands behind his back.  
“Good, now stand easy.” Farrier ended. Collins let his shoulder slump and looked sideways at Dawson, who tried not to giggle.  
“Now, we’re going to touch on saluting, then we’re done.” The man said.  
“Your right arm has to come out to the side when you lift it up, not forwards at all. Your middle finger should be touching your temple. When you bring your salute down, you should bring your arm down in the shortest possible way.” Farrier said. He then demonstrated.  
“When you’re saluting to the left or right instead of the front, it’s exactly the same except your head is turned in that direction, but we’re just focusing on saluting to the front today.” He added.  
“So now we’ll try it. To the front, and, arms!” Farrier commanded, and at that the men saluted. They finished their practices and went back into the classroom.  
“Now, unfortunately you boys aren’t having classes until after lunch, all the officers will be busy with the Air Chief Marshal’s visit.” Farrier said, to which there was a cheer.  
“Yes yes, very fun, good for you lot. But please, and I say this with complete seriousness, act orderly. Do not step out of line. If he sees students wandering about being rowdy he won’t be impressed. You all need to be on best behaviour, okay?” Farrier said. He honestly wished he could hide all he students away somewhere just in case some of them wanted to act out. That got him thinking,  
“Actually if you want to clear off the campus for a few hours, feel very free to.” He said to which he got a laugh from the class. He checked where his watch usually was on his arm, then upon remembering he’d lost it he then looked up at the clock on the wall. Farrier didn’t usually finish early at all, the opposite happened a lot in which he would have to cut the lesson short at the bell. Not knowing what to do he dismissed the class a few minutes early, much to Collins’ very clearly observable disappointment.  
“What’ll we do?” Collins asked his friends as they left,  
“Dunno, should we go up into our rooms or is he gonna inspect them?” Wingnut asked.  
“I don’t know, he might I mean, if it’s turning into a proper base they might want to look at the rooms to see if they can fit more men into one?” Dawson chimed in.  
“Yae but let’s just go in mine, it’s the last in line out of us three, surely if they come upstairs they’ll look into the first ones then leave.” Collins reasoned.

  
Farrier walked to Canfield’s office where he was told to go after his class. Just before he touched the door handle the man felt a sharp pang in his stomach. _Not again_ , he thought, _not today_. After bracing himself on the door for a few seconds with his hand to his torso, Farrier walked in. The room had Canfield, and the two other officers inside, all worrying about the event.  
“Ah, Squadron Leader.” Canfield said.  
“Yes, hello lads. All ready?” he asked, stomach still hurting.  
“Yes, you and Canfield will greet at the door and Davis and I will be posted at the runway ready for the tour of the hangars.” Said Stevenson to Farrier.  
“Okay, that’s fine. So I suppose we just hang about for half an hour then.” He said, not entirely pleased they had to sit and stress for half an hour more.  
“Guess so.” Said Davis.

  
“Why don’t we just sit on the roof? Then there’s no way he’ll barge in on us!” Wingnut suggested.  
“Timson, sometimes I genuinely wonder about you.” Dawson said in complete sincerity, earning a laugh from Collins and a red face from the boy in question.  
“Nae just come to my room, it’ll be fine.” The Scot said. So the three boys walked upstairs and into Collins’ room.  
“Wow, it’s so neat!” Dawson said as they walked in, admittedly Collins did know his was the neatest, he realised that because the other two weren’t in his room often, only once before he could think of, they probably didn’t know how neat he kept it.  
“Ah thanks” he said absent-mindedly, trying to forget the conversation that had taken place about Farrier’s mental health, and physical scars, last time they were all in his room together. They all sat crossed-legged on the floor, not really knowing what to do with themselves.  
“So, we have to be holed up in here for hours?” Wingnut asked.  
“I suppose if we’re not going to leave the base we should probably try and stay in here yeah.” Dawson replied.  
“Maybe we should leave then.” Collins suggested. He didn’t get an answer because Wingnut spotted his sketch book laying open on his bedside table.  
“What’s that?” the brunette asked, getting up to reach for it. Collins was too fast, he got in front of the boy and picked it up himself, shutting it quickly.  
“Oh okay, something we shouldn’t see in there maybe?” Wingnut jested.  
“Yeah probably.” Collins laughed back, Dawson gave some sort of resigned smile. Collins knew he knew what was in the book, Dawson seemed to always know. Of course Collins’ pencil had wandered some nights, never a face on these drawings but details, hands, shirt collars, Dawson would understand immediately if he saw them, but he didn’t even need to see to know who they were of. Collins liked that about him, where Wingnut was crazy and full of energy, Dawson was reflective and much more observant and intuitive.

  
As Farrier leaned against the closed door of the office he couldn’t stop checking the clock, minutes felt like hours, he wanted a smoke, he wanted to know where his watch went, he wanted to lie down, he wanted Collins. Then he was distracted by another pang in his gut, it almost made him double over.  
“Fuck!” he wheezed, out of shock more than pain. All the men around him seemed to take a worried step towards Farrier.  
“Farrier?” Davis said, seeing the man’s hand go straight to his stomach and well aware of his injury as all the officers were.  
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry men.” Farrier said. He took his hand off his torso and stood up straight again, instinctively checking his hand as he did most times after holding his stomach during a particularly painful episode. He was surprised when, contrary to usual, there was actually blood on his fingers.  
“Shit.” He said and looked up at Canfield, who was looking down at Farrier’s torso, the brunette followed his gaze to a small blotch of deep red on the front of his blue shirt.  
“Fuck’s sake, this only happened a month or so ago! And it had to happen again today!” he said loudly.  
“Got any bandages in that drawer?” he added to Canfield.  
“No, go to the hospital building.” The older man instructed.  
Farrier stormed out of the room down the hall. He couldn’t feel much pain in his stomach now, he didn’t know if it was because he was used to the pain of bits of shrapnel coming out, or because there was enough adrenalin that he couldn’t feel it. He left the main building via the front door and walked as quickly as he could to the hospital building which was on the side of the base, hidden away by the fence. It was a small brick building, they never had much use for it but occasionally there would be an accident in a plane. Most of the time they used it as a place to hold all the records and files, but there were trained staff there too. He opened the doors and walked through the wing, not bothering to find anyone to help.  
“Excuse me Squadron Leader?” a woman called after him, he turned.  
“Do you need something?” she asked.  
“I just need some square band aids if you have them.” He answered, not wanting to divulge.  
“Oh, come with me.” She said. They walked the way Farrier was going anyway. She went into a chest of drawers in a storage room.   
“Like these?” she asked, holding a band aid that looked large enough to cover a child’s entire knee.  
“Perfect, thank you.” He said, taking it. It was then that the woman looked down and saw blood on his shirt.  
“Are you okay? Why don’t you sit down?” she asked.  
“No time, but I appreciate the concern. I really must get back to the main building.” He said, Farrier felt bad for rushing off but there was no time for niceties. As he walked he untucked his shirt from his pants and pulled it up a bit. He ran a finger over the open wound and could feel the corner of a piece of shrapnel. No time. He left it in and put the band aid over the top. He walked as quickly as his pain threshold permitted back to the main building and upstairs to his bedroom and changed shirts. He hoped the stain would miraculously come out but he knew blood, he’d need a new shirt now. He slipped on his blazer and grabbed his hat.

  
The three boys heard someone hurry past into the next room, Collins knew Farrier’s footsteps by now. Dawson watched the tense expression on Collins’ face and deducted who had walked past from that.  
“Wonder what he’s doing up here.” Dawson remarked.  
“Aye” Collins said. They didn’t have time to dwell on it any longer as the man could be heard walking back towards the stairs.  
Wingnut shrugged.  
“So are we staying here?” he asked.  
“I dunno but we need to decide before the Air Chief Marshal arrives.” Dawson said.

  
Farrier met with the other officers back in Canfield’s office.  
“You alright son?” the old man asked.  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Farrier shrugged off any pain he could feel.  
He checked the place his watch usually was on his arm. Damn. Checked the clock. Twenty minutes past the hour.  
“We need to assume positions.” He said tersely.   
“Yes. Men, to your posts.” Canfield said. Canfield strode out of the office with Farrier on his heels. Davis and Stevenson headed back to the airstrip. Canfield and Farrier stood to attention one either side of the double front doors, both in full service dress.  
They waited. Farrier looked around the streets, there was nobody to tell him to keep his eyes straight ahead, so why should he? There was a cool breeze blowing down the road, but nobody in sight. He resisted the urge to check his stomach. The minutes went by painstakingly slow, Farrier was restless and his torso was in pain again, he could feel it twinge in time with his pulse but he couldn’t break his form.   
Then Farrier heard something, a car in the distance. Without turning his head he looked as far as he could down the road to confirm what he heard, it was a black car, its lights were on in the dark cloudy conditions. As if Farrier couldn’t tell, Canfield let out a very ominous,  
“He’s here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to everyone who reads my work, I hope this one was a goodie! Thanks for all your lovely feedback, it means the world to me ❤️ If anyone wants to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com  
> Until next chapter, happy reading!


	33. Arrival of the Air Chief Marshal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope everyone had a good week. We’re meeting the Air Chief Marshal this chapter, the first real person to enter my fic!

The Air Chief Marshall arrived at the gate, Canfield and Farrier saluted in unison. The man saluted back, then walked up to the stairs, the two men at the top of them dropped their salutes after the minimum three seconds they knew they had to hold it, and resumed standing to attention. The Air Chief Marshal reached the top step,  
“Morning gentlemen, rest.” He said. His voice was harsh and formal, his face stern.  
Canfield outstretched a hand.  
“Good morning Air Chief Marshal Dowding.” He said following formal speech opening for officers, Dowding took his hand and shook,  
“Good to finally meet you, Wing Commander Canfield. He turned to Farrier who offered his hand and said the same sentence.  
“Good morning to you Squadron Leader Farrier.” Dowding said.  
“Would you like to come in?” Canfield offered.  
“Yes. I must be gone by 1400 hours, but I assume we’ll be finished well before then.” Dowding said.  
“Yes I imagine so.” Canfield replied, and the three men walked inside.  
“Would you like any tea, Air Chief Marshal?” Canfield offered as they closed the door.  
“Oh, yes please.” He said as he tucked his hat under his arm, Canfield and Farrier followed. Farrier noticed the man hadn’t smiled yet. They all went into Canfield’s office and had a cup of tea together, Farrier refrained from dumping copious amounts of sugar into his in front of Dowding, noticing Canfield’s small smile at realising this.  
“So, shall we begin downstairs?” Canfield asked.  
“We could, yes.” The man answered.   
“So, how many more instructors do you have at Gatwick?” Dowding directed his speaking at Farrier for the first time.  
“We have two other full time instructors, and two more part time.” He said.  
“Well!” Dowding laughed, but it didn’t seem like a happy laugh.  
“I didn’t realise Gatwick was so small, indeed when things are upgraded here you’ll need about fifteen or more full time to cope with the amount of men you’ll have here.” He said.  
“Yes, well we have plenty of room for them all here.” Farrier said, he knew that it sounded a little rude, like he was talking back somehow. He was no good at speaking to superiors, even if he’d said something normal he still thought it sounded bad and got nervous because of it. Back in the war he’d somehow managed to earn the reputation of a somewhat cocky pilot, not that he meant to, he just seemed to disagree with his superiors a lot.  
“Have we met before?” Dowding asked Farrier, the man’s stomach tightened somewhat.  
“No, I don’t believe we have, Air Chief Marshal.” Farrier responded. It began to rain outside. London, Farrier thought.   
“Oh, forgive me. I recognise your name is all.” Dowding said.  
“Oh, well I’m quite sure I’ve not met you before.” Farrier replied,  
“Indeed, I don’t recognise you, only your name.” Dowding said, and then finished his tea. The other two men gulped down theirs so they could leave the office.  
“Downstairs then?” Dowding asked.  
“Yes, right this way.” Canfield said and they walked out towards the dining hall.  
They entered the dining hall which was empty of staff at this time of day.  
“Impressive size, is it the same size as the building?” Dowding asked nobody in particular,  
“Yes, they have the same footprint.” Farrier answered.  
“And Canfield on the telephone you said to the Air Ministry it was concrete?” Dowding asked.  
“Indeed, it is.” The older man answered,  
“So in the event of conflict, you would merely take the tables out and convert it?” he asked.  
“Yes, precisely. There are also measures which the Air Ministry has suggested that we could turn it into an RDF station. We actually have confirmation from the kitchen staff here that they would be willing to undergo radio training to continue working here at Gatwick if the situation arises.” Canfield explained.  
“Did they now? That’s very well. I’ll let the chaps at the Ministry know, as it’s most likely that you’d have RDF, most stations that have underground rooms will.” Dowding said. After walking around the dining area a bit Dowding began to head for the door.  
“Where’s next?” he asked, Canfield answered.  
“Well, we could look at the classrooms, the upstairs bedrooms for our boarding students, the quadrangle where we do physical training, or the airstrip and hangars.” He listed.  
“Let’s go upstairs to the rooms, yes?” Dowding said.  
“Of course, Air Chief Marshal.” The older man answered.

“Well this is boring.” Wingnut said as they sat around Collins’ room.  
“Well let’s go then!” Collins said.  
“He’s here now though, it’s past half past!” Dawson said.  
“Maybe you can go and get the cards?” Dawson asked Wingnut.  
“Yeah okay” Wingnut said and got up.  
“Oh, I think the reason they don’t want us around is because we don’t know how to salute properly yet!” he said before opening the door.  
“Along with few other things, probably yeah.” Dawson said. The brunette left the room and walked down the hall for the cards.

  
“How many boarders do you have right now?” Dowding asked Farrier.  
“Sixteen?” he said, looking at Canfield.   
“Yes, sixteen, though this year has been quieter than usual.” He confirmed.  
“And how many rooms do you have?” Dowding asked.  
“Forty, ten across each wing.” Canfield answered.  
“Oh. Seems an awful waste doesn’t it? I’m glad someone brought the state of this place to my attention, Cranwell is busting at the seams and Gatwick is almost empty!” he laughed. Farrier wasn’t sure he liked the demeanour of the Air Chief Marshal, the only two times he’d smiled were when laughing at the base’s expense. They reached the top of the staircase.  
“The corner four rooms are larger than the others.” Farrier said, the first corner wasn’t used by anyone because he and Canfield were the only people to use the corner rooms, so he unlocked and opened the door with his master key. The Air Chief Marshal stepped into the empty room and looked around.  
“This could house three or four boys on single beds, possibly up to eight on bunks.” He said. Canfield thought that was pushing it, but then again that’s how things were in war. They exited the room and locked it again.  
“We’ll go into one of the normal rooms now.” Farrier said, and unlocked a room which he knew nobody was staying in currently.  
“Suppose we could fit two in these or four on bunks, or just turn some of them into more classrooms.” Dowding said.

After a good amount of time looking in his room for them, Wingnut retrieved the cards. Then he realised he could hear voices, and was pretty sure it was from the room next to his. He peered out of his door and saw that indeed the door to the room next to his was ajar, and he could make out Canfield talking inside. Wingnut panicked and grabbed the cards, shutting his door as quietly as he could. He knew running on the wooden floor would be too noisy, so he walked as quickly as he could up the hall. He’d almost made it to the corner of the next hall when Farrier walked out and spotted him, giving him a confused look, the boy didn’t stop.

“Jesus guys, I nearly saw him!” Wingnut breathed as he got in.  
“So they’re up here?” Collins asked.  
“Yeah! They were in the room next to mine!” the brunette said.  
“Wow, it’s like a celebrity’s in here!” Dawson said.  
“I know!” said Wingnut.  
“I guess now we have to stay in here!” Collins laughed.  
“Yeah, Farrier saw me I think, he looked a bit confused.” Wingnut said.  
The boys couldn’t play cards with the knowledge that the Air Chief Marshal was so close to them, it was Collins who decided they should peep around the corner for a glimpse.  
The three tiptoed around and looked down the hall as the three men exited the room next to Wingnut’s. Collins had never seen them with their hats before, they all carried them under their arm, he supposed it really was an extremely special occasion. Farrier was at the rear as they went down the stairs single file, he checked behind them to ensure everything was in order, as he looked down the hallway he saw one brunette and two blonde heads disappear from the corner. Hs shook his head and continued down the stairs.  
“Idiot, he saw us!” Dawson shoved Collins.  
“Lucky Dowding didn’t aye?” he said back. Now that the three men were gone the boys were finally relaxed enough to play their card game.

  
“Well, these rooms are well set up actually.” Dowding said eventually after seeing the classrooms. Finally, Farrier thought, a positive comment. Dowding was then led through the change rooms out to the airstrip.  
“Why is this the only entrance to the back?” he asked.  
“Not sure, it’s always been this way, even when Gatwick was a school the locker room was the exit to the back.” Canfield answered, earning not so much as a shrug from Dowding. As they reached the runway Davis and Stevenson saluted.  
“Rest, men. How are you?” Dowding asked, shaking each of their hands in turn. After the introductions had been said they inspected each hangar and shed, even out to the little shoddy storage shed that Farrier would walk out and sit behind at night when he couldn’t sleep.   
“We might even need to build some more hangars here, definitely got room for it in this field.” The Air Chief Marshal said.   
The three boys watched out Collins’ bedroom window as the group walked around the airstrip and hangars. When they exited one such hangar Collins got his first glimpse of Dowding’s face. He looked stern, an older man, maybe Canfield’s age or a bit younger. He seemed quite uptight, but of course Collins couldn’t hear what was being said so he could have been wrong.  
“Well men, it’s 1245 hours and I think we’ve finished the tour, yes?” he asked.  
“Yes I’d say we have. We must thank you so much for coming down to see us today, Air Chief Commander.” Canfield said.  
“The pleasure is all mine, thank you for showing me the grounds. I’ll have some words to the Ministry and see what will be done, someone will get back to you soon on the matter.” Dowding replied. At that moment Farrier’s injury decided to play up again. He tried his hardest not to wince but he knew he’d visibly jolted slightly, more so at the surprise than the pain.  
“My fellow, are you alright?” Dowding asked. Farrier was very embarrassed,  
“Yes I’m quite fine, old injury playing up is all.” He said, trying to stay calm. Dowding didn’t answer for a minute, instead looking like he was thinking of something, which worried Farrier.  
“Oh! Now I know how I know you, Farrier.” Dowding said.  
“You’re one of the top aces in the country lad!” he exclaimed, and smiled the first genuine smile Farrier had seen on him all day.  
“Ah, yeah I am. Thank you, Air Chief Marshal.” Farrier said bashfully.  
“You did your country a great service. Actually an amusing story about how I know your name, some point during the war I was on the phone to one of the officers who said ‘oh, we’ve lost one of the aces’ to me, which, you somehow get used to these things so I didn’t dwell” he said to Canfield who smiled all too knowingly,  
“And then a week later, he calls again telling me that Farrier isn’t dead!” I had to put down my cup of tea after hearing that” Dowding chuckled.  
“Yeah it was pretty close they told me” Farrier said, uncomfortable at the memory brought up by the conversation, and the fact that his severe injuries were of joking matter to the Air Chief Marshal.  
“Ah don’t worry lad, you’re here now.” Dowding said, and patted Farrier’s shoulder.  
“Now I apologise, but I better get going.” He added.  
“Of course, back through the lockers.” Farrier said.   
The group walked back to the front door, and the officers saluted once more to the Air Chief Marshal before he departed. Farrier just sighed and looked at Canfield.

  
“Glad that’s over with then?” the old man asked.  
“Definitely.” Farrier responded before adding,  
“Do I have to teach more classes today?” Canfield laughed,  
“Why don’t you want to?” he asked.  
“Still hurting.” Farrier said, gesturing to his stomach,  
“Oh. I suppose it would be best then for you not to, but what shall we do with your students?” said Canfield. Farrier breathed.  
“I suppose I will, but if it gets bad I’m going upstairs to pull it out.” He said. They walked and sat in Canfield’s office over the lunch time break.  
“Why don’t you ever get the nurses to help you?” Canfield asked over a cup of tea, one which this time Farrier had no hesitation in heaping sugar into until the spoon was once again taken from him by Canfield.  
“They hurt more than when I do it. And I don’t like people making a fuss over me, they’d probably try and keep me there overnight or something stupid anyway.” He answered. The men sat in silence sipping their tea for a while.  
“Do you ever get jealous of the way people treat me because of my accomplishments in the war?” Farrier asked bluntly. He’d been pondering the question for some time but didn’t know if it would annoy Canfield.  
“No, I’m filled with pride for you, my boy. It’s excellent to see you getting such recognition!” Canfield smiled.   
Canfield was too good sometimes, Farrier couldn’t understand how someone could be so kind-hearted and selfless. He wished he were like that.   
“Really?” the brunette asked,  
“Of course.” Replied Canfield.  
“Do you care that the students think I’m a better flyer?” Canfield asked.  
“No they don’t!” Farrier laughed,  
“They do!” said Canfield with a chuckle.  
“Then yeah I do care! There’s a reason one of us is an ace!” Farrier laughed.  
“There’s also a reason one of us has a mess of shrapnel through his torso.” Canfield said, souring the mood immediately, the man watched as Farrier’s smile dropped.  
“Lack of caution is the reason. Lack of caution is the reason you’re an ace and I’m not, why you’re injured and I’m not.” Canfield said. Farrier too calmly put down his teacup. Canfield knew when Farrier was about to get angry, he acted scarily calm.  
“What did you just say?” Farrier said slowly, eyeing Canfield very carefully.  
“Come on Tom. If I’d been as reckless as you I’d be an ace as well, I had something called common sense.” He said.  
“Did you just say, that this is my fault?” Farrier gestured to his torso.  
“Oh, you know what I meant, you know you fly wildly.” Canfield brushed it off.  
“I do not fly wildly. I fly with confidence, I’m not scared of my own aircraft, I know its limits. This is not my fault Canfield.” He said, standing up. Canfield huffed.  
“You’re only okay with me being an ace because in your mind you’re still better, that’s it?” Farrier said.  
“We’re equals. How about that?” Canfield said annoyedly. Farrier didn’t answer and began to walk away. Maybe Canfield wasn’t so good after all. Farrier changed his mind, he wasn’t walking away from this.  
“I can’t believe you think this is my fault!” he said loudly turning around.  
“Well, tell me it isn’t!” Canfield raising his voice to meet.  
“It’s not! Any one of us could’ve been hit, it’s war!” Farrier yelled.  
“I’m fairly certain they’d go for the man off by himself ignoring regulation, Farrier!” Canfield was yelling now.  
“The fuck is that supposed to mean Michael?” Farrier yelled back. Canfield’s face wasn’t what he expected, the man looked confused.  
“You sound like you don’t remember what you did. Go have a rest or something Farrier.” He dismissed him, Farrier didn’t leave.  
“What did they tell you happened?” he asked Canfield in a speaking tone.  
“They said the formation broke and you went for the Baron head on, that you didn’t stick to where you were supposed to break for and just went for it. That’s the stupidest thing you could’ve done Tom.” He said, crossing his arms. Farrier had to just stop and look at Canfield to make sure he was being serious before answering,  
“Well it’s a good thing I didn’t fucking do that then, isn’t it. All these years you’ve been thinking I’d do something like that? Against someone like him? Jesus Christ.” Farrier almost laughed.  
“Why would they tell me you did that if you didn’t?” Canfield asked raising his voice Farrier was looking out the window with his arms crossed.  
“It would have looked that way if you didn’t see the whole thing.” He said very, very quietly. Canfield got up and put a hand on Farrier’s shoulder.  
“Come, your tea’s getting cold. What happened, really?” he asked. They sat together, and once again Farrier forwent the previous yelling match and sat with the man.  
“Well, we were in formation and we saw his squadron up ahead flying across our 12 to port. Then they all took the high air so we broke. I was on the port side so I went for the Baron, got some shots in as he flew across my 12 but then he did this thing I hadn’t seen done before. He kind of just threw the plane sideways, don’t know how it didn’t break the rudder or the alerions, or how it didn’t stall, but then he was facing me. He’s the one who turned to face me, and as soon as I realised he was I pulled hard starboard to try and go into a turn and get behind him, but by then it was way too late.” Farrier said. Canfield sat in silence.  
“I’m sorry Farrier. Why didn’t you say earlier?” he asked.  
“I thought surely you had the story straight, surely someone saw it, guess not.” Farrier said and finished his lukewarm tea.  
“He must’ve done something to the plane, they couldn’t turn that sharply.” Canfield said in thought.  
“Probably, nothing wrong with altering your plane I guess” Farrier replied absently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! If anyone’s curious what the Air Chief Marshal looks like, Google him! It was interesting for me to put a real person into my story, I’ve no idea what he was really like but from his appearance I gathered this.  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone’s looking for some dunkirk content.  
> Until next chapter ❤️


	34. Going up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thought I’d upload a second chapter for the week! Happy reading ❤️

“Think he’s gone yet?” Wingnut asked,  
“I guess” Collins replied. The boys walked downstairs and into the kitchen. They’d stocked it with an assortment of lunch food to the boys’ delight, but Collins decided to eat the hardboiled sweets instead of something decent.

Farrier didn’t know if he could be bothered taking the bandage off his stomach and getting to the shrapnel after all that. It’d come out by itself in time, he was just never patient enough. As he sat in Canfield’s office he untucked his shirt just to make sure there wasn’t any blood leaking through. To his relief there wasn’t, then it had probably clotted for now. He tucked his shirt back in as Canfield read the paper.  
“We’re going to war, you know.” Canfield said, well aware of the inevitability, well aware of Farrier’s refusal to accept it.  
“Maybe not. Maybe it’ll stay in Europe.” He said,  
“Chamberlain doesn’t seem to want anything to do with Europe anyway” he added.  
“I suppose you’re right about that” Canfield said and continued to read, knowing the conversation was fruitless.  
“Chess?” he asked after a while.  
“Not today, maybe some other time Canfield.” Farrier said, and got up to leave.  
“Oh Farrier?” the old man called after him.  
“How do you think we did today?” he asked.  
“Ah, I think we did alright” Farrier smiled, he still disliked that the Air Chief Marshal knew who he was, but there was nothing he could do about it. As he walked down the hall he peered into the kitchen from which he could hear cheerful talk and laughter. He spotted Collins and his two friends seated around the small table making use of the restocked supplies. Upon looking closer he noted how utterly nutritious Collins’ lunch was, a large pile of lollies. Chuckling, he continued down the hall and up the stairs to his room.  
Collins had gotten mildly full off sweets, and was somewhat disgusted by the fact. But they tasted good, so he decided it didn’t matter. He remembered they hadn’t gone on the run on Monday, and that nobody had brought it up. He wondered if they’d go to the gym tomorrow night, part of Collins hoped not, it he’d rather be tucked in bed reading or drawing, but he knew it was best to keep healthy.  
Afternoon classes were easy, Canfield had some sheets of airplanes and they had to learn which was which, and be able to tell from silhouette only. He used them as flashcards and would only show each for a few seconds before hiding it and asking which plane everyone thought it was.

  
Farrier was having a smoke out his window. He still needed to fix that pothole in the runway. He was in some sort of fidgety mood, and wasn’t sure why until he looked into the hangar that held the two fighter trainers. He missed the air, more than usual at this moment. To be up there freely without worrying about students. He supposed he’d get that in war. But then Farrier thought, he wouldn’t mind teaching Collins to fly. Now, that would be far from a chore. He’d teach Collins for hours on end to be the best pilot he could be. Something akin to protectiveness welled up inside Farrier as he imagined Collins flying during wartime, he’d have to be assigned to the same squadron, Farrier wouldn’t let it happen any other way. He’d fight to have Collins in the same flight of three as him, and the more he thought about it the less crazy it sounded, considering they were always two experienced pilots and one relative novice. Farrier thought back to when he’d fly in formation in the war, which got him thinking back to his years before the war, school even. The prestigious boys school he’d been sent to against his will after his mother’s passing, somehow supposed to make it easier to keep going with a new school, unbeknownst to his father just how much of a hinderance a boys school would be. His father didn’t knew he was homosexual, forced it out of him when he wasn’t coming home with girls on his arms. He remembered beginning to realise how to pick others out at school, the nervous looks, the way they acted. Every gay man Farrier had met had a mask. They had to hide themselves so completely behind it, and Farrier knew he had one too, he simply acted like when he was flying, but all the time. So many times he’d been called cold, boring, stressed. You had to be that way in the air, no banter between pilots, or professional ones at least, some of the young boys probably laughed about. It was easy for him to use that as a façade to hide behind on the ground too. He wished he could show his normal side sometimes, but it was just too risky, he couldn’t get comfortable around people like that, what if a word slipped? What if he looked at someone the wrong way? It would be the end of him. So Farrier hid his mischief and charm for the most part behind a wall. Though Collins had been slowly chipping away at it. Sometimes Farrier wished things could be as easy as school nowadays, he supposed he was still at school, but this time as a teacher rather than student. He was picked on at school sometimes, for being too good, at everything really. Not that he cared, Farrier tended away from people anyway, probably why he ended up being in fighters by himself rather than bombers in a team, he chuckled at the thought. A particular thought played through his mind, it was always fun when at the end of the day the teacher couldn’t think of anything else to do, the class would just go out and do a PE lesson. He wished it were that simple now. Then Farrier had an idea, rather a stupid one but nonetheless he put out his cigarette and walked downstairs to see Canfield. He knew he was teaching but he couldn’t shake the thought, maybe it was still that simple. And both God and Canfield alike knew Farrier would do almost anything to get in the air whenever possible.

  
Collins was pleasantly surprised to see Farrier appear in the doorway halfway through Canfield’s long-winded explanation of the different kinds of flying goggles that he’d worn and which he preferred, another story that had begun because everyone had gotten fairly confident at knowing the aircraft on the cards and decided to go off-track. As more and more students noticed the man in the door they began sniggering at Canfield’s lack of notice. Farrier leaned on the doorframe with a smirk, Canfield still hadn’t seen him and was continuing the story.  
“And those pesky folding ones! Folded in half so they’d fit in your pocket, well what a waste of energy that was!” he laughed, and then finally spotted Farrier.  
“I thought those were quite useful, myself” he smiled. Canfield chuckled as he noticed the man.  
“Do you have a moment?” asked Farrier, Canfield looked confused but walked out into the hallway with him away from the listening ears of his class.  
“Are you alright, chap?” he asked, now obviously concerned this was about Farrier’s shrapnel.  
“Yes I’m fine. Look, I’ve had an idea for the afternoon. Let’s take them up in the planes, just for a short while. Just so they can get a feel for it!” he said eagerly. Canfield laughed.  
“They don’t even know how to put their kits on, Farrier.  
“Yes they should, if their civil training taught them anything. Come on, it’s only 1500 hours. Your lesson is finished. Surely they’ll want to stick around for a couple of hours for some fun.” He said.  
“Where has this sudden urge come from?” Canfield laughed.  
“I dunno, I can just imagine how boring it is being in here while others are out there, we didn’t have to do this.” Farrier said. Canfield was actually considering. He huffed.  
“Only in the fighters, no bombers, no groups. One officer with one student, less stress.” Canfield eventually said with a small smile.  
Farrier began to beam.  
“And they must have full kit on first!” he added.   
“I knew you’d come ‘round!” Farrier laughed and patted his shoulder.  
“Go tell them, they’ll be running outside in no time.” Farrier said. The two men walked back into a very confused looking class.

  
“Well class, your favourite teacher has had an idea.” Canfield said, earning some argument from the class as not to hurt Canfield’s feelings, in reality the men liked both of them for different reasons. Canfield’s teaching methods were pretty static, he’d have the structured lesson plan set out and then if there was time he’d always tell stories or riddles, which Collins loved. Farrier was more dynamic, sometimes he just couldn’t be bothered teaching, much to the delight of the students, so they’d sit around chatting. Sometimes he was in a stricter mood so the lesson would be structured, or he wouldn’t banter, but he was generally the lessons were more casual, though he always finished on time, never early. He was seen differently now than when they’d first begun. He’d really come out of his shell with the group Collins pondered, and it wasn’t the first time he’d thought about it either, everyone joked about with Farrier now and the blonde was beginning to see a different side of him, something past the stony front he put on. Though Farrier never let anyone see too far past that, only a peak here and there.   
“Ah I don’t think they have a favourite” Farrier laughed.  
“Let’s not make them choose on the spot, it’ll skew their answer!” the old man chuckled.  
“Anyway, who wants to go flying today?” Canfield asked. The class collectively shrieked in joy. The two men rounded the boys into the locker rooms and they both went into the storage room connected to them.

  
“Cannae believe they sprung it on us!” Collins laughed.  
‘I think Farrier sprung it on Canfield!” Dawson laughed. The men emerged with flying kits.  
“Now, who doesn’t know how to put on one of these?” Farrier asked. Nobody put their hand up.  
“Okay, well there’s only a few in here, we’ve got to go get them from the hangars so follow me. We’ll check you all before you go up to make sure they’re on properly though.” He said. They dumped about five flying kits on the benches and Anderson’s group pushed to get three of them first. Then everyone followed Farrier outside to the hangars. Collins could barely contain his excitement, and looking around neither could anyone else. He looked to the front to see Farrier laughing along with Canfield. They reached the shed, inside which were boxes of flying kits, everyone grabbed one and got it on.   
“Now men, once you get your wings you’ll get your own kit, these are training ones.” Canfield said above the noise of everyone scrambling and chatting.  
“You think it matters they’re not in flying boots and most of them aren’t wearing their blazer?” Farrier asked.  
“Well, I suppose not. Your idea so you’re responsible anyway.” Canfield replied, earning a laugh from the younger man.  
“These are different to what I had in Scotland, can yae lads help?” Collins asked.  
“How are they different? We had these exact ones” Wingnut replied, Dawson nodded in agreement.  
“Well, the straps aren’t the same. Ours you had to tie together with buckles too, this round buckle thing, they all go into that?” he asked, looking at the heavy piece of metal at the front.  
“Yeah.” Dawson said.  
“And what, you sit on the parachute?” Collins laughed.  
“What on earth were you doing up there mate?” Asked Wingnut.  
“Our parachutes were like backpacks, they just sat behind us” he answered.  
“Jeez you had some old gear up there. Nah, it’s like a cushion.” The brunette answered.  
“How do yae get out of the kit?” he asked Dawson.  
“Press the buckle.” He answered, trying to conceal a small laugh. Collins tried, it didn’t work. He pushed it harder with both hands and then it worked, releasing the four straps it held.  
“Got it.” He laughed nervously.  
“Just take one of the maggies up?” Farrier asked.  
“Yes, I think so.” Canfield replied.  
Farrier could see Collins wasn’t sure about the kit, but didn’t question it.  
“Should have gotten my jacket!” Farrier laughed to Canfield.  
“Oh, speaking of! Irvin is releasing a new one soon, I hear.” He said.  
“I like mine, I don’t need another.” Replied Farrier,  
“I didn’t expect you’d say anything else.” Canfield laughed. Eventually everyone seemed to be ready to go.  
“Right. You wanna be first?” Farrier asked Canfield.  
“After all this you don’t want to be?” he laughed.  
“Of course I do, but I was being nice.” Farrier smiled.  
“Ah, being nice. Well no, you can be first.” Canfield chuckled and patted his shoulder. Farrier then addressed the group.  
“Who’s coming up with me first?” he asked. There was a lot of pushing and shoving and Farrier just turned with a grin to Canfield, who shrugged like it wasn’t his problem.  
“Alright, get in a line or something!” Farrier laughed.  
They tried to, but everyone was so pushy. Collins didn’t feel like being pushy, he just stood there waiting for everyone to organise themselves, he wished they’d hurry up though.  
“Okay, alphabetical it is. Anderson.” Farrier said eventually, also sick of the boys’ inability to let someone go first without quarrel. With a few shouts of encouragement from his friends Anderson walked to one of the little yellow planes with Farrier. Some selfish part of Collins protested the sight but he tried his best to swallow it.  
“So Anderson you’re going to be in the front seat and myself behind, my controls override yours but not vice versa. Understood?” Farrier asked as he climbed into the open cockpit, the only protection, a small windshield before each of the seats.  
“Yeah, got it.” The boy said. They slipped on the flying helmets and goggles.  
“Now, you used radio systems in your civil training?” Farrier confirmed.  
“Yeah a little bit” the boy replied.  
“Just keep the mask on and you’ll be talking to the radio” said Farrier.  
“Now the men out on the airstrip will be directing the plane and helping you to taxi out, but I’m going to help over the radio as well because I don’t know how much actual taxiing you’ve done, yes?” he asked.  
“Yep.” Anderson said, he’d seemed to have lost a lot of his smugness upon getting in, Farrier was grateful for.  
“Why aren’t they going?” asked Johnson to Canfield.  
“He’s showing him the controls and how to check the levels, they don’t teach you that in civil training.” The old man replied.

  
Eventually the plane rumbled and started up. There were a few cheers from the group at the event. One of the officers took the chocks away and the plane began to steadily move forward out of the hangar. The group moved with it, it was mesmerising, the closest Collins had been to a moving plane in so many months, and it was going to be him soon enough. It reached the runway and the rest of the class sat down on the grass surrounding.  
It began to move faster down the airstrip, faster and faster until, the wheels left the earth. Collins felt a rush through him as he watched it, flying was somehow other-worldly, even just watching. It flew gracefully around, dipping in and out of sight in the distance, and the blonde didn’t take his eyes off it once. The yellow paint turned gold in the late sun as the plane returned. Collins checked his watch, it had been flying for all of ten minutes. He supposed that was all anyone would get today, but it was more than enough. It bounced onto the runway, then the wheels lifted again, but the second time they stuck and the plane completed the run, taxiing to the side. Anderson jumped out and Farrier followed suit, both leaving the flying helmets on the seats. Canfield began towards the plane with Charles next, and it was then that Collins realised he’d lucked out and would fly with Farrier. He smiled to himself at the thought and continued to watch the next flight. It was a little more seemingly random than the last, and of course Collins didn’t know if that was due to Canfield or Charles, but he had to admit the landing was better.

Then it was his turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! As always your comments and kudos mean the world to me, thank you ❤️   
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat.  
> Until next chapter!


	35. First Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, uploading a day early because I’ll be missing Monday this week (damn that international dateline). Hope everyone enjoys this one ❤️

“Afternoon” Collins smiled to Farrier.  
“Yes, good afternoon Collins. Ready?” Farrier smiled back as they walked towards the plane.  
“I’ve been ready for months.” Collins replied. They got in, Collins in the front. Even sitting in a plane felt so good.  
“So Collins, if you look at the dials in front of you, I’ll tell you what to do.” Farrier said over the radio into the headphones of the helmet. Collins looked at the dashboard,  
“So at the bottom you should see a little brass button. Push it a few times, that’s pumping the fuel, just makes sure the fuel’s ready.” Farrier’s voice sounded crackly in Collins ears, but it was surprisingly intimate hearing it in the headset. The blonde pumped the button a few times.  
“Yae?” Collins said upon completion.  
“Good, now set the little lever that’s called ‘fuel mix’ to forward.” He said. Collins felt his stomach getting light at the voice, but he swallowed the feeling as best he could. Farrier had him do a few more things, flick some switches, turn some knobs,  
“Now, hold down the two buttons on the starboard side of the interior, called ‘starter’ and ‘boost’.” The man instructed.  
“Okay” Collins said.  
“Now, let go of ‘starter’ but keep holding boost until the engine turns on.” Farrier said. Collins did as he was told and after a few seconds the plane roared to life, and suddenly Collins remembered every little thing he knew about flying. It was loud in the cockpit, not that Collins cared a bit. He was so ready to fly.  
“Now, I trust you know how to increase throttle safely?” asked Farrier through the radio.  
“Yep.” Collins replied,  
“Then off we go” the man said, Collins could hear the smile. They taxied out until they were straight on the runway, Farrier stayed quiet to observe. Collins pushed the throttle lever forwards to 75% as he’d been taught, and the plane gained speed. When the tail began to lift the blonde gently eased back on the joystick so the plane didn’t nose over. one hand on the throttle and the other on the joystick Collins pushed the throttle up to 80%, and the aircraft left the earth. You could always tell the second it did, it was unmistakeable. The rumble of the ground beneath the wheels stopped, and there was the familiar feeling of gravity pushing you down into your seat as the plane began its vertical ascent. Collins didn’t smile as he imagined he would, instead he was overcome by a feeling of complete peace, everything was right, now. He flew up over the fields that he’d never explored, never even walked to, past the runway. Still the grounds of the base, but unknown to him, and certainly now he had the best view of them. He let out a small hum, forgetting he was hooked up to a radio.  
“That was a very smooth take-off, well done Collins” Farrier said, with surprise in his voice.  
“Thanks” the blonde replied, somewhat preoccupied with the scenery beneath them. It was windy up here with an open cockpit, but nothing was going to dishearten Collins now, his mood was golden. He put his right foot down on the pedal and lifted his left, and pulled the joystick to the right too. The plane began to swoop gracefully to starboard, they flew over the hangars and out above the town of Gatwick.  
“Continue this turn a bit more, or you’ll reach our air boundary.” Farrier said, so Collins continued until they flew over the main building of the base, now flying the opposite direction to which they took off in. The plane’s wings glistened in the afternoon light, and Collins never wanted this to end. Never mind the incessant wind in his hair or the vibrating of the rattly seat. It was perfect. They flew over the little buildings and Collins could see the city of London in the distance.   
“Can she glide?” he asked.  
“Too heavy. You can’t glide can you?” Farrier responded.  
“Can, actually” Collins bit back a chuckle. There was an impressed _hmph_ on the radio. Collins’ civil training base had, as well as several regular training planes, some old glider thing with hugs canvas sails. He didn’t even know how old it was, he guessed the late 1800s, barely looked like a plane. but it flew, and it glided through the air easily, floated almost. The two flew for some time, peacefully over Gatwick.  
“Right Collins, take us home.” came the husky voice in his ears. Home. That’s right, it was their home. Their home. Collins came to the realisation that in some sort of roundabout way they did live together, and it was special. The tingles in his stomach returned and could be easily felt above all the jolts from the plane’s power. He did another sweeping turn and returned to base. The plane flew over the runway once more and turned around to face it. Collins lowered the throttle and pushed the nose down slightly until the plane was significantly lower, coming in so it was as horizontal as he could make the approach. The wheels touched the ground and the plane jolted at the sudden friction. Collins taxied and finally it came to an end. He couldn’t believe it was only ten minutes.  
The two men climbed out, leaving the headsets on the seats for the next users.  
“Excellent take-off and landing, you proved your civil certificate right.” Farrier smiled.  
“Thank you.” Collins said, but it was so earnest, it was obvious he meant to thank Farrier for the flight in its entirety. Farrier just looked away and smiled forwards. He was so good at it, acting this way when others were around, Collins somewhat wished he could do that too.

  
It was when he saw his friends that Collins finally got a grin on his face.  
“Here he is! Good flyin’ mate!” Dawson said and shook Collins by the shoulders.  
“Yeah, so much better than the other two” Wingnut laughed.  
“Really?” Collins wasn’t sure how much of this was hyperbole.   
“No seriously, they were so shaky, you could see it in their turns. And they didn’t take off and land as well as you either!” Dawson explained.  
“Whatever they taught you up there in the highlands, it bloody well worked Collins!” Wingnut added. They all sat down on the grass to watch the next flyer. Farrier walked over and sat next to Collins, which surprised all three boys.  
“Excited for your turns, boys?” he asked Dawson and Wingnut.  
“Yep!” Wingnut answered,  
“Sure am, been too long” Dawson said.  
“Gee whiz though, Collins was good ey?” Wingnut said excitedly.  
“Yes, almost concerningly so” Farrier laughed.

Dawson’s turn was one student after Collins’, and it was good. Collins watched as he flew and even though he didn’t know what his flight looked like, he was fairly certain Dawson’s was better.  
They all sat on the grass, Farrier periodically getting up and flying his turn with another student, sometimes going back and sitting with other groups, but he kept coming back to sit with Collins and friends when he deemed it inconspicuous enough.

Wingnut went up with Canfield, he was heavier handed than Collins thought he should have been, but didn’t say anything negative to him upon arrival back on the grass.  
Finally, all the students had done a short flight and the sun was going down.  
“Well class, I take you all enjoyed that?” Canfield asked the group, it was met with a chorus of agreement.  
“Canfield, I need someone to help get the plane back in!” Farrier called from next to the magister.   
“Oh, I’ll help you.” The old man said.  
“Nah don’t you worry, one of them can be useful!” Farrier smiled.  
“Alright, someone go and help Farrier get the plane back into the hangar.” Canfield said. Nobody moved and Anderson had already walked off inside with his two friends.  
“Come on lads, two people are needed to push a plane back, you’ll have to do it sometime!” Canfield said. Collins wanted to, but he knew he shouldn’t. He’d never hear the end of it from his friends either.  
The decision was made for him when Wingnut elbowed him hard in the gut.  
“Go on then, be helpful!” he said loudly.  
“You know what? Fine” Collins laughed, his stomach still somewhat hurting. Timson wasn’t one for subtlety or elegant interactions.  
“See you two soon then” he said as he walked off towards Farrier.

  
“Thanks for volunteering.” Farrier chuckled as Collins arrived at the side of the plane, the rest of the group almost inside already.  
“Welcome” he replied sarcastically.  
“Just need a bit of help pushing her back into the shed, then you can go” Farrier smiled, and the men began to push, one behind each wing. It was heavy, but not completely impossible. By the time they got to the hangar Collins was quite glad it was over.  
“Ah, not too bad?” Farrier said.  
“Could say that” the blonde chuckled. Farrier walked over to him,  
“You did really well, Collins.” The man said much more quietly.  
“Thanks” Collins replied, feeling heat rise in his cheeks. The sun was almost setting, it had been setting earlier lately, a sure sign the worst of the heat was over for the year.   
“Just need to put the chocks back” said Farrier as he looked around for them. The hangar door was open and it was letting in the orange light of the evening. Collins pulled himself out of his dazed state of simply watching Farrier and looked for the chocks too. It was Collins that eventually found them near the wall discarded on the ground.  
“Here” he said, holding them.  
“Oh, thanks Collins” said Farrier, taking them.   
The men finished with the plane and headed for the exit of the hangar.  
“Thanks for taking us up today Farrier. I know yae dinnae plan it, but thank you.” Collins said, stopping the man before he went outside.  
“Ah, it’s no problem. I’d hate being in your situation, and I was, well, bored.” he chuckled. The two began to walk out of the hangar together, Farrier didn’t mean to at all, it just happened subconsciously, he brushed the small of Collins’ back gently with his hand to guide the boy in front of him. The blonde visibly stiffened and turned to him with a blush, Farrier didn’t meet his eyes. Past the embarrassment of his actions Farrier was amused, for all the forwardness that was Collins and his questionably innocent flirtations, if Farrier so much as touched him that was all gone and replaced with someone much shyer, quieter. It was sweet, the man thought to himself. This thing they had, unspoken, and it always would be. But they knew, both of them knew. If only Collins would stop pushing it to be something more, but then again, Farrier didn’t know if he really didn’t want that after all. Was there a way to have something, and hide it? Keep it a secret?   
He tried to banish the thoughts as he hauled the shed door closed behind them.

  
Collins and the boys couldn’t stop talking about their short flights at dinner.  
“Canfield said I did good turns!” Wingnut said with a mouthful of broccoli.   
“Yeah Farrier said that to me too” Dawson replied.  
“Didnae mention my turns” Collins laughed.  
“But, said my take-off and landing were great” he added.  
“Could see London from where I went.” Collins said after a while of silence save for the sounds of eating and chatter around them.  
“Oh cool! I probably could’ve but I couldn’t look for it, too busy staring at the controls.” Wingnut laughed.  
“Didn’t your hands move when you looked away from the joystick?” the brunette asked Collins.  
“Nae, just take note not to move them and the’ll stay where they should. Try it next time.” He said with a smile.

“They were actually quite good today.” Canfield told the table of officers after explaining the last minute decision to fly.  
“At least the ones that I flew with were” he chuckled and added.  
“Yes, mine were very good too, hopefully lots will make it to become pilots” Farrier said.  
“Dawson and Collins were the best of my lot, especially Dawson. He’s a real smooth flyer.” Farrier said,  
“I couldn’t tell you who was best of mine, none stood out at least!” Canfield replied.  
After dinner, Canfield asked for a game of chess and Farrier felt too guilty to say no. they sat in the Wing Commander’s room and played at his small coffee table. Farrier took on board what he’d been told to move his pieces around more and not be so guarded, and it made a noticeable difference.  
“How’s everything?” Canfield asked.  
“Everything?” Farrier clarified.  
“Yes, everything.” The old man replied.  
“Uh, well, shrapnel stopped bleeding, I think, hasn’t hurt for a while. Gonna check when the band-aid comes off I suppose. Spoke with Miller at dinner, had a bit of a chat about my first crash to help him feel better about his. He’s still a bit nervous about what happened I think, but he’ll get over it. Nothing else to report, I don’t think.” Farrier answered, more concerned with the game at hand than idle chitchat.  
“Collins?” Canfield asked. Farrier could almost not be bothered answering.  
“He’s well?” was all he said.  
“Still fancy him then.” Canfield murmured as he put Farrier in check on the board.  
“Sort of.” Farrier answered as he moved himself out of danger, not willing to answer any more truthfully than that, in truth he fancied the lad more than ever. They continued to play with a more tense air between them.  
“Been seeing more men in the streets lately. Soldiers.” Farrier said after a long while.  
“Indeed. The country is gearing up for war, that’s for sure” Canfield replied.  
“The warplanes will be here soon. I got a call this afternoon from the ministry. We are to expect them within a few months.” The old man said. Farrier got a worried feeling in his stomach and leaned back from the chess board to contemplate.  
“Tom, there’s nothing you can do. Sometimes war is actually what a country needs.” Canfield urged.  
“There’s no use pretending it won’t happen, Farrier.” He added.  
The man ran a hand through his short brown hair.  
“I know, I just don’t want it to.” He said, aware that wasn’t a very useful answer.  
They played some more, and Farrier began to feel like he might be in the lead.  
“How many Hurricanes?” he asked out of the blue, alerting Canfield to the fact that his mind hadn’t strayed from the topic in the twenty or so minutes they’d been silent.  
“Twelve.” He answered. Farrier pondered the number, a good number.   
“So enough for a squadron.” he thought aloud.  
“Yes, I’d hoped for more but one will do.” Canfield said. Farrier disagreed, but didn’t voice his opinion.  
Farrier ended up winning chess, somehow Canfield had overlooked the game, probably lost in thought. Whatever it was Farrier didn’t think he could have won if Canfield was paying full attention.  
“I’ll head to bed” he said getting up.  
“Good night Tom. Don’t pull that band-aid off before it’s ready!” Canfield called after him.

Instead of heading to bed, Farrier walked past his room and down the hall. He went outside and out to the last shed, to his thinking spot.  
And indeed there was a lot to think about. Farrier knew at the bottom of his heart the country would go to war. But he wasn’t ready to accept it, less so now than perhaps he would have been in some alternate universe in which there was no Collins, but Farrier didn’t want to know about that universe. He then began to wonder, how he’d touched him today. How Collins had tried to kiss him after getting back from the holidays. Would they be able to keep up the act? Now that was a big question, and one Farrier didn’t have time to answer as the skies opened up above him, drenching him in seconds.

  
Collins lay in bed in his striped blue and white pyjamas, still feeling the plane’s vibrations in his body from the short flight. It was raining, quite heavily as well, he got up and stood at the window, it was too dark to see anything until a clap of lightning lit up the sky. It didn’t scare Collins, he saw it as a thing of beauty, he’d always been fascinated by anything to do with nature. He stood watching the coming storm for quite some time, until he heard heavy footsteps in the hallway and checked his watch. It was 2330 hours, he said to himself to drum the twenty-four hour time into his head. He ducked out into the hall and nobody was there, but there were wet footprints on the wooden floor leading into the room next to his. Collins smiled and wondered whether he should wait for Farrier tonight. They did most nights now, but sometimes he felt like he was impeding. Collins didn’t have the chance to decide because the man in question walked back out of the room, in his sky blue pyjamas now, with wet hair.  
“Evening” he said quietly.  
“Evenin’ yourself” Collins smiled back.  
“Shall we?” Farrier gestured to the windows opposite them, to which Collins walked to and leant on the sill as usual.  
“Thanks again for taking us flying” he said.  
“It’s nothing really, you were going up at the end of the week anyway” Farrier smiled at the floor, noticing Collins’ bright green and orange spotted socks and wondering what possessed the boy to choose those.  
“Oh” Collins said with surprise, hearing this news.  
“Thought we’d never get up there” he added, the older man chuckled.  
“Got caught out?” Collins asked.  
“Yeah, unfortunately.” Farrier replied, running a hand through wet hair, Collins wished it was his hand.  
“What were yae doin’ outside?” he asked.  
“Ah nothing really. Just checking the sheds and that.” Farrier lied. He wasn’t ready to give up his secret spot, and he thought Collins would pry.  
“Ah yeah” Collins said, not convinced.   
“S’pose you like this weather, then” Farrier said.  
“Yeah, never liked summer” Collins answered. They stood in silence for a while, Collins could smell Farrier’s wet hair and needed more. Boldly, even for him, he moved closer to the man until their arms nearly touched as they both rested on the windowsill. Farrier smiled out the window and took a deep breath in.  
“Collins…” he tutted. The blonde hummed in response.  
“We can’t keep doing this.” Said Farrier.  
“We’re not doin’ anything” Collins replied with a smirk. With both of them leaning on their forearms on the windowsill they were the same height.   
Farrier didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to stop doing whatever ‘this’ was, but it was going to get too far one day, he could tell. Then it wouldn’t be something they could hide.  
“And you donnae want to stop, I know that.” Collins murmured close to Farrier’s ear, it took every ounce of his will not to melt at the blonde’s surprisingly deep voice. He turned his head slightly and looked Collins in the eyes. They weren’t looking as innocent as usual now.  
“Collins, no.” was all he could manage and he straightened his back to put distance between them. Collins didn’t appear fazed, he still held some kind of hopeful look.  
“Can’t run from this forever, Farrier.” He said as he stood to his full height.  
“Have to Collins. There’s no other way.” He replied. The blonde huffed and went back into his bedroom.  
“Night” he called behind him,  
“Night Collins.” Farrier sighed, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  
That night Farrier’s bandage came off, and there was, as suspected, a piece of shrapnel. Stuck to his stomach with dry blood but at least this time completely dislodged by itself. Smaller than the last time, Farrier hoped that after this it would be a while before he’d have to deal with any shrapnel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that’s it for this chapter, I had heaps of fun writing this one. As always your comments and kudos are so appreciated, thank you.  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat!  
> Until next chapter ❤️


	36. Seeking advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the early hours of Tuesday, I missed upload Monday (I'm sorry, I got carried away watching the winter soldier lmao)  
> Hope this is enough to tide everyone over for the week.  
> This is my first upload since getting back to Australia, and while traveling for 3 months was amazing, I'm glad to be home.  
> Happy reading!

It was almost September and with regular flying now, Farrier and Canfield had really begun to shape the young men into respectable pilots. They were confidently marching and saluting, following orders, and everyone was wearing uniform correctly, no illegal haircuts, no bad behaviour going on. It didn’t seem like any of the craziness Air Chief Marshal Dowding had spoken of was happening, there was talk of more officers and maybe more men, warplanes arriving soon, but Canfield and Farrier realised that Dowding was, in fact, not in charge of what happened to Gatwick and seemingly was trying to make Gatwick sound bad by suggesting all these improvements it needed. It made Farrier happy that he wasn’t going to get what he wanted. The regular flying was good, for everyone. Collins didn’t realise what an effect flying regularly would have on him, but it took over his thoughts, even in the mere week they’d been going up every day he could feel the difference. His sketches were now of planes, of sights he’d seen while flying, no longer memories and scenes from on the ground. His head turned up to the heavens whenever he heard a plane nowadays, and now with actual confidence that he could recognise what it was. Canfield liked quotes, he’d once said, “ _For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return._ _”._ Canfield said the words were from Leonardo Da Vinci _,_ and though Collins hadn’t heard the quote before, it was one of the truest things he’d been told in his life. 

Farrier seemed to be perking up too, not that Collins wasn’t already beginning to see his soft side, but with the rest of the lads he was different now. Joking around and genuinely wanting to get to know more of them. He’d gone from the strict and stressful teacher to the fun one. Collins didn’t know if Farrier always started off tense and got more relaxed with each group he taught or if it was only this group he was relaxing around.

It was after a particularly long game of cards that Collins retired to his bedroom for the night. He lay on his bed, the vibrations of the plane earlier today still humming in his body. Being the end of August, the weather was cooling down definitively now, thank god. The blonde lay there, thinking about everything and nothing, mainly nothing. Until he heard Farrier’s door open, and with that sound his head cleared and instinctually he got up and went to exit his room. To Collins’ surprise Farrier wasn’t waiting in the hall for a chat, but was almost at the stairs. Collins didn’t call out, though this was the third or fourth time this month the man had gone somewhere at night. Collins imagined he might be overthinking slightly, there were a dozen things he could be doing, going to his office, going to the bathrooms, none of it was Collins’ business but still he found himself closer and closer to asking where he was going.

Farrier was going to his spot behind the hangars. He knew Collins had seen him leave, but didn’t really mind unless the blonde followed him, which he didn’t. 

He arrived and hoped it didn’t rain like last time. He’d been in his room, fidgeting and he couldn’t sit still. It was mainly the war and his time in it that was on his mind. It was Friday, Canfield had actually asked if he wanted to go out for a drink, and for once Farrier declined. He wasn’t in a mood to be about with Canfield, he mostly just wanted to be alone right now. He sat in the grass and listened to the wind as it blew over the fields. He sat thinking about war. Maybe it  _was_ a good thing. That was the first time that thought had crossed his mind and he hadn’t rejected it. The man sat pulling out clumps of grass, his visits so often now that the grass hadn’t grown back completely from last time. Farrier had, over the past few weeks begun to realise he hadn’t done anything wrong in the war, it was  _war_  after all. Not everyone got to fight the whole thing, and that he was lucky, some would say. Maybe he’d fight the whole time in this one, if it came. But then again, sacrificing oneself for one’s country, and freedom of that country shouldn’t be a bad thing, should it? Because that’s what he’d done in the war essentially, he realised. The brunette considered, would he ever do it willingly? And the answer scared him.  _He would._  Canfield had always said Farrier was too selfless, he was too good. Not that the man felt that was accurate at all usually, he realised that if he was even considering self-sacrifice then maybe it did have some truth. Even if it meant not seeing Collins every day, he’d do it if it meant the blonde could life a safe life. That damned boy that couldn’t stop staring, flirting even, that outrageous Scot that had waltzed into the halls of Gatwick that day, and who Farrier knew he’d not be forgetting, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget Collins. Nothing was allowed to happen between them, yet even so Farrier could imagine himself, old and grey, thinking about the lanky blonde who couldn’t keep those big blue eyes off him. The nerve of Collins was so striking, unlike anything he’d ever before, and Farrier couldn’t get enough. That’s why he’d lay himself down. For Collins. Farrier decided, if he could make the world a better place for Collins to live in, safer maybe, then it was worth it. Collins had to be safe, happy and healthy. The brunette knew this was dangerous. You weren’t meant to think this way, it was detrimental for obvious reasons. But Farrier knew his thoughts would never change. Then why, he asked himself, was he still bothering trying to stop what Collins was trying to start? The man sighed to himself and stopped playing with the grass on account of his fingers getting too cold. It was always a strange topic, Collins. Even by himself out here behind the shed, the thoughts felt wrong, felt like he might be found out simply by  _thinking_  about Collins. but the thoughts till didn’t go away. On the one hand, maybe it  _could_ work, he thought daringly. Maybe they could have something, something secret and entirely their own. But on the other, it could never happen, not in the craziest of worlds, not in peacetime, not in wartime would it ever be conceivable to happen. Farrier winced as he got up and his knees ached, he walked back inside with some sort of resolve to spend the rest of the evening doing something other than idly thinking about the blonde. He managed to slip into his room without the blonde waiting in the hall, which while he was disappointed, knew it was probably good. Farrier checked his clock, thankful he at least had that while his watch was still lost, it was almost 23:00. It was too early for him to be able to sleep so he reached for the mostly empty bottle of over proofed alcohol still sitting in his bedside drawer. But when he picked it up, for some reason or another the man didn’t want to drink it. He hadn’t had a drink since before the holidays, maybe because of how out of hand it had gotten last time, maybe not. Whatever the reason, Farrier put the bottle back. But he was still restless. 

Collins had the sketchbook out once again, but the page was blank. He couldn’t concentrate or think of anything meaningful to draw. In the book so far he’d drawn all the planes in the hangars, some that Gatwick didn’t even have. He’d drawn the fields surrounding his home, some objects scattered around the base, views from the sky, and nothing else had come to mind tonight. Maybe it wasn’t a drawing night, he thought. But then what kind of night was it? It was one of those nights on which he didn’t want to do anything, Collins decided. He opened the window and let the cold air in, hoping it would refresh him.

Farrier considered himself someone who made good decisions, so when he walked out of base to his car with the intention to visit James at the underground brothel, he knew it was the right thing. He wasn’t going to get laid this time, that’s why it was a good idea. He needed advice, and Canfield would never understand, as much as he understood Tom for what he was, he couldn’t talk to him about it without it turning into a lecture, or just a really awkward time. Usually both. As he drove it began to rain lightly. Finally he arrived at the decrepit bar and found his way downstairs. As usual there was a haze of James’ smoke to squint through to the desk.

“Tommy!” the scrawny man called.

“Hi, James.” Farrier smiled and leaned a strong arm on the counter.

“Didn’t expect you back for a while, how’s things?” the man asked.

“Yeah, alright, s’pose. Can’t complain. How’s everyone here?” Farrier asked.

“They’re well, I’m well, you know Leo actually asked if you’d be back!” James laughed but began to splutter on his smoke.

“Did he now” Farrier said absently.

“I can go tell him if you like, I know you got on well last time, god knows why.” James said.

“Uh, no thanks. Look James I’m not actually here for sex tonight. I was wondering if I could just talk to you?” Farrier said, trying his best to see through the dim light and smoke from James’ cigar.

“Oh?” said the man, putting the smoke out.

“Well, yes of course darling.” He said, stepping out from behind the counter and putting a hand on the small of Farrier’s back, not taking it away when the man stiffened at the touch. That was James, clingy and a bit odd at times, but trustworthy in Farrier’s eyes. They sat down on a couch against the wall.

“What is it?” he asked as soon as they sat.

“Well, you know why I came here last time, to try and stop feeling something that I didn’t need to be feeling?” Farrier began, the sinewy man nodded.

“Didn’t work.”

James just smiled.

“Is it so bad?” he asked after a while.

“Yes. I mean no, I mean” Farrier sighed,

“It’s wonderful. It really is. It’s the first time I’ve genuinely fancied someone for more than what’s in their pants. First time. But I can’t keep it secret, it’s too hard. I can’t stop looking for excuses to talk to him, to see him. And he’s not making it easy to keep in my thoughts only, I don’t think he understands the seriousness of the situation, he makes… Advances, at times.” Farrier explained.

“So he fancies you too, Tom.” James said. Hearing it out loud made Farrier’s stomach churn.

“I’m fairly certain.” He said, unable to keep the smile from creeping onto his face, and neither was James.

“Can it not exist in secret?” the man asked. 

“That’s the problem. I know it can’t be, if we ever did something, it would be found out somehow. And if it was, there goes my entire career with the RAF, just like that.” Said Farrier.

“I can’t risk my career for him.” He added quietly. They sat in silence for a while, a man exited one of the rooms and gave a wave to James before leaving the premises.

“I need advice. I won’t do anything, but I can’t keep it up how it is. He’s wearing my patience thin, he knows something’s going on, he plays around with flirting even. It’s ridiculous and dangerous, I need to stop responding but I can’t.” Farrier said. James had pulled out another cigar from his jacket and lit it, he offered one to Farrier who took it gladly. James puffed and thought.

“Have you tried downright ignoring him?” he asked, knowing it was far too simple and that Farrier definitely had, but worth asking anyway.

“Yeah. Ate me up inside, I felt too guilty, I couldn’t keep it up longer than a few days. It tore him up too, he looked like he hadn’t slept at all, I couldn’t do that to him again.” He said. He still felt guilty about the days after the uniform party.

“Tried telling him to stop?” James asked.

“Yeah, he doesn’t listen.” Farrier responded. James didn’t answer for a while before,

“What’s he like?”

Farrier thought for a while.

“He’s amazing.” Was all he could come up with. He wasn’t good with this ‘feeling’ stuff.

“Oh come on, darling. An ‘amazing’ man is flirting with you, oh dear, what a calamity. Tell me more about him, I’m sure he’s wonderful, give me more!” James laughed.

“Okay, okay” Farrier chuckled back.

“Well, he’s Scottish. He’s from some small town in the highlands, he’s still got this sort of culture shock thing sometimes, he’s not used to living in a city, even though Gatwick’s sort of removed from London.” The brunette started.

“Culture shock?” James clarified, waving his hand to clear the smoke between them.

“Yeah, he’s had a different upbringing, I guess. An example would be when we did the swimming lessons for the men, he didn’t know the water had chlorine in it so he got it in his eyes, and then told us all that he’d only ever been swimming in the river, and the loch near his town.” Farrier chuckled at the memory, so did James.

“Loch?” the older man asked.

“Like a lake from what I gather, but very deep, like a crevice in the mountains filled with water.” Farrier answered.

“So he’s a small town boy, with big dreams of being a pilot.” James said,

“Yeah, I guess at surface level maybe.” Farrier answered.

“And what do you see in him, Tom?” the question threw Farrier off, it was deep, much deeper than the things James usually said.

“Well, a number of things. But he’s so good, he’s just so  _good_. He’s pure, and he’s got a big heart, he’s generous, I dunno, I think I see in him what I wish I could be.” Farrier said, he had let the cigar go out as he held it.

“What does he see in you?” James asked, relighting Farrier’s cigar.

“I don’t know.” Farrier said after a pause.

“You don’t know?” James asked.

“No, I really don’t know. In my eyes I’m not a likeable person at all, even just as a friend.”

“Well I'm your friend, and hell, just ask him why he likes you darling.” The man said waving his cigar.

“I can’t do that James!” Farrier protested.

“Well, by the sounds of it you two are flitting around each other playing a game of flirt without being seen, or at least he is and you can’t get him to stop, not that you really want him to it seems.” James said, eyeing Farrier as he smoked. The brunette stared ahead and raised his eyebrows as if to agree in some sort of vacant way.

“And if you’re unwilling to go through with anything, maybe if you find out what he likes, you can stop being those things.” James said.

“I don’t want to not be me, though.” Said Farrier.

“Maybe he fancies things about you that he doesn’t really know about, maybe parts of you that are more part of your, shall we call it a protective wall?” James mocked, earning daggers from Farrier.

“Or, maybe you should tell him something that might scare him just a little, about you and your personal troubles” the man said as if it wasn’t something serious.

“I think he knows some of it already, he knows about my arm at least, somehow, I certainly didn’t tell him. I don’t think he knows how I got the scar on my tummy but he’s seen it. Plus, that could backfire and make him more curious.” Farrier said.

“Well, then I’m sorry to say you drove all this way, but I don’t know what else to say, not like I’ve ever been in this situation.” The man said. Farrier sighed,

“It’s okay, but thank you for letting me come and chat anyway.” He said, running a nervous hand through his hair.

“It’s no matter at all, this is exciting to talk about!” James replied as the men stood up.

Farrier left feeling a little less restless, but no clearer on what to do about Collins. as he drove back to base he contemplated telling Collins more seriously to stop, but he couldn’t do that. Not only to Collins, but he couldn’t do it to himself. The man parked on the gravel to the side of the main building and walked inside. He knew he’d be in the hallway before he even got up the stairs. It was incessant, and Farrier loved it. He loved how excited Collins was to see him, speak to him. For someone to be genuinely happy to be with Farrier was new territory for him, excepting Canfield. Most people either saw him as the weapon he was when he was in the air and were borderlie afraid of him, or someone who was cold and emotionless and couldn’t keep normal conversation going. Or both at once. To be fair Farrier didn’t think he was amazing at small talk. As he rounded the corner of the hall, sure as day was the blonde, slumped against the door to his room. As Farrier got closer he realised Collins was- asleep? It was true, Collins had gone to sit in the hall, not waiting for anyone in particular of course, now that would be ridiculous. But soon enough he fell into a doze. Farrier was as quiet as he could be, he walked up to Collins and bobbed down next to him. He knew it was wrong, to watch him sleep. But Collins looked every part absolutely beautiful in the moonlight. His blonde hair fell in locks down his forehead, his eyes closed and blonde eyelashes touching his cheeks. Farrier’s breath faltered as he observed Collins. The boy was cross-legged, and his hands rested in his lap, head falling back against the door. It was so innocent.

It was as if the whole conversation with James had gone in one ear and out the other, and to be fair that wasn’t far from what had happened. Farrier sat next to Collins and decided to wake him, or else he might be woken from the man opening his door, and then he’d know he’d seen him asleep. It was better to wake him up, what if he slept here all night? His neck would be sore, Farrier thought. That was how Farrier spun it in his mind to be in Collins’ best interest to be woken up, not because of his own selfish desires.

“Collins?” he said as quietly as he could as they sat. No movement. He tried again only a little louder,

“Collins, wake up.” Farrier said.

“Mmmm” was the only response, coupled with a reshuffling against the door.

“Collins, you’re on the floor.” Farrier tried once more.

“Farri…” Collins mumbled, his eyes rapidly moved under his eyelids and then a smile appeared on the blonde’s lips. The man sighed and supressed a smile of his own. Farrier tried his hardest not to, but his hand reached out and lightly touched Collins’ shoulder. He could feel his skin through the cotton pyjamas, he was warm. He gave Collins a light shake, but all it did was cause Collins to try and nuzzle into Farrier’s hand and arm with his face. Eventually Collins let his head flop down onto the hand on top of his shoulder. His cheek was soft, much softer than Farrier had expected, and the hair on his head was long enough that it tickled his arm as Collins rested. It took an enormous effort to move his hand away. The blonde’s head then moved off his shoulder and rested forwards.

“Collins, wake up.” Farrier said louder and closer to Collins’ ear. Finally, the blonde stirred. He swallowed and blinked twice before he realised there was someone next to him, and when he did his pupils dilated and he jumped slightly.

“Woah, uh, hiya” he said with a soft, sleepy voice, eyes big and blue as ever.

“Evening, Collins. You were asleep.” Farrier smiled. Collins seemed slightly disorientated but stood up nonetheless, Farrier joined him.

“Wha’s time?” he mumbled.

"Check your watch, Collins” Farrier answered. The blonde blinked wearily at the tiny watch face, Farrier caught a glimpse and saw it was half past midnight. Collins groaned at the time, he stood up slowly and Farrier rose with him.

“I’m goon to bed then. Thanks fer wakin’ me” he said quietly as he opened his door slowly.

“No problem, sleep well Collins.” Farrier said, the blonde was speaking more Scots than usual, maybe that happened when he was tired, Farrier thought.

“You too, Farrier.” He mumbled as he walked back into his room. Farrier felt tingly inside, and any thoughts of telling Collins to stop were forgotten, they may not have anything together, but this ‘nothing’ was more than enough.

Farrier slept well that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hope you all enjoyed! As always I can't thank you all enough for the kudos and comments you leave!!  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat.  
> Until next chapter!


	37. Arrival of the Hurricanes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, felt like uploading a Sunday chapter! Hope you all enjoy this one, it's just a feelgood chapter <3

The Hurricanes arrived on the second Saturday of September. Farrier awoke suddenly to something that at first he thought was an invasion, but then realised they were their planes being flown in from the factory. He watched out his window as the Hurricanes landed on the runway and all taxied into a line at the end. Even he had to admit they sounded beautiful, looked it too. He hummed to himself in content. As much as he complained about the war and not wanting another, he’d somewhat forgotten the feeling of watching warplanes in formation. It was powerful and beautiful both at once.

Collins was filled with excitement, and he imagined everyone on base was as well. They sounded so wonderful, rich deep vibrations cut loudly through the air from the engines of twelve planes all flying into Gatwick. He pulled his eyes away from the window and got his slippers on, ran down the hall to Dawson’s room and banged on the door. He was greeted by an equally excited man on the other side.

“Beautiful aren’t they?” Dawson asked,

“Aye they are!” Collins replied. They watched until they’d all landed.

“Let’s go get Wingnut!” Collins said.

The two bounded around the corner to see Wingnut already in the hallway looking around.

“What was that? Couldn’t see from my window, faces the wrong way.” He said.

“The warplanes have arrived!” Dawson said. The three ran outside in their pyjamas to look. So had some of the other boarders and Canfield was there too, although he was dressed in his uniform rather than pyjamas.

“Morning lads, apologies for the noise, doubt you could sleep in through this!” the old man laughed.

“Doubt we’d want to!” Dawson replied.

Collins got quite the surprise as he saw women climbing out of the cockpits of the twelve Hurricanes.

“Cor look over there!” Collins heard Wingnut say to Dawson. The two seemed completely enamoured by the girls. Collins pretended to be as well for the sake of Canfield being there. One of the women walked up to the group.   
“Morning!” she said excitedly, taking off her flight helmet. She was dressed in dark blue trousers, a light blue shirt and tie matching the trouser colour, the female version of the uniform Collins realised, she removed her brown leather flying gauntlets and shook hands with Canfield.

“Morning Lucy. How are you all this morning?” he asked.

“Very well sir, all twelve got here without incident, but we’ve gotta get off to Cranwell soon to deliver some Spits.” She smiled. She had dark brown hair pinned back from her face, and bright eyes. She looked over to the boys in pyjamas standing next to Canfield.

“Morning boys.” She smiled. The students all said some sort of nervous sentence, Collins, his usual “Hiya”.

“Didn’t know women flew too.” Wingnut said to her, surprising Dawson and Collins.

“Yep, and we’re darn good at it too!” She said with a smile on her red painted lips. She turned back to Canfield.

“Just need to you check the planes off.” She said, pulling a small piece of paper out of her pocket along with a pen.

“Ah, of course.” He signed on a line at the bottom.

“Do you have a second?” she asked. Canfield was momentarily confused.

“Uh- yes, there’s no rush, dear.” He said. Lucy laughed.

“A second in command, a deputy? We need two to sign off.” She said with a smile.

“Oh! Yes yes, my apologies, this is actually Gatwick’s first order of warplanes, I’m not too sure about the nitty-gritty.” Canfield chuckled.

“Give me a moment.” He added. He turned back to the building scanning for Farrier who he knew would be looking out his window. Upon spotting the man he waved him down, to which Farrier put a hand up signalling to give him a moment to get ready.

“He should be down soon.” Canfield said to Lucy.

The rest of the students had gone to look at the planes and girls flying them, leaving Canfield with Collins, Dawson and Timson.

“Early morning for you lot, looks like!” the girl jested to their pyjamas.

“Aye, hard tae sleep wi’ those flyin’ in.” Collins laughed.

“Oh! You’re Scottish?” Lucy asked.

“How’d yae know?” Collins chuckled.

“So you’ve got a lot of work, Lucy?” Canfield asked.

“Yeah we do, we keep getting more and more! Right now we work about twelve days and get two days leave. It’s getting pretty busy, but it’s good. The girls love it.” She said.

“Gee, how d’you keep up?” Dawson laughed.

“Have you been in planes yet?” she asked.

“Yeah.” Wingnut answered for them,

“Then you know how addictive flying is. It’s not work at all.” She smiled at Wingnut who smiled back.

Then they turned to see a sleepy Farrier walking up to them, in his light blue pyjamas and flying boots. Collins tried to hide a smirk but Dawson managed to see, jabbing him in the side discretely.    
“Morning then.” Farrier said in a grumpy voice.

“Ah yes, he didn’t have classes till afternoon. May have let it slip you’d be here.” Canfield tutted to Lucy.

“Morning!” She said to Farrier, who nodded wearily in her direction.

“Are you the second in command?” she asked,

“That I am, Squadron Leader Farrier.” He said, clearing his throat.

“Ah, perfect. Just need you to sign here, and that will be all.” The page was handed to Farrier, and he signed as well as he could considering he’d just woken up.

“Thanks Lucy.” He said, handing it back.

“Okay, I think that’s everything. Suppose we’ll get to the train then!” she said and shook hands with both officers,

“How do they fly?” Farrier asked.

“They’re beautiful. Very smooth, not too heavy, quite manoeuvrable. Of course we only flew them in straight lines, but they’ll be good. They feel strong.” She said.

“Good, that’s what we need.” The man replied. The woman began to turn to leave with a smile, 

“Bye” she said, specifically to Wingnut, before she turned and walked off to the group of women around the planes. Collins turned to his brunette friend to see him very red in the face, with a look of sheer shock.

“Lass actually gave yae some attention!” he laughed.

“I know!” Wingnut said in response. Canfield laughed,

“Go on lads, back inside. Go have breakfast.” He said to them.

It was a relaxing Saturday, the boys walked to the sandwich shop for a late lunch, class wasn’t until 15:00 so they lazed around out the back of the building watching the new planes have an inspection. Farrier, Canfield and the other officers were walking around the planes. Farrier had the engine flap up on one and was looking inside the plane, Canfield was making sure the rudders worked on all the planes’ tails.

“They look so nice.” Dawson mumbled.

“Aye, good paint jobs.” Collins replied, according to Canfield the colour scheme was called ‘sand and spinach’ which amused Collins. they had bright roundels on the body and wings, but the underbelly was the most interesting part to Collins. It was half black and half white, divided down the length of the plane, it was quite striking.

“Hope we can go up in them soon then.” Wingnut said to nobody in particular. He still looked slightly dazed from speaking to a female.

It was cloudy, and the wind was blowing hard, contrary to the tame morning they’d had.

“Think I could get one up in this?” Farrier asked Canfield.

“Always the first to ask to fly, aren’t you.” He smirked.

“Come on, you know I’d be the least likely to have anything happen in these conditions anyway.” Farrier pushed. His answer came in the form of a sigh and a smile from the old man.

“You owe me a game of chess tonight! Oh and Farrier, the air regulations have changed with the addition of these planes. Now you’ve got all of group 11’s area to fly in!” Canfield said to Farrier before he grinned and jogged off to the main building to get his flight gear. He smiled to himself as he jogged. It was strange, how much he hadn’t wanted the planes to come, and now how excited he was. But for now, his mind couldn’t focus on much except how quickly he could go and get his flight gear from his room.

“What’s gotten into him?” Wingnut asked the other two as they watched Farrier jog happily by into the building behind them.

“Dunno.” Collins replied peacefully as he finished his sandwich, happy to see a smile on the man’s face. He glanced sideways to see Dawson smiling at him. Not a big grin, but a small smile of acceptance. For once no snarky comment came out of Collins’ mouth, he just smiled back. He knew exactly why the blonde was smiling at him, and while a great deal of him was embarrassed, a small part was happy that Dawson seemed to think it was sweet. It wasn’t common to come across someone as casual about the subject as Dawson, so Collins just sat back and appreciated that he was his friend. 

Sometimes Collins felt guilty, he’d met Timson first, but had somehow become closer with Dawson. He supposed it was just that Wingnut had too much energy, no off switch. That, and it was more difficult to have a normal conversation with him, always joking about. Dawson was much more intuitive and thoughtful, but still had that streak of fun.

Farrier went upstairs as fast as he could and opened his cupboard to retrieve his Irvin flying jacket. He kicked off his shoes and replaced them with his flying boots come slippers in the peacetime. He shrugged the jacket on and then opened a drawer on his dressing table that contained very few items, a draw that was a little stuck from lack of use. Inside was his old flying helmet, gloves and goggles from the war, his old watch that no longer worked and had a cracked face, and a photo of his mother holding him as a toddler. It was originally just a drawer he used to store things he didn’t know where else to put, but somehow not much had wound up in there, probably something to do with his compartmentalisation of ‘work’ and ‘not work’ spilling into a need to organise everything. He grabbed the flight gear, went back downstairs and outside.

“That looks warm.” Wingnut remarked quietly as the man passed the three on his way back to the hangars.

“Yeah. I know about those. They give them to you when you become a flying officer. Irvin makes them, pure sheepskin.” Dawson said. Collins hummed in response. It did look warm, and soft, and very attractive on Farrier. 

“Officer’s privilege” he said quietly.

“Indeed.” Dawson replied.

“Ah, look at you!” Canfield exclaimed as Farrier got within talking distance. The brunette chuckled.

“You don’t look a day over twenty!” Canfield said, eliciting a bigger laugh from Farrier. 

“Thanks Michael. Good to wear it all again.” He said. Canfield smiled, glad the lad was finally showing some sort of interest in the inevitable wartime flying,

“Now get up there!” he said. Farrier didn’t need any encouragement. 

“Oh, he’s going for a fly!” Wingnut said. Dawson rolled his eyes at Collins,

“What did you think he was doing in flying gear, Wingnut?” he asked with a laugh.

“I dunno, didn’t think about it.” He replied with a chuckle. Sometimes Collins did wonder about his friend.

Farrier climbed up into one of the Hurricanes and put the helmet, then goggles, then gloves on. He connected himself up to the radio, although he knew nobody would be on the other end. He gave Canfield the all clear and he got off the runway. Farrier pulled the canopy shut above him. He took a moment to look about the controls. The most interesting thing was the control column, it had a ring for a handle, with a brass button on the top, it had two words written in tiny writing on a small ring around said button, ‘safe’ and ‘fire’. He twisted the ring to confirm his suspicions, the word at the top was the setting the control column was in. He turned it so that ‘safe’ was up, more for mental comfort than anything. It had been a long time since Farrier had been in an armed plane, and though he knew this one didn’t have any ammunition, seeing the word ‘fire’ on the button was enough to make him sit back in the seat for a moment. It was real. The war was going to happen. He sighed and tried not to think about it too much or he’d get dragged into his own thoughts. He scanned the controls to find out where everything was, relatively similar to most planes.  _Right, brakes off_  he thought to himself, and as he did so the plane inched forward, mainly from the wind. He pushed the ‘pump engine’ button a few times to prepare it. The Rolls Royce Merlin engine, that’s what was in the plane Canfield said. The engine he’d been trying to read the instruction book of when Dawson screamed down the hall that night.  _God that was ages ago_ _,_  thought Farrier as he held the ‘starter’ and ‘boost’ buttons down until the engine started. It was a low rumble, loud. Farrier couldn’t see all that much over the nose, he’d been warned some of the new fighters might be like this, apparently it made the vision better in the air though. He opened the throttle just a little, and the engine roared into life. It did sound wondrously powerful, he taxied left and right, snaking to the middle of the runway. He checked the rear view mirror, he could just make out four figures by the building. Good. Nobody near the plane. He looked at what he could see of the treetops out the sides of the canopy to get an idea of the wind.  _Crosswind, that’s fun_.He thought. Then Farrier opened the throttle more. 20%, 50%, up to 80%. The Hurricane rumbled down the runway, gaining speed at an almost alarming rate. It was invigorating, exciting, it made Farrier feel alive. He pulled the control column back a little as he felt the tailwheel leave the ground, finally he could see in front of himself. He pulled back a little more as the plane got up to speed, and just like that the wheels left the earth and he was off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!! And thank you to everyone who gave kudos/commented, I love u all! (Don't be afraid to comment, even if it's just you screaming, I love interacting with everyone, let me know what you think!)  
> Next chapter will be up tomorrow as per upload Monday.  
> If anyone wants to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com  
> Until next chapter!


	38. Farrier's Flight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday! (or whatever day it is where you are) Hope everyone enjoys this chapter, mostly plot but who doesn't love reading about a Hurricane flight?!
> 
> (On an unrelated note I've been craving miso soup)
> 
> (On a related note the roulette planes are flying over my city this Saturday and you already kno I'll have the camera ready!!)
> 
> Happy reading <3

The plane soared upwards, pushing Farrier back into the seat, pushing him back more than any of the weaker training planes had. He flew over the fields behind the airstrip, something he’d previously not been able to do thanks to the air restrictions. Farrier started a wide sweeping turn to starboard until he was facing the main building again. The controls were sturdy, not difficult and they felt strong, just like Lucy had told them. He flew back towards base and dropped the nose a little, just for show, pushing the control ring away from himself. He knew Canfield would make some comment to the boys but he didn’t really care. He pushed the throttle stick forwards just a little more until he felt the wire pushing against the front of the stick telling him he’d reached 100% power, not that you were meant to fly on full power, but he was testing the plane. As he headed back he realised the teaching would have to speed up now that the planes were here, none of them knew what War Emergency Power was, he realised. And that was one of his favourite things to test out on new planes. 

“He’s already done?” Collins asked Canfield as they watched Farrier coming back towards the runway. Immediately he realised he wasn’t done because the landing gear was still up.

“Oh no lad, he’s just showing off!” the man laughed. The plane had dipped down, not low enough to land on the runway, but it had lost decent altitude. The engine roared above the wind and they all watched as Farrier pulled the plane back up and it swooped up and over the building with ease. The engine rumbled in Collins’ chest, it was loud and powerful, and beautiful.

“And off he goes. I’m heading inside lads, see you later.” Canfield said and slowly walked towards the door, still stalling and listening to the engine.

Farrier chuckled, he wondered what they’d thought of that little stunt. He’d need to get used to pulling G’s like that again, it was admittedly a bit of a strain to come out of the dive, shallow as it was, and go back up over the building. Nonetheless the man kept flying. Canfield would no doubt tut, but maybe it gave the lads a bit of a surprise. Hopefully. Checking fuel gauges, checking rear view mirror, it was all coming back now, as if it never left. There wasn’t the slightest doubt in his mind where he was going, Farrier was heading to the sea. He considered, what would they think if he tested the War Emergency Power? It meant pushing the throttle lever hard forward until the wire snapped, therefore using more than 100% throttle. You could hear from a mile away whenever a plane went into WEP. It was meant for emergencies though, hence the name. Farrier decided if he was going to fly, he may as well test the plane properly. He gave a hard push and felt the wire snap at the front of the throttle lever, giving him some extra room to push it forward. The plane lurched as the speed increased, and the engine growled even louder than it already was. Using the extra power to climb higher into the sky, Farrier could just begin to make out the distinct skyline of London nearby.

Canfield heard the plane’s engine rev, somewhere in the air above the streets in front of the main building. Soon after he saw it appear in the near distance, climbing higher into the air. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Wha you laughing about?” Wingnut asked.

“Oh. It’s just that I know he’s going to throw the plane around a bit to test it. Did you boys hear the engine sound change?” the old man asked, the three nodded.

“That was called War Emergency Power. It’s a throttle setting for, you guessed, emergencies. It gives the plane more power than normal so you can zoom away from danger if necessary, you have to be sure not to use it for too long or it’ll burn out the engine, though. Farrier’s just testing it for fun. But you’ll learn about WEP later.” He said.

“I’ve changed my mind, considering the conditions I’ll be staying here to make sure he lands safely, you lads feel free to head off.” He added.

“I’ll stay, nothing much else tae do till lessons.” Collins said, assuming his friends would sit with him, but they both made their excuses and went back into the building, leaving Collins to stand with Canfield and wait for Farrier. He felt like they’d done that deliberately, though they probably meant well.

“So, young Collins. How are things for you?” Canfield asked as they stood against the wall.

“Yae, good. Cannae complain, good tae be flyin’ again.” He answered, wary that Canfield might ask something about Farrier.

“Good to hear it. I suppose you’re looking forward to the prospects of war?” Canfield asked. Collins was somewhat baffled.

“Should I be?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound rude.

“Oh, most of the young lads seem thrilled by the idea of it. Aren’t you?” he said, surprised Collins had responded the way he did, but glad the lad was more mature in his answer than most.

“I mean, when yae put it that way I guess. Flying to protect your home is important, when I think about it I almost feel like the boots are too big to fill, yae know?” Collins chuckled.

“You think you’re not ready?” Canfield asked.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, with respect sir.” The blonde said.

“Very true Collins. Very true. One is never ready for war, but still, we try.” Canfield smiled and looked over the rest of the Hurricanes.

 

Farrier was flying over fields now, he pulled the throttle back a little to stop the WEP and return to the usual 85% throttle. The engine was holding up well. No splutters even during the emergency power, very loud in his ears even with the radio hooked up, he knew the engines he was used to both in the training planes they had and the planes he’d flown in the war were very weak compared to this, but it was still fascinating to be able to hear such a difference. This one made powerful, deep rumbles rather than the lighter, more ‘buzzy’ sound of the weaker engines. It was a real warplane engine, Farrier thought to himself. It was like some men with cars and their engines, the sound warplane engines made was downright seductive to a pilot. Farrier flew, unable to check his still missing watch, he assumed he’d only been in the air for maybe ten minutes, and he could already see the ocean in the distance. He smiled to himself. It had been too long since he’d been to a beach of any kind, always bogged down with work, or too tired, there was always a reason not to go on holiday, it seemed. This flight alone made up for all the holidays Farrier hadn’t taken in the past years, he thought. Finally, to be in a plane alone, without a student needing help. It was so perfect, even with the roar of the engine. Especially with the roar of the engine.

“Not that there will be a war.” Canfield said, realising he’d dampened the mood. Collins turned to look at the man, his eyes conveying everything he needed. They both knew it would happen, eventually. The old man sighed.

“Mind yae, Farrier donnae exactly make the prospects of war attractive.” Collins chuckled, upon realising it might have been taken as strange to bring Farrier up he wiped the smile off his face.

“Oh?” was all Canfield said.

“Ah nothin’. Just doesn’t seem so happy about the situation.” Collins said, hoping it wouldn’t be taken as weird.

“No, he isn’t. Though, he has more cause than most not to want to fly in war again, but I shouldn’t speak of such things.” Canfield said.

“I’m beginnin’ to piece it together, don’ worry.” Collins responded.

“How’s that? Do you two speak often?” Canfield probed. 

“Eh, sorta. Not more than anyone else, I imagine. Banter in the classrooms mostly.” He answered, in his head thinking he’d done a good job of covering up. He was definitely not telling the senior officer that he had private conversations with Farrier almost every night in the hallway after everyone was asleep. Canfield was irked by the lad’s statement, not entirely sure that it was all true, but he didn’t want to push in case his suspicions were confirmed.

And then Farrier was over the white cliffs. They were still bright considering the clouds. He hadn’t seen the cliffs for, how long was it now? He realised it hadn’t been since 1917, when he was flying over to France. He sighed at the memory and made a mental note to come to Dover soon, on foot rather than in the air for once. Or any beach really, he’d be grateful for. Farrier loved the beach, the power of the waves was amazing and cooling off in them was a luxury he seldom had time for these days. Back when he was younger Canfield would take him to the beach. Before then, his mother would take him, at the protest of his father, who didn’t like the ocean at all and saw it as a of time. Farrier checked the fuel, barely down at all. Still, he knew he should head back. But not before doing a few tricks. He needed to get used to pulling G’s again, and  _why not?_  He thought. He deserved to have some proper fun in the plane anyway. He was back over land now, he angled the nose slightly down and after gaining a little speed, he pulled the control column back and the plane flew upwards. He held it until the plane was almost at stalling speed from flying vertically upwards before pulling the control back towards him even more to continue the loop. He felt light-headed, but the plane had easily done the manoeuvre so that was good. Now, some tight turns. He flew in a single direction, and threw the plane in the other, using ailerons and the rudder both at the same time, it kind of hurt his neck to turn, but again the plane was sturdy. Now for the vertical corkscrew. He dropped the nose once more to gain some speed, and sharply pulled the control stick towards him, once the plane nose was facing the heavens he increased the throttle right back up to WEP and the plane shot upwards, he pulled the control stick to port hard, and the plane began to corkscrew into the air. It was a good twenty seconds by Farrier’s count before the plane began to stall, after which he pulled the control back towards him and the plane rolled back to arrive back in standard position and the man pulled back on the throttle once more. The engine revived itself from the stall as soon as the Hurricane was upright. After a few more manoeuvres Farrier he headed back to base, he did have a class to teach after all.

Wingnut was no good at cards, but that didn’t mean he ever said no to playing. The only way to get better was to play more.

“Do you have a strategy mate?” Dawson asked, trying to peak over to Timson’s cards.

“Yeah, I do! No looking!” he answered. He didn’t. They were sat on the floor of Dawson’s room playing. After a silence Wingnut spoke again.

“What do you think of Collins and Farrier?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” Dawson responded, not looking up from his cards. Only now did he realise he was holding a 7 of spades, not clubs. There goes that, he thought. Wingnut needed a win though, so he didn’t mind much.

“I mean what do you think of them?” Wingnut asked again. Dawson sighed,

“Well, I actually find it endearing that Collins is sweet on him, at the very least it gives him a reason to try his best in everything, to impress Farrier.” Dawson said.

“Yeah, I mean it’s kind of weird, two men. I wanna be happy for our Scot of course, it’s just a strange thought, like I don’t see the appeal. Do you think anything’ll ever happen?” the brunette asked.

There was a silence and the boys looked at each other.

“I don’t know.” Dawson eventually responded.

“Do you?” the blonde asked back.

“Dunno. I dunno if I want anything to, if I’m honest.” Wingnut said. Dawson cleared his throat and held his cards up to himself to continue the game. He wasn’t in the mood to talk about Collins, not behind his back either. In the end, he didn’t know if he wanted anything to happen either. He supposed it was a little odd, homosexuality, the thought of two men together did irk him a bit, but there was a whole extra layer to it, the fact that they were both in the armed forces and the country was getting ready for war. What if one lost the other? He banished the thoughts and concentrated on the game at hand. He was happy that Collins was happy, and that was all there was to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! Hope you enjoyed how I wrote the flight, it's something I haven't had much practice doing but I really should get used to it considering the profession of our boys here! (Not that it isn't a ton of fun to write, believe me it is)  
> I'd love to know what everyone thought of this chapter, and thank you to everyone who left kudos/comments on previous ones, they mean the world to me and are the main way I get to interact with all of you!  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat!  
> Until next chapter <3


	39. Landing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy moly has it already been a week since I uploaded? Time goes fast when you're back at uni I suppose. Hope everyone is doing well.
> 
> For all of you who are being torn to shreds by the slowest of slow burns, you're probably going to hate this chapter, thought I should give fair warning. 
> 
> Also, thank you for the lovely comments, this week has been stressful getting back into the uni swing, your kind words are keeping me sane!  
> Anyway, happy reading, folks!

Soon the two men could hear a plane in the distance once more.

“Ah, here he comes.” Canfield said, walking away from the wall to look over the building.

“Aye.” Replied Collins, following Canfield. They watched as Farrier arced over the building, engine grumbling loudly above the wind. He flew a while away while making a sweeping 180 degree turn, and eventually he lined the plane up to land, wheels slowly swinging outwards from the undercarriage. It was strange, standing looking down the runway for Collins. He would have preferred to be on the side, but he supposed it was a good learning experience too, seeing it land from this angle. Just looked like it was flying straight towards him was all. Farrier dropped the nose and came down to the runway. Canfield noticed the wings quivering a little in the wind and mumbled something worried to himself.

“Alrigh’?” Collins asked,

“Hmm? Oh yes. Just the wind.” He responded, fidgeting with his hands in his pockets.

 

The wind hadn’t gotten any weaker since he took off, and it took considerable effort to keep the plane stable. Still, the landing wasn’t that difficult for him, the wheels hit the tarmac and the plane jolted at the friction. Suddenly it was a lot less likely the wind was going to blow the plane off course. As he taxied off he saw only two people outside, Canfield and Collins. Not sure how to feel about the conversation that probably ensued between them he continued until the Hurricane was back where it had started in line with the others.

Collins found it quite thrilling to watch Farrier fly. Even though he couldn’t see the man, the knowledge that he was controlling such a powerful plane, and flying it so well, was enough to make his stomach tighten. Farrier climbed out onto the wing and jumped off. He pulled his flight helmet and goggles off, running a gauntleted hand through his now messy hair. He walked over to the two,

“Afternoon.” He said more to Collins than Canfield, mocking the lad’s common phrase. It was the older man who responded,

“Had a good flight then?” Canfield asked.

“Yes very good. I went to Dover and back, and it only took, what, thirty minutes?” Farrier said.

“Yes, about thirty, good timing, very good, and no hiccups?” Canfield asked after checking his watch, well aware that Farrier still hadn’t found his.

“Nope, threw her around a bit too just to make sure. Everything’s fine, very strong planes.” Farrier answered.

“Excellent news.” Canfield said. The three walked inside out of the wind and Farrier unzipped his Irvin jacket.

“Good to get into a plane by myself again.” He said quietly to Canfield as Collins walked awkwardly along with them, feeling like he was intruding on an ‘officer only’ conversation.

“I can imagine, I might have to take one up soon!” the older man responded, he continued speaking as they walked into the hallway from the locker rooms,

“Well, I’ve got a scheduled phone call from the Ministry soon, so I should probably wait for that in my office.” Canfield said,

“Oh, what do they want now?” Farrier asked.

“Not sure, I think it’s about establishing radar in the mess hall.” Canfield said, Farrier hummed amusedly in response.

“Well, I’m going upstairs for a bit.” He said after a while.

“I will as well, my friends are up there.” Collins said, painfully aware of how awkward he sounded.

“Alright, see you two later then.” Canfield said, not really wanting to leave them alone together, and slightly annoyed he hadn’t gotten the chance to tell Farrier about the interesting conversation he’d had with Collins, but there was nothing he could do.

 

“You’re a great flier.” Collins blurted out when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Oh, glad you think so, Collins.” Farrier smiled.

“You’re actually very good for the amount you’ve flown, too.” He added,

“Yae think?” Collins almost laughed. He thought he was good, but didn’t realise that was something people other than him thought too.

“Yeah, I do think so.” Farrier said warmly as they ascended the stairs and he took his leather flying gauntlets off. They walked along the corridor in silence for a while, before Collins heard chattering and giggles from Dawson’s room.

“Ah, I should go join em’.” He said,

“Do… You have to?” Farrier asked, not knowing what possessed him to say that and immediately wishing he hadn’t. A shy smile crept onto Collins’ face,

“I guess not.” He said quietly. They walked along until they’d reached Farrier’s door. The man opened it, Collins assumed he was putting his flight things away and they’d sit in the hallway like usual, but Farrier held the door open for Collins after him. The blonde looked at him, he must have looked a little shocked.

“It’s okay, I don’t think we should sit out there in daylight is all, too busy.” Farrier said. Collins nodded and took a few nervous steps into the room as the door was closed behind him. It was the first time he’d been in Farrier’s room. It felt too personal for him to be here, but he couldn’t help look around. It was somewhat similar to his own room, but it was larger, the bed was a double, or was that a queen? There was a little low table and chairs in front of the window with a set of teacups and a packet of biscuits on the top. There was also a wardrobe, a bedside table, a writing desk, a dressing table similar to Collins’ own, at which Farrier was currently depositing his flight helmet, goggles and gauntlets. The brunette was extremely annoyed at himself, or rather he would be if the adrenalin from the flight had stopped, which it hadn’t. Why would he say that to Collins? Something in the drawer he was putting his flight gear into distracted his thoughts.

“Want to see a photo?” he asked. Farrier’s voice seemed far away, as if he wasn’t thinking about what he’d said.

“Yeah, sure” Collins said quietly, walking up behind Farrier. The brunette’s heart fluttered as he felt Collins’ breath on the back of his neck, he could almost feel his warmth from how close they were. He put his flying gear away and got out the old photo that inhabited the same drawer. He turned around, almost wishing he hadn’t. Collins was way too close for his liking, or maybe he did like it. But it didn’t feel right, didn’t feel safe. He took a deep breath and stepped to the side a bit to put distance between them. Before Collins could protest he began talking.

“It’s me, and mum. I was two here.” He said, handing Collins the photo. The blonde’s eyes immediately lit up. Farrier was a chubby little boy with curly toddler hair and a huge grin on his face. His mother was beautiful, he had her eyes.

“You were so cute” Collins mumbled mainly to himself. Farrier rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Thank you.” Collins added, handing the photography back.

“For?” Farrier asked, leaving the photo on the dressing table instead of putting it away.

“Letting me see it.” The blonde shrugged.

“Ah it’s nothing. Just to pass the time.” Farrier said.

“Want a biscuit? I received another anonymous gift from the kitchen staff, same lass I think.” He said, picking up the biscuits from the small table.

“Oh, yes please.” Collins said taking one. They were shortbread biscuits this time.

“Shortbrea’“ he said with a mouthful.

“Sco’ish recipe” he added after he’d swallowed some of his biscuit. Farrier hummed,

“Didn’t know that.” He said. He took a seat at the coffee table and Collins took the other.

“What was flying the Hurricane like?” Collins asked, grabbing another biscuit.

“It’s good. Feels sturdier than what we’re training you lot in, not as manoeuvrable as it’s heavier but definitely safer.” He said, grabbing a biscuit of his own.

“Aye, looked it. Canfield told us aboot WEP while you were flyin’ off.” Collins said, Farrier chuckled.

“Yeah, something they didn’t have in the war, only coming in now with these.” He said.

“I’ll teach you how to use it some day.” He added with a smile.

“I assumed so.” Collins replied,

“Oh on the contrary, while we’ll tell you how to use it, we’re not meant to show you or let you do it in the planes unless you’re in a wartime emergency. Puts too much strain on the engine, and if a beginner burns the engine out, could be disastrous.” Farrier said, Collins went a little serious.

“But, Canfield and I don’t share the same views all the time. I think we should be letting you all try it, you all know how to fly, and you can hear it in the engine anyway when you need to stop WEP anyway, starts rattling and spluttering awfully.” He said.

“Interestin’.” Collins replied, who was on his third biscuit.

“Nice biscuits these ones, aren’t they” Farrier laughed, the blonde hummed in response as he looked out the window.

“Farrier?” he asked after a while,

“Mm?”

“What are we doin’?” Collins asked resignedly. Farrier smiled down at the floor.

“What do you mean?” he said, knowing full well what the blonde meant.

“I mean,” Collins said, shifting his chair closer to Farrier’s.

“Why’re we playin’ this game? It could be somethin’ more, ya know.” He said. His eyes were always so honest, his emotions always on display. Farrier could get lost in them for hours if he let himself.

“You know it can’t be more.” He said with a sigh. For the first time Farrier could remember since being told the pool was chlorinated Collins looked perplexed, genuinely confused.

“Yes it can.” He said with more authority in his voice than Farrier could recall hearing before, the tone made him feel something he shouldn’t have. He breathed measuredly,

“Collins. If it were to get out, I’d lose my job. I’ve worked all my life to get where I am now, it’s not worth the risk. It’s against the law.” He said.

“Nobody has tae know.” Collins pushed. Farrier eyed him cautiously, there were almost sharing breath at this point. Collins hadn’t broken eye contact and those blue orbs were positively glowing with excitement. Farrier felt himself leaning closer, his nose was almost touching the blonde’s, then Farrier gave himself a mental shake and straightened himself, putting distance between them.

“Get out.” He said.

“C’mon Farrier, yae cannae do that.” Collins whined.

“No. Out. Go be with your friends, I shouldn’t have invited you in. I was going to talk to you about whatever the hell you said to Canfield with your damned loud mouth and inability to keep things to yourself, but as usual you derailed my intentions.” Farrier said, taking the biscuit packet out of the blonde’s hands. Collins huffed and walked out of the room quickly.

Collins stomped down the hallway to join his friends. That was just unfair, that was all on Farrier. How could he blame Collins for ‘derailing’ what he’d wanted to say? It was Farrier who invited him into his room in the first place, Collins was just going to play cards with Wingnut and Dawson initially.

Farrier felt fucking awful. That short interaction had taken all the happiness the plane flight had given him and replaced it with remorse. Why was he like this? How could he have snapped at Collins? More to the point, why did he? Farrier stopped eating the biscuits and lit a cigarette instead. He needed to figure something out soon, that was way too close, and this time it was not even Collins’ fault, it was his own. And that worried Farrier more than anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for upload Monday! Sorry it was a shorter chapter, I hope it was enjoyable to read nonetheless. Thank you to everyone who has been continually supporting this fic, it seriously means so much to me to see people genuinely enjoying my writing.  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat!  
> Until next chapter <3


	40. 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Upload Monday is here! I know everyone sort of died and screamed at me for the ending of the last chapter so I'm sorry, though I'm not sure if this makes up for it. (The title coinciding with the chapter number is annoying+amusing me)

It was Thursday the 15th September. It was Farrier’s birthday. He still couldn’t get out of his head what had almost happened the Saturday before with Collins. He was angry at himself for allowing it to go that far, for even inviting the boy into his room, it was all so stupid. He meandered downstairs to the dining hall for breakfast, which had already begun to take on the appearance of a radar room. He entered and Canfield got up out of his seat with his arms in the air, he could hear the man’s voice from the door excitedly yelling,

“Here he is!” Farrier had to smile at that. Canfield always got so excited when it was his birthday.

Wingnut sniggered at Canfield’s outburst.

“Someone’s excited to see him.” He said,

“Yeah, and not just our boy here” Dawson playfully nudged Collins, making sure nobody heard or saw. Collins looked down at his cereal and tried to keep the heat from his face.

“Happy birthday chap!” Canfield said as Farrier reached the staff table.

“Thanks, Michael.” Farrier chuckled as the older man embraced him.

The three boys heard it from where they were sat.

“Oh” Wingnut said, understanding now. Collins let a smile slip onto his face as he ate.

Later that day Farrier had the class he’d both been waiting for and dreading, one with Collins. As all the students piled in, Farrier’s anxiety spiked. Eventually Collins wandered in with a smile on his face upon seeing the man, the lad was like a puppy, he hadn’t even expressed much anger after the almost happening the previous Saturday. He was probably happy about it more than anything, even if he was annoyed immediately after. Once everyone had taken their seats Farrier attempted to begin the lesson, but not before-

“Happy birthday, Farrier!” Wingnut called out.

“Ah, yes. Thanks Timson.” He smiled politely.

“Oh, is it now? Come on everyone!” A lanky boy said, looking behind him at the class, and he began to sing. All the lads joined in and somehow the class sang happy birthday, not sounding completely awful either. If Collins hadn’t seen Farrier look completely mortified, he had now. The man tried his best to act normal, but did anyone really know how to act when the birthday song was being sung to them? Farrier didn’t think so. Finally the class finished and his eyes rested on Collins’ with a tired smile.

“Thank you class, now let’s get on, shall we?” he said.

“How old are ya then?” of course it was Anderson that asked. Collins was curious himself, of course.

“Twenty-one.” Farrier joked, and then continued the lesson, a rather interesting one on emergency landings.

“So, if your landing gear isn’t going down, just make absolutely sure that you land with your nose up more than usual, or the plane might catch and flip forwards.” Farrier explained.

“’Ave you ever been in a crash?” someone asked.

“Yes, most pilots have.” Farrier answered curtly.

“And what happened then?” the same person asked. Collins turned around to discover that it was Johnson, Anderson’s quieter yet still somehow very annoying friend. Every time Collins ever heard Johnson speak it was a meaningless or offensive comment.

“Well, as you all know the planes in the Great War didn’t have any sort of canopy protection, if the plane had flipped and landed upside down, it’d have killed me without a doubt. But, it didn’t. Someone shot the core out of my engine and there was nowhere to land safely, we were over dense forest in France. The plane was going down, and there was nowhere good to put her, so I went through the trees. Wings came straight off, of course, the force of them being ripped from the fuselage threw the whole plane around. Luckily the prop didn’t come off as well because it would have probably decapitated me!” Farrier laughed, Collins didn’t.

“Anyway, plane landed minus wings, and because of the velocity and the fact that the plane wasn’t heading for the ground at a straight angle at all, one side dug down into the dirt and the plane did a sort of cartwheel I suppose, up onto the nose and then down onto where the other wing would have been and finally back down onto its belly, I had the seatbelt on of course so it just kind of threw me around in my seat. The plane stops moving, I get out and walk to where the nearest allied base is according to my map!” he chuckled, saying it aloud made it sound like some sort of eventful excursion day, which is not how it felt while it was happening.

“How’d the soldiers help you?” Dawson asked.

“They helped me contact the Royal Flying Corps, as it were in those days. Then they drove me to the nearest airbase and I took a plane from there and made my way back to my squadron’s base eventually.” He answered.

“Did you get hurt?” another boy asked. Farrier hesitated before answering,

“Yeah, fractured my shoulder unfortunately, put me out of flying for six weeks. Got a load of cuts on me from the wooden wings splintering off too.” He gestured to some on his head. Finally, Collins knew where they were from. The lesson drew to a close too soon for Collins, who was genuinely curious about both the stories of war and the lesson topic, and they went on to their next lesson with Canfield.

The day dragged on and Farrier didn’t see Collins again until dinner time. He took his seat at the staff table as usual,

“Doing anything tonight then?” Canfield asked.

“Course not, it’s Thursday!” Farrier laughed. The group of officers all wished him a happy birthday, and of course Canfield let him get his food before anyone else.

“So how old do we think he is, then?” Wingnut bantered.

“Seriously?” Collins asked.

“Yeah, I reckon he’s nearing fifty.” The brunette answered.

“Nae I think he’d be near forty” Collins said.

“Well for good measure I guess I should say he’s in his mid forties then!” Dawson said.

“I’ll find oot later.” Collins mumbled.

“How?” Wingnut asked suggestively, earning him a puzzled look from both blondes.

“I’ll ask him, Wingnut.” Collins almost laughed.

And he did find out later, outside Farrier’s door.

“Had a good day?” the blonde asked. It was another one of their late night chats. Collins had been pondering Saturday’s happening, or not happening. He supposed he was somewhat annoyed, but the fact that they’d been that close to something overruled it.

Things had come and gone, going to the gym or jogging with his friends, going out celebrating, they didn’t do those things anymore. Collins didn’t draw as often, too much homework. Not enough time for things, too much work to be done, never the right mood. But there was always time for this, these stolen moments together at night when the world slept.

“Yeah it was alright, just classes as usual I guess.” Farrier smiled into the moonlight. The two were sat against the wall between their doors, they were both in their pyjamas, both comfortable enough to sit together in them, where once Collins had hated for anyone to see him in them.

“Collins, about Saturday. I’m sorry, really. I don’t know what I was thinking bringing you in there. But also I’m sorry for the way I spoke afterwards, it was harsh and well, downright rude.” Farrier said barely above a whisper. His eyes showed sorrow, he wasn’t just apologising so they could get on with each other’s company, he really did mean it.

“Oh, it’s fine. I understand why yae went off, I do. I pushed it.” He said, although he was still a little sore after being spoken to that way by Farrier, he knew the man wasn’t going to budge on what they could and couldn’t do, yet, and he’d pissed him off by trying to force something. The blonde elected to change the subject on the grounds of feeling like if they kept talking about it he might push Farrier too far again.

“Farrier, how old are yae?” he asked tentatively. The man smiled at him fondly.

“Forty.”

It hung in the air for a moment, the first time Collins had known how old Farrier was in all their months of knowing each other. He hummed as he processed it.

“Yeah, I’m old now.” Farrier chuckled.

“Nae, it’s a good age.” Collins replied, thinking that he’d guessed the closest out of his friends.

“Look good for forty, you do.” He added shyly. Farrier smiled at the floor in front of them, his cheeks a warm pink.

“Thank you” he said contentedly.

“Hang on, then you went to war at like sixteen!” Collins said, shocked.

“Yeah, almost everyone lied, didn’t seem to matter to anyone who knew my age.” Farrier scratched his head. Collins just sat for a moment. Farrier had been so young, and seen such things. It must have shown on his face.

“Hey” said Farrier, he placed a warm hand on Collins’ knee, counterintuitively to what he’d been apologising for not a few minutes ago.

“Don’t worry about it.” He said softly. The blonde’s eyes were full of emotion, as if something was lurking beneath the calm surface, he didn’t look like he wasn’t worrying about it.

“You were so young” was all Collins could manage.

“I know, but I’ve had years of rest from war, now I’m a man.” Farrier said, removing his hand. Collins immediately missed the warmth.

“So your crash you told us about, how old were you?” the blonde asked.

Farrier stared out into the hall and didn’t answer for a minute, he was trying to shake the image from his head. It was easier when you were telling a group, it was like some sort of elaborate and amusing story, and their reactions kept you from going inside yourself too much. But to just one person, it was much easier to go back down memory lane, and much harder to pull yourself away from it. He knew Collins didn’t mean anything by it, of course he was curious.

“Seventeen.” He eventually said. Farrier’s stomach was a pit of nerves now, the way the plane jerked his body around, no control over what was going to happen. It was terrifying, and it was all coming back now.

“Jesus Farrier.” Collins whispered. The lad didn’t look so chipper himself now.

“At seventeen I was at school, or helping ma and pa out at home, runnin’ newspapers around town. Not flying in war.” He said.

“I didn’t have a choice, country needed me, and the only person I had any real attachment to, Canfield, was going. I had to go with him.” Farrier said.

“You two really that close, he’s like a father to you, isn’t he.” Collins said.

“Sort of, I don’t think of him like a father, feels weird considering my relationship with my actual father. Me and Canfield, we clash a fair bit come to think of it, but he was there when I needed him to be.” Farrier replied, glad the subject had changed.

“He too old to fly now?” Collins asked, realising it sounded a bit rude aloud only after he said it.

“Yeah, he’s in the home reserves now.” Farrier answered.

“And thank god, he’d go down in his first sortie. His mind’s all there but not his body, I don’t think he’s got the sight or reflexes you need up there nowadays.” The brunette said. The two sat in silence for a while.

“How are your friends?” Farrier asked.

“Yeah good, cannae complain.” Collins replied.

“There’s a difficult set of lessons coming up.” Farrier said, but he wished he hadn’t, he wasn’t sure how to continue.

“Oh yeah?” Collins asked.

“Um, you know what, you’ll find out when they happen.” He said.

“Why’d you ask aboot my friends and then say that?” Collins pushed, somewhat confused.

Farrier sighed, why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut around Collins?  
“Basically, pilots need to be really stony when flying. If someone in your flight or squadron goes down, you can’t give it a second thought. It’s the class that all students hate, and I hate doing it too. Collins, we get you ready for loss.” Farrier explained.

“How can yae prepare someone for that?”

“Basically we just watch a whole lot of films, all true stories about passing. Some years people come in to talk to the class, other years not. It’s all to try and get you used to the idea of death.” He said.

“Donnae sound good.” Collins said,

“It isn’t. But it’s necessary. I know if half you lot don’t go through this stage of getting used to it, you’d not be able to handle war.” He said tensely.

“Thankfully, there aren’t many classes on it, but it’s implied that you better get used to not being too close to people, in case the unthinkable happens.” He said quietly, refusing to let his mind consider if something would ever happen to the blonde. Collins looked ahead and smiled,

“And that’s just another reason why nothin’s happening here, isn’t it.” His words were plain and simple.

“Yes.”

Farrier put his hand on Collins’ thigh, which was stronger than he’d imagined it to feel, he felt Collins tense under his touch.

“Collins, you have no _idea_ how much I want this, with you. No idea how hard it is for me to restrain myself, you… You’re… You’re beautiful.” Their eyes locked once more, but Farrier was sad.

“But it can’t happen, I fucking wish it could but it can’t.” he said, and removed his hand slowly. Collins couldn’t speak. He was completely enamoured by this man who, as much as he’d indirectly done it before, had just confessed feelings for him, for real, with actual words. Collins was unable to respond to the confession with one of his own, all that came out was,

“Yes it can.” Collins tried to say, but his voice wavered.

The brunette sighed,

“I can’t risk it. Something gets out, I’m done, we both are.” He said.

“Yae think it’s easy for me not to do anythin’ either? Think it's easy to keep these feelings contained? C’mon Farrier. Maybe, if, if there’s a release, we won’t be clawin’ at each other in public anymore, maybe we’ll be sated and it’ll be easier to contain.” the blonde said. Tentatively, ever so slowly his hand reached out and laid itself on Farrier’s thigh, as the man had done to him. it was warm, and strong under his touch.

“C’mon Farrier.” He said again in a much softer tone. Farrier rested his hand on Collins’.

“Don’t push me, Collins.” he said, trying to keep the want out of his voice.

“Push back.” Collins leaned in, but Farrier stood up quickly.

“Collins, this is serious. We can’t.” he said. The blonde stood up next to him and smiled a resigned smile,

“Happy birthday, Farrier.” Was all he said before disappearing into his bedroom, still not altogether fased by the man's words instead happy with the night's interactions as a whole.

Farrier sat up in his bed contemplating. What Collins said about containment and release, had actually made sense. The man didn’t know what to do anymore. It couldn’t go on like this. Touching in the hallway? Unreasonable beyond doubt, too dangerous. And Collins wouldn’t stop, Farrier knew that. He didn’t want him to stop, either. In fact, the way Collins flirted so fearlessly made him feel old beyond his years, like he needed to be more active about his affections before it was too late. It was dangerous, _so_ dangerous. But that feeling of Collins’ thigh under his hand tonight, even just the smell of that man drove Farrier wild, and in less innocent ways than he cared to admit. Yes, he fancied Collins, there was no denying that anymore. But the things he wanted to do with him, do _to_ him, were unspeakably illicit. He sighed and tried to drop the idea as he fell into light sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and supporting my fic, I love u all sm <3  
> Ironically chapter 40 is named 40 because Farrier was 40, wow should i type 40 one more time?  
> Anyway if anyone wants to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com  
> Until next chapter!


	41. Coming to a head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I missed upload Monday by 20 minutes, sorry. I hope everyone enjoys reading this one <3 (don't shoot me pls)  
> Trigger warning(s) in end notes.

Farrier had been avoiding Collins since his birthday last Thursday, it was Saturday now, ten days of trying to get the blonde out of his head. He hadn’t done this since early on in the lad’s training, but if he didn’t avoid him, Farrier was going to do something stupid. At the end of today was the first lesson of what Canfield liked to call ‘emotional training’. Everyone hated it but at least Collins got a heads up from him, Farrier thought to himself. He’d rather that than the lad go in with no clue what was happening like the rest of the cohort. Over breakfast that morning Canfield said something that disagreed with Farrier.

“Now I want you to come along to the class.”

“No. Why?”

“To make sure you’re fit to fly.”

“I am.” Farrier said shortly.

“Come on lad, if you’re fit to fly, come and prove it!” he said.

“No.”

“Why is it such a problem?” the old man asked,

“I don’t like going to those.” Farrier said, still not having made eye contact with anything but his cereal bowl.

“Tom, nobody does. You’re going, end of story.” The man said. Farrier scoffed but didn’t answer.

He did end up going, only because Canfield didn’t let him out of his sight, and stood over his shoulder as he sat in his office, clearly not going to leave until Farrier went to the damned class, so he did. But he wasn’t happy about it. Among the class of boys he saw Collins looking very tired. _Fuck_. He remembered last time he’d seen those circles under his eyes, it was when he was ignoring him after the uniform party. Now he just felt plain guilty, it was as if there was no way he could be safe now. Ignore Collins and the blonde would obviously take it out on himself, or at the very least not be able to sleep properly, most likely plagued with anxiety now the poor man. Or, Farrier could not ignore him, and something illegal and detrimental to his entire career could end up happening. He shook the thought and took a seat at the back of the class by himself. Canfield pulled the blinds down and put on some soppy thing about a dog and his owner, of course the dog died at the end. Farrier loved dogs, he’d always wanted one, but never got one. The film saddened him, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He looked around and some of the lads did in fact look a bit teary. He remembered when he was this soft, though it was so very long ago. Nowadays really he only cried about his own problems, selfish of him, Farrier thought. Not that he cried often either, only when he was drunk or in some depressive downwards spiral. Then Collins turned around to look at him, and in the dark room illuminated by the light from the projector he saw that his cheeks were stained with tears. It felt like someone had stabbed Farrier, he swallowed and looked down at the desk in front of him. Collins turned back around.

“You alright?” Dawson whispered.

“Yeah, yeah.” Collins answered taking a shaky breath. He was no good at this. He knew he was a bit soft, but he couldn’t help feeling things deeply. And he loved dogs. And Farrier was ignoring him again. It had been a long time since he’d done that. The blinds went back up and the projector was turned off, the sunlight temporarily blinding Collins’ blue eyes.

“Now, how did we all find that?” Canfield’s voice was too chipper for Collins’ liking. The older man looked around to see the lads looking unhappy for the most part.

“Well, this isn’t even a human, it was a dog!” he said, concerned they wouldn’t be emotionally ready at this rate.

“See? Farrier and I are fine, you lads best prepare yourselves for the next emotional training lesson, I want no tears!”

After Canfield wheeled the projector back to whatever storage it had come from the class departed.

“I’ll catch you guys up, yeah?” Collins said. He felt a little numb, and just wanted to sit quietly for a bit before leaving and collect his emotions. The room emptied itself around him, and Collins almost let out a sigh before he felt a pair of eyes on him. He turned around to see Farrier still sitting at the back, arms crossed and those worry lines ever-present.

“Collins, I think we should talk.” He said. A tiny part of Collins’ heart fluttered that this was probably Farrier’s bad apology coming his way after being ignored, but something stayed his mouth from answering something sensible.

“Fuck off.” The blonde said and pushed his chair out noisily from the desk.

“No!” said Farrier, and got up quickly after Collins. The blonde stormed quickly out of the room, he wasn’t getting off the hook that easy.

Collins had to teach himself to be hard? Then he’d walk away from Farrier, walk away instead of turning around and letting him explain. He needed to be hard? Then he’d stop his stupid ministrations and turn into a cut out of the perfect pilot, just the same as every other man, no emotions. Collins walked quickly up the stairs heading for his room, he almost made it to his door when Farrier grabbed his wrist.

“Collins. I’m serious.”

“So am I. Am not some plaything yae can go around dandy with and then when I piss yae off for whatever reason, not that I can think of one except bein’ fooken honest with my feelings, yae ignore me for a week and a half!” Collins shook his hand out of Farrier’s grip.

“Yae want us all to harden up? I will.” He said and slammed his door shut in the man’s face. Farrier exhaled and rested his forehead against the wood of Collins’ door.

Collins didn’t cry though, he almost had angry tears but he didn’t let them come to the surface, and for that he was proud of himself. He threw off his uniform and got into something comfortable, some huge warm knit jumper from his mother.

The brunette found his way into his room and lay down on the bed. He almost pulled out that bottle of alcohol from his drawer, but his pride stopped him. If Collins was going to act that way it was childish to drink to stop thinking about him. The blonde was having a hissy fit, something like that should be laughable, Farrier thought.

Collins wasn’t sure, in the end, exactly why it had annoyed him to see Farrier when he turned around in class, but it had. He supposed it was because he obviously thought Collins would forgive and forget, but it was harder this time. Now they’d had _almosts_ and _what ifs._ Collins had lost considerable sleep over the matter, maybe that contributed to his annoyance. Maybe it also contributed to his tears during the movie. He sat in his room and lost himself in thought until dinner.

“Hey mate, where’d you go?” Wingnut asked as they sat together.

“Ah, just wanted to be alone, yeah?” Collins answered.

 

“So, our group is starting the grief training.” Canfield told the table, the other officers groaned.

“Hate that we have to do that.” Davis said,

“Everyone does, but it can cause serious problems if you go to war unprepared, we know that, don’t we Farrier?” Canfield said, Farrier death stared him and didn’t say anything, in fact nobody at the table said anything after that.

“You men tried the Hurricanes?” Farrier asked after a while, they all had, and all thought they were magnificent. Eventually dinner drew to a close, and Collins couldn’t get out of there quick enough. He just wasn’t in the mood to deal with Farrier right now, whether he was going to keep ignoring him or try to make it up to him. Collins sat sulking in his room, his friends knew something was up, but he didn’t care either. The blonde just wanted to be alone, maybe draw some pictures in the rarity that was free time nowadays, most nights he had homework unfortunately. Mostly just reading to do, but still. Tonight he sat up in bed doodling until his hand was sore. It had somewhat soothed his temper from earlier, so Collins decided to brave the corridor to draw out there like he used to before it had become solely to see Farrier there. He walked out into the hall, not even having changed out of his clothes yet into pyjamas, to draw. He knew Farrier would probably come out there at some point, but he genuinely just wanted to draw there, the change of view from his room was nice.

 

Farrier knew he’d hurt Collins’ feelings, but the current situation was royally fucked and he knew it was all his fault, he was just so awful with his feelings it always ended up coming across rude or cold. He was so, so bad with expressing himself, he hated that this had happened because of him. Maybe he should go and think over properly how he was going to deal with the situation, because he sure as hell couldn’t leave it like this. Leaving his uniform trousers on, he shrugged on a turtleneck and put his flying boots on, reminding himself to call them flying boots and not slippers in his head now. He took a breath and opened his door to see Collins drawing in his little book. Farrier watched as the pencil in his hand stopped moving as Collins noticed Farrier’s presence.

“Where yae goin’?” Collins asked without turning around. Maybe this was the time, Farrier thought. Maybe he should take Collins to his thinking spot, perhaps it would quell whatever happened between them. He sighed and waited for Collins to turn around, when he did so he looked tired, and mildly annoyed still.

“Get some shoes on, I’ll show you.” Farrier said. Collins slowly closed his sketchbook and gave Farrier a quizzical look before walking back into his room. He emerged again minus his book, plus his shoes. Collins couldn’t deny the way he relished being around Farrier, even though he was trying not to be nice to him, it was hard not to be. The man in his doorway looked warm and welcoming. The blonde swallowed as he shut his bedroom door behind him and looked nervously at the man in front of him, he knew he’d forgive him now, even if he didn’t want to Collins wouldn’t be able to keep his front up now.

“Come on.” Farrier said, and led the way. Collins fell into step next to him. They walked downstairs and out to the back of the building through the changerooms. The pair walked through the long unkempt grass behind the hangars and out to the very last shed, and Farrier sat down. Collins joined him in the cool grass,

“What’s this place for?”

“Me. And now it’s for you, too.” Farrier said into the open air. Collins followed the man’s gaze over the fields ahead of them, the way the moonlight lit up the long grass as slivers of silver beneath the deep blue of the night sky.

“Why bring me here?” he probed, anger gone at last.

“One, you asked where I was going. Two, I felt ready to show someone my place. Sounds kind of weird that I come out here to sulk, dunnit.” Farrier let out a single laugh, the tips of Collins’ mouth turned upwards,

“But I do. I come here to think, I have been for years. It’s just somewhere nobody else comes, and it’s peaceful here, makes me forget my problems, just for a little while.” Farrier turned to the blonde and smiled. Collins smiled back.

“Am I a problem you come here to forget? He asked, his smile remaining but his insides had all but melted into an anxious mess. Farrier looked down at the grass in front of him, it had begun to grow back a bit from his incessant need to pull it out since he was last here, but nonetheless he pulled out a new chunk to fiddle with.

“Sort of” he mumbled. Collins’ heart sank again.

“Okay.” The blonde said, and began to stand.

“No, please” Farrier said quickly,

“Please stay.”

Collins sat back down tentatively.

“I meant, I come here when I don’t know what to do, I suppose. Like now, I was going to come here by myself to think about how to solve whatever’s happening between us.” Farrier said carefully.

Collins sighed.

“Sorry fer goin’ off at yae before Farrier.” He said, somewhat surprising himself with the statement.

“I would have if I were you” Farrier smiled.

“Look, Collins.” the brunette turned himself to face the blonde more.

“I’m really awful with my feelings, okay? I don’t know how to deal with them, nor do I know how to express them. I’m sorry for the past week, more than week actually. Since my birthday.” Farrier sighed, Collins looked at him in sadness.

“It’s just, I can’t ignore you anymore that’s for sure, I couldn’t sleep properly the whole time, not that it’s a new concept for me, but even more so than usual I couldn’t rest. And look at you, look at the circles under your eyes, lad. Clearly you’ve had the same problem.” He said, Collins blinked wearily,

“Aye.” He said quietly.

“And, I’m scared of what will happen if I don’t ignore you…” he said, more quietly. Collins looked at him,

“Scared?” he repeated,

“Yes, I’m scared.” Farrier said again. Admitting that he was scared to someone other than Canfield was very new territory for Farrier.

“But, we coulda done something here, now. Nobody would have ever known Farrier.” Collins shuffled closer to him.

“Collins, don’t.” Farrier managed, but his expression didn’t mirror his words.

“Just this once, perhaps.” Collins said.

“Collins, can’t we just _be_? Just be how it was before, where we both know what’s happening, and that’s it?” Farrier said.

“I want more.” The blonde said plainly. Farrier sighed,

“You think I don’t? You can’t seem to grasp how incredibly dangerous this is, Collins. Do you know how sure I am that nobody saw us come here? Completely, because I checked, paranoidly so. You didn’t look around once to make sure we weren’t being followed. Even just sitting here together is dangerous. Every time we’re out in the hall, I have my ears pricked listening for a creak up the hall, a footstep, I doubt you do the same, lad.” Collins looked down,

“I want so much more than what we are now Collins, more than you’ll ever know. But we can’t.” Farrier said.

The man wasn’t very good at resisting Collins’ puppy eyes. He wasn’t sure if the blonde knew when he was doing it or not either, which was maddening. He almost leaned in, but stopped himself before the thought became an action.

“Fuck!” he said aloud.

Farrier rested his head in his hands and looked away from Collins. This was so wrong, not only was he torturing himself but Collins as well. And what if he’d let something it happen? Then how would he hide it?

 

“Why don’t yae just do it?” Collins said quietly. Suddenly the air was colder, the atmosphere thinner, the mood, if there was any, was gone.

 

“I can’t.” Farrier looked at Collins again, Farrier hated this rut they were stuck in, and there was seemingly no way to solve it.

“You know it’ll be better off if yae do, no more tension because you’ve got what yae want. It’ll be even better hidden from everyone around because there’ll be no actin’ nervous or flirty or anythin’! No need when we can have what we want away from their prying eyes.” Collins explained, aware his words probably sounded superfluous.

“No. I need to go to bed, so do you. I’m not partaking in illegal activities just because it might ease our situation.” Farrier said, Collins almost chuckled. Farrier stood up and began to walk off.

Collins huffed and rested his head against the metal of the shed. He wanted anything but sleep right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): Mention of animal death, mention of sadness/depression, implied/referenced alcohol abuse, mentions of PTSD
> 
> Can you feel things getting closer?? Hope nobody is too mad that I cut the chapter where I did heh.  
> As always thank you so so much for the wonderful kudos and comments, I seriously love hearing what everyone thinks of my writing, and I'm always shocked at how positive the responses are from you all <3
> 
> If anyone wants to chat my tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com !
> 
> Until next chapter!


	42. Can't End Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another chapter, feels like I uploaded like a day ago hahaha  
> Hope everyone has a good week ahead of them!  
> Trigger warning(s) in end notes.

Collins left the base after a long mental debate of whether to or not, he decided that since he hadn’t for so long he should. Why not? He walked around the Gatwick area until he’d found some pub called ‘The Golden Deer’. Everyone at base seemed to go to there, judging from conversations overheard at dinner, not that Collins would really know, being more of a stay-in-and-talk-to-Farrier kind of guy. He walked in and immediately wasn’t so sure he should have, Anderson, Charles and Johnson were there. The ringleader spotted him,

“Oh, hi Collins!” Anderson said in a friendly way. Immediately Collins remembered why he’d hung around with them that night, he was nice to you when he wanted to be, really nice in fact, just really rude otherwise.

“Uh, hiya.” Collins said nervously.

“How are ya?” Anderson held out a hand to shake,

“Yae not bad, you?” Collins asked, trying to shake his hand firmly, but not too firmly. It was such a strange concept, shaking hands. It has to be perfect, too soft and you were a poof, too hard and you were overbearing.

“No buddies tonight?” the brunette asked,

“Nae, just me tonight.” Collins answered.

“That’s alright, you can hang around with us if ya like.”

“Yeah, sure” Collins tried to make it sound convincing. He didn’t really know what he’d planned to do once he was out, he’d gotten so used to staying in. he supposed he’d get some drinks and just listen to the music and chat to Anderson and friends.

 

Farrier didn’t know what to feel. Angry at himself? Definitely. Angry at Collins? Impossible, the boy was just too pure, like a puppy that had done something wrong but was too cute to be mad at. Plus he couldn’t hold his anger towards Collins for repeated attempts to initiate something when he himself could barely keep his hands off the blonde. He huffed and lit a cigarette, smoking in bed. He wished there was someone useful to confide in, Canfield would never understand the predicament and would just get angry and probably weirded out at the mere concept. James was either too out of it or just too… _James_ to be of any use most of the time. Farrier considered himself a walking contradiction, telling Collins to stop, but not being able to himself.

 

As Collins was up at the bar getting himself a drink, Anderson walked back to the table his friends were at.

“He’s a gay, ya know?” he said quietly.

“Ugh, you sure?” Johnson asked.

“Yep. He’s interested in old man Farrier!” Anderson stifled a laugh, Charles grimaced.

“You gonna make some fun out of it then?” Charles asked,

“Yeah maybe.” Anderson answered.

“It’s so wrong, should do something more than have fun, should bloody punish him.” Johnson said,

“I mean, I would but we’re in a busy bar mate.” Anderson said, Collins began to walk back over.

“Collins! Long time since we’ve had a good chat mate!” Johnson said with a smile,

“Aye, how’ve yae been?” the blonde asked sipping the froth off his pint.

“Good, good. Yourself?” he asked, Collins raised his eyebrows and nodded in response as he drank the cool liquid down.

“Good music tonight, don’t you think?” Charles asked Collins in his typically thoughtful sounding way. Collins hadn’t really taken notice of it until the man mentioned it, and it _was_ good. Something on a clarinet, sounded nice.

“Aye, it is. Few more drinks I might go have a dance.” Collins mumbled, he hadn’t for so long, needed to get back into practice. Dancing was something he loved doing but rarely did, rarely had the time nowadays, as with most things it seemed.

“You lot no’ drinkin’?” he asked,

“Nah not tonight mate.” Anderson replied.

 

Farrier was tired, he only rarely noticed just how exhausted he got from teaching, most of the time he just kind of went on and didn’t think about himself or his wellbeing too much, Canfield always pestered him about not caring for himself enough. But now, as he lay relaxing, he realised how tired he was. He’d had worse than usual sleeps this past week or so, more restless, more bad dreams, more. Over the years Farrier had picked up on the fact that he had more flashbacks and bad dreams when he was in a negative headspace, which made sense of course. He tried to think of what would make him feel happier, and only two things came to mind, flying and Collins. That thought alone made him sad, there should be more things than that. He couldn’t fly in any planes here, none were equipped for night flying, and he of course couldn’t do anything with Collins. He didn’t want to play chess, didn’t want to read, didn’t want to go out, couldn’t fly, he just wanted to be with Collins, didn’t even care if it wasn’t romantically. He sighed and put the cigarette out.

 

After some idle chit chat and a few more sips of the pint Collins went over for a dance. There were a few others doing it already so he didn’t feel too strange as the movements flowed through him again. It all came back quickly, he’d done it enough that he couldn’t really get that out of practice, the moves always came back.

 

“You boys ready?” Anderson said and pulled out a tiny bottle of liquid, he unscrewed the dropper lid.

“Sure am.” Charles said,

“Yeah” Johnson seconded.

“Wait. I know what we should do.” Anderson smirked towards Collins’ direction.

“He’s been drinking, can’t give someone opium when they’ve been drinking mate, that’s what you told us!” Johnson said,

“Well first of all this batch is a little spiced up. It’ll be more fun lads, in a kind of colourful, visual way ya know?” Anderson said,

“And yeah I know I’m not meant to give someone any of it if they’ve been drinking, can cause unconsciousness,” Anderson smiled and let a few drops fall into Collins’ drink,

“Respiratory failure,” another drop,

“Seizures,” another drop,

“Comas,” a fourth drop,

“And even death, in extreme cases.” A fifth and final drop, and then a squirt from the eyedropper for good measure. The boys were all smiling at his despicable actions.

“Among the other side effects of having that much opium by itself, goodness!” Anderson laughed at the amount he’d put in the drink. “You’re not planning to kill him are you?” Charles asked, genuinely scared.

“No! Am I a murder? I just want him to have fun tonight!” Anderson said sarcastically, Charles didn’t look so convinced.

“Mate, he won’t die. He just won’t have a good time yeah? It’s fine, he deserves it.” Anderson said. The blonde sighed.

“Alright. S’pose he does deserve it, homosexuals. God doesn’t want them, we don’t want them, nobody does.” He said.

“There’s the spirit, lad!” Anderson smiled.

“Except the other homosexuals” Johnson laughed in response to Charles’ statement,

“Don’t give me images, boys” Anderson chuckled.

“Right, not too much boys, yeah? This wasn’t cheap, and I wasn’t expecting you know who to arrive tonight.” He said as he passed the bottle around.

 

Farrier had realised over all this time, that it _was_ his decision. He had the power to decide what to do with Collins, the thought had been vaguely in his mind for a while but he hadn’t really addressed it. If he really wanted Collins to go away, he’d put his foot down, and properly. And if he didn’t want that, which he obviously didn’t, he had the power to initiate something. But that thought haunted him, it was bigger than any risk in a plane he’d taken in his opinion, in the air you either got out fine, got out injured, in which case eventually you’d probably recover, or you got out dead. If homosexual activity ever got out, Farrier would never be able to be employed with a criminal record like that, Collins wouldn’t either. It would be like living in hell. But Farrier was doing that now by resisting what he wanted. He sighed and wracked his brain for a magical solution.

 

Collins was getting very warm dancing, but the music was so good, and everyone else here was swing dancing too so it made him feel like he belonged, something thus far he’d only felt about the RAF. Collins wasn’t that good at being in groups, he was an outsider and preferred being alone. But dancing usually made him forget about that, it helped him stay in the moment, made him feel social for once. Finally the band stopped, announcing they were taking a break. Collins wearily walked back to the table with the boys.

“Well done, lad!” Anderson said, patting the blonde’s back.

“Aye, cheers.” Collins breathed and picked up his beer, he drank thirstily. Anderson watched his Adam’s apple bob as he drank and the boys exchanged subtly pleased looks around the table. He only put the drink down when it was almost empty. Then Collins took his seat at the table.

“So yer not dancin’, not drinkin’. What are yae all here for?” the scot laughed. Panic must have shown on Johnson’s face because Collins cocked his head, Anderson quickly answered,

“Isn’t it obvious?” Collins shook his head,

“The ladies, of course!” Anderson laughed,

“Ah, the only good reason right lads?” he said,

“That’s right my boy, that’s right.” Anderson said, maintaining threatening eye contact with the blonde. Collins glared back at him but then decided it wasn’t worth it and finished his beer.

“So you all lookin’ to pick a bird up tonight?” he asked.

“Maybe, nice just to look as well.” Charles answered.

“Are you?” Johnson asked Collins,

“Ah me, hadn’t planned on it but if you lads are, sure” he smiled. Anderson noted the man’s foot tapping under the table. Collins wasn’t exactly thrilled with the prospects of fake flirting, but he had to in order to protect his secret, which Anderson probably knew, considering the altercation they had at the uniform party. Maybe if he was convincing enough Anderson would believe he was heterosexual, or at least bisexual. They went up to the bar where most of the ladies were chatting. The three boys easily slipped into conversation with the lasses, though Anderson was giving Collins the side eye, watching him. This was a test, and Collins assumed something bad would be at the end if he didn’t find a woman. He spotted one off to the side by herself, quite skinny with dark hair. He wandered over, attempting to swallow his nerves but to no avail. At least he had a silver tongue when under pressure.

“Hiya,” he said with a small smile. The woman downed the rest of whatever was in her glass.

“Hi yourself,” she smiled.

“Been up to much tonight?” he asked, taking the bar seat next to her.

“Oh, not really. Hold on, were you dancing before?” a glint in her brown eyes,

“Aye?”

“I was on stage, I saw you.” She said with a shy smile.

“Oh, you were playing the clarinet, sorry I dinnae notice sooner!” Collins said,

“You’re a good player” he smiled, genuinely.

“You’re a good dancer. What do I call you?” she asked,

“Co- Jack.” He said, she looked a little confused,

“Cohjack?” Collins let a laugh escape his lungs. He was actually feeling fine now, better than. It was as if this was one of the most stimulating conversations he’d ever had.

“Jack. I’m actually in the air force, we use last names there, just a habit. Nearly said my last name instead of my first, sorry.” He said.

“Oh are you now? Do you fly?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m still in trainin’. Anyway yae didn’t tell me your name, lass.” He said.

“My names Stella.” She held out her hand with a shy smile. Collins took it and held eye contact as he kissed it gently. He could feel Anderson still watching, he had to be convincing. They continued talking, Collins felt bad, he was sure Stella was becoming interested in him for more than his chatter, but he just kept up the flirty conversation, not really willing to do anything more. He turned and noticed Anderson and his mates peering over more than a few times but tried his best to ignore them.

“So yae want another drink Stella?” he eventually asked,

“Oh, yes please.” She said the name of some obscure sounding drink, Collins ordered it and another pint for himself, the drink came and it was pink, he didn’t question it and gave it to the lass.

“Thank you Jack” she smiled. The fact that he wasn’t used to hearing his own first name was a very weird concept indeed. Stella was nice, Collins was enjoying her company a lot, in a platonic way. He thought she was physically attractive even though he was interested in men, and he liked that she was bold, she wasn’t some weak lass that only spoke when spoken to, In fact she reminded Collins of Lucy, the female Air Transport Auxiliary pilot he’d met. Both were confident women, and able to have a good laugh with. Collins learnt a decent amount about Stella, how she’d studied music all through school and now she was finally in a band and was loving it. How she loved to cook but wasn’t all that good at it, how she wished for the depression to end because it had forced her, her bandmates and another entire band into living together just to be able to pay for everything. In turn, she learnt about Collins’ heritage in the north, his love of the outdoors and of art, she learnt about some of his flying experience, little as it was, and how the depression in Scotland was the main reason (or so he said) that he’d come down here.

It wasn’t long after he’d finished his second pint that Collins began to feel a little drowsy. It was odd, usually alcohol woke him up and it was only when he’d had a very large amount that the drowsy effects caught up with him, not two pint’s worth, that and the drowsiness had come on surprisingly fast.

“Look at him, god the poor girl, and he had to pick the ugliest one in the bar didn’t he!” Anderson chuckled to Johnson who smirked in Collins’ direction.

“He’s trying, at least”

“It’s all an act mates, can see straight through it.” Charles said. They’d been conversing with several women each over the night, not really caring enough about any of them to have decent conversation.

“Our boy looks a bit tired, let’s get him away from that girl.” Anderson said and walked up to Collins.

“Collins my boy, care for a game of cards with me and the lads?” he asked, putting a hand on Collins’ shoulder in anything but a friendly manner.

“Yae alright, Stella I’ll talk to you in a bit yeah?” he said.

“Sure, enjoy your game boys.” She smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): Homophobia, drug use, drink spiking.
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone, I hope it wasn't boring or anything lol (I like writing chapters that focus on plot other than romance but I know they're not for everyone, esp since I'm dragging everything out this much lmao)  
> Thank you for all your lovely comments and kudos, I'm always happy to see my work appreciated.  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r if anyone wants to chat!  
> Until next chapter, happy reading!


	43. Overdose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to upload a second chapter this week because I'm feeling like it. I thought it was Wednesday for a while today, but I now know it's Friday so I can't call it a mid week upload, so have an end of week upload instead. (you guys won't like this one)  
> Trigger warning(s) in end notes!!!!!!!!!!

The four men walked back to the table, Collins trailing slightly behind. When they sat Collins couldn’t be gladder, he felt like his legs would give out if he took a single step more. He turned around to see Stella being ushered by a group, at first he was worried but upon realising it was her band and that her break was probably over, he turned back to the table.

“So, cards?” Collins asked.

“Yeah,” Anderson said and got them out. He dealt them out but Collins was having trouble differentiating the card suits.

“Alright there?” Anderson asked upon seeing Collins staring intently at his cards,

“Yeah, vision’s a bit funny.” He mumbled. Anderson didn’t risk a smile around the table, but as he made eye contact with his friends they all knew he was happy, and so were they. Not only was Collins unable to tell the diamonds and hearts apart and the clubs and spades apart, but the patterns on the cards were _moving_. He shook one of the cards slightly and the red blobs, he didn’t even try and decide if they were diamonds or hearts, moved as he shook it, he put the hand of cards down.

“Fuck,” he mumbled and rested his head on his hands, elbows on the table.

“What is it mate?” Charles asked,

“Feel bad” the scot answered. Nobody answered him.

“Let’s just sit for a while then,” Anderson collected the cards back and shoved them in his coat inside pocket. As Collins had his head down Anderson chanced a smirk around the table, returned by both Charles and Johnson. After a minute or so more of Collins trying to concentrate on not falling asleep and trying to ignore the faint patterns that were appearing behind his eyelids, he pulled his head up and sat up properly. He looked around the room and the corners of everything looked sharper than usual, unfriendly, uninviting. He felt like he didn’t want to be here anymore, but didn’t think he was well enough to get up, he had no idea what was causing him to feel like this. The blonde was somewhat aware that the table wasn’t doing anything because of him, but he couldn’t react. Anderson was surprised by the pupils of Collins’ eyes, not realising it would be this severe this early on, he could barely make out the boy’s pupils at all in the dim light, they were so pinpoint.

It delighted him to see Collins struggle.

The scot let his head fall back and he stared at the ceiling, he was terrified. He felt half paralysed, he could breathe, he could blink, he could sit, sort of. Maybe he was fine and he was being lazy, he thought. It was almost like he just didn’t want to, or couldn’t be bothered talking, so he decided to try,

“Wha’s happenin’?” he asked nobody in particular, it was so slurred he wasn’t sure they understood him, especially with his accent. He slumped forwards again, he was so tired. He still saw strange patterns while his eyes were shut, not knowing why or where they came from. It was like a kaleidoscope, but it was scary, the shapes melded together and pulled apart from each other at the same time, they were simple, yet infinitely intricate.

He looked around the table and to Collins' sheer horror, the faces of the people around him were slowly melting into liquid. Their eye sockets drooping down their cheeks and their skulls showing underneath, their eyeballs falling out. He looked back down at the wood of the table, at least it didn’t have a face on it, the patterns went with the wood grain, as if it was water running in a wood coloured river. He tried to speak again,

“Boys what’s happenin’” he said, more clearly.

“Dunno mate, stay sitting down yeah?” Anderson said. Collins nodded and looked at him, his face was normal again. The blonde was scared witless. Collins turned his attention to his hands in front of him as they lay palms down on the surface of the table, they began sinking into it as he looked at them, he blinked and they were back on top of the wood, but as he continued to look they sank again. It seemed the only option was to close his eyes. He pushed his body back in his chair and his arms flopped down to his sides. Charles smirked to Anderson and nodded in the direction of the door, Anderson nodded in agreement.

“Collins, mate we’re leaving now. Have a good night yeah?” Anderson said in a very happy voice, the blonde's eyes snapped open and he reached a hand out in the air as the three walked away, Anderson popped his collar to prepare for the coldness of the night outside, and lingered at the table a second longer.

“Sorry Collins, nothing personal yeah? Just the way it has to be.” he said, before walking off. Collins didn’t really process what the brunette had told him, but he was even more terrified now he was alone. The music began to playagain  but it sounded haunting, echoing and distant. He looked over to Stella at the front again with her clarinet, desperately wanting to reach out to her. But he looked again and she had melded into her clarinet, they were one object, and then suddenly she was a porcelain doll playing complete with cracks in the porcelain, which was deeply disturbing. He looked back at the table and tried to take a deep breath. But he couldn’t. Only small ones. His lungs weren't opening up to breathe as they should. Collins looked at his watch to check the time but the hands had disappeared and the numbers weren’t in order, very unhelpful he thought, even in his overdosed state. He assumed only ten minutes or so had passed since he stopped talking with Stella, in reality it had been almost an hour.

 

Farrier put his book away for the night, and it was an actual book this time instead of a manual. As much as he enjoyed daydreaming in bed, more and more his thoughts turned to Collins, and was unable to keep the blonde out of his mind. The solution? To read books until his brain was too tired to think, and then sleep. It didn’t work well, his mind was wandering away to Collins every page or so, but if Canfield wanted him to read, he’d try. Miraculously Farrier got to sleep before midnight, still plagued with guilt over what he’d said to Collins, still wishing he’d hear the blonde’s door open and they could chat in the hall and make up for the little argument, but somehow he slept.

Overly aware he probably looked like a madman slouching just about sideways in a chair alone, Collins braved standing up to make it to a booth around the edge of the pub as not to be right in the middle of everything. As he stood everything shifted and blurred, his head light, he could only make out what he was directly looking at, everything else was unrecognisable and dark. He walked slowly to an empty booth, it felt like his feet weren’t touching the ground as he walked, as if he might have been imagining walking altogether. When he reached the red leather booth, to his disgust it wasn’t red leather, it was bleeding flesh. He reeled back and found his table again, the only safe place in the bar it seemed. His stomach wasn’t feeling so good now, it felt like there was something buzzing around inside it. He was going to be sick, frantically Collins looked around to find the WC sign, hoping it wasn’t an illusion when he did see it. He walked as fast as he was willing, not feeling anything but air in his hand as he pushed the door open, as if it was an imaginary door which was very worrying. He made it to the cubicle which he prayed was real, and shut the door just in time, not that he heard the loud slam it made, just silence in it’s place. Collins threw up into the bowl of the toilet, but he perceived it to be red blood. He wiped his mouth and stood focusing on breathing. His throat wheezed as he breathed and suddenly the walls of the cubicle were breathing with him. He squeezed his eyes shut and they prickled with tears. As he pushed his weight back into the closed door behind him it hit him, what Anderson had said. _He’d done this to Collins._  He didn't know what exactly Anderson had done, but he was confident he'd caused it, the blonde felt his lower lip tremble, unsure out of sadness or fear, most likely both. His heart quivered then. It beat erratically, Collins almost fainted from shock but thankfully it righted itself. He almost fell over opening the door of the cubicle thinking there was a step where there wasn’t. Then Collins saw himself in the mirror. He looked normal at first glance, but as he walked closer he saw how small his pupils were and that spooked him. Upon even closer inspection it appeared that his skin was dancing in patterns, he poked his cheek and the pattern disappeared for a second where he’d touched but began soon after his finger had gone. This was a hellish night. He checked his watch again and this time there was an actual time on it. 00:35. Collins wasn’t sure if that was the true time or if it was another illusion, because last time he was able to check the time it had been around 22:00. He supposed it could make sense, just didn’t seem that long. He walked away from the mirrors and towards the door leading back into the rest of the pub, but then,

“Collins?” it was Farrier. The blonde turned in shock and the room was empty.

“Farrier?” he asked, nothing.

“I’m here.” The voice was in his head, the boy realised.

“Why are yae in my head?” he asked aloud.

“Farrier, are yae dead?” he whispered, beginning to hyperventilate.

“No.” came the voice. Loud and slightly grounding to Collins, only slightly.

“I need help” Collins whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and trying not to feel his heart convulse again and trying not to hear the awful wheeze his lungs were making.

“Yes you do need help, you’ll never be a good pilot at this rate.” The voice said,

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t my fault!” Collins said, choking on air.

“Oh well, it’s too late now I suppose. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine in ground crew, it’s not so bad you know.” The voice said, sounded more distant now.

“But I’m a good flier! And it was Anderson who did it!” Collins said, bracing himself against the sink.

“Blaming other students? I guess you’ll have to be expelled, unfortunately.” Farrier said. Collins’ knees buckled under him and he kneeled on the floor next to the sink.

“Yae cannae do that.” He said calmly, he knew Farrier didn’t have the authority to expel students.

“I just did, you’re not in your uniform are you.” the man's voice said. Collins looked at his arms, and he wasn’t in his uniform, Farrier must have truly taken it away and put him in normal clothes. Collins had forgotten that he arrived at the pub in normal clothes, having changed at base. He took in the fact that he wasn’t in the RAF anymore, he was just a lost boy now. He decided he’d just have to go back to base and beg. Collins got up and Farrier’s voice said,

“Don’t bother coming back.” As if he’d heard Collins idea.

At this Collins finally began to cry. He doubled over and let his tears out. It hurt, especially coming from Farrier, especially knowing how close they were already. He sat with his back against the wall in the corner. He wiped his face and his hands were wet with, he thought it was tears but it looked red. He was crying blood, or so he thought. Desperately he tried to stop, concerned with crying all his blood away, frantically hyperventilating again. He eventually pushed his way out of the bathroom and was greeted with more people than he remembered being in the bar. All their faces melted away and Collins stared at the floor, which was wobbling and falling away in places now, making walking extremely difficult. He ran out of the bar as fast as he could, Stella was still playing at the front, but her arms and head were detached and floating a few inches away from her body, someone had pulled the porcelain doll apart. A fleeting thought of sympathy for the pain she must have gone through, and then Collins was out the door. Outside was very dark, he could barely make out the street in front of him, and good thing too because when Collins looked across the road into the shadows there were monsters.

He ran down the street, but he couldn’t be sure if he really was running because everything was moving so slowly around him, and he couldn’t feel the ground again, so maybe he was just slowly hovering down the road. He checked his watch again and it was completely white now.

“Time’s up” he mumbled to himself, his interpretation of the blank face. It was as if everything was up, as if he was on the edge of falling into nothing. But then the ground was on his cheek, he’d fallen over. It felt cool, but it was moving, rippling against his skin, _crawling_ against it. He lay there for a decent while, his vision was completely black but he could feel himself blinking, his eyes had failed. He could hear himself wheezing with every breath. His heart was palpitating again, and Collins thought he was dying.

Suddenly his vision returned, so fast it scared him, but he was still alive and conscious. When he felt able he got up but was almost sick again so the blonde just stood for a while. It was scary staying still, it felt like the dark monsters were watching him. At least the patterns had stopped for now. He felt his face and pulled bits of bitumen off it. Deciding against running, Collins walked along the footpath, but then realised he wasn’t sure he was going the right way. He panicked but didn’t have a map on him, he saw a phone box and tried to call the base, but there were no buttons on the phone, or so he interpreted. He kept walking, shivering, trying to breathe properly, trying to walk through the pain his heart and lungs were causing him.

After wandering the dark streets, Collins found the airbase. It must have been his intuition that led him here through whatever trip he was experiencing. He knocked but then checked his watch. This time he could see it, albeit colours reversed. 02:48. He ran across the road, or did he float, to the phone box. This time he remembered they need coins to work, and luckily he had some. He couldn’t make out what they were so he shoved some in hoping to get lucky. He dialled the number, known off by heart thank whatever god there was, into this phone which thankfully did have buttons. It began to ring and his heart fluttered, although the fluttering didn’t stop and Collins soon recognised it as heart palpitations. They began to get very painful.

“RAF Gatwick?” a crackly and sleepy sounding voice, but unmistakably Farrier, came through.

“Fuck, Farrier I’m sorry. Yae gotta let me back into the RAF, I’m too good to expel, please Farrier!” he wheezed and begged, as if the rest of his life depended on how convincing he was on this phone call.

“What? You’re not expelled Collins, what the fuck are you doing out there? I’ll let you in.” he said,

You expelled me just then! When we spoke in the pub!” Collins wheezed into the telephone, attempting to yell but sounding more like he was tearing his own vocal cords.

“What the fuck? I’ve not been to a pub, and I didn’t expel you. Collins, I’m going to hang up and let you in now.” Farrier said,

“No don’t go!” Collins wheezed.

“Why? You need to come inside. What’s wrong Collins?” he asked, it sounded irritated but worried, and Farrier was extremely worried, what was wrong with the lad's voice? and why did he think they'd spoken in a pub for god's sake?

“I cannae breath properly, and I think the shadows are comin’ tae get me” he said. He heard Farrier swear on the other end of the line,

“Collins stay in the phone box okay? Don’t put the phone down.” He said,

“Right” Collins breathed. He held the phone for comfort as Farrier got his flight boots-come-slippers on as quickly as possible and ran downstairs. Collins couldn’t handle it. He dropped the phone and opened the door of the telephone box, there was no air in there and he was going to suffocate. As he stepped out he took a deep breath or air, a deep wheezing breath that went straight to his head and dizzied him. He walked across the road to the steps of the base and collapsed. His breathing was getting worse and his vision was spotted with black. He could _feel_ the monsters watching him, and all he could hope was that he really hadn’t been expelled, that the phone call was real. Now his heart felt like it was beating out of his chest.

The door opened quickly and Farrier was there.

“Fuck Collins, what happened?” he ran to him, Collins was on the cold steps, he shuffled away from Farrier and looked terrified.

“Get away!” he yelled as a figure approached him. Farrier didn’t know what was going on, but Collins’ eyes didn’t look normal.

“It’s me!” he said.

“You’re just one of them!” Collins said, pointing out into the street at nothing.

“Collins. It’s Farrier. If I’m one of 'them', how do I know your name?” he said. Collins thought this was valid enough,

“Oh, Farrier” he breathed, but it came out as more of a wheeze, his chest was heaving and he was looking around like a madman.

“Let me help you” Farrier said quickly, he was clearly frightened by the situation, but even in Collins’ messed up state he knew Farrier was putting on the calm front he used while flying. It was a stress handling mechanism, it seemed, that all the best pilots had. He helped Collins up the stairs, slinging one of the lad’s arms around his own shoulders.

“Collins, what did you take?” Farrier asked.

“Nothin’ knowingly, it was Anderson.” he mumbled, before losing consciousness entirely.

“Canfield!” Farrier yelled into the building as he lay Collins in the recovery position. He wasn’t going in there, he couldn’t leave Collins alone. He searched the blonde’s pocket and found some coin, running across the road he used the phone box. He called base and after too many rings, Canfield finally picked up.

“RAF Gatwick” he said tiredly.

“Canfield, get outside now.” Farrier said frantically.

“Farrier, why?” the man said yawning.

“It’s Collins. He’s on the doorstep, he’s been drugged. He's unconscious, he was seeing things, I don't think he can breathe properly, I don’t know what’s happening. I couldn’t go inside and leave him, I just ran across the street to the phone box, I’m watching him but I need your help.” Farrier said, Canfield could hear the wobble in his voice.

“Goodness, I’ll be right down. Get back to the lad.” And then the phone was hung up. Farrier raced back across the road, Collins was still unconscious, his breathing was rattling. Farrier put two fingers to his neck, a very fast and uneven pulse. But thank goodness there was one.

“Oh no” Canfield said as he appeared in his dressing gown.

“What happened to him?” Canfield asked,

“He doesn’t know, from what I gather.” Farrier said. The older man sighed,

“He’s spending a night in the infirmary. You try and get him up, I’ll go wake the nurses.” And off Canfield went to the small brick building around the side of the base.

“Collins, come on Collins. Please” Farrier said quietly. He didn’t know how to wake an unconscious person. He tried shaking Collins a little and it didn’t work, this was terrifying. Collins was so cold.

“Collins, please wake up!” Farrier was almost crying. He clasped the blonde’s freezing hands together in his and tried to warm them. Then Finally Collins coughed, took a huge wheezing breath in, and woke up a little. He looked up at Farrier with scared blue eyes and pinpoint pupils.

“Come on,” Farrier tried to haul him up by the hands, he could tell Collins was trying to help but couldn’t. The frustration on the lad’s face was apparent. Eventually he got Collins into a standing position with one arm across Farrier’s shoulders.

“I’m not expelled?” he mumbled, eyes closed.

“No, you’ll never be expelled, Collins. I’ll make sure of it.” Farrier answered. He more carried than helped Collins walk to the infirmary and was directed to a bed with a curtain drawn around it. He put Collins down as gently as he could, he was heavier than Farrier had imagined. The nurses busily swarmed around him, treating him like a specimen more than a human. Farrier was jittery, and rightly so.

“What did he say?” a nurse asked Farrier.

“At first he thought I was a spirit, or monster or something. He thought I was another one of ‘them’ and then he pointed at the empty street.” She looked disturbed. She shone a torch in his eyes, and there was no reaction, his pupils remained almost too small to see.

“His eyes should be trying to close at this light” she said worriedly. Collins was just staring into the torch.

“Am I dyin’?” he asked her in a wheeze.

“No, love” she said quietly, Farrier could tell in her voice that it was a front and that made him exhale in complete shock.  _This was a life or death situation?_

“Get the nebuliser” she said to one of the other nurses.

“What’s wrong with him?” Canfield asked,

“Can’t say yet. Did he say anything else?” she asked Farrier.

“He thought he’d been expelled when he called at first, he said while he was at whatever pub he went to, I’d expelled him. I was in bed.” He said worriedly,

“Right. He’s had hallucinations and imaginary conversations then.” She said.

“I don’t think he knows what he took, he said he didn’t take anything knowingly, but um, he said it was Anderson.” Farrier said. Canfield stared at him.

“That’s a very serious accusation to make of another student. We best get more information out of him when he’s better.” The older man said sternly.

The nurse sighed,

“Okay, we need to pump his stomach in case there’s any remnants of whatever it is that hasn’t been digested yet. Might lessen the effects.” She said. The nebuliser appeared and she pushed the tip into Collins mouth and squeezed the bulb.

“Inhale, love” she said, but Collins wasn’t responding. His breathing was rapid and shallow.

“He needs to stay the night at least. Hopefully whatever he had will be gone from his system soon, but don’t let him fly, he might be nauseous. Give him the day off, if he’s not feeling up to it, the day after as well. If he’s not fine after that, he comes back. I’m praying there’s no permanent damage done to the boy, in fact I'm praying he even wakes up tomorrow.” She said to Canfield.

“Jesus Christ.” He said,

“We'll let you know okay?" she said to Canfield, who nodded.

“Let’s let them do their job, Farrier.” Canfield said and grabbed Farrier’s arm. The man resisted, unable to take his eyes off Collins, and certainly unable to walk away from him,

“Farrier, now.” Canfield said. Farrier tried to shake him off,

"No! I'm staying here!" he snapped at Canfield

“Your student will be okay, but he needs to sleep here and he needs us around the bed at all times, you can't stay here Farrier. Get some rest, Squadron Leader.” Ms. Anne said. Slowly Farrier turned, and forced himself to walk away.

“He’ll be fine” Canfield said,

“They don’t know that, Canfield.” Farrier said failing to keep his voice stable.

Farrier cried when he got to his room, he cried out of sheer worry for Collins. He cried hard into his pillow, though he didn’t care who could hear. His precious golden boy, whom he cared for so, so deeply. To see Collins unable to recognise him, unable to fucking breathe properly, then lying unconscious on the ground with an abnormal heartbeat was understandably hard for Farrier to stomach. Whoever did that to him would pay. Needless to say Farrier did not have a good sleep, periodically waking up still with wet tears on his face and his heart racing, he probably got a solid three hours all up. Eventually the light began to shine through his curtains, waking him, and he bolted out of bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s) drug overdose, scary hallucination details, blood, breathing issues, heart problems, hospitals.
> 
> Well this wasn't a happy chapter, I am well aware of that. Even so I hope some of you somehow enjoyed reading it, or at least respect by decision to write it.  
> Thank you to everyone who reads, leaves kudos or comments, I love u all!  
> I'm on tumblr as s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r if anyone needs some good good dunkirk content hehe  
> Until next chapter <3


	44. Containment and Release

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave last chapter on a down note, I hope this makes up for it.

Farrier reached the infirmary, still in his pyjamas and flight boots. He hoped his face wasn’t still tear stained.

“Is he okay?” he said to the first nurse he saw,

“For now. He’s still asleep, but he woke up a few times in the night.” She said, pointing to the same bed Collins had been delivered to. That was the most relieving news Farrier could have been told. Collins was _okay_. The curtains were drawn around the bed. Farrier pushed his way through the thin material to see Collins sleeping in the bed, sheets tucked up to his chin. He sighed in relief and walked closer. The lad looked paler than usual, and his hair was a mess. Farrier poked his head back through the curtains to see Ms. Anne, the head nurse walking along. She spotted Farrier and made a B line for him.

“It’s very early.” She said wearily.

“I know” Farrier said, the sun was barely even up.

“I’ve been up most of the night tending to him.” She said.

“Yeah and I’ve been up most of the night worrying about him” he said, somewhat wishing he hadn’t. The nurse sighed,

“He’ll be fine Farrier.” She said. Farrier’s heart soared at the news, and he felt like he might pass out.

“That’s… That’s good to hear.” He said in shock.

“Yes. The real danger with these cases is always in the hours they’re still overdosed. If they survive long enough for the drugs to subside, they’re usually okay. He’s a strong one, this lad” Ms Anne said. So it was definitely drugs, Farrier didn’t know what to say,

“Has he said anything?” he arrived at,

“Not anything useful, mumbling about hallucinations he saw mostly, absolutely terrifying.” She responded, moving over to Collins to check his pulse and temperature. Farrier stood silently behind her and watched.

“So, do you know what happened?” he asked quietly. The woman sighed and turned to him. She leaned into the conversation and spoke very quietly.

“We believe he was given opium laced with some sort of psychedelic last night, Farrier. The reason it went the way it did was because he’d been drinking, and that’s a deadly mixture.” She said. Farrier put his hands on his hips and nodded, trying to look like it hadn’t felt like a punch in the gut.

“So he hasn’t said anything more about who did it apart from what he said when I was here last night?” he asked,

“No, he hasn’t been all here in the head whilst talking yet. He’s almost back, we think. Last he woke was about 0400 hours and he seemed almost normal.” She said. Farrier sighed and looked at him. So innocent, so beautiful as he lay there asleep. How could anyone do that to him willingly?

“I’ll leave you but if you are to stay with the patient and he wakes up, be mindful that he might not know where he is, or have amnesia of some sort, alright?” she said,

“Yeah, okay. I’ll be off soon anyway. Ms, Anne, thank you. I can’t even begin to explain how relieved I am that he’s okay” said Farrier.

“Just part of the job” she smiled nonchalantly as she left, closing the curtain around Farrier and Collins. Farrier sat carefully on Collins’ bed next to his body. He ghosted a hand over the blonde’s cheek, stroked it a few times. It was very soft, and thankfully it was warm now. He let his thumb brush up over Collins’ eyebrow and through his hair a little. It wasn’t fair what had been done to him, that was all there was to it. Farrier sighed and got up, he straightened the sheets to mask where he sat and left.

 

“Where is he?” Wingnut asked Dawson.

“Dunno, probably slept in” Dawson said with a mouthful of pancake.

“Too bad, he loves pancakes. All the more for us” Wingnut replied.

“Sure is mate” the blonde replied. Canfield sat tentatively at the officer’s table watching Collins’ two friends. The lad hadn’t made many friends, but at least those two were almost always at his side. It did irk him why they all weren’t out together last night, but the students’ private lives were not of his concern. Farrier burst through the doors at that moment, pyjamas and slippers, or rather flight boots used incorrectly, Canfield mentally corrected himself. He looked shaken, probably just gone to see Collins.

“He doesn’t look too good” Wingnut chuckled at Dawson, who shook his head in response, but wasn’t laughing. Farrier quickly went to collect a small breakfast and sat with Canfield. He was too nervous to eat.

“They gave him opium laced with psychedelics, and he was drinking.” Farrier said as soon as he sat down, unable to stop his voice shaking.

“Oh good lord. It’s a miracle he’s alive!” Canfield said worriedly.

“Have you told those two?” Farrier nodded in Dawson and Wingnut’s direction, who were both looking over at him after his probably quite startling entrance to the hall.

“Uh, no I, I haven’t found the time, and I didn’t know what was wrong with Collins so I thought I’d wait” Canfield muttered,

“What? You should have told them as soon as you saw them!” Farrier hissed and shoved food into his mouth.

“As soon as breakfast’s over. Don’t let them leave, get them over here. They need to know” Farrier said.

“I don’t take orders from you, Farrier” Canfield warned,

“Canfield, for god’s sake their friend could have died. Just do it.” He said and continued eating.

“What if something happened to Collins?” Dawson asked, his mind linking Farrier’s worriedness to his friend.

“Nah, he’ll be asleep still, don’t worry.” Wingnut said as he finished his food.

“I’m putting my plate up” the brunette said absent-mindedly as he walked to the front to give his empty plate. Dawson swallowed the last of his breakfast and hurried after Wingnut.

“Oh” Canfield said, alerting Farrier to the fact that the two students were about to leave. Canfield was done, Farrier nearly so.

“I’ll go catch them. Hurry up and eat, boy!” he said as he got up. Farrier did hurry up and eat, finishing in time to give Canfield his plate to take. He sat nervously drumming his fingers on the table as he watched Canfield approach Collins’ friends.

“Morning, you two” Canfield smiled and handed in his plate to the front. They smiled and said their good mornings back.

“You wouldn’t mind coming and having a chat with Farrier and I for a short minute would you?” Canfield asked,

“Uh, sure” Dawson said in surprise.

“Are we in trouble?” Timson asked,

“No, son, nothing of the sort. Just something that you both need to know is all.” He said ominously. They followed the old man back to the table and sat opposite the two officers.

“Morning lads” Farrier said tensely.

“What’s happening?” Wingnut blurted out. The two officers sighed in unison and looked at each other.

“It’s Collins. Look, boys. There’s no easy way of saying this” Canfield began, Farrier watched as Dawson seized up. Canfield’s words made it sound like they were about to be told Collins was dead.  

“He had bit of a difficult night last night” Canfield said, and then looked at Farrier. Dawson untensed a little upon Canfield’s sentence being finished.

“Collins evidently went out somewhere without you two. While he was out,” Farrier took a breath,

“he was drugged with opium. Laced with a psychedelic drug. He was drinking as well at the time which severely enhanced the effects to an extremely dangerous level. He made it back here by himself and called the base as it was after lockout. When I found him outside he was in very bad shape.” Farrier couldn’t continue, nor could he look at either of the boys, Canfield took over.

“He’s here in the medical wing, but he won’t be attending classes today. You may visit him, but neither of you are granted permission to skip class today, you only have one anyway.” Canfield said. Timson’s eyes were darting around the table, as if trying to put the pieces together in his head. Dawson slowly raised his gaze to Farrier’s.

“Who did it?” he asked quietly.

“We don’t know for certain” Canfield interjected before Farrier could answer.

“Any ideas?” Wingnut asked.

“Collins gave us a name last night, but until we’re able to find evidence we don’t know boys.” Canfield said.

“We just thought you two should know. Now go on, get out of here.” Farrier said. The two boys silently filed away.

They visited in the late hours of the morning, but Collins was still asleep. They stayed in their separate rooms until class at midday. The one thing that would take their minds off this event was that today they were flying, and apparently it would get their hours up by two or three each. Perks of Sunday school Dawson supposed, you spent all afternoon flying to reach those 75 hours you needed to get your wings. In all seriousness he knew they were cramming in flying because of the tension across the channel, but still, a welcome distraction from the thought of Collins being drugged.

 

Then baby blue eyes snapped open. Collins was alone, in a white bed with a white curtain around it. He sat up slowly, disorientated, and then he remembered what happened last night. He rubbed his face with his hand, and suddenly the curtain was pushed open.

“Oh!” a woman said. He looked at her blankly, then looked at his watch. Past midday.

“Where am I?” he asked.

“You’re in the RAF Gatwick medical wing, Collins.” the woman said.

“My name is Nurse Anne.” she added.

“What happened to me?” he asked. She sat on his bed where Farrier had been sitting, not that Collins or anyone else for that matter knew.

“Collins, I’m afraid you were given a high dosage of opium mixed with a psychedelic drug last night. Pair that with your drinking, and you had a very close call.” She said. He sighed, he knew it would be something bad.

“I feel fine now” he said,

“I’m so glad to hear that Collins. Do you recall waking up throughout the night while you were here?” she asked.

“No.” he said.

“Okay. Well, tell me what you do remember from your experience, we’ll start with that” she said,

“Well, I went out alone, met some of the lads from base at a pub by accident. They weren’t drinking which I thought odd, but I had a pint anyway. Bit o’ dancin’, bit o’ chattin’ to some lass. But then, I dunno. The pub started lookin’ all weird. And feelin’ less friendly. And I felt sick, and the lads I was sitting with, their faces melted off” he said, and paused to recall what happened next. Ms Anne looked horrified.

“Then I felt really sick, threw up, but I cannae tell if I threw up pure blood or if I was seein’ things. Donnae sound like a normal thing, does it? Now that I say that out loud.” Collins chuckled, Anne was so relieved to see him smile, she nodded.

“Ah, oh. And then Farrier was talkin’ tae me in my head, he expelled me from the RAF, so I thought” he said, only as Collins was reciting his night aloud did he realise how unnatural and surreal it was.

“I walked back to base, think I passed out on the ground for a bit. There were monsters in the shadows, but I made it back and called base and Farrier and Canfield came and got me” he said.

“That’s all I remember” he added. He began dissecting the night more in his head as he sat, and more and more details came back. Not that he wanted to divulge. Ms Anne sighed,

“Well I think that sounds like you didn’t forget much then. That’s a good thing. You’re very lucky, Collins.” she said.

“Yeah I know, thanks for lookin’ after me” he said.

“Not at all, my job. Now, you mentioned someone last night, someone you thought did it.” She said shyly.

“Oh, not a doubt in my mind who did it.” He answered.

“Well, you’d best let the officers know then” she said,

“Intendin’ on it”. They sat in silence,

“Can I go?” he asked.

“I’m starvin’.”

“Soon. You need to sign the medical release form and we need to run some tests to make sure you’re fine. Now Collins, no flying today, you might still get nauseous in the air.” she said, he huffed,

“Aight”

“And no classes today.”

“Yeah, only class today was flyin’ so I guess I’m relaxing today then” he smiled.

“Don’t let my parents know. I know you’re meant to report on the students if something happens, but they’ll just worry.” He said,

“Oh, no we don’t unless we have instruction from the students or they’re likely not going to make it, otherwise we’d be making too many calls to count!” she said.

“You got better and better as the night went on and the drugs left your system, don’t worry. Your parents don’t have to know” she said.

Collins signed the medical form, and they shone a torch in his eyes, weighed him, made him walk, jump, looked at his tongue, and finally discharged him.

“Thank you so much, I seriously owe you” he smiled as he left.

“It’s fine Collins, we’re all just glad you’re feeling better” Ms Anne said, and the blonde walked out of the hospital and back to the main building.

 

Farrier sat in his room, his leg bobbing in anxiousness. Was Collins still asleep? He was trying to distract himself by watching Canfield’s class fly out the window. He could already tell who wouldn’t make it to fighter pilot status. It was all in the trust of the plane, trust the plane and it’d look after you, well, when flying in peace conditions. Farrier could tell when a student wasn’t ready, shaky turns, coming from being too nervous to pull harder on the control stick. Tight turns, from being nervous about not turning enough and having an accident. It was so easy for him, he’d almost forgotten what it was like to learn, though the birds he learnt in weren’t nearly as advanced as the ones they had them out in now, or the Hurricanes used by the Operational Training Unit for the graduated pilots.

Collins walked slowly upstairs, everyone was out in a lesson. He was glad he felt fine, albeit hungry and thirsty. It was the worst night of his life. He wished he could fly, but was grateful they’d given him the day off. He was still in his clothes from last night. Collins was about to enter his room, but thought he’d try something daring first.

 

Farrier turned to a knock on his door. His eyes widened and he got up from the coffee table at which he’d been seated looking out the window. A fleeting glance down over the window ledge confirmed it wasn’t Canfield at the door, he was out on the tarmac. Farrier’s heart sped up when he realised who it could be.

He opened the door to a tired but content looking Collins.

“Afternoon,” the blonde said nonchalantly, Farrier’s bottom lip trembled and he pulled Collins into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around the lad, and Collins hugged back. Farrier exhaled, held Collins close and shut his eyes as he rested his chin on the blonde’s shoulder. They stood like that in the doorway for what felt like an age.

“You okay now?” he asked, letting go.

“Better than” he smiled, rosy cheeked.

“Come in” Farrier beckoned.

“Not this again” Collins joked, but went inside regardless. He could never refuse Farrier.

The brunette’s mind was buzzing, Collins was so fine it seemed hard to believe but he was over the moon nonetheless. Farrier shut the door and they sat together at his coffee table.

“Say Farrier, yae wouldn’t happen to have any more biscuits? I’m starvin’” Collins said as he watched the planes in the afternoon sun.

“Yeah I do, here.” He said, and got them out of a drawer next to his bed and put the on the table.

“Thanks” Collins mumbled as he grabbed a few and began to eat. Farrier sat in the chair next to him.

“So you’re fine now.” He said, in slight disbelief.

“Yeah, apparently I woke up a few times this morning, but now I’m fine. Slept it off I guess.” He said,

Farrier sighed,

“Good, it was really, well, very scary for me last night” he said, looking into Collins’ eyes.

“Oh ya?” the blonde said still eating.

“You weren’t really here. You didn’t recognise me, you were delusional and you couldn’t breathe properly. I had to listen to you wheezing trying to claw for breath, and when you passed out I had to try and wake you up, and you weren’t responding for a while, my thoughts went to the worst case scenario…” Farrier was visibly upset.

“Well, here I am” Collins smiled.

“Yeah” Farrier chuckled,

“And all you can say after a serious overdose is ‘afternoon’ as if nothing happened!” he laughed.

“Aye, said the same thing when I got back from Aviemore I believe” Collins smiled out the window.

“Oh, yes it was. Silly bugger” Farrier mumbled and took a biscuit.

“Anything I could drink?” Collins asked,

“Tea?” Farrier offered.

“Yes please” Collins smiled.

“Let me go get the teapot from downstairs. Won’t be a moment,” Farrier said, and patted Collins’ forearm before leaving the room. Collins relaxed into the chair and watched the planes whiz around outside. He’d seen the graduated pilots in the Hurricanes and the planes looked amazing, sounded beautiful too. Although these trainers were older they still felt sturdy to Collins, who’d racked up just as many hours as the next man. They felt like they could take a lot, not that he thrashed them, Canfield said Farrier was known as a ‘thrasher’. Someone who took the plane to its limits while testing, deliberately, Canfield said they were reckless but of course Farrier argued that the plane should have no difficulties doing what he makes them do. Collins considered himself somewhat on the cautious side of flying, but he prided himself on his smoothness of operations. Before that thought train could finish itself Farrier was back with a steaming teapot and a small jug of milk. He placed it on the small table and got out some teacups and saucers. Farrier shut the door and opened the window a crack in front of them, sitting down next to Collins again. Collins poured his tea, and Farrier began to chatter happily.

“I can’t explain how glad I am that you’re okay. I was so worried Collins, more than I care to admit.” He said, Collins smiled and felt roses bloom on his cheeks. Farrier prattled on a bit more about worry and care, Collins didn’t take as much notice as he usually would have due to the planes soaring outside and the concentration needed to pour his tea, once the task at hand was done he set the teacup down.

“You see Collins, I think you were right all along.” Farrier said,

“It could work.”

The words hung in the air and Collins actually hadn’t really registered what Farrier had meant until he felt the man’s arm recline along the back of his own chair, and turned to see Farrier’s face inches from his own. His green blue eyes held such a soft expression, and the blonde was so utterly lost in them that he wasn’t prepared when they closed, and Farrier’s lips touched his. He made a soft sound of surprise as Farrier kissed him, gently, caringly, and then his eyes fluttered shut too. God it was long awaited, the blonde never thought it would be this good when it finally came. And it was Farrier who broke away. _Shit_ , he hadn’t entirely planned to do that, but he couldn’t believe how right it had felt. It was already his favourite kiss in his life. He stared at the blonde who stared back at him in total surprise. Farrier could feel himself blushing, but suddenly he didn’t care anymore, suddenly nothing else mattered. His eyes darted down at those lips again, and he went in for more. Surprising Collins again, though this time he kissed not to test the waters, but to make sure Collins could feel just how much he needed this. Needed him. Farrier moaned softly into the kiss and let his hand come up to cup the nape of Collins’ neck, to hold him close. The blonde kissed back, his hand tightening around Farrier’s forearm as his hand caressed the back of Collins' neck. They broke away again, this time leaning foreheads together, and somehow just looking into each other’s eyes _was_ enough now. Farrier’s fingers played with the soft hair on the back of Collins’ head, and the lad smiled with his eyes shut. It was a good afternoon. Neither of them could stop smiling as they silently drank their tea and ate their biscuits, watching the planes outside the window.

“Only took a near death experience for yae tae finally kiss me, huh” Collins smiled. Farrier let out a laugh,

“Sounds bad when you say it that way, doesn’t it. But I don’t know what I would have done if something had happened, I dunno, seeing you in that state woke me up. What was I doing? Wasting time, is the answer. Life’s too short, Collins, especially in our line of work.” He said, dunking his biscuit. Collins smiled his sweet smile and relaxed back in the chair. Farrier put his tea down and they sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Then Collins felt Farrier’s warm hand on his. They held hands, fingers entwined resting on the arm of Collins’ chair. Farrier moved his own chair closer until the arms of both were touching. This was unreal.

“Now, I do have something we need to talk about.” He said, Collins tensed up, the man next to him felt it and began to run his thumb over the blonde’s knuckles. Protective.

“Was it really Anderson?” he asked. Collins exhaled,

“Yeah. No doubt.” the blonde said,

“How do you know? What happened?”

“Well, him and his mates were there at the bar, made me sit with them an’ that. I went off to dance, left my pint at the table” Farrier was smiling.

“What?” Collins asked affectionately,

“Sorry. You’re a good dancer” he hummed. Collins smiled shyly and continued,

“Anyway, got back tae the table and drank it doon. Started feeling strange after, didn’t link the two until I was sitting with the boys and was barely able to move, they all decided to leave me alone and go back home, Anderson said something about how he was sorry, and this was the way it had to be, nothin’ personal. I don’t think I was imaginin’ him sayin’ that.” Collins said. Farrier frowned out the window.

“I knew you didn’t get along, but what would have prompted him to do that?” he asked, watching Collins’ eyes as they looked from the planes outside, to the table, to their hands together, then sadly, into Farrier’s eyes.

“Take a guess” the blonde said. Farrier closed his eyes slowly and breathed out. He squeezed Collins’ hand,

“And how does he know that about you?”

“Must have just figured it out.” Collins mumbled.

“You aren’t exactly subtle, you know” Farrier smiled.

“I try” Collins countered.

“Well, you know what he did is illegal, and because his friends helped, they broke the law too?” Farrier asked.

“Hadnae thought about it yet, but I suppose, yeah” Collins said.

“Are you going to do anything about it?”

“No, I donnae want to see them again. Pressing charges just means I have to deal with them for longer” Collins said.

“We have to prove it was them if we have any hopes of getting rid of them, Collins. Is there someone that could identify them?” Farrier asked. Collins thought for a while,

“Yeah. Lass names Stella I was talkin’ to, she saw me with them. If she was told to point to them she could” he said.

“Hmm. I’ll talk to Canfield about it later, maybe. Or I’ll deal with it myself. Either way, later.” He said, and smiled. This time it was Collins who leaned in, pressing his lips to Farrier’s. The man let go of Collins’ hand and stretched it around the blonde’s body, pulling him in closer. The kiss was warm and soft and grounding. It was everything they both needed and more. Farrier sighed happily and didn’t pull away this time, waiting for Collins to do so. When he did, he looked deeply into Farrier’s eyes, and it startled the man just how much emotion he saw in those big blue orbs. As he stared back, he felt himself falling more for Collins, it was scary, new, unmapped completely in Farrier’s mind, what it meant to be this way with someone. Collins rested his head on Farrier’s shoulder, and Farrier rested his head atop Collins’. Farrier could have stayed that way forever and been happy, but forever couldn’t be, so he made do with sitting long enough that Collins fell asleep on him.

Eventually he had to wake the lad up, the class was coming inside soon, he best get back to his room. They checked the coast was clear, Farrier kissed Collins sweetly, more as a thank you than anything, a thank you for putting up with his nonsense, for pushing him to make a move, a thank you for pulling through last night’s ordeal. Farrier ran a hand through those beloved golden locks, and let Collins out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, it has happened. (Maybe everyone will stop yelling at me for a while now, lol)  
> Thanks for sticking around so long, folks. I know it was a long time coming.  
> I'm on tumblr as s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r if anyone wants to chat!  
> Can't think of much else to say !  
> Thank you all so much for reading, I'll see you next week for another chapter ❤️


	45. One More Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! It feels like a whole new world has opened up now that the wait is finally over as of last chapter. Hope everyone has a good week ahead of them ❤️

That afternoon went fast for both Farrier and Collins. Farrier couldn’t stop the buzzing feeling in his gut, couldn’t wipe the smile from his face nor the happiness from his heart. He milled about his room, nothing was able to keep him entertained, all he wanted was Collins. Nothing felt normal, and nothing ever would again.

Collins had managed to excuse himself from the usual afternoon antics with Dawson and Wingnut and fairly so from the previous night’s ordeal, but not before hugs from them both and a lot of worried ‘glad you’re okay’s also. He lay on his bed thinking about Farrier. Thinking about how it felt, lips together, holding each other, it was so warm, and so new and exciting and _amazing_. He didn’t know what to call this, but it was something, where before there had been nothing.

Dinner rolled around and Collins walked down, he was fashionably late on account of getting nervous about seeing Farrier around others now after they’d kissed. Even the thought of it didn’t seem real, they’d _kissed,_ it had really happened. Eventually he opened the dining room doors and to his relief, Collins couldn’t spot the man right away due to others standing around. He ducked towards his two friends and sat.

“Hey, you alright?” Dawson asked immediately.

“Yae, just really tired.” Collins answered,

“Ya know, the nurses told us they weren’t sure what way it was gonna go” Wingnut said,

Collins could tell from the way his voice jolted right at the end of ‘go’ that Dawson had done something to Wingnut under the table, probably kicked him, the blonde chuckled.

“Not surprised, I felt halfway gone. Just glad it’s over now” he said.

Farrier found it extremely difficult to stop the heat rising to his face. He was failing, that much he could feel in his cheeks. It wasn’t helping that Canfield was staring him down like a hawk.

“Did you see Collins this afternoon?” Canfield’s voice wafted through the air, it sounded like a very loaded question.

“No, I didn’t realise he’d been discharged until now” Farrier motioned to the back of the boy with his fork.

“I see” Canfield said. Farrier could hear in his voice that the lie had not gone unnoticed, so he chose to stare at his plate until he heard Canfield begin to converse with the other officers. It was the most uncomfortable dinner the brunette could remember, the entire time he couldn’t stop his mind wandering to what they’d done together earlier, something that he never thought he’d ever do, something that he’d never forget. But even thinking about it felt like Canfield would catch wind of it.

Dinner ended, and Collins was glad for a big meal. Feeling guilty for turning his friends down earlier, he suggested a short game of cards to the lads in order to spent at least _some_ time with them. They agreed of course.

“So, what happened? All they told us was that you were given opium while drinking” Wingnut asked, Dawson glared daggers at the brunette. Collins was about to answer,

“Ya know Dawson, what’s the problem you’ve got with me asking our mate here what the hell happened to him?” Wingnut asked, annoyed.

“You think he wants to talk about it? He could have died! Don’t you think you can curb your curiosity for that?” Dawson replied.

“Yae know, it’s okay Dawson. I’ll let you two know a little, but after tonight maybe we can calm down a bit about it yeah?” Collins said. They put the cards down.

“Well, was out at the bar, dunno really, just decided I wanted to go out and didn’t ask you guys. Guess I should have” he chuckled.

 

Farrier meanwhile, wanted to know where Collins was. It hadn’t been too long after dinner and it was way too early to meet, but he needed to know where he was now, because there was something between them now. Maybe he was being too protective? Probably. It felt like his job now, he had to know where he was, always. He wanted to be with him always too, but that wasn’t possible, and Farrier knew he was jumping miles ahead. _It was just a kiss_ he told himself, except it wasn’t just a kiss, it was the kiss they’d both been wanting to have since meeting, even if they didn’t know it at the time.

 

“Anyway, got tae drinkin’, dancin’, came back to the table and finished the pint” Collins explained after having told the others who his company was for the night.

“And it was after I drank that doon that I felt weird. Anderson had some sort of game on that we all had to go find a woman to flirt with, so I did” Collins smiled, as did the others.

“She was nice actually, we got talkin’ decent chatter. Anyway, started feelin’ really woozy then and had tae sit back down” Collins explained.

He explained the visions, the dizziness, the lack of control over his movements, he didn't go into his breathing issues or heart palpitations, but he’d gotten to the part where he threw up, and didn’t know if he should tell them about Farrier talking to him in his head. It must have shown on his face,

“I think the lad’s had enough, sounds bloody terrifying.” Dawson said, patting Collins’ knee.

“Ah, s’okeh. I’ll continue another time, maybe” he said. The card game didn’t really go on after that, there was a strange emotion that hung in the air, sadness perhaps, or worry. Collins excused himself and again the others didn’t seem to blame him.

“My god” Wingnut breathed when the blonde left,

“I know. That’s why I was telling ya not to ask, I was worried it’d be something like that” Dawson replied.

“Imagine not being able to tell up from down, real from imaginary” Wingnut pondered.

“I’d rather not” Dawson said, getting up from the floor where they sat.

“I think I’m gonna go do some reading, mind heading back down to your room?” Dawson asked,

“Yeah, see ya, then” Wingnut said absent-mindedly as he left.

Although Dawson was indeed going to read, he just didn’t want to be around anyone. He was worried to death about Collins, who was too trusting for his own good, to kind for his own good, and too damned naive for his own good. He hated what had happened to his friend and couldn’t stop thinking about Collins’ recounting of the night.

 

Farrier heard Collins’ door open and close and in an instant he opened his, stupidly. There was nobody there, he triple checked the corridor and closed it again.

Collins heard it open and close, so he opened his, imagining the man would be out in the corridor. Bit early, but it wasn’t like he was complaining. To Collins’ confusion there was nobody there. He went to shut his door again when Farrier’s opened again next to his. The men stared at each other for a second, and then another.

“Get in here” Farrier whispered. Collins checked up and down and when he was certain there was nobody around he slipped past Farrier and back into the man’s bedroom for the second time in one day. The blonde’s heart was racing and he could feel it as if someone was banging a drum inside his chest. This was real. The door was closed behind him and Farrier went to sit at the same little table they’d been at earlier. Collins took his seat and Farrier began talking quietly, all the while Collins watched the man in ways he hadn’t before, in ways he’d been too nervous to before. The way his lips moved, how his forehead creased, and most of all how his beautiful eyes glinted in the dim light.

“I guess, now that we’re… Um…” Farrier began, unsure what word to use,

“An item?” Collins interjected shyly,

“Yeah, that perhaps the hallway isn’t the best place anymore” he said.

“Mm, it’s warmer in here anyway. Warmer than mine as well.” Collins remarked,

“Yeah, I get one more heater than you, officer’s privilege.” Farrier smiled.

They sat in a comfortable silence, looking out through the window, not that they could see much besides the dark sky. Collins’ hand wandered over to Farrier’s and they entwined their fingers again. Even just holding hands was enough, more than enough in fact. Just the feeling of Collins’ fingers laced between Farrier’s was perfect.

“Farrier, why dae yae fancy me?” Collins blurted out. He almost visibly winced at his own question.

“Uh sorry, donnae answer that” he laughed. He desperately wanted to know, but he knew that sounded ridiculous.

“You’re everything I wish I was, Collins” Farrier answered after a moment of thought, much more honestly and deeply than Collins was imagining. They locked blue eyes,

“How’s that? You’re selfless and kind Farrier, and yae always push us to be our best” Collins said.

He wasn’t sure if he sounded dumb or not, but he thought Farrier should at least know some of items on the long long _long_ list of reasons he fancied him. Collins thought himself to be a rather odd, awkward, or at the very least quiet individual, and was genuinely unsure why the man liked him, unless it was from pure pressure of his constant flirting.

“You’re just a really _good_ person, you know? You do what’s right, you’re kind, you’re honest. You’re confident in yourself, or so it seems. You’re just, you have a pure heart, Collins, I’m kind of damaged goods if you know what I mean” Farrier chuckled.

“Firstly, yae aren’t damaged, don't say that again. Secondly, I’m no’ half those things, Farrier.” Collins said,

Then his stomach lurched when he thought about it more. Honesty. There was one secret that now he seriously needed to tell Farrier about, and it was hung in his closet as they spoke. He hadn’t even told his friends, more out of forgetfulness than anything else however.

Farrier was getting to know Collins well enough to know when there was something he wasn’t saying. His mouth twitched as if he was about to speak, but he never did. He ran his hand up the blonde’s arm, relishing the feeling of his skin under the material of his clothes.

“What?” the brunette hummed.

Collins breathed out and thought, what was the worst that could happen? Would Farrier be angry he hadn’t told him? The blonde didn’t think his conscious would let him keep it a secret now even if he wanted to.

“I need tae show you something.” he said quietly. Farrier looked concerned,

“Okay?”

They silently crept from Farrier’s room to Collins’. The blonde’s hands shook as he opened his wardrobe doors, he cursed himself for keeping this damned uniform. Farrier was sat on his bed waiting, he looked around the room at all the little things Collins had, his first time in the lad’s room. The sketchbook on his bedside table, he recognised. So well loved, the pages were fraying, and half of them dog eared. Photos of him as a kid on the dresser, along with a family photo with his parents. A dried thistle lay near the photos, Farrier smiled amusedly at it. The bloody thing was printed on every possible Scottish uniform, paper, and company ever, not that they didn’t grow everywhere else in the UK too, of course. He wouldn’t be surprised if this one was from Scotland though, Farrier thought to himself. Then Collins came into view looking very nervous, and Farrier looked to see that he was holding an RAF uniform.

“What’s the big dea-“ he began,

Then realised that wasn’t Collins’ uniform. Or rather it was, but it wasn’t from here. Just as his mind had been wandering about the thistle being everywhere, sure enough it was on the RAF uniforms in Scotland, and here it was on this one.

Farrier sighed and looked down. It was a lot to take in.

“Farrier I’m sorry” Collins said, so quietly, Farrier looked up and saw that Collins was just about on the verge of some sort of breakdown. He stood up quickly and pulled him into a hug.

“Don’t be” he murmured against the blonde’s shoulder.

“I lied. The one time you told me not to I did” Collins whispered.

“Doesn’t matter. You’re here now, okay?” he stood back and held Collins by the shoulders.

“Yeah you should have told me, but there’s nothing we can do now. And I’m glad there’s nothing we can do now” Farrier said quietly.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Were you kicked out or something?” he asked, the blonde nodded and went to put the uniform away.

“Don’t let anyone see that thing. You shouldn’t have it, to be honest, but do what you want. Why were you kicked out?” Farrier asked,

“Same reason Anderson drugged me” Collins said sadly as he stuffed it back into the wardrobe, hidden from sight.

“Jesus Collins, you are absolutely awful at keeping it to yourself, aren’t you, lucky you haven’t been arrested or something!” Farrier said,

Collins thought by his words that he was annoyed, but he turned to see the brunette smiling affectionately.

“I thought I was rather good at hiding it” Collins said sarcastically, he perked up a little.

“No, you’re not” Farrier chuckled and threw an arm around his shoulders.

“Come back to my room, bed’s bigger” he murmured, close to Collins’ neck. So close the blonde could feel the hot breath and it made him shiver, but the words Farrier had said,

“Wait, what?” Collins stopped and took a small step away,

“You know,” Farrier said, suddenly close to Collins’ face again.

The man let his hands roam over Collins’ clothed body, over his shoulders, his chest. It was more than he could have ever asked to do with Collins, just to touch him this way.

“Bed’s bigger” he said again, looking at Collins' lips.

“I, I dunn” Collins started, but Farrier met his protest with his mouth.

This time it was all about control, and Collins didn’t hold it for very long. The man before him, there was something about him that had Collins undone. It was all so new and amazing. Not like Ben. That was out of desperation of being the only other homosexual in town. This was different. This was special. Collins’ hands found Farrier’s waist as they kissed, and then Farrier let his tongue slide out and taste Collins’ bottom lip. The blonde whimpered,

“Shhh” Farrier said, before continuing to lick into his mouth.

It was so incredibly difficult to keep quiet, but when Collins felt Farrier’s hand ghost over the front of his trousers it became impossible. He gasped at the sensation and this time pulled away.

“Sorry, I just, sorry” he began,

“What?” Farrier breathed.

“It’s too sudden” was all Collins could say, aware that was a weak defence.

Farrier wanted to say something, but how could he? How could he say that when the war began, and it would, that one of them might not come back? That they were running on borrowed time already? That any night now could be the last night before war is declared and they’re sent off? He couldn’t say any of that, so he nodded his head.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry too, yeah?” he managed.

He acknowledged that he himself was probably too brash about it, being used to the brothel, normal people weren’t sex workers, and as much as he wanted Collins in the most intimate ways, the lad wasn’t ready. Even if they had limited time in Farrier’s mind, Collins’ happiness and comfort was paramount.

The blonde nodded,

“I’d best get back to mine then.” Farrier said,

“Yeah. Farrier? Thank you, fer the uniform thing. I didnae know how you’d react and I was, well, pretty terrified.” Collins said,

“Don’t worry about it, lad. I won’t let anything happen to you this time, you’ll have your wings soon enough.” he replied. Farrier turned to leave,

“Farrier?”

“Yeah?”

And then Collins hugged him. It was warm and comforting, and innocent. Farrier sighed happily and let go.

“Get some sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow” he said, and slipped out the doorway.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, your continued support means the world to me!! Reading your comments gets me through my week ❤️  
> I'm on tumblr as s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r if anyone wants to chat!  
> Until next chapter, happy reading ❤️


	46. Arrival of the Spitfires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, happy Monday to you. I'm finally on a 2 week break from uni thank goodness, all the more time to write!
> 
> I very nearly uploaded the chapter AFTER this one, and as I was reading through it, it kept mentioning things that I couldn't remember being in the fic so far, and I was thinking "surely I didn't just assume this had been included, and it hadn't" but then I realised, duh, it's because I'm missing a chapter which mentions said things. Anyway, problemo solved, enjoy reading, folks.

It was the first week of October 1938, one more month until the second course at the Training Department Station, and after that they’d have their wings. As usual Canfield and Farrier stressed that it wasn’t a big deal, but it felt like more of a big deal than previously switching departments. All this for that little patch sewn above the pocket, but all this was worth it for the coveted pilot's brevet, and in three months Collins would have his. It was an odd time, there was Farrier in Collins’ life now, and while that was amazing even in the short amount of time it had been going on, secret kisses and chats now instead of just secret chats, as Collins liked to think of it, there was also this whole issue with Anderson and his friends. Collins had only seen them once since the incident, they knew Collins knew, and that he’d told someone. They were sulking, not going to classes, barely. The blonde knew it wouldn’t go on forever, he just needed to find Stella and she’d surely help identify them if he said he wasn’t going to act further than have them expelled. And it wasn’t like Collins would usually want someone gone this bad, but the lad couldn’t focus. He didn’t feel safe around those boys at all, it was detrimental to his ability to learn, even.

And another thing, the Spitfires had come. A whole squadron’s worth of them had landed the morning after Farrier kissed Collins, all glinting in the sun with their fresh paint jobs. Dawson, Wingnut and Collins had gone down to see as they landed, and again Lucy had taken a liking to Wingnut, not that Collins or Dawson could really figure out why. Farrier had to come down and sign for them again, but he seemed to find it easy to slip behind that wall of his and hide anything he was feeling for the blonde beside him when need be. Collins just tried to look at the planes. It was easy to do, they were easily the most beautiful aircraft he’d ever seen with their sleek lines and semi elliptical wings, standing proud in a line as the morning sun reflected off them.

They’d spent that week learning about Spits for when they’d be able to fly them, not that they needed much education, the cockpits were very similar to what they’d trained in, though the handling was wildly different apparently. The Spitfire had less room, and the control stick wasn’t split like the Hurricane as they’d learnt from peering into cockpits when one of the officers was going flying with an older group, in which the bottom half of the control stick was always upright and the movement started halfway up at a joint. In Spitfires the whole control stick moved as one. Collins liked them more from what little he knew of them, Dawson liked the Hurricanes more. Wingnut didn’t like either. But they’d see when they were allowed to fly them, Collins thought.

“Both too manoeuvrable by the sounds of it, I say.” Wingnut said with a mouthful of his dinner on Friday night, Dawson cocked his head and didn’t say anything for a minute,

“Mate, they’re fighters. That’s kinda the point?” he said after giving Wingnut a chance to say something else, which he hadn’t.

“Yeah. Look guys, I dunno if I should be here.” The brunette said.

“Wingnut, you’re not leavin’ the RAF. We willnae let you” Collins said, putting his cutlery down in surprise.

“No no, I mean Fighter Command. When we go up in the bomber trainers, I like it more.” He said. They sat in silence as they contemplated their little group being broken up. It was so typical of Wingnut to bring it up in this way, casually with seemingly no thought put into the sentence at all. But Collins and Dawson both knew by now that Wingnut always said what he was thinking, so it must be true.

“Well, as much as I love hanging out with you, do what you feel best doing. You won’t be a good asset to the RAF if you’re not enjoying your work” Dawson said,

“Aye, it’ll be a sad day when Dawson and I have tae play cards without yae, but if that’s what you want mate” Collins said. There was a lump in his throat as he said it, both other boys could hear it. Wingnut was Collins’ first friend in the whole of England, after all.

That night Collins saw Farrier again in the older pilot's room.

“You know what the funniest thing is?” Farrier said,

“Eh?”

“The Spits don’t have any rear view mirrors!” Farrier laughed as they sat on his bed in their pyjamas together. Of course he’d been the first to take one up, overly eager to jump into a plane that beautiful and rightly so.

“Oh ya, didnae even notice” Collins smiled.

“Actually, Canfield was speaking to the Air Ministry and turns out all the bases that were given the Mk 1 Spits have the same issue. Everyone’s been taking them down to the local car garage and getting them to put side mirrors from cars on the top, and I think we’re going to have to do the same!” he chuckled.

“How do they handle then?” The blonde asked,

“They’re easily the best plane I’ve ever flown. When I was up in the air it was almost like she was flying herself, I just had to think and she’d move. They’re really light and sensitive, so some of the heavier handed lads might not like them as much as they’ll like the Hurricanes.” The brunette answered. Then Collins began doing that thing he did when he wanted to say something, where his lips would move in a way that appeared as if he were deep in thought, thinking in his mind. Farrier nudged him with his shoulder, the blonde took a long, shaky breath in.

  
“Wingnut wants to go to Bomber Command” he said quietly.

“Does he now?” Farrier said, Collins nodded sadly, he didn’t trust his voice.

“Good for him, Collins” Farrier said, squeezing the lad’s hand.

“Yae I know. Just wish he could stay here” the blonde mumbled and rested his head on Farrier’s shoulder. The man lay back and pulled Collins with him until the blonde was laying next to him with a hand on his chest. Farrier looked at him, the lad was visibly upset, his blue eyes always crystal clear showing every emotion he was feeling.

“I told you not to get familiar Collins, better he goes to bombers and you never hear about him again than you see him get shot down. At least you get to say goodbye.” He said sternly. The sentence cut through the air and through the soft emotions. It was the harsh reality that Collins didn’t want to know about right now.

“Don’t get familiar?” Collins smirked, running his hand up to Farrier’s shoulder.

“Yeah, this is seriously dangerous. Seriously good, I wouldn’t change it for the world, but dangerous. I’d be kicking myself if I never did anything though, this is, well, it’s the happiest I’ve been since I can remember.” he said, his hand lazily playing with the blonde’s hair.

Farrier was better at hiding it when he had something on his mind, the lad still hadn’t picked up that his thoughts were only half present. Collins hummed and let his eyes shut as Farrier played with his hair. Collins was over the moon to hear that he made Farrier that happy. All the blonde wanted was to see him happy. Farrier couldn’t believe how precious this was, it was hanging in the balance, anything could end what they had, but for now it was a slice of pure heaven, Farrier was beginning to realise he’d probably rather sit with Collins than fly some days, and nothing had ever come before flying, until now.

“What’s your first name?” Collins asked quietly out of nowhere, he seemed nervous. It must have been playing on Collins' mind. And it _was_ weird now using first names, something as common as a first name had come to feel very personal. Farrier sat up slowly, Collins followed suit and they sat next to each other on the bed.

“Thomas, mm, Tom.” he said as he smiled softly at the blonde. Collins sat for a moment thinking,

“Hi Thomas called Tom” he said, the name felt foreign in the blonde’s mouth, but it fit perfectly with who Farrier was.

“Hello Jack” Farrier smiled as he lay back down, pulling Collins with him, he rolled on top of him. It was the first time he’d said Jack’s name since he filled out the enrolment forms with him all that time ago.

“Jack” Collins said his own name aloud,

“Tom” Farrier said his.

Their faces were inches apart but they didn’t move closer, just looked into each other’s blue eyes. Farrier lay his weight on top of Collins, testing the waters. Tonight was the first time they’d lay down together, and right now was the first time one of them was on top of the other, it was uncharted territory, and Farrier was more than apprehensive after his last attempt to start something heated.

“I’m surprised you hadn’t heard Canfield using my name” Farrier said,

“Huh, didn’t even know he did” Collins replied. Farrier watched as Collins’ stared up at him, the man smiled and leaned down to kiss him. He sighed and ran a hand through Collins’ hair as he kissed, the blonde squirmed underneath him in happiness. A nagging thought was still on Farrier’s mind, but he didn’t want to stop this, not now. Farrier kissed softly, one hand moved now from the blonde’s hair to his cheek. Collins was an easy blusher, every time they so much as held hands he would go red, and it was adorable. Farrier pulled back to just look at the man beneath him. The more he looked, the more he felt emotion well up inside his chest.

He had to stop staring or he’d cry.

It was a very abnormal feeling for the brunette, was that what people meant when they cried tears of joy? He’d never experienced that in his life, but when he looked at Collins, _really_ looked, it was pure emotion that he felt. Raw and untainted by the daily stresses of life. He rolled next to Collins, he had to speak his mind, by now he could tell Collins wasn’t going to pick up on the fact that he was thinking of something.

“Collins,” he began, flattening a hand on the blonde’s belly.

“The emotional training continues next week.” He said. It was obvious he hadn’t found it easy to say.

“Ah. Alright, guess we’ll see if I’m any better this time ‘round eh?” Collins said, not entirely as bothered as Farrier thought he’d be.

“Yeah, guess so” Farrier said.

“Do yae know what it’s gonna be?” Collins asked, laying a hand on top of Farrier’s. The brunette didn’t answer. He was staring at a fixed point somewhere on the bed and his gaze didn’t move. He eventually answered,

“It’s a film of pilots from the war talking about their experiences.” he said quietly.

“Are you in it?” Collins asked, the only thing he could think of that would be making Farrier react this way.

“My friend is” he said, it was hard to read the emotion in his voice. Farrier was in it as well, but he knew Collins would see that anyway, and didn't feel like talking about it.

For once Collins didn’t pry, he knew exactly what Farrier meant now. This friend wasn’t around anymore. The blonde moved in closer to Farrier and slung an arm around his side. He pulled himself towards the brunette until they were pressed together.

“It’ll be okay” Collins whispered.

Farrier wasn’t sure about these emotions, he was feeling overwhelmed with happiness and protectiveness, and also nerves about the emotional training. He didn’t know how to deal with so many emotions all at once. Farrier settled with letting Collins cuddle and inhaling the blonde's smell, it had a remarkable calming effect on the man.

They lay in peace for a while, Collins was falling asleep in Farrier’s arms as the brunette was trying to make his mind shut up about things that didn’t matter. He didn’t want to stop the warm embrace, but it was late.

“C’mon lad, you need to get to your own bed” Farrier said, removing Collins’ arm from his body.

“Nae, I’m stayin’ here” the blonde said with a smile.

“Nice try Collins. Up.” Farrier said, sitting up himself to coax the blonde to do the same. He did. Farrier took Collins’ hand and led him to the door. Holding both his hands now he leaned in and kissed Collins one more time.

“I can’t tell you how much I love doing this, Collins” he mumbled.

“Neither, Farrier. I donnae ever want to stop” the blonde replied. Though his mind was still somewhat stuck on the emotional training to come, if it worried Farrier, it was going to be bad.

“Get some sleep” Farrier said before embracing the blonde. He held him close, it was grounding and comforting, more than anything else either of them had ever experienced, hugging and being close to one another was like magic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading! Hopefully these past few happy chapters have at least somewhat made up for 45 odd chapters of slow burn.  
> Thank you to everyone who's reading along, I'm so happy the story that I started on a whim is making people happy.
> 
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if you want to chat.  
> Until next chapter, happy reading.


	47. Charlie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand it's Monday again. Last Monday of the holidays for me, next week it's back to uni (not a bad thing, I love it there)  
> This is the first of 2 chapters I'm uploading 2 chapters tonight, I felt like they needed to be together.  
> Trigger warning(s) in end notes.

It was the middle of the second week of October, and as much as Farrier wished he didn’t have to do any work and instead spend every living second with Collins, that wasn’t happening. He had to speak to Canfield about the lad being drugged, and he had to do the emotional training. As much as Canfield had to drag him along to the previous one, Farrier always went to the second one willingly. It felt disrespectful to Charlie, not watching ‘his’ film as Farrier called it in his head. It was something he still struggled to watch without getting emotional. It wasn’t like he was overly close with Charlie, but it was the way the film had to dramatize everything and make it all sadder than it already was. Charlie was part of his old squadron, and was there the day they took on the Baron.

Collins was glad the leaves were beginning to change colour, it was beautiful, especially in the rain he thought. It was Wednesday morning at the breakfast table.

“So Wingnut,” Dawson began,

“How do you join the bombers exactly?” he asked. The brunette swallowed his scrambled eggs.

“Well, I stay here until I get my wings. Then when everyone continuing into Fighter Command continues to their training units, or I guess ground crew if they don’t make it, I transfer to Bomber Command. I do a month or so conversion training, then I’m one of them.” He said nonchalantly. Collins stopped eating,

“Timson,” he began, both his friends looked at him, they couldn’t remember the last time Collins had used Wingnut’s actual name.

“That’s in two and a half months.” he said.

“Yeah, I know. But I’m sure about it, I’ve been thinking a lot. I think I’ll be more useful there, guys.” He said, Collins kept quiet after that. He didn’t want their little group to get separated, but Collins had to remind himself to be happy for Wingnut that he was brave enough to branch out into what he really wanted to do.

After lunch, which was spent in the base kitchen as there was no time to walk to the sandwich store, was the lesson Farrier had mentioned to Collins. The brunette didn’t like the way it was meant to be some sort of secret when exactly the emotional training lessons were, it was unfair.

The students piled into the classroom, and were surprised to find both Canfield and Farrier chatting quietly at the front,

“But do we have to spring it on them like this?” Farrier mumbled,

“Death springs itself on you!” Canfield responded in a harsh whisper. Farrier looked at him disapprovingly but didn’t say anything.

“Go sit down and just watch the film Farrier. Don’t think about the students, just try and watch it the whole way through. I don’t want you storming out of the room like last year.” he said. Farrier sighed,

“I assume you want me at the back?” he asked,

“No, sit wherever you want” Canfield said as he began to move the projector,

“I’ll sit at the back, all by myself then.” Farrier said with a tinge of annoyance in his voice. This film always got him in a sour mood, and he had a habit of being catty towards Michael because of it. He really didn’t like that Canfield treated him like a child, scolding him for walking out last year. It was hard for him to watch, and last year it had triggered a flashback, not that Canfield appeared to care. It frustrated Farrier to no end, that the older man couldn’t understand how he felt, always telling him to just ‘forget about it’ and ‘cheer up’, but it wasn’t that easy. He supressed a sigh and took his seat.

Collins and his friends took their middle of the class seats, the blonde hated the fact that Anderson and his friends were behind him, that he couldn’t keep tabs on them. He knew Farrier and probably Canfield knew what they’d done. He knew they’d never do anything during learning hours, and that he was safe here. Still the thought that they could see him but he couldn’t see them irked Collins.

“Right class, round two of the emotional training exercises!” Canfield said, way too happily for the event. Farrier had his head resting on his hand, not really looking at the front, more so that blonde head of hair in the middle of the classroom, the hair he loved so much and wished he could just stand up and touch this instant.

“So we all remember the film about the little dog, yes? Very sad, I know. But today, we are watching something different. Today is a film about pilots that are no longer with us.” He said, any joking tone in his voice now gone.

“These are all real stories and real footage of the men, so be prepared.” he said as he walked to put the blinds down.

“I guess you’ll make it into one of these films soon then!” Anderson said smartly to Canfield, Farrier glared daggers at him across the room and it was enough to make the lad shuffle back in his chair so that his face was hidden from Farrier’s behind a sea of other men. As much as Farrier bickered with Canfield, nobody got to talk about him that way.

“On the contrary my boy, these are men who had their lives cut drastically short by war. I’ve lived a long and happy life, I cannot say the same for the men in the film.” the older man said as he closed the final blind.

“I might also add, you may recognise some faces if you watch closely!” Canfield added, before starting the projector up. Farrier wished he was invisible.

Collins braced himself for what emotional pain he knew was coming. He couldn’t imagine what pain Farrier must have been in though.

The film showcased four different men.

The first was Alexander Pickett.

He was a gunner who was friendly and confident, he was a daredevil and liked trying to push for different guns, different angles on the planes to make them more effective. He had a grenade go off in his face thrown from an enemy plane. His limp figure slumped over the gun mounted on the top wing for several minutes before it fell off the plane to the ground, never to be found, the pilot was traumatised from seeing it happen feet away from him, there was footage of him with the jitters, unable to calm down, staring around like someone was out to get him.

Farrier hated this film. Every single part of it he hated. Watching the pilot break down, even in silent film with ridiculously pompous and nationalistic music played over it, with a stupid voiceover in case he couldn’t already tell what was happening, it hurt to watch. He’d been in that situation, he’d been unable to stop shaking, stop thinking, stop _seeing_. And this film always brought that right back to the forefront of his mind. It was too close to home but he forced himself to keep watching it, for Charlie’s sake. Plus, if these young students had to, he had to.

Collins was shocked by the first story, but not as saddened as he was with the dog film. The footage of the first man was pure shock factor.

The second was a lad named Elliot Bellington.

He was a pilot, he never felt safe in the job, was unwillingly taken to war as he had some practice with planes in local events, he was 17 when he died of enemy fire. The entire plane went up in flames, it was a one-seater so he was the only casualty, not that it made it much better. His plane kept gliding a little ways while on fire, and the squadron could see his burnt corpse sitting upright still. The images were haunting for Collins, it was very clear where the man stopped and the fire began. Farrier hated to think that his plane had looked like that to the rest of his squadron that fateful day.

The third was a man called Frederick Muggs.

Another gunner, he had a sweet tooth. He would always take chocolate around for the whole squadron before take-off. Muggs loved being a gunner, he loved the freedom of it, loved standing on the plane, not being strapped in. Seemed to be a recurring theme with the gunners. He had a wife, who hadn’t wanted him to go to war in the first place. One day, the enemy had dangled barbed wire off their plane, and he got entangled in it so badly that he was carried away, screaming, crying, whilst being torn to shreds. His entire squadron had to watch him slowly die, and when his disfigured body finally fell through the barbed wire, it was barely recognisable as a person. There were pieces of him still stuck to the wire as it dangled from the enemy plane, scraps of bloody flesh blowing in the wind. His wife desperately wanted to see him when she heard the news, but of course nobody could let her. She wanted to see her Frederick one last time, but she never did. There was footage of her kicking and screaming and crying, Collins had to force himself not to look away.

The fourth and final man was Charlie Hart. 

He was a pilot too, they showed a photo of him sitting with his squadron in a field, and the whole class made some collective noise of surprise, it took Collins a second to realise it was because Farrier was one of the other men. The blonde turned around to see Farrier looking quite embarrassed and not at all happy. Collins now realised that Charlie must be his friend he had mentioned. According to the film, Hart was the kind of person everyone loved. There was a short video of he and Farrier holding a map up together observing it, Farrier looked so incredibly young there, and dashing, not that he didn’t now as well. He looked happier, more carefree. Collins tried to focus on the film. Charlie was experienced with flying, so he was usually the lead pilot of the squadron. Every day he would make the squadron tell him one thing that made them happy. He wasn’t any rank higher than them, but he had the kind of leadership qualities that meant it didn’t matter, they’d follow him. He was fun, and understanding. One day they went up against the Red Baron, the film explained, and it was met with surprised sounds from the class. Farrier’s stomach dropped as he began to panic. He looked for Canfield for reassurance, who was already looking at him. He nodded solemnly for Farrier to keep watching. He swallowed and looked back to the screen. He remembered that day clearly enough without having photos from the actual flight shoved in his face. Luckily there was no moving footage.

Charlie wasn’t shot down, but he was injured. The enemy had dropped a bomb into his lap. He flew the rest of the sortie, unable to be helpful but unwilling to abandon the squadron, and then came the video footage of the aftermath. The entire squadron carrying the man, half blown apart, to the base’s medical wing. Collins couldn’t see Farrier with them and began to worry slightly, he again forced himself to pay attention to the actual story. They got Charlie to the medical wing and then he was taken to the proper hospital. Charlie would never see again, his eyes were too damaged from the blast. He was hanging onto life, however. Every day possible, he would ring the base and ask the rest of his squadron to tell him something that made them happy, and in turn he would do the same. Every day of being in hospital he found something to be happy about, he couldn’t see, he wasn’t even allowed to leave the bed, but still in the midst of disaster, Charlie managed to be grateful. There was another short video of him lying in hospital, mainly covered in bandages, but Collins spotted something far more confronting in the bed next to Charlie. 

 

It was Farrier. 

 

He was asleep. The blanket was up to his chin and there was no obvious damage visible, but it was jolting enough to see him in a hospital bed. Farrier didn’t need a reminder of his time there either. He tried to watch the film for Charlie, though.

As the weeks continued, Charlie was recovering. He was almost able to take the bandages off his face, and they were doing experimental reconstructive surgery and skin grafting on him. Eventually he was allowed to walk, to build up more muscle. There were special benches outside the hospital painted blue, for men with disfigured faces to sit at. The public knew the men sitting there may be scary to look at. The blue paint was a warning to passers by that they may not want to turn their heads in that direction.

A week or so later, Charlie was back in the hospital bed with an infection of the blood. It was all going so well, he was still calling the squadron _every single day_ , but then he stopped calling, and that was when the squadron knew something was seriously wrong. The very next time off they had, they all went to see Charlie, but his bed was vacant. He had died in the night of the blood infection and pneumonia. Charlie’s death concluded the film, and the narrator reiterated how important it is to hold onto hope, hold onto happiness, as Charlie Hart had, until the very last moment.

The blinds were pulled up, and Collins was teary. He’d shed a few during the last story, he admitted to himself. He tried his best to wipe them away. He turned around to look at how the rest of the class fared, most of them better than he unsurprisingly, but all looking visibly shaken. Collins found Farrier at the back, he was looking upwards to stop tears from falling. The man took a deep breath and looked forwards again, unable to stop one falling down his cheek. He found Collins, and all he could do was purse his lips as if to say, _what did you expect?_   Farrier wiped his eyes and tried to shake off his emotions. He wasn’t upset about Charlie, people died in war, he was upset about the memories the film had brought forth. At least this year it wasn’t a full on flashback, it was more an overarching dark feeling that had settled inside him.

Canfield slowly wheeled the projector back to the corner. He didn’t look so chipper now, either.

“Now, that’s to show you what can happen in war. It’s not a game, it’s the most serious thing there is. And if you’re not prepared for your wing mate to end up like one of these lot, you’re not ready.” He said plainly. Farrier was glad, at least, that the documentary hadn’t really mentioned him, or the rest of the squadron, even if he was in hospital with Charlie. This year, Canfield said something he hadn’t said to a group of students before.

“So class, this may interest you to know that the way they make these films, is that if they decide someone’s story is interesting enough to compile into a film, be that man still alive or already dead, they dig up the old archives and stick them together. There is generally enough film and photographs of any given squadron to form at least a very basic understanding, so that’s what they do. If the man is still alive and they think he’s soon to pass, they generally have even more footage as they hang around him with the camera a bit more waiting to see if he doesn’t make it, that’s what happened with Charlie, hence his story being much more in depth, they heard about what happened to him in the air, and the crew were right down there to greet the squadron as it landed. It’s gruesome and not very nice, but it makes for a pretty shocking documentary. There were very nearly five men starring in that film by the way lads.” he said.

Farrier’s head snapped up, eyes wide in shock, why would he say that? Now? In front of the whole class?

“So what happened then?” Anderson of course. There was silence.

“I survived.” came Farrier’s answer. Deep and solemn.

Collins couldn’t handle this. He stared at the desk and focused on not letting any tears come to the surface, he’d only just sorted himself out. He did not need to hear that from Farrier. Not in his already delicate mental state. Dawson covertly shifted his gaze to the Scot next to him upon hearing Farrier's answer, and it took everything in his power not to react to the look of shock on Collins' face.  
“Yes, our lad here survived a frightful accident, believe me the cameras were at the ready had he not made it!” Canfield was already trying to turn it into a laugh. Some of the students chuckled along, and Farrier wasn’t sure if he was angry at them or grateful that the mood was getting lighter.

“Say Farrier, perhaps you’d share a little?” Canfield offered. He got his answer in the form of Farrier walking out of the classroom and slamming the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): Injury detail and gore, death, PTSD mentions/references.
> 
> I won't say "I hope you enjoyed", but I hope you respected my creative decisions lol.  
> This is my [ tumblr ](http://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to chat.  
> 


	48. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter of the night is here!  
> Trigger warning(s) in end notes.

Later that night Collins snuck into Farrier’s room. They hadn’t seen each other since the emotional training, save for some fleeting glances over the dinner table. The brunette stood up for a hug when he saw the blonde, he pulled him in tight and closed his eyes.

“Thank god you’re here, Collins” he murmured.

The blonde allowed his eyes to flutter shut as they hugged, before letting go and sitting on the bed, Farrier joined. They sat facing each other, Farrier against his pillow and Collins sitting cross-legged in front of him.

“How was class today eh?” Collins began, toying with his pyjama sleeve,

“Not great” Farrier smiled sadly, removing Collins’ hand from his pyjamas and holding onto it to stop him fidgeting.

“Yae looked very handsome” Collins muttered, blushing from the mere words, trying to lighten the mood. He shuffled to sit next to Farrier, both their backs against the headboard now.

“And I don’t now?” Farrier smiled,

“Oh of course you do now, arguably more” Collins said, unable to maintain eye contact as he got nervous. Farrier reached a strong arm around Collins’ shoulders and pulled him close.

“You’re not too bad yourself” he said quietly, and kissed the blonde’s forehead. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, Collins let a hand lay on top of Farrier’s thigh. He loved doing that, it wasn’t so much contact that he got nervous or shy, but definitely enough to feel warm inside.

“Collins, I want to apologise on behalf of Canfield for mentioning me” Farrier’s deep voice broke through the silence. Collins swallowed,

“S’okeh” he mumbled.

“It’s more important to me that you’re better now, Farrier” he said, looking sideways at the brunette.

“I am, for the most part.” he said.

“For the most part?” Collins queried,

“Well, yeah. I have my off days, but I think I’m pretty good now” Farrier smiled. It wasn’t cheering the blonde up.

“Collins, I’m _okay”_ Farrier insisted. Collins moved closer still to him but didn’t say anything.

“I appreciate that you care so much, I really do, but it takes time to heal, yeah?” Farrier pressed.

“Mmhmm”

“Come on, pet” Farrier said quietly, the hand that wasn’t wrapped around the blonde’s body began stroking Collins’ cheek until he turned to face him. Collins was blushing a deep red. That meant he’d liked the nickname. Farrier let a small smile creep onto his face. Seeing it made Collins smile too.

“Want to know what happened?” Farrier asked, Collins exhaled,

“I dunno. I mean of course, but I donnae want to make you uncomfortable, Farrier” he said. Collins’ hands resumed their fidgeting in his lap.

“I want to tell you, because I trust you Jack. Probably too much, but I really do.” Farrier said quietly. Collins looked up from his hands to a space in front of him. His name on Farrier’s lips sent a tingle down his spine.

“Yae trust me?” he asked,

“Of course. Do you trust me?”

“Yes, of course.” came the answer. Small and shy, but certain.

“Then I want to tell you. But, I need you to know that I might get a bit, well, I guess emotional is one word. I’ll try not to be, but it might happen.” Farrier huffed a single laugh.

“I’ll be here for you, I’m not leavin’ 'till I see a smile on your face again” Collins said. His words softened Farrier’s gaze, he still couldn’t believe how pure and kind Collins was. He was selfless and brave, especially for being okay with Farrier venting to him. Farrier wished he was as good a person as Collins.

“Okay, well, it might not make you all that happy either, Collins” he said.

“I donnae care. I’m honoured you want to talk about it with me, I’ll take it all, Farrier.” he said definitively. He wasn’t going to make Farrier feel like a burden, he wasn’t one. That was that. The brunette took a deep breath.

“Well, how much do you know, first of all?” he asked, and shuffled so that he was in the corner of the bedhead and the wall. Collins moved over to be close again.

“I think I know about that” Collins said, and threw a glance down to Farrier’s wrist, unwilling to say any words about it.

“Okay, is that it?” Farrier asked, pulling down his pyjama top so that he wasn’t showing any skin on his arm. Collins didn’t miss the small gesture.

“Uh, well I know about the crash yae had that fractured your shoulder, and I saw your scar on your belly, that’s all” the blonde said.

“Right. That crash wasn't the worst thing that happened to me, the bail I'm about to talk about is. Remember when the film showed us taking on the Red Baron’s squadron?” he asked tentatively, Collins nodded.

“I didn’t get out of there much better than Charlie did.”

The words hung in the air, and Collins could already feel his chest tightening. Farrier had been in an off mood all day thanks to Canfield and the film, he had been thinking about his ordeal ever since the class was over.

“Yeah well basically, the Red Baron’s squadron flew across our twelve to port. They had much more altitude than we did, they’d been hiding in the clouds so we didn’t get any notice. When we saw them they had the dominant position for the dog fight but we went in anyway. I was on the port side and the Baron had been leading the squadron so he was my target, we were in Sopwith Camels, one seater planes and engines at the front of the nose like they all are now. Known for being bastards to manoeuvre but I handled it well enough. Anyway, bit of a dogfight went on between us two, but Canfield and I believe that he’d changed the rudder or ailerons or something on his plane, because it turned at such a velocity I didn’t expect it to hold together, or maybe he just really knew his way around the thing which is obviously viable as well considering how formidable he was. Anyway, suddenly instead of me shooting his flank, we were head on.” Farrier explained. Collins was frozen, he wasn’t so sure if he was going to be as good a listener as he’d thought, but he’d try.

“I tried to pull away quickly, but he shot me. The planes back then were covered in canvas which is coated in this really flammable liquid to tighten it against the plane’s body, so you can imagine that when the engine sparked, the entire plane went up in flames.” he said, his voice was quieter than usual, and it was usually quiet in caution of someone hearing them. Farrier wanted to stop telling Collins, his baby blue eyes looked terrified hearing the story. He knew the lad wouldn’t let him stop the tale now, though. So he continued,

“The prop was gone, and it wasn’t until the plane had lost significant altitude that I realise what had happened. I think the blast from the engine exploding had sort of dazed me.” he said, he began fidgeting, Collins went to grab his hands but Farrier pulled them away and crossed his arms.  
“I’d… I’d been impaled by part of the plane.” he said, his voice cracking along with his resolve to remain unemotional. He looked up to Collins, if the blonde didn’t look distraught before he sure did now.

“Collins, are you okay?” he asked. Collins nodded slowly, brows still furrowed and blue eyes still staring, Farrier wasn’t convinced but continued.

“I don’t remember if it was part of the dashboard, engine, or what. I only remember looking down as the plane spiralled towards the ground, and seeing a chunk of metal sticking out of me” he said. Then Farrier stopped. All of a sudden he looked like his thoughts were very far away. He was staring at a fixed point on the bed. Farrier’s thoughts were indeed very far away, they were back over France, back in the plane, back in the dogfight. His breathing quickened and Collins watched his crossed arms tense, his fingers tighten around his biceps. And then his bottom lip quivered.

“Farrier,” he said, and lay a hand on Farrier’s shoulder,

“You don’t have tae tell me. he whispered.

“I do. I’ll have to at some point Collins, I don’t want to keep it a secret.” he said, and then he went quiet again, Collins watched as Farrier stared at the fixed point on the bed. He looked pained, he looked scared. Farrier squeezed his eyes shut and ran his hands over his face. In the darkness behind his eyelids he saw the piece of metal inside him, as if it was still there. He jerked his eyes back open and stared at Collins. He was here, not there. He was here with Collins. He tried not to let himself crumble like this, the man reached for Collins’ hands and held them in his own. Looking down at them calmed him slightly, his breaths were still shaky, thoughts still far away. Farrier swallowed and looked into Collins’ eyes, the blonde looked unstable, but those blue eyes grounded Farrier like nothing else could.

 “What just happened?” Collins asked, on edge after seeing Farrier snap.

“I, um… Collins, sometimes I have flashbacks, okay? I know it’s not pleasant to see, and believe me it’s not pleasant to go through, but it does happen.” he said, breathing deep and deliberate. Collins put on a brave face for Farrier, he nodded understandingly but he was not the least bit calm inside. It felt surreal, to hear all this, and to look at the brave, kind man before him and link the two together. The pain was exquisite, Collins couldn’t bear to imagine how Farrier was feeling.

He didn’t want to tell Collins this at any given time, but also he needed to tell the lad, or Collins would be forever be asking about the scars littering his body, or worse he wouldn’t mention them, and then Farrier would be forever feeling guilty for not telling Collins about them.

“Um, I…” Farrier began, his hands tightening around Collins’. He cleared his throat and tried again,

“The plane was spiralling down, I didn’t have a parachute, nobody did back then. I… I couldn’t see a clear way out. There was nowhere to put her except in the water.” he said, barely above a whisper. Farrier let go of Collins’ hands and crossed his arms again.

“To this day I don’t know if it was a river or a lake, I’m fairly certain I had a concussion at the time” he said, Collins laced his fingers together to prevent him from fidgeting more. All he wanted was to hug Farrier, to kiss him, to tell him that _it’s okay, I’m here._

“So I ditched the plane in the water, I jumped out last minute because I could see the plane was going to land belly up, that would have been fatal.” Farrier stopped again, and sighed to himself seemingly in frustration that he was finding this difficult.

“I remember… When I touched the water, when the metal was jerked sideways inside me from impact, I remember that I felt nothing.” said Farrier solemnly. Collins’ mind was racing trying to process everything that had happened to Farrier. He didn’t realise it would be this bad.

“And that, I think, was when in my dazed state I realised this was definitely not okay. I hadn’t bled much until I got into the water mind you, but I remember swimming and seeing the water dark red around me.” Farrier looked at Collins again, checking to see if he was alright. His expression had changed from horrified to absolutely inconsolable. Farrier rubbed his own face again, this was going to ruin Collins’ week, if not longer. He knew he’d think himself into a depressive episode if he didn’t get it all out now. He didn’t know if he wouldn’t still think himself into one anyway.

“I dragged myself up onto the shore, and I walked. I didn’t know where I was going, or who I’d meet. But I just walked.” Farrier said, Collins watched as Farrier subconsciously held a hand to his torso, his fingers tracing where he knew the scar was over his pyjamas.

“The French found me, thank god. I would have… Well, I would have died.” The man said shortly. The blonde _couldn’t_ process that. He began breathing deeply, trying to calm down.

“I was put on a stretcher, I saw a trail of blood where I’d walked to the camp. And,” he began, and realised last time he’d thought about the event in detail, when he was drunk after the uniform party, he couldn’t remember this far, but he could now.

“I looked down and everything was red. _Everything._ They were all shouting in French, everyone was looking at me as I lay there. They put me on the ground and I felt like I couldn’t move. I was exhausted, I was losing blood, I just couldn’t do anything. I remember I lifted my head and saw the shard sticking out of me, and finally I think I passed out.” he finished.

Collins had his eyes closed, whether as not to be confronted by Farrier’s presence or so he could process everything, the man did not know. But when Collins opened his blue eyes it damn near broke Farrier to see them wearing the expression that they were. The one he knew all too well, the one he wore all too often. Pain.

Farrier reached for the blonde’s hand, taking it in his.

“I’m sorry. Collins, I’m so sorry. I should have never said anything” he began, urgency in his voice. The blonde swallowed,

“What happened next?” he asked tentatively.

“Collins, you don’t want to hear this, as good as it is for me to talk about it with someone, I can’t do this to you” Farrier said, running circles over Collins’ knuckles.

“I’ll be okay. C’mon, Farrier.” he said, his expression hadn’t lifted, and it scared Farrier. He didn’t want to get used to seeing this look on Collins’ beautiful face.

“I woke up in hospital. They’d taken most of the metal out, but I’d lost a lot of blood, and there was still metal inside me. Still is.” he said,

“Apparently I was in and out of sleep for about two weeks. They had me on a ventilator to help me breathe. I was incredibly weak, and I had a plethora of issues, including a partially collapsed lung, broken ribs, and of course the metal had perforated most of my organs.” Farrier had gone deep into his mind, deeper than emotion, now it was just reciting facts he’d been told time and time again. It wasn’t like that for Collins. Farrier watched as Collins moved impossibly closer to him, and the blonde’s eyes became glassy with tears.

“Eventually, I was discharged. The war had ended. Charlie, and many others I knew, had died. Though as you know from Canfield’s spiel today, I very well could have died there too.” He murmured, squeezing Collins’ hand.

Farrier watched as Collins squeezed his eyes shut, his blonde eyelashes wet against his cheeks. _No,_ Farrier thought, _please don’t cry._ Collins pulled his hands away from Farrier and wiped his eyes, sniffing. The blonde looked up at Farrier, cheeks flushed and eyes red. His bottom lip trembled, and it was that which broke Farrier’s wall down. He gave in, pulled Collins close, tears pricking his own eyes before falling onto the blonde’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry” he said,

“Farrier,” Collins sniffed,

“Don’t be sorry Farrier, please.” Collins said, and leaned back to look at the man. Thinking about Farrier being _dead_ was not a pleasant thought, looking at him now, seeing him here, and thinking that there was a good chance he wouldn’t be here if things had gone a different way, it wasn’t easy to stomach. Collins had only ever seen tears in Farrier’s eyes once before, and now that he was this emotionally invested in the man he couldn’t handle it, he’d never be as emotionally strong as Farrier, who watched as the blonde’s brows furrowed to stop himself from letting any more tears out, before being encased in an embrace so warm and comforting it almost made everything okay. _Almost._ They sat together like this, completely open, no barriers between them.

When Farrier finally drew back, he immediately wished he hadn’t. Collins’ blotchy red face, tears still dangerously close to falling, lips still trembling, his emotions displayed clear as ever like they always were, to see this was almost as painful as the plane crash itself.

“It’s okay, Collins. I’m here now.” Farrier tried, his weak voice betraying his calm sentence. Collins sniffed again and nodded curtly. He took a big, staggered breath,

“I know. But yae didnae deserve any of it” he said,

“It’s war, Collins. Nobody deserves any of it.” he said, wiping his own tears away. He felt embarrassed for letting himself get into a state like this with someone else around, but that was forgotten when the blonde reached a tentative hand up to Farrier’s face, long fingers on his warm cheek, thumb caressing him. It was times like these that Farrier worried what he’d started between them was wrong. Yet his hand found its way onto Collins’, cupping it to his face as he let his eyes close for a moment of understanding, sympathy, and softness.

“Do I need to explain what the scars on my arm are?” he asked, eyes still closed.

“No. Wingnut and Dawson explained what they were, at first I didnae know, hadn’t seen anything like that before. They told me it’s called… Self harm. It means you’re not… Happy” Collins said, his breathing still shaky. 

“I didn’t deal with what happened to me very well. I blamed myself for not being able to help my country for the rest of the war, thought I had been useless. I took it out on myself, I’m only just now beginning to play with the thought that maybe I wasn’t to blame, and that I shouldn’t be so harsh on myself” Farrier said quietly.

“Are yae happy now?” Collins asked in a shaky voice.

“I’m the happiest I’ve been since I was a boy, now” he murmured.

And Collins kissed him.

It was messy and wet with tears, but it conveyed everything neither of them could say with words.

Collins pulled away,

“Good” was all he could muster.

The two sat for a while, getting their emotions in check. Collins thought of bringing up Ben, but another time he thought. He’d had enough difficult conversation for one night.

Farrier had never, not once in his life, done something like this with anyone. Gotten this emotional, openly _with_ someone. Only ever alone, shut in a room or in a far away place unable to be seen or heard. He’d never shared his emotions like this, so willingly with someone else. Contrary to what he expected, it felt extremely freeing. Now he understood why Canfield told him to talk about the war more. He felt light inside, like years of stress had just been lifted, and he attributed a lot of that to the blonde sitting next to him, currently drying his eyes and fixing his hair, freckled cheeks and knobbly knees and long fingers and a crooked pout. If Collins hadn’t waltzed into Gatwick that day, Farrier may never have found anyone he trusted enough to confide in.

The blonde was still in some state of shock about how open Farrier had been. He’d never expected the man to be open, he knew going into this that Farrier just wasn’t like that. But tonight he’d realised, maybe he _was_ open, with the right person, and that made Collins the right person. As he watched Farrier sit and run a hand through his hair and fix his pyjama top which had become slightly uneven, he was overcome by a huge sense of gratitude. Farrier had chosen him to talk to about it. _Him._ Still not seeing what Farrier liked about him, Collins was just happy that he made Farrier happy, and that he was comfortable enough now to explain what had happened to him, something Collins knew was a closely guarded secret.

It was extremely difficult for Collins to leave Farrier’s room that night,

“Can I not sleep in here?” the blonde pleaded.

“No. That’s ridiculous, as much as I want that, Collins. Come on, back to your room” Farrier ushered him to the door. The men embraced, it was strong and full of trust.

“Thank you for listening to me” Farrier murmured into Collins’ shoulder,

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat, Tom” the blonde replied, there was a pang of emotion in Farrier’s gut upon hearing his name and he smiled. Upon seeing the smile, Collins sighed in relief and happily accepted the kiss he received on the lips. He smiled back, and then slipped through the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): Injury detail, death, PTSD, self harm and depression mentions/references.
> 
> Feels good to get this chapter off my chest. Let me know what you thought, I'm not used to writing hurt/comfort sort of things.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's reading along, it makes me so happy to just think that my writing is being read by you!
> 
> This is my [ tumblr ](http://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to chat.


	49. A Witness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday, folks! I'm back at uni today, and as well as that I had a trial shift at a new workplace that started at 7am and finished at 1pm. I literally went straight to uni from that and arrived home at dinner time, I am TIRED (but I still managed to upload hehe)  
> Trigger warning(s) in end notes

October was drawing to a close, Collins was still processing all that he’d been told the previous week about Farrier, but he was coping. Seeing Farrier every day helped him deal with it. Seeing him happy, helped him deal with it. It was after another day of flying, though they were mainly flying in the Harvard planes now as opposed to the smaller and weaker Miles Magisters. The Harvards were nicknamed the ‘pilot makers’ and were somewhat similar to Hurricanes according to Farrier and Canfield which was a relief to hear for the young cadets, jealous of watching the Operational Training Units at base always using the fighters. Collins was walking back inside with Dawson and Wingnut at his side, when Canfield approached him.

“Collins, my boy. Say, you wouldn’t mind coming to have a quick chat with me in my office, would you?” he asked, Collins panicked. _Canfield knew_ , he thought. He must, what else would it be about? Was he about to get expelled again?

“Sure.” Was what came out of the blonde’s mouth, not conveying any of the worry of his current thoughts.

“Great, I have to help pack the planes away but why don’t you go in and make yourself comfortable?” he said, before turning back to the hangars. When Collins and his friends got through the door into the locker room, the Scot had to stop walking.

“Guys, what if it’s aboot… Yae know.” he began.

Both of them looked worried which didn’t help Collins’ mental situation.

“Mate, could be about anything.” Dawson said.

Collins knew there were a few possibilities, but still the thought nagged.

“Guess I better go in then.” Collins said quietly.

Wingnut and Dawson went upstairs, as the blonde walked down the empty hall, it was eerie. It was like he was walking to the end of his flying career. He was terrified, but so much so, that he was numb to emotion.

That feeling was somewhat dissolved when he opened the door to Canfield’s office to find Farrier already seated.

“Fuck, why am I in here?” Collins blurted,

“It’s about the Anderson thing.” Farrier mumbled.

“Jesus, I was worried to death it was about somethin’ worse” Collins said as he took the seat next to Farrier.

“God, I wouldn’t be this calm if it was about that, lad.” Farrier chuckled.

He wanted to reach out and take the blonde’s hand in his, but with the possibility of Canfield walking in at any moment it wasn’t an option. Collins was trying to act normal, clearly. He had moved the chair slightly further away from Farrier’s, but he kept looking over like he wanted to move it back.

“You’ll need to do better than this when Canfield gets here.” Farrier tutted, but his words were delivered with a smile on his face. Collins huffed.

No sooner had the man said that when Canfield opened the door behind them. Collins jumped and gasped at the sound, causing Canfield to laugh.

“Relax, son, goodness!” he said as he took his seat opposite them behind his desk, still chuckling.

“Tea either of you?” Canfield asked, setting his tea set out and picking up the already steeped teapot.

“Yes please.” Farrier said, taking the sugar immediately.

“Uh, yae, thank you,” Collins said absent-mindedly as he stared at the amount of sugar Farrier was piling into the teacup.

“Farrier, I think Collins wants the sugar as well,” Canfield chuckled, taking the spoon away from a forlorn looking Farrier.

“Ah, donnae actually take any sugar in my tea. Just thought it was a rather large amount, sorry for staring.” he said, forcing himself to stare down his own teacup instead.

“Honestly lad, I’d stare too if I hadn’t seen Farrier do this a hundred times.” Canfield laughed,

“Canfield, can we get on with more pressing matters than my tea preference?” Farrier asked while stirring said tea.

“Yes, yes. So Collins, you’re here because of what happened that night a few weeks ago. Can you confirm, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was Anderson?” Canfield asked.

Any laughing matters were forgotten in an instant.

“Yes.”

“How?” the older man asked.

“He told me it wasn’t personal, and that it was the way it had to be.” Collins said carefully.

“He said that before he and his friends left me there, when I began getting high” He added.

“I see. And do you have any idea what might have spurred this?” Canfield asked, Collins could never say the real reason, that much he knew.

“Honestly, I donnae think there is anything behind it. I think they just pick on me, maybe because I’m Scottish, I really don’t know. I think they just wanted to have some fun, malicious fun, but I think he was serious when he said it wasn’t personal, might have done it to anyone unfortunate enough to get roped into their card game that night, just happened to be me.” the blonde said, and sipped his tea.

“You can press charges, Collins.” Farrier said quietly. They had already had this conversation, the blonde knew he was saying it again just because Canfield was here.  
“I don’t want to. Just means I have to deal with them for longer, I just want tae forget about it.” he looked between Farrier and Canfield.

“Okay, well I suppose expulsion is the next step.” Canfield muttered to Farrier, who nodded into his teacup. Collins’ heart fluttered at the words. That would put an end to it for good.

“We need an eye witness for that, Canfield,” Farrier said, putting his tea down and crossing his arms.

“Indeed, it’s not enough to go off one student’s words, which of course Anderson will protest.”

“There’s an eye witness. Someone who can point to the three boys and say that it was them.” Collins said.

“Who then?” Canfield asked, putting his tea down with Farrier’s.

“Lass named Stella.” Collins said quietly. Farrier’s ears pricked up at this.

“So, perhaps we could arrange a meeting with her? Do you know where to find Stella?” Canfield asked.

“Not really, except the same pub. She was playing in the band there, all I can hope is that she plays again I s’pose” Collins said.

“Well, if you go in and find her, maybe get her contact information, we could arrange a meeting, that’s all we can hope for. I suppose otherwise you’d have to ask the bar staff if they recall.” Canfield said, thinking aloud more than anything.

“Yae, will do. I was there on a Saturday so maybe I’ll go in this Saturday and look for Stella.” Collins said and finished his tea.

“Excellent. And, thanks for speaking to us about this Collins, I’m aware it doesn’t bring back fond memories.” Canfield stood and stretched out a hand to shake, Collins took it.

“No problem, I’m glad you two want to help me.” the blonde said. Farrier stretched out his hand too,

“Yes, thanks for being so open with us. Let us know if you get a hold of Stella, or anyone else able to help.” He said, blue eyes once again hiding behind a perfectly built wall, only professionalism showed in them now.

“Will do Farrier. I’ll be off then, I suppose.” Collins said,

“Yes, thank you Collins.” Canfield said, and the blonde left the office.

Farrier sighed as soon as Collins left.

“Honestly, I can’t wait to get rid of those three,” he said.

“They aren’t exactly what I would expect for RAF cadets, no.” Canfield replied.

“That’s all you can say after they nearly killed Collins?” Farrier asked calmly, fiddling with his hands, a habit he’d picked up from the blonde himself.

“Well like every professional officer, I’m impartial to all students, Farrier.” Canfield said, and the brunette didn’t have time for his underhanded comments.

“I’m heading upstairs.” he said, and left the room.

Collins sat in Dawson’s room with his two friends, painfully aware that soon he would only be sitting with Dawson.

“They wanted to know about the night I was drugged.” he said.

“Well thank god it was that, not something else, right mate?” Dawson said,

“Oh yeah, I probably would have died there and then if it was about somethin’ else!” Collins laughed. The cards appeared as usual and Wingnut dealt absent-mindedly as they spoke. All three agreed that it was a great thing for Anderson’s lot to be gone. Wingnut didn’t think anyone liked them except each other, and the two blondes agreed.

“They want me to go back to the pub and find that lass I was talking to. They think she could be an eye witness.” Collins said as he picked up the cards he’d been dealt.

“Maybe we could come with this time, make sure you don’t fall down another rabbit hole?” Dawson suggested.

“Yae know what? Good idea. When’s the last time we went to a pub together?” Collins asked.

“Your birthday, mate.” Wingnut answered.

“That’s right. Ages ago.” Collins felt bad that they hadn’t done anything since then apart from walks to the little sandwich store.

So that Saturday, all three of them planned to go to the pub together.

“I’ll be fine, Wingnut and Dawson are comin’ too.” Collins murmured to Farrier as they sat on the older man’s bed.

“Just, be careful. I don’t want it to freak you out, going back there. Sometimes seeing the same place that a bad thing happened in can do that.” he said, hands rubbing up and down Collins’ arms.

“I willnae be on drugs this time, it’s just a normal shoddy bar, Farrier.” Collins persuaded. The brunette sighed, he put a hand on the nape of Collins’ neck and pulled the lad’s head down for a forehead kiss.

“Come back and let me know how it goes.” he said.

“You’ll be asleep by the time we’re back,” the blonde chuckled,

“Eh, probably not. Try my door, I’ll leave it unlocked for you, pet.” Farrier smiled.

Collins joined the others outside the base and they walked together to the bar.

“If you freak out, we’re here mate.” Dawson said just as they reached the door.

“Thanks, I think I’ll be fine. You two relax and have a drink or something’, I’m just here to find Stella.” Collins replied.

He took a deep breath and entered the bar. It was just as he remembered it when he was sober. Small, crowded, and thankfully there was beautiful clarinet music coming from the front. Collins waded through a crowd of people and it was Stella, completely entranced by her own music seemingly. Great, now he just needed to wait for her break. The three ordered some beers to begin with and sat in a booth. Collins looked at the red leather, the same leather that had appeared to be bleeding red flesh when he was here last. It was normal now.

“So she’s playing the clarinet at the front, yae see?” he asked as he sipped the froth off the top of the beer, knowing this time it would be fine to drink.

“She’s fine,” Dawson murmured. She was, although bony and somewhat lanky, a very pretty woman. Collins wasn’t sure he recalled Dawson actually voicing his attractions towards a woman before.  
“Aye,” Collins said. they drank and listened to Stella’s band, and one drink turned into a few. Collins had spotted the Scottish whiskey on the shelf and wanted some. The others tried some too, apparently it was ‘strong but not bad’. Collins thought it was absolutely the best in every way. They sat at the booth waiting for Stella to have her break, Collins painfully aware he had probably had one too many drinks for a good conversation with her. Eventually the music ended and Stella announced the band was taking a break.

“Right lads, I’ll be back in a bit.” Said the Scot and stumbled off. He found the brunette woman at the bar, drinking the strange pink drink again, same as he’d seen her last time.

“Stella?” Collins said curiously.

“Oh, hello you!” She smiled, dark curls bouncing as she turned to Collins to hug him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he gave her a squeeze, she smelled nice, like soap and sugar.

“How’ve yae been? Nice playin’.” the blonde said.  
“Yes I’ve been well, just been playing here every Saturday. Same old, but what about you? Didn’t see you for the rest of the night last time you were here!” She said, and sat back down to finish her drink.

“That’s actually why I’m here tonight.” Collins said, leaning an arm on the bar next to her.

“Oh?” she asked,

“How long’s your break?” the blonde replied.

“Only about ten more minutes, why?”

“Ah, when do yae finish tonight?” Collins asked, ten minutes wasn’t enough to explain, and he’d realised he probably shouldn’t dump this information on Stella if she had to perform again after.

“Jack, are you trying to ask me out?” she giggled,

“Wha? No! I,” Collins got red in the face.

“I need tae tell you somethin’. It’s not that.” He said more seriously. She smiled sweetly.

“Well, after my break I play for forty-five more minutes. Then we’re all finished.

“Mind comin’ tae see me later then?” he asked.

“I suppose so, it won’t take long will it? The rest of the band won’t want to wait around.” She said, finishing the pink drink.

“Probably not too long, I’m willin’ tae walk you home or pay for a cab if your band don’t want to wait.” Collins said, moving to go back to the table.

“You’re being awfully odd, Jack. I hope you unravel the mystery after I play,” she smiled.

“Yae, sorry lass. I’ll tell yae everything, promise.” he said, and walked off. She smiled at him as he went. Charming. Awkward, but charming, in an amusing way, Stella thought to herself. Not that she was interested in him, but still, a very nice man.

Collins arrived back to the booth,

“So?” Wingnut asked, looking too drunk already.

“Her break was only ten minutes, I want tae wait until she’s finished playing for the night to tell her. Should be in around forty-five minutes from when they start again.” he said. Dawson was watching her speak to the bartender. For once it was Collins’ turn to shove him, not the other way around.

“Ey mate, calm it down!” he laughed.

“She’s pretty, isn’t she” Collins said,

“Very,” Dawson replied, and downed the rest of his drink.

The boys listened to the band play, Collins thought about getting up to dance, but something stopped him. Eventually he worked out what it was, he wanted to spend as much time with Wingnut as he could. He didn’t want him to go to Bomber Command, as much as he tried to tell himself that he was happy for the man. A few rounds of drinks later, Collins asked a question,

“So Wingnut, still sweet on Lucy from the Air Transport Auxiliary?” he laughed as he asked, the brunette’s ears went red.

“We’ve been on two dates.”

Dawson spluttered on his drink.

“I’m sorry?” he asked,

“I said, we’ve been on two dates, Dawson.” Wingnut said measuredly.

“Jesus mate, why didn’t yae tell us?” Collins said, he was beaming, never in the world did he think Wingnut would get this lucky.

“I dunno, I wasn’t sure she would want anyone knowing, it’s just a quiet thing.” he said, a small smile creeping onto his face.

“Mate, I’m so happy for you, congratulations!” Dawson said, patting Wingnut excitedly on the back.

“Thanks guys, appreciate it.” He said awkwardly.

The three celebrated with yet another round of drinks.

Finally, the music ended. Everyone in the pub cheered, and Stella and the band all bowed. As beautiful as she was in the face, she didn’t have an altogether feminine body, nor did she carry herself like a woman. A woman would have curtsied, not bowed. Collins was just very interested in her as a person, she was very different to most women he’d met and he found it alluring.

“Right, I’m going to go get her,” Collins said. He found her leaving out the back door of the pub,

“Stella!” he called after her,

“Hang on Jack, just putting my clarinet away!” she yelled, Collins waited in the doorway and watched her bandmates pack everything into several suitcases on wheels. She had a word with them and then walked over to him. They sat down together at the booth inside,

“Stella, this is Wingnut, and Dawson.” Collins said,

“Interesting names?” she said, trying not to show a smirk on her face.

“Ah, oh. Sorry lass, those are their last names. Well, Wingnut is just a nickname,” Collins explained.

“Ah yes, the air force and their last names. Got it.” She smiled shyly,

“Well, hello Wingnut, hello Dawson.” she said politely, eyes lingering on Dawson’s, he was gazing at her, and now as Collins watched him smirk, freckles on his cheeks still apparent under the dim light and blue eyes curiously looking at the girl, he remembered why he felt sub-tier next to Dawson when they’d first met. Stella looked away shyly.

“So Jack, what do you want?” she asked, breaking the ice. It was the first time Dawson had heard Collins’ first name. The blondes made eye contact as they came to the shared realisation, and smiled. Jack was the perfect name for who Collins was, thought Dawson. It made so much sense now that he knew it.

“Well,” Collins began, and then he told Stella everything. It hurt to do, to watch her face go from her regular relaxed and happy expression to one of fear as he talked her through what had happened.

“I feel terrible Jack. I was on stage and I didn’t see anything happening. I was literally in the same room and I didn’t know anything was going wrong.” she said eventually.

“Hey,” Collins said, waiting for Stella to look up from her hands to him.

“This is not your fault Stella. But I am here to ask a favour of you. I need an eye witness in order to have them expelled. I need you to point at them and say, yes, it was them who did it.” Collins said. The woman beside him inhaled deeply.

“Are you pressing charges? I don’t want to get caught up in something big Jack. I want to help, but I’m a little worried.” she said,

“No charges. Just expulsion from the RAF. Nothing more, they willnae have criminal records or anything, just won’t be able to join the air force again. That’s all I want.” he said quietly. Stella thought for a moment before answering,

“Okay, I’ll do it.” she said. Collins smiled, as did the whole table.

“If yae give me your contact details I’ll pass them to my superior officers, I think they’ll want tae organise a meeting with you.” Collins said, opening his coat and revealing from the inside pocket, a blank page torn from his sketchbook and a pen. He laid them on the table and Stella wrote her name and letter address on the page. She had quite awful handwriting, it began horizontal albeit messy, but then slanted off to the side and was nearly diagonal by the time she’d finished, which surprised Collins who assumed her writing would be neat. He supposed he shouldn’t assume things like that of the fairer sex.

“There, I hope you can read it,” she giggled,

“Just.” the blonde replied. There was no phone number so Collins assumed she didn’t have one, not uncommon as he very well knew.

“Well I imagine they’ll send a letter out soon. Thanks for waiting around a bit to sort this out, you’ve no idea how relieving it is to me that someone can help.” Collins said as they all stood up.

“Of course! I love to help people, I didn’t know they’d done such a thing to you, but now I do know, I can’t just stand here and let them get away with it.” Stella said.

Collins was glad he could trust her.

The three boys wandered back to base after a few more rounds of drinks, not as late as Collins thought they’d be out but still a disrespectful hour. They tried not to trip up the stairs as the arrived, or at the very least do it quietly. The old building creaked as they walked along the corridors, Wingnut quietly opened his door and no sooner had it closed did the two blondes hear a crash, and then “fuck!” come from the other side. They could barely stifle a giggle, but kept walking knowing Wingnut had just bumped into something in his drunken state.

“Night mate,” Dawson said, and entered his own room once they’d reached it.

Collins remembered he was supposed to talk to Farrier about what had happened with Stella so he trudged past his door to the next one.

He tried to quietly open the door, not sure how successful he’d been which he attributed to his drunkenness. Collins wasn’t that bad, he’d definitely waltzed back to base more drunk than this, but that didn’t mean he was completely in control of himself now.

“Evening, lad.” Farrier murmured, looking up from, a book? The blonde hadn’t seen Farrier with a book before. Collins shut the door and walked over to the bed and snatched it playfully from Farrier, giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Yes, you can look at it?” Farrier laughed at Collins’ behaviour.

“Yae read?” he asked, flipping through the pages. It was a book on birds.

“I try to. Don’t usually, that’s one of Canfield’s that he’s given to me in the hopes of getting me to read more. I was mainly just looking at the pictures.” Farrier admitted.

“Can I have my book back?”

“Oh, yeah. ‘Course, sorry.” Collins handed it back, wobbling slightly as he stepped. There was the answer Farrier was looking for to explain the lad’s behaviour. Alcohol.

“So you’ve been drinking?” he asked, swinging his legs off the bed to stand. Collins stared, whilst the man was sitting in bed Collins assumed he was in full pyjamas under the blanket, but now he saw that below the waist he was only in underwear. Farrier rolled his eyes and walked to put the book back on his dressing table. Collins couldn’t take his eyes off Farrier’s exposed legs. Strong, golden, and most definitely going to be instilled in Collins’ mind for the foreseeable future.

“Collins, relax. They’re just my legs,” Farrier chuckled, sitting back on the bed.

“Tell me about the lady. What did she say?” Farrier asked. Collins cleared his throat,

“Stella. She wants tae help. Got her address ‘ere.” he said, pulling the piece of paper out and giving it to the brunette. He took it and screwed his face up trying to decipher the words, turning the page sideways as the writing sloped off. He guessed this woman was not a secretary.

“Right. I’ll get this to Canfield tomorrow and we’ll send her a letter when we can. Good on you, lad” Farrier said. Collins was taking his shoes off,

“Ah, Collins. You can’t do that, put your shoes back on and get to bed.” Farrier smiled. Collins didn’t smile back, and he did not put his shoes back on, instead he also discarded his heavy coat. And of course he was wearing that damned blue turtleneck that Farrier had seen that night so long ago now at dinner, that turtleneck that clung so beautifully to his figure.

“I’ll come to bed, sure.” the blonde smirked. Farrier’s gut twisted at the words, and immediately he felt adrenalin pumping through his body. Collins walked over and lay down next to Farrier on the bed. His pupils were dilated, the brilliant blue now a thin ring around the black. Farrier lay a hand over Collins’ hip.

“You’re drunk.” he said plainly.

“So?” the blonde asked,

“So you’re not thinking straight, pet.” Farrier murmured, stroking the lad’s side up and down. Then with a hungry look in his eyes, Collins kissed him. It was unexpected, hard and needy. Farrier gripped the blonde’s hipbone as he kissed, pulling him in closer, unable to resist. Collins moaned and Farrier tried to swallow the sound as he kissed, he felt a hand come up onto his shoulder, pulling him closer. Collins got exactly what he wanted when Farrier rolled on top of him, weight pressing him down into the bed. The brunette felt bad doing this, Collins was drunk, but it felt so _good._ He cupped a hand to Collins’ face, and tried to drag his lips away from his. As Farrier reared his head up Collins sat up, refusing to break the kiss until Farrier pushed his chest down so that he lay beneath him.

“Farrier, why are yae stopping? Don’t yae want this?” Collins breathed, anything but innocence in his voice.

“Of course I want this, Collins. But not when you’re drunk, I want you to want me when you’re sober, okay?” he said, strain in his voice not going unnoticed by the blonde, who sat up again and reached up for another kiss. Farrier made some feeble attempt to stop it, but when he felt Collins’ tongue run along his bottom lip he couldn’t help but groan and push him back down into the mattress with his weight on top of him. Collins’ hands roamed Farrier’s back muscles over his pyjama top. Even through the cotton he could feel how strong the man on top of him was, and Collins liked that he knew he wouldn’t be able to overpower Farrier if he tried, that he wouldn’t be helpless. A thought that hadn’t so clearly presented itself in Collins’ mind before. His panting had gotten louder, then when Farrier’s tongue slithered across his own, and it took Collins’ breath away. He shivered against Farrier in anticipation, but Farrier seemed to have realised what was going on. He pulled away with a wet sound between their lips.

“Fuck,” Collins breathed,

“Collins, I need you to get to bed. Your own bed.” Farrier said, the blonde looked disappointed to say the least.

“I want this, I really do. But not when you’re drunk, and if you stay here I might just do something I regret doing while you’re in this state.” Farrier said, he sat up and pulled Collins into a sitting position next to him.

“Plus, who knows who’s out in the corridor. Not safe.” He said sadly, Collins stood up and collected his clothes.

“S’okeh, I understand.” he mumbled, Farrier wasn’t sure if he was just saying that because he was drunk or if he genuinely did understand. The blonde picked up his shoes and coat and wandered slowly to the door. He peered out, and threw a sleepy, drunk smile back at Farrier’s bare legs before he left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): mentions of past hallucinations.  
> Well, hope everyone enjoyed this chapter, it was a little longer than usual! Thank you to everyone who leaves comments, they mean so much to me because I can interact with you lovely people! And thank you to everyone who leaves kudos, or is even just reading alone quietly!! 
> 
> This is my  tumblr  if anyone wants to chat.  
> Until next time, happy reading.


	50. A Looming Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday all! I've had a long day, I woke up at 5am to get to work at 6am. I finished at 1pm and literally went straight to uni, and wasn't home until 6:30pm!! I'm tired as heck but I'm glad I still made the time to upload this. Hope everyone's Mondays were ok!!

It was a cool Sunday, November would be in a few days. The weather was colder, but the flying hadn’t ceased. The boys were racking their hours up to the golden 75, and they couldn’t be happier the closer they got to getting their wings. A letter had promptly been sent to Stella asking for a meeting between her, Collins and Canfield. She accepted, and it was today that she was to attend the meeting. All the boys on base were flitting about her as soon as she arrived, Collins felt bad for the lass as she clearly wasn’t enjoying the attention at all. The meeting went very quickly, Collins was pretty sure Canfield just wanted to meet her and make sure she knew what was happening. The date had been set for the expulsion, the 20th of December. Apparently, there was a lot more paperwork involved than Collins imagined, return of all uniforms, flight logbooks, discharging of military personnel, and a lot more garble that Collins was fairly certain Canfield was the only one in the room of the three of them who knew what he was talking about. There would be a sooner date to interview the three boys in question, and also separately interview Collins, both events tabled for the 15th of November. Then after that, Canfield had triangulated the visit of the Assistant Chief of the Air Staff from the Air Ministry, William Douglas, to be both for the reviewing and appointment of Gatwick as an official fighter station, as well as the final decision making regarding the three troublesome boys to all take place on the 1st December. It was all snowballing, happening so fast but the blonde was glad. That said, Collins did feel bad that they were going to be expelled right before Christmas, and so close to getting their wings too, but when he thought about what they’d done to him any guilt was forgotten. Stella and Collins left the meeting together,

“Thanks for going through with all this Stella, I know yae don’t really know me, I really appreciate what you’re doin’.” Collins said to her in the hallway.

“I don’t have to know someone well to help them, Collins.” she said, a smirk on her face as she used his last name, something she was finding amusing to hear Canfield say during the meeting.

“Yer a good person, Stella.” Collins replied, and walked her to the front door of the base. She smiled kindly at the blonde and jabbed his arm playfully.

“Well, I’m probably playing at the bar for the foreseeable future I think,” she said,

“If I have the time I’ll come visit, otherwise we’ll see each other on the 1st of December, yeah?” the blonde said. he could tell Stella was nervous about all the formalities she would have to be part of, but nonetheless she didn’t show any signs of backing out.

“Yep, I’ll be there.” Stella said, and held her arms out for a hug which Collins gladly gave after the huge help she was being. He wasn’t sure yet if Stella fancied him or if she was just very friendly, but either way he liked her company.

After the meeting there was more flying to be done in the afternoon and it was in one of the Oxfords. Wingnut was full of excitement, it was bomber training after all. The three lads managed to get themselves into the same group as usual, plus Canfield. Wingnut had begun speaking to Canfield privately about his desires to transfer, so the man allowed him to pilot their flight today.

“Right Timson, both engines checked?” Came Canfield’s voice through the headsets to everyone,

“Yes.”

“Taxi out when safe.” The man said. Wingnut checked the airstrip for incoming planes, people walking, the coast was clear. He pushed the throttle lever forwards and the engines roared to life. Collins was the navigator today and Dawson was the wireless operator. They wouldn’t be communicating back to base but only within the plane itself. Canfield was hovering around checking everyone was on track, the plane began to rumble along the tarmac and soon was gathering speed. Sitting in his seat which was quite far back from the nose, Collins couldn’t see the ground at all but he knew the exact moment the wheels left the earth. From his first plane flight to this one it was always unmistakable, absolutely unmissable. The sheer force of such a large mass moving upwards away from the earth pushed everyone down hard into their seats, coupled with the fact that Wingnut had been used to flying the fighter trainers so he took off at a steeper angle than was perhaps advisable, Collins’ neck was almost in pain from the downwards pressure.

“Ease off, lad.” he heard Canfield say over the intercom, he looked forward and the man was moving the control forwards a little to lessen the angle of the plane.

“Uh, sorry Canfield. Used to the fighter trainers I guess,” he said,

“It’s not to worry, nothing would have happened, just not so comfortable taking off at this angle.” he explained. The plane gained altitude, Timson careful not to sacrifice too much speed for height as they’d been told all about stalling in bombers, and how it wasn’t as easy to regain control of the plane as it was in fighters. Eventually, they reached 15,000 feet, the height at which they would train today.

“Collins, where are we lad?” Canfield’s voice crackled through the headphones in the helmet. The blonde checked the map in front of him,

“Over the fields still, are we not?” he asked,

“More specific than that!”

“Uh, over the fields and facing north?”

“Yes, that’ll do!” Canfield laughed. The rest of the flight was spent with Canfield lazily teaching some of the aspects to flying bombers, of which Wingnut was listening intently. They also took time to merely gaze out the front, it was easier to do in the bomber trainers, they weren’t as slight as the fighter trainers so one could almost forget about piloting for a few moments. The Harvards were very sensitive and nobody felt comfortable admiring the views in them in case the plane decided to fly through a pocket of air and drop a few feet, in a bomber these things were negligible. Timson liked that about the bigger planes, they were sturdy, he was always heavy handed with any sort of motor skill, so it made them much easier for him to fly properly. That, and he felt so much safer and less exposed in them. After about 45 minutes, it was time to turn the plane back around to land. They flew back over the fields and to base.

“You’ll be okay landing this one?” Canfield asked,

“Should be,” Wingnut laughed. He lined the plane up with the runway, let off the throttle enough that the weight of the plane began pulling it out of the air, while lowering the landing gear down.

“Drop the nose a little more,” Canfield said, Timson did as instructed and at last, the familiar jolt of the plane touching down was felt, albeit clearly landing on the port wheel before the starboard, but a safe landing nonetheless.

“Not perfect, but coulda been worse right?” Wingnut said,

“It was very good actually, especially since you’ve been in the fighter trainers most of the time.” Canfield smiled at the lad. They all got out of the plane and took their kits off. Collins looked forward to owning his own soon. _Soon_. He thought, he’d be a qualified pilot soon. The thought alone was enough to send him giddy.

Later that night in the dining hall, which by now was cramped with half the tables being filled with radar technology, huge maps and clutter, the boys yet again spoke about Wingnut’s departure as they ate their vegetables.

“So you’re absolutely sure.” Dawson said,

“Yeah, I’ve talked to Canfield about it a few times, he doesn’t mind, he’s actually been in contact with Bomber Command for me to help with the transfer.” He said, Collins still wasn’t enjoying the prospects of his friend leaving.

“Will we see you much?” he asked,

“I don’t know. I’ll be living somewhere off base, there aren’t really any colleges like this one where there is board available, but surely we’ll both have time off yeah?” he asked around the table through noise of eating and chatter.

“Yeah, hopefully you’re close to Gatwick though.” Dawson said. The two blondes shared a moment of sadness as Wingnut tucked into his food. A moment of knowing.

Everything would change once Timson was gone.

“So is anyone actually sticking to having one shower a week?” Wingnut’s characteristically odd and out of the blue question broke the silence, Collins answered,

“Yeah, yer meant to wash with a flannel at the sink every other day, but it’s too expensive for the base if everyone showers more than once.” He said,

“Oh, I should probably stop then,” he grinned.

“I mean, there’s nothing in place to police it.” Dawson pointed out,

“Yae, but I feel bad wasting the base’s money, yae know?” Collins said. He genuinely did, and up in the highlands he was used to no showers at all, and a bath occasionally. It was the norm to wash at the sink in his house except for when they were able to boil enough water to make a bath worthwhile. Collins was glad he was an only child for that particular instance, there was never any squabble over who would get to bathe first while the water was warm. They didn’t have an overwhelming amount of money, no. Collins didn’t mind at all, and because of his upbringing, the showers here were heavenly, warm, and very peaceful he found, something he was not at all used to yet even after months of using them.

After dinner they played questions and commands for old time’s sake. Collins was in a particularly nostalgic mood and Wingnut was at the forefront of his thoughts. Dawson and Collins of course preferred cards, but this childish game amused their friend to no end, so they played.

“Question or command, Dawson?” Timson asked.

“Question, I’m still scarred from being told to scream down the hallway that night” he laughed. A bottle of half finished alcohol had appeared, at the ready in case anyone backed out of a command.

“Okay, why do you fancy that skinny girl?” he asked.

“Donnae be rude about Stella,” Collins mumbled to the group,  
“Yeah, she’s nice, and she’s not even that skinny. Even if she was, there’s nothing wrong with that.” Dawson said defensively.

“Hey mate, didn’t mean anything by it, just asking.” Wingnut said warily.

“Well, I suppose she’s sweet, but, I dunno. She’s kind of unique I guess, she didn’t look like she was trying to impress us all, she was just, happy being her.” He said. It was the first time Collins could remember Dawson being flustered. It was endearing.

The following Tuesday, it was finally November. The fact that it was the month that Anderson and his idiotic friends were to be expelled was so comforting to Collins, it had a profound effect on his ability to learn and pay attention in class, even though they still sat behind him in class, the knowledge that they’d be gone soon was  relieving to say the least. Plus, everyone had now heard of the so-called Munich agreement, which to Collins’ limited knowledge of it, meant that Germany was given some land to please its tyrannical leader Hitler, and that they had been given that land to convince him not to make war over it. Collins never really read into politics at all and usually knew very little of what was going on, so that information had come from the broken description Wingnut had given him over breakfast, Dawson in too much laughter from the brunette’s shocking inability to explain anything properly to help explain it any better to Collins. The blonde was therefor unaware that Germany and Czechoslovakia were already at an undeclared low intensity war which had started on the 17th of September over said land, and unaware that Poland had moved its army units to the common border with Czechoslovakia in readiness.

It was raining hard, almost hail. Classes had finished for the day and Collins headed upstairs, bypassing his own room altogether in favour of Farrier’s. The brunette was inside, sitting at the little coffee table staring out at the grey skies and the rain pattering loudly against the glass. Collins shut the door quietly and walked up to Farrier, putting his hands on the man’s shoulders before leaning down and nuzzling into his neck.

“Hey Collins,” Farrier smiled, letting his head fall to the side so he could steal a kiss from the blonde.

“Hey yourself,” Collins smiled, and took the seat next to Farrier. The brunette loved how affectionate Collins was getting, he was so sweet and cuddly, especially when it was cold, it made Farrier feel like his heart was going to burst.

“Were yae thinking about somethin’?” Collins asked,

“Ah, nothing important, just worrying about the political climate,” Farrier chuckled.

“Yae need to stop worryin’ about that, it won’t change what happens.” Collins said, and reached a cold hand out to Farrier’s warm one.

“Might do,” Farrier smiled sadly. Collins stood up,

“I’ll be right back.” he said, before tip-toeing to the door and peeking out, slipping into the corridor when he was sure the coast was clear, Farrier could hear the lad’s own bedroom door open next to his over the hard rain. It was earlier than usual to be in Farrier’s room. The sun wasn’t even down, Collins checked his watch, only 15:48. He smiled at his own eagerness to see Farrier, and carried on doing what he was, which was collecting his sketchbook. He didn’t like to imagine Farrier worrying so much about the future, hopefully his drawings would calm the man down.

Collins returned looking nervous.

“Everything okay?” Farrier asked,

“Yes, everything is.” Collins said definitively. He was a little nervous to show Farrier his work, he’d seen a few here and there but not all of it. Collins had never gone through a full book of his work with anyone. He sat at the coffee table listening to the rain on the window. It was a beautiful sound, and the dull light that filled the room was calming. It wasn’t a strong light from a blue midday sky, just a bleak grey coming through the heavy clouds outside. He opened the book and gave it to Farrier.

“Look through this, maybe it’ll calm yae down.” he said quietly. Farrier carefully took the little book, it was getting scrappy from overuse, pages loose, the cover was warped, a few rips in the paper here and there. It was very well loved.

He smiled as he turned the first page to a thistle. Of course, what more could he expect from a Scotsman? It was very well drawn of course, a sharp lead pencil etching all the little details of the plant. Next Farrier turned to a drawing that appeared to be from a train window, the wooden frame was clear but the view was drawn very lightly and hazily.

“Uh, that was from my train ride doon here.” Collins mumbled, leaning over to look with Farrier.

“England or Scotland?” the man asked of the scene outside the window in the drawing,

“Scotland. Near the border though.” the blonde replied.

The next page Farrier flipped to was one of some flowers in a garden. It was incredulous how much detail the lad had put into this. Farrier huffed in amazement at the drawings. They were very, very good.

“How long have you been drawing?” he asked softly.

“Eh, lot of my life. Didnae have too many friends in school, would mainly sit by myself and draw.” Collins answered wistfully.

“Not that I minded bein’ a loner, I don’t mind my own company at all, in fact I think I’m great company!” he added. Farrier reached one hand out, other one still holding the book open, to rest on Collins’ leg.

“You are great company.” He mumbled as he scanned the book. His thumb caressed the material of Collins’ trousers as the he smiled down at the drawing, then he retracted his hand to flip the page of the book once more. There were a lot of landscapes, some mountainous and obviously Scottish, others flat and English. There were drawings of houses in the suburbs of Gatwick, each brick deliberately sketched and detailed. As Farrier continued through the little book, there became more sketches of parts of the base, objects from Collins’ room such as his little clock, one drawing Farrier could remember being shown already. There were some of the night sky and at the bottom of the page, part of the building. Farrier recognised the view as being that from the windows in the hallway outside their rooms. He smiled at the thought, and Collins leaned his head on Farrier’s shoulder as he studied the stars drawn on the paper. There were drawings of the runways and little sheds which could be seen from their bedroom windows. He was already halfway through the little book, and now some planes were making their appearances on the pages, as well as bird’s eye views, obviously which Collins had remembered from flying lessons. Farrier was getting near the end of the book, when two drawings caught his interest. The first in the entire book of aspects of people, the rest of it had been nature or objects. There was a crisp shirt collar and a dark tie, and the beginnings of whoever’s neck was wearing the clothing. Then there was a sketch, looser in nature than the others, much less refined, of a hand holding a pen which was writing on paper, and another hand resting in a fist on the table beside the writing hand. He almost dismissed them before he realised, they were of him. Farrier usually had his other hand in a fist while he wrote, it always ended up that way due to concentrating on writing, it was the only detail that gave Collins’ drawings away. The brunette smiled warmly at the lad, who was blushing.

“Hope yae don’t think that’s weird,” he mumbled.

“I don’t. I think it’s lovely,” Farrier said. And he meant it, he was a little flustered, the drawings were excellent, he was happy Collins felt so strongly as to make him the subject of two of them, even though drawing people clearly wasn’t what Collins was interested in doing most of the time. He turned the page to a proud drawing of the Hurricanes, all lined up together, the black and white bellies visible on the closer ones. Farrier hummed, the boy had sure done the planes justice. He turned the page again and it was another drawing of people, more complete than the ones of Farrier, and much more obvious who it was. Three figures with their backs to the page, in full RAF uniform. Two blondes, and one brunette. It was Collins and his friends. They were standing together watching some planes fly in the sky above them, the image was more emotionally charged than Farrier was expecting to find in this sketchbook, it tugged at his heartstrings to see the little drawing of them all. He turned the page and realised he’d finished the book. The fact that Collins had chosen to use his last page on his friends was touching.

“They were beautiful, Collins. All of them.” Farrier said, and handed the book back.

“Thanks” Collins smiled,

“Calmed yae down then?” he asked.

“Very much so.” the brunette breathed. He reached over and laced his fingers with Collins’ as he smiled at the lad. Someone cared for him and not in the way Canfield did, this was very different. Collins bringing his book of drawings to look at felt so personal, so special.

“Havnae shown anyone an entire book before.” the blonde muttered as if reading Farrier’s mind. The older man’s lips twitched in sentiment and he squeezed Collins’ hand.

“I feel honoured,” he said.

“You’re the right person to show,” Collins said with a happy smile.

“Don’t happen to have any biscuits stashed away?” he added. Farrier chuckled,

“Not today, unfortunately. Think my admirer has gone shy after not getting anything back from me,” he smiled.

Then their blue eyes locked, and in that moment, nothing else existed. Farrier leaned in slowly, both of them smiling peacefully, and he kissed Collins on the lips. There was no urgency, he just wanted to show Collins how much he appreciated him. And the blonde knew just how much, he could feel it, feel the emotion behind Farrier’s lips as they softly pressed against his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, everyone, I love you all ❤️  
> My tumblr is s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com if anyone wants to chat! (I'm trying to learn to embed hyperlinks into notes but sometimes I just fail ok sorry)  
> Until next time, happy reading ❤️


	51. A Trip to Northolt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday folks! As usual there are mountains of uni work for me to do but I have my priorities straight, upload Monday won't stop for anything (except when i lose track of how late it is and upload half past midnight heh)
> 
> I would strongly recommend you look up at least some pictures of an RAF link trainer before reading, things will make more sense.

The week had been filled with flying, both in fighter trainers and bomber trainers. Collins was finally getting used to Farrier’s voice over the radio enough that it didn’t send shivers down his spine whenever he heard it so intimately projected into his ears from the headset. The next week there was to be an excursion, attendance was compulsory. The entire group of new students were going to RAF Northholt base in London proper. As Canfield described it, it was unlike Gatwick in the sense that it wasn’t a boarding school, and it was more or less a few sheds and planes. They had something called a link trainer at Northholt though, the purpose of the excursion. Collins wasn’t entirely sure what to expect but from what he gathered it was an indoor fake plane which one sat in, and it was connected to the floor, and a lid was closed over the cockpit so all you could see were the controls, not the room around you. It was meant for testing navigational skills as well as general flight handling. There was some sort of table on which a map was projected, and the flight path the student in the link trainer was taking. The instructors could observe the table to see if said student was on track, but the student would have no clue how well he’d gone until he’d gotten out of the contraption and walked over to the table to see his progress. It all sounded terribly confusing and unnecessary to Collins, who was happy going up in the bomber trainers with the window flaps down to do navigation. But, the officers all seemed very much in favour of the link trainer.

“Nah they’re fun,” Farrier chatted to Collins on the Friday night before the Monday on which they’d go to Northolt. They lay on his bed together and listened to the rain,

“Sounds confusing, why not just go use the bomber trainers?” the blonde asked. Farrier took one of Collins’ hands in his own, tracing circles into his knuckles.

“The link trainer has no risk involved, you’re not flying. That, and its an amalgamation of all different kinds of planes in terms of handling. The bombers get you used to that specific plane, the link trainer doesn’t. It trains you for all of them.” He said. Collins huffed, of course Farrier was right, but he didn’t want to go on an excursion.

“I donnae wanna go,” he mumbled.

“Why ever not? It’s fun, like I said.” Farrier replied, sitting up to reach for a cigarette. Collins considered, why didn’t he want to go? He stayed silent as he thought about it,

“Want one?” Farrier offered a cigarette. Collins nodded, he hadn’t smoked in a while, maybe he’d like it more when he did it with Farrier. The man brought a small glass ashtray to sit between them and lit both cigarettes. Collins took it and puffed, continuing to think about why he didn’t want to go. It dawned on him,

“I don’t wanna go because I’m scared of everythin’ escalating.” he said.

“You may have to be more specific, it’s a one day excursion, pet.” Farrier said as he tapped his smoke on the edge of the ashtray.

“I guess, goin’ on excursion first, wings next, Wingnut leavin’, then I’ll be off to an Operational Training Unit somewhere.” he mumbled, the smoke was somewhat calming his nerves, but also making his head a little woozy.

“You wish you could stay here at Gatwick forever?” Farrier asked.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Become a peacetime officer then, you’ll spend every day here teaching others!” he laughed. Collins didn’t look very amused with that idea. Farrier reached his free hand over and rested it on Collins’ knee.

“Collins, you really think I’d let you get transferred to an OTU that isn’t here at Gatwick?” he asked softly. The blonde’s eyes closed in content. The future had been hazy in his mind up until now, knowing the small size of Gatwick and being unsure if there would be a new OTU here at any time in the future.

“Didnae know you had power over it,” he said.

“’Course I bloody do, pet. I am a Squadron Leader after all.” Farrier smiled, and so did Collins.

“Well, that’s one less thing tae worry about.” He said.

“C’mon, the excursion is nothing to worry about. Are you worried you won’t do well? Is that on your mind?” Farrier asked,

“A little,”

“Well that’s just silly. I’ve already told you you’re a great flier, link trainers are easy.” Farrier said, inhaling deeply from the cigarette. Sitting here with Farrier was doing wonders for Collins’ nerves.

“I still don’t want Wingnut to go to Bomber Command,” he muttered and put his cigarette out in the ashtray, Farrier followed suit and moved said ashtray off the bed.

“It’s what’s best for him. If he thinks he’ll do better over there, he will. Trust that he knows that much about himself, Collins.” Farrier said, shuffling closer to Collins.

“It’s not that, I just enjoy his company. He’s one of my best friends. My only friends.”

“You’ll still see him here and there. Send him letters if you want, plenty of lads do that to their mates in other sections,” Farrier said, and looked into Collins’ eyes,

“At least you get the chance to say goodbye to him, Jack. Not everyone is that lucky.” he murmured.

Collins swallowed hard, he didn’t want to think about loss. He rolled over onto his belly,

“You’re right,” he huffed, and then lay his head on the pillow. It smelled wonderfully of Farrier, it was making Collins feel so peaceful he might fall asleep. A warm hand stroked his cheek, and the mattress dipped as Farrier rolled over too, producing a small wince as he rolled onto his front. Collins lifted his head up in surprise at the sound,

“Yae alright?” he asked,

“Yeah I’m fine” Farrier smiled warmly. Collins wished he really was fine, it was still gnawing at the blonde’s mind all the things Farrier had told him about himself, and he hated that there was still shrapnel inside him, a physical ever present reminder of the events.

“I wish you could sleep here,” Farrier said softly.

“I could,” Collins replied, heart racing at the idea.

“Nah, sometimes Canfield speaks to me in the morning before we go down for brekkie. Wouldn’t want him finding you in here.” Farrier said, Collins pursed his lips in annoyance.

Then Monday rolled around, and it was time to visit Northolt.

“You know Dowding will be there, he frequents a lot of the bases and when Northholt told him we were coming, he got excited.” Canfield said at the breakfast table,

“I know,” Farrier said, absently staring into space thinking about Dowding’s precense as he nearly missed his mouth with his spoon of cereal. Canfield laughed at him.

“Seems like it’ll be an interesting day then,” Wingnut said,

“Indeed,” Dawson replied.

Breakfast was over fast, and soon the boys were all anxiously waiting in the hall by the front door for Farrier and Canfield. They appeared from Canfield’s office in full uniform, hats tucked under their arms. Collins looked at the floor to avoid being jabbed by one of his friends for staring or blushing. He was discreetly jabbed anyway by Dawson for looking at the floor, seemed it was inescapable.

“Right lads, off to the train!” Canfield said, and at those words the group began to move out of the building.

There was a sea of blue uniforms as they walked down the street, occupying the entire road and footpaths, the air was stiff and cold in the morning and the only sounds which could be heard above the footsteps of a hundred men were the occasional chirp of a nearby bird. They were still learning to march, but it wasn’t like they were going to be practicing marching to the train station. They arrived and in a very disorderly manner much to the officers’ dismay, all got their tickets.

The train was an overground to Collins’ happiness, it was much more enjoyable when he could see the surroundings rather than travel through an underground tunnel. The scenery was stunning, Collins would have drawn it if he had a new sketchbook to draw in. As the engine chugged along and the men all sat murmuring in the wooden carriages, Farrier thought back to what Collins had said that day about containment and release.

It was actually working.

No longer were they finding it so incredibly difficult not to flirt in public, to break uncomfortable eye contact, to act normal. It was easier to act ordinary and relaxed around each other. The blonde bastard was right. It made Farrier happy and mildly annoyed at the same time, that Collins had been correct in assuming the best for them both was to initiate something, going against everything Farrier had been saying the whole time. He smiled out the window,

“What is it?” Canfield asked,

“Oh, nothing.” Farrier muttered. Canfield knew much about him, but he’d always have secrets from the man, secrets just for him, and now secrets that he shared with Collins.

The train pulled into the station and the group walked to Northolt. It was a flat field of very short grass with a few large sheds, hangars and a very small building that looked like actual classrooms. Canfield wasn’t wrong.

Air Chief Marshall Dowding was on the path leading towards all the sheds and buildings. _Shite_ was the only word in Collins’ mind. He scrambled to remember exactly how to salute, resisting the urge to look for Farrier who was right at the front with Canfield. The two older men walked up the path, saluted at once, and Dowding saluted back.

“Rest, men.” he said.

They dropped their salutes neatly. Canfield reached to shake Dowding’s hand,

“Good to see you, Air Chief Marshall,” he said, Dowding shook his hand sternly,

“As for you, Canfield, and also you Farrier.” he said, a hint of a smile in his eye.

Dowding reached for Farrier’s hand which he took and shook also.

“Excellent to be here today. Thank you for allowing all the students the opportunity, Air Chief Marshall,” Farrier said,

“No bother at all. The state Gatwick is in these lads need all the help they can get!” he laughed. Farrier fought to keep his annoyance from showing on his face. Dowding was standing in front of a lot of sheds, Farrier thought. Gatwick was much better than this place, it was a lovely old building which was once the site of a beautiful school, turned into an RAF college. Just because Gatwick RAF didn’t pick the best of the best students from a sea of applications like the only other RAF college, Cranwell, didn’t mean it was invalid, certainly didn’t mean it was as awful as Dowding made it out to be. Farrier supressed a sigh.

The two officers walked off into one of the sheds, and Dowding resumed a salute. The lads got into single file rather easily, and as each one walked up the path, they held a salute for three steps before, and three steps after reaching the Air Chief Marshall, as was customary when saluting whilst walking. Collins saluted just like everyone else, wishing he was allowed to look at Dowding properly whilst doing so. But alas he kept his eyes firmly fixated on the nothing in front of him. Then he was inside, and was dropping his salute.

The shed was essentially an empty gymnasium. Then Collins spied some older looking pilots marching past in perfect sync outside the window. He felt his heart in his chest, felt out of place and not ready enough to be here. The entire group eventually got inside after saluting Dowding, possibly a more daunting task than flying in the awful winter conditions they’d been having as of late. Right in the middle of the room was the fabled link trainer. It looked like a poorly made plane with a metal hood over the top instead of a clean canopy, stuck onto a metal shaft attached to the ground with several cables running off in all directions. Nearby Collins saw the table on which the link trainer’s illusory location was shown.

“Now, Gatwick cohort. No doubt you know of the link trainer. This is a fine piece of modern technology, and today you will have the privilege of trying it.” Dowding addressed the group in a loud and commanding voice.

The first to go in was actually Canfield. He got up into the contraption and the lid shut. The trainer began to move, like some sort of ride. The group heard Canfield laughing to himself from the inside.

“This is fun!” he shouted. Farrier shook his head as he walked over to the table to observe. Canfield was more of a child than he was these days.

“Canfield, I’ll need you to make a 90 degree turn to port!” Dowding said loudly. Farrier watched the projected map on the table, a dot was appearing in the direction Canfield was ‘flying’ in the trainer, and it was leaving a trail to show where he’d been. It was fascinating, and sure enough it turned sharply to the left.

“Up to 15,000 feet,” Dowding requested. On the edge of the map were several numbers, they flipped over as the trainer gained imaginary altitude to display the altitude and the airspeed.

Canfield only had a short run, he knew how to fly a plane already. The boys all lined up to try the trainer. Anderson had pushed his way to the front of the line with Johnson and Charles in tow, and it actually gave Collins a lot of joy to see the boy so excited to try the link trainer, knowing it would all be for nothing. Judging by the way the three troublesome men had been acting, they hadn’t the slightest idea that their lives were about to change, and any chances of a career with the RAF would be in the gutter for them.

“What are you smiling about?” Dawson murmured to Collins,

“They’ll be out of here soon enough.” he replied. Dawson slapped his back in gladness, and soon everyone settled as Anderson climbed into the link trainer. Farrier and Canfield were stood around the table watching the dot as it presented itself on the map, where Canfield’s dot was now completely gone. It was a sort of light emitting contraption, Farrier realised upon looking underneath the table. Of course, nobody who wasn’t standing at the table really knew how well the man inside the trainer was doing, but it was nonetheless interesting to watch the thing move about and whirr as it was controlled from the inside.

Everyone was having a turn of around four minutes, “barely enough to determine anything about actual flying abilities,” as Dowding had put it, but there were roughly one hundred of them and if they wanted to be done within the day, it had to be that way. Collins, Dawson and Wingnut were unfortunately near the end of the group, and by the time half of the line had gone and had their turn, the rest of the line now sitting on the slightly dusty wooden floor instead of standing, it had already been around three hours.

Collins was starving, it was lunch time. They shuffled forwards on the floor as yet another student clambered out of the contraption for a very brief talk about his progress at the map table.

“’Ave half a mind to ask if I can go get lunch, but I don’t know any of the stores around here.” Collins murmured to Wingnut.

“I’ll come with. Hey Dawson, want lunch?” he asked the other blonde,

“Sort of, but won’t we lose our place in line?” he said.

“Probably, I’m starving though.” Collins murmured, the gym was fairly quiet save for the mechanical sounds from the trainer and Dowding’s booming voice.

“Should we go up and ask if we can go?” Wingnut suggested.

“Yeah, let’s do it. Come on,” Dawson stood up and brushed his trousers down. Everyone looked at the three as they walked up to the map table where the three senior officers were watching intently at the small dot moving. Farrier looked up to see Collins and friends standing awkwardly at the side of the table. Their eyes were all following the little dot on the table like dogs following a stick being waved in front of them.

“Yes?” Farrier said, all three jolted.

“Eh, we were wonderin’ if we could maybe leave to find some lunch? We’d come right back.” Collins asked.

“Have you no manners, boy? Address your senior officer properly, now!” Dowding snapped. Collins was already pale but he was fairly certain his face had lost all pigmentation at that. He was scared into a salute, and he heard his friends follow suit behind him. Canfield looked at Farrier, who looked back at Canfield. They both chuckled,

“Rest, boys” Farrier laughed, he and Canfield hadn’t saluted back, the three lads dropped their salutes, still terrified of Dowding.

“Farrier?” Dowding asked calmly, though Collins could hear clear irritation through his strained voice.

“Dowding, with all respect, they’ve barely had any practice saluting, marching, addressing.” He said,

“You have, and you too Canfield. What’s the matter with you all at Gatwick? You treat it like it’s just a school with no military involvement! Salute, I say!” he said sharply, and saluted, Farrier and Canfield did the same, and as was customary even though they’d just done it already, Collins, Dawson and Wingnut saluted back. Once they all dropped their salutes, Canfield addressed Dowding,

“Now. Surely the lads can go get a bite to eat, they’ve been waiting in line three hours!” he chuckled.

“Yes, off you go lads. But nobody is saving your spot, you’ll be in the trainer last.” He said angrily.

“That’s fine, thank you.” Collins said, unsure if the words had all tumbled out of his mouth too fast or too heavily accented to be understood. The three stalked off out the door.

“Easy on them Dowding, they only started in May this year.” Farrier said.

“They’re not up to scratch at all. You will up the training.” He said. Farrier took a breath and crossed his arms, barely noticing the lad climbing out of the trainer and walking over to them. Dowding gave the boy a sentence or so about his flying, he hadn’t actually said anything positive to any of them, even though they were all fine. Canfield rested a hand on Farrier’s shoulder, well aware he was about to kick off at Dowding. The older man shook his head, and Farrier’s eyes said _please, just this once._ Canfield remained stoic, and when Farrier finally sighed and uncrossed his arms, shoving his hands in his pockets instead, he took his hand off the man’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was a bit longer and more plot heavy than the chapters have been as of late, but you can't blame a history buff for getting lost in this stuff!  
> It's always interesting when Dowding features in a chapter, writing a real person into a fic is an interesting experience.  
> As always, thank you all for reading and supporting me and my lil (big) fic!!
> 
> This is my [ tumblr ](https://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com/) if anyone wants to talk dunkirk with me !
> 
> Until next chapter, happy reading ❤️


	52. Northolt Explorations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday folks!

Collins, Dawson and Wingnut walked out of the training shed and back down the path to the street. The air was still crisp, the skies still grey. They didn’t have a clue where they would find food, so they aimlessly walked along the footpath. Suddenly Collins was hit with emotion, related to Wingnut’s transfer. He took a sharp breath and tried to continue walking with the others, but it was hard to pretend nothing was on his mind.

“Hope we find something soon,” Dawson said. The skies began to open up, tiny raindrops flew through the air, not yet heavy enough to fall downwards. The three walked along with hands shoved in pockets, noses getting cold, until they found what appeared to be the main drag of the area. Stores selling food, clothing, mechanical parts, all along one windy cobblestone street with barely a car in sight. Wingnut spotted somewhere advertising ‘warm food’ so they hurried in and were greeted by smells of rich, hearty soups and assorted lunches.

The three sat inside looking out through the window at what was now actual rain, they reasoned that the first around fifty students took three hours to get through their turns in the link trainer, so if they were okay with going last, they had three hours to kill until it would be their turns. To accommodate for other students who may have left for lunch too, they decided two hours out and they’d go back.

“This is probably the best soup I’ve ever had, excepting ma’s homemade beef stew,” Wingnut said, he’d ordered a beef and vegetable soup which looked incredibly filling, Dawson and Collins had opted for sandwiches which had been toasted and were piping hot. Collins was struggling to eat it due to the temperature, was probably going to burn his mouth, but it was so delicious and warm, and he was so hungry.

“You guys are the best!” Wingnut said, he’d stopped having his soup and was sitting proudly between the blondes. Collins put his food down,

“We’re gonnae miss yae." he said, trying to smile.

“That we will, my friend.” Dawson said,

“But you’re moving onto better things, Wingnut. It’s gonna be fun, and it’s not like we won’t ever see you,” Dawson reasoned.

That made Collins feel a little better, Dawson was good at that. They sat and ate in comfortable silence until they’d finished. Collins was just concentrating on enjoying Wingnut’s loud, often hilarious and always amazing company. Dawson was watching Collins pick at the crust of his sandwich, he’d eaten it very quickly but halfway through he’d started just fiddling, like he wasn’t hungry after complaining of being starving, his whole demeanor had changed in fact. Dawson noticed things Wingnut didn’t, he was more in tune with the subtleties of other people than the brunette. He wanted to say something to Collins, but thought it better to wait for a more private setting.

“You lads excited to try the trainer?” Wingnut asked, finishing his soup. Collins realised he was the only one still eating. He cleared his throat,

“Kinda, sounds like a regular plane but yae cannae see anythin’,” he said.

“Yeah, but it should be interesting to see how we go.” Dawson replied.

“I think it’ll be disorientating, it’ll show us if we really are as good as we think, not being able to rely on sight.” Wingnut said. The blondes agreed. Collins forced himself to finish his toasted sandwich, but he wasn’t hungry anymore.

“Say Wingnut, we should all go out before you go to bombers. You leave just after the graduation ceremony yae?” he asked.

“That’s right.” the brunette replied.

“Well we should make a point of doin’ something. Make sure nothing gets in the way so we can have a night oot,” Collins said,

“Definitely, if not more than one!” Wingnut laughed and threw an arm around each of his friends.

“Let’s go out tonight!” he said in typical Wingnut fashion. It was Monday.

“Yae know what the day is?” Collins laughed, god he’d miss this whacky lad.

“I know what day it is. It’s partying day!” he said. Dawson shook his head,

“Anything for you, Wingnut. Gotta make the most of your last days in fighters, so whatever you say goes!” he laughed.

“Whatever I say? In that case Dawson, go dance in the rain!” he laughed. Dawson stared at him with disbelief in his blue eyes. It was pouring. Then slowly he got up, much to the shock of Wingnut and Collins. He flashed a cheeky grin before walking out into the wet street and standing directly in front of the window his friends still sat at. Wingnut and Collins exchanged looks before Dawson indeed began to dance. He flung his arms around and span in circles in the street, the rain plastering his hair to his head and soaking his uniform. He had a huge smile on his face, it was pure happiness. He danced and danced, jumping about and flailing to an imaginary beat until finally, he walked tiredly back inside.

“There ya go mate,” he panted at Wingnut before sitting back down, dripping onto the floor and looking sheepishly at the wet trail of footsteps he’d left in the shop.

“I didn’t think you’d do it!” Wingnut laughed.

“It’s all about you mate, whatever you want, it’ll happen. The least we can do after all the laughs you’ve given us.” Dawson breathed, exhausted from his dancing. It seemed Collins had been roped into the game without expressing permission, not that he’d back down from this.

“Rightio then,” Wingnut rubbed his hands together.

“Collins, take the plates and my bowl back to the counter, but no hands.” he said. Dawson snorted.

“Aight lads, cannae be too hard,” the Scot smiled. Wingnut’s soup bowl went on top of Dawson’s plate, which he then precariously balanced on his head. He held his own plate in his mouth. With the other two sniggering, he walked slowly to the counter, bending down to place his plate down on it from his mouth, being so tall it was a difficult task, then the lady behind the counter took the other items off his head for him while laughing to herself. Dawson was in stitches, Wingnut had an expression of sheer shock, like he’d just discovered he had a superpower, it being that Dawson and Collins did whatever he said today. They left the store soon after, clinging to the walls where stores had overhanging sunshades to escape the rain. They didn’t want to go back to the shed, they’d be sitting in line for over an hour still.

“Let’s go exploring near the Northolt base!” Wingnut said, the blondes shrugged, and so the young men walked around under the trees, through long grass around the outskirts of the land that was Northolt RAF.

Farrier yet again checked his wrist where his watch used to sit. _Drat._ He needed to get another watch and soon. He wanted to know where Collins and friends were, it didn’t take this long to get lunch.

There wasn’t much around where they explored, but at least the trees offered coverage from the rain. Wingnut had been listing off silly commands for his friends non stop,

“Collins, eat grass!” he laughed as his brown hair dripped water onto his nose.

Collins bobbed down, grabbed a few long strands of grass and ate them. They didn’t taste all that bad, it was just grass, but it amused Wingnut to no end. He doubled over laughing, and once again Collins felt a pang in his gut, watching Timson in this pure bliss, it was miserable that he wouldn’t get to see this every day. Farrier was right, at least he got to say goodbye to Wingnut, instead of reading a generic report from the air force which had probably been mass printed with a space for someone to write the name of the unfortunate sod who was KIA. He pushed the thought from his mind immediately, but as usual he wasn’t able to hide his emotions. Dawson was looking at him caringly while Timson continued his laughing fit, now leaning against a tree without a care in the world. Collins shook his head and tried to smile, Dawson dropped it, but he’d be asking the Scot what was wrong later that night, he made a mental note to do so before joining in the laughter.

“Should we go to London city centre? Like to the Strand maybe?” Wingnut asked after his laughter had finally ended.

“As much as I wanna please you mate, the train there takes an hour, and we have to be back in there in an hour,” Dawson said, pointing in the direction of the shed.

“You’re probably right, as much as I wanna mess with you guys, I don’t wanna get in too  much trouble. I wanna go to London with you two again before I transfer though, in case things get hectic and we can’t find time when I'm in bombers.” he said.

“Kill two birds with one stone, go in for a party tonight,” Collins said.

“Brilliant! Okay boys, tonight, we are going into London centre to party.” Wingnut said definitively.

Somehow, they spent almost another hour walking through the wet grass under the trees, being told to eat various leaves, grass, even dirt in Dawson’s case, to dance, to sing, climb the trees, and a whole assortment of things by Wingnut.

It was time to go back to class.

They trudged directly through the long wet grass until they finally reached where it had been trimmed back, their uniforms would not thank them for all this wet grass-walking, the bottoms of their trousers were especially saturated, from not only being rained on but walking through overgrown grass for an hour.

They walked inside the shed, bedraggled and giggling. Farrier looked disapprovingly at them before they took a seat on the floor at the end of the line, which was considerably shorter than last they saw. Farrier walked over to them, leaving Dowding and Canfield to assess the students in the trainer for a while.

“Just a quick lunch, boys?” he asked, arms crossed glancing down at them. They looked sheepish, all trying to hide a smile. The man chuckled and shook his head,

“You’re all drenched, so I hope whatever you did was worth that." he said, and walked back to the table. He wasn’t mad, more amused.

Finally it was their turn in the trainer. Dawson took off his blazer as he didn’t want to wet the trainer too much, and it wasn’t like he could take his trousers off. Dowding barked his instructions, it seemed he’d gotten angrier, who wouldn’t after yelling at people for hours on end? Dawson got in and minutes later he got out and had a chat at the table, Collins noticed the boy was still dripping water. He chuckled to himself before getting up to have his turn, also removing his blazer, his shirt was somewhat wet merely from touching the heavy soaked wool. Farrier stared the mapping table down, he didn’t need to see Collins in a damp shirt right now, he'd never hear the end of it from Canfield. The lad climbed into the link trainer with his long legs, and shut the hood. Dowding went through the same movements he had with every other student. It was interesting, sitting inside. It was a normal dashboard like the other training planes, except he couldn’t see outside. Collins followed the instructions as best he could, it really was disorientating not being able to see the outside and when he climbed out and walked over to the table, he got worried as he looked at Dowding’s expression.

“Almost got the turning, need to focus more on the altitude.” was all he said. Collins nodded his head,

“Thank you,” he mumbled and walked off.

As Wingnut went to get into the trainer, seemingly unaware that his two friends had taken their blazers off as not to get it wet and therefor going in with full soaked uniform, Farrier caught Collins’ gaze and nodded, silent confirmation that his training had been fine.

On the train back the rain turned into hail. It pattered on the glass windows as the train rattled along. Collins was actually somewhat tired but he didn’t want to disappoint Wingnut so he shook himself awake, they were going to party tonight, for whatever reason.

They arrived back and the sun was almost down, it really was a full day excursion. Collins flopped onto his bed after taking off his wet clothes in favour of a warm turtleneck and soft trousers, and fell asleep. He didn’t mean to, but the all that walking in the cold had made him tired.

Farrier didn’t know where the lad was, but knew it wasn’t his place to be snooping around looking for him. Luckily it was almost dinner time, so he occupied himself for a short while with cleaning his office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that wraps up another week's update, time flies! Thank you all for reading along, I am ever thankful for your support ❤️ Here is my [ tumblr ](https://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com)  
> Until next chapter, happy reading ❤️


	53. Staying In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday folks! As usual I've had a packed day, but uploading a chapter makes me feel so happy, so I always find time to.

Dawson and Wingnut had no clue where Collins had gone, his door was locked, there was no answer and he hadn’t been at dinner. They were scouring the base for him, when they ran into Farrier.

“Mister Farrier?” Wingnut said, the man laughed.

“Yes Mister Timson?” Farrier said, Dawson tried to hide a snort.

“We can’t find Collins, do you know where he is?” Wingnut asked, unaware that Farrier had just mocked him.

“How should I know where the lad is? No idea, sorry boys” he smiled. Farrier continued walking to his room, wondering where the blonde was also. He’d missed him at dinner. Once in his room, Farrier got his answer. He walked close to their shared wall, the wall he knew Collins’ bed was against, and heard the faintest of snores. He smiled to himself, Collins must have collapsed after the day out.

Dawson and Wingnut felt bad going out without Collins, so they sat in Dawson’s room playing cards and chatting, they assumed Collins was asleep, it seemed the most reasonable explanation.

“Been asleep for a while, do you think something’s wrong?” Wingnut asked.

“I don’t think so, he’s probably tired from walking around all day in the rain. I’m tired too.” the blonde replied.

“Dawson, how long do you have to date a girl to go to the next level?” Wingnut asked without any warning that he was about to change the subject.

“You mean sex?”

“Mmhmm,”

Dawson chuckled.

“It’s probably different for each girl!” he smiled,

“But it’s just when you’re both comfortable with it, in my mind there isn’t a set date that it’s okay to do it.” he continued.

“Uh, okay.” Wingnut replied, sounding very unsure.

“Why?” Dawson asked,

“Well, I want to, but I dunno if Lucy does too.” he said.

“I’m gonna be honest mate, I don’t know what you did to charm her, but good work!” the blonde laughed. Wingnut went red.

“If she’s acting like she’s not ready then don’t force anything, just go with her pace, ya know?” Dawson said,

“Yeah, I will.” the brunette replied.

“Maybe you should ask Collins what he thinks whenever he wakes up,” Dawson chuckled.

It was at 20:45 that Collins woke. He bolted out of bed and ran to Dawson’s room. He banged loudly on the wood, forgetting people were probably getting ready to sleep soon. He heard two different laughs from the other side. Dawson opened the door,

“Mate, I’m sorry. I fell asleep and, Wingnut I didnae mean to ruin our London party night!” Collins blurted, still half asleep.

“No worries Collins. We had plenty of fun playing cards without you anyway. Another night, yeah?” the brunette said. Collins sat with them on the floor and was dealt his own cards. At least they still played this fairly regularly, with all the different training going on this was one of the rare stabilities in Collins’ life. This, and Farrier.

“So Dawson and I wanted to ask you,” Wingnut began, Collins put his cards down to listen.

“How long should a lad wait to go the next step with his girlfriend?”

“I’m gay, Wingnut.”

That sentence caused the brunette to laugh,

“I know mate, but surely you’ve got some sort of idea.” Wingnut said,

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” he added.

“Nae you didn’t offend me. But I really do have no clue, not like I’ve had a proper relationship before.” the blonde admitted as he went red thinking about Farrier.

“Ah, well Dawson here says there’s no certain time, that it depends on the girl” Wingnut continued,

“Sounds aboot right, yae.” Collins replied quietly, looking at his cards wasn’t helping to take the colour out of his cheeks.

“You alright mate?” Dawson asked. Collins probably looked slightly concerning, red in the face staring down his cards and barely breathing.

“Oh, yeah mate, I’m fine.” he said, trying to act more normal. Wingnut chimed in,

“He’s thinking about Farrier,” he said in a sing-song voice whilst grinning and elbowing Collins.

“Ey, knock it off ya eejit.” he said harshly. Wingnut did knock it off after a giggle.

Soon after the game had ended, Wingnut went to bed. They were all tired, Collins just happened to be the only one with so little self-control that he actually went to nap beforehand.The two blondes sat on Dawson’s floor,

“What was up when we were being stupid out under the trees today?” Dawson asked quietly. Sometimes Collins found it hard to talk to Dawson, he was so nice that Collins felt like he was burdening him.

“Ah, nothin’” he said, Dawson put a hand on his shoulder.

“Tell me, please?” he removed his hand. Collins sighed.

“I just donnae want Wingnut to leave, that’s all. Seeing him so happy today made me realise how much I’ll miss him.” Dawson just looked sadly at Collins. they both felt the same way.

“At least we’ll see him around,” Dawson murmured. Collins nodded.

“Can’t believe he got with Lucy, I’m still gobsmacked about that.” Dawson said with a smile.

“Agreed. Didnae think he’d find a lass, what with his inability to speak to any of ‘em” Collins smiled back.

“And you, and Stella, eh?” he added.

“Ah she’s pretty, I don’t see how I’m gonna get to know her though,” Dawson said rubbing the back of his neck,

“Yae never know.” Collins said.

“No, you never do. I’m hopeful, but we’ll see.” Dawson said as he stood.

“So, on the topic of romance,” he said as Collins stood too. Just when the Scot had managed to fight the heat from his cheeks it returned as Dawson asked his next question,

“Do you still fancy him?”

After a split second decision to be honest with Dawson, since he was always so kind to Collins, the blonde nodded measuredly as he looked down at the floor.

“Just asking mate, I’m sorry, we don’t have to talk about it again.” Dawson said,

“It’s okeh, we can talk about it sometimes, but not all the time,” Collins said.

“I am sorry nothing can happen between you two. But, I do support your feelings for him, Collins.” Dawson said. Collins had no clue if it was obvious from his shocked face that something was indeed happening between them, but Dawson didn’t comment even if he had noticed. Collins was very surprised at how supportive Dawson was, in fact both of his friends. He had never expected anyone to show him any kindness on this subject.

“Thank you,” Collins said, finally making eye contact with his friend. Dawson pulled him in for a hug. It was warm and grounding, as Dawson’s always were.

Collins trudged back past his own room, checked the corridor as usual, and slipped inside Farrier’s, who had now decided to always leave his door unlocked, for Collins.

“Evening, pet,” the man smiled. He was sitting in bed smoking, already in his pyjamas. Collins sighed and let a tired smile slip onto his face as he kicked his shoes off.

“You slept through dinner. I could hear you snoring.” Farrier smiled and put the cigarette out, moving his ashtray off the bed.

“Oh, sorry.” Collins smiled, his dimples catching Farrier off guard for a moment. Sometimes, somehow, Farrier spent so much time looking at Collins that he forgot to take a step back, and realise how very attractive the blonde really was.

“What?” the blonde said, noticing Farrier staring.

“Nothing, as I’ve told you before, you’re beautiful Collins.” he said.

“Now get over here,”

Collins plonked himself down on the bed next to Farrier and was pulled by a strong arm around his shoulders, until they sat with their sides pressed together.

“You did well in the trainer today,” the brunette murmured into Collins’ golden locks.

“Thanks, Dowding didnae seem to think so.” Collins huffed in amusement.

“Ah he said the same stuff to everyone, don’t worry.” Farrier said.

“Yae know Wingnut is with Lucy, the air transport girl?” he said. Farrier started laughing, a hearty laugh from deep in his belly.

“I find it hard to believe that, Collins” he said quietly, taking the blonde’s hand in his.

“It’s true! He asked me an’ Dawson tonight how long tae wait tae fuck her!” Collins said, Farrier wheezed in laughter.

“And how long should he?” the brunette asked.

“I didnae know, Dawson said just wait till she’s actin’ ready”

“Yeah that’s probably for the best,” Farrier said. He’d all but given up trying to stop Collins calling Timson that stupid nickname.

“Farrier?” Collins asked, his blue eyes looked worried.

“What is it, lad?”

“I need tae tell you somethin’” he said, shuffling to face Farrier more.

“It was never a relationship with feelings, it was just messin’ around, but… There was someone.” he said, looking down to their still interlocked hands.

“I expected there would be at least one, you’re a very attractive man Collins,” Farrier said, he didn’t seem fazed, which confused Collins as he’d been assuming it would be a big deal to Farrier. He blushed at the compliment and cleared his throat,

“It was another man.”

“I assumed so,” the brunette squeezed Collins’ hand.

“Don’t worry, I’ve had men before you too.” he said.

“Men? Plural?” Collins asked, relieved Farrier didn’t care so much about Ben.

“Yeah, I’m forty you must remember,” Farrier laughed. Collins smiled,

“Well you are a very attractive man, Farrier.” the blonde copied his words, making himself blush more than Farrier.

“You knew about one of them. That night, and then the time after when I tried to ignore you,” Farrier began,

“Ah. Yeah, you stunk of sex Farrier. I dunno how yae expected someone not to notice.” Collins said playfully. Farrier chuckled.

“I’ve never had a meaningful relationship with anyone else though. Only one night stands which I paid for.” he said.

The bit about sex workers went straight over Collins’ head. He sat up straight and looked at Farrier in the eyes.

“Relationship?”

Farrier’s expression softened. He’d said it without even meaning to, and wouldn’t have even realised if Collins hadn’t picked up on it. A smile made its way onto Farrier’s mouth,

“Yes, a relationship.” He said. Collins looked like he might spontaneously combust, to be fair Farrier wasn’t far off it either. He’d said it. They were in a relationship. His stomach was a bundle of nerves, to remedy it he pulled the blonde into a tight hug, resting his chin on Collins’ shoulder. The lad hummed and nestled his head into the crook of Farrier’s neck. Collins’ smell calmed Farrier, lulling him into a feeling of complete peace and content.

“Today was a great day.” Collins smiled as he finally pulled back.

“Glad you thought so after all that complaining about the excursion,” Farrier smiled, and placed a kiss on Collins’ forehead.

“Yeah yeah,” Collins said as he shuffled under the covers of Farrier’s bed. Something he hadn’t done before, but he felt comfortable doing it tonight. That, and he was cold. Farrier did the same, they lay on their sides facing each other under the blanket. Farrier’s bed smelled like him, and it was wonderful.

“Must have been a great lunch to be gone two hours and come back drenched,” Farrier said, a warm hand resting on Collins’ waist.

“Ah, yae we didnae just eat lunch. We played in the long grass and trees.” he explained.

“You’re all five year olds. What do you mean ‘played’ Collins?” Farrier laughed, pulling the lad closer to him.

“I mean we played a game, Dawson and I would do anything Wingnut told us to. So we were doing stupid things that he told us to, like eating grass, singing, that kind of thing.” he said, his own hand coming to rest on Farrier’s bicep over the cotton of his pyjamas.

“You three are such a worry, ever since I saw Wingnut dangling out of the window I’ve had to keep a close eye on you all,” he said,

“You called him Wingnut,” Collins smiled, Farrier chuckled and pulled Collins in for a kiss. It was so warm, and the closeness of their bodies was damn near killing Farrier. He needed more of Collins, but the lad wasn’t ready, he could feel it, feel it in the way he kissed and didn’t let himself fall apart, in the way he didn’t pull himself closer, in the subtle way he squirmed under Farrier’s tightening grip on his waist. The brunette let his lips part, tongue sliding out to run along Collins’ own lips. The blonde sighed into the kiss, Farrier tasted like tea and cigarettes. His plump lips were so soft and the way the older pilot knew just how to handle Collins nearly sent the blonde into a trance. They broke the kiss and looked into each other’s blue eyes. Collins had a peaceful smile on his lips, Farrier had the same smile. Moments like these in which they could look at each other and know, just know that this was the right thing to do, were bliss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, I'm so grateful ❤️  
> This is my [ tumblr ](https://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to chat!  
> Until next week, happy reading ❤️


	54. The Interviews

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monday again! I had completely forgotten that it was Monday until about halfway through the day and I got all happy after remembering I upload today lol  
> Hope everyone has a splendid week ahead of them ❤️  
> Trigger warning(s) in end notes.

It was the 15th of November. Interview day. They were doing it after class, Anderson and his group had already kicked up a fuss about it twice since being told. Collins could see in Anderson’s eyes, that he was scared. He should be, the blonde thought as they sat in class listening to Farrier. He was talking about coding in letters, the different kinds you could do. They all had sheets of paper in front of them and they were supposed to write a coded letter. Something about taking every first letter of every word and grouping them in threes, coded words had to alternate between every fourth and fifth word, there was some sort of alphanumeric key to go by as well. It was safe to say not a single student understood what Farrier was trying to say, and everyone’s pages were blank.

“Men, you need to understand this. Code is the way information is given if you’re held captive, if you go undercover, and sometimes even if you’re safe and sound and need something to be heard. We’re going to have a couple more lessons on it, but in the meantime, I want everyone to take a copy of these instructions and write a coded letter, I don’t care how long it is but please try to get it done.” He said, holding up a wad of paper. Collins wasn’t sure if it was cheating to get Farrier to help with it in his spare time. He decided he’d give it a good crack by himself before he asked the man. After lunch at the sandwich store, for the three friends it was time for more flying, today in the fighters much to Wingnut’s disappointment.

Each student was only up for about thirty minutes but it added up quickly they’d found, today Collins flew with Canfield. He liked flying with both the officers, and bias for Farrier aside, Canfield was a very decent flight instructor. Sometimes he’d tell one of his fabled stories through the radio if something had sparked his memory, but usually he was quiet, he let Collins fly how he wanted. Then, when they’d landed, he’d debrief him. Farrier tended to do it more on the go, advising as he went, so when Collins had landed with him they could just hop out of the plane. He was unsure which technique he preferred, they felt very different. As well as that, Canfield and Farrier picked up on different things. Farrier tended to advise Collins if he wasn’t being precise enough with his angles, if he was being too ‘nice to the plane’ as Farrier had put it. As much as Canfield seemed to have issues with Farrier’s flying style, if Collins could say one thing about it from seeing it during the times Farrier controlled the plane to lead by example, it was that it was extremely effective. He was precise, fast, and had pinpoint accuracy and that was all attributed to the way he wasn’t afraid to use the plane because as much as he wasn’t afraid to really test the thing, when it came down to it Farrier had a very steady hand, and had no trouble carefully manoeuvring the plane those few inches that made all the difference.

Canfield of course, was the opposite, telling Collins to ease off on the throttle, make his turns less sharp, and although Collins would never say it to his face, he was beginning to see that Canfield wasn’t as good at fine tuning the aim of the plane as Farrier was. Perhaps he was once, but not anymore.

Getting to know the two men in the air was a very interesting experience, they were similar to how they were on the ground, but also different. Canfield as a person was always more laid back than Farrier, even now as Farrier had grown used to the group of students. In the air, they both dropped most of their relaxed attitudes, Farrier more so than Canfield though, unsurprisingly. He was extremely concentrated, in truth it made Farrier a little anxious to joke about in the air, he preferred to have complete control and fly with perfect order. He supposed it stemmed from his accidents, and felt like somehow he could stay safer if he didn’t relax. He knew it made so little of a difference because in an actual dogfight nobody was relaxed, it was more the flying to and from places, the in between that he was still tense in, still in fight mode, still running on instinct, and he knew it was silly. Keep your wits about you of course, but Farrier was a little further down the line than that. Still, the way he flew made him feel safer in his mind, so he kept at it.

Canfield got sad sometimes, Farrier used to be a very relaxed flyer, but no longer. Canfield thought Farrier flew aggressively and everyone on the base knew that by now, the way the older man laughed about Farrier’s flying, but he meant it. Looking at Farrier’s plane from the ground, even in formation with him, to Canfield it appeared as if he was flying while angry. He knew it wasn’t the case, the brunette was just so wired in the air that it appeared that way. He knew Farrier would probably say that his own flying style looked too loose, too casual, like he didn’t have his wits about him at all times, like he wasn’t ready for anything to spring at him. He was ready, he just displayed it differently in his flying style to Farrier. One thing was certain though, Canfield would never agree with Farrier’s flying style, neither would Farrier agree with Canfield’s.

Collins landed on the runway, not his best by a long shot, one wheel hit the tarmac then bounced back up into the air, then a few feet further down the runway the plane made contact again, this time staying on the ground. He struggled to get the nose to stay pointing ahead this time, the contact with one wheel had thrown the plane a little, but Collins had seen worse landings, his mind flashed back to Miller. He took a breath, remembering Canfield was behind him and able to control the plane too, Miller didn’t have that luxury. The Harvard ground to a halt and they took their gear off for the post-flight debriefing.

“That was a good one, Collins. I think you’re getting a lot better with the stalling speed, and coming out of a stall. Spooky isn’t it, to hear the plane stop!” he laughed,

“Aye, unsettling. Good tae know you’re sittin’ behind me,” Collins laughed,

“Indeed. You handled that landing well, but next time, and don’t worry boy, everyone lands like that sometimes, even me, control less with the ailerons and more with the rudder.” he said.

“Ah got it, thanks Canfield,” Collins said as he unstrapped and walked away.

Soon after, Wingnut flew in with Farrier. Before the older pilot could so much as catch a breath the next student was wandering up to the plane for his turn. Farrier didn’t look annoyed or tired though, he looked raring to go, excited even. It was nice, every time Collins had seen Farrier in a flying lesson he was happy. The blonde realised he was staring and dragged his eyes away from Farrier as he saw Wingnut make for him and Dawson, who were currently sat in the door of one of the hangars, neither of them trusting the sky not to rain as the clouds got darker. They watched the two officers whizz about in the little yellow planes with the other students.

“So you’ve got the thing today?” Wingnut said.

“Aye, that I do. My interview with Canfield and Farrier,” Collins replied, Dawson clamped a hand on his back,

“It’s not like you could make it up, what happened to you.” He said, Collins let out an empty laugh, it was true though. He wasn’t sure if they would want him to go into detail about what happened to him while he was high, but even without that he probably had a compelling enough story.

“Wonder what shite Anderson and his mates’ll come up with,” Collins smiled.

“They won’t have any idea, probably just act dumb the whole time, pretending that they don’t know what happened, ya know?” Wingnut said, Collins nodded. He was still nervous. He was thankful at least, that he didn’t have to do the interview with the Charles, Johnson and Anderson watching him.

Eventually the whole class had done their short flight and were ushered back inside. Collins’ leg was bouncing under the table and Farrier knew why, all day the lad seemed jumpy. As soon as class had finished he walked up to him as he stood with his friends.

“See you in around an hour, then.” Farrier said, still holding the professional front.

“Yae, see you then,” Collins said, standing with Dawson and Wingnut. Farrier huffed at seeing the blonde so tense,

“He’ll be fine, tell him lads!” the man laughed, clapping Wingnut on the back,

“’Course you’ll be fine, Collins, you goof. You did nothing wrong mate!” he said. Farrier had gone by the time Collins looked away from his friend.

Farrier sat in the empty classroom with Canfield, who for some reason wouldn’t stop asking if he was hungry.

“Canfield, I am not hungry, and we’re about to interview the students.” he said, standing up to pace. Anderson would be here any minute.

“You’ve not eaten since breakfast!” Canfield pressed,

“Have you?”

“Yes, just now I had a sandwich from the kitchen.”

“Well I’ll eat later, happy?” Farrier said. It was incredulous how much Canfield still treated him like a kid.

“You know, I bet he’s got a cover story all worked out with them, he’ll have told them exactly what to say.” Canfield said. Farrier was very surprised because that sounded like something he himself would say, not Canfield. Canfield was too impartial to say those things,

“You dislike him more than I thought, to say that”. Farrier mumbled,

“I admit, he’s not my favourite. The main thing is he’s untrustworthy. He won’t tell the truth.” Canfield said,

“’Course he won’t. ‘yeah I deliberately drugged up another student’. That sounds like he’d get out clean doesn’t it,” Farrier said with a grin. He would be happy to see these three gone. They waited five minutes, then ten.

“He’s late.” Farrier tutted, staring at the clock on the wall.

Then the door creaked open, Anderson peered through.

“Good lad. Come in.” Canfield smiled. Farrier sat down behind the teachers’ desk, Canfield stood in front of it. Anderson, instead of taking a seat at the front which was very clearly what he was expected to do, he went to the second to last row of desks and took a seat.

“Can barely see you back there lad, come forward!” Canfield laughed. Farrier was glad he had been given the task of writing the interview transcript instead of conducting it, he might just have punched Anderson again if he’d had to deal with this boy. The memory of the physical education class brought a smile to his lips, even if he recalled Canfield shouting at him after he’d dealt with Anderson, it was worth it. Anderson smirked and took a seat directly in front of Canfield.

“Now, lad. Where were you on the night of the 24th of September? It was a Saturday night.” Canfield said. Anderson had been told he was being interviewed because of an unsafe situation a student had gotten in, and that a lot of students were being interviewed about it to see if they knew anything that could help. Of course he’d told Charles and Johnson not to mention any of the things they’d been doing, skipping classes, messing about with substances, getting into fights, including the events that transpired with Collins, none of that was coming to the surface today. Yet, he still didn’t know exactly what he was being interviewed about, he had to keep his wits about him, it could very well be something he and his mates did.

“Honestly, I can’t remember. Probably out somewhere considering it was a Saturday.” He said.

“Would it ring a bell to say you were at The Golden Deer?” Canfield asked. Farrier was writing all this down in shorthand, fast enough that he was also able to look up and watch it unfold before him, one thing he held above Canfield was his ability to write shorthand, something the older man could not do.

“Uh, I, it’s definitely a possibility. Like I said, I can’t remember that exact date. I go there a decent amount though, so yeah,” Anderson said, looking thoughtful. Whether real thoughtfulness or fake, Canfield couldn’t tell.

“I see. Well there was an incident involving another student there on that night. Do you usually go there with other students?” Canfield asked, channelling the same calmness he had in the air right now as he interviewed.

“Johnson and Charles, my wingmen.” Anderson smiled.

“And have you ever come across any other students there?”

“Of course, quite a few,” Canfield turned to Farrier, who raised his eyebrows to tell him to continue. There was no way Farrier was taking over.

“Do you remember seeing your peer, Collins, there at all?” Canfield asked casually. Farrier watched Anderson seize up.

“Uh, is he the Scottish one?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah he’s been there a few times I think” Anderson said, crossing his arms.

“Actually, he’s only been there once from what he tells us. And it was on the night of the 24th of September, Anderson.” Canfield tutted.

“Ah, then I must have been there then,” the brunette smiled.

“Well, then you may know something of what happened to Collins.” Canfield said, the response he got was a shake of the head and a confused smile.

“So when you saw him there you didn’t interact with him?”

“No we did, just didn’t know anything happened to him.” Anderson said.

“What did you do while you were there with him?” the man pressed, Farrier looked up from the page to see Anderson’s eyes flicking between him and Canfield. Nervous. Farrier cocked an eyebrow and tried to supress a smirk, _come on lad, speak._

“We just sat down together and had a pint, talked to some birds then went to play some cards.” Anderson said measuredly.

“Then what?” Canfield asked, Anderson was struggling not to go red as he lied through his teeth.

“Me and the lads decided to head home, Collins said he was going to stay longer so we said goodbye.”

There was silence.

“Is that all?” Canfield asked quietly.

“Yeah, what more should there be?” Anderson laughed.

“Something very serious happened to Collins, Anderson. He could have died that night and it’s because of someone at the bar with him. We need to find out who it was.” Canfield said.

“Well, shit.” Anderson bluffed shock. He ran a hand through his hair,

“I mean, I’m glad he’s alright, but I’m sorry I can’t help more.” he said. Canfield could see right through it, the lad didn’t look the least bit genuinely shocked.

Anderson’s knee began to bob.

Canfield turned to Farrier,

“I don’t know what to say, you take over.” he mumbled, and before Farrier could protest Canfield was pulling at the chair he was sitting on. He rolled his eyes and stood, walking around to lean on the front of the desk and face the lad.

“Why did Collins give us your name?” he asked plainly, he heard Canfield clear his throat in a very deliberate way behind him, wanting him to ask better questions most likely.

“I-I don’t know.” Anderson stammered. He then made the mistake of looking Farrier in the eye, he was met with a piercing blue stare, hawk-like, watching for any signs of weakness. The same look Farrier held in dogfights in the air. Anderson couldn’t hold eye contact and was forced to look back down at the floor.

“So you didn’t give it to him.” Farrier said angrily.

“No, I didn’t bloody give it to him! Why would I?” Anderson said. A more sensical response would have been to voice that he didn’t know Collins had been given something, to ask what ‘it’ was. Farrier let a smirk creep onto his face, he waited for Anderson to realise. A moment later the boy did, his face went red and he stared at the ground in front of him in terror. Farrier smiled and asked softly,

“Didn’t give him what, Anderson?”

“I dunno, whatever he was obviously given!” the boy replied, braving eye contact with Farrier again. His cold smirk was arguably even more unsettling than his focused glare.

“We hadn’t mentioned he was given anything before just now though. He could have been in a fight, fallen off something, what makes you think he was given something?” Farrier asked.

“You asked if I gave him something so I assumed.” Anderson said guardedly.

The interview ended soon after that, Anderson looked worried. Farrier opened the door to see Johnson waiting in the hallway. Farrier waited at the door so Anderson couldn’t tell Johnson anything.

The smaller lad sat down nervously. His interview followed a similar pattern, except this time Canfield directed the whole thing, now knowing how to get them to mess up thanks to Farrier. Though, Johnson’s story differed to Anderson’s, which was an even bigger tip off than the fact that he also denied giving Collins anything, even though he hadn’t been told he was given anything. According to Johnson he looked sick and tired before they’d left. The officers thanked him and shortly after, interviewed Charles. Again the story was slightly different, Charles’ version was that Collins left before they did after he was feeling dizzy. Again he denied having given Collins anything before he’d been told that Collins was drugged.

Then Collins meandered down to the classroom he’d been told to meet in. He waited outside the door and a few minutes after he’d arrived it swung open. Charles was let out, giving Collins an unfriendly stare as he walked past.

“Come on, lad.” Canfield said, and the blonde walked in and took a seat.

“So, on the 24th of September this year, you were at the Golden Deer?” the older man asked,

“Indeed.” Collins said. It was still a little uneasy to recall the events, but it was for the greater good that he go through this interview.

“And which students did you see there?”

“I saw Anderson, Johnson and Charles. No other students were there that I saw.”

Canfield hummed,

“And what happened that caused you to believe those three students are at fault?” he asked.

“I had a drink with them, and I’d left my drink on the table with them as I went to dance for a short while. When I came back I finished the drink, and soon after that I started feeling weird. I didn’t drink or eat anything else from the pub, only the drink on the table that I left with them.” Collins said measuredly, trying to focus on the calming sound of Farrier’s pen scratching on the page. Collins looked up to the brunette, noting that his left hand was balled into a fist as usual when he wrote, must be a concentration thing, Collins thought, remembering his drawings of it.

“I see. And how did you begin to feel?” Canfield asked. The blonde gulped,

“Eh, at first very stimulated, I was conversing with a lass, Stella actually, and it felt like the best conversation in the world even though it was just normal small talk. But then, kinda sluggish, and it got so bad I couldnae really lift my head off the table after I sat back down with the other students… Then I started seein’ things.” Collins said, he trailed off at the end and began fidgeting with his sleeve.

Canfield sighed, he turned to Farrier who had a solemn expression on his face. Neither of them liked hearing what Collins had gone through, but for the sake of having the information in writing, the questions had to be asked.

“So you hallucinated, and that was when you realised something had been given to you?” Canfield asked.

“Nae actually. Was a bit later into the night.” Collins said.

“And how did you come to realise who it was?” Canfield asked.

“Well, as Anderson left, he said it was nothing personal and that it was just the way it had to be. At the time it sounded like he was just talking about the fact that he was leaving, but later I realised, he was probably eluding to something more sinister.” Collins said. His mouth was dry, and it was making him jittery talking about it.

“So Anderson says he only saw you at the bar, and didn’t interact. How do we know that isn’t true?” Canfield asked.

“Well, I guess that’s where Stella comes in.” Collins chuckled,

“But, eh, I guess I donnae have any real evidence for yae, we played cards together, they had a game on about talkin’ tae birds, we all had to go chat to one which is how I met Stella. Sounds very characteristic of Anderson, doesn’t it?” Collins smiled. Canfield let a small smile onto his face, though still quite saddened by the fact that Collins had been taken advantage of and that it may have cost him his life.

“I think we have everything we need. Thank you Collins.” he concluded.

“Thank you too, both of yae.” The blonde said, standing.

“Collins,” Farrier started,

“I think I speak for both Canfield and myself when I say… We both believe you, you know. We just have to have it all done formally.”

Canfield nodded,

“Yes of course, we’re on your side, lad.” The older man smiled.

“Thank you. I appreciate that you’re willing to help.” Collins laughed, Canfield patted him on the back as he walked out of the room. Then both officers sighed at once.

“Right, glad that’s over with.” Canfield said.

“Me too,” Farrier replied, handing him the shorthand notes that they’d go through together at some point and transfer into regular writing so Canfield could read it. He hoped Collins was okay, he hadn’t even heard the full extent of the things Collins saw and did, he imagined he never would. Farrier just wanted to make sure Collins was alright, so when he headed upstairs that late afternoon, he didn’t head for his room, instead ducking into the door before his. To his surprise Collins’ room was empty, bed made, everything was very neat to Farrier’s approval.

Collins was in Wingnut’s room for a change, which was extremely messy compared to Dawson’s, which was rather messy compared to his own room. He just wanted to talk about other things to take his mind off the interviews and everything about the ordeal that night. Wingnut was good at that, jumping from crazy subject to crazy subject as they attempted a card game. Playing cards regularly was helping Collins to disassociate the negative emotions he had been attributing to cards for a few days after the incident. It was during a game of cards after all, that the effects began to make themselves known.

Feeling strange lingering in Collins’ room without him there, Farrier left. Only at dinner did they see each other. Fleeting glances when nobody was looking, raised eyebrows from Farrier and a silent mouthing of “okay?” with a very worried expression to accompany, a boyish smile and a nod from Collins to sooth Farrier’s anxiety over the matter. They didn’t see each other that night, Collins was in an introverted mood, the older man of course didn’t mind. Anything to make Collins happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning(s): mentions of drug use/overdose.  
> phew! Another week, another chapter. Hopefully everyone who despises Anderson and his friends enjoyed this one hehe.  
> This is my [ tumblr ](https://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com)
> 
> Until next chapter, happy reading ❤️


	55. Gatwick Becomes Official

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday all! I was worried I wouldn't be able to upload this due to uni work, but I got it all done in time so this is my reward to myself.  
> Hope everyone loves reading about planes flying as much as I do!

Collins hadn’t seen Stella since last she was at the base to meet the officers, he had said he’d try and see her at the bar again but he’d been too busy, and when he wasn’t busy he was with his friends or with Farrier. Today was the 1st of December, a Thursday. It was crazy to think, this was their last month as pilots in training. At the end of the month those who were successful would be getting their pilots’ brevets, their wings. It made Collins feel a little dizzy, to think that soon his uniform would be adorned with the little patch that meant he was an actual pilot. He knew he’d pass, it was very obvious from the way his flying was spoken about not only by Farrier but Canfield as well. There would be a decent amount of lads who would get called up to graduate who wouldn’t receive their wings, and would be graduating as ground crew instead and today as well as all this, was the official day that Gatwick was being appointed a fighter station. Having already received two shipments of warplanes, and having already had their air boundaries opened up to encompass most of the south east coast, there was only the official ceremony left to do, and it was happening over the lunch break.

It was pancakes for breakfast today, Collins poured honey onto his as he collected them from the front.

“Morning,” Farrier said sleepily. Collins jumped at the proximity, why wasn’t he at the start of the line for food like he always was?  
“Oh, morning Farrier.” Collins said, well aware that he was surrounded by other students.  
“Where’s Canfield?” the blonde asked,

“Early morning phone call to the Air Ministry interrupted his brekkie, he has to sort out something with the Chief of the Air Staff or something. All the more pancakes for me.” Farrier smiled.

“An’ why aren’t yae at the start of the line like usual?” Collins asked, passing the honey to Farrier who was staring at it like he needed it to live.

“Oh, I was. I just wanted more honey on my pancakes so I’m coming back again to get some,” he said. Collins still wasn’t over how sweet Farrier liked his tea, now his pancakes were drowning in honey it was a whole new ordeal he’d have to get used to. The blonde chuckled as he was handed back the honey, Farrier innocently licking his finger of the stuff as he walked away, Collins took his plate and went to sit down soon after. Cute wasn’t a word he often associated with Farrier, but whenever the blonde recalled the man’s insatiable sweet tooth, cute was very much a word that fit.

“Early morning good luck charm for today?” Wingnut asked, pointing his fork at Farrier.

“Push off, mate.” Collins smiled, not really meaning it in any other way than playful.

The next class rolled around, Canfield was looking around disappointedly at the lack of coded letters he could see on the desks and Collins was trying to figure out why the older man was in flying boots instead of his normal shoes.

“Men, I thought Farrier told you to code a letter!” he laughed.

“He did, but we couldn’t understand him!” someone said, a chorus of agreement erupted. Canfield restrained from rolling his eyes and attempted a crash course on coding. It was still difficult, but somehow Canfield’s different method of explaining actually worked for Collins. He peered out the window at some point to see Farrier and one of the other officers that taught another group, and someone who looked important. The Chief of the Air Staff, Collins realised after recalling seeing a photo of the man on the bulletin board at some point.

Class ended and the blonde had half a note scrawled that didn’t really make sense, but he’d coded a sentence into it that _did_ half make sense and for that, he was quite proud. Everyone was told to go out onto the tarmac for the ceremony. Canfield joined Farrier, Davis and Maxwell on either side of the two more senior officers. Collins looked around, everyone was here. Not just his training cohort, all of the students of Gatwick. Hundreds of them in a sea of blue. Collins stuck close to Wingnut and Dawson as not to get swept away. Farrier yelled above the noise to line up facing the front with the youngest year at the front. The brunette’s raised voice wasn’t _meant_ to make Collins’ knees weak, but it did. The three boys made their way to the front and got their first proper look at William Douglas from the Air Ministry. He wasn’t tall, nor short. He wasn’t angry looking, nor calm. But he did look like he had a wealth of experience and knowledge. Before Collins could properly grasp the fact that all four of the officers were in flying boots and not just Canfield, Douglas opened his mouth without warning,

“Men stand to attention!” he yelled extremely loudly in the front row’s face, drawing out the word ‘attention’ until everyone was indeed, standing to attention, from practice for the older students and from being scared stiff for the younger.

“Order, arms!” he yelled. Collins was almost caught off guard by it, but got his salute up in time. He was almost caught off guard again as he saw Farrier salute in his peripheral, strong and sure. The blonde wished he could have turned around and looked behind him, it sounded like everyone saluted perfectly at the same time, one clean sound from the entire group.

“And, arms!” Douglas said, everyone dropped their salutes.

“And, rest!” he finally said, and Collins let himself relax. It was going to take a lot of getting used to, following orders like this.

“Now, I’m sure you all know why you’re here. Gatwick training centre is officially, as of today, appointed an RAF fighter station! Gatwick will run like clockwork, it is now a real branch of Fighter Command. There will be squadrons based here, Operational Training Units, and a great deal more!” he said, and there were a few cheers from the group of men.

Farrier and Canfield exchanged looks, Collins watched Farrier raise his eyebrows, seemingly in disbelief. And disbelief it was, he had lived here for years with Canfield, it was always just a little training station. This promotion to a full time base felt so surreal. It was really happening, and it was happening right now. Farrier had to dig his nails into his palms to keep himself in the moment and pay attention to the Chief of the Air Staff.

“Now this doesn’t mean an awful lot for you men, who will continue your training here. It does mean however, that you may be placed in an Operational Training Unit right here at Gatwick. Or alternatively down the line you may join a squadron based here.” He explained, Collins’ heart leapt into his throat, that was what Farrier was talking about when he said he wouldn’t let them put him at a different base. He tried not to smile like a crazy person.

“Now, we will be doing a very short aerobatics show, as per the customary ‘baptism’ for new fighter bases. Those who wish to watch, may do so.” Douglas said. Of course Collins now realised why they were all in flying boots. He felt like Wingnut for not realising something that obvious. Davis, Maxwell, Farrier and Canfield walked off to one of the hangars, opening the doors to reveal four of the Hurricanes lined up at the door. Collins was actually expecting the Spitfires to be the plane of choice considering how highly Farrier spoke of them, but he supposed the officers had gotten more used to the Hurricanes having been here a little longer, plus Collins imagined Davis and Maxwell may not have been as confiden in the more agile Spits as Farrier and Canfield.

Farrier was very happy to do this, honoured even. It had been a very, very long time since he’d done any sort of aerobatics for anything other than purely testing planes. This was an actual show, he could barely get his flight helmet on fast enough. Flying in war was okay at times but stressful, flying in peacetime _and_ doing tricks? That was pure bliss. They all climbed into the planes and hooked radios up.

“Ready all?” Canfield said, then the four engines grumbled to a start together, tiny licks of flames coming out of the exhaust before the airstream generated from the propellers put them out in a loud thunder.

If the pilots weren’t hooked up to the radios, as well as sitting inside the cockpits right behind the engines, they would have heard the cheer erupt from the group at the sound of the Hurricanes starting up.

“Yeah, we should probably start getting used to using these radios properly.” Farrier laughed.

“Indeed.” Said Maxwell,

“One of my students pulled me up on using names on the radio, I said it’s peacetime for god’s sake!” Davis chuckled.

“Well let’s use the ole’ Fortis today then, see how we go,” Farrier suggested over the radio.

“No, no, this is a fun show! I’m not getting bogged down using damn callsigns in peace time!” Canfield said,

“Well okay then!” Farrier laughed, surprised that Canfield was calling _him_ too uptight with his flying regulations, something which very seldom happened.

They all taxied out onto the tarmac. Canfield was to lead, Farrier his second, and Maxwell and Davis on the port and starboard trailing edges.

Everyone had taken several paces back and a lot of them were leaning against the back of the building. These were very powerful birds, after all. Collins had no such luxury as the older students had all reached the wall first, so he, Wingnut and Dawson sat on the cold but dry ground.

“Now, Gatwick cohort. If I am correct in what I believe, Officer Canfield is leading the group, he is currently the inner port.” Douglas said, pointing to the plane second from the very left.

“Officer Farrier is the second, and he is on the inner starboard. Maxwell is the outside starboard, and Davis the outside port.” He said. Now that Collins had been told which Hurricane Farrier’s was, he wasn’t going to let it out of his sight.

Canfield was out in front, then Farrier swept into position behind, and then Maxwell, and Davis took the rear. The engines got louder, angrier, and the planes picked up speed as they all hurtled down the tarmac away from the group. Collins could feel the vibration from the engines’ sheer noise in his ribcage, it was the most wonderfully powerful feeling. He now understood why, although Farrier spoke ill of flying sometimes, the man still couldn’t tear himself away from it and took every opportunity to fly. It was addictive, there was some sort of crazed love of flight that all pilots shared no matter of past experiences with it.

The planes roared away and in perfect synchronisation lifted off in a gentle arc to starboard tailing each other. The arc continued well over the fields and rose higher and higher, it was one huge horizontal loop over the grounds of the base.

“Jesus, this is gonna be good.” Dawson muttered to Collins, who raised his eyebrows in agreement.

Of course they’d gone over what they’d do a few times in the office, it was on paper, a general outline scribbled down that all the officers knew how to follow. Canfield and Farrier were at the point in their flying that they didn’t need to practice it before they took off, though for Maxwell and especially Davis, it was just as much a test as it was a show.

“Ready everyone?” Canfield asked, he got confirmation from the others on radio. They were heading back towards the base’s main building, so they lined up in tight formation wing to wing as they flew over the building doing a low pass, the combined noise of four Merlin engines just about shaking the window panes out of their frames. Everyone watched as the Hurricanes flew over, black and white bellies flashing above them before they roared up over the roof of the building. The planes were only out of sight for a few seconds before they appeared again, much higher in the air, flying straight upwards into the weak winter sun. It was cold enough up there that they had begun to exude contrails. All at once the Hurricanes flipped onto their backs, then while still upside down flew several hundred feet before turning slowly back upright. Then the real show began.

“This is the only time I use WEP outside of an emergency,” Canfield laughed,

“Don’t worry, you get used to it,” Farrier said. At once both men pushed the throttle lever hard forwards, planes lurching ahead and engines growing impossibly louder as they roared straight through the air while Davis and Maxwell peeled off to the sides, orbiting around the base’s grounds while demonstrating aileron rolls with technical precision and excellence.

Collins chuckled as he heard the engines of the two superior officers and watched their Hurricanes speed ahead, they’d entered War Emergency Power. He didn’t think he’d ever see Canfield do that for fun. The two planes swooped upwards and began to enter corkscrews as their noses pointed up,

“Shit!” Dawson yelled above the noise of the engines and the excited crowd around them,

“Aye?” Collins said, eyes not leaving Farrier’s plane.

“Not an easy trick, that involves stalling one wing, plus doing it with the nose in the air, Christ!” Dawson said, very impressed. Collins was also impressed but there was also some sort of darker, more carnal emotion mixed in that he doubted a normal person would feel when being told someone was a capable flyer.

Farrier and Canfield flew up until they’d almost reached stalling speed, rolled back until the planes were again upside down, then flipped the planes and levelled out, flying straight and upright for a few hundred feet.

“Not too bad?” Farrier asked,

“Might need to get used to the old vertical corkscrew!” Canfield laughed. Then, as Davis and Maxwell flew up, Canfield and Farrier flew down until they’d met somewhere in the middle, wing to wing with each other once more. Finally, all four planes did a last loop up into the air above the group of students, and then lined back up behind one another and slowed to land, all the wheels coming down at once. The show had only lasted about ten minutes, but everyone’s hearts were racing from excitement. The officers jumped out of the plane and were greeted by applause, Farrier giggled to himself. It was the first ‘show’ he’d done since he was flying in carnivals with Canfield as a lad, and it felt bloody amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I know there wasn't really any romance in this one, but I cannot express my love for vintage warplanes and sometimes my plane enthusiast runs wild so please forgive me lol. Thanks to everyone who leaves comments and kudos, and to all the readers who I know are there but might be too shy !   
> Here's my [ tumblr ](https://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to chat! Let me know what you all thought of this chapter, I hope I wasn't being too technical and boring describing the flying!! I forget that not everyone is *that* into aviation lol.  
> Anyway until next chapter, happy reading ❤️


	56. Pointing the Finger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yesterday was Monday I know, somehow I didn't realise what day it was until 5pm today, which is hilarious but also really bad, so yeah i missed upload Monday by a full 24 hours and I'm sorry !!!

The ceremony was over. There were no classes for the rest of the day for Collins, though there were for everyone else. Attending the meeting with the Chief of the Air Staff was optional for everyone except Stella for some reason or another, so Anderson, Charles and Johnson all declined even though it served to worsen their already poor reputation with the officers. They were sulking, very well aware that they were in trouble, though this time if they ignored it their problems would not go away. The winter sun was high in the sky as Canfield, Farrier, and Douglas waited in Canfield’s office, it was the room immediately to the side of the entrance to the building, so there was a window looking out onto the street from his office. As the officers waited for Stella and Collins, Douglas read through the interview notes that Farrier had taken. He was shocked that this had happened to a student, that other students were so ill-mannered to deliberately do such a thing.

Collins straightened his tie and knocked on Canfield’s office door.

“Eh, hello?” he asked. The door was opened and he was greeted by Canfield.

“Thank you for coming in, Collins. We all very much appreciate your willingness to cooperate,” Douglas said, and held a hand out to shake which Collins took.

He was glad that not every higher up was like the cold and calculating Dowding. They all waited around in the room sitting on the several odd chairs, until a soft humming could be heard from out the front. Collins looked out the window to see a head of curly, albeit messy dark brown hair bobbing along. _Stella._

“Shall I go let her in?” he asked,

“Oh, yes yes my boy” Canfield said, previously unaware that the woman outside was her. Collins walked out of the office to greet a shivering Stella.

“Where’s yae coat lass?” he laughed.

“Didn’t think it was this cold!” she jittered.

Once everyone was inside the office, tea was poured, and biscuits offered around. They all crowded around Canfield’s desk, on which was a photo of each of the three boys in question. They looked like their old school photos that they’d enrolled into Gatwick with. All looking slightly more well behaved.

“Now, Stella. I need you to confirm, in my presence, that it was these three who harmed Collins.” Officer Douglas said.

Stella looked at the photos for a long while. She could remember their faces, and although at the time she didn’t know it had happened, she of course trusted Collins and everything he had told her.

“It was them. I’m sure of it.” she said quietly. And like that, they were condemned. Collins tried to hide a smile, his blue eyes risked a glance up to Farrier, who looked more relaxed than he had in a long time.

“Thank you. That’s all we need, Stella. I hope you hadn’t travelled too far just to point the finger.” Douglas chuckled.

“Oh, no sir I live down the road!” she smiled.

“Ah, good thing you haven’t long to walk. As he said that it began to rain.

“Yes, a very good thing,” Stella laughed as she watched the rain patter on the window.

“Oh come now, you aren’t walking home in this. Just wait for the rain to pass, Stella.” Canfield said,

“O-okay, thank you. I wasn’t sure if I was welcome to stay, I appreciate it.” she said shyly.

“’Course you’re welcome, help us eat these biscuits!” Farrier laughed and pushed the plate towards her.

“Thank you. You’re all too kind, really.” she said and took a small biscuit as not to seem greedy. Douglas walked to the coatrack and took his.

“Well, I drove here so I have no issue heading off. Busy days at the Air Ministry now, busy days. But I will take the matter up and get back to you. It would probably be in the form of a telephone call to advise on the next steps. But Collins?”

The blonde looked up from the biscuit plate, he was trying to decide which one he wanted.

“We’ve got them. They’ll be cut from the RAF, mark my words boy. For what they did, you should be pressing charges, but that isn’t my business.” Douglas said as he got his coat on.

“I-I” Collins stammered. He looked down and took a breath. To hear it from Douglas himself was another level.

“Thank you. For everythin’” the lad arrived at, running a nervous hand through his hair.

“Don’t mention it lad. I’m glad you’re such an outstanding student yourself, boys like them shouldn’t be in the RAF and I’m glad you had the courage to pursue this. I hate to think how many cases like this there are that we never heard of.” the man said, before shaking hands with everyone in the room.

“I’m sure I’ll see you Gatwick lot around in the future, bye now.”

Canfield, Farrier, Collins and Stella were in the room. Stella was the only one standing, she was nervous.

“Yae can sit doon,” Collins smiled, motioning to an empty chair.

“Oh, no it’s okay.” Stella smiled, wrapping her arms around herself. It was something she did to mentally protect herself. Not that any of these men were unkind, but she was never very good in social situations. Plus all of them in uniform next to her in her ratty old woollen skirt and top that didn’t match all that well, made the girl feel quite out of place.

“Oh, lord” Canfield said, looking at his watch.

“What’s the time?” Farrier asked.

“Nearly 1500 hours!” Canfield said. Farrier chuckled,

“Well that means Davis has just finished taking my class, so I’m done for the day. Have fun.” he jested.

“Yes very funny. Don’t leave crumbs in my office!” he said as he left to take another class of students.

“Bye! And, thank you!” Stella called after Canfield, with no answer.

“Ah don’t mind him Stella, he’s getting on a bit.” Farrier smiled,

“Now that he’s out of the room however,” Farrier said, standing from his chair and walking behind Canfield’s desk,

“I’m going to sit in the most comfortable chair on the entire base!” he said, and promptly sat down in Canfield’s large ornate chair, Collins and Stella giggled.

“Okay, maybe I shall take a chair. But only until the rain stops.” she said, pulling a chair up next to Collins’ so that they both opposed Farrier. The rain continued.

“Bit different to the mornin’,” Collins remarked, earning a hum from Farrier.

“How’s the musical stuff going then?” he asked Stella more quietly.

“Oh, not too bad. It’s always quieter in the cold months, less of an audience, so in the meantime the band and myself sell food at some of the markets in central London to make ends meet. It’s nice actually,” she said.

“What food?” Collins asked.

“An assortment of things. Usually fresh bread, sometimes cakes or tarts, sometimes dried herb mixes or spices, that kind of thing.” Stella smiled.

“Sounds delicious, I’d pay yae well for it!” Collins laughed.

“Well we’re usually at Borough Market if you actually get curious. Most Saturdays we’re there.” she said shyly.

“Might have tae do that,” the blonde replied.

“That’s incredibly studious of you all. I’m curious what you do in your band Stella,” Farrier said, subtly moving the biscuit plate away from Collins a little and more towards himself.

“Oh, I play the clarinet!” she said. It was the first spark of genuine excitement Farrier had seen in her eyes all day.

“That’s great! What sorts of music do you play?”

“Usually jazz,” she replied.

“Bet Collins likes that,” Farrier smiled, the blonde went a little pink,

“Nothing wrong with dancin’, Farrier.” he muttered, trying to move the plate back towards himself but to no avail as the older man was still holding it firmly in place.

“No, I didn’t say there was. Dancing is good, music is good.” Farrier said,

“I think you’re the first musician I’ve met, Stella.” he added. Stella laughed,

“Do I live up to your expectations?” she asked shyly.

“Above and beyond, love.” Farrier smiled.

“Well, first musician unless you count the time Canfield was under the impression that he was able to play the trombone, in which case you’re the second.” Farrier cringed at the memory.

“What prompted him to believe that I wonder?” Collins asked, glad Stella was easing up a little.

“We were out one night in a pub having a drink and there was a trombone player in the band. For some reason the old man got hooked on learning it, only after half a year of blasting my bloody eardrums out he decided he’d stick to flying planes!” Farrier laughed.

“He seems a little eccentric,” Stella said quietly.

“Oh, he is very eccentric, he’s got a lot of odd quirks about him, old Canfield, but don’t we all.” Farrier said.

“Sure do,” Collins smiled and settled for taking a biscuit off the plate if he couldn’t move the whole thing closer to himself. Nobody had realised the rain had stopped until the only sound in the room was Collins’ chewing.

“Oh!” Stella said, she reached out to take one more biscuit as she stood, not because she really wanted one, but more so to be polite.

“Uh, thank you for helping set this all up.” she said to Farrier.

“No problem, I’ll see you to the door.” He said, standing.

“Do me a favour and don’t eat them all.” he muttered to Collins who was still eyeing the biscuits,

“Yeah yeah. I’ll be seein’ yae around Stella?” Collins asked.

“Of course, whenever we bump into each other next will be a good day.” She smiled. Farrier opened the door for her and she slipped out into the hallway.

“Stella, I need to thank you again for helping out.” he said quietly to her as they walked the short distance from Canfield’s office door to the exit of the base. She didn’t say anything but smiled politely. Farrier opened the door and the cool air hit them both.

“This means a lot to Collins, and all of us.” he said.

“I imagine it does. Even if I don’t really know you all very well, it means a lot to me as well.” She said, and began down the short flight of concrete steps.

Collins was suspicious as to why it took longer than thirty seconds to show Stella out of the building so he walked to the window. They were chatting, deciding that was normal he sat back down and only then did he realise he had only left two biscuits on the plate.

“It’s just not right, what they did. I said this to Collins, I don’t think it matters if you’re close with someone or not, you should do the right thing and help them if they’re in need, so here I am.” She said plainly.

“I’m very glad you see it that way, but anyway I’m keeping you.” Farrier said,

“No bother, I’ve got nowhere to be right now.” Stella said, a small smile on her face.

“Alright, best get on before the rain starts again, might see you around someday. And again, I can’t thank you enough for being brave enough to point the finger, I can’t wait for the day those boys are discharged, and it’s thanks to you.” The man said.

“I was very happy to, I couldn’t live with the knowledge of what they did and not help.” Stella said and turned on her heels,

“I hope we see each other again,” she said sweetly as she left, soft humming beginning again as soon as she reached the footpath.

 

“Took yae a while” Collins said as Farrier entered behind him,

“Where are all the biscuits?” Farrier countered.

“Eh, well” Collins began before feeling a light whack on his shoulder.

“You ate all the good ones too, cheeky bugger” Farrier said. The two sat in Canfield’s office for the remainder of the teaching day, Canfield was busy with his last class anyway so it wasn’t like he’d walk in, so the two sat talking over tea for the afternoon as it rained on and off against the glass. It was stolen moments like these that made all the hiding and secrecy worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That wraps up another chapter! Thank you sm for everyone for reading.  
> This is my [ tumblr ](https://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to chat!  
> Until next chapter, happy reading ❤️


	57. All Falling Into Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's embarrassing to admit that I almost forgot to upload again this Monday. I need to get a grip. Also this was originally two chapters but it felt unnaturally split and they were both too short, so here's an extra long one! I hope everyone has a good week ahead of them ❤️

December the 10th. It was freezing cold and a hard wind was blowing across the plains behind the base. No flying today, even Farrier who was arguably (definitely) the best at getting the planes up in the wind (only argued by Canfield, to everyone else it was very clear), was somewhat concerned of the weather. But today was the day Anderson, Charles and Johnson were being told of the Air Ministry’s decision.

It was 0700 and Canfield was already down in his office awaiting the call from Chief of the Air Staff William Douglas. He was somewhat irritated that he would miss most of the good stuff at breakfast, he’d get there and it would all be taken and he’d be left with the dregs of whatever the food was today, but he made do with his teapot for the time being.

Collins and friends were down in the dining hall, or rather the radar room that was still being used as a dining hall, not that there was really enough room anymore. The boys were buzzing over their graduation.

“I still cannae believe it’s so soon,” Collins said over his scrambled eggs.

“I know!” Dawson said, eyeing Wingnut.

“Don’t wanna leave you lads, I dunno what I’ll do over in bombers without you.” he said. Collins’ chest panged at the words. He barely wanted to think about Timson’s departure.

“Do we graduate in uniforms?” the brunette asked.

“Sure do.” Dawson replied.

“Can’t wait to write to my parents and tell them I got my wings!” Wingnut said happily.

“Me neither,” Dawson smiled. Collins realised, he was probably meant to be writing to his parents regularly. That was probably the norm,

“How much do you two write to your families?” he asked quietly.

“Probably once a month?” Dawson pondered, Wingnut hummed in agreement as he ate.

“Oh,”

“Why, do you write more or less?” Dawson asked.

“I donnae really write at all.” Collins said. He knew his mum was trying to mend their relationship, but he didn’t really feel that his father was. It wasn’t a priority of his to write to them.

“We, ah, aren’t on the best terms.” he mumbled to explain himself. Dawson cocked his head and a smirk played on his face.

“They’re your parents, mate. They’ll love you no matter what you are, no matter what you do with your life.” he said quietly.

“Yae don’t know my parents,” Collins mumbled.

“Tell me another time.” Dawson said, Wingnut chimed in.

“We respect your private life mate, it’ll feel better to talk about it, but I’ve kind of realised that here, you don’t know much about anyone’s private life. I guess even though we’re all best mates, we did follow Farrier’s instructions sort of, didn’t get too familiar.” he said. Collins hummed in agreement.

Canfield drummed his fingers on the table as he waited anxiously for the phone. With no idea how long he’d wait, only knowing it would be ‘early in the morning’, Canfield began to ponder the future, a common topic of his thinking these days. Everyone knew by now, at some point there would be a war. He didn’t know when, or the severity, didn’t even know if Britain would become involved yet, though of course everyone was preparing as if it would be. He’d be part of the home reserves now, well over the age of flying, and the man wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Canfield knew that Farrier, in his darker years would always think about how helpless he’d felt when he was in recovery during the war, and Canfield hoped he didn’t feel the same way being in the reserves. Then the phone rang over the high winds.

“RAF Gatwick this is Wing Commander Canfield.” he said,

“Wing Commander Canfield this is Chief of the Air Staff Douglas.” he heard come through the other end of the call.

“Good morning, Chief of the Air Staff.” Canfield replied as was customary.

“Morning to you as well, Canfield. Now the business regarding three of your cadets.” He said, Canfield sat down.

“What’s the verdict?” the man asked warily.

“The Ministry has accepted the proposal to expel them. It was deemed completely unsafe to have men like that on an airbase, and looking into their school history we can see that they are likely to become repeat offenders if suspended. They will be discharged without honours.” Douglas said, and suddenly everything was still, though the wind raged outside everything felt very calm to Canfield.

“Well, I’ll tell them today. Is there a date?”

“They have ten days from today to sign the release forms, return all their uniform, all that.” Douglas said.

“Right, thank you very much for escalating this, Douglas. We couldn’t have done it without you.” Canfield smiled, marking the date ten days in advance on his calendar for the day they’d be gone.  
“It’s not a problem at all. At first Air Chief Marshall Dowding was angling to have them merely unable to get their wings and have them in ground crew, but when I brought up the fact that they might deliberately tamper with planes, particularly planes of the student they took advantage of, his mind was changed.” Douglas stated.

“We cannot thank you enough for that. It would have definitely been a real problem, fiddling with planes and continual targeting of students,” Canfield said.

He was back at breakfast in time to get decent food much to his joy, he told the officers of the Ministry’s decision.

“Thank god,” was all Farrier could say, although judging by his pale face he was in shock. Everyone knew they’d get expelled, but to hear that it had been approved was yet another step. Now it was as real as it could get.

“So when do we tell them?” Davis asked. He and Maxwell had been given a very much simplified version of what had happened to Collins, it was easier if all the officers were in on the situation though Canfield and Farrier weren’t sure how much Collins would have appreciated them knowing, so it was kept to a bare minimum, though considering the boys were now getting expelled the two slightly less experienced officers at least knew the magnitude of whatever Anderson, Charles and Johnson had done.

Because there was no flying today thanks to the high winds, and that it was a Saturday, technically nobody had any lessons though Anderson, Charles and Johnson didn’t know the flying was cancelled of course. Nobody did except those who were at breakfast when it was announced by Canfield, half of the students didn’t have a phone or telegram and it wasn’t like Gatwick was about to send them all a letter in the post that would arrive next week, telling them not to come in this afternoon. Collins, Dawson and Wingnut decided to walk to the sandwich bar for lunch, with nothing else to do, Collins wanted to spend the entire day with Farrier, but he couldn’t of course, and he also knew he would have felt guilty not spending at least some time with Wingnut. The thought jolted him as it did every time. It was his last month at Gatwick, and the month was already almost halfway done.

“Wingnut, we never went to London like yae wanted,” Collins said over his pumpkin soup at lunch. They were sitting inside the little shop today as opposed to walking back to base with their food or sitting on the bench on the footpath outside the store. The wind made those two options unimaginable.

“Mm, yeah!” Wingnut said enthusiastically,

“Tonight will be perfect, wind and all.” he added.

“Well, whatever Wingnut says, goes! Isn’t that right Collins?” Dawson smiled, still playing the game.

“Aye, sure is mate.”

That afternoon the rest of the cohort trickled into base, expecting to be flying, all very unsure if they’d be able to, considering the conditions. As they were leaving disappointedly, Farrier stopped Anderson as he sulked away with his two friends by putting a strong hand on his shoulder.

“Mind coming and having a chat boys?” he asked, no smile on his face.

“Whatever you say, old man.” Anderson said, shrugging Farrier’s hand off.

“Canfield’s office then, now.”

Then Farrier smiled coldly, and it worried Anderson. Farrier saw it in the boy’s eyes before he did it. He was about to bolt. Just as Anderson began to move the man grabbed him by his blazer arm.

“You’re not going anywhere except that office, let’s not have a repeat of physical education lessons, yes?” Farrier said, and shoved Anderson down the hall in the direction of the office.

After a lot of grumbling they were all inside the room. Canfield sat at the desk and Farrier stood at his side. The three boys looked across the desk at them, if they had tails they’d have been between their legs with the expressions of guilt on their faces.

“Now boys,” Canfield began, and cleared his throat. Anderson crossed his arms uncomfortably. Farrier had discreetly locked the door behind them just to be sure, but Anderson knew by now there was no use running.

“We know.” was all the older man said. Charles looked at the floor, Johnson went white, but Anderson still had that smug expression that made Farrier just want to punch him. Again. That day in physical education was still the best fun he’d had in a long time.

“So what?” he said. Farrier stifled a chuckle, the boy giving him what Farrier supposed was meant to be a threatening glare and a cock of the head, though Anderson should have known that there was no point in him trying to intimidate the likes of Farrier, all it did was make the man more infuriated.

“No, no don’t rile him up, Anderson, listen to me!” Canfield brought the conversation back to the centre of the room, Anderson still locking eyes with Farrier, who smirked as he anticipated Michael’s words to them.

“This behaviour can’t stand in the RAF. We’ve been in direct contact with the Air Ministry. And unfortunately, we’re letting you go, lads. We have no choice but to expel all three of you.” he said. There was no reason to drag the point out, it was a simple expulsion. The smug smirk on Anderson’s face dropped and he swallowed.

“Canfield, we didn’t mean anything by it.” he began,

“Anderson you poisoned another student, deliberately! What on earth could you mean when you say that you didn’t mean anything by it? We have an eye witness for goodness’ sake boy. You’re not getting out of this one.” he said with a raised voice. To see Canfield lose his temper at a student was a rare occurrence.

Collins dressed in a warm turtleneck and trousers, held up with suspenders. His waist was still slim, whatever muscle he’d built in the early days of him and his friends going to the gym was likely lost now. The lad was getting better at accepting his body, why should he be ashamed of it? Besides, Collins thought he looked rather good in turtlenecks. He left his room and waited in the hall for the others.

 

Canfield’s voice was the only sound which could be heard over the wind outside.

“So we’re leaving you three with ten days. In that time you are to fill out several forms discharging yourselves, you will not be able to get into the Royal Air Force anywhere else in the UK. England has the upper hand in this where our records are transferred everywhere in Britain, you try and apply in Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland they won’t take you. Had you been expelled from one of those places, you could simply go to a different one and your record would not be tainted, but I digress. We expect full return of your uniforms on the tenth day.” He said, completely unaware that Collins himself had done exactly what he just described in coming down to England to reapply. There was nothing more to say.

“Go home boys. Best start getting everything in order.” Canfield ended. Farrier walked silently behind them and unlocked the door, holding it open for them. For the first time he saw genuine sadness on Anderson’s face, but Farrier felt no remorse, no pity, absolutely nothing for the boy. The three left silently, in complete shock.

“You’ve got no idea how happy that made me.” Farrier said to Canfield.

“Oh my boy, I do know. It made me very glad to say the words,” he replied.

Soon Dawson appeared looking dapper in a very much similar outfit to Collins, though the turtleneck had been replaced with a cream button up shirt.

“Yae look like you scrubbed up better than me then.” Collins laughed, wondering if a turtleneck was appropriate.

“Ah don’t be silly, come on let’s find Wingnut!” the blonde said to Collins, and they walked off down the hall. Sure enough Wingnut was dressed outrageously in a striped orange button up shirt and a very loudly patterned tie.

“You two look so plain next to me!” he laughed,

“Well you’re the friend of honour aren’t you!” Dawson replied. The boys walked out of the building at some time near dinner, they’d dine out tonight. Onto the train and into London Collins was trying his hardest to be happy, he knew he’d have a good time tonight but the fact that it was because Wingnut was leaving soon was a looming thought. The train was being blown side to side with the wind, the boys were all quite glad when they got off onto the solid ground of the platform. Collins and Dawson decided to let Wingnut follow his nose and find a suitable place. He found it, very close to the station in fact. It was incredibly run down and looked closed, but it wasn’t so they went inside. Turned out to have very decently priced meals, so the boys ate well.

Farrier tried not to be too disheartened that Collins and friends weren’t at the dinner table, they were probably out having fun. They were young, after all. Canfield told the other officers of the meeting in his office at which he told the news to the perpetrators. Right from the start it was clear that none of those boys were in the RAF out of love for the job, it seemed like an odd choice for them and was most likely an attempt to get into a high paying job which didn’t require any sort of prior learning.

After dinner, Wingnut walked around again until he’d found a suitable partying venue. Inside was very warm and packed with people. Not Collins’ ideal place, he preferred the more interesting tucked away kinds of bars but as Dawson said, whatever Wingnut said was the law tonight and if he said they would celebrate here, then they would. They started with drinks, and this time Collins made absolutely sure not to let his drink out of sight, or even out of his hand.

“So Collins, you gonna teach me to dance tonight? I want to impress Lucy!” Wingnut said.

“Sure mate, though I cannae teach you partner dancing.” the scot replied,

“No worries, I’m keen to learn whatever I can!”

“Well let’s go!” and at that, Collins downed the rest of his drink and stood up.

“Dawson, you comin’?” he asked,

“I dunno, Wingnut am I?” the blonde looked to Wingnut for instruction.

“By royal decree, yes you will learn to dance as well!” Wingnut slurred. Collins chuckled at his already tipsy friend. It would be harder to teach him in this state but he’d try.

After nearly an hour of attempting to teach his friends how to dance in its most basic form, Collins gave up. Dawson wasn’t too bad though it was clear he wasn’t ever going to be a dancer, his movements weren’t flowing smoothly, and Wingnut was too far gone to really follow any of it. They enjoyed the music for a while longer before departing the bar onto the now dark streets of London, where the strong wind had finally died down to a breeze. They walked in the moonlight, it was still cold but in his turtleneck Collins didn’t mind, besides he always liked the cold weather.

They eventually reached the bank of the Thames.

“Dare me to jump in?” Wingnut said, still half drunk.

“No mate, we don’t” Dawson laughed.

“Oh go on, dare me!” the brunette pushed, half falling over his own feet.

“Thames is dirty Wingnut, yae donane want to go in there.” Collins said.

“It is?” Timson asked,

“I’m not even from England and I know that! People ‘ave died from the pollution in that thing Wingnut, you’re not jumpin’ in there!” Collins said.

“Fine, well we better find something else fun to do.” He said definitively. Dawson and Collins shared a look of slight tiredness, but happiness nonetheless. They walked along the bank, Wingnut telling them an elaborate story of the time he nearly got washed out to sea because he swam straight into a riptide, and Dawson scolding him, being from the coast he knew everything there was to know about swimming in the ocean, it was clear that Wingnut didn’t. Collins felt a little left out, he’d never swum in the ocean. He knew he’d get teased if he said anything though so he kept quiet, having learnt his lesson after admitting that he hadn’t swum in a chlorinated pool before.

“Isn’t that right Collins?” Wingnut said in reference to riptides not being visible at all. The blonde huffed,

“I wouldnae know,” he said, not being bothered to try and smother the ‘secret’.

“How’s that?” Wingnut asked.

“Never been in the sea, have I.” he replied, upset by the fact.

“What?!”

“Yae heard!”

“Well we have to get you in the ocean then!” Wingnut said,

“Dawson, when’s the next train to the sea? I don’t care which one.” Wingnut said, Dawson stopped walking, trying very hard not to laugh.

“Wingnut. Are you even vaguely aware of how far away the ocean is from you right now?” he asked.

“Surely an hour?”

“I mean, hour and a half, yeah to Brighton it’d be about that long,”

“Then what’s the issue?”

Dawson begrudgingly supposed that Wingnut did have a point, checking his watch it was still only 20:15. They actually did have time.

“Collins, we have time to go there, it would be like, past midnight by the time we got back but we could do it.” he said to the other blonde. Collins considered this and then turned to Wingnut.

“Well lads, I think we all know what the answer is going to be when I say that it’s up to Wingnut.”

Then they were on the train to Brighton. It was crazy how spontaneous Wingnut was to Collins, who much preferred order and plans. Still, he was curious about the ocean. They arrived nearing 21:35, having been lucky enough that the next train was in the station when they arrived. Knowing the trains came at the hour, they planned to only be at the beach until 22:30 to give them time to get back to the station.

Once the boys reached the beach, sand silver in the moonlight and completely empty, Wingnut couldn’t wait to jump in the water. Dawson was going in as well to make sure he didn’t float off, the blonde now very worried about Wingnut’s inability to swim in open water after his story. Collins knew he should go swimming as well, see what it was like. It was freezing cold on the beach, but at least the wind was dead here.

“Strip down then lads!” Dawson said as he began taking his shoes off. Wingnut and Collins shrugged and did the same.

“We have to swim naked!” Wingnut declared.

“Wha? Why Wingnut?” Collins laughed, already only in his underwear and almost shivering.

“Well I don’t want saltwater in my underwear for one,” he said, and turned away from them to take said item of clothing off, cupping his hands over himself and turning back around. Dawson was in fits of laughter, but did the same, explaining to Collins that saltwater was awful for clothing and that it would chafe later as well. The scot was glad that Dawson hadn’t laughed at him for not swimming in the sea before, as Timson had. Finally Collins followed suit, although very self-conscious. Hands covering their fronts they all waddled over the sand, Dawson was first into the water, then Wingnut, then Collins. The scot took a few tentative steps in at first, his friends already up to their waists.

“This isn’t gonnae hurt my eyes like the pool is it?” he asked.

“Just get in already!” Dawson said, splashing water at Collins almost causing him to move his hands up from where they were covering himself.

“Eejit!”  he yelled, and then pushed himself to walk forwards until he was in the water with them. It was very cold, not the coldest Collins had swam in by far, but he could smell the salt, he could feel the difference in the water too.

“Heads under lads, three, two, one!” Wingnut said without warning. Collins watched as his two friends went underwater and quickly gulped some air to join them. He opened his eyes, couldn’t see much under the surface in the dark of course, but it didn’t hurt his eyes at least.

Canfield had roped Farrier into a game of checkers this time, since he was fairly certain Collins was out, he accepted. Chess was one thing and he was just getting the hang of Canfield’s playing style with that, but checkers was something else and he was doing very badly.

“Come on lad, you’re barely playing!” Canfield laughed,

I’m trying Michael, these games aren’t my favourite thing to do, you know.” he said.

“What is then?”

Farrier almost blurted out Collins’ name before muttering “flying” and making his move on the board.

“Okay, apart from that.” Canfield pushed. It was the age old question he asked Farrier all too much, what did he enjoy doing?

“Don’t mind reading, fixing things, uh… drinking?” that last part earnt him a slap across the knuckles.

“Not like that! Like actual social drinking Canfield!” he said, the older man chuckled.

“I know lad, don’t worry I’m teasing you.” he said. Farrier didn’t appreciate his drinking problems being teased, but said nothing.

 

They were still swimming in the cold ocean, Dawson was keeping an eye on their pile of clothing to make sure they weren’t drifting, a common trick for those who knew how to act at a beach.

“Bout time to hop out I think!” he yelled over to Collins and Wingnut.

They dragged themselves up onto the sand, with nothing to dry themselves with the lads had to stand and wait for the very faint breeze to dry them. It was very cold indeed, although at least it wasn’t raining Collins thought. Eventually the blonde deemed himself dry enough to get dressed again and his friends followed suit.

“Yae know Wingnut, would have saved us time if we’d gone to the beach from Gatwick considering it’s south of London. We had to go north then back south to get here!” Collins remarked.

“Yeah I know, but I had no clue we’d be at the beach did I!” Wingnut replied. Collins shrugged in agreement. He wondered how much of a clue Wingnut had about anything, but he still loved his company.

Finally they were on the train back to the base, Collins just wanted a shower, the salt was sticking to him and he didn’t like the texture of his hair because of it, and there was sand in his socks which was annoying him.

“So, what did you think of the ocean?” Dawson asked.

“I liked it. It’s nice to feel the waves, how they lift yae up as they come. And the smell is interesting, in a good way. Not liking the salty feeling now though,” he replied.

“Yeah, you get used to it living at the sea. Salt in the air ravages the house paint though, and most things come to think of it. he said.

Once they were back at base they showered, Collins had already had his weekly shower and felt bad for not merely using the flannel to wash himself with water, but after that swim he really just needed an actual shower. He turned the hot tap on and waited as it began to get lukewarm. Stepping under the now hot water almost scalded his skin, turning him pink. It was welcome after a cold windy day and an even colder night swim in the ocean. He wondered what Farrier had been up to while he was out, the alcohol was gone from Collins’ system, replaced with a content warm feeling inside. He was very glad that he’d gone out and had a good time with Dawson and Wingnut. He’d have regretted it if he hadn’t. The others had apparently already finished their showers, the room was empty when Collins stepped out, back in his clothes. His hair was still wet even though he’d tried to dry it with the towel. Maybe he could hold his head over Farrier’s heater for a while, and that was his main thought as he padded upstairs. Dumping his shoes, sandy socks and suspenders in his room, he checked the halls were silent before slipping into the room next door. What he wasn’t expecting, was that it was empty. Now what was he expected to do? The blonde didn’t know if he should stay in here or risk going back into his room, inevitably coming back in here again once he knew someone was inside. After a brief standing in front of the heater to dry his hair a little, Collins checked the hall and went back into his room as silently as he could. He sat on his bed, waiting for Farrier to get back which he realised was a little desperate. To occupy his time the blonde began attempting to write a coded letter, since he’d filled his sketch book up he could no longer use it until he bought a new one. It was difficult to hide words within others, you needed to include certain letters in the sentences which could be joined together to form the secret code and because of this, the sentences always seemed strange or forced because of the need to have certain letters present. The art was making the letters sound normal. It dawned on Collins that Christmas was around the corner. He wondered if his parents would send a letter down, maybe he should send one up to them. There would be Christmas holidays, perhaps visiting wouldn’t be such a bad thing. He sure wouldn’t be going for a whole week like last time. Collins thought that perhaps Farrier would want something for Christmas. Maybe he should get him a present, was it too soon? Too forward? The blonde also had no idea what Farrier might want, and wasn’t sure if he should ask or just guess. His thoughts were interrupted when Farrier’s door was heard opening and closing so naturally, he got out of bed to go and see him.

“I’m just glad all this is gonna be over with soon,” the blonde mumbled as Farrier flipped through a flight safety manual, Canfield had another word to him today over dinner about finding hobbies, if he was going to read he may as well read something useful instead of a book on bloody birds, said Canfield who was the one who’d given him the stupid bird book in the first place.

“Me too, I’m sorry we keep having to bring it to the forefront of your memory, lad. I’m sure you don’t want to think about it at all.” He said, one hand reaching out to caress the lad’s cheek.

“It’s not that bad. I wasn’t fully aware at the time I don’t think, if I was completely awake and sober and was seeing things and having trouble breathing it would have been worse. The fact that I know it was the drugs makes it a little better,” he said. Farrier put the instruction book away.

“You’re very brave, Collins.” he said, his blue eyes full of honesty. The blonde chuckled,

“Yae think?”

“Of course. You went through something awful, but you came out the other side, you’re okay.” Farrier said as he let Collins rest his head on his chest, his hand now playing with the blonde’s hair.

“Glad you think so. My main problem with that whole night is that I know why they did it. They know what I am, they don’t think I deserve any of what I have.” he said sleepily.

“You’re more deserving of anything than they’ll ever be. And we have each other. That’s what matters.” Farrier said. Collins looked up, a tired smile on his face as he hummed in agreement. Farrier leaned forwards and kissed him softly, caringly. The blonde melted at the touch and brought his hands up to rest on Farrier’s broad shoulders. He broke the kiss and looked at Farrier, adoration shone in his eyes. Farrier hummed in content, he still couldn’t believe that Collins was his. Part of him was of course scared of what might become of them, if anyone found out, but he never could have known how amazing it would be if he hadn’t taken the chance that afternoon and kissed him. Even with the fact that it was dangerous, that if anyone found them out their careers would likely be ended, somehow, crazily, it was worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading ! it honestly means the world to me that my writing makes people happy. This is my [ tumblr ](https://s-n-o-w-p-i-e-r-c-e-r.tumblr.com) if anyone wants to chat. (this chapter hasn't been proofread properly because I'm tired ((what's new)) so I'm really sorry if you find any mistakes in it)  
> Until next chapter, happy reading ❤️


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